Original subtitles

Yes, yes, yes.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Wait, 10 minutes?

God, I should've just driven myself.

Okay, it's perfect.

This is perfect.

- Girls, breakfast! - Move!

Mommy is going away for the weekend.

- Mom! - Yeah?

- She took my iPad. - Hey, hey, hey,

- stop that now! - It's mine!

- Peter! - Listen to your mother.

- Peter! - Rose.

She started it.

- Hey, she's just a baby. - I am not!

Okay, okay, gimme that, gimme that.

Sit down, sit down please.

There's no technology at the table

because mealtime is sacred goddammit right Peter?

Yep, rule number one.

Hey, hey, hey, no balls at the table.

Rule number 16.

I hate you mom.

Well, that's not very nice.

I'm gonna take your photo now.

Smile, great, that's good enough.

Don't forget, we have that meeting with the assessment team

on Monday to have her classified.

- Right, ADHD. - Shh, she's right there.

Kids are over classified and over medicated.

Rose, you forgot to flush the toilet again.

- Jenny! - You know the rules.

Oh, please look, look who's talking.

Where is he?

How come mom gets her phone?

Gross, what is that?

It looks like puke.

It's kale and it tastes delicious.

Oh, he's here, okay.

All right, I'm leaving.

Do not forget to feed them, okay?

I got it covered.

Hey, just enjoy your mommy weekend, okay?

It's not a mommy weekend.

It's a work conference.

Well, work involves a paycheck so just saying.

Well, that's exactly what I'm trying to do.

I'm just saying.

Goodbye, goodbye.

You're right, that's puke.

Okay, mommy's going away for the weekend.

She's never, ever coming back.

- Bye bye mom. - Have fun!

Boarding pass is in my wallet.

I have enough time to order a salad before I board the gate.

Okay fine, I don't need help, it's cool.

- You Jeaneth, Jenny? - Yes.

All right, I am mark with a C.

I know, I can read it.

All right, I'm very late.

Relax, you'll get there wherever there is.

I got these delicious mints

- and lollipops. - No, no, no,

I'm good thank you, I'm good.

Okay, so no.

Oh my God.

All right, mommy's going away for the weekend.

Mommy's going away for the weekend.

So where are we flying to?

- Vegas, yep. - Vegas.

For a conference 'cause I'm a blogger.

Oh, me too.

Oh, well I've only been at it for a few months.

Sweet, so what do you write about?

Motherhood and family, angst.

- You? - Maoism, anarchy, angst.

Wait, where are you?

Oh ways, okay 'cause it's rush hour.

I should have left myself more time.

Actually, I did.

Wait, no, no, no, where are you going?

Yeah, you pushed pool, so.

No, I didn't.

Yeah, I'm picking up my next ride here.

God, I hate these stupid apps.

Well, how much does it cost to switch?

You can't.

What do you mean I can't?

- Relax Jen. - Don't tell me to relax!

My name is Jenny.

And what is that?

That weed, no.

No, thank you very much.

You don't, while you're driving?

I am straight edge so it's cool.

Your choice, your body, your body, your choice.

I'll relax when I get there.

- Hi! - Kara?

- Kara with a K. - Oh, Marc with a C.

- No way? - Way.

Well, not that anybody asked, but I'm Jenny with a Y.

Wait, like Yenny?

Can we just go?

Let's just go.

What's with her?

What are we listening to?

These are binaural beats.

Like, like, like?

Where are you going?

LAX.

Oh okay, now I get the mood.

I'm an intuitive.

Where are you flying?

- Vegas. - Oh fun, pool parties?

It's a work conference.

She's a mommy blogger.

- Okay, gotcha. - Do you?

For both of your information,

I happen to be an Emmy award-winning news journalist.

I mean, I was.

Whatever, you know

how they say it's not like you're carrying cancer.

I worked in medical research curing cancer,

but I'm an actress now.

And I'm going to Barry's bootcamp.

My friend works there at the one in Venice

so I get in for free and I am very eco-conscious

and I don't own a car.

- It's all meaningless. - Exactly.

Where are we going?

Oh yeah, this is our last stop.

Go to North Hollywood, Jen chill, we are going to get there.

Can we go now?

Yeah, if you're late, the lock you out of bootcamp.

Oh, look who's here.

- Sean. - Oh my God.

You gotta be kidding me.

You gotta be kidding me.

Hell is other people.

Seriously, I have been puked on already once today.

Oh God, that is so gross.

I thought I smelled that.

I knew it.

I'm really sensitive to that smell

because I was bulimic in high school.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Wait, wait, you gotta be kidding me?

First stop, Sean's going to Culver City.

It's right before the airport.

Oh, oh, and then me, right?

No, no, not then her, then me!

Let's see what the app has to say.

I don't care what the app has to say!

I'll start writing a very strong email.

Remind me to write a very strong email.

I'm gonna miss my flight,

and the opening night cocktail party.

Oh, you definitely can use a cocktail Jenny.

Get out please now.

- Did someone say cocktail? - Seriously?

Jen, it's not her fault you didn't leave enough time.

Yeah I mean, it would have made a lot more sense

to fly out of Burbank.

- Fuck, goddammit! - Don't!

- Jen. - I'm somebody's mom.

I gotta get to paradise.

We're gonna get you to the area port?

What?

He's got a gun!

- He's got a gun! - What?

Oh my God, he's got a gun.

Guys, I'm not gonna use it.

It's not even loaded okay?

Oh God.

Why do you have a gun man?

To kill myself.

Okay, wrong answer dude.

I'm not gonna.

Make sure the safety's on.

I tried to kill myself in 10th grade.

I was bullied.

- Look, Sam. - It's Sean.

Sean, I'm sorry.

It's gonna be okay.

It's fine, I can't I think.

Oh okay, that's good, that's good.

Hey, can you take me to paradise?

Not on the app.

My credit card's all maxed out.

I have cash.

I have $250 and that's all I got.

Cash rules.

Oh wait, Paradise, Nevada.

Yeah, fuck.

Sean, why did you feel like you had to do this?

I mean, do you mind sharing?

- She went back to Paradise. - Who?

Dawn and-

- Sean, oh my God, I'm so sorry,

but it's just my flight is boarding right now.

I don't mean to be insensitive, but Marc?

- Hmm? - How long would it take

for you to drive to Paradise or to Vegas right now?

Here to there?

It's like five hours.

Five hours, yes.

That's about five hours.

Okay, I'm gonna throw in another $250

and we're just gonna drive there.

If we leave right now, I can still make it there.

I can shower.

I can she mask.

I will make it there in time for the cocktail party.

Actually can I go too?

- What? - Wow!

No, what about Barry's bootcamp?

I didn't really wanna go.

I didn't wanna exercise today

so that all works out for me.

Can I like Venmo you guys my part?

Are you gonna take us or not?

Wow, what a freight train.

So much to process, the ins and outs,

the pros and cons and what have you's,

the why's, the what for's?

Yes, I'm answering in the affirmative.

I will shepherd you.

First, we just have to make a quick stop.

Okay, as long as it truly is quick.

Was I not clear?

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I need to sit in the front seat.

I'm sorry, I get car sick easily.

I'm always the designated driver and no offense Sean,

I'm really, really happy that you chose life,

but right now you smell like death.

Is that okay with everyone?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Great.

- Salutations. - Hello.

Yeah, please seat belts policy,

preservation, you understand?

- Okay. - The light forces.

- Start the car please. - All right.

Drive, just drive!

I'm doing it.

See me?

I wanna just put this below there.

Okay, where are we going?

What's this quick stop?

Lucas, yeah but your contract said tickets

to the premiere, that was explained.

It's on the way, it's on the way.

Yeah, I could talk to him, but did you read it?

I get that between here and there, but where exactly?

And I'll call the producer.

Just read it, okay, thank you.

Boyle Heights.

- Are you like a? - Talent Agent, yeah.

I'm an actress.

I have a manager.

She doesn't do much.

I'm thinking about firing her.

That's in East LA

Oh, that's actually near The Staples Center.

I had a call back there once.

Yeah, but I didn't get the part.

I just got a comment on my blog.

That's huge.

Comments are commerce,

that is the first panel I'm going to tomorrow

after yes, desert yoga.

I wrote a blog post about taking my stepdaughter shopping

for her first bra.

Okay maybe, it's not how to organize a sustainable protest,

but it's funny, poignant and relatable.

I hate you.

- It's a troll. - It's my stepdaughter.

How did this become my life?

I hate my mother too.

Excuse me?

Let go ladies, come on.

She just cut me off last week,

but what she doesn't realize is that my phone

is still on the family plan, ha ha.

Personal probs.

But you know what, problems are still problems, okay?

All right.

I used to be on local news on air, field producer.

We know, VME.

In Vegas actually, ironically.

Anyway, back to the scene of the crime.

Did you kill someone Jen?

Ha ha ha, no, it's where I met my husband

and I got pregnant.

My former self.

Oh, so who are you now Jen?

Only you know.

Okay, that's the deep.

- I went to Duke. - You did?

Yeah, organic chem major.

- I went to Berkeley. - Middlebury.

Oh my God, I'm so sorry Sean.

We've been so self-absorbed, how are you doing?

How, are you feeling?

Hung over, empty.

You were gonna tell us why we were driving to-

- Paradise. - Paradise.

Yeah I mean, do you wanna talk about,

I don't know if you want to talk about it.

I like talking about things.

I don't know if you are?

I fucked it all up.

All of what?

My life.

I can't get her out of my mind.

Classic Leo.

That's so funny, I was gonna say the exact same thing

because of course I'm a Libra.

Of course, Pisces.

- Oh, naturally. - Do you see it?

So naturally.

Oh my gosh.

You know what Jen, we know what you are?

Do we know what you are?

We know exactly what you are.

Well, you are a Capricorn.

- Capricorn. - You're a Ca-

Are we right?

I hate you both.

Oh my gosh.

So tell us more Sean?

Well, I met Dawn at a weed shop in WEHO.

I'd never seen her there before.

I mean, not like I go often.

She was a hippie gypsy type, ethereal, petite,

fragile with a touch of punk.

She was wearing one

of those long flowing Haight-Ashbury skirts

and a black Ramones beater shirt.

One of her ears was loaded with piercings

and she had a rose tattoo on the inside of her arm.

Her long, dirty blonde hair had pink tips.

What do they call that?

Ombre, looked completely dump on me, but anyway.

I'm sorry, please keep going.

How can I help you?

Talk about a loaded question.

I felt this amazing warmth emanating from her.

Call it crazy, stupid love at first sight.

I had really bad shoulder pain

from an old baseball injury.

I played in college and then tweaked it playing softball.

I just went through really nasty breakup.

I was vulnerable and in pain, both psychic

and physical and stress, just so much fucking stress.

You know, you're carrying a lot of negative energy.

It's bopped, the weed will definitely help.

She told me she was a Reiki master.

I'm a Reiki master.

I do energy work.

I can help you to release all that negative energy.

I started seeing her as a patient

and then she became the yin to my yang, until...

Until what man?

You know what, put a pin in it.

Tell me after I go see this guy.

Can I have one of those?

Oh yeah, sure.

- Hmm? - What?

No judgment.

Don't you have someplace to go?

I didn't even see that Jenny.

Thank you.

I'll be right back.

I recommend you only take half.

Oh, I'll have the other half.

I'm gonna eat that.

- How are you? - What up?

- You good? - Yeah, you know.

Do you think I should take a photo of him just in case?

There's a photo of him on the app silly.

No, I mean of just this location.

It'll be geo tagged then I can send it to my husband.

That's right, all right.

What's in the bag?

BC, BC

What is it in the bag?

You want me to?

What is in the bag?

What is in the bag?

Oh excuse me, what are you putting

- at my feet? - The bag.

All these questions you're asking are rhetorical.

Who's ready?

Okay guys, next stop?

- Paradise! - Paradise indeed.

So what happened Sean?

What happened?

I was a total Dick that's what happened.

I was an asshole.

This actress was hitting on me

and it comes with the territory.

I'm an agent,

but I had a meaningless one night stand with her.

Totally regret it.

That's some bad shit.

Like I said, I'm an asshole seriously.

But whatever, life has no intrinsic value anyway.

I hate myself so much right now.

One bad fucker choice.

I was on Dawn's table.

Then she said.

I feel something.

Yeah, work's been.

Perhaps, no this is new, different.

I cheated on you.

I love you Dawn more than life itself.

Can you ever forgive me?

Then she said.

There's too much negative energy in Los Angeles.

She packed up her things

and went to Paradise, Nevada where she's from.

We haven't spoken since.

It's just only been a week,

but it feels like forever.

Do you really think that she's gonna take you back?

I highly doubt it, but I got to try right?

Take some action.

Hashtag truth, but if it's any consolation,

every humiliation in your life in the end,

it's totally forgotten.

I was cheated on.

It was freshman year of college

and I was going through a lesbian phase.

I was bi-curious you know?

And I was kind of naive in college.

I don't know, I met this girl and she was so cool

and she fucking cheated on me.

And then I was devastated and I had a nervous breakdown

and my parents had an intervention.

They were like, "You got to get back to boys."

And really, they're not even better so I don't know.

Heartache just fucking hurts.

Well, that could just be some heartburn.

I mean, I have stuff in my bag for that

'cause you've been drinking, I'm just saying.

Did you know that you have neurons in your heart?

Do you mean like brain cells?

- Here, take two. - Take two.

Yeah man, feelings are great and all,

but don't keep them trapped inside, release.

Easier said than done.

My dad cheated on my mom too.

I'm sorry.

My parents, I mean, they didn't have time to cheat.

They didn't have time for recreational sex.

Say guys, can we stop for coffee?

I'm just really tired and I'm out of Adderall.

- Okay fine. - Yeah, all right!

They have this convenient store ,

me and my sister.

Well, my grandparents basically raised us.

They didn't have time

for anything except for our basic needs.

And then my mom,

she doesn't understand why I gave up my career for my kids.

She shouldn't complain,

- I gave her grandkids. - Yeah.

Large black coffee.

I'm just wondering, what are your milk alternatives

on there for the extra dollar?

Yeah, almond, cashew, Brazil, peanut, cashew, hemp.

I said cashew, apologies.

Rice, hemp, 2%, petunia and the florals,

orange, carrot, pea, regular milk if you want.

Regular, I will do regular milk.

And what kind of sugar options do you guys have?

Do you have like?

Splenda, equal, stevia, agave,

sucralose, droplets, liquid nitrogen, more droplets.

Sugar, raw, brown, organic, non organic

if you really wanna go there.

Okay yeah, we're good.

Well, mom was an activist and dad was a radical.

Mama is the first in her family

to go to college, Berkeley too.

Back when Berkeley was like Berkeley, right?

Yeah, mom was like a true bra burning,

feminist Latina, hell raiser.

Dad was like angry Black Panther,

emphasis on angry.

Did some time.

My dad cheated too.

He is a dick.

I'm a dick.

Father like son.

Own your choices, freewill.

- Wow. - Right.

That's comforting to know that my life sucks

- because I willed it. - Namaste.

Are choices even a good thing?

Are you guys fucking out of your mind?

Did you say are choices a good thing?

Jenny holy crap,

we live in a time and in a culture where it's okay

for women to make their choices.

That is so important.

We are so lucky.

This is unbelievable that we have this.

People have sacrificed so much for that to be possible.

I mean, I marched in DC.

I am a fourth wave card carrying feminist.

- Ow! - Wow, wow, wow, okay.

Oh my God, are you okay?

Oh my God, I'm sorry.

Those are strong little squirrel hands.

- They're very deceiving. - Oh my God,

even though people think we hit men,

- We don't do that. - I'm sorry,

I was just emphatic about this

and I just use the arms, I use them.

Oh my God.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

Stoned and sorry at the same time.

I was trying to say I'm sorry

and I'm stoned

- at the same time. - Storied, stonied.

I can't get her out of my head.

I marched too in Los Angeles area

with my stepdaughter and my daughters.

It felt really good.

It felt important, like we were part of something.

Did you write a groundbreaking blog about it?

Ha ha, screw you both.

I just felt like it was supposed to be easier, different.

I hear you.

Because you got participation trophies just for showing up

and told unconditionally that you were special.

News flash, we can't all be special can we?

I can't get her out of my head.

Well, that my friend is positive nihilism.

All that matters is what we deem as important,

that is freedom.

Whatever, I am essentially homeless you guys.

I mean, I just wrapped up a dog sitting gig in Beverly Hills

and I don't know,

I have like $300 left to my name and it sucks.

My mom was helping me out for a while,

but I mean, she cut me off.

I don't know, I need like a steady gig of side hustle thing

so that I can keep going to auditions.

Have you ever thought it might be time

to maybe I don't know, give up the dream?

I'm not giving up my dream.

You sound like my mom, Jesus Christ.

I'm sorry, geez.

It's not what I meant.

I don't know if writing about motherhood

is my passion anyway.

Passion is a lie.

What are you a fortune cookie?

Mean fortune cookie.

Capitalism tells us to take our passion

to turn it into work, right?

So that work will set you free.

Passion is the big lie that keeps the whole system in place.

Well Marc, if I'm working then I'm not raising my kids

and if I'm not working, then I'm not a positive role model.

I used to actually be a feminist just like both of you,

but now I'm just like this bottom line zombie mom.

Could you be a feminist and stay home mom at the same time?

Yes you can.

The definition of feminism is just that you believe

in equal rights for men and women.

So yeah, you can do that.

Yeah, I know.

It was just a rhetorical question.

Okay, I'm sorry that you feel judged in your life

and you don't know, you have a predicament

about what you're gonna do,

but really imagine being a single woman with no boyfriend,

no career, no kids in your '30s.

I mean Jesus, you wanna be judged,

walk into our holiday party with your mom's friends.

No one's judging you.

Oh, everybody is judging.

You most of all Marc.

Yeah, and actually women are the worst to each other.

What is your passion huh?

Quoting philosophy 101?

- I'm an artist. - Oh?

Yeah, look, check it out, tattoos.

See, tribal, something small.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound rude just now.

They actually are really beautiful.

Thank you, I'm also a Shaman.

- You mean a Shaman? - Right.

- And I sell shit. - What kind of shit?

- Mostly drugs. - Did I not say

when we went to that house that he's a drug dealer?

You did say it,

- but we're not worried. - No, no, no

the stuff I picked up this morning,

that wasn't what I usually do.

I usually send people psychedelics to the dark web.

- I set them free. - The dark web?

Yes, it's also where I host my blog.

Okay, this is all very comforting, thank you.

No, the shit that I picked up this morning,

that is farm to table grade A organic psilocybin.

That's the good shit, top shelf.

Magic mushrooms, take me away.

Exactly, that's my boy.

I've done shrooms too.

Okay, dropping bombs.

Well, this will be different

because it would be guided by me.

Yes, can't take a journey to Paradise

without first taking a journey to Paradise.

Okay, you can get your hand out

- of my face. - I'm sorry.

That was profound.

And did we say we were going to do shrooms with you?

- You, you intimated. - What?

The answer was in your eyes.

I mean, I know he was but...

Well, it's done.

Let me think about that.

It's happening.

Does your spatial awareness get better

or worse with mushrooms?

How long does this last?

- I have to pee. - Yeah, me too.

Yeah, I know.

I know, the staff meeting.

The staff, but listen to me.

Listen to me!

I'm taking a mental health day, Dan!

For what?

For my mental health, fuck!

Good, totally on the toilet.

Shit.

Hi Mrs. Wilson, how are you?

What?

Wait, she pushed Jack off a swing during recess?

Well, I'm sure that she didn't mean to.

I'm sure it was an accident.

Well, have you called my husband?

No, I'm not really around today,

but no Mrs. Wilson I understand.

I understand that there's zero tolerance,

but she didn't mean it.

And I completely understand that there's policy,

but there's no way that she actually meant to do this.

I'm so sorry, Mrs. Wilson.

Jack's mom is on the other line.

If you could just, I'll call my husband.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry to do this.

Hey Claire, how's he doing?

Yeah, we're having our tests next week.

I'm so, so sorry.

We're getting your tested next week.

Excuse me, Rose did not mean to.

What?

My daughter is not a bully Claire.

She's got, Claire?

Hello?

Claire?

Peter, yeah, no I'm not there yet.

I'm driving there.

I'm not driving,

my ride share driver's driving me from here to,

it's not even important right now Peter

because Rose is in the principal's office.

Jack, she pushed him off the swing.

I know, there's zero tolerance.

You know what stupid school,

we pay this money and it's like no.

Well, what do you want me to do?

You want me to just go outside

and tell this driver that he's got to bring you back to LA?

I can't do that.

Well, I was hoping that you would just cancel the rest

of your day and go pick up your daughter.

No, I understand.

I'm not freaking out.

I'm not freaking out.

I just want to make sure

that this is taken care of properly.

Oh God, don't cry, don't cry,

don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

I really appreciate it, okay bye.

Oh, fuck!

- Oh, you waited? - Yeah.

- You feeling okay? - Yeah, thanks.

So I didn't tell you this before,

but I actually used to be married.

You were?

Yeah, don't sound so surprised.

Sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound like that.

So what happened?

I dunno, I Just kind of like divorced the nicest guy

in the whole world.

Why?

Don't you have a mom conference to get to

where you can talk to well adjusted women

who are blissfully married?

No, it's okay.

If you wanna hear about it,

I'll tell you about it in the car.

I do.

Hey Marc, you're looking for UFO's?

What are you doing?

Ladies, tonight is special.

It's lunar eclipse.

It's the wolf blood moon.

It's the beginning of the Aquarius season

Blood moon what?

Look, tonight is special.

Tonight, the moon is closer to the earth than it usually is.

And according to folklore,

that's when you can hear the wolves howl.

- Wait, wolves? - Yes, canis lupus.

Okay, so in a lunar eclipse, the moon is always red

and it's like this giant doorway is just opened.

It's a time of completion,

of endings and beginnings, new beginnings.

It's the time in your life

when you're just really faced with your emotions

and confronted with intimate relationships

in home and family life.

Yes, luna to decanis lupus.

Tonight, the biggest challenge will be ourselves.

But okay, we should get going.

Somebody's gotta get to a cocktail party.

Away, away.

Guys, wait a second.

I don't know if it's like the wolf moon blood thing.

Fuck Vegas, fuck the conference.

Jen, language.

I mean, this is my big find myself,

get away from my kids weekend.

Why should I be around a bunch

of self-righteous mom bloggers

who just blog about literally shit?

Not that there's anything wrong

with blogging about shit Marc.

Let's get Sean to Paradise.

Thanks guys.

Can we get some food though?

- Absolutely no. - I'm hungry, I could eat.

After graduating college, I moved back home.

Excuse me?

At the gas station before you were asking me

about why my marriage ended?

You were married.

Yeah, for like a year.

And I moved back home after graduating college.

I got a job in healthcare and there was a guy there.

His name was Tim.

He was a biomedical engineer.

He was 29, I was 23 and he liked me.

And what more cloud you want?

So we started dating.

He was sweet, and cute, and smart

and he didn't mind that I was smart too.

He loved that I was goofy and weird,

laughed at my jokes.

So when he proposed,

I had no reason to say anything but yes.

He did it like a perfect prince

that my parents were so proud of me for.

I swear to God,

my dad was more proud of me the day I got married

than when I graduated college.

And I went through all the motions.

We had a house, a dog and this beautiful wedding.

Sounds really nice.

It was, but I was playing a part and I knew it.

It didn't feel right.

So I started to manifest.

What, like "The secret"?

Yeah, I started to keep a gratitude journal

about why I was so lucky to be Tim's wife,

have him and my family, and my job

and everything that I did have.

And I became obsessed with really becoming this person,

Tim's perfect wife.

I made a vision board about how to be the best wife for Tim.

That vision board became

about me being the best actress for me.

In high school, I was in drama club.

I was a thespian and I felt the absolute most alive

when I was on stage.

I always wanted to be an actress.

I told Tim that I was gonna leave him

and I was gonna move to LA.

Everyone thought I was nuts,

my best friend, Tim, my family.

I don't know, he tried to offer me a settlement

in the divorce.

He was such a nice guy, but I couldn't take his money.

I wouldn't be broke now if I had,

but I needed a clean break.

Tim's married again to a very nice woman

that 110% looks like me.

Well, do you have any regrets?

Not at all.

I think I would've put my head in the oven eventually.

It's all right Sean.

What about you?

Well, what about me?

Do you have any regrets?

What, about my marriage?

No, no, no I don't.

I do not.

When all the ingredients work together in harmony,

it makes for a delicious meal.

A singular experience.

A grilled cheese?

What happened for you in grilled cheese?

There's a symphony going on.

- Sean? - Huh?

Do you wanna share with the class?

Sorry guys, I'm writing a letter to Dawn

and it's just piece of shit.

- Oh. - Oh, I'm sure it's not.

Well, why don't you bounce it off us, we'll help you.

- Workshop. - Yeah.

Hey babe.

- Okay. - What?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't.

- Do better. - Don't say babe.

My dearest Dawn.

- My dearest Dawn. - That's good.

- Very civil war. - Yes.

You probably hate me.

And you should hate me

because I hate me too.

I'm sure that's just one more thing we have in common.

I tried to blow my brains out.

- What? - He did.

Yeah, I know, but it's a lot.

We don't need to do this here.

I'm sorry, we're gonna shut up.

Everyone shut up.

My dearest Dawn.

You probably hate me

and you should hate me because I hate me too.

So that's one more thing we have in common.

I cut out the part about the.

I know I'm not worthy of your love and I need to grow up.

I sabotaged the only thing in my life that matters.

And I guess I never deserve the happiness you gave me

so I destroyed it.

I'll do anything to be with you.

Always yours, Sean.

Okay, 'cause I can rewrite it if it's.

- No, that was good. - It's good.

That was really good and I mean really,

what would you have to lose?

Okay, new rule.

If we're making this trip to Paradise, no more distractions.

I'm taking phones.

Dude?

No, no, no, no, I can't do that because I have a kid.

You got a husband, right?

Yes, and he should be able to take care of the kids

- for one night. - Yes, yes.

Here, take it.

I don't know who I am.

You can have it.

I don't personally feel comfortable being disconnected.

You know what I mean?

I have an Instagram following.

You're distracting and deflecting.

Fine, make one more pose.

- Okay. - All right.

Okay.

Honey, you haven't even eaten any of your food yet.

Have a fry, here.

And now the phone.

Okay, when I started to panic and be like, "Where is it?"

Just remind me you have it.

Honey, it's okay, here, airplane.

I will eat the fry myself.

"Sometimes the only way

"from here to there isn't the road less traveled."

"It will make all the difference", Robert Frost.

- Okay, let's do it. - Okay.

Entrada, please come on in.

Oh my God.

Make the space yours.

Isn't it beautiful?

Really, really get a feel for it.

Sponge it up.

Feel it with all of your senses, it's festive.

It's like eggnog exploded.

It feels like a hug.

Yeah, it doesn't it.

- I see aprons. - Go, go.

Hey, I want you to find something that speaks to you.

Have a conversation with it, a positive one,

like a little mystical elf.

- You're still here? - I'm here,

can I have my phone?

That's funny, that's really funny.

Oh my God, are you kidding me?

Not gonna happen.

- Why? - Why?

Because we're here.

I want you to be present

Okay, but I wanna remember this.

This is fun and I don't get to go on vacations a lot.

Remember it with this right there.

That's right, let that be your DVR.

Okay, but can I have my phone though?

Again, I'm gonna be a little oppositional

and say no, okay?

This is not gonna stop is it?

No, also you didn't move.

- Take them. - Thank you!

Come back soon.

You're not a bad person through your indiscretion.

People don't cheat for no reason.

Well, mine was 'cause I was drunk and stupid.

That's an excuse, that's not a reason.

Sometimes you're just not happy.

Yeah, but I was happy

or maybe I just didn't think I was entitled to be happy.

Where's Kara?

I don't know.

Oh, good.

Kara darling,

I'll cover your credit card debt again only if you come home

and get help.

Therapy, I'll happily pay for it, love you.

Hey.

You can come get a wet butt with me if you want.

Okay.

I feel like every decision I've ever made

is the wrong one and I'm just absolutely destined to be old,

pathetic and alone.

Wanna hear something crazy?

I made all the right choices.

College, my career

and still my life fucking sucks.

I got this glamorous, stressful job,

but between taxes, my student loan, my car loan,

I'm pretty much a member of the overeducated working poor.

That's not so sheik in LA.

I don't know

if or when I won't be living paycheck to paycheck

in my shitty apartment in the valley.

So I too will be old,

pathetic and alone.

Second stop!

Obviously need that.

- For what? - For breakfast?

You like breakfast?

I like breakfast.

I don't eat breakfast.

When you have a child,

you can no longer be one.

That sucks.

I know, it's what my mom taught me.

But you know what I've learned Marc

is that sometimes you just gotta say,

- what the fuck? - What the fuck?

Yes, hot rep, dirty '80s.

You see that?

That would make a much better blog post

than your kid eating broccoli for the first time.

It's not the first time I've done shrooms.

I've done them in college.

Yeah, but this is not gonna be like recreationally,

like during your wild sorority rebellious days.

It's gonna reboot that pretty little brain of yours.

This is gonna be spiritual.

It's gonna be medicinal.

And I promise,

Scout's honor to guide you safely, very safely.

Yeah I know, from here to there, I get it, I get it.

To Paradise, to Paradiso.

Look, air freshener

- for your car. - You're deflecting.

Third stop.

Welcome my friends to the show that never ends, ends, ends!

- Okay, okay. - I don't wanna-

- Chill out and give me the shrooms

'cause I need Paradise bad.

It can be meaningful but only if you free your mind!

Ceremony is mandatory!

Clapping, you're clapping.

Okay, I'll clap.

Knees.

- What? - What?

- We were just clapping? - We were just clapping?

Get on your knees.

I'm not getting on my knees.

Stay with me here.

Come on, let's play along.

I don't like being on my knees.

We can't get on our knees.

Get on your knees.

Get up and make it happen.

Oh God, this is how yoga class is gonna go.

This is the fungus of the genus psilocybe.

We have to surrender to the forces of chaos,

to the wilderness of the subconscious.

We're tapping in

to what young would call the collective unconscious

which lives within us all.

So come with me won't you?

Tell me with your eyes.

Tell me only with your eyes.

- Let's do it. - Okay, I'm in.

- Sure. - My guy.

- You sat on those. - A little!

Not like that.

I think they were by your feet.

Not like that grasshopper.

Open the mandible.

It's like taking communion.

Exactly, well done.

How does it taste?

Like shit on a stick.

Oh great, great, great.

Do you have to put it in my mouth?

I mean, are your hands clean?

I mean, do we?

Spiritually, good.

The first shall be last.

- Open, open wide. - Is it in?

Oh God, there it is.

Now what?

I'm trying to open your mind.

I can lead you to the door,

but only you can walk through it.

- Morpheus? - God of dreams.

No, God of matrix.

Howl with me.

I don't hear you howling.

Bay at the moon.

The wolf moon.

Marc, it's really amazing how much stuff you can fit

in the back of that orange Jeep of yours.

That model is surprisingly spacious.

That's why I bought it.

Rest your loins.

Loins are required.

Oh my, desert floor is comfortable.

Fuck yeah.

I can't sleep.

Can I tell you about my marriage story?

Please

After college, I got into my Ford Escape

and I just drove kinda like this

and all the way to this ABC news affiliate job in Las Vegas.

It was really a weird time

because that was when the financial crisis hit

and Peter was actually my news director.

That's my husband.

"Occupy Las Vegas" was happening

and that is when I actually was nominated for the Emmy.

Man, that was a really good story.

And then I found out I was pregnant

and that was a whole other story.

I didn't even know I was pregnant

because it was so crazy with work.

I wasn't keeping track of my period.

I puked on one of the protestors.

At first I thought it was food poisoning

and Peter and I, we weren't married at the time.

Well actually, he was married at the time, but not to me.

That's my big secret.

I was the other woman.

We were having this hot affair,

but he and his wife, they were separated.

Oh, he was separated.

Yeah, we were in love.

It's just, we were just having fun

and it was supposed to be carefree

and it wasn't what he signed up for.

So I even thought about maybe getting an abortion,

which I have never said out loud

to anybody before not even Peter.

What if I was just the fun rebound girl?

Do you love him?

I do, yeah.

- Does he love you? - Hmm hmm.

I've never talked about this with anybody before,

not even my so-called friends.

Thank you for listening.

Thank you.

Everything all right?

Yeah, just need to pee.

I don't know what to do.

Oh well, I'm not a female,

but I think you just kind of gob squat.

Let the body do the rest.

Oh God, okay.

Can I have a little privacy?

Well, you know there's an element out there.

I just want you to be safe.

There's creatures out there.

- I'll turn my back. - Thank you.

Wow, the wolf blood moon.

I love staring blankly into it.

Oh my God, it's so cold.

Yes, the dermis is finally exposed to the atmosphere.

It's a beautiful thing.

There's no toilet paper.

You could try a cactus.

A little unforgiving.

How'd you do?

Hey, hey, hey, what's going on?

Are you all right?

It's just, everything in my life,

it's always come so easy for me,

school, sports and work,

everything except for motherhood.

What if I'm really bad this?

Oh my God, no, stop, stop.

You are not bad at it.

Just stop, let me ask you,

do you love them unconditionally?

And do you make them feel safe?

Yeah.

Then you are a good mom, you are.

And the rest is icing.

I gave my mom the craziest wildest run for her money.

I was just born a fist clenched,

but that was all on me

because she was a great mom.

She is a great mom.

She's the best mom.

Let what scares you set you free.

Let what scares you set you free please huh?

Thank you.

It's nothing, it's part of being a shaman.

- Or shaman. - Shaman.

- Can I tell you a secret? - Okay.

You know those mushrooms?

They weren't psilocybin, they were shiitake on sale.

Tell no one, it's our secret, okay.

Tell me you're joking right now?

That's the end of the convo.

Just get in, come on.

That's it, it's cold out here.

Final stop, Paradise.

You got this, promise.

Face your destiny with courage.

You can do it.

See it, be it.

See it, be it.

Look how tall he's walking.

I know, don't hold it in.

Yeah, no problem.

What the, Sean?

What are you doing here?

Do I need to call the police?

No, no, no, no, please don't.

I've been to Paradise Dawn.

Duh, whatever.

Not this Paradise.

Talk about an oxymoron though right?

City of Angels, yeah,

- talk about an oxymoron. - Touche, touche.

Look, I'm not stalking you.

Well, not in person.

I did come here to win you back.

I paid my ride share from LA to bring me here.

Oh, people in the car, hey, hi.

- Hi! - Hi!

It was a pool.

Anyway, I was willing to do anything to win you back.

I was gonna quit my job and stay here

as long as I needed to,

that was after I contemplated killing myself yesterday.

I almost did.

Jesus Sean, that's a tad dramatic wouldn't you say?

I mean, we dated three months.

- Four, actually. - Four months, my bad.

You were my everything.

You were the one and I knew.

I thought I couldn't live without you.

Yeah well suicide, fucking suicide?

It's the most selfish act.

I know, I'm the epitome of selfishness,

of self-destructiveness, was.

- Dawn- - Whoa, whoa,

what are you pulling out?

Actually, this is why I'm here.

See, that is your contact.

Are you trying to take a selfie?

No, that's your contact.

The camera was just,

- I was in a desert. - That's good, that's great.

It was very pretty.

Here you go, contact, gone.

Pictures of us, gone.

Well, that was one,

- but boom, boom, boom. - Text messages, gone.

What was it?

What'd you want?

- Instagram - Okay, Instagram.

Gotta go, you have a real problem on that one.

Damn, you're good.

- Yep, here you go. - Here we go.

- Here I am right on top. - Unfollow.

- Window open I saw? - Block, block.

- There he is. - You have a firm handshake.

- There he is. - I'll never forget that.

- Bye. - I'm very proud

of you though.

Oh my God, oh my God.

She needs to get that fixed.

It's all right, it's been broken for quite some time.

Well, I won't fix that, get someone to fix it.

- Yes. - Craigslist.

Come back, come back, come back.

Thanks guys, bye.

It happened.

Yeah, new beginnings.

- You look happy. - It's done.

All right man, circle is complete right?

Way to go.

You feel okay?

Actually, I feel pretty good.

- Good. - Let's.

- Shall we? - Yeah, definitely.

Yeah, lets.

May we be old and pathetic, but never alone.

Did you guys know that Paradise is just Las Vegas?

Paradise!

I'm with you always!

Hello!

- Hi mom! - Hi mom!

- Hi guys! - Who's here?

- Hi mommy! - Hi, hello, hello, hello,

- I missed you. - How was your trip?

It was good.

You're home early.

Yeah, I missed you too.

Can I go show you what daddy got us?

Yes please, please, go show me.

- Hi. - Hi.

Oh my God.

So you look very refreshed.

I am, my brain is rebooted.

Is that a good thing?

Yeah, it's a good thing.

I mean, I'll tell you about it later,

but I'm just so happy to be home.

We are so, so happy to have you home.

- What'd you get them? - It's top secret.

What's that noise?

What's that smell?

No problem.

, the rules of the house,

no hats in the house.

, I'm sorry.

You want a snack?

I'm gonna make you a snack,.

Hey everyone, my name is Jenny.

Actually, I was born with the name of Yuping,

but when I was growing up,

that was really hard for my classmates

and my teachers to pronounce

so I told everyone, "Just call me Jen."

And then I entered the workforce and I wanted people

to take me seriously so I said, "Call me Jennifer."

And then I became a mom.

I wanted to be fun and accessible

so I said, "You can call me Jenny."

I just cared so much about what other people thought

because I thought that if they saw me a certain way,

then that would make me happy.

We live in this goal obsessed,

self-help, self obsessed selfie society.

And we think that if we get to this certain place

that we'll be happy,

that we'll have found paradise.

But paradise isn't a place.

It's not a hashtag.

It's not about an Instagram post

or how many followers you have, or how many likes it gets.

Paradise sounds so cliche,

but paradise is about the journey.

A friend of mine once told me

that you can either choose to look at the anxiety

in your life or you can choose to embrace it.

That's my homie.

Another friend of mine showed me

that people aren't always what they seem, not always.

And another friend showed me that life

is absolutely worth fighting for.

Paradise is about connection.

It's about human connection.

And it's about family and friends

and all the people that we meet

on this journey that we call life.

And I know that the story is not as perfect

as I want it to be, but that's okay

'cause I'm not perfect.

This is me,

Jenny, Jen, Jennifer, Yenny, Yuping.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull