Original subtitles

[theme song plays]

♪ Todd and Riley were, oh, so sad ♪

♪ Then they came 'cross a Fleemco ad ♪

♪ They sent away a $1.98 ♪

♪ Got a superspy mom ♪

♪ And a daredevil dude of a dad ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ The replacements ♪

♪ Now anytime they come across adults ♪

♪ Who are sly and deny and deprive them ♪

♪ And make things bad ♪

[phone ringing]

[Mr. Fleem] Hello, Fleemco.

Sir, we need a replacement.

And fast.

♪ And anytime they wanna make a change ♪

♪ Modify and rearrange ♪

♪ Though it might get kinda strange ♪

♪ Make 'em better, nice And strong and fast ♪

♪ And smart and cool and maybe even lame ♪

♪ Call in the replacements ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ Get the replacements ♪

♪ Just get the replacements ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ Get the replacements ♪

[birds chirping]

[evil laughter]

What food did the skeleton order at the restaurant?

-Spare ribs. -[evil laughter]

Thank you, thank you, I got a million of 'em.

Unfortunately.

I got to hand it to you, Dad.

These decorations are going to be the best on the block.

[evil cackling]

[yells] Think again, Toad.

Your house wouldn't scare, uh... someone who scares easy.

[laughs] Good one, son!

Our house rules!

It's a celebration, not a contest, Buzz.

Then what's this?

-A golden snot rag? -A... melted canary?

Well, joke all you want, jokey jokesters...

[laughs] Good one, Dad.

But the Golden Ghost trophy is awarded to the side of the street

that puts up the best decorations,

and our side has won it five years in a row. Yeah!

[grunting and humming]

Golden Ghost trophy? What, did you make it yourselves?

-Maybe. -That is so lame! [laughing]

-We must win at all costs. -You know it.

[ghoulish laughter]

OK, girls, 48 hours to all-you-can-eat free candy.

Let's see those Halloween costumes. Tasumi?

Ta-da!

I don't get it. Where's your costume?

I'm wearing it. See? I'm not pink, I'm blue!

I'm going dressed as my big brother Roku. That's him right there.

I thought we agreed to all dress in inspirational costumes for Halloween.

Oh, he's very inspirational.

He once defeated a three-headed hydrakon single-handed.

OK.

Abbey, let's see your costume.

You lost me.

-I'm dressed as Mr. William Catarack. -You still lost me.

I'm the bank teller who cashes my allowance check each week.

What's more inspirational than money?

OK.

You're one to talk. Where's your costume?

Well, I'm having a little trouble.

[Agent K] Perhaps I can be of assistance.

I know a thing or two about disguises.

Will any of these work for you?

Brazilian astronaut, always a popular choice,

Fernando Gomez, henchman for Baron von Baron,

or my old standard, a mail box.

Mm, Mom, thanks for the offer, but I need a costume, not a disguise.

I need to stand out so I can rake in the candy,

the sweet, sweet candy.

I can picture it now,

bars and drops and sprinkles and swirls and...

a virtual cornucopia of--

-Riley, my feet are gonna rust. -Oh, sorry.

Of course, along with getting candy, I want to salute a positive role model,

which is why I've already decided my costume will be...

Mary Anderson.

-[all] Who? -The inventor of the windshield wiper.

[both] Who?

Are you sure you don't want to be a mail box, dear?

[ghoulish laughter]

Dad? You don't have a spare windshield sitting around, do you?

Cracked or uncracked?

-Uncracked. -Sorry, nope, busy.

Dick? Welding torch? I smell apocalypse.

-[hissing] -Ohh! It burns!

Riley, I am so glad you're here.

Get all the bed sheets. Kid with the beard,

grab the sofa cushions. Tasumi, raid the fridge.

I'll need ketchup, cherry syrup,

and anything that can pass for a half-eaten brain.

C.A.R., do you have anything that might be able to generate

-a laser light show? -Huh, how about lasers?

If that's all you got, disguise yourself as a pumpkin

and park out front near the fake guillotine.

Excuse me, I'm a spy car, not a decorative holiday ornament.

Whoa, whoa. What's goin' on here?

It's some sort of insipid decorating competition.

-More decorating, less talking. -Competition? Against who?

Yuck! That's the grossest decoration yet.

Oh, wait! It's Riley! [laughs]

Good one, Buzz.

[grunting] Buzz...

Girl, I know what you're thinkin', and don't waste your time.

Why?

It's their side of the street versus your side,

and your side has the Kelpmans.

Boring.

They never come out of their house, and they never decorate for any holiday.

[Tasumi] We have a word for people like them in Japan...

Lame!

[all scoff]

So, no matter how cool Dad and I decorate, we can't win?

-Pretty much. -Then they have to go.

Todd.

The worst part is the Kelpmans give out pennies instead of candy.

They gotta go.

[beeps]

[ringing]

[Mr. Fleem] Hello? Fleemco.

Mr. Fleem? We need some new neighbors.

With a lot of Halloween spirit.

And candy.

Somebody who will make this Halloween real spooky.

-And candy. -[Mr. Fleem] Consider it done.

Mr. and Mrs. Kelpman, congratulations!

Dad, those reindeer don't look scary.

Reindeer aren't scary, but mummy reindeer are!

Oh, yes, every bit as terrifying

as the mummy pink flamingo and the mummy lawn gnome.

Oh, great, we're beat, and we're out of toilet paper.

[laughing]

[shouting]

Then again maybe we're not.

Riley, they're here.

[ghoulish laughter]

[Todd] Whoa, what do you think's in there? A dog?

Or something that ate the dog. Hey, look.

Ooh! This is awesome!

Let's go say hi.

-[yells] But how did you-- -Are you two spying on me?

No, we just wanted to come and welcome you to the neighborhood.

I'm Riley, and this is my brother Todd.

Emile Zupeck at your service.

-[hisses] -Emile? Come home immediately.

You'll ruin your supper.

Heh, my wife Singuna. You must forgive her.

She can be quite... controlling.

[Singuna] Now, Emile!

[Dick] Kids, come see the big display!

Another time, I guess. See ya.

Oh, anytime, children.

Anytime. [wicked laughter]

[Singuna] Emile!

Coming.

OK, this took 20,000 strands of lights and a big chunk of your college funds.

Well, it's not like the boy was gonna need it.

But here we go!

[buzzing]

[techno music playing]

[all cheering]

[Dick] Ohh.

[powering down]

[Agent K] It's an ambush!

Or Dick shorted out the whole neighborhood... again.

Except the Zupecks. Look.

[woman screaming]

[werewolf howling]

[Todd and Riley] Cool!

No, no, no, no, no.

-What's wrong, Dad? -One of my bulbs must be burned out.

I can certainly see one dim bulb from here.

-Where? Where? -Todd, look!

Wow!

Tombstones? Suh-weet!

[exclaims] Look at their grass. It died overnight!

Cool! Hey, look at those webs!

OK, the webs are a bit overdone. I mean, how big would those spiders be?

-[gasps] -Look how real it looks.

Real? I doubt a real giant spider would let you do this...

Huh? Huh? Come on, come on, come on.

-Eh, phony spider. -Well, I like it.

Our side of the street is totally winning this contest.

Ah, I can almost taste that gold snot rag.

Come on, let's congratulate our new neighbors.

[grunting]

[gulps]

-[belches] -Excuse you.

Hummina, hummina, hummina.

-[door squeaks] -[gasps]

Whoa.

Darling, I'm taking these two to the dungeon.

Basement, Emile, basement.

Yes, of course.

-[Singuna] And wipe your feet. -Yes, dear.

Turning, spinning, potion pools, making sparkling candy jewels.

Turn the young and hapless fools into my mindless zombie ghouls!

[cackling]

-Uh, maybe we should go before-- -[Emile] Children!

Now is not a good time to visit, but return after sundown,

and you will surely get what's coming to you.

Every child will. [maniacal laughter]

If you take my meaning.

[Singuna] I warned you to guard the door when I'm chanting incantations.

[Emile] Yes, of course, somehow it is always my fault.

You couldn't do your conjuring

in the safety of the dungeon like every other witch.

Basement!

How many times do I have to tell you to call it the basement?!

[both shuddering]

OK, we gotta call Fleemco right away and return those guys.

Oh, Todd, I'm sure there's an explanation for what we saw.

Yeah, he's a vampire and she's a witch who can walk through walls.

I mean there's a logical explanation, like, uh... mmm...

Hmm...

OK, you win.

[beeps]

[ringing]

[Mr. Fleem] Hello? Fleemco.

Hi, sir, it's Riley and Todd again. It's about our neighbors.

Yes, I was about to call you. I am so sorry.

We did everything we could,

but the Kelpmans just plain refused to be replaced.

They what?

Yes, they said they were just too attached to their home

and they weren't leaving.

Not in this lifetime, at least.

[both yelling]

No, no, no, no.

Gotcha!

[squeaking]

[both screaming]

Mom, Dad, our new neighbors are evil monsters!

No!

-Yes! -Yes!

What exactly are you two talking about?

The Kelpmans are gone, and we thought we'd replaced them, but we didn't.

And the new people are vampires or witches or something even worse.

Like idiot stuntmen?

Oh, yeah, I hate those guys.

-This is nothing to joke about. -Of course it is.

There are no such things as vampires or witches.

C.A.R., is right, dear.

I ran the Zupecks' pictures through my evil database

the moment they moved in. They came up clean.

I'm telling you, we saw them making some sort

of zombie potion in a big pot, and then this guy was not there,

and then suddenly he was there and... [yells]

You're not making any sense, Todd.

Like father, like son.

[groaning]

[clears throat] Look, it's obvious you kids

believe you saw something and are very upset by it,

so I'm going to do what any good parent would do, prove you wrong.

Dick Daring, daredevil, father of two, and welcoming neighbor.

[gasps]

Emile Zupeck at your service.

Emile, you're not a witch by any chance, are you?

No, not at all.

[hissing]

Well, didn't think so. That's cleared up. Kids, let's go.

Dad, his wife's the witch.

-He's a vampire. -Oh, really?

Well, then, Mr. Zupeck, are you a vampire? Ooh!

Why, yes, yes, I am.

[both laughing]

Well, don't bite me in the neck.

I can't. Sunlight.

[both laughing]

Your jugular vein pops when you laugh...

Emile, thanks for your time. Love the decorations.

Thank you. We're going for a zombie theme.

Come back tonight. You'll see zombies everywhere.

Well, we might just do that. Thanks.

[hissing]

We may be the only ones who can save the neighborhood.

If Mom and Dad won't help us, we're going to have to do it ourselves.

You're not suggesting we go back to the Zupeck house?

Yes, inside the house. Tonight, Halloween night.

-[howling] -[yells]

[teeth chattering]

Ooh, sorry, kids, did I scare you? Excellent.

Thanks for helping, you guys. I didn't want to go alone.

I am honored to help you stop these supernatural creatures.

It's what my brother Roku would do.

Well, I'm not sure it's what my bank teller William Catarack would do,

but I was bored, so I'm in.

Hey, where's your windshield wiper lady costume, Riley?

Actually, I decided I needed

to be a different inspirational female this Halloween.

Ta-da!

Whoa!

Wow, Riley, that costume looks just like your mom's.

It is one of my mom's.

She left it in the dryer too long.

[howling]

[grunts]

[yells]

Hey, what are you doing? We want to do it.

We don't need a meddling kid and his dumb dog to solve this mystery.

Hey, I'm no dog. I'm a Chupacabra.

And I'm not a meddling kid.

I'm a hippie with the beads and the protesting

and the oh, ho, ho, yes, free love. Whatever that means.

Oh, come on.

[door squeaks]

[creaking]

Oh, sorry.

Maybe I wouldn't be so rusty if someone did not drool all over me.

Whatever we do, don't split up, OK?

-Yike. -[yelps]

I said, "Whatever we do, don't split up."

Hello? Uh-oh.

Time for plan B.

-What's that? -Run!

[both yelling]

Mom, Mom! They took our friends.

You have to believe us now. The Zupecks are--

Very nice people.

Mrs. Zupeck even stopped by to offer us some candy.

Some delicious homemade candy.

[both yelling]

Have some candy, children.

Join us!

[both yelling]

No...

Dad, help us! Mom's been zombified!

The Zupecks have to be stopped!

No one must disturb the Zupecks!

-Ooh! -[both screaming]

-[Dick] Join us! Join us! -[Agent K] Join us! Join us!

-Join us. -Join us.

C.A.R., Dad's a drooling, mindless zombie!

-Tell me something I don't know. -And so's Mom.

I warned her he'd rub off on her eventually.

This is serious.

That witch lady is using candy to create zombie people.

Look, I told you before that I don't believe in such poppycock.

-[Dick] Join us, join us! -[Agent K] Join us, join us!

Having said that, I don't suppose it would hurt anything

for me to call up a little research for you.

Accessing.

[narrator] The Supernatural and You!

Young Donnie do-wrong isn't prepared. Where is his wooden stake?

[chuckles] It won't do him any good under his bed or in his toy box.

-[roars] -[Donnie yells]

I guess I deserve this for being unprepared.

[yells]

OK, OK, fast forward to the part about witches.

[narrator] Ready Roger knows what to do.

[all] Ooh.

[narrator] He topples the witch's cauldron to break her zombie spell.

That-a-boy, Roger!

[reel winds down]

That's it, then.

We have to go back inside that house and tip over her cauldron.

It's time to commence Operation: Rainbow Jumper.

Riley, in case I don't make it back, there's one thing I have to let you know.

[sobs] That's the worst name for an operation I've ever heard!

Ever!

I mean, it's terrible!

Now, it's time to commence Operation: De-zombify Mom and Dad!

Whatever.

[Dick] Join us... Join...

Whoa... [grunts]

Back, mindless scum.

You, too, K.

[howling]

Riley, I've got your back. And by that I mean, you go first.

-Me? Why should I go first? -You're oldest. You've lived your life.

[both yelling]

Relax, losers, I just came over to give you this.

These new people, their house is so great.

You losers win. Losers.

[all yelling]

[Emile] Welcome, Riley and Todd. Thanks for dropping in!

[maniacal laughing]

These guys are great.

Dropping in.

[laughs] Good one, mysterious disembodied voice.

[chuckles]

Buzz, we're in grave danger.

[Emile laughs] Grave danger. Good one, Todd!

I've got to write it down! In blood!

Aw, give it a rest, would ya? You already won.

Let's see what else they got down here.

-[Tasumi] Help us! -[Abbey] Help us!

-[Tasumi] Help us! -[Abbey] Help us!

[hissing]

[Shelton] Todd? Is that you, Todd?

Oh, I'm crazy with the probing and the hurting and now I want a banana.

[babbles as a monkey]

Loser!

[babbles]

Make... [giggling] It...

[giggling] Stop!

What a cool dungeon.

[Emile] You mean... basement, don't you?

Alley oop!

[Singuna cackling]

[both yelling]

[both] Boo!

[moaning]

[both yelling]

Todd, grab on.

[both] Ohh.

Look, the cauldron that controls the zombies.

[ghoulish moaning]

Todd, we have to knock over that cauldron.

Time to have your candy, children.

[all] Join us! Join us!

-This is it, sis. -Maybe not.

Buzz, I know what you're thinking.

Don't you knock over that cauldron and ruin this haunted house

just so you can keep your trophy.

Don't you use your reverse pa-psychology on me.

That makes me so mad! I could just tip over this cauldron!

[grunts]

Thank you, and good night.

[ghoulish groaning]

-It didn't work. -We're doomed!

Todd, I just want you to know--

I blame you, too, Riley.

-This is it! -This is it!

The best Halloween of your life.

[all] Surprise. Happy Halloween!

What?

[both] Ta-da.

Surprise.

Hello.

Sorpresa!

See? Fake teeth.

Hello, Fleemco. [giggles]

It's me, Conrad Fleem.

-A-ha, did we getcha? -Are you kidding?

I'm sweating in places I didn't even know I could sweat.

At least I hope it's sweat.

Well, you said you wanted a super spooky Halloween.

And lots of candy.

So, I brought in two Hollywood special effects experts,

the Zupecks, to rig up the whole thing.

And once we found out, we played along.

Terrifying children is how a father shows his love.

At least that's what it says here in Bad Parents magazine.

But wait. Where are the Kelpmans?

Here we are.

We were more than happy to help.

We never realized that golden snot rag was so important to the neighborhood.

We would love to have decorated, but our work keeps us so busy.

What? Are you accountants or something?

No, but I get that a lot because I look like such a dweeb.

[chuckles] No, I'm a video game tester.

I'm an ice-cream taster.

We tried to wave you kids in for samples, but you always turned your backs.

-Boy, I really learned a lesson today. -You can't judge a book by its cover?

No, always find out if your neighbors have cool jobs.

Well, you guys were all great, especially C.A.R.

He really had us fooled.

C.A.R.? C.A.R. wasn't in on it.

He wasn't?

[Riley] C.A.R., it's us, we're OK.

We're not zombies.

[chuckles] Exactly what a zombie would say!

[Todd] Seriously, it's a party. Join us!

[all] Join us! Join us! Join us!

Never! I've got a garlic shooter and silver tipped missiles.

Take one step towards that door,

and you'll regret it for the rest of existence.

You will be excoriated!

[Shelton's voice] Hey? What about me with the not changing back

and the tail and the no thumbs and the slightly better smell?

[announcer] The Fleemco Company presents: Agent K on honest.

We all know that honesty is the best policy,

but you may have noticed that Dick and I, were not completely forthcoming

with our children regarding our zombification.

In certain circumstances, pranking, spying,

when someone asks if an outfit makes them look fat,

honesty isn't the only policy.

[announcer] We thought this was going to be Agent K on honesty.

[Agent K] Oh, dear.