Original subtitles

Previously on The L Word: Generation Q...

Sophie Suarez, will you marry me?

-[Sophie] Yes. Yes. Yes. -[Alice] Why are you hanging out

-at a sports bar? -I bought it.

And I'm gonna make it a gay bar again.

Can I trust you to run this place?

[Tess] You fucked my girlfriend,

and you want to know if you can trust me?

[Shane] I hope I can make it up to you one day.

You jeopardized the campaign.

I'm painfully aware of that fact.

Angie called me.

Is there a part of you

that still wants her? You can tell me.

[Nat] I want you and her.

[Shane] So, you're a throuple now?

[Finley] She's, like, a super cold hot lady.

[Sophie] You know who else is hot?

-Bette Porter. -[Dani] You can't deny

that she's special.

-I want you to talk to me. -I don't have anything to say!

Carrie asked me to marry her,

-and I said yes. -Congratulations.

[Grace] Have you told that sweet boy

that you love him yet? 'Cause he loves you, too.

[Finley] You should've been there for her today.

-She really needed you. -[Dani] She knows

I'm fucking tapped out right now.

I-I'm giving her all I've got.

[Bette] Are you sad about her getting married?

[Angie] Yeah. A part of me

always hoped that you two

would get back together.

Please, don't go.

You have a really wonderful daughter,

and I love spending time with her.

[newsman] Jeff Milner will be the next mayor.

-[Bette] What are those? -[Shane] Divorce papers.

[Quiara] You're incapable of loving

anyone but your fucking self.

-[Macklin whines] -[Nat] You tried

to make it work with my ex-wife

because you thought it would make me happy.

-I love you. -Just me?

[Nat] Just you.

-[Scott] You must be a new fan. -Yeah. I'm Micah.

-I'm José's husband. -[Rodolfo] I'm afraid

when things get hard, she's gonna leave you

because, uh, that's what she knows.

[Dani] Dad, we love each other.

-And we're good together. -[moans]

-Are you gonna tell Dani? -[Sophie] No.

-It's never gonna happen again. -Let's get married.

You've always wanted to go to Hawaii.

We can go tomorrow.

I'm going home. To Missouri.

My flight's tonight.

[Sophie] You're my person.

You're, like, the best part of my day.

I love the shit out of you.

[Finley] I love you, too, man.

[Dani] I just want to be your wife.

But I'll always be here for you.

upbeat pop music

[attendant] Welcome you to board

our nonstop flight to Kansas City.

Final boarding call for flight 1256 to Honolulu.

[Dani] And I love you.

I love you so much.

Help me, I don't know how to begin

Never thought that I would let you in

But you're the one I choose

I belong with you

So if you love me, let me know

We don't have to fall so fast

Take it slow

Unless you want to hold me close

We can make a good thing last

Don't let go

You know perfect is impossible

But you got me hoping

If the world is burning down

You're the one I'm holding

Don't let go

There you are.

[Sophie] Hi.

-Oh, my God. Wow. -[chuckles]

You look so beautiful.

[chuckles]

Um, so do you. You look amazing.

Come on.

[Rodolfo] Well, first of all, I know I speak

for everyone in this room when I say that we are so happy

you didn't get married in Hawaii.

-[laughter] -Because

we would hate to have missed this magic moment.

The more I know Sophie,

-the more impressed I am... -[woman whoops]

...by her generosity, her integrity.

[people murmuring quietly]

You all know how much I love mi hija.

The most important thing to me is Dani's happiness.

And I have to say...

I've never seen her happier than she is today.

[people murmuring, aahing]

Sophie...

-welcome into our family. -[woman whoops]

[applause and cheering]

-Brindemos. -[woman] Yay!

To my daughter, Dani,

and my new daughter, Sophie.

May you find joy and happiness in one another forever.

[people murmuring]

-Salud. -[all] Salud.

Cheers, baby.

I could be fucking anything I want

Yes, I'm driven, I use what I'm given

And I'm feeling just a little obsessed

I need to have

- A talk with myself -[distant siren wailing]

I never listen when you say I can't

Oh, what, I got a good gut

Maybe you and I should have a talk

- Or not talk, never talk - Not talk

- Never - 'Cause I'm high

[Shane] This it?

And I'm not coming down soon

Hit the fast lane, smoke on the freeway...

[woman] Hello.

[Eddie] What's up?

-[woman] How are you? -[Shane] I'm good.

[woman] Eddie.

Aw, shit.

Shane, right?

-[Shane] Eddie. -Mm-hmm.

-How you doing? -[Eddie] I'm good.

We call you Wannabe Eddie around here.

Oh, yeah? All right, I'll take it.

-Yo, is Cujo hypoallergenic? -Oh, yeah.

-He's good. He's good. -All right, he better be.

If I start sneezing, both of y'all can get the fuck out.

-Come on. -Come on, Mack.

Man, I been waiting a long time to meet you.

-Is that so? -Yeah.

I been hearing a lot about you. People keep saying

we're the white and Black versions of each other.

Oh, okay. So it's like looking in a mirror.

Yeah, we'll see.

-[chuckles] -Since Tess

works for both of us, I figured it'd be a good opportunity

to finally meet your ass.

-All right. Yeah. -[Eddie] Grab a seat.

Well, I hope I don't disappoint. Thank you.

-[Eddie] Yeah, we'll see. -How you doing?

How you doing? How you doing? What's up?

-It's ten racks. -Yeah, yeah.

[club music continues]

We definitely gon' count it.

Well, I'll be insulted if you don't.

[Eddie] Uh-huh.

Do me a favor and, uh,

-just behave yourself. -I'll try.

A'ight, we good.

[Tess] Okay.

Everyone knows why we're here.

It's no-limit Texas Hold'em.

-How you doing? -I'm good. How are you?

[Shane] Good, thank you.

What's your name?

-Chloe. -[Chloe] Chloe.

-[Shane] Chloe, huh? -Chloe.

Chloe, Chloe. Hi, I'm Shane.

-Nice to meet you, Shane. -Nice to meet you.

You let me know if you need anything else.

-All right, I will. -Thank you.

[Chloe] You're welcome.

upbeat rock music

-[Nat] Okay, bye, guys! -[whistle blowing]

-Love you! -[Alice] Bye!

Sorry about the waffles.

[Nat] Have a good day at school!

[horns honking]

What is this person doing?

What are you doing? Move up.

-[laughing] -Move up, you motherfucker!

Well, I'm glad you think I'm funny.

Huh? N... Oh, no, no. I was just rereading

the draft I sent to the publisher.

Oh, okay, yes. Laughing at your own joke.

-Yes. That makes more sense. -Do we still like the title

"Lube, Boobs and Tubes" for the chapter

-on my ovarian cyst? Yeah? -Oh, yeah.

-For sure. For sure. -Okay.

And then when you're a best-selling author,

you can have your own lube line.

-Wow. -[horn honks]

-I think we're... -Let's go!

...kind of getting ahead of ourselves

with the lube, but yeah.

[horns honking]

Why isn't this line moving?

'Cause that would just be too easy.

Fucking hetero soccer mom. Go!

You know what would be fun?

What?

A real quickie.

-Really? -Yeah.

-In the back? -Get back there.

-But the kids. -Who cares?

Go, go, go.

-[car door opens] -[Gigi] Morning.

-[chuckles] -Hey, Gigi. Hi.

Wow. Happy to see

you're still super into public sex.

[laughs]

Wait, is she kidding? Have you always liked...?

What do you want?

[sighs]

To get back together.

[laughing]

-Oh. -I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

-[muttering] -I'm joking.

Wow.

I'm dropping off Eli's class cupcakes.

Do you want me to bring yours in, too?

Oh, fuck me.

-You forgot. -Yeah.

-I did. -Okay.

-Oh. I... -Well, I'll just...

I'll have his teacher cut these in half.

You know what? I have gum.

-Oh, nice. -I have almonds.

-I-- -Uh, I'm good. Thank you.

I will let you guys...

Just trying to help.

...get back to your car sex.

You know...

there's plenty of room back here.

It can easily fit...

three.

-Okay. -Wow.

-Not funny. -Yeah.

-Okay, well-- -Have a good day.

Have a good day.

-She took two pieces. Two! -She winked at me.

-She's a real menace. -What are we gonna do about her?

Put a chip in her ear so we know when she's close?

No, she needs a project. You know, something to focus on.

Or someone. [gasps]

-Yes. -She needs a girlfriend.

Yes.

Someone else's problem.

-Yes! Okay, see? -Oh, my God.

This is why I love you. Because you have the best ideas.

-I do. Thank you. -You really do.

[horn honks]

-[doorbell rings] -[Bette] Of course I'm aware

of what a huge platform it is

and what a life-changing opportunity it could be.

I'm just still weighing my options.

-Hello. -Where's Carrie?

-She's coming. -Okay.

She's just parking.

[scoffs] Well, as I... as I said,

I haven't made my final decision yet.

Well, there are other things that we would need to discuss.

This afternoon?

Uh, yes, I think I could come in this afternoon.

You know, wh-why don't I send you a-a text

with some possible times.

All right. Yeah. And you can just get back to me.

All right, terrific. Till then. Bye-bye.

-I'm so sorry about that. -Please,

-don't apologize. [chuckles] -[chuckles]

-Oh, Bette. -Hi, honey.

-Carrie, hi. -I'm so sorry.

I nicked your mailbox on the way up the driveway.

[Tina] Honey, it's not that bad.

Listen, if you got some paint,

I could touch it up for you, no problem.

-Oh, no. That's okay. -I'm so sorry.

-[Tina] See? It's fine. -I really am.

Man, that hill is a bitch.

-[Bette] Yeah. -[Tina chuckles]

It can be. You didn't need to bring anything.

-I made a frittata. -[Carrie] Oh, how nice.

I had a Groupon for this little Vietnamese bakery

-down the street. Yeah. -[Bette] Oh. Groupon.

-Yeah. -Got a lot of stuff.

I have no idea what any of it is.

-[chuckles] Okay. -Do you have a cutting board?

-Uh, yes, sure. -Great.

Whoever was on the phone sounded pretty aggressive.

Ugh. Isaac Zakarian.

Wants me to join his gallery as managing director.

-You're kidding. -Who's that?

[laughs] He's an international megadealer.

I mean, pretty much the biggest in the world, right?

That he is.

-[Carrie] Wow. -[Tina] Bette used to refer

to him as the Armenian devil.

Oh, isn't that a little bit racist?

Uh, I don't think I ever said that.

[Carrie] Yeah, well, that's the kind of thing

that could've cost you the election, you know?

Yeah, but I never said it, so...

I mean, that must've been horrible for you,

losing like that.

I mean, what that must've been like for you,

-I can't even imagine. Right? -[muttering]

What, honey?

No, I just... Since Hillary lost,

you know, it's all I think about.

These women losing elections. It's not right.

Well, nobody likes losing.

[Carrie] Actually, I'm a pretty good loser.

You know, public defender and all.

I give it my best, and then I move on.

Do you have a better knife? This one's kind of dull.

-[Bette] Sure. -Um, does Angie know we're here?

[Bette] Uh, I told her.

Hey, Angie?

I think, you know, you guys should start, so...

Be easier for Angie.

[quietly] Yeah, easier for Angie or easier for you?

-[Angie] Hey. -[Carrie] Hey, honey.

-[Angie] Hi. -[Tina] There you are.

-Hi. -Good to see you.

-It's good to see you, too. Hi. -[Tina] Hi, sweetie.

Good to see you.

Did someone die?

-[laughter] -No.

I told you she was gonna think that.

-I know. She said it. -I said it word for word.

-You said it. -No, everything is fine.

Yeah.

We just want to talk to you about our wedding.

Yeah. We're thinking of doing it kind of soon.

Okay.

Is that a doughnut or...?

Kind of. But there's meat in the middle.

-[chuckles] -I made your favorite frittata

-if you want it. -Great. Awesome.

I'll have both.

So, we're... We're thinking about doing it this summer

in Palm Springs.

-[Carrie] Yep. -Mm.

And we're gonna have a chicken and waffle truck

at the end of the night, so all your friends can come.

Anyone you want. [chuckles]

Mm-hmm.

-[Bette] You okay? -Yeah.

Yeah, I'm...

-Okay. [chuckles] -[Carrie] Good.

-Look. I knew she'd be excited. -Okay.

Right?

It's a lot, I know. It's just...

It's not too soon, just,

um, that you're the first to know.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

They-they wanted to tell you all together.

Right. Your moms and me, like the Three Amigos. [chuckles]

You don't have to take it all in at once.

No. No, no, no. No, that's not it.

Um, you know... [stammers]

it's just weird that I'm gonna...

meet Carrie's family before I know anything

about this other, like...

big part of me.

-What part of you? -What do you mean, sweetie?

Um...

you know, uh, my donor.

I thought you said it was a friend of yours.

He wasn't a friend.

He was just someone that I knew,

and we had an agreement that he would remain anonymous

-until Angie turned 18. -He was an artist

that Bette knew and... Yeah.

-[Bette] You knew that. -Yeah, I-I know, I know.

Um... but I still want to know more about who I am.

Of course, of course.

But, you know, if you still feel that way...

-When you're 18. -...when you turn 18, right,

then we wouldn't stop you.

But, um, you're not 18 yet.

It's just one more year.

You know, Angie, I did one of those DNA tests

where they swab your mouth and you send it away

and they tell you all about your ancestry, you know?

-[Angie] Yeah. -Turns out

I'm a hundred percent Irish, which was not a shock.

But I, uh, I found a whole lot of cousins down in Florida.

All of them were-were so kind to me.

One of them owns a Jet Ski store.

-Yeah. -Right?

And he had every famous person in Florida there

in the store-- even had Obama.

-[laughing] -He has a picture like this

with his arm around Obama.

-[laughing] Yeah? -Who I heard

is ten percent Irish, which means we could be cousins.

Think about that.

That's-that's... that's cool. Can I do that?

-Um... -Um...

well...

N-No.

[Tina] You know what, sweetie? Why don't you let

me and your mom-- we'll talk about it after we eat.

-Yeah, sure. -Let's just talk about it.

Sure. It's not a big deal either way.

Just, you know, um...

-Look at this. -Yeah.

Look, it's cut so nicely.

-It's so doughy. -So doughy. [laughs]

Did she make them?

-It's impressive. -Well, no, actually.

She-she had a Groupon.

-Mm. Who knew? -Yeah.

[Carrie and Tina chattering indistinctly]

[softly] All right.

slow, contemplative music

[Sophie] Hey, babe, what do you want for break...

Oh, no, no, no, no. Where's Micah?

He's supposed to be helping you with all this.

He went to the gym. He said he'd be right back,

-but it's been a minute. -Mm.

Do you think my dad can just sit at a table

-in the corner by himself? -Whatever, Nùñez.

It's gonna be perfect.

'Cause after, we're gonna go to your family's house in Ojai...

[sighs]

...oh, and be naked all day.

Maybe we should just run away now.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, I want to make these people cry.

-[chuckles] -So don't fuck it up.

Oh.

gentle music

[sighs]

-[phone chimes] -[shower running]

Oh, shit. Uh, I got to... I got to run.

Uh, Dani needs me.

She thinks I'm at the gym.

[chuckles] Did you hear me? I got to go.

-[Jose] What'd you say? -I said I got to run.

When am I gonna see you again?

I don't know.

Okay.

I wish I could come to the wedding with you.

You're gonna look so fine in that suit, too.

[chuckles] Oh, I wish... I wish you could, too.

I mean... I mean, you can.

-But you can't, so... -I know.

I'm gonna leave him soon. It's just, it takes time

to get out of a marriage, you know? It's complicated.

Yeah. Yeah, it just, uh,

it just feels like it's gotten more complicated

since you moved back in with him.

He's my husband. I had to give him a real chance.

I got to go.

-Great show, everybody! -[lively music playing]

-Good night! Thank you so much! -[crowd cheering]

Thank you! Thank you!

-What a fantastic audience. -[Sophie] Good job, good job.

Oh, my God, what a good show.

Oh, Margaret Cho's agents keep calling.

-Okay. -She wants to be on the show.

I'm working on it.

-[Alice] Great. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Oh, my God! -What?

-You're getting married. -[sighs] Oh, God,

-you've got to stop doing that. -I... I like fucking with you.

-[sighs] Here you go. -Thanks.

Oh, your hair. You look amazing. I love the color.

Thanks. Well, this focus group couldn't tell the difference

between me and Betty White, so...

I thought I should make a change.

-[Sophie] Right. -And I did.

Did you need to see me, or...?

Yes. So, between the book and the show,

-I'm swamped. -Right.

And the network wants me to do

a new segment on the show this season.

-Okay, how can I help? -So they want kind of a...

Oh. Like a Carpool Karaoke but with more gravitas.

So, like, Carpool Karaoke meets...

-Intervention? -No. Like...

uh, like, Ellen's teacher giveaways meets,

like, Oprah 2.0 meets the viral nature of Carpool Karaoke?

Hi. Can we get two coffees but the way we like them?

-Sure. -Thanks.

So uplifting but not silly, and interesting enough

for people to watch and share, right?

Right. But through the "Alice" lens.

Okay. I didn't think I had to say "queer."

Well, I don't think we can explicitly, but...

Right. I won't tell if you won't.

So, I was gonna hire

a new senior-level producer to do this.

But, before I do that, I would like to offer you the job.

What? For real?

Well, between your documentary background

and everything you've learned since you came

to work on the show, I think you could do it.

I mean, it would be a fuck-ton of work,

-but... -[chuckles] I mean, I-I'm just--

I'm so flattered. [laughs]

Well, think it over. You know, it's a big decision.

-Long hours, shitty pay. -All right.

-Yeah. Think about it. -Don't oversell it.

Okay? Let me know.

And until then...

your suit.

Tailored by the best in the biz.

[gasps] Oh, wow! Thank you so much again.

Wardrobe department did not need to do this.

-But I'm so glad you did. -Well...

Yeah, you're getting married. It's a big deal.

-Here you go. -Thank you.

Thanks.

-Oh, my God. That's awful. -[groans softly]

-[sighs] -[grunts]

I miss Finley.

-Don't you miss Finley? -Mm.

I just feel a little lost without her.

Like, she always anticipated my needs, you know?

She used to do this thing.

Before I went onstage, she'd be like, "Eye of the tiger, baby,"

with finger guns and stuff. I loved it.

She'd sing it if I was having a really bad day.

-Yeah, that sounds like Finley. -Yeah, she'd be like...

Eye of the ti... Well, you know how it goes.

You don't think she's coming back?

There's not a chance or anything?

[Sophie] Yeah, no. She's not coming back.

She's staying in Kansas City, forever.

Well, I'm gonna have to switch to tea if that's the case.

Uh, I'm-a get back to work.

Okay.

Would you like another coffee?

Oh, gosh. You know, I just finished

that delicious one you made me last.

Um, but can you get me Sarah Finley on the phone?

Yeah. For sure.

Thanks.

[sighs deeply]

Yesterday.

You've got to do it. I'll do it, too.

I mean, maybe I have a famous cousin out there or something.

-There's no way B will let me. -Why not?

-'Cause it was Carrie's idea. -Mm, just don't tell her.

I'll take you to Target and get you a kit, like, right now.

[mouth full] Are you kidding?

-Sorry. -[chuckles]

If she found out that I went behind her back,

she would just be so upset.

Well, maybe just ask her again, give her some time.

No, she doesn't need time.

-She needs a mood stabilizer. -Jesus.

[Angie] Carrie was just being Carrie,

and my mom was so annoyed.

[Jordi] Do you think she's, like, jealous?

[Angie] I don't think she's jealous.

I think the idea of adding Carrie into the family is scary.

Hmm.

But... whatever.

B was not happy.

That sucks, Angie.

Yeah.

Carrie's, like, kind of the best.

-[chuckles] -She kind of is.

No one agrees with me on this!

Hi, hello, pick up the phone

Yes, it's me, CEO

Need a vacay, take a PTO...

-[Bette] So they came over-- -[Shane] Mm-hmm.

[Bette] They came over,

and, um, she ran into my mailbox.

-No. -Why? Okay.

Carrie is the fucking worst.

Just, like, just everything is a fucking joke to her.

-Ugh, I'm sorry, Bette. -Mm. You know

-what she needs to realize? -Thank you.

That she's at the bottom row

-of the parenting pyramid, -[phone chiming]

-like I am. It's just-- -Exactly.

-You know? -Exactly. Ooh.

I'm sorry. I'm getting bombarded with job offers. Thank you.

Well, that's because you're the best and everybody knows it.

Thank you. I just don't know why it annoys me so much.

Oh. I do.

I think it's because their togetherness

just highlights the fact that I'm alone.

I mean, Tina has Carrie, and she makes her laugh.

She's all jokey. And I have-- Oh, yeah,

that's right. I have no one. I'm gonna die alone.

-Mm, come on. Come on. -No, you're not. No, no.

You know why I know that's not gonna happen?

-Because you always have Angie. -[chuckles]

Yeah. You two could be like

-the Grey Gardens... -What's wrong with that?

...of this generation.

-That's so messed up. -But, I mean,

in a much better house.

-Less raccoons, obviously. -Cleaner, for sure.

-Yeah. -But, really,

what is the likelihood that I'm gonna be able

to find someone who meets all of my criteria

and fits into my life with Angie?

Criteria? Jesus.

Yeah, criteria.

Actually, I am kind of curious.

-What's your criteria? -Mm-hmm.

Um, well,

she'd have to have kids of her own.

-[Shane] Mm-hmm. -Ideally.

And, um, not be married or straight.

And have a job.

Obviously.

No, not a job.

A career. She'd have to have a career.

Needs to be as passionate about her work

as I am about mine.

-No way. -Are you sure about that?

-Yeah. -No.

No, you've always kind of wanted more of, like,

a wifey wife-wife kind of type.

-Mm-mm! No. -[Shane] Uh-huh.

-[Alice] Yeah. -It's okay.

You just want somebody to deal with the stuff

you can't be bothered with.

Who cares?

[gasping loudly]

-Oh, my God. -You all right?

-What? Are you okay? -What's wrong? Are you choking?

I have the perfect person for you.

-Really? -Oh, God. Please, don't let her

set you up. That's how I spent my 30th birthday

with eight hippies in a fucking yurt.

Okay. You loved it.

-Listen to me. -No, I didn't. What?

[Alice] Shane, if she finds someone by tomorrow,

you don't have to be her date at Dani and Sophie's wedding.

I mean, you could give it a chance, right?

I mean, you never know where love's gonna turn up.

-[Alice] It's all around you. -It's everywhere.

upbeat, rhythmic music

[Bette] Back in the day, whenever somebody left

a museum job to become an art dealer,

we used to say, "They've gone over to the dark side."

[scoffs] That's a little overly simplistic, don't you think?

[chuckles softly] Maybe. A little.

So, Bette... [exhales]

what you were doing at CAC almost 20 years ago,

combining art and social activism,

nobody was doing that back then.

I assume you still care about those issues you championed?

I don't know if you were paying attention, but I ran for mayor.

-And I voted for you. -[chuckles] Bullshit, Zakarian.

All right, look, you can go back to being a museum director.

I know you've had a lot of offers.

And you could mount a show every couple of years

that moves the needle incrementally

for artists of color.

Or you could join the biggest art house in the world

and represent dozens of marginalized artists

and pay off your campaign debt the first year of your contract.

Hmm.

You know, I could be a little irritated that,

in your myopic vision, you've somehow associated me solely

with BIPOC artists, when, in fact,

I've worked with pretty much every major artist

of the last two decades.

But, instead, I will simply point out

that you represent exactly three artists of color.

Which is another reason I need you.

I mean, those marginalized artists are suddenly

the hottest commodity in the art world.

And I find, for the first time in my career, that, uh,

I'm behind the curve.

So I will meet your salary demands.

[chuckles] Wait. You're not gonna...

You're not gonna insult me with a lowball offer?

[sighs]

Plus,

a signing bonus for all your BIPOC artists.

No.

Signing bonuses for all artists I add to the roster.

Of course.

Plus ten percent of sales.

[sighs softly]

All right. We have a deal.

-Ah. Wonderful. -All right.

Mr. Zakarian, I've got Daniel Katz from the CAC on the line.

Excellent.

-Well, tell him I said hello. -Yes, I will.

Oh, uh, your office is straight ahead.

Make yourself comfortable.

contemplative music

[sighs]

Asshole.

[Alice] Oh, Carl.

No, you're too much.

[laughs] It was--

No, I put it in the second, uh, chapter

'cause I did pee my pants, really.

I-I know.

And my parents... I know.

Yeah, I've been working on it for months.

Oh. Hilarious?

It's the book publisher. They love the book.

[whispers] Oh, my God.

Really? Oh, you want to move up the publishing date?

Okay.

[chuckles] That sounds fantastic.

-Yeah. -[Sophie gasps]

All right. Okay.

Okay. Love to the wife.

-Bye-bye. -[laughs] Ah.

Oh, my God. Holy shit! Alice!

-Yes. They love the book. -[gasps] They love the book

[both] They love the book

They love my book

They love my... Sorry.

Um, yeah, they're gonna send their best editor

-to help me get it done in time. -Wow.

Well, do they want a lot of changes or something?

No, no, no, no. They just want to make,

like, a last pass before it goes to print, you know?

[chuckles] I can't wait to buy my copy.

Oh, more good news. I spoke to Finley.

She said if I needed her, she'd come back.

What? No, she's supposed to stay in Kansas City.

No, I know, but I said we both missed her, and she'd--

Wait, you did what?!

I just, uh, well, I...

-[chuckles] -Um, no, no, no.

You just... you got to tell her that she can't come back.

She cannot come back here.

Okay, what's going on?

-Everyone's looking at us. -Um...

Um, all right, just come on.

[Sophie sighs]

[exhales] Um...

-So, um... -Yeah. So...

Finley, uh, and I--

we, um... you know.

We, um, uh...

Oh. Did it?

Yeah.

When-when did you... when did you guys...?

Just, uh, when we wrapped last season.

-[clears throat] -Oh. Fuck.

Yeah, in the green room.

Oh. I nap on that couch.

[stammers] I mean, it was...

Look, it was a... it was a one-time thing.

-Mm-hmm. -And it didn't mean anything.

And, I mean, it was...

it was fucking amazing.

Well, I don't need the...

-details. -But she's gone and it's done.

-Okay. -And Dani doesn't know.

And now I think that I should've told her.

Well, do you think that I should tell her?

Um...

I... uh, I would leave it in the past,

and I would just focus on the future.

-Right. Right, right, right. -Yeah.

-[chuckles] -Yeah.

No. No, I can't do that.

I can't marry her and-and not tell her.

-Oh. -Well, I'm just gonna go

to our wedding rehearsal dinner, I'm just gonna tell her.

Okay, so opposite of what I just said.

Yeah.

bright music

Hi. Oh, thank you.

[Dani] There you are.

Hey. I'm sorry that

-I'm late. -Hey.

Wow. [chuckles] You look so beautiful.

Um, so do you.

You look amazing.

-Shall we? -Yeah.

[laughs] Come on.

Can you believe we're getting married tomorrow?

[Nana] Oh, here comes the bride.

-[applause] -Need to talk to you.

Uh, yeah, just give me a minute.

- tense music -[panting softly]

-[amplified heartbeat] -[indistinct chatter]

[panting]

[Rodolfo] Ay, mi cariño.

Come here. Come here.

-Please. -[clinks glass]

Well, first of all, I know I speak

for everyone in this room when I say

that we are so happy you didn't get married in Hawaii.

[laughter]

[panting]

[Sophie] Getting married.

You're getting married.

[Rodolfo] Sophie, I want to welcome you

into our family.

-Salud. -[all] Salud.

[glasses clinking]

[heartbeat continues faster]

[Sophie] This feels too good.

[Sophie and Finley moaning]

I'll be right back.

[indistinct chatter]

-You told him? -I'm sorry.

Cheating is a deal-breaker for Dani.

You know this. I know this.

You have to tell her.

I want to, but--

But-but what? If you love her, then I-I think you have to--

You know I love her. You know that.

You have to tell her.

-[Sophie] I-I will. -When?

[Sophie] Uh, I-I don't know.

I-I... I-I think you got to do it before the wedding.

Yes, okay? Yes, I promise.

I promise you that I will tell her.

-All right? -Okay. Okay, I'm sorry.

[Dani] Tell me what?

[gentle piano music playing]

Tell me what?

[Sophie sighs]

Um...

-[sighs] -Is it the place?

Is it the place? Is it too formal?

No. No, it's fine.

No, no, no, it's not. It's not.

Really, it's fine.

-Let me make it up to you. -What? You don't have to do...

You don't have to make up anything. It's fine.

Do you want to go out tonight?

-What-what do you mean? -Like...

Like, we could throw our own bachelorette party or something.

Just you and me?

Yeah.

Yeah, we can... we can, uh... we can get shit-faced,

and we can dance a little bit.

We can fuck in a bathroom stall

-like we did when we first met. -[chuckles] No.

-Shh. Wow. -No one's listening.

Um...

-Yeah. -Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah, I'd love that.

-Yes. Okay. -Okay. Mwah.

Come on.

slow, dramatic music

[zippering]

-Whoa. -Hey. Oh.

-Hi. You look amazing. -Thank you.

[Bette sighs]

I-I'm just going out for a little while.

Um, well, I-I... Um, Alice has a friend,

and I-I'm gonna just...

Well, I'm just gonna spend, um--

-You mean like a blind date? -[laughs] Yeah.

-Yeah. -I mean, it might be a disaster.

I don't know, but...

Ange, your-your mom and I discussed it,

-and we were-- -Oh, can I say something first?

-Oh, of course. -Sorry.

-No, go ahead. -Um...

so...

just because I am curious

about my donor doesn't mean

that I think he is my dad or anything.

Like, that word doesn't even sound right.

-You're my mom, and-- -I know. I know that. I-I know.

And I get that it might be hard for you--

-No, no, no, no. -I just want you to know--

It's not.... No, no, no. It's not that.

It's not that at all. It's not hard for me at all.

It's just, um...

we promised him that he could remain anonymous.

We promised him.

And he gave us you.

At a time when it was difficult for us,

as lesbians, to have children.

-I know. -Yeah, and I think

we need to honor that.

[Bette sighs softly]

Okay.

I get it.

All right.

-Oh. -What?

-Uh... -Do you--

I hate to sandwich a no with a no,

but T and I don't think it's a good idea

for you to do that genealogy test.

-Oh. -Yeah, just those...

those companies, they collect all your data.

-Mm-hmm. -And-and, I mean, I know

-you're a young adult. -Right.

-But you're not 18 yet. -Mm-hmm.

And-and we would just feel more comfortable

if you waited, okay?

-Yeah. Sure. Of course. -Good.

All right. Well, God knows I won't be out late.

-Mm-hmm. -So just call me

if you need anything.

-Love you. -I love you, too.

Can you see my underwear in this?

-No. -Okay. All right.

[sighs] Good.

[door opens]

[door closes]

dramatic music

[Cappa's "Trouble Finds Me" playing]

Yeah, yeah. Just give me 20 minutes.

Tess, there was a line. What do you want me to do?

You want to eat?

Yeah. No, and I got you the vegetarian one.

Okay. All right. Yeah.

Just, yeah, give me 20, 25 at most.

Okay. All right.

[grunts softly]

[sighs]

-[engine starts] -[phone chimes]

Hi, Chloe.

Bum, ba-dum, ba-dum, bum, ba-dum, ba-dum

Bum, ba-dum, ba-dum, hey

Bum, ba-dum, ba-dum, bum, ba-dum, ba-dum

Bum, ba-dum, ba-dum, hey

- I don't find trouble, yeah -All right.

Trouble finds me

Ah-ya-ya, yeah, ah-ya-ee

Trouble finds me

Ah-ya-ya, yeah, ah-ya-ee

Trouble finds me

Ah-ya-ya, yeah, ah-ya-ee

I don't find trouble, yeah, trouble finds me

Hi.

Um... God.

[sighs]

[woman] Shut the fuck up!

Hey. I-I... I-I'm sorry.

-Actually, I have a, um... -This is too good.

Nat and Alice are legitimately hilarious.

-Are they? -Uh, yeah, they are. They are.

I mean, I think so. You look amazing.

-Oh. -Is this Tom Ford?

-Thank you. Yes. Yeah. -It's hot.

I heard the scallops are amazing.

You down to share?

Sure. Yeah.

Here you go.

[woman, on laptop] I hope you don't mind.

Don't fall for it, Amanda.

[Amanda] It's 10 p.m. Why do you have sunglasses on?

Oh, please, it's the husband.

-It's always the husband. -[door opens]

[door closes]

-[Alice] Hi. -Hi.

-[laptop key clicks] -No, I was not watching

three hours of SVU.

That would be a crazy thing to do.

Well, I had a truly insane day full of sex,

scandal and regret.

Oh, who was your guest?

Oh, no, that was just my staff.

[chuckles] Do you want some wine?

Oh, yeah. Love some.

Did you hear from Bette?

Oh, my God, I totally forgot.

-Oh, well, I didn't. -Did you?

-I heard from Gigi. -And?

Okay. She texted me some emojis, which are unclear,

but I think that means it's going well.

Oh, my God, do you think this means we're not gonna

have to see Gigi tomorrow?

-One can only hope. - That would be amazing.

All right, let's see this show.

Let me see what all the hype is about.

It's so good.

Does she always wear a leather jacket?

-Of course. -She's serious.

-Mm-hmm. -Who's that?

I don't know.

You don't know, and you've been watching

this whole time?

Just some bitch on this episode.

[KiNG MALA's "B4U" playing]

-I missed you today. -I missed you.

-You did? -Mm-hmm.

-How was your day? -Great.

-Great now. -Yeah?

Guess it doesn't feel real when I think it all through

But I like it

Always thought that I knew, always thought that I knew

Which direction, perfection

In every little thing that I do

Nat?

Nat.

Nat.

-Oh, my God. -Oh.

-What? I wasn't... -No.

[stammers] Look...

No. Don't follow me.

I wasn't asleep. I was just resting my eyes.

-Uh-uh! No! -I have heavy lids.

Wow.

[chuckling] So, I finally get on the paddleboard.

-Mm-hmm. -I'm up maybe 30 seconds,

and then, bam, I go down hard.

Like feet over head, board over me.

They send someone over to save me.

The woman never called me again.

[chuckling softly]

So how 'bout you? What's your worst date?

Oh, gosh.

I don't even remember.

Oh, come on.

Bette Porter doesn't go on bad dates?

Takes the pressure off this one, I guess.

Uh, well, in all honesty, I just... I haven't been

-on a date in a long time. -Hmm.

I think-- I guess I find the whole concept

just a... [chuckles] a little sad.

Wow. Okay.

I personally find it to be

a useful step in the process of...

I don't know, getting to know someone

you might like to spend more time with, or...

No, that's not what I meant.

Look, I completely get it. L.A. is filled with...

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Okay, here's the deal, all right?

That's Tina, my ex, Carrie, her fiancée.

Not a fan. They're getting married this summer.

-Okay. -[Tina] Look who it is.

-[Carrie] Imagine this. -Hi.

-[Bette] Hi. -Hello.

Hey. Hi. This is, um...

You-you know, Alice had this...

Hi. I'm Gigi.

Oh. Oh. [chuckles]

Wow. Nice to finally meet you.

Nice to meet you. And you must be Carrie.

-Yes. -I've heard so much about you.

Oh, really? Anything Bette's told you about me is

subject to cross-examination. [laughs]

I'm kidding. I know we're all part of the same team.

-[Gigi] What team is that? -Yankees.

All the way. Yankees or die.

[laughter]

[Tina] Well, I hear this place is great.

It is. Get the scallops.

They are perfectly seared.

Ooh. No, I got a texture thing with scallops, honey.

No can do. I can't, no.

Well, save 'em for the grown-ups, right?

-Well, enjoy your dinner. -You, too.

-You, too. -Okay.

-Okay, I would say I love you... -Mm.

...but I don't really know you that well.

No, go ahead, say it.

Nat and Alice would be thrilled. [laughs]

What the hell is she talking about?

"Save 'em for the grown-ups." What does she think I am?

Where are you, honey?

-I'm coming. -Go ahead.

[pop music playing quietly]

Does it hurt to see them together?

I'm sorry. You don't have to answer that.

[sighs]

It was hard for me, at first, to see Nat with Alice.

You make a life with someone, and when it's over,

it's like you're spinning in the dark.

I just really thought that, uh...

Well, at first, when-when she left,

I thought, uh, I thought Tina just needs

some space, you know?

I mean, she's spent practically her entire

adult life in my orbit.

She probably just needs to be front and center for a while.

But then, um...

You thought she'd come back to you.

Carrie's looking over here and she looks pissed.

[laughs]

Now, I don't want to complain again, but here.

They make the font so small, honey. Look.

You're gonna have to read it to me,

-'cause I can't even read it. -[laughs]

And if I don't know what's in the dish, sweetie,

-you know what's gonna happen? -What?

-I'm gonna get reflux. -You always say this.

I know, but I'm gonna order something,

I'm gonna get reflux. Gonna ruin my whole night.

[chuckles, sighs]

Do you think Bette's okay?

-Bette? -Yeah.

No, I don't think she's okay.

I think she's in love with you.

[scoffs] No, she is not.

Yes, she is.

I mean, she's sitting with that beautiful woman,

and all she can do is look over here and stare at you.

Do you think she's beautiful?

Objectively, in, like, a common kind of way, I guess.

-[laughs] -Yes, I guess I could say so,

but, honey, she's no you.

Trust me on that one.

And, listen, if you want to order the scallops,

I'll totally try the scallops.

Remember when we were in Mexico

and you got me to eat that raw fish?

You said, "It's ceviche. Who knew that was raw fish?"

-Yeah, I did. -I loved that.

I don't know why I'm so quick to just throw things away,

you know what I mean?

If you want the scallops, I'll do the scallops.

I think you're beautiful.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

That's a nice thing to say.

I love you.

I love you, too.

[chuckles softly]

They're definitely talking about us again.

-Really? -Mm.

[AG's "Terrible Thing" playing]

Honey, you're so cold

Come here.

You left me unpatrolled

Oh, we're... Wait, we're really doing this?

Yeah. We're doing this.

Do things I don't want to do

Ooh, oh, for you

You terrible thing

You terrible thing, you

Terrible thing

You beautiful thing

You beautiful thing

-[whispers] You're very naughty. - You terrible thing

-[laughing] -What are you laughing at?

Nothing. No. You're just, you're so excited,

I can barely keep up with you.

Who knew poker would be so fun, huh?

-It is fun. -It is.

I love that. I love seeing you happy.

Thank you.

-Oh, ladies first, please. -Oh.

-[Shane] Hi. -[Tess] Hi.

-[Parker] Buy in. -[Shane] Yeah, it's ten, right?

[R&B music playing quietly]

Yup.

Hey.

[Eddie] 'Sup?

Eddie, what's going on?

-Is there a game tonight? -Nah.

Not tonight. Shane, why don't you sit down.

No, I'm okay. I think I can, I can stand.

Man, sit your ass down.

You should, you should sit.

All right, all right, all right. I'm sitting, Tess. Jesus.

All right.

[clears throat] Yeah.

Shane, do you know why I started this poker game?

-No. -Because I wanted a place

for Black lesbians to be able to come,

kick it and just vibe.

Mainly because y'all take up a lot of space in WeHo.

That Dinah Shore shit is not for us,

and I don't fuck with your music.

It's wack.

What I wanted to do was sort of bring our worlds together.

So by allowing you to come into our space,

I assumed you'd be respectful of my house.

Uh, okay. I, um, I think you lost me.

You tried to fuck my wife.

That was my reaction, too.

[Shane] I'm sorry. Hold on. Chloe.

I had no idea she was your wife.

Truly, she said nothing.

She don't really have to say anything to you.

She can fuck whoever she wants.

I told you to behave yourself,

and now the bridge has been burned.

All right? I can't have you coming in here trying to

colonize our game night.

You got to get the fuck out of here

-and never come back. -Okay, uh,

I'd just like the money that I just

passed off for the night.

10K is gone.

We just gonna call it reparations.

That's fair. Yeah. Okay.

-[Tess] Let's go. -My apologies.

-I had no idea. [clears throat] -[whispers] I'm sorry.

-[Eddie] Yeah, I-I receive that. -[Tess] Go.

All right, I'm going.

Sorry, Eddie.

God bless.

-[Shane] You, too. -Mm-hmm.

-Shit. -Oh, my God.

Jesus Christ. Tess, I swear to God,

I had no idea that was her wife.

-I know. -I swear to you.

-Please trust me. -I know. I know.

Oh, my God, you should've seen your face though.

-What? Me? -[laughs]

-You should have seen your face! -No!

Don't put that on me. You're projecting.

[Bad Bunny and Jhay Cortez's "Dákita" playing, in Spanish]

[lively chatter, cheering]

[panting]

Um... Hey, hey.

I-I have to tell you something.

Okay.

[clears throat]

Um...

Alice offered me a promotion today.

That's great, baby! Congratulations!

I know. It's-it's a lot of work though

and a lot of responsibility, so...

I have... I have no doubt that you can handle it.

Yeah, but we want to start a family.

Yeah.

You're gonna look so cute pregnant.

Oh, God. Mm.

[laughs]

But I don't want to do both.

Okay. Well, then tell her, baby.

Thank her for believing in you, and tell her that right now

it just doesn't fit in with your plans.

-With our plans. -[chuckles]

I want to have babies with you.

[chuckles]

You're gonna be the best mama ever.

[chuckles]

[laughs] Oh, my God.

I had the weirdest dream last night.

What?

-Say it. -I-I can't tell you.

-Stop it. What? Tell me. -Mm.

[gasps] Wait, wait.

Was it a sex dream? [gasps]

Tell me everything. Oh, my God.

I want every detail.

-About Bette Porter? -Oh...

-I know. I know. -Whoa. [chuckles]

I know, I know, I know. It-it... it's weird, but I...

I feel like it happened for a reason.

-Okay. -I think it was, like,

my subconscious trying to tell me to tell you

that-that I had a crush on her when I worked for her.

A-And even though it doesn't mean anything,

I just thought you should know before we got married, you know?

-[exhales] -Mm. Well...

[exhales] Ooh.

I mean, is-is...

is that all? Just a crush?

Of course. Oh, God, no.

[stammers] Nothing happened.

-I-I would never do that to you. -Yeah.

Cheating is, like, deal-breaker shit.

No, no. I would never. That'd be it.

-Right. -Like, we'd be done.

[chuckles] Like, there's no coming back from that.

No, I-I hear, I hear, hey, I hear you.

-Yeah? -Loud and clear.

-[chuckles] Okay. -[chuckles]

[H.E.R.'s "Every Kind of Way" playing]

I love you. You know that?

Baby, the sound of you

Better than a harmony

I love you.

I want you off my mind

Let's get the fuck out of here.

And on me...

[both laugh]

[Dani] Yes, baby.

-[laughing] -I'll let you unbutton.

It just doesn't work. Come here.

This ain't a dream

- You're here with me -[both laughing]

Boy, it don't get no better than you

-[moans, chuckles] - For you

I want to take my time

All night, I want to love you

[sighs]

In every kind of way

I want to please you, no matter...

You're so beautiful.

If the world should end tomorrow

And we only have today

I'm gonna love you in every kind of way

Yeah, yeah, yeah

[moaning softly]

It don't get no better than this

Your kiss, I want to love you

In every kind of way

I want to please you, no matter how long it takes

If the world should end tomorrow

And we only have today

-[panting, moaning] - I'm gonna love you

In every kind of way

I want to love you

In every kind of way

[staccato string music playing]

[string music continues]

[lively chatter]

[Bette] It was a total disaster.

Until Tina and Carrie showed up.

No.

Oh, God, what did Gigi do?

Um...

she was, she was great, actually.

Oh, I bet she was. Yeah, she's great in crisis.

-Yeah. -Sure thing.

-Um, hey... -I'm just gonna...

No, wait, Bette, hol-- Did you, did you guys hook up?

-Stop it. -Yeah, wait, what happened?

-Yeah, like, like, anything? -Nothing.

Kissing or...

-We want details. -...fingering or anything?

Okay. We kissed.

[both gasp]

-[chuckles] What? -Yes, it was...

Okay, awkward, right? Kind of awkward, you guys?

You were the one who introduced us.

I know, but you know.

Now we share something in common.

-It's just... Yeah, um... -[phone chimes]

-Um, we really do. -Did you want to...

-I got to... I'll be right back. -Do you want to sign it?

Oh.

[Bette] God, I never know what to write in these things.

[Alice clears throat]

-You okay? -[Alice] Huh?

Yeah, I got to take care of a thing.

So, have you heard from Eddie?

She is not exactly answering my calls.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

Oh, Tess, I'm sorry. I...

I know you loved working there. I really am sorry.

Something like that. Yeah.

Tell me.

I didn't love it, I needed it. There's a difference.

Hi.

Well, let me make it up to you.

It's okay. You don't owe me anything.

So what's going on with you two?

-Hi. How you doing? -Hey.

-Good. -Let's go.

All right. Okay.

You want to be quiet about it. I get it.

-[Shane] Are you coming? -Mm-hmm.

Thank you for inviting me.

-[Alice] Hey. -Hey.

Hi. I got your text message. Is everything okay?

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, everything's great.

Oh, you look incredible, by the way.

-Thank you. -Yeah.

-And, uh, I didn't tell her. -Oh, God. Okay.

-Thank God. Yeah. -And you'll never tell

-a soul, right? -No. Never.

Never. No.

And I think that I can't accept your job offer.

We just, we, um, we want to start a family.

Okay.

Yeah, I mean, I get it. Sure.

Yeah.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Um, thank you.

-Yeah. -I'll, uh,

I'll see you down there.

Okay.

-Yeah. -All right.

gentle music

[sighs]

[strings playing classical music]

[indistinct chatter]

-Oh, hi. -[Shane] Hey.

So, where are we sitting?

[Bette] Uh, I saved you a seat right here.

-Oh, where's Nat? -Right behind you.

[laughter]

Oh. Who is she talking to? Who is that?

-Uh, probably a caterer. -Oh.

She always zeros in on a freshly passed app, so...

Well, those must be some pretty good apps, then. [chuckles]

-Really? -Well, I mean, just seems

like they're hitting it off, that's all.

Oh.

Okay. Shane, will you hold these?

Yeah, can you grab me one of those snacks?

-On a plate? Yeah, yeah, yeah. -The snacks?

Okay. Excuse me. Sorry.

-[Nat] Oh, my God... -Excuse, excuse, excuse, excuse.

[Marissa] But we got through it.

-Hi. Hi. Hi. -Hi.

-[Marissa] Hi. -Hi.

Um, the wedding is about to start. So we should...

Okay, great. Um, Marissa, this is my girlfriend A--

-Do what? -Uh, I was just saying

that this is my girlfriend Alice, and this is Marissa.

-Love your show. -[Alice] Oh.

Thank you so much.

Uh, Marissa was just telling me about her husband

and her girlfriend.

-Okay. -Yeah.

Yeah, we tried the whole throuple thing with her ex-wife.

-Nat was telling me. -Yeah, it was no good.

-There were moments. -It was, um...

-Yeah, highs and lows. -I would say

it wasn't that great.

It didn't end well. It ended poorly.

-It was nice meeting you. -Oh, yeah, nice meeting you.

-Really nice meeting you. -[Alice] So, oh, yeah.

-She's nice. -[minister] At this time...

-[Nat] Yeah. -...we'd like to ask all guests

to please be seated.

You know, she was actually

bringing up something kind of interesting.

Was she?

-We can talk about it later. -Yeah.

Okay.

[slow string music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

[exhales]

[crying softly]

[inhales sharply]

Wow.

You look so beautiful. [laughs softly]

[chuckles softly]

-Just breathe. -[breathes deeply]

We're getting married.

[both laugh]

[minister] Welcome.

Thank you all for joining us as we celebrate...

I love you so much.

-...Dani and Sophie. -You know that, right?

When I look around at the love that...

-[door opens] -[Finley] Hello?

[door closes]

[Sophie] Oh, shit.

Uh...

[people murmuring quietly]

-I might need a ride home. -Wait, what?

-What do you think you're doing? -[exhales]

[quiet murmuring continues]

-Sorry. -[Shane] What is she doing?

-[Finley] Hi. -I think I might know.

I, uh...

Oh, boy. I...

-I love you. -[people gasping, murmuring]

I think I've always loved you,

and I just didn't want you to get married

without all that information.

And if you don't feel the same way,

I'll leave right now and, you know... [scoffs]

this will be a great story to tell or something. But, um...

I do love you. So...

I'm pretty sure you love me, too.

S-Sophie, wh-what's going on?

[panting]

soft, dramatic music

Sophie, what is she talking about?

I...

Hit hard, cause a scandal

Can't stop, I'm hard to handle

Don't care if my halo dips

My rise to this is worth the risk

Run fast, put up a champion

One chance to make it happen

Don't care if my halo dips

My rise to this is worth the risk

Work, work, harder, harder

We work, work for the dollar, dollar