All language subtitles for How To Stay Married s03e04.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,170 --> 00:00:03,529 (WHISPERS) Be the arrow. Be the arrow. 2 00:00:06,290 --> 00:00:08,289 - Be the arrow. Be the arrow. - (DOOR OPENS) 3 00:00:10,410 --> 00:00:11,489 Chloe! 4 00:00:11,530 --> 00:00:14,049 (CHATTER) 5 00:00:14,090 --> 00:00:16,049 - (GASPS) - Oh! 6 00:00:16,090 --> 00:00:17,449 Sorry. 7 00:00:17,490 --> 00:00:18,929 Future gold-medallist over here. 8 00:00:18,970 --> 00:00:20,649 - Careful! - Possibly bronze. 9 00:00:20,690 --> 00:00:22,889 Sophie! You made me miss my shot! 10 00:00:22,930 --> 00:00:25,329 Listen, you need to do something about Hannibal. He reeks. 11 00:00:25,370 --> 00:00:26,929 You reek like a butthole! 12 00:00:26,970 --> 00:00:28,529 - Chloe! - I'm serious. 13 00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:29,929 It's worse than normal. 14 00:00:32,410 --> 00:00:34,409 Nice shot, sweetie. 15 00:00:36,730 --> 00:00:38,329 (ALL GROAN) 16 00:00:38,370 --> 00:00:39,929 See what I mean? 17 00:00:39,970 --> 00:00:41,769 Yeah, it's gone up a notch. 18 00:00:41,810 --> 00:00:44,849 Don't worry, I'll give him a bubble bath as soon as he wakes up. 19 00:00:44,890 --> 00:00:46,769 He's been having a very long nap. 20 00:00:46,810 --> 00:00:49,409 Um, Chloe, how long has Hannibal been taking 21 00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:51,529 this particular long nap for? 22 00:00:51,570 --> 00:00:55,289 - Three days? - Three days?! 23 00:00:57,370 --> 00:00:58,849 Hannibal! 24 00:00:58,890 --> 00:01:01,569 Wake up, sleepyhead! 25 00:01:01,610 --> 00:01:03,449 Go on. 26 00:01:03,490 --> 00:01:05,129 Will he wake up? 27 00:01:05,170 --> 00:01:07,009 - Go, Greg. - No. 28 00:01:08,290 --> 00:01:09,809 - You do it. - No. 29 00:01:09,850 --> 00:01:13,609 - Get over there. - Oh. (SIGHS) 30 00:01:15,370 --> 00:01:17,889 Chloe, sweetheart... 31 00:01:19,970 --> 00:01:21,369 Hannibal is dead. 32 00:01:21,410 --> 00:01:23,289 Tired. 33 00:01:23,330 --> 00:01:27,049 He's dead tired. He's one tired turtle. 34 00:01:27,090 --> 00:01:28,889 - No. Chloe. - Oh. 35 00:01:28,930 --> 00:01:31,769 Hannibal is dead. 36 00:01:31,810 --> 00:01:34,489 Now, sweetheart, everyone dies. 37 00:01:34,530 --> 00:01:36,009 - That's... - Who wants ice-cream? 38 00:01:46,490 --> 00:01:48,769 Don't let it melt, Chlo. 39 00:01:48,810 --> 00:01:53,729 Or, maybe you just need a quiet moment to think about things? 40 00:01:53,770 --> 00:01:55,089 It's just... 41 00:01:55,130 --> 00:01:58,089 I'm never going to see Hannibal ever again. 42 00:01:59,770 --> 00:02:02,169 Of course you'll see Hannibal again. 43 00:02:02,210 --> 00:02:03,449 In heaven. 44 00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:05,249 - BOTH: Heaven? - Yes. 45 00:02:05,290 --> 00:02:09,489 Heaven is this awesome place we all go when we die, 46 00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:11,522 and the best part is you get to see 47 00:02:11,523 --> 00:02:13,929 all your favourite people from Earth, 48 00:02:13,970 --> 00:02:16,889 and they have unlimited ice-cream. 49 00:02:16,930 --> 00:02:20,449 But Hannibal isn't people. So, where does he go? 50 00:02:20,490 --> 00:02:22,249 - Well... - Turtle heaven. 51 00:02:22,290 --> 00:02:25,209 Made only for turtles. 52 00:02:25,250 --> 00:02:27,009 And it's turtley awesome. 53 00:02:27,050 --> 00:02:31,329 But if it's made only for turtles, then how can I go there and see him? 54 00:02:31,370 --> 00:02:34,529 You can get a visa, um, like a day pass. 55 00:02:34,570 --> 00:02:35,849 Yeah, yeah, yeah, a day pass. 56 00:02:35,890 --> 00:02:36,929 Greg, just... 57 00:02:36,970 --> 00:02:40,249 Like the time we went to Movie World for Sophie's birthday? 58 00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:41,449 Exactly! Exactly right. 59 00:02:41,490 --> 00:02:44,329 But the thing about turtle heaven, it's way better, 60 00:02:44,370 --> 00:02:46,529 and that's where Hannibal is right now, sweetie. 61 00:02:46,570 --> 00:02:48,449 And he's probably having a great big swim, 62 00:02:48,490 --> 00:02:50,969 and humping one of Mum's Mother's Day slippers. 63 00:02:51,010 --> 00:02:53,969 (LAUGHS) Yeah, that was funny when he did that. 64 00:02:54,010 --> 00:02:55,489 It was, wasn't it? 65 00:02:55,530 --> 00:02:57,369 Hey, let's watch the video again. 66 00:02:57,410 --> 00:02:59,089 No. It's funny. 67 00:02:59,130 --> 00:03:02,729 Hey, sweetheart, instead of focusing on Hannibal in turtle heaven, 68 00:03:02,770 --> 00:03:05,529 why don't we try focusing on saying goodbye 69 00:03:05,570 --> 00:03:08,329 to Hannibal here on planet Earth? 70 00:03:08,370 --> 00:03:11,609 We could have a funeral service this afternoon... 71 00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:13,369 - Do you know what that is? - Uh-uh. 72 00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:14,729 Well. 73 00:03:14,770 --> 00:03:16,969 It's like a... a big party, 74 00:03:17,010 --> 00:03:22,409 where everybody who loved Hannibal comes together to say goodbye. 75 00:03:22,450 --> 00:03:24,249 But not goodbye for long. 76 00:03:24,290 --> 00:03:26,809 Check this video out. Look at him go. 77 00:03:26,850 --> 00:03:29,009 - Whoa. - (TURTLE SQUEAKS) 78 00:03:29,050 --> 00:03:31,129 You should never wear that slipper again. 79 00:03:34,930 --> 00:03:37,089 So, Hannibal is in the freezer, 80 00:03:37,130 --> 00:03:39,169 where he should remain nice and fresh for his burial. 81 00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:40,249 Great! 82 00:03:40,290 --> 00:03:42,609 Oh, maybe you could take it one step further 83 00:03:42,650 --> 00:03:44,569 and have him cryogenically frozen 84 00:03:44,610 --> 00:03:46,889 so you will never have to say that he died. 85 00:03:46,930 --> 00:03:49,409 Oh. Em. 86 00:03:49,450 --> 00:03:52,049 Hey, we all miss Hannibal, yeah? 87 00:03:52,090 --> 00:03:55,609 The way he used to move slowly around the house, 88 00:03:55,650 --> 00:03:57,529 unless he was humping your slipper, of course, 89 00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,729 then he really... he really found a second gear, didn't he? 90 00:03:59,770 --> 00:04:02,209 Oh, Greg, this is not about Hannibal being gone. 91 00:04:02,250 --> 00:04:06,329 This is about whatever that display was from you to Chloe. 92 00:04:06,370 --> 00:04:09,529 Um, Em, this is obviously a stage of grief you are going through, 93 00:04:09,570 --> 00:04:11,249 and that's... that is OK. 94 00:04:11,290 --> 00:04:15,089 This stage of grief appears to be where you are weirdly unimpressed 95 00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:17,969 with your husband's efforts to stop our daughter from crying. 96 00:04:18,010 --> 00:04:21,129 But there's nothing wrong with crying in a situation like this. 97 00:04:21,170 --> 00:04:22,969 Did you never have a pet die? 98 00:04:23,010 --> 00:04:24,049 No. 99 00:04:24,090 --> 00:04:26,969 All of my pets ran away to the farm in the middle of the night. 100 00:04:27,010 --> 00:04:28,089 I got lucky. 101 00:04:28,130 --> 00:04:29,868 Oh, my gosh, you have never been able to deal with 102 00:04:29,873 --> 00:04:31,609 death and we have never been able to talk about it. 103 00:04:31,650 --> 00:04:33,889 I'm sorry I like to focus more on life, Em. 104 00:04:33,930 --> 00:04:36,489 I didn't realise you were so fascinated with death, 105 00:04:36,530 --> 00:04:39,089 I'm starting to think 'Em' may be short for 'Emo'. 106 00:04:39,130 --> 00:04:41,089 Emo-Em. 107 00:04:41,130 --> 00:04:42,209 (SCOFFS) 108 00:04:42,250 --> 00:04:44,329 You know, if I died tomorrow... 109 00:04:44,370 --> 00:04:45,689 That's literally never going to happen. 110 00:04:45,730 --> 00:04:49,689 No, but hypothetically, if I got hit by a bus and I died... 111 00:04:49,730 --> 00:04:51,489 I've seen you cross the road and you're very good at it. 112 00:04:51,530 --> 00:04:55,929 IF I died, what kind of funeral would I want? 113 00:04:57,610 --> 00:04:59,649 - A nice one. - Yeah. 114 00:05:00,970 --> 00:05:02,969 Let me know when you figure it out. 115 00:05:03,010 --> 00:05:05,049 And that's if you can bring yourself to go there. 116 00:05:06,970 --> 00:05:08,889 Just don't die tomorrow! 117 00:05:08,930 --> 00:05:09,930 It's a win-win! 118 00:05:15,730 --> 00:05:17,289 Hey, Chlo. 119 00:05:17,330 --> 00:05:19,609 You know, I'm sorry that I said that Hannibal stunk. 120 00:05:19,650 --> 00:05:22,969 It's OK. I guess turtles stink when they die. 121 00:05:23,010 --> 00:05:24,010 I think we all do. 122 00:05:27,890 --> 00:05:31,449 Hey, Soph, do you believe in heaven? 123 00:05:33,410 --> 00:05:36,609 Um, you know, I'm not really sure. 124 00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:40,929 'Cause, if there is a heaven, then there's probably hell, 125 00:05:40,970 --> 00:05:42,369 and hell sounds pretty yuck. 126 00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:44,009 What's hell? 127 00:05:44,050 --> 00:05:46,609 It's a place we go after you die if you're a bad person. 128 00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:47,689 Like a murderer? 129 00:05:47,730 --> 00:05:51,369 Yeah, or that girl on the bus who puts her feet on the seats. 130 00:05:51,410 --> 00:05:54,609 You know, either way, they're probably not real, Chloe. 131 00:05:54,650 --> 00:05:58,409 Can't anyone tell me where Hannibal's really gone? 132 00:06:07,610 --> 00:06:09,449 (SIGHS) Your wedding dress. 133 00:06:10,610 --> 00:06:12,009 I'm sorry? 134 00:06:12,050 --> 00:06:14,449 You want to be buried in your wedding dress. 135 00:06:14,490 --> 00:06:18,089 You want everyone be wearing a splash of red 136 00:06:18,130 --> 00:06:21,609 and you want Billy Joel's The Piano Man playing at the church service. 137 00:06:21,650 --> 00:06:23,209 Wow. 138 00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:26,129 That's... not even close! 139 00:06:26,170 --> 00:06:29,169 Wrong Billy Joel song? Um... 140 00:06:29,210 --> 00:06:30,449 We Didn't Start The Fire. 141 00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:32,009 That's closer. 142 00:06:32,050 --> 00:06:34,049 Not Uptown Girl? I mean, that's more Christie Brinkley, 143 00:06:34,090 --> 00:06:35,090 so, it would be a bit weird. 144 00:06:35,130 --> 00:06:37,209 Oh, Greg, I want to be cremated. 145 00:06:37,250 --> 00:06:40,649 (LAUGHS) Cremated?! What do you mean, cremated? 146 00:06:40,690 --> 00:06:44,169 Well, I mean, I don't care who starts the fire, 147 00:06:44,210 --> 00:06:46,609 so long as they do, and I'm in it. 148 00:06:46,650 --> 00:06:50,249 But, Em, we are going to be buried together. 149 00:06:50,290 --> 00:06:51,889 That's always been the plan. 150 00:06:51,930 --> 00:06:53,249 What plan? 151 00:06:53,290 --> 00:06:54,689 Why would you even think that? 152 00:06:54,730 --> 00:06:56,929 Because who would want to go up in flames like that? 153 00:06:56,970 --> 00:06:58,409 What a horrible experience. 154 00:06:58,450 --> 00:07:01,169 Oh, yeah, like I would rather be stuck in a box 155 00:07:01,210 --> 00:07:02,889 with little worms eating at my flesh. 156 00:07:02,930 --> 00:07:04,409 That... that sounds really lovely. 157 00:07:04,450 --> 00:07:07,489 OK, Em, you can't be the only Butler not buried in the family plot. 158 00:07:07,530 --> 00:07:09,249 - It'd be weird. - Come on, Greg. 159 00:07:09,290 --> 00:07:11,369 It's just, it's not a big deal to me, OK? 160 00:07:11,410 --> 00:07:14,249 Em, I can't believe you're saying this. 161 00:07:14,290 --> 00:07:15,929 We're Catholics, for God sake. 162 00:07:17,050 --> 00:07:19,529 Are we? (LAUGHS) 163 00:07:19,570 --> 00:07:23,209 That's funny! Ha-ha-ha. 164 00:07:26,050 --> 00:07:28,249 (KNOCKS ON DOOR) 165 00:07:32,650 --> 00:07:36,009 I came as soon I could. 166 00:07:36,050 --> 00:07:39,929 Oh, I had to leave a Zoom call with Peter Fitzsimmons, he's in a tiz. 167 00:07:39,970 --> 00:07:42,809 Running out of Australian history to write about. 168 00:07:42,850 --> 00:07:46,929 Have you ever seen a six foot eight man in a red bandanna weeping? 169 00:07:46,970 --> 00:07:50,249 It is unbecoming! 170 00:07:50,290 --> 00:07:53,769 Audrey, can you tell me where Hannibal's gone? 171 00:07:53,810 --> 00:07:55,889 That depends. 172 00:07:55,930 --> 00:07:58,249 Where do you keep your glasses? 173 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,769 I'm so sorry, Chloe. 174 00:08:05,810 --> 00:08:08,289 I didn't really get to know Hannibal, 175 00:08:08,330 --> 00:08:11,129 on account of him being a turtle and me being a grown woman, 176 00:08:11,170 --> 00:08:14,329 but I can see the fondness you had for him. 177 00:08:14,370 --> 00:08:18,849 And the worst part is, nobody can tell me what happens to Hannibal now. 178 00:08:18,890 --> 00:08:21,649 Is he in turtle heaven or turtle hell? 179 00:08:21,690 --> 00:08:23,009 Or turtle purgatory. 180 00:08:23,050 --> 00:08:26,049 When it comes to the afterlife, it's hard to know. 181 00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:28,449 But different religions have different ideas. 182 00:08:28,490 --> 00:08:31,289 - So, not everyone believes in heaven? - Oh, no. 183 00:08:31,330 --> 00:08:34,249 The Hindus and Buddhists believe in reincarnation. 184 00:08:34,290 --> 00:08:37,489 That's where you come back after you die. 185 00:08:37,530 --> 00:08:40,209 So, I could see Hannibal again? 186 00:08:40,250 --> 00:08:43,849 Yes, but he wouldn't be Hannibal as you know him, 187 00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:47,649 he could be a plant or a bear or Rutger Hauer. 188 00:08:47,690 --> 00:08:49,489 Or a shark? 189 00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:50,689 Why not? 190 00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:53,329 Then there's Judaism, which believes the Messiah 191 00:08:53,370 --> 00:08:56,889 will arrive and we'll rise again at once. 192 00:08:56,930 --> 00:08:59,089 - Like a big party? - With an open bar, I hope. 193 00:08:59,130 --> 00:09:02,209 Further back, you have the Ancient Egyptians, who were all about 194 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,609 ripping out your heart and weighing it 195 00:09:04,650 --> 00:09:07,489 while a dog-headed God judges you. 196 00:09:07,530 --> 00:09:11,769 Or was that last New Year's Eve on Zoe Foster Blake's yacht? 197 00:09:11,810 --> 00:09:13,609 Ha! 198 00:09:18,570 --> 00:09:21,889 Greg, I'm sorry I laughed, but, we're not proper Catholics. 199 00:09:21,930 --> 00:09:25,169 I don't know why this is a surprise, Em, we got married in the church, 200 00:09:25,210 --> 00:09:26,689 our kids are baptised. 201 00:09:26,730 --> 00:09:28,729 See, I thought that those things were about 202 00:09:28,770 --> 00:09:32,329 keeping our families happy and getting the kids into good schools. 203 00:09:32,370 --> 00:09:34,209 - (SIGHS) - Oh, Greg, come on. 204 00:09:34,250 --> 00:09:36,249 We are not practising Catholics. 205 00:09:36,290 --> 00:09:39,209 - We blaspheme all the time. - Yeah! 206 00:09:39,250 --> 00:09:42,769 And when we do, I feel guilty - like a good Catholic! 207 00:09:42,810 --> 00:09:45,689 Then why do we only go to church once a year at Christmas? 208 00:09:45,730 --> 00:09:47,169 We didn't even go last year. 209 00:09:47,210 --> 00:09:48,849 That's because there were roadworks 210 00:09:48,890 --> 00:09:51,889 and it probably would have been impossible to get a car park. 211 00:09:51,930 --> 00:09:53,729 Mm. 212 00:09:57,250 --> 00:09:59,569 AUDREY: The truth is, Chloe, 213 00:09:59,610 --> 00:10:03,729 nobody really knows what happens in the afterlife. 214 00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:07,169 And while I'm always hesitant to praise your mother, 215 00:10:07,210 --> 00:10:09,689 she's right about one thing: 216 00:10:09,730 --> 00:10:14,369 the funeral ritual is of the utmost importance. 217 00:10:14,410 --> 00:10:16,049 Why? 218 00:10:16,090 --> 00:10:18,529 It's your last chance to dazzle everyone on Earth. 219 00:10:18,570 --> 00:10:20,689 I've left instructions for my own death. 220 00:10:20,730 --> 00:10:26,529 A horse-drawn carriage through the city with cherubs leading the way. 221 00:10:27,770 --> 00:10:30,969 The 'cherubs' are a male underwear models who've had wings attached. 222 00:10:31,010 --> 00:10:34,169 Yes! It's going to be quite special. 223 00:10:34,210 --> 00:10:37,449 I want Hannibal's service to be very special. 224 00:10:42,730 --> 00:10:47,009 How much do you know about Vikings? 225 00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:54,049 Alright, alright. We may not be MVP Catholics, Em, 226 00:10:54,090 --> 00:10:55,609 but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try. 227 00:10:55,650 --> 00:10:58,609 It's how Brad and I were raised. 228 00:10:58,650 --> 00:11:01,329 I guess Brad will be buried with us too, then? 229 00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:04,409 But, will he be on top of you or on top of me? 230 00:11:04,450 --> 00:11:05,849 I guess we'll all fit if we spoon, 231 00:11:05,890 --> 00:11:10,289 - and then we can throw in Terry and Marlo... - It's not an orgy, Em. 232 00:11:10,330 --> 00:11:13,449 I mean, these traditions exist within families for a reason. 233 00:11:13,490 --> 00:11:16,009 Without them, people can get lost 234 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:18,129 and then it's a slippery slope into who knows what. 235 00:11:18,170 --> 00:11:19,170 Mum, Dad! 236 00:11:19,210 --> 00:11:22,089 We're going to celebrate death by setting Hannibal on fire 237 00:11:22,130 --> 00:11:23,809 and sending him out with a bang! 238 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,329 Oh, how I love a good bang! 239 00:11:26,370 --> 00:11:28,889 - Oh. - Bang! Boom! 240 00:11:35,370 --> 00:11:38,889 Since when did medieval re-enactments become a stage of grief? 241 00:11:38,930 --> 00:11:42,129 Greg, if you're constantly going to be referring to the stages of grief, 242 00:11:42,170 --> 00:11:43,689 maybe you should learn what they are first. 243 00:11:43,730 --> 00:11:46,289 And, look, just take a look. 244 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:48,209 Everybody is working together. 245 00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:51,129 You know, I'm ordering some pizzas for lunch. 246 00:11:51,170 --> 00:11:52,529 Audrey's drinking Scotch. 247 00:11:52,570 --> 00:11:54,169 Mud on your eye. 248 00:11:54,210 --> 00:11:56,849 Just don't you think it's weird that we're about to send Chloe's 249 00:11:56,890 --> 00:11:59,849 dead pet turtle down a river in a fiery raft 250 00:11:59,890 --> 00:12:01,969 made of Barney Banana sticks? 251 00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:03,169 ALL: No. 252 00:12:03,210 --> 00:12:05,329 I mean, we don't even know if Chloe can make the shot. 253 00:12:05,370 --> 00:12:07,169 I can make the shot. 254 00:12:07,210 --> 00:12:09,009 You know, I actually think it's pretty cool. 255 00:12:09,050 --> 00:12:11,929 If they did still did it for humans, that might be something I'd like. 256 00:12:11,970 --> 00:12:13,649 I'm having a Viking funeral. 257 00:12:13,690 --> 00:12:16,209 Nobody here is having a funeral any time soon. 258 00:12:16,250 --> 00:12:18,329 Or ever, if I have anything to do with it. 259 00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:19,569 Gee, Greg. 260 00:12:19,610 --> 00:12:22,649 You really know how to put the 'fun' into funeral. 261 00:12:22,690 --> 00:12:23,690 Why is she here? 262 00:12:23,730 --> 00:12:25,529 - (DOORBELL RINGS) - Pizzas. 263 00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:26,769 I'll get that. 264 00:12:26,810 --> 00:12:30,289 - Who else did you invite, Chlo? - No-one. 265 00:12:32,250 --> 00:12:35,489 Oh, Father Michael. Thank God you're here. 266 00:12:35,530 --> 00:12:38,489 We're having a little crisis-of-faith situation. 267 00:12:38,530 --> 00:12:40,529 Oh, it's been so long. 268 00:12:40,570 --> 00:12:42,729 I haven't seen you since Christmas! 269 00:12:42,770 --> 00:12:44,729 The Christmas before! 270 00:12:44,770 --> 00:12:48,489 Sometimes I sit down the back, to be closer to the toilets. 271 00:12:48,530 --> 00:12:50,289 Oh, of course! 272 00:12:50,330 --> 00:12:52,409 Hello, Emily. 273 00:12:52,450 --> 00:12:54,329 Oh, F-Father... 274 00:12:54,370 --> 00:12:56,489 Michael. 275 00:12:56,530 --> 00:12:58,129 Father Michael, the priest... 276 00:12:58,170 --> 00:12:59,369 From our church. 277 00:12:59,410 --> 00:13:00,769 What are you doing... ? 278 00:13:00,810 --> 00:13:02,969 Thank you both for inviting me for lunch. 279 00:13:03,010 --> 00:13:05,409 I was just reminiscing how, when I was growing up, 280 00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:07,929 how comforting it was when Father Julian would come over 281 00:13:07,970 --> 00:13:09,809 to the house for a Sunday lunch. 282 00:13:09,850 --> 00:13:11,929 Which you've never mentioned to me, once. 283 00:13:11,970 --> 00:13:16,169 Yeah, well, you know, 30 years ago, the very thought of a house visit 284 00:13:16,210 --> 00:13:19,769 for a deceased turtle would appear ludicrous! 285 00:13:19,810 --> 00:13:22,129 Ah, but, times change. 286 00:13:22,170 --> 00:13:23,609 Here we are. 287 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:26,529 - Come on in, come on in, Father. - Come in. 288 00:13:26,570 --> 00:13:28,329 Sorry, where are our manners? 289 00:13:40,770 --> 00:13:44,329 Oh, that is a nice red! 290 00:13:44,370 --> 00:13:47,289 Perhaps, Father Michael, you would like to say grace? 291 00:13:47,330 --> 00:13:49,929 Offer a few words to help our family heal 292 00:13:49,970 --> 00:13:52,409 and perhaps guide us through this difficult time? 293 00:13:52,450 --> 00:13:56,369 No. I would not... like to say grace. 294 00:13:56,410 --> 00:13:59,849 I would prefer to rap it! 295 00:13:59,890 --> 00:14:01,049 Hahahaha. 296 00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:03,569 Voom-vita-voom, vita-voom-voom-voom. 297 00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:04,969 I have no idea what's going on. 298 00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:07,489 I am Father Michael, and I'm here to say, 299 00:14:07,530 --> 00:14:09,969 blessed are the pizzas that we're eating today, 300 00:14:10,010 --> 00:14:12,289 made with love by Greg and Em, 301 00:14:12,330 --> 00:14:15,329 and to them we say boom, boom, amen. 302 00:14:15,370 --> 00:14:18,369 Do we have an amen? 303 00:14:18,410 --> 00:14:20,569 ALL: Amen. 304 00:14:22,210 --> 00:14:25,209 And they say male white priests can't rap, eh? 305 00:14:25,250 --> 00:14:27,929 Certainly can't remember Father Julian doing that. 306 00:14:27,970 --> 00:14:30,129 Well, you know, you have to keep up with the times. 307 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:34,689 Did you know Hillsong released three TikTak videos this week? 308 00:14:34,730 --> 00:14:37,089 - Oh! - How wonderful is that? 309 00:14:37,130 --> 00:14:40,049 So, you're keeping up with modern trends, 310 00:14:40,090 --> 00:14:41,849 but keeping the Catholic tradition alive? 311 00:14:41,890 --> 00:14:44,569 Hey, Father, why doesn't the church allow female priests? 312 00:14:44,610 --> 00:14:48,289 Soph, we don't talk about religion at the table. 313 00:14:48,330 --> 00:14:50,049 Dad, he's literally a priest. 314 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,809 That's a good point. I have a question. 315 00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:55,049 As Catholics, should we, A: be buried? 316 00:14:55,090 --> 00:14:56,849 Or B: buried together? 317 00:14:58,050 --> 00:14:59,489 Well, I don't know. 318 00:14:59,530 --> 00:15:01,369 Each to their own, I suppose. 319 00:15:01,410 --> 00:15:04,329 "Each to their own"? 320 00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:07,569 Well, the Bible doesn't demand that. 321 00:15:07,610 --> 00:15:11,289 And quite frankly, our graveyard is almost full. 322 00:15:11,330 --> 00:15:13,809 And you know what they say. 323 00:15:13,850 --> 00:15:16,409 They're absolutely killing to get into it. 324 00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:21,529 Oh, no, no, no... That's, they're dying to get in. 325 00:15:21,570 --> 00:15:24,249 F... Father Michael, are you sure? 326 00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:27,489 Oh, yes, it is dying to get in. Yeah. 327 00:15:27,530 --> 00:15:29,654 - Father Michael... - I think that Father Michael 328 00:15:29,655 --> 00:15:32,400 - has answered your question. - Yeah, just to clarify... 329 00:15:32,401 --> 00:15:35,170 Father Michael, did you know we're going to say goodbye to Hannibal 330 00:15:35,171 --> 00:15:39,569 by shooting a flaming arrow into a boat made of icy pole sticks? 331 00:15:39,610 --> 00:15:42,010 Here is a question. What is the Catholic Church's stance 332 00:15:42,011 --> 00:15:44,749 - on Viking funerals? - Dad! 333 00:15:45,490 --> 00:15:49,729 May Hannibal's passage to Valhalla be a smooth one. 334 00:15:52,370 --> 00:15:53,889 Excuse me. 335 00:15:53,930 --> 00:15:59,209 You have a compelling energy about you, I'm not sure what it is. 336 00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,129 Was it the rap? 337 00:16:01,170 --> 00:16:05,009 Absolutely not. That was appalling. 338 00:16:06,010 --> 00:16:08,609 How would you feel about writing a memoir? 339 00:16:08,650 --> 00:16:10,049 Um... 340 00:16:10,090 --> 00:16:12,929 You know, Catholic priests are very hot right now. 341 00:16:12,970 --> 00:16:16,329 Very in. The Fleabag effect. 342 00:16:16,370 --> 00:16:18,729 Well, yes, I'm quite familiar. 343 00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:21,929 Our attendance has spiked after the second season, 344 00:16:21,970 --> 00:16:24,769 but then, eh, it fell away. 345 00:16:24,810 --> 00:16:26,649 You may read from the Good Book, Father, 346 00:16:26,690 --> 00:16:30,329 but maybe it's time you wrote a GREAT one! 347 00:16:30,370 --> 00:16:32,249 Oh. 348 00:16:47,890 --> 00:16:49,449 (SIGHS) What are you doing? 349 00:16:49,490 --> 00:16:50,849 I just needed some time to think. 350 00:16:50,890 --> 00:16:54,649 What, about how you invited a random priest for lunch? 351 00:16:54,690 --> 00:16:57,369 He's not... he's not random, Em. 352 00:16:57,410 --> 00:16:58,689 He's our priest. 353 00:16:58,730 --> 00:17:00,609 Not a very helpful one, though. 354 00:17:00,650 --> 00:17:04,129 I mean, when the Bible does it say, "Each to their own"? 355 00:17:04,170 --> 00:17:08,569 Not in Corinthians, or in... the other ones. 356 00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:11,409 You know, Greg, instead of thinking of yourself 357 00:17:11,450 --> 00:17:14,489 as the most religious man since You Know Who, 358 00:17:14,530 --> 00:17:16,969 try thinking about how you've made 359 00:17:17,010 --> 00:17:20,729 a really difficult day for Chloe all about you. 360 00:17:21,770 --> 00:17:23,449 - Em... - (ZIPS UP TENT) 361 00:17:23,490 --> 00:17:25,249 Em... 362 00:17:26,610 --> 00:17:28,769 (SIGHS) 363 00:17:28,890 --> 00:17:32,649 Oh, I've got enough stories to fill a book. 364 00:17:32,690 --> 00:17:34,809 Yes, that would be the aim. 365 00:17:34,850 --> 00:17:40,849 The visit to the Vatican in 1976 springs to mind. 366 00:17:40,890 --> 00:17:45,569 You would never guess who I had a one-on-one conversation with. 367 00:17:45,610 --> 00:17:47,249 The Pope? 368 00:17:47,290 --> 00:17:50,489 No, I didn't. Oh! Imagine, eh? No. 369 00:17:50,530 --> 00:17:56,769 I randomly bumped into Marcia Hines. 370 00:17:56,810 --> 00:17:58,729 Mm? 371 00:17:58,770 --> 00:18:01,129 We stood there like two old friends, 372 00:18:01,170 --> 00:18:04,409 just chatting away for at least, what, two minutes? 373 00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:05,529 Heh! 374 00:18:05,570 --> 00:18:08,289 Oh, dear. Memories... 375 00:18:19,570 --> 00:18:22,089 What to wear to a Viking funeral? 376 00:18:23,890 --> 00:18:26,689 I didn't mean to make today all about me. 377 00:18:27,970 --> 00:18:29,249 I, um... I just don't know. 378 00:18:29,290 --> 00:18:32,969 I-I, finding out we're not on the same page with our family traditions 379 00:18:33,010 --> 00:18:34,529 has kind of really freaked me out. 380 00:18:34,570 --> 00:18:39,049 Greg, it's OK if we're not on the same page about everything. 381 00:18:39,090 --> 00:18:41,809 I know. But this is an important page, Em. 382 00:18:41,850 --> 00:18:44,249 I understand if you don't want to watch test cricket with me 383 00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:45,769 for five days, but... I get that. 384 00:18:45,810 --> 00:18:48,129 I have a theory. 385 00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:49,649 Do you want to hear it? 386 00:18:49,690 --> 00:18:51,769 - Four day tests? - No. 387 00:18:51,810 --> 00:18:55,929 Not Marlo's one that Katy Perry is actually JonBenet Ramsey? 388 00:18:55,970 --> 00:18:58,089 That... that does not add up on so many levels. 389 00:18:58,130 --> 00:18:59,449 - No. - No. 390 00:18:59,490 --> 00:19:04,889 No, my theory is, well, that your born-again Catholicism, 391 00:19:04,930 --> 00:19:08,449 it has very little to do with religion or family tradition 392 00:19:08,490 --> 00:19:11,769 or what happens to our remains... 393 00:19:11,810 --> 00:19:13,889 ... and more to do with loss. 394 00:19:13,930 --> 00:19:16,049 I think it's a fear of being separated 395 00:19:16,090 --> 00:19:20,009 from those you love the most, which is me and the girls. 396 00:19:22,490 --> 00:19:24,969 A bit up yourself, aren't you? 397 00:19:25,010 --> 00:19:27,569 (LAUGHS) Am I wrong? 398 00:19:29,170 --> 00:19:31,569 No. No. 399 00:19:31,610 --> 00:19:34,929 Being separated from you and the girls for all of eternity, 400 00:19:34,970 --> 00:19:37,209 that is my idea of hell. 401 00:19:37,250 --> 00:19:42,569 And I wish I could talk about this stuff the way you do. 402 00:19:45,370 --> 00:19:47,569 It freaks me out too. 403 00:19:49,130 --> 00:19:52,569 I just... I deal with it better by wanting to talk about it. It's... 404 00:19:54,090 --> 00:19:56,729 OK. OK. 405 00:19:56,770 --> 00:20:00,209 Just don't die any time soon, yeah? 406 00:20:00,250 --> 00:20:02,689 Not today, not tomorrow, not next week, not ever. 407 00:20:02,730 --> 00:20:04,369 Just don't die ever. 408 00:20:04,410 --> 00:20:06,169 Just don't die. 409 00:20:06,210 --> 00:20:08,609 Well, I'll do my very best. 410 00:20:08,650 --> 00:20:11,129 OK. Deal. 411 00:20:13,970 --> 00:20:20,209 Now... how about wearing your suit to a turtle Viking funeral? 412 00:20:20,250 --> 00:20:23,449 Oh, I think we can do better than that! 413 00:20:31,940 --> 00:20:35,419 Well, Butlers, in keeping with Viking tradition, 414 00:20:35,460 --> 00:20:38,859 we have filled Hannibal's vessel with all the things he needs 415 00:20:38,900 --> 00:20:44,139 to satisfy his turtle desires in Valhalla. 416 00:20:44,180 --> 00:20:48,859 So, mainly minced meatballs and one of Mum's slippers. 417 00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:50,499 Shall we watch the video? 418 00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:51,659 It was pretty funny, wasn't it? 419 00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:52,859 Yeah, probably... probably not. 420 00:20:55,660 --> 00:20:57,259 Let's do this, Chlo. 421 00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:59,399 Just be really careful. 422 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:17,159 (AULD LANG SYNE PLAYS ON BAGPIPES) 423 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:23,879 Hannibal, nobody has been able to tell me exactly where you're going, 424 00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,839 but that's OK, because you'll get to find out 425 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:30,879 what happens when we die before we do, which is pretty cool. 426 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,719 I'm sad you're gone, but you're not really gone, 427 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,959 because you'll always be in my heart. 428 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:41,479 That was perfect, Chlo. 429 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:42,520 Hey, sweetheart... 430 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:46,879 ... are you, uh, are you sure you can do this? 431 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:48,559 OK. 432 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:01,679 - Careful. - I will. 433 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:02,759 Got it? 434 00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:04,639 Remember, Chlo, close enough is good enough. 435 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:06,199 Just do your best. 436 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:15,759 Be the arrow. Be the arrow. Be the arrow. Be the arrow. 437 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:23,800 Be the arrow. 438 00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:34,159 - Yes! Give the girl a gold now. - You got it! 439 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,359 Woo-hoo-hoo! 440 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:37,599 No. 441 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:47,399 (AULD LANG SYNE PLAYS MOURNFULLY) 442 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,679 Vale, Hannibal. 443 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,199 ALL: Vale, Hannibal. 444 00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:18,919 Did I ever tell about the famous squash ball in the glove story? 445 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:20,439 Yep. A couple of times. 446 00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:24,439 Online etiquette for men is the topic du jour today, Greggles. 447 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:26,199 And I believe you've had quite the run-in? 448 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:29,119 Well, I wouldn't quite call it a run-in, Tez. 449 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:32,239 Well, these are not all of mine. 450 00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:33,759 They literally have your name on them. 451 00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:36,039 How did they get in? This is supposed to be a private portal. 452 00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:37,639 We've been hacked, Greg. 453 00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:38,919 - Say "breathe." - (SHUTTER CLICKS) 34472

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.