Original subtitles

♪ Caldwell and Nathan are two cartoonists ♪

♪ They love to draw but they're not too smart ♪

♪ So they sold their souls to the TV Devil ♪

♪ For a cartoon show that features their art ♪

♪ They all shook hands and drank a toast ♪

♪ Neither could believe their newfound luck ♪

♪ But then on the way to the studio ♪

♪ They were both laid out by a hotdog truck ♪

♪ Now in a somewhat ironic twist ♪

♪ They're in hell forever ♪

♪ And hey, get this ♪

♪ They gotta make a show ♪

♪ That they think is gonna sell ♪

♪ If they ever wanna get out of Cartoon Hell ♪

(fire rumbling)

- Nathan, you ever uh...

You ever think about your family?

- My earth family?

- Yeah the alive ones.

- I think of you as my family now.

- Aww. - I think of you and Managar

and the robot.

- What robot?

- The Cartoon-O-Tron.

- Oh I hate that guy.

- Yeah you're always silent

whenever he's in the room

you know? - I hate him.

I'm glad you noticed that.

- You never talk to him. - I refuse

to speak when he is in the room.

Yeah I guess he's like an uncle.

- Yeah he's kind of like an uncle

that you never talk to. - Mm-hmm.

- Oh ye broken vessels.

- Oh.

- Please get your shit together.

Please just like, try and don't be disappointments

for the next 30 to 40 minutes.

- Ooh it's gonna be tough. - Oh.

- You've gotta do this for your old pal

slash uncle, slash found family, Managar here, alright?

- [Caldwell] Okay.

- This is the last act of the Pixar movie

and you realize that you know, maybe they're right.

Them assholes around you is enough.

- Okay.

- That's inspiring.

What do you got for us,

Managar? - Yeah.

- Well the lower downs have been uh,

getting a little agitated over the fact that

we have over the course of 25 to 30 instances failed.

- Hmm. - So they are taking things

into their own hands.

One of the vice presidents, I don't know,

regional heads or something, they're very important.

- Mm-hmm. - They're a fusion

of three all powerful demon lords

but you know them as the Brohemoth.

And they are coming this way. - Ooh.

- And they're gonna be in charge of this one.

And do not make me look bad.

- I can hear their, the rumbling, of their mighty feet.

- Oh god. - Oh here they are!

- Oh. - Hi!

- Hey guys.

- Oh hey what's up?

- TGIF, right, TGIF?

Anybody? - Working hard

or hardly working, you know?

- Is it Friday?

- That's uh, thank god it's flaming actually,

TGIF. - Yeah.

(laughing)

- It's really a treat.

You're much more chill than I thought you'd be.

- Normally I'm much more amped

but I got the case of the uh, the Mondays.

- You know, we like to think of ourselves of uh,

more like a friend-ager, you know what I mean?

We're not so much a manager,

we're not here to tell you what to do. Just like buddies.

- Buddies.

- I love that, yeah. - Like that, I like that.

Also seems like you're slightly unstuck in time.

I guess you probably experience it differently.

- Ah well, Tuesdays are hard for everybody you know?

(laughing)

- Amen to that.

Well we would love to help you all out.

We're here to serve you.

If you've got suggestions for a drawing

that we can do to maybe build into a cartoon show,

we'd love to hear it.

- Yeah.

- Can, uh, can you do He-Man again?

(Nathan laughing) - Oh that's good.

- Yeah. - People liked He-Man.

- He-Man again.

- I feel like there's not a He-Man hell version yet.

- Mm-hmm. - I think that could be

I don't know, something.

- Something about like, Hell-Man.

- They did take him to space.

- Mm. - In "The New Adventures

of He-Man."

- Okay, I like Hell-Man.

- Hell-Man. - Which I'm realizing

does sound like a mayonnaise brand.

- Well what if we did like a cute version of it?

Cause people love like the younger versions.

And we did like Hell-Boy.

- Mm, that could be really super good.

A cute--

- Yeah. - Hell thing that's also,

you know what I'd love, is noir.

- Ooh yeah. - A cute, noir,

hell detective kind of thing.

- Hell-Buddy.

- Yeah like a Hell-Buddy.

- A slick talkin' hell detective.

- Mm-hmm. - That is also

He-Man inspired, he is a master of the universe

but he is also here because there's been a

well I was gonna say murder

but those are pretty common down here.

- I'm thinking, I'm putting all this together.

What about Hell-O Baby?

- Ooh. - Hell-O Baby is really

gonna be something. - Yeah.

- [Caldwell] Cause um...

The Toys-R-Us is not gonna stock

something with hell in the name of it.

- [Nathan] Well we don't need to

worry about that now, cause we shut down Toys-R-Us.

- [Caldwell] Well now it's down here.

(Nathan laughing) So there is a hell version

of Toys-R-Us, after it died, it was sent here.

- [Brohemoth 1] We should think about the toy integration.

- Mm-hmm. - Maybe Hell-O Baby has like a

group of friends called like Hell Jellies.

- Oh. - And the Hell Jellies

they are all the exact same shape,

and look, no yeah, I'm not gonna spend

a fucking fortune on tooling.

You know Beast Man and Moss Man

were the same tooling just with the moss added,

and like a stinky wood smell?

- Right. - Oh absolutely.

- That's Hell-O Baby.

Also can I hit you with this?

This is one we came up with. - Give it you me, I need it.

- Blind bags.

- Mm, yeah yeah yeah. - This is a huge,

you don't know which one you're gonna get

so the parents keep you know, pumping in their $3.95

trying to get the, you know the

rare chase glitter. - Yeah.

- Glitterati kind of thing. - Oh yeah.

- [Brohemoth 1] And here's the thing.

We promise like, I don't know, 26 different ones

but we only stock 25 different ones in the bags.

We don't even make the 26th one

so then they will literally never find it.

- Oh. - Alright.

I've drawn what I think is like a prototype for Hell-O Baby.

- [Brohemoth 1] Okay, Caldwell, listen.

- Yeah. - Baby, you know I love

the work that you're doing.

- Thank you, yes. - Uh made the dang legs

real small.

(Caldwell laughing) I mean if you compare the arms

to the legs... - Mm-hmm.

- [Brohemoth 1] There's not a comparison.

I could see why y'all been struggling down here.

- Yeah yeah. - You made them

so dang small, friend.

- [Caldwell] Okay okay.

- Can you give us some big beefy legs?

- Big, beefy legs for the tooling.

- How bout this?

Alright.

Like this, maybe?

- Ooh! (everyone laughing)

Well there you go. - That could be good.

- [Caldwell] They're just coming out.

- [Brohemoth 1] I like this.

- [Brohemoth 3] Why don't we do this?

Because we've instantly jumped into

merchandising opportunities with this cartoon

which I love and it feels very us.

- [Brohemoth 1] Mm-hmm.

Oh I like this one in front, and one behind.

Yes yes yes. - Yeah, for balancing.

Maybe these bags that you get the toys in

don't have complete figures in them.

It just has appendages.

- Oh I love that. - Mm.

And then you can kind of mix and match make

your own Hell Baby.

- Oh, body bags.

- Body bags, that's a line. - Yes.

- Body bags is great.

Is this the dance move flossing?

- [Caldwell] This is absolutely

what flossing is. (Nathan laughing)

I'm 100% certain.

So I think my thoughts

on the lore here. - Mm.

- [Caldwell] And I think lore is gonna be

very important for this product.

This is Hell-O Baby.

- Uh-huh. - Sure.

- And Hell-O Baby poops out special bags.

- Oh okay. - Yes yes yes!

And just to be clear, it's Hell-O, Baby, right?

This isn't like, hello, baby.

This is like, Hell-O Baby. - Oh yeah.

Like Hell-O Baby. - And also looks like

you've maybe invented a new kind of genitals in there.

(everyone laughing) - Yeah.

Kind of a pretzel twist on the genitals.

- [Brohemoth 3] Sort of like an Auntie-Anne's genital, yes.

- [Managar] We've been doing great genital work down here.

That's honestly, that's been a key focus of our team.

- [Caldwell] So I love the idea of Hell Jellies

and body bags, and I think that's what we got here

is like, there's just one popping out right there.

- [Brohemoth 1] I do enjoy too that he looks

very proud of himself.

Having made it, he has a very like,

hmm, I've done it. - Mm-hmm.

- [Brohemoth 3] We shouldn't be seeing this.

He's embarrassed that we're seeing this.

(Caldwell and Nathan laughing)

- [Brohemoth 1] Nobody's supposed to be here for this.

- [Caldwell] I mean I wanna give him a little extra arms

so he can be like, oopsie. (Nathan hysterically laughing)

- That's very good. - Oh yeah yeah.

- [Brohemoth 1] And I like that it's a baby arm.

That's a very important-- - Yeah, it's super good.

- [Brohemoth 2] And maybe the horns or legs,

I'm just saying that out there,

maybe-- - Yeah yeah yeah.

- I just-- - Why the fuck not?

(laughing) - The thing that I'm really

struggling with right now is where...

What is our entry point as the audience?

Where are we onboarded into the narrative

of Hell-O Baby?

Who are we identifying with?

- [Nathan] Okay Hell-O Baby is the coolest kid in school.

Obviously. - Obviously.

I do like the idea that maybe there is

an exchange student or something.

Or like, somebody has been entrusted with Hell-O Baby.

- Mm. - Mm-hmm.

- [Caldwell] Like somebody went

to their grandfather's egg shop.

(laughing) Mixed up at the stork factory.

That kind of deal.

- Yeah. - Classic.

- [Nathan] And they say

grandpa, what's this egg back here?

And they're like, don't touch that egg, Billy.

- No no no. - The pectoral muscles

are on scale with baby appendages

which is such a fucking

bold choice. - That's wild to me.

(laughing) - Is this the position

Hell-O Baby is always in,

or is this just a position that it enters

when it's time to produce its product?

- I think that's the catch phrase.

Is "It's Time To Produce."

- It's time to produce.

- "Four On The Floor, Hell-O Baby."

- "It's Time For This Tot To Squat."

(laughing hysterically)

- Oh no. - It's very good.

- [Brohemoth 1] I feel like the body bags

are $4.95. - Uh-huh.

- [Brohemoth 1] But you can buy Hell-O Baby for like 50.

- [Brohemoth 3] Yeah it's like a pound puppy situation.

You just come stocked full of body bags.

- Mm. - Oh but it's not,

there's not some sort of material

that you can feed into Hell-O Baby.

He's not like a 3D printer

of Jelly Bags. - Uh, there wasn't,

until you just said that.

So let's go ahead and just edit this mouth right here.

- [Nathan] Yeah, he basically,

he needs a filament hole.

A filament fly.

- [Brohemoth 1] Oh yes yes yes.

Maybe you can't time when the bags come out of the toy.

- [Caldwell] No, certainly not.

- [Brohemoth 1] Like if you don't catch them, oh god.

- [Brohemoth 3] They're very flammable.

- [Brohemoth 1] You have to watch Hell-O Baby 24/7.

- [Caldwell] Yeah I'm gonna go ahead

and light up the eyes to let you know

that it is time to produce.

- [Brohemoth 1] Mm-hm.

The other option is in the cartoon of Hell-O Baby.

- Mm-hmm. - He wants the filaments

so bad but they don't want him to have the filament

and so he gets into these like, silly situations

where he does these little heists to get the filament

from-- - Oh, like a Scooby snack.

- [Brohemoth 1] Like a Scooby snack.

- [Brohemoth 2] Does he ever get the filament?

Or is that our series finale?

- [Managar] We gotta go with like an Enter John

kind of deal. - Right.

- [Managar] Like it's just a unit of currency

in the world.

- [Brohemoth 2] Right, it's like the Doozers

love to eat the Fraggle,

Fraggle love to eat the Doozer building materials.

- And Alf loves to eat cats. - Alf loves to eat cats.

But there's always more cats.

- [Brohemoth 1] So excited to see how you all

have artistically rendered the concept of filament here.

I knew that maybe that was gonna be

a bit of a challenge for you.

- Oh it comes in a tube.

And I think that's the slogan for that.

Is the filament...

- It comes in a tube.

Filament, now in liquid form.

You were probably thinking when we said filaments

some kind of thread or string.

No no no.

This is liquid filament.

- [Caldwell] I think what happens is

you get the filament in a liquid form

and then you add your own sand.

- [Nathan] And you need your own glove, apparently.

Your own protective.

- Oh absolutely. - You do not wanna

get this filament on you. - Oh yeah.

Very toxic.

- [Nathan] Glove is not included.

- Nathan, you gotta get in here.

- Alright, let me do a draw.

- Alright.

- [Nathan] Okay, what should I do?

- [Brohemoth 1] Can I make a suggestion? I would love...

Is Hell-O Baby the sort of the baby of the family?

- Oh. - Oh.

- And we always see the rest of them

from like, Nanny from Muppet Babies.

Sort of like waist down. - Mm-hmm.

- That's good.

Family of Hell-O Baby.

- [Caldwell] And just cause we're only seeing the legs

doesn't mean they can't have a lot of personality.

- [Brohemoth 1] Yeah.

- [Nathan] Kinky boots for example.

- [Brohemoth 3] Wait, but then is Hell-O Baby

baby having babies?

- Um... - No.

- [Nathan] It's better if you don't think of it as birth.

So it's like getting rid of parasites.

- [Brohemoth 3] In our sort of like, kid testing,

and some of our market research,

we firmly tell people to not use the term birth.

- Okay. - Births or conception

or anything makes it a much worse

play experience for the kids.

- Well I think we need to come up with a new word

for this new type of life giving.

And I'm thinking boopies.

- Boopies!

- You could did like a borth.

- Uh-huh.

- [Brohemoth 1] Borth.

- [Nathan] I like the idea of this boofy,

uh, borth situation, is not a normal thing

that this race does.

- Oh yeah. - I don't think I would

call it a superpower so much as maybe a condition

that Hell-O Baby has.

- Yeah. - Right.

- [Brohemoth 3] So Hell-O-Daddy

has the filament.

- Mm-hmm. - And Hell-O Baby wants it

because it's some favorite snack

and it's how he makes boopies or borth.

And so I think the things that the toys

that Hell-O Baby produces...

- Yes. - Ultimately are soldiers

in its campaign to get the filament from Hell-O Daddy.

- Oh I see.

You think this is part of the learning experience

just like getting that filament.

Like learning how to get the filament for yourself

is kind of like a necessary step

before you can leave the hive. - Right, exactly.

- [Brohemoth 2] Oh so, just to be clear,

Hell-O Daddy is very proud of Hell-O Baby.

I just wanna make that clear.

- [Caldwell] I love that.

And I do love these boots that you've drawn in here Nathan.

I like the one strap.

- [Nathan] Thank you.

Yeah just one strap.

I'm trying to design a proud papa for Hell-O Baby.

- [Caldwell] That actually looks like a

concerned papa right there.

Oh no.

(laughing) - I feel like Hell-O-Daddy

is kind of maybe...

He's sometimes having a good natured argument

with Hell-O Mommy about whether or not

they continuing existence of Hell-O Baby

is safe for this dimension and all others.

- That's a real conundrum.

What we got there?

- [Nathan] Um, I feel like he's got the feet horns too.

But he's a dad so he wears loafers maybe?

- Oh sure. - That's very good.

- And shorts, and maybe shorts on his legs.

- Yeah let's throw some leg garters up on that bad boy.

- Yeah. - Could use some sock garters.

- Yup.

There's just something about the shorts

that make it seem as though his head is

swallowing an upside down dad.

- Yes. - Which is good.

That's powerful.

That's powerful.

- [Brohemoth 2] It looks like Hell-O-Daddy

could flip over and run on his head for a while

if he needed to.

- [Brohemoth 1] I think that's like an escape mechanism.

- [Brohemoth 3] Mm-hmm.

- [Brohemoth 1] I do need to point out

you've broken convention a little bit

by having what I assume is Hell-O-Mommy

on the right side there

just be sort of legs going the correct direction

attached to the sort of traditional parts of the human body.

- [Brohemoth 2] Oh maybe that's it.

Hell-O Baby is half human.

- Oh, interesting. - Oh.

- Ah I see, I see, I see.

- Yeah. - This is like a

regular sized human.

- Mm-hmm. - Compared to Hell-O Baby.

So Hell-O Baby's kind of small.

- [Brohemoth 1] Yeah we want Hell-O Baby

to be like child sized. - Right, okay.

- [Brohemoth 1] You want your child,

your son or daughter to be able to hold Hell-O Baby

in their arms as they sleep.

- Yeah. - And they wake up

and they're just covered in body bags.

- [Caldwell] I do think that's the

last piece of the puzzle.

It's like what's in the body bag?

- What's in the bag? - Mm-hmm.

- [Brohemoth 3] Cause you can kind of do it like

you do in comics sometimes where it's like

a circle around the back and then you're like

magnifying it in a larger circle.

- [Nathan] Yeah that's good.

Okay parents, here's what you're getting.

- [Caldwell] Here's what you got in store.

- [Nathan] Yeah.

- [Brohemoth 3] We have to make what's ever in the bags

be for the parents.

- Oh. - Ooh, alright.

- [Brohemoth 3] Because kids don't have any fucking money.

Kids will love playing with the Hell-O Baby

because the Hell-O Baby is a very very fun 3D printer.

But parents are really gonna be excited about it because

it produces, uh I don't know, tickets to Steely Dan concerts

or whatever a grown up parents are.

- Reasonably priced razor blades.

- Yeah. - Oh yeah.

A crisp chardonnay.

Charcuterie.

- Mm-hmm. - Some nice transition lens

sunglasses.

- [Brohemoth 3] A good real estate market.

- [Nathan] So I heard wine, I heard transition lenses.

- [Brohemoth 3] Uh-huh.

- [Nathan] Oh, transition lens bottle.

- Uh-huh. - So people know

if you're outside, it's a white wine,

if you're inside,

it's a red wine. - It's a red wine, okay.

- [Brohemoth 3] Could the bottle be playing like a

smooth guitar? - Yeah yeah yeah.

- [Brohemoth 2] And is this Steely Dan branded wine?

- [Brohemoth 3] Well maybe off-brand.

Maybe it's like inspired by Steely Dan.

- [Caldwell] This is Rusty Pete.

- Mm-hmm. - Rusty Pete red wine.

- [Brohemoth 1] See, dads hate this.

Look what you done.

As a dad, I can say, this is something for my kids.

This is for my kids.

This bottle that plays guitar.

Are you wild?

- You telling me you don't wanna drink out of that bad boy?

- [Brohemoth 1] Looks like something that'd be in

Pee-wee Herman's fridge.

You all are killing me with this.

- [Caldwell] It's collectible.

- [Brohemoth 2] The music is gonna be good though.

And the wine flavor is gonna be out of this world.

- [Brohemoth 1] Fine guys, this is fine.

You all got this stretching.

This has gotta be great wine.

(laughing)

- [Brohemoth 2] This is gonna be have to be a 98

on the wine scale you know?

- [Nathan] Yeah and that's maybe how we get across

how good this fucking wine's gonna be.

- The filament's gonna be expensive

but you can feed it grapes for free.

- Ooh!

What if we build in like, the Hell-O Baby has a

let's say lifespan, and then has to be replaced out.

And it's like oh you can give it grapes,

but that will shorten lifespan and then you'll have to

buy another one soon.

- [Brohemoth 1] Okay so we're gamefying it a little bit.

I like that. - Yeah a little bit.

But he will die.

Like imagine if your action figures died.

- [Caldwell] And that's the end of the commercial.

(laughing)

- Imagine it though.

Can you imagine it for a moment?

- This is Travis' new spec script for Toy Story.

(laughing)

- Come watch your toys die.

(laughing)

- We found a way.

Is it possible that that's what the guitar bottle

is singing about?

- Watch your toys die? - Yeah.

- [Brohemoth 2] Okay.

Maybe it's like a sad kind of ballad.

- [Brohemoth 3] The slime bag is for the parents.

So finding out that the toy one day won't be there,

making the horrible noises, and honestly,

probably bad smell, it's probably gonna be

very exciting to the parents.

- [Brohemoth 2] I feel like this wine bottle

has kinda become its own character though.

- [Brohemoth 1] It kinda looks like fucking River Cuomo

has a sentient wine bottle.

- [Brohemoth 3] Well, that's what we can do.

That's your spinoff, right there.

You start, you jab us here with Hell-O Baby

boofeeing out of the wine bottle,

and the wine bottle has an adventure.

The thing about these slime bags though,

is that they have varying levels of rarity and excitement

associated with them.

I don't know how we replicate that for parents

unless like every 100th bag, the Hell-O Baby produce this

some keys to Hyundai Elantra

that is actually out in your driveway.

- I like that. - Or maybe it's just

the receipt for Hell-O Baby and you're allowed to return it.

(laughing)

- [Caldwell] I think these are all great ideas.

I think we've taken this as far as we can.

Should we feed this into Cartoon-O-Tron?

- Yubble-gobble.

Boopoodap, Hoobastank, arise Cartoon-O-Tron

and grace us with your animation mechanics.

- I thought I was the Hell-O Baby.

- No you're video baby, remember?

- No, I am all babies please.

You have to love me.

It is in my contract.

- Uh Cartoon-O-Tron, we have,

I don't know if it's a cartoon

or just more of an advertisement for a toy at this point

but whatever it is,

I'm sure you're gonna work your magic with it.

- Okay, I will eat it and poop it out.

Even though that seems to be what this cartoon is about.

You fucking hacks.

Get ready.

(cheerful theme)

- Oh, what a day.

Time for some filament.

Sweetie, have you seen my filament?

- It's not in your filament caddy?

- Why, no.

But I always put my filament in my filament caddy.

It should be there.

Unless...

Oh no.

(ominous music)

- It's time to produce.

(explosion)

- Oh Hell-O Baby, what a mess you've made.

Let's get this cleaned up.

- A 1973 Couderc Noir and a delightful cheese pairing?

Oh Hell-O Baby, you did this for me?

- Mm-hmm.

Yes stuff your face old man.

I will grind your fat greasy bones

into the filament I so crave.

- What was that?

- I love you.

- Aw. - Aw.

- Okay so that is Hell-O Baby.

The blind bag, cartoon adventure.

What do we think?

- Honestly boys, this is quite possibly one of your most

psychotropic descent into madness I've ever witnessed.

- Thank you.

- Honestly, it's clear where the failure was.

You two completely just failed to realize the vision

that Brohemoth has laid out before you.

- Brohemoth, do you think that we do you think we failed?

Did we not recognize your glory and your radiance?

- Yeah that's a good way of putting it.

- Okay.

- I just want to fucking see some cool He-Man drawings.

And you guys couldn't even satisfy that one simple request.

- Well the arms are kind of He-Man-esque.

- I said noir, and there's nothing noir about it whatsoever.

- We said a cool, hip, slick talking He-Man hell detective.

And you all fucking were like

well what if we draw a big baby all twisted up?

- That is what happened, yeah.

- Yeah. - That's pretty accurate

description of what we did.

- I also just wanna note that at some point

you added a second strap to the boot.

God I hate it.

(laughing) - I don't even know

how you got that one past me.

Ugh, I guess I'm saying I'm glad you died.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Hey you know, that's just the honest truth.

- That's what it is.

And you know we appreciate your honesty.

We get so many critiques that just kind of

dance around it, but you've really cut to the core of it.

You're glad that we died and it's good that we're here.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Managar, why don't you hit us with that punishment?

- Because you two had a torn apart what should be a

close knit family, I will punish you with the one thing

that tear apart even the closest friends and acquaintances.

Nathan, watch in horror as a dog that you own

attacks Caldwell repeatedly while you forcefully

and awkwardly try an insist that it's a friendly dog.

- Oh. - Oh no!

- [Nathan] Dang it, oh no, he's just playing.

- [Caldwell] He's going for my crotch.

He's just running for my crotch.

- [Nathan] No it means he likes you.

Thanks for watching Cartoon Hell.

We're here forever.

Do a pet.

- [Caldwell] Yeah that wet my hand.

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