Original subtitles

'Alright, back it up.'

Uh-oh.

Whoa!

Remember, it's not just garbage anymore.

Uh, Lois..

...about that article you wrote on the fruit fly infestation

'Do you think, if it's not too much trouble'

you might have another go at it?

'And this time put a little zing into it, will ya?'

Happy to, chief.

It's such an..

...exhilarating subject matter.

If this malathion spray is so safe

why do they tell you to keep

your pets inside when they're using it?

Oh, it's just a precautionary measure.

Oh, that's okay, Rehalia, come on in.

It's okay.

'Well, what do you think we ought to lead off with?'

'The counter-revolution in Russia?'

I believe that's a counter.. Counter revolution, chief.

Well, who can keep track?

What in the Sam hill is goin' on out there?

Oh, you remember, chief.

Today's the day they're using our newsroom as a backdrop

to introduce their new fragrance, Exclusive.

- 'Marketing set it up.' - Marketing?

No, I don't, I don't remember.

Oh, sure, you do.

Yeah, yeah, it's been on for months.

Look, there's Elle Taylor.

April Stephens. I've got to get an interview.

We are never gonna get any work done around here today.

Who cares? Chief, look at her.

Ah, I better not.

'Alice would have my hide.'

Well, how would she find out, chief?

Oh, she's got spies everywhere.

You guys don't think there's any

small possibility that a girl like that

would actually go out

with a man like me?

'I guess not.'

Hyah!

- Hyah! - Unh!

There's a Miss, uh, Miranda to see you, sir.

- Alright, show her in. - Very good, sir.

You cut me off.

You rotten little son of a--

Ah-ah-ah-ah. Temper, temper.

No reason to resort to name-calling.

You canceled my funding, Lex.

Now, how am I supposed to continue my research?

Miranda, let's face facts.

Two years ago, you walked into my office

offering me a working, practical solution

to your theory within six months.

You claimed that by adding

an animal pheromone to your perfume

it would cause the person wearing it

to lose all their inhibitions.

- But I've done it. - Ha!

I can prove it to you.

True, the solid compound wasn't working

but since I reduced it to a liquid form--

No, no, sorry, Miranda, in the final analysis

I do not fund losers.

And, uh..

...what about us?

Us? You were an itch.

You've been scratched.

You can't treat me like that.

This was a labor of love for you.

All for you, Lex.

'Excuse me, sir.'

Lois Lane on the telephone confirming your dinner

'on Friday night.'

Uh, yes, Nigel, I'll take that call.

'Lois.'

'Why, yes, I'm..'

'...looking forward to it as well.'

I'll send a car.

"Newest fragrance exclusive."

"At the world famous Daily Planet."

Ooh, I can prove it to you.

Excuse me.

The beautiful people.

Oh, yeah.

Such a sad comment on society.

Dress a certain way. Smell a certain way.

And the world will love you.

Yeah, that's sad, Lois. Very, very sad.

Anyway, like I said before

we are never gonna get any work done today.

Well, so why don't we just take the day off?

Because it's a workday, Clark.

Well, haven't you ever played hooky, Lois?

Never.

Besides, what is so great about playing hooky?

Just being someplace you're not supposed to be.

Doing something you're not supposed to do.

It's just...fun.

Well, I had fun in high school.

Chess club, math club..

Wow.

What are you saying, Clark?

That I'm not a fun person?

That I don't know how to have fun?

I didn't say a word.

Have you tried my new fragrance?

Oh, no, thank you.

Ooh! What was that? Eau de sweat socks?

- Oh! - Oh, what died?

Stuff probably costs $300 a 1/4 ounce.

Highway robbery.

Whoo!

What about the stories about you and Mel, huh?

Uhh, no comment.

Clark..

Just a sec, Lois, I..

What are you working on?

The dock strike.

You-you know, the two sides

really aren't that far apart.

How far apart are they?

Really?

Lois, are you feeling okay?

Never better.

I just..

...couldn't help noticing how very..

...handsome you look today.

Handsome?

Very.

Oh, I get it.

What do you want? Research? Your VCR fixed?

A ride to the airport? A blind date to your..

No, I don't want anything..

...except you.

Hey there.

Ha ha.

'The name's Olsen.'

Uh, James Olsen.

I guess you've, uh..

You've heard of me.

No, I haven't.

No problem.

Most people..

...know me through my photographs.

Uh, Bosnia, Beirut..

...Nam..

Listen, James--

Please, call me Jimmy.

Listen, let's cut to the chase.

You like what you see.

I like what I see.

So shall we say cocktails tomorrow night?

Your place?

Okay, not a problem.

My place.

Alright.

What seems to be the problem?

Ah, this thing just ate my original.

Let's take a look.

Excuse me.

You seem pretty deft at this.

I've always been good with my hands.

Really?

Lois, please, get a grip.

Ooh, believe me, I'd love to.

Lois, I'm not sure what kind of game you're playing here

but it's making me very uncomfortable.

Let's get out of here.

- Out of here? - Yes.

- So now you want to play hooky? - Mmm, desperately.

What about work?

Forget about work. Forget about time.

Forget about the rest of the world.

Mmm.

- Cochino! - Wait, Espera.

Espera, mi amor!

My darling. My little peach pie.

Chief, what happened? Is Rehalia okay?

Okay, okay doesn't even begin to describe her.

She's the woman of my dreams.

'I wanna shower her with gifts.'

I wanna put her on a golden pedestal.

- What about your wife? - My wife?

Alice? Your wife?

The woman who has spies everywhere?

Oh, well, Clark there's, uh..

...plenty of love to go around.

Elvis never cheated on Priscilla.

He never met Rehalia.

Lois..

...would you give me a minute?

- My.. - Minute's up, Clark.

Come to mama.

Emile, I didn't see you on my schedule.

If you'll give me a moment.. Aah!

Miranda.

What a pleasant surprise.

What can I do for you?

Well, you wouldn't return my phone calls.

So, I just thought

I'd get your attention in my own little way.

You've got it.

Call your man.

Tell him to have your car brought around.

Are we going somewhere?

The Daily Planet.

I think you'll find it..

...very interesting.

Oh, Clark! Where have you been, my darling?

Lois, come with me. We have to talk.

Oh, yes, we do. I have so much to say.

My husband told me to file a harassment suit against you.

If that's what you want, go ahead.

But nothing is gonna stop me from loving you.

Now wait, wait.

I'm content to adore you from afar.

Now, look, I, uh..

I composed a little something for you.

I call it "Rehalia".

I plucked a rose.

I smelled its dew

that fragrant scent embodies you.

Oh, Rehalia.

"I smell its dew"?

Dew doesn't smell.

Lois, listen to me. You are not in control.

Oh, I know, Clark, for the first time in my life.

No, there's something very strange going on around here.

Yes, strange and wonderful.

Lois, you are not yourself.

You've changed.

Everybody around here has changed.

But for the better.

Oh, snap out of it.

I need you to help me

figure out what's happened.

Please. Just concentrate.

- Okay. - Good.

Now, it all seemed to start yesterday afternoon.

I remember.

It seems to have affected almost

everybody in the newsroom.

I mean, maybe it was something

we drank or something we ate.

I had Chinese chicken salad

and you had a steak sandwich with fries.

The models were here with the perfume and..

The perfume!

Jimmy, what are those?

Photos..

...from yesterday's show.

Isn't she beautiful?

And she's all mine.

Jimmy, be careful.

I don't want you gettin' hurt.

Hurt?

How could I get hurt?

- Good morning, Perry. - Gotta run, Lex.

Love waits for no man.

So, what are we looking for?

I'm not sure.

Remember when..

There.

Ah.

Where are you going?

Just downstairs. To the newsstand.

I'll come with you.

I'll be right back.

Cross your heart and hope to die?

Scout's honor.

Ooh.

Have a love balloon..

...handsome.

- Uh, Lois.. - Oh, Lex.

Things have certainly changed around here.

Have they? I haven't noticed.

You haven't..

Mmm.

So, are we..

Are we still on for dinner tomorrow night?

Sure.

But I need you to understand something.

There is only one man in the world for me.

Clark Kent.

Mmm.

Members only.

No problem.

April.

I didn't know you were a member here.

- Are you? - Me?

Are you kidding me? I hate these kind of places.

I prefer to spend my evenings

by a roaring fire

with a glass of wine..

...a beautiful woman..

Look, let's stop playing games.

Hop in.

And I'll show you what you've been missing.

Hans.

Okay, big guy, I get the picture.

Keys, sir.

Jimmy, are you alright?

I think so. What happened?

Come on. I'll take you home.

Lois, it's very late.

Oh, not too late, I hope, for us.

For happiness.

Oh, no, Lois, please, no, don't.

Oh, Clark, I love you.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Lois, please, go home.

You're here. This is my home.

'Lois..'

Ah, you don't know how many times

I've thought about this

dreamt about this.

Well, something like this.

'But, it's not real.'

What you're feeling, is not real.

I don't know exactly how

but there was something in the perfume

that made everybody in the newsroom

drunk, on love.

Lois..

...I cannot take advantage of you like this.

It's remarkable.

I never noticed it before.

What?

You look..

...a lot like Superman.

Oh..

Mnh..

Lois, I can't take it anymore.

If you really want me, I'm yours.

Clark, have you lost your mind?

Oh, my..

Or have I lost mine?

You feeling better?

No.

Are you gonna talk to me?

No. Too humiliated.

Lois, I told you.

You weren't yourself last night.

It's just lucky that stuff wore off

in time to stop you from..

...further humiliating yourself.

Did I really do the Dance Of The Seven Veils?

Mm-hmm.

- All seven. - Oh..

Lois, please..

Let's just forget about last night.

We have to find this Miranda.

We have to find out what's in this stuff

and how and why she's using it.

Come on, I need you.

I need my partner back.

Okay, I'm going home and get dressed.

'I'll be back in an hour.'

And don't even think about making me wait.

She's back.

Looking for something in particular?

Oh, no. Not really.

A gift, perhaps, for a friend

whose love has gone sour.

Why not try my jungle passion?

Pure white petals picked from a flower

grown only in Micronesia.

Mmm.

Ah, well.

I have a very wide selection

something for every occasion.

Do you make all your own perfumes?

Oh, yes. I was trained as a chemist.

Many perfumers are.

Of course, the goal of a fine perfumer is to create

a little chemical reaction.

Haven't we met before?

I believe we have.

I'm Clark Kent.

This is Lois Lane from the Daily Planet.

'Oh, yes, of course.'

I was just up there the other day

sampling my competition's new fragrance

and trying out a new one of my own as well.

Yours had a very interesting aroma.

Is it animal-based?

You have a remarkable olfactory sense, Mr. Kent.

Yes, that particular perfume is, uh..

...quite rare.

What do you call it?

I call it "Revenge".

Can you tell us the ingredients?

Ha ha. Come now, Miss Lane.

Surely, you don't expect me to just give away

all my secrets?

Look, let's just cut the niceties.

Whatever witch's brew you sprayed on us

made half the newsroom Looney Toons in love.

'People were hurt by what you did.'

'Humiliated.'

My friend Jimmy almost got killed.

Surely you're not suggesting

'that I had anything to do with that, are you?'

'I just sell perfume.'

'Perfume that makes people crazy.'

You know, Miss Lane

animals are ruled by their sense of smell.

'We humans like to think that'

we've evolved away from all of that

but sometimes I'm not so sure.

Even so, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Excuse me, I do have some things to do in back.

She's lying.

I know, her pulse rate was over 150.

How do you know that?

Uh, it's just an expression

you know, like she was going a mile a minute

her pulse rate was over 150?

Must be one of those Kansas expressions.

So, we know she did it. How do we prove it?

Ah.

Ah, Miranda. Congratulations.

I'm the first to admit when I've made a mistake.

I hope you've given my offer some consideration.

Yes, I've done nothing but think about it.

Of course, you're aware that there'll be plenty of others

willing to give me a tidy sum for my formula.

Yes, but I'm offering you full partnership, 50-50.

- Seventy-thirty. - Sixty-forty.

- Done. - Good.

A toast to you..

To your brilliant success..

To our new partnership..

To us.

I am concerned about the temporary nature of the perfume.

Forty eight hours isn't much time.

Oh, but I've only been using a one per cent solution.

In its purest form, Revenge would cause

a total and permanent breakdown

of all inhibitions.

Hmm. Excellent.

You know, Lex, I, uh..

I was hoping that this

might be more than just a business relationship

more the way it was once between us.

I think not, Miranda.

I never mix business with other people's pleasure.

But I mean, now, I mean..

Don't you feel anything toward me?

No, I don't.

Now, if you'll excuse me

I have a dinner date.

With Lois Lane?

Yes, Nigel will show you out.

We'll talk tomorrow.

'Get me LexCorp, Tokyo.'

Just think, Miranda, soon the whole world

will bow to our discovery.

Oh, yes, Lex, soon.

Soon all of Metropolis

will know the feeling of love spurned.

'Pheromones.'

'I never heard of them.'

'Sure, you have.'

Pheromones, a chemical substance

secreted by animals which produces

a specific response to other individuals

of the same species.

What did you do, memorize the dictionary?

I'm a speed reader.

Well, luckily, it wears off in 48 hours.

Depending upon a person's metabolic rate.

I don't get it, I mean, Dr. Friedman said

that it should only work if you're already

physically attracted to the person

and then it just overrides your normal restraint.

Right, there has to be some

animal magnetism there to begin with.

All this substance does is inhibit that part of the brain

which acts as an intellectual defense mechanism

leaving the person helpless to control themselves.

But that would mean that I found you..

Clark, you were sprayed. How come you didn't fall for me?

I guess I'm just not attracted to you, Lois.

Liar, you are so attracted to me.

- I guess not. - Guess so.

- Guess not. - Guess so.

Can we get back to the story now, please?

Fine by me.

What was in the fax Jimmy sent you?

A bio on Miranda.

"First in her class at MIT."

Guess where her research is funded.

Luthor Industries.

Lex funds half the scientists in Metropolis.

He probably doesn't even know who she is.

- But I'll ask him tonight. - Tonight?

Yeah, I'm having dinner with him.

He finds me very attractive.

Perfect.

Well, my work is done.

I've got other service calls to make.

But, but, but not so fast.

Not so fast.

Chief, what happened?

Does it hurt?

Only when I laugh.

There's very little danger of that happening

in the near future.

Take a look at this.

"Sexual harassment"?

Rehalia?

That's not the worst part.

Alice kicked me out.

Called me a no-good hound dog.

Now I'm down at the heartbreak hotel.

Chief, you have a defense, a complete defense.

We found that a research chemist

sprayed a pheromone compound on us.

A phera-what?

- Pheromone. - It made all of us--

Some of us.

Fall wildly in love completely beyond our control.

That'd take care of the lawsuit

but what about Alice?

Fight for her, Chief.

Shower her with gifts

write her poems

'put her on a golden pedestal.'

Nah. She'd never buy it.

'It's a lovely dinner, Lex.'

I'm never much for crowded restaurants.

I prefer to eat alone, present company excepted.

What is it?

Are you feeling okay?

Well, yes, of course. I'm never sick.

No, your eyes.

I've never noticed your eyes before.

How rich, how deep

like pools of light.

A man could drown in those pools.

Huh.

Thank you.

Boy, things have been

utterly crazy at the Planet.

You just can't believe--

Your hands.

Well, what's wrong with my hand?

No, I just.. It's so graceful.

So delicate.

Like fine Porcelain.

"Imprison her soft hands and let her rave.

"And feed deep

deep upon her peerless eyes."

You are acting very strangely

'tonight, Lex.'

'How many glasses of wine did you have'

'before I came over?'

None, I-I never drink alone.

I'm never drunk, I'm always in..

...control.

'You, are..'

...the most beautiful creature

I have ever seen.

All of Metropolis.

Oh..

No, no, no, Daru. No, come on, baby.

Come on.

No, you don't need any of that.

Come on.

Oh, that'll do nicely.

Love is in the air.

Hey, Mark.

So, how was your date?

Very...interesting.

What does that mean?

Well, Lex wasn't quite himself.

Well, that must have been a welcome change.

Did you find anything else out about Miranda?

No.

This just delivered.

Thanks.

Hey, how you doing?

Well, I'm back to normal.

Just plain old Jimmy.

Anything?

No. Nothing at all.

Ahem.

Chief, I assume everything is..

Yeah, she, uh..

...dropped the lawsuit.

And Alice?

She let me back in

on a, uh, trial basis.

'Oh, Lois, thanks for that'

'rewrite on the fruit fly piece.'

I got to go, Chief.

'Not on my time, you don't.'

I got to talk to her.

Jimmy! Blast that kid.

How much of that stuff did

you get sprayed with?

'You seemed pretty insatiable for even..'

...well, you.

What are you talking about? What, what spray?

I didn't get sprayed.

Excuse me, April?

I, uh, I wanted to explain.

There's no explanation necessary.

I meet creeps like you every day.

Yeah, that's my point. I'm, I'm not a creep.

I'm Jimmy Olsen, would-be famous photojournalist

all-around good guy

all-around, nobody.

I just wanted to apologize

for coming on to you the way I did.

I-I wasn't myself.

Well, you know, it's too bad.

What is?

Well, for a nobody you're kind of cute.

I'll, um, see you later.

I have a few errands to run.

Good morning.

We thought it best not to wake you

when you dozed off.

I slept here all night?

Yes, sir.

- Uh, were we wrong to, um.. - No.

Oh..

Miss Lane? Uh..

What time did she--

She left early, if you recall, sir.

I drove her home.

Yes.

I'm beginning to recall.

Soon all of metropolis

will feel the pain of love spurned.

Send for my valet.

'I need to dress and leave immediately.'

For the boardroom?

No, for the Daily Planet.

I have to find him.

- Who? - Superman.

Miranda?

Miranda!

Lois, I'm so glad you could made it.

I have everything all ready for you.

- Ready? - Oh, yes.

Well, of course, it was very difficult

replacing all the malathion with my formula.

I don't understand.

Of course you don't, dear

but soon you will.

And then you'll die.

Painfully..

God, love hurts.

Why me?

Just jealous, I guess.

If I can't have Lex, nobody can.

Where's Lois?

She went to run an errand.

Why? What's going on?

I just wanted to apologize for my behavior last night.

What behavior was that?

Well, it's not important now.

What's important is Miranda.

Oh, you do know her?

Yeah, she was working under my auspices.

And last night she sprayed me with her pheromone compound

to make me fall in love with her.

But, it backfired, and Lois came in--

What exactly went on last night?

Well, like I said, it's not important.

The important thing is to try to get to Superman.

Superman?

Yes, he's the only one who can stop her.

The entire city's in danger.

What do you mean?

Yesterday Miranda made a threat.

I think she's planning on releasing her "Revenge"

all over Metropolis.

Can you imagine, an entire city in love?

At least it'd wear off after 48 hours.

No, not if she uses the 100% solution.

That's permanent.

Permanent?

Emotions running wild

love turns to despair, depression, hatred--

Sodom and Gomorrah.

A city without restraint.

Without morality.

I'll fax the police, give them Miranda's description

then try to find Superman somehow.

Good.

Almost 4:00, Mr. Luthor.

Better get those pets inside.

What?

The, uh, fruit fly spraying begins at 4:00.

It's gonna be all over the city.

'Central airport, you're cleared for take-off.'

Wait! You can't do this!

No!

Help! Miranda, no!

'Help!'

Oh!

No! Help!

'No!'

'Help!'

No! No!

No!

- Are you alright? - Oh, now I am.

But, the plane.

She's gonna spray the city.

Ah!

Superman, where are you going?

Why don't you follow me?

Oh.

Anywhere, honey.

Are you alright?

Superman.

It's a good thing that stuff doesn't

have any effect on you.

Or does it?

Hmm.

Ahem.

Lois Lane..

...I love you.

Oh, Superman

you don't know how long I have waited

to hear you say those words.

Oh, but you're not yourself

so I couldn't take advantage of the situation.

Oh, what the heck.

Oh, no. Lois, don't.

I may throw up.

Don't let them take me. Superman, I love you.

Oh, no, Lex, I love you. Will you wait for me?

No.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Hello, I was just wondering

will Miranda be permanently--

Uh, no, I diluted it.

She'll be okay soon.

Now, if you'll excuse me

I've got to fly.

Ah..

Mmm.

I say, is everything alright?

No, Nigel. Something terrible has happened.

Something catastrophic..

The collapse of the world financial market?

No.

Nigel, something worse.

Far worse.

Not like you or any other

normal person perhaps, but in my own..

...strange, perverted way I've..

I've succumbed.

I've fallen in love..

...hopelessly.

Eternally..

I'm in love with Lois Lane.

It's the perfume. Your mind is clouded.

No, Nigel, I'm..

I'm really in love with her.

I'm doomed.

It's incredible, love without boundaries

without insecurities

or hang-ups or reasoning..

I mean, you could be swept off your feet

by just about anybody.

Your problem, Lois

is that you can't admit your true feelings.

That's ridiculous.

Alright.

Maybe somewhere

buried incredibly deep inside me

is some eensy-weensy, microcosmic

although highly unlikely possibility

that I feel some sort of unmotivated

completely unrealistic attraction to you.

Just as long as you're being honest with yourself, Lois.

I even figured out why I was so blind

to think that you look like Superman.

Oh, really?

- And why was that? - Simple.

Every woman in love

thinks their man looks like Superman.