Original subtitles

[theme song plays]

♪ Todd and Riley were, oh, so sad ♪

♪ Then they came 'cross a Fleemco ad ♪

♪ They sent away a $1.98 ♪

♪ Got a superspy mom ♪

♪ And a daredevil dude of a dad ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ The replacements ♪

♪ Now anytime they come across adults ♪

♪ Who are sly and deny and deprive them ♪

♪ And make things bad ♪

[phone ringing]

[Mr. Fleem] Hello, Fleemco.

Sir, we need a replacement.

And fast.

♪ And anytime they wanna make a change ♪

♪ Modify and rearrange ♪

♪ Though it might get kinda strange ♪

♪ Make 'em better, nice And strong and fast ♪

♪ And smart and cool and maybe even lame ♪

♪ Call in the replacements ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ Get the replacements ♪

♪ Just get the replacements ♪

♪ Replacements ♪

♪ Get the replacements ♪

[bell ringing]

[sloshing]

[girl 1] Ew, is that your stomach?

[girl 2 mutters] It's that kid's cool shoes.

Whoa! The new Cheetah Force H2Os.

Oh, boy! Are those the shoes with the four ounces of real Peruvian geyser water?

You got that right. It's like walking on a water bed.

Nice shoes, Todd. It'd be a real shame if someone did this.

Sorry, Buzz.

Your bullying is a little behind the times.

Hey! No shoe's gonna outsmart me.

[stomping]

Gah?

Yeah, you better run. No bully's gonna mess with me.

That sounds like a challenge to me. [growls]

Ay, chihuahua. Donny Rottweiler.

What's he doing at our school?

He's probably been kicked out of every other school in the state, that's what.

Oh, look! A retainer! It almost fits.

[Todd yelling]

Claudia, your spotless new white summer dress is awesome!

No, Jennifer. Your spotless new white summer dress is awesome.

[both yell]

[groaning]

[Donny] And now to collect my prize. [laughs]

This couldn't be any more painful.

[grunts] OK, now it couldn't be any more painful.

Maybe I should just shut up.

What's going on here?

Mr. Stample, that new kid just beat me up.

Really? Well, school policy says I must see the incident in question.

But he took my shoes!

How do I know you didn't just come to school without shoes?

So, you're saying you can't do anything?

Of course I can, Todd.

-I'm gonna write you a citation... -Hey.

...for coming to school without shoes.

[groans]

[Dick] Don't worry, little Dick. I've planned this stunt out perfectly.

Nothing could possibly go wrong.

[gasps]

Hey, Dad, can we talk?

I'm having a problem with a bully at school.

A bully, huh? Well, Todd, dealing with bullies

is no different than getting shot out of a cannon,

or wrestling a shark in a barrel as you go over Niagara Falls.

The key is always to protect yourself. Take this new stunt suit, for example.

I've made sure it's waterproof,

puncture proof, and entirely flame resistant.

[yelps] I'm still working out the kinks.

-Maybe I'll just go ask Mom. -I would.

Ah, your very first enemy.

What you must do is find his enemies, then his enemies' enemies,

then his enemies' enemies' enemies, which could very well be you.

Wow, OK.

Then you must go to the Miriam Plat Square in Munich

and await further instructions from a man known only as Blue Rooster.

He will say, "The crow flies west at midnight."

-You must answer-- -Thanks anyway, Mom!

Exactly.

Hey, Todd. I heard you were having trouble with the new kid at school.

I was, but I figured it all out. I'll just never go back to school.

I'll start a new life as a hermit

and spend my days carving small woodland creatures out of soap.

See, look. This one's a woodchuck.

Hi, Riley. I'm Silvie the woodchuck.

Look, Todd. One day you'll realize that everybody can be reasoned with.

Fortunately for you, today's that day,

because I invited Donny over so you two can sit down and talk this all out.

You did what?

[growls]

Now, don't come out until you've worked out your differences.

[punching and crashing]

Mr. Stample, what an amazing coincidence. Can you give me a hand?

Sorry, Todd. It's out of my jurisdiction. See you in school tomorrow.

And, Todd, don't forget to wear your shoes.

[Donny] Oh, Todd!

[Mr. Fleem] Hello, Fleemco.

[Todd] Sir, I need you to replace our school's security guard

with someone who will protect me.

You want me to provide security for pop star Dustin Dreamlake?

I'm in! [laughing]

[Mr. Fleem] Your new school guard is on his way.

[panting] Todd, Mr. Stample's gone and Donny's on a rampage

with the beating and the crying

and oh, please Mr. Bully don't eat my calculator.

[yelling]

Hide your calculators, everybody!

You've got some nerve showing your ugly mug around here again.

[stuttering] But I go to school here.

Oh, come on. Like I haven't heard that before.

[yelling]

[groaning]

[robotic voice] Access denied. Do not harm Todd.

[yelling]

[yells]

Message sent.

[cheering]

A RoboFleem S-G-X?

Whoa, Todd. You have the coolest wisecracking security robot ever.

I do have the coolest wisecracking security robot ever.

[groans]

[chuckles]

[buzzing]

[RoboFleem] Game over.

Todd, who was the first president of the United States?

Um, George...

Stapler?

No, Todd. That's not even close.

Really? Because my robot and I think it is George Stapler.

Oh, wait. I'm wrong. [laughing]

It is George Stapler. And whatever else Todd says. [shudders]

[whimpers]

Oh, hey, Buzz.

Oh, look. There's a pebble on the ground.

I'd better bend over and pick it up.

With my underwear riding so high today, I hope no one gives me a wedgie.

[muttering]

Can't... resist... wedgie... opportunity!

I see London, I see France.

I see payback occurring in your underpants.

[laughing]

[RoboFleem] Ha-ha!

Todd, please take this cut of the week's lunch money collection

as but a small token of my appreciation.

Give it to the robot.

Todd, don't you think you're going a little over--

Riley, if you're not here to pay your respects, please step aside.

Hey, guys, isn't this great? There are no more bullies.

Yeah, of course, Todd.

Whatever you and your big scary robot say.

Yes, the robot is a good thing. And, oh, please don't hurt me!

Just take my calculator!

[yells]

What was that about?

Don't you get it, Todd? You've become the bully.

Could Riley be right?

Has my enormous robot given me too much power?

In my effort to protect myself,

have I become the very thing I sought to destroy?

A bully?

[echoing] Bully... bully... bully...

[Shelton] Yes!

[groans]

It's done.

Hey, Dad. I got a question for you.

Do you think there's such a thing as having too much power?

Oh, absolutely, son.

Like the first time I tried out my jet-powered golf cart here.

[yells]

And that's how I learned that too much power is a dangerous thing.

Thanks, Dad.

Then again, too little power can be a problem, too.

Like my redesigned jet golf cart here. I don't think it's got enough juice.

[yelling]

You need anything from the fridge?

[all yelling]

[sighs] You know, RoboFleem, I'm not sure this is working out.

Everybody hates me.

Everybody hates you? Everyone is Todd's enemy?

-Everyone is a threat? -Wait, no!

Citizens, step away from the Todd!

Oh, Claudia, your new suede jacket is totally awesome.

No, Jennifer. Your new suede jacket is totally awesome.

[both yelling]

[students screaming]

What are you doing?

-Must keep Todd safe. -Riley! Call Fleemco!

-Something's wrong with the S-G-X! -Got it!

[beeping]

Huh?

Stop! RoboFleem, stop!

I'm sorry, Riley. I'm afraid I can't let you do that.

Returning me to Fleemco would be a threat to Todd's safety.

[yelling]

[yelling]

I'm coming, Riley!

[yelling]

Hey, if you want to go after my sister, you gotta go through me!

Must protect Todd.

Must defeat Todd to protect Todd. Does not compute!

Unable to handle conundrum or produce snappy comeback.

Self-destruct mode enabled. Have a nice day.

Wow, Todd.

You somehow knew that the robot couldn't attack you in order to protect you.

What a brilliant plan.

Plan? Oh, right, my brilliant plan. Uh, of course.

Well, I hope you learned a lesson from all of this.

Right. If I'm ever cornered by a giant robot,

I should confuse it with an unanswerable condominium.

No, the larger lesson; that you can't let power go to your head.

Oh, yeah. That, too.

Well, at least everything is back to normal.

[Donny] No, it ain't.

Now we got a debt to settle.

By my calculations, with interest, carry the two, times the ten,

I owe you 100 noogies, 37 swirlies, and one dreaded Mississippi horseshoe.

Now, let's get working on that first payment, shall we?

Uh, excuse me for a second.

[yelling]

Must defeat Todd.

[Todd] Aww, couldn't I go to the dentist instead?

Todd, it's the end of the semester, and we all have projects due.

I know you haven't finished your report on bovine growth hormones.

It's not as fun as it sounds.

You don't want to go to summer school, do you?

-No. -Then there's only one place to study:

a cool little hangout I like to call the library.

Please don't make me go in there. I've heard... things.

Todd, relax.

The library is an idyllic place full of fun and adventure and excitement.

-Really? -I cannot tell a lie.

I'm gonna kick some revolutionary butt!

Wow! Let's go!

[grunts]

[yelling]

-Shh! -But I didn't--

Empty your pockets!

You can have these noisy things back when you leave.

Noisy? Those weren't...

OK, you got me on that one.

Shh!

-Shh! -What?

-Oh, come on. -Shh!

[wave crashing]

Shh!

See? Wasn't that great?

Only if there's some new definition of great that really means horrible!

[Riley] Todd, you're being ridiculous.

[Todd] No, I'm not. It's too quiet in there.

Mrs. Shusher's gone off the deep end.

It's a wonderful sanctuary of peace and quiet.

How do you think I got to be Student of the Month?

[laughing]

[groans] Libraries are for nerds with mustaches.

I'll never go in there, and I'll never grow a mustache.

If you don't study, Buzz, then you'll end up in summer school again,

where I'll be your tutor.

No girl with a mustache is gonna tutor me! You'll have to catch me first!

Freedom!

I never thought I'd say this, except if Buzz was sitting on me

hitting me with my own hand, but he's right. The library is lame.

Or at least, the librarian is, and that I can do something about.

[Mr. Fleem] Hello. Fleemco.

Hello, Mr. Fleem. I need a replacement librarian

who doesn't hate noise. In fact, just the opposite.

We're on it.

Students, I have two announcements. First: Shh!

And second, Fleemco Publishing has asked me to write a book:

an unabridged history of no talking.

Exciting, isn't it?

Now, while I'm gone, please respect your new librarian, Miss Osbourne.

[students cheering]

Todd?

[growl]

[stomping]

[scraping]

Oh, I'm sorry. Does that disturb you?

[crinkling]

[crunching]

Am I too loud for you?

-Well, ye-- -Well, too bad!

Because there's only one rule in Miss Osbourne's library:

You do not talk. You rock!

[rock music plays]

Hello, George Staple Middle School Library!

Are you ready to make some noise with a Z?

♪ Don't need notebooks ♪

♪ Ow, don't need notebooks ♪

♪ Don't care about no Teacher's dirty looks ♪

Todd, what have you done?

The other kids are gonna hate not being able to study and...

Todd?

♪ Don't need notebooks ♪

♪ Ow, don't need notebooks ♪

♪ Don't care about No teacher's dirty looks ♪

Well, at least it can't get any louder.

Well, I'm glad to see not every kid is falling for this.

I'm sure the teachers will put an end to this.

What's next, a hippopotamus?

Show me unicorns!

Aw, come on. It worked when I said hippopotamus.

You know, I think I'm getting the hang of this domestic thing.

Todd, dinner's ready.

What is that, Mom?

That's on a need to know basis.

-♪ Libraries are awesome! ♪ -They sure are, son.

They're easy to jump over on a motorcycle,

and if you happen to fall through a skylight, the books can break your fall.

Aim for the paperbacks, because these reference books hurt.

Mom, Dad, Todd only likes the library now

because he replaced the librarian with a rock 'n roller.

Really? How very imaginative of you, Todd.

I'll bet he got that way from all the time he's been spending in the library.

But, but... Oh, never mind.

[cheering]

[rock music playing]

♪ Rock 'n roll is forever ♪

♪ Studying here is for never ♪

♪ Ow, let's go ♪

Fine. Have fun at summer school, doofus.

Well, the library's out.

I'll just have to find someplace else to study.

-[Mom grunts] -[crashing]

[Dad] Nice judo throw, honey.

[groans] Another good one. Now, let me throw you--

[grunts] Oh, OK. That's it. I quit.

[grunts] Come on.

[Agent K] Hi-ya!

[rock music blaring]

Can't you please turn your radio down?

I'm sorry. I can't hear you. My radio's too loud.

-I said turn it down! -Why would I want to burn a cloud?

Never mind.

[laughing] My room, my rules.

Finally. Some peace and quiet.

[alarm blaring]

[groans]

[computer] HQ to Agent K.

Priority matter lift. Prepare for immediate launch.

[Riley] Launch?

[yelling]

[sighs]

All right, kids. Time to hit the books.

Ready?

-[rock music plays] -♪ One two, one two, one two ♪

-♪ Three, four ♪ -[Todd groans]

OK, Todd. It's time to get rid of Miss Osbourne.

Give me one good reason.

How about it's the last week of school

and in two days we'll all have projects due

that we haven't finished and we'll flunk.

-Oh, yeah. -And all end up in summer school.

[Buzz] Not all of us.

Eat my smarts.

You're Student of the Month?

I'm gonna be.

Lucky for me, I've never been in the library in my life.

And because of that, I am now the most smarterest kid here.

No, you're not.

But I will be when I'm the only kid in school

to turn in an end of semester project. Just think of it.

OK, people. Center.

Now, who wants to give us, the um, 4-1-1 on their science project first?

OK, this oughta be interesting.

For millions of years, man has wondered,

"What happens when you leave pizza under your bed for six months?"

Today, I give you the answer.

[sighs] Horrible. Just horrible.

It made my brain sad.

But since you're the only one who actually did the project, you get an "A."

-Yes! -And everyone else, all of you fail.

[all groaning]

Even better. Bow before my superior smartitude.

[humming]

So, if anyone tries to get rid of Miss Osbourne,

you'll soon be singing with the fishes.

Swimming with the fishes?

-Singing. -Got it.

[humming]

Well, I hope you're happy, Todd. This is so wrong.

I'm not supposed to be in summer school. I'm supposed to tutor summer school.

-What did you just say? -I said I hope you're happy.

No, after that.

Riley, I think I have an idea.

[humming]

What do you want, loserians?

We want to be the first to tell you that your parents have just signed you up

to be a summer school tutor!

-That's right, son. -What? Dad!

They told us that you're the only student qualified for the job.

Everyone else lacks your smartitude.

[laughs] Like dumb Riley and dumb Todd here.

But... but what about hanging out at the pool

and going to the beach and other fun stuff?

Oh, yes. Your father and I will enjoy doing that

while you're stuck inside tutoring.

Now, if you'll excuse us, we're going to brag about our smartest son

to his probation officer.

Isn't that great, Buzz?

-Now we get to spend our summer together. -Every day all summer in school.

You... you... you!

You two had better find a way to get rid of Miss Osbourne,

and you better do it fast, 'cause either she disappears, or you do.

We bow to your superior smartitude.

[hippo groans]

I'm gone for a week and my library is in shambles.

I'm almost glad Fleemco changed its mind about my book.

It'll be good to get this place back to normal.

Definitely. I hate to admit it,

but we need places for work as much as places for play.

Sorry, fellas.

[all muttering]

I just read a book.

Shush!

[announcer] The Fleemco company presents: Riley Daring on patience.

Patience is about staying with something even when it gets difficult.

Like the time I thought no one would pick me up after school.

That's the wrong footage.

That's still the wrong footage.

Heather, can we try this again?

OK, they're telling me they have cued up now.

Patience. Oh, come on, that's not even me.

Forget this. I'll be in my trailer.

[Dad] You need anything from the fridge?

[announcer] This has been Riley Daring on patience.