Original subtitles

hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome

to the third annual great los angeles

police

picnic

[Music]

hey august where's mcdonald i don't know

it's not my day to watch him he ought to

be on his way

look all i know is you told me the car

be ready to have fun

what tomorrow just need an oil change

how long can that take

yeah i'm mad if you saw when i was

driving you'd be mad too i had to borrow

some undercover car from the motor pool

okay let's play them all

[Applause]

got a butt kicking coming

in

riding a white dirt bike and wearing a

red plaid shirt

[Applause]

oh

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

hey

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

bring me home baby bring me home

[Applause]

i suspect

[Music]

[Music]

right

[Music]

are you okay mcdonald's fine

[Music]

ow you mean i'm out you're out

we got a car in the middle of the field

here man you're out of here

there should be some kind of automatic

timeout or something you're still here

come on

out of here we got a car sitting right

here in the middle of the field come on

i'm out

here out this

[Music]

so

[Music]

as you all know we had a string of uh

211s this week all using the same mo

three guys between five seven six feet

tall

black wearing jeans pendleton shirts

they go into a convenience store a

liquor mart they take out the

surveillance cameras

they shoot the clerk and then they blow

the safe using a grenade these are real

amateurs but they're dangerous

so i want the last incident to be just

that

the last incident as of this morning

we think the suspects are gang bangers

members of the frogtown brims

i'm going to double up shifts until

these guys are caught

porter lozinski ishem rodriguez

go down shake up frogtown let me know

what's going on down there

next streets of l.a

this is a half-hour reality-based tv

program they're going to follow a couple

of detectives around

and i need some volunteers

yeah right you got to be some kind of

fool to volunteer for that sort of stuff

captain captain august and i'll do it

mcdonald

good man you and brooks show him a good

time

and uh you two none of this hero crap

you follow the procedures by the book

and to the letter you understand

don't worry captain i'll cross the t's

personally good i'll see too

box this is gonna be fun for you maybe

not for me

you got to learn to be more sensitive to

your partner's needs i mean i wasn't no

you should have asked me first give my

regards to hollywood boys

uh just make sure they get your good

side see see what i mean

we are never gonna hear the end of this

oh hey guys maybe we should get some

pretty little earrings too

ignore him august i've never been on

television before

i remember i came close once candid

camera tried to convince me i was

breaking into my own car

i flipped my bad zone the whole gag fell

apart i never made it on television hey

hey

am i talking to a brick here your ego

has obviously blinded your ass as to

what i'm saying

i know what you're saying you do yeah

you're camera shy

i can understand that it used to be like

that myself

i am not camera shack it's just said i

am not interested

in lugging a couple of guys around with

me all day man our job is dangerous

enough as it is

hey captain oh you're donald brooks this

is chuck lauren producer of the streets

of l.a

hey hey guys how you doing the captain

here

says you two are the best men he's got

now i have a real

good feeling about this show and my

astrological chart backs me up too

oh my camera man uh bunch piercings guys

how's it going man this this is gonna be

a blast

yeah you know i think so too thanks

captain no problem

oh there's something wrong no captain

nothing is wrong

he's just camera shy huh

well they're all yours oh and uh

don't put him into any jeopardizing

situations

what's the jeopardizing situation oh

nothing he just doesn't want you guys to

get shot

oh cool he's new man i did a showdown in

miami whew

you should see the gunfights they got

down there and the ladies

id hey yo man they got lookers i mean

not like the women you got here but a

hell of a lot more friendly if you know

what i'm saying

huh well great let's get started all

right

now listen i want the real stuck i'm

going for reality the grit

the adrenaline just straightforward cop

jam okay

i wonder how many sick days i've got

[Music]

left

and all units in the vicinity respond to

a 211a

in progress code three walks market 418

lamida avenue hollywood

let's take it august this is 13

responding

211a that's a a robbery right arm

robbery in progress

when you're working robbery homicide

anything's possible look if it gets

rough you guys will have to bail out all

right

yeah no problem chase now which is your

best side

on that side yeah you know for profiles

man

let me see the other one

oh yeah look out

[Applause]

would you mind keeping your eyes on the

road sorry okay

now give me one of those real intense

looks

i need some coverage for when we get to

the robbery scene all right show me you

mean

business all right like this you got

that yeah that's cool

perfect perfect

oh man they locked us in that's the

police drop your weapons

stop my shoot you already did shoot

let's shoot again better make it good

you only got four rounds left

i still know that

these might be the liquor store guys i

only count two

okay on three all right

i hate it when you do that then what

is one and two not in your vocabulary

the only inside

there's only one way out of here

you know that ammo we were talking about

they got some that's right

[Music]

god get up you know what part of drop

your weapons didn't you understand huh

excellent dialogue chase excellent oh

yeah you like that

excuse me why don't i just arrest the

suspects honey you got things to do

oh thanks partner here you go

come on get out of here

august call an ambulance dude right

come on great human interest chase just

great are you okay

okay all right

everybody get back get back my man

i'm blowing this joint all right take it

back take it easy

yo man get the camera out of my face i'm

just doing my job man

well it's a stupid job all right get it

out of my face

what do you it's not a stupid job man

it's an important

let me out of job

[Music]

[Applause]

brilliant i love you chase mcdonald

you're gonna be a star that's it

cop star you're gonna be a cop star

cop star i kind of like that

[Music]

no no no no no i'm telling you this guy

is hot

i think we really got something here no

we're gonna stick with them for the rest

of the day

what i want you to do is get a runner up

here if we work fast

we can get a teaser ready for the six

o'clock spot

thanks for helping my uncle mister can i

have your autograph autograph

yeah sure kid what's your name bobby let

me make it to kim

who's kim my girlfriend aren't you a

little bit younger you having a

girlfriend

to kim chase

mcdonald there you go

thanks cool thanks chase

see that august cute little kid i think

he kind of looks at me like his hero

think he'll remember this moment when

he's my age

i doubt it but if i didn't know better

i'd say you weren't having a good time

really what makes you think that i'm

just sensitive those sort of things

i don't know i thought we were supposed

to be doing police work here

you know to protect and serve like it

says on the side of the car

we are doing that august chase this

stuff looks so unbelievable you're not

even going to believe it

oh yeah the stuff that we got the

coverage we got you where do you see

this where do you see this this is

nothing man

this happens all day long come on let's

go

i don't remember any of this from the

police manual

[Music]

leroy

see our shipments come in

[Music]

how are you my precious lady

what do you have for daddy

[Music]

who'd ever think about looking inside a

rock a geologist

nobody that's who

my friends in india haven't disappointed

me yet

unload all of it yeah balls

you going leroy huh oh

um i got to go home i've been up all

night i'm tired

see you in the morning yeah i'll see you

guys in the morning

[Music]

[Music]

there's something up with him

make sure he's staying straight last

thing i need right now is for some

crackhead to blow this deal

[Music]

all right

mr sinclair finds out i stole this man

he's gonna kill me

relax home somebody gonna know nothing

like you said

there's so much dope in his place he'd

never know we took a

taste well we best to make sure that

quality is under control

he line me up man hold up hold up

it's monk he's got one of the eggs

right

this is one william 13 in pursuit of a

211 suspect on foot heading east on

santa fe

suspect is a male caucasian

get out of the way

[Applause]

reporter and cameraman run over by angry

top details and drew some clips at

eleven

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

huh

[Music]

good job shoot that

through playing cops and robbers hmm uh

by the way i took the liberty of

arresting the suspect

reading his rights you know cop stuff

yeah we can cut that in later

chase i need to get a close-up of you

can't wait guys

good job partner thanks no no no no no

don't be concerned with me i mean you

got your public to worry about

come on turn the other way for the

camera good okay come on

absolutely great you got cut

that was fantastic i'm telling you you

could be somebody

oh yeah like who like uh cagney burt

reynolds clint eastwood

clint eastwood you really think so

definitely

hear that august clint eastwood

man this is the best flick i've ever had

[Music]

hi boys

what are you doing here why'd you

killing man ain't no [ __ ] here man

you talking about the dope man i got

this dope from my homeboy man i mean

his lady gave me the bread to buy it

your lady loaded that that she is

yeah you want some okay well no well

listen man i'll go down there and talk

to sinclair and straighten all this out

man i mean you know i don't want to lose

my java use

it's too late you're fine

[Music]

[Music]

ld 4 1 william 13 respond to a 187

643 maynard street

this is 1w13 responding 187 that's a

homicide sounds

hot hey somebody died there's nothing

hot about it hey you know you don't like

me do you

on the hit parade scale i'd say that

statement ranks about a 10.

oh come on august they're not doing

anything they've obstructed police work

they've been in your face all day

and they'll probably make us both look

like idiots like the media normally does

you know you sound a little bit bitter

yeah no doubt

you know we're not here to rack you guys

we're here to glorify the police

department and maybe just maybe

get you a little respect so how about

showing us some respect too huh

okey dokey one respect special coming up

mcdonald's

yeah right i'll take command of the

crime scene

well if it isn't cop star and his

entourage

you see in all this time i thought you

just looked funny what do you got

richardson

three stiffs leroy jackson june bug

taylor

and bones mcgee all shot to death looks

like narcotics residue on the table and

floor

looks like there was quite a struggle

too

excuse me chuck right yeah

chuck there are three rules to a crime

scene number one you writing this down

sure yeah number one don't touch

anything

number two don't touch anything number

three

don't touch anything okay i got it

sorry and uh

we found this

that's one hell of an egg

if my eastern studies served me

correctly i would say that was a

lingam if my eastern studies served me

correctly

it's a lingam what the hell is that

tantric lingam from india the body is

the male and the markings of the female

it's a

fertility symbol really maybe you and

kendra should try it

hey you don't have to publicize my sex

life okay

might not be a bad idea though officer

jones yes

make sure this gets logged okay

[Music]

well it may seem to you in a situation

like this that

i have absolutely no idea what to do but

as a detective i'm trained to see things

that the average person like yourself

might miss okay great thanks babe come

on

cutaways i need cutaways

you know we could leave now and they

would never know it

why would you want to do something like

that

can i help you

[Music]

are you all right

take care of her

[Music]

sorry guys

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

oh

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

uh

[Applause]

are you okay

no blood that's a good sign well i'm

glad you're okay because the suspect got

away

well i almost had him until you showed

up i almost turned you in the roadkill

pal

you almost had him i almost had him all

right until you decided to become evil

knievel

look what you did to our car captain's

not gonna like this at all

what i did to the car august look at

that car

when we fill out the police report who's

going down as the driver huh you ever

think about that

where's chuck um

here i decided to sit this one out

so where did you get the egg in the

books from the anthropology department

at ucla

it's unhealthy looking right it's a

lingam captain

it's like the one that was stolen from

the crime scene doing some research

you know it would have been nice if we

could have gotten a better look at that

damn thing

think this guy's our shooter i don't

know captain

one thing's for sure though the guy was

a pro

by the way you are totally my entire

fleet i'm running out of cars here

hey guys captain you get it

here to do our civic duty great here

present for you and kendra let's go take

a look at this huh

that's good that's good see that captain

what they're doing is they're hollowing

out the inside of these lingams

that's where they're stashed in the

cocaine i don't found traces of cocaine

on the table and on the floor

98 pure we need to find out more about

these lingams lucy might help us find

where they're coming from

oh oh oh oh the six o'clock teaser is on

can you get regular tv on this thing

sure it's channel nine all right

tune in tomorrow for another exciting

episode of streets of l.a

this week we'll ride along with

detectives chase mcdonald and august

brooks as they search for a killer that

murdered three men in this house

and left behind an unusual object

start talking what happened

i don't know what happened how was i

supposed to know they videotaped it i

got the egg back yeah you got it back

but they got the damn thing on video we

might as well just paint a sign that

says here it is

come and get it i'm the only one that

ships those friggin things

they come here i'm going to jail and

you're going with me

so what do you want me to do all i need

is till tomorrow night

and then we're out of here keep an eye

on those two cops

if they get wise let me know

mcdonald's and brooks sounds like a damn

food chain

[Music]

hey you talking to me

huh are you talking to me

are you talking to me huh

it's obvious you're talking to yourself

what are you doing

nothing i was just standing here

sounded like you're practicing your

lines all right cody

do you think i could be an actor i mean

how do i look

oh you look like a man with a big ego

joanie i'm being serious here

okay you'd have to lose a few pounds and

your hairline is receding

what where i'm joking

i like you just the way you are strong

and charming handsome

and lately a little bit difficult

i mean this whole tv thing you're

getting a little too pretentious don't

you think

you've been in here for an hour and you

have not

been sculpting i told you i was

practicing here

watch this you'll like this go ahead

make my day sweet huh

okay obviously you have some wild

fantasy you have to live out

so i'm just gonna go to bed what's wrong

nothing is wrong

i'm just worrying about you

goodnight chase you dirty rat

huh that was good don't you think what

are you doing

hmm what are you doing oh nothing it was

just

how do you think i'll maybe lose a few

pounds i understand that the camera puts

a few pounds on you what do you think

remember i'm on my cycle you know i was

thinking with the hype of the show and

all

i might even try my hand at acting i

mean it's something i've never done

before

what do you think about that i think you

have three minutes

and that's including foreplay

this wouldn't have something to do with

chase would it

you know maybe one of those male

competition things

you know maybe it does well

i think you are a movie star and i think

there's a boxing center full of kids

who'd agree with me

um that's why i love you so much

better not be the only reason

one minute and 40 seconds oh officer

brooks

reporting for duty ma'am oh officer

how kindly you help a stranger in need

you are a beautiful

[Music]

my shipment's coming in today so i need

your help on this hold up

i'm not dealing with you until you get

the heat off your back

what do you mean get the heat off my

back man i covered for you when you were

in the joint i'm not

dealing with you until you get the heat

off your back period

hey look i need those cops off and i

need them off

now that's your problem oh my problem

i'll kill them

that's cool it means a bigger percentage

for me

that comes off your hand man

so we cool we're cool

[Music]

the actor must use humdrum

everyday experiences that might seem

mundane to the average person

and expand them into larger-than-life

events

yeah right like the boring work we do

you know busting murder ones getting

shot at high speed car chases

this book is right up your alley hold on

right no yeah i'm a cop

now okay explain to me again exactly

what an agent does

yeah okay yeah yeah let's do lunch

right ciao

august you won't believe this this guy

thinks that i could get a three-picture

deal with a major studio if i'm packaged

right

you're making me ill is his head getting

bigger is that just my imagination

stick around by the end of the day we

can enter him in ripley's believe it or

not for the largest hat size

okay guys well i did some research on

this lingam

who's bringing these things in well

there's 14 retail outlets in southern

california but there's only one

distributor and that would be

interactive importers

i'd say we start there good at places in

it thanks a lot lucy

sure

let's go what are we on vacation here

move move

all right i got it i'll make a slick 2

million by midnight

and be sailing on the caribbean by

lunchtime tomorrow

ready let's go where's your entourage

okay obviously something's bothering you

you want to talk about it

okay it's so tall you're mad at me i'm

not mad at you

i just think you're being an ass you

sure you're not jealous

look we're partners right i'm a cop

you're a cop

no matter what anybody tells you or what

crazy idea you got this morning when you

were looking at yourself in the mirror

you're still a cop

damn good cop if i might say so i know

enough about you to be able to say that

so why don't you forget about this cop

star nonsense and get back to doing your

job

before you get us both killed

you wanna know something what

you might be right

can we go now don't you want to wait for

butch and um

what's his name they can catch up to us

come on partner

[Music]

mcdonald's and brooks are headed to the

warehouse damn it

i'm screwed i'm history maybe not it's

just the duo

just the two of them well let them come

because i got a surprise for them

what do you think looks harmless

that's what i don't like

hey august yeah have you ever gotten

that

i just walked into a trap and i'm about

ready to be ambushed feeling

funny you should ask cause i'm starting

to get that feeling about right now

on three three

hey august i think we may be on

something yeah what was your first hint

sherlock

well well well look what the easter

bunny left behind

must be a happy bunny about right now

so

oh

[Applause]

no no no no no i can't do it then i i

have my car my chiropractor

[Music]

come on that's our boys

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

this guy's really serious about getting

away august

are we really that serious about

catching him

so

[Music]

[Applause]

look to your left tell me whether the

car is on fire

we're on a ride at universal studios i

don't think so then we're on fire

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

ah

[Music]

so

[Music]

[Applause]

over here

i don't need this i do not need this

i tell you what you do that

i'll do this that's far enough come on

get off me

i need this shot i'm gonna tell you

again that's far enough get out of the

way

about

nice shot excuse me

ah get me out of here man listen before

i help you out of here

you want to tell me where those eggs are

going i ain't telling you squat

it's a problem here august doesn't want

to tell me where those eggs are going

that's not good not good i'd say this

car is going to blow in about

30 seconds about 30 seconds you can't

leave me in here man

25 seconds you know what i get better

things to do than watching car explore i

gotta go

all right talk to you later 20 seconds

you can't let me die listen chase you

know i really don't feel like being

barbecue either

you can't leave me in here man 15

seconds

you can't let me die 10 seconds

all right all right i'll tell you man

sinclair my man what's up chris my

friend

what you got for me oh

i love the smell of money

hey it's a pleasure doing business with

you hope we can do it again

i think that can definitely be arranged

for you for me

[Music]

[Applause]

hi guys hey you set me up you shut me up

you sent me you sent me a man

you're both wrong he set you up

come on turn around turn around

get up got him got him

take it easy man

[Music]

give me a hand with this all right yo

i'm there for you my man

well well what did you use the lingam i

gave you

yeah it felt like it was watching me the

whole time

well you know a little voyeurism never

hurt huh he got that right

cause we had some excellent sex

get out of here you didn't really use it

did you

hey you guys it's on

the streets of l.a a tough place to work

a tougher place to risk your life join

us as we chronicle

the proud true los angeles

police force this week we joined robbery

homicide detective chase mcdonald

and august brooks as they fight crime on

the streets of l.a

[Music]

first

[Applause]

the heroic officer brooks was quick to

arrest the suspect but the situation

soon turned into a hostage crisis

officer brooks was quick to save the day

[Applause]

although no police officer is the

equivalent of a comic book superhero

officer brooks always seems to be at the

right place at the right time

hey this isn't bad this is great

the next call we get is a multiple

homicide officer brooks is quick into

the thick of action

i'll take command of the crime scene i

have absolutely no idea what to do

if my eastern studies serve me correctly

i would say it's illegal

hey that was my line i said that but in

the end officer brooke

always gets his man i took the liberty

of arresting the suspect

ran his rights you know cop stuff

we thank robbery homicide detective

august brooks for his courage

strength and dedication to being the

best

yes the cream rises to the top

[Applause]

i still love you sweetheart

bye chase

step aside as i step into the spotlight

thank you very much ladies and gentlemen

still can't believe they did that

august i'm sorry if i acted like such a

prima donna hey

you're just lucky i'm such a nice guy

listen what do you say we don't let this

happen again

deal partner deal oh august

i wasn't going to tell you this but uh

looks pretty good up there on film

you know kind of like a cross between

denzel washington and lipsy russell

[Music]

you