Original subtitles

[theme song plays]

♪ Todd and Riley were, oh, so sad ♪

♪ Then they came 'cross a Fleemco ad ♪

♪ They sent away a $1.98 ♪

♪ Got a superspy mom ♪

♪ And a daredevil dude of a dad ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ The replacements ♪

♪ Now anytime they come across adults ♪

♪ Who are sly and deny and deprive them ♪

♪ And make things bad ♪

[phone ringing]

[Mr. Fleem] Hello, Fleemco.

Sir, we need a replacement.

And fast.

♪ And anytime they wanna make a change ♪

♪ Modify and rearrange ♪

♪ Though it might get kinda strange ♪

♪ Make 'em better, nice And strong and fast ♪

♪ And smart and cool and maybe even lame ♪

♪ Call in the replacements ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ Get the replacements ♪

♪ Just get the replacements ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ Get the replacements ♪

[fighting grunts]

Wha...

[fighting grunts]

You should've seen it, C.A.R.

He was like, "wah!" And they were like, "whoo!"

And the evil giant squid was like... [groaning]

[C.A.R.] Wake me when you're fending off 20 ninjas

while driving through downtown Osaka in rush hour.

Then we'll talk.

I wonder if your father and Riley enjoyed their movie, too?

-[unicorn whinnies] -[harp plays]

♪ And I'll keep on jumpin' rainbows ♪

♪ Until the sun don't shine ♪

♪ I'll keep on jumpin' rainbows ♪

♪ All the time ♪

Oh, uh... hello, everyone.

Oh, just recall me now.

[fighting grunts]

Furious Feats of Foot Fury is like the coolest movie ever,

and now I know all its moves.

Waa... hi-ya!

If it isn't the First Bank of Wimpsdale.

I think I'll make a withdrawal.

[both groan]

[fighting grunts]

Uh... maybe I don't know all the moves...

[grunts] Yet.

-Ready? -I guess.

[fighting grunts]

Mom, can you teach me martial arts?

I want to give Donny Rottweiler a lesson in foot fury.

One, martial arts is not about fighting.

And, two, violence is not the best way to solve your problems.

Well, it's the best way to solve my problems, but I'm highly trained.

So who trained you?

The greatest martial arts master to ever walk the earth, Master Pho.

But Master Pho is far too advanced for you,

plus, he's probably a little preoccupied.

Come on, Mom. Please!

All right. We'll sign you up for classes at the community center.

Sweet! You're the best, Mom!

All right, Dry Master 5000,

you have got to the count of three to hand over that sock!

[Todd] I can't wait to meet my butt-kicking karate master!

I'm here to teach you karate.

-You may call me Master Craig. -"Master Craig"?!

Now, the first lesson of karate

is that it should be used for defense and never offense.

Is lesson two how to break stuff?

Yes! I am going to break you of the notion that karate

is just about fighting.

It is a way of life that involves discipline and patience.

Are you ready to learn patience?

Yeah, yeah, yeah! But can we hurry up?

Todd, karate takes years to master.

For example, someday you will finally be able

to take the pebble from my ha--

-Next! -I wasn't ready.

Gi... gimme that... Hey, wait!

Come on! I only have one of those!

You see, Todd, this cocoon is like you learning karate.

It is a slow process, but even the tiniest creature,

with patience, can break the tightest bonds.

Let's watch.

[stopwatch ticking]

-I don't think it's gonna move. -Patience, Todd.

Keep watching that cocoon,

and in four to six weeks, you'll be ready to begin.

Maybe he's right, and I should wait for...

[traffic noise]

Aw, who am I kidding?

[phone beeping]

[phone ringing]

[Mr. Fleem] Hello, Fleemco.

My karate teacher won't teach me to fight!

I need the greatest martial arts teacher

to ever walk the face of the earth like my mom had.

[Mr. Fleem] Oh. Well, I'll see what I can do.

Master Craig, you are greatly needed at the emperor's palace.

Duty calls!

Hello? Master Craig?

[gong sounds]

I am Master Pho.

You have come to learn the ways of Pho Fu, huh?

Heck, yeah. My mother told me you were the best in the world.

You taught her everything she knows.

Mother? Huh! I have not taught a woman since...

Wait! You are the son of Agent K?

Yeah, but you don't have to tell her you're teaching me, do you?

Oh, no, of course not.

You and I shall give her the greatest surprise of her life.

Wha! [grunts]

First lesson, Pho Fu is about fighting

and should be used for offense whenever possible.

Cool!

Second lesson, when you fail, I will treat you like a bad dog.

[yelps]

Bad Doggy! [laughing]

Whee! Let's go! Faster, faster!

[laughing]

[straining]

[yelling]

And now, young cricket, I will teach you my greatest move.

[fighting grunt]

Yah-ha!

[loud snap]

You didn't even hit me!

Sweet!

[both yelling]

I never thought it would end like this... and with you.

I've wasted my life!

Not so fast, Rottweiler!

What? No one in their PJs gives me the "let's do this" hand sign.

[yells]

[grunts]

[fighting grunts]

[belt snaps]

Ha! You missed, Toad! Game over!

Is it?

[students laughter]

-Ooh, those boxers are so cute! -I want a pair!

My hidden shame! [crying]

[all cheering]

Yes, I will accept a collect call.

Hello, Principal Cutler. He did what?!

[hangs up]

Whoa!

Young man, exactly what do you think you're doing?

Going to wash my hands. Dispensing foot fury is a dirty job.

What is Master Craig teaching you?

-You can't just beat people up. -But you do.

-Yeah, he's got you there, honey. -Tell me about it.

That's it.

Your father and I are going down to that community center

-to find out what is going on. -Uh, I can't make it.

I've got a... an... uh, explosion to go to.

But, Dad, we're going to the Rainbow Jumper convention, remember?

Our tickets just came today. We got great seats!

Yep, just gonna drop Riley here off at the convention,

and then go explode something.

[whispering] How close to the stage?

Hello, Master Pho?

I hope you don't mind, but my mom tagged along today.

-Whoa! -I have waited for this opportunity.

Now I will have ultimate revenge on my greatest enemy!

I'm your greatest enemy? I thought we were cool.

Not you! Agent K.

Master Pho! We meet again.

Prepare to defend yourself. Yah!

Whoa! Time-out! What is going on here?

-Care to explain, Pho? -I like it when we tell it together.

[Agent K] I came to Master Pho seeking training in the martial arts.

[Master Pho] Oh, she had much to learn, but she was a talented pupil.

A very talented pupil indeed.

[fly buzzing]

[swallowing]

[Agent K] But I had an ulterior motive.

I was deep undercover...

-[punches landing] -[groaning]

[cat yowls]

[Agent K] Working to bring down Pho and his secret, bank-robbing karate gang.

A betrayal most foul, Agent K. But today, I will have my revenge!

And a little later, I will have some beef and noodles

with maybe a peanut sauce. But I digress.

Hi-yah!

[both grunting]

[straining]

-[Master Craig's voice] Todd... Todd! -Master Craig?

[Master Craig's voice] Todd, remember my words.

Even the tiniest creatures, with patience...

[Todd] Can escape the tightest bonds! Yeah!

I am so outta here!

[straining]

Wow! You were right, Master Craig.

Thank you, wherever you are.

Actually, I'm just across the hall here, teaching at Emperor Cho's Yoga Palace.

Well, as long as you're here, a little help, please?

Three against Pho?

Not very good odds...

For you!

[fighting grunts]

[groans] Don't worry about me, Todd.

This is actually quite relaxing.

-Todd, wait! -Hai! Ho! Hey!

Yah!

-[snaps] -Gotcha!

Huh?

Ancient Chinese secret.

You won't risk your son, will you, Agent K?

[laughing]

Ancient middle school secret.

[yells]

We will meet again, Todd Daring.

Great work, Todd, but the martial arts are serious business, young man.

-You could've been hurt. -I'm sorry, Mom.

If you'll let me, I want to go back to Master Craig.

I want to learn about all of it, not just fighting.

I'll be with you in a sec. I think I'm achieving inner peace.

No, wait. I'm just blacking out.

-What happened? -What can I say?

The all-day Rainbow Jumper convention is what separates the men from the girls.

Not everyone has what it takes.

♪ And I'll keep on jumping rainbows ♪

♪ Until the sun don't shine, yeah ♪

♪ I'm gonna keep on jumpin' rainbows ♪

♪ All the time ♪

You know what?

♪ I'm gonna keep on jumpin' rainbows ♪

♪ Until the sun don't shine ♪

♪ I'll keep on jumpin' rainbows All the time ♪

Want some? Want some?

Come and get it!

[screeching]

-[laughing] -[scoffs]

What? They love it.

Yeah, just like I'm sure they love living in that cramped, little cage.

Every time we come, this place is even worse.

The facilities are awful, the cages are totally overcrowded,

and the zookeeper pairs up animals that are natural enemies.

Oh, get off the soapbox, Riley!

The soapbox is not the issue here, Todd.

Why even come to Amalgamated Zoo Corp. Gardens

if you're gonna get all... [yells] every time?

[sighs] I love the animals. I just can't stand the conditions.

I mean, look at the laughing hyenas.

[sobbing]

[screeching]

There's my girl Sasha.

-Riley's here. You're not alone. -[purring]

I know what it's like not to have a family.

I was just like you once. Oh, you really missed me.

I can tell. It's like you're looking right into my heart.

[growls]

Oh, poor thing.

Is that plant even native to your natural environment?

-[roars] -I doubt it. It's plastic.

Mr. Smeck.

I know we've discussed this before,

but I truly feel the animals would be much happier

if they were free to roam in natural environments

with real plants, native grasses, waterfalls, and...

Sounds peachy, sunshine, but if you'll join me here

in a little place I call reality,

I'll explain to you for the 59th time how all of that costs too much money.

We could raise the money. I'll hold a bake sale.

Great! If you can get a million dollars a snickerdoodle, you give me a call.

What? You don't sell snickerdoodles?

Well, then, I'll take my billions elsewhere.

I hope you're happy!

I'm not. This is my lunch, too.

Here you go, kids. Which size cone do you want?

Lion large? Hippo huge? Or whale blubber overload?

[splat]

Mom, I can't let things get any worse.

I have to help poor Sasha and the other animals.

What am I gonna do?

I suppose tranquilizing the zookeeper

and airlifting the beasts to Ingunaguay is out of the question?

No... no. It really is out of the question.

I'll think of something, girl.

[roars]

[gasp] Did you hear that?

Did you hear that? She just said my name!

Roarley!

[whistling]

Fine. I guess I'd better just take care of this myself.

[phone beeping]

[phone ringing]

[Mr. Fleem] Hello, Fleemco.

Sir, I want to replace Zookeeper Hiram Smeck

with someone who will, I don't know... put the animals first.

Mr. Smeck, we're thrilled to have you

run our mall's petting zoo, but why would you...

You had me at food court.

Come on, lady! I've got a nature museum to build here!

No! Never! Nothing could possibly remove me from this tree!

Except this.

Ooh! I'm on my way!

All right! Finally! Huh?

[growls]

Come on! I don't want to miss it!

Let's do this thing!

[crowd cheering]

When I came to Amalgamated Zoo Corp. Gardens,

I vowed to turn it into the world-class preserve every animal deserves.

I dreamt of lion savannahs, flamingo lagoons,

heated water slides, cable TV in every shelter!

[all laughing]

Those are the things I wanted to do.

But Amalgamated Zoo Corp., the company who owns this jail,

refused me one red cent!

[thunder rumbles]

Just like they refused poor Hiram Smeck!

Nice goin', sis. You replaced the wrong guy!

I am sick and tired of nobody carin' about the animals!

How about you?!

-Animals should be free! -You got that right, sister!

Free!

[people screaming]

[elephant trumpeting]

Wait! I didn't mean that free!

[people yelling]

[lion snarling]

Oh, no! This is terrible!

I've gotta find Sasha.

[laughing]

You're in so much trouble!

Hey, guys, I said some things, you said some things.

I flung some insults, you flung some poo. But we're OK, right?

[screeching]

Get your stinkin' paws off me, you darn, dirty apes!

But technically, Todd, they're monkeys.

Don't worry, everybody! I'm on top of this!

[phone beeping]

Hello, Fleemco? Can you replace an animal?

How about 837 of them? Hello?

-[moos] -[yells]

[gasps] Ow!

I mean...

-[squawks] -Charge!

-Hi-ya! -[squawks]

[Dick] Yeah, that's right! [laughs]

-[hissing] -[laughing] It's a beautiful thing!

It's a beautiful thing, baby!

Free! [laughing]

[groans]

[grunts]

Here you go, lady. You're nuts.

[elephant trumpeting]

[squawks]

Hey! No readmission without a hand stamp!

Oops.

[all yelling]

[buzzing]

Sacre bleu! Ze panther, she's gone mad with hunger!

Run for your live-es!

[Riley gasps] Sasha!

Sasha, it's OK. It's me... Roarley!

[whines]

[growling]

Sasha! I thought we were friends, sister soul mates, best friends for life!

OK, pen pals it is.

-[roars] -[yells]

She's a wild animal, not a pet.

Mom, I'm so sorry about all this.

I know you were just trying to help, Riley.

But what am I supposed to do now?

I can't leave the animals out here,

and I sure can't send them back to those awful cages.

[groans] Even that bus sign mocks me.

Wait a second.

[groans] I replaced the wrong guy!

I should have replaced the guy who owns Amalgamated Zoo Corp. Gardens.

I wish he knew how it felt to be that trapped and boxed in.

Hey! Maybe we can show him. Mom, we gotta round up all these animals.

Don't worry, kids, they're more scared of us than we are of them.

[all yelling]

Or not!

[C.A.R.] Tallyho!

[monkeys screeching]

Hey, monkeys, all for me and none for you!

[screeching]

Last one. Ow! Oh, well, maybe... Oh!

Oh, I know. [yells]

I'm not fallin' for that again. [yells]

[woman] You can't go in there!

Mr. Rothswillow!

Hey! What's going on here?!

What? It was a gift.

Mr. Rothswillow, meet your animals.

What?! My animals?!

I don't even have a dog.

But you do own Amalgamated Zoo Corp. Gardens,

-and it's a disgrace. -Say, give that back!

Ohh! Ohh! What...

Hey, back off! Wow, I'm uncomfortably cramped,

not unlike an animal in a substandard cage.

It's not too nice being all boxed in, is it, sir?

OK, OK, I get it!

But from what I see here

Amalgamated Zoo Corp. Gardens is filled to capacity.

There's nowhere to expand, even if I wanted to.

[growling]

Which, of course, I do.

Mr. Rothswillow, I think I know the perfect place.

What are you getting at, son?

-Cat's got your tongue? -Huh?

It's a movie, three words.

[screeching]

-Oh, hey! -That golf course, you dolt!

-Oh, OK! I get it! -Yes!

-[sheep bleating] -[elephant trumpeting]

[all] Aww...

-[roars] -[all scream]

Turning this golf club into an animal sanctuary was a brilliant idea.

[sigh] But your father's suggestion

to leave the golf course open, not such a brilliant idea.

What are you talkin' about?

This is really speedin' up the game! Fore!

[announcer] The Fleemco company presents: Agent K on paranoia.

While it is necessary to always exercise caution

in the world of spying,

you must be careful that is doesn't lead to paranoia.

All right, Dry Master 5000,

you have got to the count of three to hand over that sock!

Wait a minute.

I'm almost certain my watch

was on the other hand when that clip was filmed.

What's going on here?

[gasps] It's a trap! You'll never take me alive!