Original subtitles

[theme song plays]

♪ Todd and Riley were, oh, so sad ♪

♪ Then they came 'cross a Fleemco ad ♪

♪ They sent away a $1.98 ♪

♪ Got a superspy mom ♪

♪ And a daredevil dude of a dad ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ The replacements ♪

♪ Now anytime they come across adults ♪

♪ Who are sly and deny and deprive them ♪

♪ And make things bad ♪

[phone ringing]

[Mr. Fleem] Hello, Fleemco.

Sir, we need a replacement.

And fast.

♪ And anytime they wanna make a change ♪

♪ Modify and rearrange ♪

♪ Though it might get kinda strange ♪

♪ Make 'em better, nice And strong and fast ♪

♪ And smart and cool and maybe even lame ♪

♪ Call in the replacements ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ Get the replacements ♪

♪ Just get the replacements ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ Get the replacements ♪

Ladies and gentlemen!

Riley and her amazing dancing mule!

[whistles]

[brays]

[music plays]

No, no, it's heel-toe step-toe, not toe-toe heel-toe.

[groans] Who knew a mule could be so stubborn?

[singing]

[gasps] That voice! It's heavenly.

There's an angel in our bathroom!

Maybe we can catch him and sell him to a zoo!

[all yelling]

Todd's the angel? We can't sell him. Can we?

Todd, dear, those were your dulcet tones?

Don't judge me.

No, Todd, we're saying you have an excellent voice.

Really? Cool! I've always liked to sing, but--

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great. Now let's get back to my show.

The big girl and mule talent show is next week,

and this is one talent contest I actually have a chance to win!

Son, you know, you sing like a pro! You should be on a stage.

Nah, that's too nerdy.

Nerdy? The point is, you have a gift.

And you should share it with the world.

OK, OK, I will! The first opportunity I get.

Golly, then what about boys choir at school?

Ow! [groans]

Why, that's a perfect idea!

I can't do that! It's for losers! Geeks! Riley's!

Todd, let me get this straight.

You won't do something you love just because it isn't cool?

Mom, I know you can be very persuasive. But you can't make me...

♪ Sing ♪

♪ Sing ♪

Happy, Mom? Over.

You'll thank me for this later, dear. Over!

Very nice, boys.

You sing like angels!

Which is why I'm going to dress you like them.

I am not wearing a dress!

They're not dresses, they're gowns. Now what's your dress size?

I'm a size four.

I'd like to see the day you get me in that outfit.

Well, you're in luck. Tomorrow's the day.

You'll be singing in the school assembly.

Yeah, I don't think so.

I have this thing about getting my butt kicked,

and that thing is, I don't like it. I quit.

[Agent K] Not so fast, young man.

Your father and I have already bought tickets.

[groans]

All right, choir dorks, I gotta be somewhere,

so let's get this bullying started.

Choir dorks? Where? I wanna pound some song nerds.

Uh, nice try, Singy McSing-a-long.

As Shelton would say, "hoy-gle!"

[all laughing]

If you think it's bad now wait till after we perform tomorrow. [groans]

Wah-wah-wah.

Hey, son. How was choir practice?

I told you boy singing groups are nerdy.

Nerdy? Were The Beatles nerdy?

Were The Rolling Stones geeky?

Were Dorky Boys a bunch of dorks?

Right, well, that last one is debatable, but--

Hang on a sec. Dad, you just gave me a great idea.

[phone beeping]

Can you replace my choir director with someone who can make us cool

before the school assembly?

[Mr. Fleem] An uncool choir director.

I wonder what he would say to joining my barbershop quartet.

And having his salary tripled.

♪ We harmonize ♪

♪ We're the Fleemco guys ♪

♪ I'm a Fleemco guy ♪

I put the dreamy in Dustin Dreamlake, the swoon in Heath Makerswoon.

So, don't tell me what to do.

Yeah, I gotta call you back, Ma.

[Todd] If we don't want another bullying session,

we have to practice in private. Complete seclusion.

The last place anyone will ever look.

In that case, I'm MC McC, and I make stars. I make legends.

And maybe later I'll make a cheese sandwich.

Hey. Yo, somebody make me a cheese sandwich.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but can you make us cool in time for our school concert?

Cool? You'll be beyond cool.

You will be...

BoyzRoq!

Mmm. Delish.

[groans]

[girls cheering]

Hey, what's all the excitement?

I don't know, but strangely, I feel the urge to scream!

George Stapler Middle School, I give you your new boys choir.

They're bad, they're bold, they're BoyzRoq!

Meet Todd, the cute one.

[girls cheering]

[MC McC] Meet Silent Joe, the sensitive one.

Ohh!

And his brother, Zephramaiah,

the not-as-sensitive but-equally-as-desirable sporty one!

[girls screaming]

[MC McC] And hide your daughters, 'cause here comes Shelton,

the street-smart bad boy.

Check it out. Oh... [grunts]

He's so tough. Look how he attacked the floor!

[girls screaming]

Muwa!

Riley! Your brother is so instantly famous and cool!

Yeah, I guess. But I'm the one with real talent!

[whistles]

[music playing]

What's cooler than that?

Can't answer. Must scream! [screams]

Heather Hartley only eats white jelly beans!

I don't pay you to ask why!

This is awesome, MC McC.

So, should we sing a little now, or save it all for the assembly?

Sing? Hah! There's no time to sing.

Gotta run straight to your book signing.

[girls screaming]

Hey, Todd! This is Dodo. [grunts]

She likes me and she grooms me and she's a girl.

Grooming is my thing.

BoyzRoq: The Untold Story of Why We Rock.

We've only been in a band for three hours. What could be in this?

What I had for breakfast?

It's about time my story came out.

[growls]

Fine. It's time our story came out.

Dustin needs his tap water at body temperature,

not room temperature.

So, can we sing a little now?

So many questions, so little time. Move, move, move!

[pop music playing]

-[cheering] -Yeah! Yeah!

Uh, when did we shoot a video?

Yo, Ding. That's another boy band with your heads stuck on.

Can't... [screams] Stop... [screams]

Screaming! [screams]

Whatever. I'm just psyched I'm finally gonna be able to sing in public

and not feel like a dork.

Didn't I tell you? You'll be lip-synching.

What? But I want to sing!

Nah. You wanted to be cooler, dog. Now you're cool.

Besides, there's no room for singing in boy bands.

That's totally stupid.

Look, I'm going out there to sing, and you can't stop me.

I don't need to stop you.

The Boy Band 3,000's gonna do it for me.

[pop music playing]

[grunting]

Try singing over that!

Maybe I can't alone.

But never underestimate the power of a united boys choir.

Yeah, well, it's a lot scarier than it sounds.

Riley, I need to find Shelton and the twins, and fast!

Yeah, yeah, sure. But first, why don't you check out my moves

with Prince Cinnamon Boots!

[whistles]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Perfect for your opening act, right?

I figure, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Riley, I don't have time for this!

Oh, it's cool. We'll talk later, OK.

Save it, save it!

Shelton, MC McC isn't gonna let us sing,

and I realize now that I really want to, and I...

[whispering]

Yeah. Dodo says you're being controlling

with the questions and "Oh, the singing, it's all about me."

What? I am not.

Wow, that's what she said you'd say.

[grunts] Whatever.

Where are Zephramaiah and Silent Joe?

-I wanted to be the sensitive one! -No, I'm the sensitive one!

[arguing]

Come on, you guys. This is serious!

I'd like to thank everyone who paid $20 for your official locks of BoyzRoq hair.

And now, straight off their meteoric one-day rise to fame,

George Stapler's very own BoyzRoq!

[cheering]

-No, this isn't what I wanted! -Less talky, more dancy!

[music begins]

♪ Here you are, so fly ♪

♪ With you, I'm flying high ♪

♪ I'm soaring through the sky When I look you into your eyes ♪

♪ Here you are, so fly ♪

♪ I'm such a lucky guy ♪

♪ Let's give this thing a try ♪

♪ Girl, you've got to know you're so fly ♪

[whistles]

[off-key] ♪ Broken is my heart, girl ♪

Lip-synching?

Now I want to scream with rage!

Finally! My violence is justified!

Put that down, that is expensive! Wood does not grow on trees, you know?

Oh, group hug!

They came to hear singing, they're gonna get singing.

♪ Ahh ♪

♪ Ahh ♪

It's so geeky.

Can't... [yawns] Stop... [yawns]

Yawning.

Losing... desire... to smash.

Must... mock... losers...

Wow, music doth soothe the savage beast.

Huh, more like bored us.

The ticket refunds are going to bankrupt me

I'd pull out all my hair if I hadn't sold it all.

Well, Mom. I hope you've learned your lesson.

Forcing me to be uncool results in disaster.

Is that really all you learned, Todd?

Isn't the moral that it's cool to be uncool

when you're doing what you love?

Whoa, that's unexpectedly profound, coming from you.

Yeah? Heh. You don't think the ladies hang with MC McC

because I'm rich and work in the music business, do ya?

I'm deep, baby. Very deep.

Maybe I'll give regular old boys choir one more try.

Cool, or not?

Not.

Come on, Prince Cinnamon Boots.

This is our big chance!

[music plays]

Hey, hey!

Welcome back to the Goober and T-Bone Show!

[honks horn]

Where sometime today, we'll be giving away

two tickets to the Pleasant Hills Peacocks game!

[men grunting]

[peacock cries]

Where superstar quarterback Carson Palmer

is set to throw his record-setting 37th touchdown of the season!

[laughs]

Hey, Goober's doing the touchdown dance! Whoo-hoo!

[fans cheering]

Just be the first to call in with a phrase that pays

after the party peacock makes this sound!

[peacock crowing]

We'll be right back after this message from Fleembright toothpaste!

Don't get your hopes up, Todd.

Everyone wants to see Carson Palmer's 37th touchdown.

You'll never win those tickets.

Says you. I got a system. Check it out.

By my calculations, 87% of Snap FM ticket giveaways

happen during the 10:00 hour.

Right after Goober rips on T-Bone's bad hygiene.

That, Riley, is my window.

[Goober] All right, and number one on the charts this week

is Dustin Dreamlake's newest hit, "Bathing In Your Love."

Hey, T-Bone. I think that song was written just for you.

[T-Bone] Because I need to fall in love?

[Goober] Hah. No. Because you need a bath. Ho!

[T-Bone] Wa-hoo! I have been zinged!

[peacock crowing]

If only you used your powers for good.

[Goober] OK, let's take our first caller.

Gimme the phrase that pays!

Goober and T-Bone are the rude dudes with the crude 'tudes!

[Goober] Congratulations! You've just won two tickets

to see superstar quarterback Carson Palmer.

-Whoo-hoo! -So, who are you gonna take with you?

Pick me and I won't smash you!

Pick me, bench buddy!

How about taking your old man?

I got snack money.

[crowd cheering]

This is so awesome, Todd! You are the best, best friend ever.

Thanks for all the snacks, buddy.

Share and share alike, I say.

Exactly. Hey, check it out. There's Carson Palmer!

[both] Carson! Look at us, Carson!

Look at us!

Hi there, boys!

What are you doing? Don't look at us.

Yeah, get your head in the game, dude!

[cheering]

[Jacobo indistinct] All they need is a touchdown to win!

Go, Peacocks!

Blue 32! Blue 32! Hut, hut, hut!

[whistles]

He did it! He broke the record!

[crowd cheering]

[smack]

Man, that smarts.

Thanks for holding onto my ball, Jacobo.

Your ball? [laughs]

It bounced off your head and landed in the nachos I bought us.

Check the replay.

[crowd groaning]

All I'm saying is those nachos were both of ours

and the ball touched me first.

-Ergo, the ball is mine. -Then why is it in my hand?

[gasps] Wow! It's superstar quarterback Carson Palmer!

Hi, I'm superstar quarterback Carson Palmer!

You know, kids, my 37th touchdown was a big moment in my career.

So that football means a lot to me.

Could you find it in your heart to let me have it?

Do we have to?

-Well, no. You don't have to, but-- -Then adios, amigo!

[sighs]

What's wrong, son?

Jacobo is being a stubborn jerk.

He refuses to admit that I'm 100% right

and that the football we caught belongs to me and me alone.

Oh, boy, that's tough.

I don't know what I'd do if I ever got into a fight with my best friend, C.A.R.

Let me be perfectly clear with you.

We are not friends. We will never be friends.

You disgust me. I honestly and sincerely despise you.

Ohh... oh!

[laughs]

What a kidder!

[sighs]

Good old TV. You'd never betray me.

Hey, hey, hey! Welcome back to the Sportsies Awards Show.

T-Bone and I sure are glad to be here.

I just came for the free buffet.

[all laughing]

But seriously, folks, this year's award for best sports moment goes to...

Jacobo!

[gasps]

Here's your trophy and a year's supply of corn dogs!

Oh! Oh, I love corn dogs.

Thank you, thank you.

I just want to thank one person for helping me win this award.

Without him, I never would have even had a chance

to catch this historic football.

My best friend...

Peacocks receiver JM Howard!

[sputtering]

What is this?

[kids] Hey, no fair, no cuts!

Sorry. If you want to get into the Jacobo Sports Museum,

you gotta pay $5.00 like everyone else.

What? I am not paying $5.00 to see my ball.

Moose, it's cool. He's with me.

No fair! You stink! Boo!

I realized it wasn't fair to keep the world from seeing my football.

So I decided to open this museum.

And if I happen to turn enough of a profit

to outfit my room with a waterslide, so be it.

Oh! Here's my favorite exhibit.

An historically accurate hologram recreation of my famous catch.

[gasps]

Look at that pathetic geek! [laughs]

All right, that's it, Jacobo.

I took you to the game.

The ball hit me first.

It landed in our nachos.

I have just as much right to it as you do.

And if you can't accept that, well,

I'm just going to have to take my ball and go home!

Yes, nice try.

Moose, please escort my ex-best friend to the door.

[grunting]

[cackling]

Todd, I know you're mad at Jacobo right now,

but please tell me you're not plotting some ridiculous scheme to get back at him?

Huh? Of course not, Riley.

I'm simply going to replace Jacobo's security guard with a mime,

so I can steal back the ball that's rightfully mine,

take it to international waters, where there are no ownership laws,

sell it to pirates, then use the money to build a large phaser-tag theme park

which I'll let everyone but Jacobo use!

[sighs] Why do I even ask?

[phone beeping]

[phone ringing]

-[Mr. Fleemco] Hello, Fleemco. -I want to give my friend a gift.

A silent alarm system.

You really want to publish my poetry?

Finally! The world will see the delicate flower that is Moose.

[no audio]

[toy squeaks]

[chuckles] Stupid mime.

Hey, Moose. Just wanted to say goodnight to my football.

Hey! You're not Moose!

What's going on here?

Yeah, I can see you.

Todd did it.

[Todd laughing]

[Jacobo] Not so fast!

-How did you find me here? -At the river?

Huh! As soon as I saw the football gone,

I knew you'd try to take it to international waters,

sell it to pirates and use the money to build a huge phaser-tag theme park,

which you'd let everyone except me use.

[all laughing]

Poor, predictable Todd.

-Stay back! -[thunder rumbles]

You don't know what I'm capable of right now.

The jig is up, Todd.

Just put the ball down, and we'll pretend this whole thing never happened.

No way, man! I'll drop this ball!

If I can't have it, nobody can!

-You're bluffing! -Try me!

[both grunting]

Whoa!

[grunts]

Huh?

[both grunting]

Uhh...

[both] No!

What have we done?

[Carson] You let that ball get in the way of your friendship.

Hi! I'm superstar quarterback Carson Palmer.

[both] We know.

What are you doing out here?

I, uh, pick up trash by the highway on my days off.

Pretty cool, huh?

Boys, your situation's a lot like the time

I threw six touchdowns to win my first league championship.

How is it like that?

Well, OK. I guess it's not like that at all.

But even so, I hope you learned a valuable lesson from all of this.

No silly ball is worth more than your friendship.

He's right, Todd.

We spent all this time fighting over that ball,

and now neither of us has it.

Sorry I got so jealous.

And I'm sorry I was so stubborn.

-Friends? -Friends.

This catfish I caught done coughed up this here football.

It belong to any of you fellas?

-Uh... -Uh...

Yoink! Woo-hoo! [laughs]

So long, suckers!

Did Carson Palmer just steal our football?

Yeah. He did.

-Wanna go TP his house? -Sure!

[Carson] I heard that!

[both] Aww.

[pop music plays]

[announcer] The Fleemco Company presents:

superstar quarterback Carson Palmer on humility.

Humility means being modest about your accomplishments.

Like in this episode...

I didn't insist they mention

that I was the number one draft pick, or that I won the Heisman.

No, sir, you won't hear that kind of boasting from me,

superstar quarterback Carson Palmer.

[announcer] This has been superstar quarterback Carson Palmer on humility.

[Carson] Good one, Carson.

[chuckles] Good one.