Original subtitles

[theme song plays]

♪ Todd and Riley were, oh, so sad ♪

♪ Then they came 'cross a Fleemco ad ♪

♪ They sent away a $1.98 ♪

♪ Got a superspy mom ♪

♪ And a daredevil dude of a dad ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ The replacements ♪

♪ Now anytime they come across adults ♪

♪ Who are sly and deny and deprive them ♪

♪ And make things bad ♪

[phone ringing]

[Mr. Fleem] Hello, Fleemco.

Sir, we need a replacement.

And fast.

♪ And anytime they wanna make a change ♪

♪ Modify and rearrange ♪

♪ Though it might get kinda strange ♪

♪ Make 'em better, nice And strong and fast ♪

♪ And smart and cool and maybe even lame ♪

♪ Call in the replacements ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ Get the replacements ♪

♪ Just get the replacements ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ Get the replacements ♪

[girls laughing]

Hey, I was gonna play Monkey Cop: Baboonatics in here.

Sorry, but we're doing a "rate your man" test.

Is he kissable, or dissable?

And according to this, Riley has no reason to diss her guy.

-[all screaming] -Wait a minute.

Since when do you even have a guy?

[laughs] Duh! Everyone knows that Johnny and I are totally a couple.

Duh! Except Johnny.

And now, I have the online test to prove it.

One, diss your man if he doesn't listen.

Run, Johnny, run!

He listened to me!

Two, diss your man if he spends too much time with the boys.

There's not a boy in sight.

[girls sigh and swoon]

[Riley] Three, diss your man if he won't share his feelings.

[yelling]

Oh, man, that hurts.

Pain is a feeling!

He so shares his feelings with me! [gasps]

[all scream]

See, Johnny totally isn't dissable!

No, you're just totally delusional.

Those tests are useless and they... they...

Oh, what's that phrase?

Tend to adolescent females' needs for reassurance and validation.

[Todd] Thanks, Jacobo.

The test doesn't lie, Todd.

It's designed by scientists and supermodels.

If it's so scientific, how come it doesn't apply to Mom and Dad?

Dick, remember you promised to clean out the garage tonight, OK?

Thanks, honey, but I already ate.

[gasps] Not listening.

Well, I'm off to my card game to hang out with the boys.

[Riley gasps] The boys!

You do get so excited about your time with the boys, don't you?

Uh, can't tell you. Gotta keep my poker face on.

[all gasping] The triple diss!

[computer beeping]

Dad, Mom's gonna diss you if you act like that.

I mean, you didn't hear a word she said.

Ah, don't worry. Your Uncle Phil says most women talk

-just to hear themselves speak, anyway. -Wait, Phil?

Phil Mygrave? Your stunt coordinator?

[scoffs] What does he have to do with this?

Well, you may find this hard to believe, but sometimes, I need a little advice

in the romance department, and Phil is full of it.

I believe it.

So sometimes Phil helps me with the most dangerous stunt of all, love.

And he's every bit as good at that as he is at setting up my stunts.

[yells]

[yells]

[yells]

[gasps] Oh, no!

Women want to know they're needed, all right?

So leave a few socks on the floor for them to pick up,

and man, they will be in heaven.

[Dick] Ha. You're a womanly genius, Phil.

It's like taking candy from a baby. A roomful of very ignorant babies.

Wow, Phil. You sure know women.

Well, I have been married six times.

[laughs] Oh, Phil. As long as you're around,

I'll never take romantic advice from anyone else.

[phone beeping]

[phone ringing]

Hey, Mr. Fleem. I need to replace Phil Mygrave.

Again? Two more times and he gets a free sandwich.

Don't forget my frequent replacee card. Yeah, baby.

Look who showed up in Phil's place at the poker game.

-Gordo Glideright! -Howdy, future stunt fans.

-Way to go, Riley. -I didn't think I'd get this guy.

Dad, Gordo's your biggest stunt rival.

Hah! Not rivals, honey. We're stunt colleagues.

Stunt brothers. Partners in stunt.

Right.

So, I moseyed over to help my stunt amigo in the romance department. [laughs]

Puh-lease. What do you know about love?

I wrote the book, literally!

"Why Women Love Me and Not You?"

Well, maybe Gordo can convince you he knows what he's doing,

but can he convince the one person who matters most?

And that would be...?

Oh, for Pete's sake. Mom!

Yes, dear?

And now, from your husband, with love.

[dinging]

♪ What can I say about K ♪

♪ She makes me happy every day ♪

[boy] Hey, I had to pay for this! What are you doing?

[Agent K] Nice try, Petrov, but I see through your singing telegram disguise.

[cloth tearing]

Oh, dear.

[yells]

Dick, even though you know I don't like strangers

within the perimeter, that was a very sweet idea.

And good exercise. Thank you.

Oh, he's good, huh, Riley?

It's going to take a lot more than singing telegrams

to solve this romantic disaster.

Oh, my goodness, Riley.

You sure do know a heck of a lot about romance.

Well, it helps that I have Johnny. He's my rock.

I could use the help of a gifted gal like you.

-Really? OK. -Oh, he is very good.

OK now, partner. Lesson one.

You got to listen to women.

Yeah! That is so what I was just telling Todd when he so rudely--

Yeah, yeah, Riley. Let Gordo finish.

So... we're going to do a little role playing.

I'll be K.

[falsetto] Oh, Dickie, darling. I need you to clean the gutters,

pick up the kids, and put away your stunt blueprints.

Did you get that?

[crickets chirping]

Dick? Did... did you hear me, Dick?

Oh, sorry, K. I can't get past your new mustache. Won't it tickle?

[laughs]

OK. Lesson dos.

Women want men to share their feelings.

So, I want you to close your peepers and pretend K is here right now.

Talk to her, Dick. Talk to her.

Uh, hello, K. How's it going?

Well, you're awfully quiet today.

What is it? It's me, isn't it?

I look terrible in this jumpsuit.

You said it flattered my figure, but it doesn't, does it?

Tell me I'm wrong.

See? You can't, can you? K?

Ka-a-ay!

Oh, smile. Oh, good one. Good. Oh... Yep.

There you are. I found Dad in the backyard rambling on about...

Why are you taking pictures of my dad's garage?

Uh, just scrapbooking for K. [laughs]

Lesson number three. Women eat it up when you focus on them and not the guys.

Got it. OK, we done here? The poker game starts in five minutes.

Tell you what, you go practice your come-hither looks for a sec

while I have a word with the little lady.

-Hm-hmm. -Fresh!

We have us a Texas-size problem here.

You can put boots on a pig, but you can't make him two-step.

[pig squealing]

Tell me about it.

-Excuse me? -Dick is what he is.

Can't change him, and his skills are sorely limited.

Hey! Here's a totally spontaneous thought.

What if Dick did a stunt to impress K?

That sounds like advice Uncle Phil would give.

I mean, it ain't flowers and candy, but if it comes from his heart--

-Sold! -Now...

I wonder where he stows his stunt plans.

-In here, I suppose. -Hey, have you lost it?

You can't give away Dad's secret files because of some silly love test.

You're so... Jacobo?

You're blinded by your obsessive pursuit of an unobtainable romantic ideal.

-[Todd] Thanks. -I'll show myself out.

Blinded? I am not blinded by...

[grunts]

Hey, hey! Keep out. That's mine.

-Dad, where are your files? -In the chimney, of course.

But that makes no sense. Why aren't they in here?

Because my sandwich would get all dirty if I kept it in the chimney.

All right, I guess we're back to putting boots on a pig.

-I'm on it! -[pig squealing]

Hm-hm. Hah!

OK. Time to saddle up and ride, compadre.

-You ready? -Yes!

-And who do you love? -K!

-And who's the man? -K!

[yelling]

-[crashing] -Ow!

[grunts]

Dick, oh! I'm so sorry, but I... I told you never to rush up behind me.

Nice job, Riley. Your work here is done.

How beautiful!

Dick, you didn't have to do all this.

Thank you, dear.

I heard what you said, and I'm listening, too.

And my response is... you're welcome.

Oh. All right. [chuckles]

Eh?

Did you notice I'm not spending time with the boys right now?

In fact, go away, Todd.

Mm-hmm. Well, that's, uh, nice, I suppose.

Huh, huh?

Oh, no! Darn it! I worked so hard on this!

I feel devastated and heartbroken,

and I'm about to cry like a five-year-old girl. [crying]

But, hey, at least I'm sharing my feelings.

And now I don't have to read this weepy poem I wrote.

[Riley] And he's kissable, not dissable!

Tonight has been perfect. Too perfect!

[laughs] Nice try, Glideright,

but you can't fool a woman learned in the lexicon of lies.

You weren't here to help my husband.

Hey, ow!

You were up on that roof looking for his stunt secrets!

Ow!

OK, y'all got me. I'll admit it.

At first, I was looking for stunt secrets, but the truth is,

there's only one Daring that's captured my heart.

Oh, isn't it as plain as the hat on my head?

The roses, the scrapbook, the dinner. I love you, K!

[all gasp]

Is that true?

OK, fine.

Fleemco asked me to give Dick romantic advice,

and I jumped like a jackrabbit at the chance.

I just wanted the stunt secrets.

Thanks to you, kid, I almost got 'em.

[sighs] I can't believe I almost cost Dad his stunt secrets.

I can.

I just thought he needed help being romantic.

Riley, when I married your father,

I knew he was a bumbling... a bumbling sweetheart.

Wow, so real love means caring for someone despite all their faults.

And in Dad's case, the means there's a lot to love.

[all laughing]

Mm.

[laughs]

Ew!

[pig snorting]

[Agent K] You thought I was afraid to get my hands dirty

with the likes of you?

Well, think again.

After weeks of plotting and planning,

I finally outwitted every last dust particle

that dared to enter the home of K Daring.

Now for a brief moment of rest.

[gasps]

[sobs]

Mom, I just want to say...

I'm starved! What's for dinner?

[sighs] Follow me.

Can I trust you for this one simple mission?

Watch this pot while I attend to the wash.

-Yeah! -Of course!

Roast beef for me.

[explosion]

They said a watched pot wouldn't boil.

Everything I know is wrong.

[groans] I'll... be... in my study.

What study?

OK, I know this may be totally out there,

but does anyone else think Mom might need a break?

[Agent K screams]

What gives you that idea?

[Agent K screams]

Seriously.

[phone ringing]

[Mr. Fleem] Hello, Fleemco.

Hey, Mr. Fleem. When you replace people, you send them someplace nice, right?

Like Paris or Hawaii, or...

Dustin Dreamlake's beach house?

-Of course. -Well, my mom needs a break.

And we were thinking, if we replace her, she could go on a vacation, right?

Well, sure, Riley. I guess we could do that.

[beep] Oh, wait. I have another call.

And while you're at it, can we make the replacement a housekeeper

who will clean my room, do my homework...

Oh! And serve me breakfast in bed?

Todd! It's not about us. Mom's overworked, and we're helping her!

Fleemco helps those who help themselves, Riley.

[scoffs] I can't believe you! This is our mother!

Mom is more than just your maid, you know.

Of course she is. She also cooks.

Conrad, make sure this lady's got the chops in the kitchen, too.

[grunting]

[crashing]

Conrad, save yourself!

[Agent K] Out! Out, darned spot.

Mom! We have a surprise for you!

It's a vacation! We're sending you

to exclusive Island X, Spy Spa and Sanctuary in the middle of... hmm.

Apparently, that's classified.

They have whirlpools, massages, and... something else classified.

"This brochure will self-destruct

five seconds after you finish reading this sentence.

which, in case you're wondering, ended approximately four seconds ago."

-[explosion] -[Dick yells]

Riley, Todd, I'm touched.

But I can't just leave. I'm needed here, dear.

-But, Mom, you have to go. -Ohh!

See? Now you've upset your father.

No, I mean the Fleemco guys are already outside.

You have to go.

I don't know.

Please, Mom. It's all set up.

Oh... very well. If it makes you happy.

[car horn plays Dixie]

[Southern accent] Hi, y'all Daring's.

I'm Trixie. Your new home helper.

I just brought some things that might make y'all feel

more at home with little ol' me.

Sweet! It's Monkey Cop: Gorilla Warfare.

[gasps] Cool! The celebrity makeover issue of Teen Swoon!

With tons of humiliating "before" pictures!

And, I hear this dashing fellow has a love of unburned food.

Oh! Goodness me, so do I. Guilty! [laughs]

Welcome to our home, Trixie!

-[Dick] Hallelujah! -[all chattering at once]

[door shuts]

Funny. You don't look as if you're vacationing.

[mail slot opens]

[Agent K] Oh, I ditched those Fleemco suits.

[dance music on headphones]

Hey!

[grunts]

What's all this with the limo and the switching and the...

Ooh, look at my pretty hair!

[laughs] Wild!

I'll ring your mother. Ta-ta!

[Agent K] You think I'm going to let some interloper take over my family?

This Trixie could be a trained assassin. A heinous Mata Hari!

Won't you disappoint your family if you return?

Oh, they won't even know I'm here.

Hey, Mrs. Daring.

Somehow, I know I deserve this!

[Trixie] ♪ I'm born on a mountain ♪

♪ Daddy didn't have a job ♪

-[humming] -[vacuum starts]

Suspect vacuuming far too thoroughly for normal housekeeper.

She must be searching for something.

[groans]

[laughs] You're good at this, boy.

Not a single piece of microfilm on her.

[exhales] Puzzling.

[brays]

That was fantasti-licious!

My heart misses Mom, but my stomach sure doesn't.

Yeah. I've never had lasagna without the bones.

[exhales]

I'll take my desserts in my room.

Todd, we made this mess. We have to clean it up.

Oh, don't be silly. I love to clean.

Now, y'all go relax.

What did we ever do without her?

[all] You're the greatest ever, Trixie!

[Agent K] This is worse than I imagined.

She's not some mystery assassin. She's a homemaker.

-I've been replaced. -How ironic.

And yet, not at all unexpected.

-But aren't you supposed to be hiding? -Oh, I am.

-Hey, Dad. -Hey, Dad.

-Hey, handsome. -That is disturbing on so many levels.

[Trixie singing]

Todd, it's your job to mow the lawn.

Fleemco sent Trixie to help, not cater to your every whim.

Every whim? Please. What kinda jerk do you take me for?

You are totally taking advantage of her.

Even more than we were taking advantage of Mom.

Uh, well, yeah, she's a stranger.

[scoffs] I love Mom.

You two! We need to talk.

Not now, C.A.R., I'm delivering a vital life lesson to Todd.

[both grunting]

[tires squealing]

[C.A.R.] You two have done something wrong.

And I think you know what it is.

You mean, when Tasumi fell asleep and I covered her in refrigerator magnets?

-No. -You mean, when I used Dad's toothbrush

to clean our mule's ears?

For goodness sake, no!

I'll just tell you. You've broken your mother's heart.

She thinks you've replaced her.

-Why would she think that? -Because you replaced her.

No. We sent her on vacation. To get a rest.

Just for the record...

[gasp] Oh, my gosh!

-How long has she been watching us? -All week.

-[video screen beeps] -To Trixie!

-[Riley] I feel awful. -[Todd] You should.

All I ever wanted was a personal servant.

But you sent your own mother away.

-Mm. -Todd!

OK. The point is, we can fix this.

We just have to tell Mom that we really need her.

I have a better idea.

We'll show her.

[upbeat country fiddle music]

OK, Todd, here's your tomato juice, grape juice,

and glass of black ink.

Set 'em up with the others.

For my next trick, I'm gonna pull this tablecloth out

without spilling a drop.

Ready? Go!

-Two out of three? -It's OK. Just a little ol' mess.

[laughs]

[sighs]

[air hissing]

Oops, did I just put Mom's red telephone booth disguise in

with a load of whites? Uh-oh.

[groans] It's OK. Just a little ol' accident.

[panting] It's OK. It's just...

No, it is not OK! Get on out of here!

[brays]

Things are gonna change, y'all!

They sure are.

-For the worse! -Yup.

-Bombs away! -Fire!

[Trixie screams]

Uh, Trixie? You missed a spot.

[gasp]

Y'all are monsters. This family needs some kind of... superwoman!

We need Mom!

You won't believe what just happened to me,

with the facials, and the seaweed, and the...

Oh, don't interrogate me, massage lady!

[grunts]

[grunts]

I have returned... [clears throat] just now.

And what is going on here?

-Welcome home, Mom! -We really need you!

Never, never, never leave me again!

[brays]

Wow! What a welcome.

But surely you had a good time with Trixie.

[groans] Y'all are crazier than white pants after Labor Day.

I need a vacation.

You! Girl. Handle my bags.

Wait! Wait for me!

I've got a 3:00 seaweed scrub! Ohh!

Look at us. Who knew we needed you so much, Mom?

Thank you, kids. Really.

But I know you sabotaged Trixie on purpose.

And it's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me!

-Aw, really? -We sabotage because we love.

[chuckling] Oh, I love you, too.

Now, let's get to work cleaning up this mess.

-[Todd] Man! -[Riley] Aw, really?

[Dick] What are you lookin' at me for?

[announcer] The Fleemco company presents: Dick Daring on perseverance.

Perseverance means you keep trying and you stick to it.

Not everything you try is gonna work out the very first time.

Look out below!

Or the second.

Look out be-snow!

Or a third.

Look out, Cleo!

[grunts]

Look out, below!

OK, I get it. I fall a lot.

But I never give up. That's perseverance.

[announcer] This has been Dick Daring on perseverance.

[Dick] I also have a great health plan.