Original subtitles

[theme song plays]

♪ Todd and Riley were, oh, so sad ♪

♪ Then they came 'cross a Fleemco ad ♪

♪ They sent away a $1.98 ♪

♪ Got a superspy mom ♪

♪ And a daredevil dude of a dad ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ The replacements ♪

♪ Now anytime they come across adults ♪

♪ Who are sly and deny and deprive them ♪

♪ And make things bad ♪

[phone ringing]

[Mr. Fleem] Hello, Fleemco.

Sir, we need a replacement.

And fast.

♪ And anytime they wanna make a change ♪

♪ Modify and rearrange ♪

♪ Though it might get kinda strange ♪

♪ Make 'em better, nice And strong and fast ♪

♪ And smart and cool and maybe even lame ♪

♪ Call in the replacements ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ Get the replacements ♪

♪ Just get the replacements ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ Get the replacements ♪

Dad, Dad, I have the perfect movie. Monkey Cop!

Get this, he's monkey and a cop!

Brian Acker of the Dubuque Penny Pincher gave it 2 1/2 stars.

Monkey Cop? Ah, what a stinker.

We should watch Monkey Cop Three.

Everyone knows the series didn't hit its stride

until Primates on Patrol.

Well, if I had my way we'd rent the spy classic,

Don't Ever Say Don't Ever Again.

But we all know it's Riley's turn to choose tonight.

Oh, no. Not another Riley night.

Oh, man. She picks the same movie every time.

Hey, guys, I found it! The Majestic Horse!

[both groaning]

[horse whinnies]

[snoring]

Thunderbolt, you came back.

[horse whinnies]

-This is it, boy. -[Riley] This is it, boy.

-The big jump. -The big jump.

-I believe in you. -I believe in you.

[grunts]

[exclaims] They did it! They made the jump!

[gasps]

Ahh, of course they did. They always make the jump.

Mom, Dad, can I get a horse so I can train it,

and enter it into a horse show and live out a fairytale of my very own?

I believe it's your turn to crush our daughter's dreams, dear.

I'm sorry, honey. We can't buy you a horse.

You'll just have to make do with your Majestic Horse posters,

bed sheets, dental floss, and emergency tornado kit.

[whinnies]

Hmm. You know what? A horse could count as

my birthday, Christmas, and Kumquat Day presents for the next five years.

Aw, honey, we've been through this.

There's just no practical reason for this family to get a horse.

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get this stage coach

over to Carson City. Hi-ya!

Watch out, Mr. Frog. It's the dreaded wash cloth monster.

[imitates monster growl]

[yells] Hey, I'm taking a bath in here.

Hey, Dad, did you know that 80% of US Presidents owned horses as children?

And before you ask, yes, that includes James K. Polk.

Plus, buying a horse would save our family a ton of money on costly horse rentals.

If I ride it just 37 times. It'll pay for itself.

Now, what can I do to get me in a horse today?

I say leave me and Mr. Frog to our imagination time.

♪ Do do-do-do ♪

Whoa! What's going on here?

Sorry, Dad, it looks like we have a sugar cube problem.

-Sugar cube problem? -Yeah, it's pretty bad.

And you know what they say, for every one you see

there's another 1,000 in the crawl space.

If only we owned some kind of majestic animal

that liked to eat sugar cubes.

That's it, Riley. I'm putting my foot down.

This family is in dire need of a horse and by gosh, we're gonna get one.

And you're going to have to ride it, and comb it, and feed it every day.

You drive a hard bargain, but OK.

Yeah!

Excuse me, sir. Are you by any chance looking to buy a horse?

Uh, how could you tell?

Well, you look like a man who knows a thing or two about horses.

So, I don't need to tell you not to go to some place like Horse Valley.

No, they just mark up their prices

to pay for their fancy fences and stables.

Let me show you my inventory.

I don't know. I think my daughter wants something a little more majestic.

Are you kidding me? Prince, uh, Cinnamon Boots here

is the most majestic animal on the market. You are looking at a 100% pure-bred mule.

And if I know one thing about little girls,

it's that they love mules.

Hee-haw!

[groans] I don't know.

Now, before you make up your mind, let me show you the best part.

[cranking]

[grunts]

Oh, yeah! Look at him go!

Riley's going to love this.

Is this horse $2,000? Because that's all I have.

Well, my kids will have to go hungry,

but anything for a crafty negotiator like yourself.

-[door slams] -[engine starts]

[vehicle drives away]

Good news, Riley. Your fairytale is about to come true.

[squealing] I can't wait!

I've already signed you up for the local horse show,

because, well, now I don't want to oversell this,

but you are about to meet the most spectacular animal

in the history of the world!

Shoo! Get this monstrosity away from me!

-This leather is imported. -What is that thing?

Only the best pure-bred mule money can buy.

And if that shady looking salesman

who sells things from the back of his van is any authority,

little girls love mules.

I'm going to be riding that in the local horse show?

You sure are! Oh, and I didn't even show you the best part.

[cranking]

[grunts]

[humming]

-Oh, yeah! -It's as if they were separated at birth.

All right, boy. Now jump this hedge.

Just like Thunderbolt did in The Majestic Horse.

OK, boy, just... just gracefully weave through the cones.

Hee-haw! Hee-haw! Hee-haw!

-[whistle blows] -It's good!

[groans]

[sniffing]

Whoa! Prince Cinnamon Boots, this is not majestic!

[yells]

[groans]

[phone beeping]

-[ringing] -[Mr. Fleem] Hello, Fleemco.

Sir, I need to replace my pet mule with a horse.

I just think he'd be happier as a sugar cube taster

or jar of glue or something.

[Mr. Fleem] Well, I do own a sugar mill and a glue factory.

I... suppose we could give it a try.

And if you happen to find a more majestic replacement,

I wouldn't turn it down.

[phone rings]

[mumbling on phone]

[gasps]

[air brake hisses]

[neighs]

It's Thunderbolt, the actual majestic horse!

Excuse me, little girl.

Thunderbolt was just groomed and has a big photo shoot this afternoon.

So, I'll thank you to keep your grimy little hands off of him.

-Who are you? -I'm his agent.

Any and all contact with Thunderbolt goes through me.

OK, so can I ride him?

[sighs] Let's check his schedule.

Hmm. Audition. Foot massage. Award show. After party.

After-after party. State-mandated community service.

Oh, here's an opening.

It looks like I can squeeze you in for 15 minutes next November.

November? But how are we going to rehearse for the horse show?

[chuckling] Thunderbolt does not rehearse.

He's a professional. Now, if you'll excuse us,

Thunderbolt has a 10:00 with his whisperer.

[neighs]

Hmm? Prince Cinnamon Boots looks different.

Yeah, Dad... [chuckles] about that...

Come on, boy, let's give these people a show!

[whinnies]

[grunts]

You used to be cool.

[laughs] I do like this horse.

So, we're agreed. Thunderbolt will get top billing,

a producer credit, final cut, ten percent of the box office,

and a big pile of hay.

[thudding]

Ahh, make that two big piles of hay.

Wow, Riley, your horse is great!

I'd give four of my horses for something that majestic.

I'm so sorry, sir. I thought it was sparkling water.

I'll go get you some right away.

[sighs] Yeah, I guess he's all right.

Hello? Now just a heads up.

Thunderbolt is up for some big movie roles and doesn't want to be typecast.

So, he won't be doing any of his signature jumps from The Majestic Horse.

What am I supposed to do out there then?

Just smile and let him do the work.

Oh, and whatever you do. Don't upstage him. He hates that.

[crowd cheering]

Oh, look at her. So cultured and sophisticated--

[air horn blows]

Whoo-hoo! Let's go, Riley!

Hey, little girl, let's have a big smile!

[camera clicks]

[camera clicks]

All right now let's get one just with the girl.

-[camera clicks] -[grunts]

Whoa!

[crowd gasps]

My client will be in his trailer until you're ready to apologize.

I guess there's no such thing as a Hollywood ending.

[man in distance] Hey, get back here!

Hee-haw!

Darn mule, you haven't finished tasting my sugar cubes.

[gasp] Prince Cinnamon Boots! You came back!

Hee-haw, hee-haw, hee-haw.

This is it, boy, the big jump.

I believe in you.

Oh, Prince Cinnamon Boots, Dad was right all along.

You're way better than any dumb movie star horse.

-That was awesome, honey! -Smashing, literally.

Riley, you got a perfect score!

Thanks. I'm just glad we have a new member of the family.

[man on TV] Oh, I don't know how you do it, monkey cop.

But you caught Big Tony, rescued the mayor's daughter,

and still had time to save the troubled teen's rec center.

[screeching]

Yeah, you get the job done, but you still drive me bananas.

[laughing]

[all laughing]

Hilarious!

Monkey Cop Four. Great choice, Prince Cinnamon Boots.

From now on, we should call you Prince Cinnamon Hoots.

[all laughing]

[beeps]

[laughs]

Sorry, Mom, no cage can hold Todd Daring

when the carnival is in town.

-I'd like one ticket, please. -Well, now, hold on there, little feller.

Y'all accompanied by a parent or guardian?

Certainly, sir. Let me introduce you to my parent/guardian.

Hey!

This is my dad Shelton, and he says I can go.

Don't comment on his height. He doesn't want me to see him cry.

I'm so very short! [babbles]

[chuckles] Nice try, kid.

But I didn't spend six weeks in carnival management college

to fall for a trick like that. Now, beat it.

I'm so sorry to hear about your condition, sir.

Please enjoy this lifetime pass.

Oh, Jennifer, your new white carnival dress

really shines in the moonlight.

No, Claudia, your new white carnival dress

really shines in the moonlight!

[both yelp]

Todd, did you go to the carnival,

or do you always dress like a ninja to go to the bathroom?

I didn't go to the carnival! Dumb manager wouldn't let me in.

Really? I thought carnies encouraged lawless behavior.

Yeah, well, this guy wasn't cool like that at all.

But why did you even go when Mom told us specifically not to?

Well, she wasn't that specific! There was a lot of gray area.

No, no, no! Under no circumstances, kids,

may you ever go near any carnival, ever, ever, ever... on earth!

But why?!

Because I am your mother and I don't like carnivals and I said so!

[grunts]

I mean, come on! She pretty much dared me to go.

Curiosity killed the cat, Todd.

[screams] They told us Whiskers died of old age!

Ah, never mind. It doesn't matter,

'cause unless that carnival manager gets replaced

by some old style carnie who isn't so stuck on the rules,

-you're never gonna-- -[phone beeping]

[groans] I did it again.

[telephone rings]

Mr. Sully? Jolene and I would just love it

if you would judge our Miss Pumpkin and Pig Pageant!

Well, little ladies, who can refuse pigs and pumpkins?

[chuckles]

I've got watches! Watches! Real Foolex watches here!

Win a watch in a game of chance! Chikity-chaw, chikity-choo!

One ticket, please.

Wait a second, junior. You got a parent with ya?

Eh...

'Cause I don't like parents. They ask too many questions.

[grunting]

Sweet! Let the fun times begin!

[squeaking]

Whoa, beep-beep, coming through,

'scuse me, pardon me, I'll just stand right here.

[all groaning]

[grunting]

[squeaking]

Todd, before you head back to that carnival

and disobey Mom yet again...

[gasps] My Rainbow Jumper sheets!

Hey, man, I just wanted to tell you how sweet your carnival is.

Now I know why my mom didn't want me coming here.

This is the most fun I've ever had!

Carnies get a bad rap, sonny, I don't know why.

Find the red queen.

[mumbling]

Yoinks! Sucker.

Oh, man, that was my last dollar!

No money, no tickets.

OK. I just wish there was some way I could hang with you guys a while longer.

Well, there is one way you could stay...

if you're willing to give up your home, family and dental plan

for a life of carnies, fast food and fun!

Well, maybe it's the cotton candy talkin', but sign me up!

Todd, what are you doing?

Your brother just signed the carnie contract.

He's one of us now!

Forget it, I'm taking him home.

Well, if you insist.

Of course, you'll have to sign a release form.

[mumbling]

Oops! Signed the wrong form!

Welcome to the carnival, little lady!

Todd!

Don't judge me.

OK, Riley, don't panic. Mom and Dad will save us.

Mom and Dad will save us!

Yeah, they're probably out looking for us right now.

Ahh, wow.

It's been really peaceful these past few days.

Ah, yes. I wonder why that is.

So, what's first? Ride the Whirl 'N Gag, the Spin 'N Puke,

or the Vomitron?

Mop out the Vomitron is more like it. And you, toothy, I got work for you, too.

[fly buzzing]

Who knew there'd be vomit in the Vomitron?

Here you go.

Wow, you look like something the cat dragged in.

I am. I just cleaned out the tiger cage.

You know, I'm starting to think

that carnie fun isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Oh, really? Well, maybe you should have thought of that

before you got us into this mess!

Well, I thought you said,

"Mom and Dad will save us! Mom and Dad will save us!"

But where are they?!

[beeping]

Todd and Riley are gone!

Drat! I knew they'd figure it out eventually.

[gasps] Where could they be?

I don't know.

All I found were these tickets and a map to a carnival!

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Let me check... no.

[Todd imitating Riley] Mom and Dad will save us!

-Mom and Dad will save us! -Todd, would you give it a rest?!

We gotta get out of here before it's too late!

Stop right there, carnie dearest.

Who said you could leave?

[Dick] Look out below!

Mom, I am so glad to see you! I promise, I've learned my lesson!

I'll do whatever you say from now on whether you have a good reason or not.

Actually, isn't the lesson don't run away with the carnival?

Todd, perhaps I should have explained

why I didn't want you to go to the carnival.

Yeah, that's great, Mom. We gotta go!

But it's an interesting story.

I don't care, Mom. Mad carnies on bumper cars.

Don't worry. They can't make you stay,

unless you did something really stupid, like sign a carnie contract.

-But they did! -No! Not the carnie contract!

What's the carnie contract?

[groans] The carnie contract is only the most unbreakable

rock-solid oath a person can take.

There's only way to break it, the carnie way.

No! Not the carnie way!

-Continue explaining, please. -You got it.

We'll hold a midway competition; your family versus my family.

You win all three, you all go free.

But if we win even one, you all become my carnies.

Bring it on.

[both growling]

-[grunts] -[cheering]

The bearded lady showed an excellent arch,

but can young Riley match her prowess?

[muttering]

Ugh!

[all laughing]

[man] And this young girl's daring!

Ooh, whoa, I look weird!

[grunts]

Round two has Dick Daring competing against

the Human Trashcan in the Vomitron.

Who will be the first gastronomical gladiator to fold?

In a strategic move, Human Trashcan attempts to disgust Dick Daring

by snacking on old pizza.

Oh, my, the coup de grâce,

hot milk three months past its expiration date.

-[gags] -[buzzer sounds]

You're insane!

And with a stomach that defies explanation,

Dick Daring is declared the winner!

[sobbing] I'd like to thank my stomach for being there all those years.

I love you, man!

So, Buford Joe, if that is your real name,

what's the contest? Water shooters?

No, I was thinking of a little card trick.

Find the red queen and win your freedom.

Careful, K, I think this is some kind of trick.

[both] Mom, no!

Ah, too bad. But as a consolation prize,

you can take any item from the bottom shelf.

Not so fast.

Wait, that can't be the right card, because--

It was up your sleeve?

Yes, it was, but I relieved you of it a few seconds ago.

We win. You lose.

[all groaning]

D'oh!

Mom, how did you know that trick?

Well, when I was about your age, I, too, ran away with the carnival.

-You did? -Yes, it was awful.

They made me deep fry things, horrible things!

I didn't want you to make the same mistake.

-I should have known. -I should have told you.

-So, you're saying we won? -[Agent K] Yes. Shall we go?

Sure, but first I get something off the top shelf.

Hmm. So life-like and real.

-[growls] -It even purrs!

And has such real-looking claws!

And his breath smells like raw...

-[roars] -[Dick yelling]

[announcer] The Fleemco Company presents:

Dick Daring and Sprinkles the Tiger on harmony.

Harmony means living in peace with others,

even the animal kingdom.

'Cause when you don't appreciate your differences,

you end up with irritating teeth and claw marks.

[grunting]

Live in harmony, kids. Or pain. Your choice.

[groans]

[announcer] This has been Dick Daring on harmony.