Original subtitles

Wow.

**

What does it mean to push the boundaries of hospitality,

to transport our appetites beyond the limits of reason,

to take the seven-course meal into the fourth dimension?

Well, we'll find out tonight when we go "Out of this World"

on a very special "At Home with Amy Sedaris."

Uh-oh!

Huh, next time I keep it!

**

**

So often on this show, we embrace the traditional --

time-honored recipes,

classic crafts, old-school etiquette.

Tonight, we're gonna blast this show into the stratosphere.

On the space log tonight, dishes that astound,

crafts from the edges of the cosmos,

and then we will see something never attempted

on a hit TV show before -- [mechanically] supper in space.

[ Normally ] And I'm gonna tell you something

that will leave you flabbergasted.

[ Mechanically ] I won't be dining alone.

[ Normally ] But before we blast off, I thought it would be fun

to get some quick tips on space travel,

so I'd like to introduce my first guest,

a real, live astronaut.

Please welcome Commander Cary Colonel.

[ Applause ]

Commander Colonel, it's so great to have you on my show.

Actually, my last name is Commander.

My rank is Colonel.

Oh, okay.

I apologize for that, Colonel Commander.

But I am a Commander.

Oh, okay.

Commander Colonel Commander, welcome to my show.

It's my pleasure. [ Chuckles ]

I'm sure a lot of people have difficultly with that name.

No. You're the first.

Oh. Okay, well, now it says here

that you have returned from space

after spending 26 months on a shuttle orbiting the Earth.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, and here's an interesting space fact.

Being in space causes your bones to lose density.

Oh!

At this moment, my skeleton has the same structural integrity

as --

oh, I don't know -- a marzipan acorn,

peanut brittle,

inside of a chocolate Whopper.

-My goodness. -Yeah.

Oh, you're right.

That's incredible.

It's okay because I love all those things.

-Oh, okay! -[ Chuckles ]

26 months is a long time to be in space.

Yeah.

Sometimes I feel more at home in space than I do on Earth.

Oh, okay.

Well, that reminds me of an old astronaut joke.

Why did the astronaut leave his wife?

Because he wanted more space.

[ Laughs ]

I'm sorry. Is there something wrong?

I just find astronaut relationship jokes

that amusing after what I've been going through.

Oh. I was married briefly, but my marriage disintegrated

after I tragically lost my libido in orbit.

Oh, I'm -- Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

Well, I wish you being sorry could make the hurt go away,

but it doesn't, does it, Amy?

-Oh. -Anyway...

I'm sure you understand how it must feel to be an astronaut

who can't get his rocket to blast off.

I'm sure it happens to a lot of astronauts.

All I know is I'm attracted to women,

so that's not the issue.

Oh.

I think it's pretty clear what happened to me.

Space travel robbed me of my ability to pleasure a woman.

Here we are talking about bone density again.

Okay, well, then did anything good happen to you in space?

Oh, yes, I'm glad you brought that up.

I brought some interesting footage of me during my mission.

Oh, that sounds like fun.

Oh, roll it, Smokey.

[ Projector whirs ]

**

[ Tap dancing ]

**

Oh, wow!

That's you?

That's fantastic!

Yeah, there's a lot of downtime in space,

so I use it to pursue my first love, which is dance.

Oh, well, I have a quick question.

Why could I hear your tap boots clicking?

I thought there was no sound in space.

Yes, uh, well, science tells us that's mostly true,

but we've learned you can elicit sound in space

if you have enough passion, and I've got that in spades.

Oh, okay. Well, speaking of science,

I was hoping we could do an experiment together.

Sure, I hope it involves dancing.

It involves ping-pong balls.

How would you deal with a dented ping-pong ball?

I-I guess I'd just buy six more.

[ Chuckles ] Okay.

Let's say you're on the space station orbiting the Earth,

and you can't buy more.

Oh, um...

Oh, I don't know.

Well, I'm glad you asked.

Okay, here we go.

All right, number first --

you want the water to boil.

Here you go.

Now, while we wait for the water to boil,

maybe you can tell me more about the experiments you did

on that trip of yours.

Don't watch the water. It won't boil.

-Oh. -Science.

Yeah, during my time in space,

I did a lot of pioneering research

into the effects of zero gravity on my high kick.

Oh, gosh!

Wow. Hold that thought.

Our water is boiling. -Oh.

So now what you're gonna do is, you're gonna toss in a ball.

And as you can see, it's dented.

Okay.

And show Smokey that it's dented.

Look at that -- damaged balls.

-Balls. -Now drop it in the water.

And if you look closely, the dimple is disappearing.

The dimple is disappearing!

Science! [ Chuckles ] Look at that.

You want to take it out, and we'll prove

that it is round again.

**

I'm impressed. [ Laughs ]

So what's your next mission, Commander?

Well, I'm be blasting off in my one-man show --

"One Small Step for Man, One Heel Shuffle Toe to Buffalo."

-Oh. -Oh, I have a flier.

Oh, great. Here.

Oh, it's a musical.

* You gave me a soul kiss

* Behind the fruit stand

* You gave me a soul kiss

* And then I knew

[ Chuckles ] Oh, okay.

Well, thank you for stopping by, Commander Colonel.

[ Applause ]

Okay.

Well, I love the idea of space lettuce -- so exotic --

but unless you own a rocket, difficult to come by.

So we came up with our own fantastic,

out-of-this-world dishes.

This is Recipes from the Beyond.

Recipes from the Beyond!

Sometimes nothing is more satisfying

than eating leftovers from yesterday,

but imagine eating yesterday's food from tomorrow today.

Pretty far out, right?

We're gonna show you how to make a salad from the future.

As you know, I get all my seeds from my good neighbor

and heir to the Quarrel & Hogg Seed Company,

Patty Hogg.

I'm gonna turn my kitchen over to her

while I walk the Commander to his Stingray.

[ Car horn honks in distance ] Patty.

Hello! Salad from the future!

Easy to do, tough to manage.

First thing you're gonna do is you're gonna grab a wooden bowl

about the size of a wooden bowl.

That's this size.

You're gonna fill it midway with nitrogen-rich soil.

Now, if you find a worm, don't panic.

You can always just put it in your compost,

or you can do what I do.

I pull them apart, and I put them down the garbage disposal.

[ Garbage disposal whirring ]

I don't like worms -- never did, never will.

Get a wiggle on!

Now, what you're gonna do is you're gonna add

your Quarrel & Hogg Seeds right there.

And these are heirloom-quality, heritage-line,

super-potent seeds.

We've got all the lettuce varieties.

We've got red, Bibb, Boston, romaine,

arugula, dandelion, endive, kale, radicchio, and watercress!

I'll tell you what's not in there -- bok choy.

It's not a lettuce, no matter what you hear.

It's a leafy vegetable more closely related to the cabbage.

It gives Leslie gas, and he's just a slip of a thing.

Oh, I've said too much. I've said too much.

Now what you're gonna do is you're gonna take

two wooden spoons -- they don't have to match --

and you're gonna mix it up like so.

Oh, I see some more worms.

I don't even want to look at it.

Now what you're gonna do is you're gonna bury this

in the ground for six months, or half a year.

Now we happen to happen to have a freshly dug salad

from the future that we made in the past

that you can enjoy in the present.

And look at this beauty.

Can you get a close-up on that, Smokey?

Look at those beautiful leafy greens.

But what this beautiful assortment is missing

is a crunch -- a crunch!

I'm gonna baptize it with some croutons.

Like so, there you have it.

That's it for me.

I hope you enjoy your salad.

I'm going to woman's place.

Getting my tubes tied.

Bye-bye. Good luck at the clinic.

I want to thank Patty Hogg for her wonderful seeds.

Now, future salad isn't the only galactic delight

I'll be bringing on my journey into space

because, when we return, we're gonna taste a meteorite.

[ Clock beeping ]

Welcome back to "At Home with Amy Sedaris."

Tonight, we're gonna go out of this world,

and I would never travel into the cosmos

without a fantastic, delicious dessert.

We'll be making a meteorite cake.

First, we're gonna start with a simple sponge cake.

You can also do, like, a brownie bottom if you wanted to,

but I like the sponge cake.

And then you're gonna add a mound of ice cream on top.

Now, you can use any flavor ice cream.

I went with a mint chocolate chip

because the color will really give it a punch.

And a good tip is to line your bowl with saran wrap,

pack the ice cream in it, and then freeze it overnight,

just because it makes it easier

to pop it out of the bowl, and it's less messy.

Sometimes I don't even wash that bowl.

See that? Don't even have to wash it now.

All right.

Then you're gonna take the saran wrap off it like so.

You can get a close-up on that, Smokey.

Look at that beautiful mint green.

All right, now we're gonna put it on top

of the sponge cake like so.

All right.

You don't have to worry about it not touching --

the ice cream's gonna melt down.

Thing about this cake is you want to make it quickly

'cause it's ice cream and it can melt.

Okay, now what you're gonna do is you're gonna top it off

with an additional layer of meringue, which my assistant,

Denise Panko, is hand-whipping as we speak.

Now, Denise isn't just any egg-white beat, she's a two-time

Copper Bottom Egg White Beater champion.

Take it away, Denise.

Fun fact about Denise is she just got married last week,

and normally I don't let my employees have a relationship,

but I'll let this one slide.

Congratulations, Denise.

You had that whole week off that I gave you.

And you were allowed three days vacation.

This takes a lot of arm strength to whip egg whites.

I just can't do it, not since I had the baby.

I could watch this all day, but it's only a 24-minute show.

Thank you, Denise, and good luck with your marriage.

I give it three months.

Okay.

So now what we're gonna do is we're gonna take the egg whites,

and we're gonna apply it on top.

Now what you want to do is you want to use a knife,

spread it on top, and you actually,

when you do it, you want to form the peak.

See what I'm doing here? I'm actually --

Smokey, if you can get a close-up on that

as I'm actually forming peaks as we speak.

Here we go.

You know, I'm self-taught, I didn't go to cooking school.

The skills that I have in the kitchen are just --

it blows people's minds.

And I speak Chinese.

Peaks, peaks, peaks -- look at this.

Now what we're gonna do is we're gonna take the blow torch,

and we're gonna toast these peaks.

You have to be very careful with that.

You might want to wear some goggles at home

or get your husband to do this.

Or girlfriend. Okay?

And you want to kind get stay far away enough from it.

Look at that -- how nicely the peaks toasted.

And there you have it -- meteorite cake.

Now I'm gonna keep this cool until blast off.

Let's head over to the craft room

for some out-of-this-world crafts.

* Beads and things and glitter and strings *

* Glue and sew and buttons and bows *

Most people consider crafting to be an activity

where one turns simple something into wonderful nothings.

But tonight, I will show you how to craft the woefully

impractical into the delightfully fantastical.

And to begin with, the macaroni box space mask.

First thing you're gonna do is you're gonna open

your favorite box of macaroni.

And throw it out.

It's cheap, you can afford it.

Okay.

Then what you're gonna do is you're gonna cut the back

out of the empty box.

Okay, so what I'm talking about is this.

And you're gonna decorate the box in colors and shapes

from another dimension.

This craft will push any space party into the stratosphere.

[ Mechanically ] And you wear it like this.

I am from another planet.

[ Normally ] Oh, that's fun.

My next craft is my favorite craft ever --

marshmallow stars.

What you're gonna do is you're gonna use a needle.

This one's pre-threaded,

which is a terrific gift for the elderly.

You're gonna knot it at the bottom.

You're gonna take a marshmallow.

Let me reach into my smock,

which is made out of a garment bag.

And you're gonna pierce the marshmallow like so.

And I'll do it in slow motion.

How the needle is piercing, so satisfying.

Pull it through like this.

Fish it, fish it, fish it.

It's getting a little sticky, but that's okay.

Pull it through, and then you're gonna set it aside.

The next thing you're gonna do is you're going to get a plate.

You're gonna apply some glue like so.

And you're gonna take a toothpick.

Let me reach into my smock pocket and get some toothpicks.

And you're gonna roll it in the glue like this.

Then you're gonna take some glitter.

you can use red or blue or purple or orange or silver.

I'm gonna use silver 'cause that's what we have the most of.

Then you're gonna take the toothpick

that's smothered in glue,

and you're gonna roll it in the glitter like this.

Okay?

Now you're gonna want to dry this.

You can do it overnight or for a few hours

because if you inserted it into the marshmallow,

you're gonna get that on the side,

which is fine if that's what you're going for,

but it's better if it dries.

But the finished product is gonna look like this.

And like I said, it's one of my favorite crafts.

You can just hang it up and stare at it

from anywhere you want.

And the great thing about this craft

is you need zero muscle mass to make it.

It's the perfect decoration for that dinner party

from another galaxy.

It's the glitter that really gives these stars

the twinkle of a night sky.

There is nothing more festive and fun than glitter.

It's the perfect accent to any surface you can stick it to,

but did you ever wonder where glitter comes from?

Wonder no more.

Roll it, Smokey.

[ Projector whirring ]

Announcer: For over six generations,

the J. Hinkey Glitter Corporation

has been the major supplier of our nation's consumer glitter.

Each day, proud American workers descend deep into the Earth

to work the glitter mines.

And he fires! [ Explosion ]

And tons of glitter bursts nature's shackles,

eager to do man's bidding,

gussying up felt projects

or enhancing a child's fairy wand.

For many years, J. Hinkey

was free from the watchful eye of government,

during which time,

they suffered only acceptable numbers of causalities

to mine collapse and glitter lung.

But in recent years,

J. Hinkey mined under the black cloud of government regulation.

But who knows better what amount of glitter runoff

into our stream and waterways is appropriate?

J. Hinkey or the spineless government watchdog

who's immune to the luminescent sparkle of glitter.

This film has been produced by the J. Hinkey Corporation

in conjunction with the National Rifle Association.

[ Gunshot fires ]

That was informative.

I wish it was in color.

When we come back, we will travel beyond

the final frontier.

C-Cut!

[ Clock beeping ]

Wow.

I'm getting a lovely view of the appetizer belt.

At one time, most people believed our moon

was made of cheese.

Of course, we now know that's not true.

It's made out of moon.

But that doesn't mean we can't make our own moon out of cheese.

I believe there is no better appetizer than cheese.

What is it about cheese?

To achieve our crescent curd,

first we start with two cups of smoked Gouda

right here, which I went ahead and shredded.

Add it to my mixing bowl like so.

You're gonna add a stick of butter.

Okay, you're gonna add some steak sauce,

which is vegetarian,

for all your annoying friends who are vegetarian.

You're gonna add 3 teaspoons of a heavy cream or milk.

You're gonna need two 8-ounce packages of cream cheese.

Now, all of this should be room temp

so it's easier to mix with your hand mixer,

or you can use a regular, traditional mixer.

Normally my husband does this for me, but he doesn't exist.

Okay.

Just keep mixing it up like this.

Okay. Turn that off.

Now I'm gonna chill this overnight.

Okay.

All righty.

Put this in last night.

Before I put my kids to bed, I made this.

Now what you're gonna do is you're gonna form a ball.

And if you know any kids that roll hash for a living,

this is an excellent job to give them

'cause they can make the ball extra tight.

And that's really the trick of making an attractive ball.

Okay, form it, form it, form it.

Now what I should've done before I did this --

because my hands are a little messy --

I should have laid out my nut shake.

Okay.

With the nut shake, you can use pecans, walnuts, pistachios --

ladies' choice.

Then you're gonna take your tight ball,

and you're gonna actually roll it.

You can kind of help out by patting it and rolling it

and patting it and rolling it.

Okay.

Then you're gonna place the ball on a decorative plate like so.

And then you're gonna surround it with some crackers

like this, nice, neat.

And then you're gonna top it with a party pick of some sort.

I like this little ham.

It's got a little chip on it, but that's okay.

Stick it right in the center like so.

There you have it.

A cheese moon is a great appetizer choice

if you're on a budget because you can serve a cheese ball

while entertaining friends on Monday,

spend Tuesday perking up the ball,

and then reserve it a naive group of guests on Wednesday.

They'll never know the difference -- Trust me.

I've planned my menu.

I made the perfect space crafts.

I've learned the art of astronaut-ing.

I'm almost ready to fire my boosters, but before I lift off,

I wonder if I've thought of everything.

[ Bells jingle ] You forgot one thing.

Hi, Regional Wine Lady.

Amy, you look out of this world!

I heard you're traveling through space.

You're gonna want to take the perfect cocktail.

I recommend the flaming Buzz Cauldron.

What you're gonna do is take a cup

of your favorite orange-flavored powder drink,

mix in one part tequila.

Which part -- I don't know --

some shaved ice, and some blue liqueur.

It's gonna stain your lips, but, hey, no one's looking at me.

You're gonna garnish with a fruit flag

of an orange and a cherry.

I whipped up a batch right here in this thermos.

Great.

Well, I've got to go.

We're driving to Roswell for the UFO Galacticon Fest.

I'll be cranking up the ham radio on the way,

and I got my handle, Whiskey Dick.

* It's Friday night, I'm gonna get drunk *

* I'm gonna get laid, I'm gonna be late *

* On Monday

See you around like a doughnut.

Thanks, Regional Wine Lady.

When we return,

we're gonna be going out of this world.

[ Clock beeping ]

[ Clock beeping ]

Welcome, my Earth friends.

Soon I'll be blasting off into the cosmos

to dine among the stars.

All my preparations have been prepped,

my arrangements arranged, and my itinerary itinerized.

I've got all my shots.

I'll be taking one small step for dinner,

one giant leap for hospitality.

Kk! Choo!

Kk, kk!

Chee, choo, chink!

**

Man: 10, 9,

8, 7,

6, 5,

4, 3,

2, 1, zero.

Ignition.

Lift off.

**

**

**

**

**

**

**

**

**

**

**

Who is this Otherworlder?

She is just a friend.

Oh, hi. Amy Sedaris, planet Earth.

She is not of our kind.

Goanug, name your choice.

I choose...

Kun-it-ta!

[ Rattles shake ]

Kun-it-ta has been passed down from before the formation.

[ Echoing ] We will do battle.

Battle? I'm sorry. What's happening?

[ Normally ] Why is this confusing?

During the mating cycle, it is his right to choose,

and he chosen combat.

The winner of which shall take possession of Goanug.

What does the loser get?

-[ Echoing ] Death! -Death?!

It begins!

What am I supposed to do with this?

Are you kidding me?

[ Laughs ] Okay, bring it on!

[ Both grunt ]

I will destroy you.

[ Both grunting ]

Aah!

Ow! [ Laughs ]

Aah!

Aah!

[ Gasps ] Go!

[ Rattles shaking ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Engine sputters ] Come on. Come on!

[ Engine starts, revs ]

[ Rattles shaking ]

**

It's time for Hits and Misses.

Hits -- we met a real, live astronaut.

Cheese balls!

Successful intergalactic space travel.

Misses -- never leave Earth with an ice cream cake.

It doesn't travel well.

I weigh the same in space.

Jealous aliens.

I hope you've enjoyed exploring

the outer reaches of our universe.

Until next time, good night.

[ Electricity crackles ]

I'm in the Federation!

[ Whoosh! ]