Original subtitles

[ Suspenseful music playing ]

[ Snakes rattling ]

- [ Growling ]

- [ Gasping ]

Aah!

[ Cellphone rings ]

- Find anything of note out

there?

- No.

- What?!

- Just a floating baby head.

- Whoa.

- We need to get you on the

corner of 4th and Oxford.

It's a hot-streets case.

Please use discretion.

- I guess we should check out

that other thing.

- Shouldn't we check this out?

Get tissue, fluid samples?

I mean, what do we do with --

- You always overthink things.

It's a floating baby head.

It's not going anywhere.

- Mm-hmm.

♪♪

- Another one without a body.

This is a hot-street case, so

you can't talk about it, huh?

- Who could do such a thing?

- I'm not sure.

I'm Special Agent Baranski, and

this is my partner --

- Hey!

- ...Forensic Expert French.

- What are you doing?

- From the stretching of the

skin and the flexion fracture of

the spine, looks like the head

was ripped off.

- It's clearly a human head

identified by the human ears,

skin, human eyes, and human

teeth.

Kill by a monster or something.

- [ Growling ]

[ People screaming ]

- Aah!

- [ Whimpers ]

- [ Growls ]

- Let's use my truth serum

formula.

Interrogate them.

- There you go overthinking

things again.

Let's just punch them.

- If you say so.

- [ Growling ]

- Aaaah!

Maybe we should just shoot them.

[ Guns clicking ]

- [ Growls ]

[ Maniacal laugh ]

[ Growls ]

- See?

That was easy.

- Aah!

♪♪

- How you holding up, Jen?

I want you to know you can stay

with me as long as you need.

- Thanks, Uncle Mark.

I still can't believe Mom's

gone.

You're my last living relative.

- And I'm not going anywhere.

By the way, yesterday I was

diagnosed with a brain tumor and

I'm gonna die.

- What?!

- I've got about a week, and

you'll have to move out when

that happens.

You'll be homeless.

- Uncle Mark!

- I don't have a will, so, uh,

take my futuristic FBI computer

phone.

It's pretty cool.

- Wait.

Aren't you investigating brain

monsters right now, and you have

a brain tumor?

Maybe there's a connection.

- Jen, everybody gets brain

tumors eventually.

That's life.

- There has got to be something

you can do.

- I was referred to a surgeon,

but I'm kind of busy right now

chasing monsters and stuff.

Maybe I'll see her later.

- Now!

Please!

- I'll take care of it later.

All right, all right, I'll visit

the brain surgeon.

La-a-te-e-r!

- And your phone, I-I can't --

- Oh, there's some NSA-type

programs on that thing.

You probably shouldn't use

those.

[ Door opens ]

- Wait!

[ Door closes ]

If Uncle Mark dies, I'll be all

alone.

- [ Whimpering ]

- I get it.

You love me.

Who cares? You're just a dog.

- [ Sighs ]

- Huh.

- Pretty dry on brain monster

leads.

- Yeah, maybe we should take a

break and get some brain surgery

or something.

Dr. Steven Davis referred me for

brain stuff.

- [ Growls ]

- Agent Baranski, we've been

expecting you.

Welcome to our facility.

I'm Dr. Jane Brainbrook, and I

will be performing your surgery.

- She's the surgeon?

She's beautiful.

- I think she looks like shit.

- Well, now that you mention

it, she does look like shit.

- I've cloned a small piece of

your cerebellum.

It needs to gestate in your

neck.

- There are two surgeries.

First she's going to grow a new

piece of brain in your neck.

Then she's going to implant it

inside your head, replacing the

area affected by the tumor.

Sounds sketchy.

We should get a second opinion.

- You're just overthinking

things again.

Let's do it.

After we talk about anesthetics.

Ah, so I guess we're doing it

without anesthetics.

All right, that's fine.

- It'll take 30 minutes to

gestate.

Then we can perform the second

surgery.

- Just one quick question about

anesthetics.

- Don't worry.

We'll put you out.

- This is the clinic that

diagnosed Uncle Mark's brain

tumor.

Let's see if this phone works.

Scan criminal database.

- Steven Davis, 46, conviction

of medical fraud in 2002,

battery -- third degree, 2005,

practicing without a medical

license in 2006.

- Hey, what's the big deal?!

Why you hologramming me?!

- Get him, Chubbie Webbers.

- [ Whimpering ]

- Ugh. Get him!

- Why should dogs do this?!

But dogs aren't supposed to do

this!

- I know you're not a real

doctor.

Mark Baranski doesn't have a

brain tumor, does he?

- [ Groans ]

- Does he?!

- Nobody has brain tumors,

okay?!

A lady at the James Newton

Science Center pays me for fake

referrals!

She does experiments or

something!

[ Groans ]

Fuu...

- Ow.

So you're here for brain

surgery, too?

I don't trust Brainbrook.

I don't feel well.

- Well, you look pretty great.

- You look fantastic.

- I can't see.

I think I'm losing my hearing!

- [ Loudly ] I said you look

great!

- [ Loudly ] You look great!

- [ Growls ]

[ Growls ]

- [ Growling ]

- Your first task, my brain

brethren, is to kill

Agent French.

- Chubbie Webbers, I need you

to wear a disguise and distract

the guard while I sneak in.

- [ Whimpering ]

- It doesn't matter what kind

of disguise.

Just distract him.

- [ Whimpering ]

- Oh, come on!

- [ Whimpers ]

Want to play baseball?

Come on!

You know you want to!

- [ Growls ]

- [ Grunts ]

Nice job, Chubbie Webbers.

- [ Nervous laugh ]

[ Clamoring ]

- Hi!

We've got to get out of here.

- If we don't perform an

emergency surgery right now,

your uncle will turn into a

monster.

♪♪

[ Both gasp ]

- I'm not ready to come out

just yet.

- What's Brainbrook's plan?

- [ Maniacal laughter ]

- Time to overthink things.

- Ugh!

- What's Brainbrook's plan?

- She's cooking chili.

- She's building an army of

brain soldiers and teleporting

them to Mars for planetary

conquest.

- You think she's cooking

chili.

- Yes.

- No.

- Can you surgically remove it

from Uncle Mark?

- I'm attached to his spine.

He'll die if you try to remove

me.

- How do we kill you without

injuring my partner?

- There is an intralesional

steroid vaccine -- an antidote,

if you will -- in Brainbrook's

lab in the east wing.

But it's impossible to get to

unless you use Brainbrook's

teleportation device.

Oh, damn it.

- Let's see if I can get the

teleporter running.

I might be able to get it to

work, but it's dangerous.

I'd say there's a 90% chance of

instant death.

- There goes that.

- [ Whimpers ]

- Are you sure?

- [ Whimpering ]

- I don't know what to say.

[ Whirring ]

Chubbie Webbers!

[ Both whimpering ]

- I can change the density

between the two versions.

- Huh.

[ Clanking ]

- So what's your name?

- I don't have a name.

- What's your favorite movie?

- I've never seen a movie

before.

- Where you from?

- Your neck.

[ Clanking ]

- What's your favorite TV show?

- Remember, you're like a

ghost.

They won't be able to hurt you.

- [ Whimpers ]

- Go to the east wing and get

the antidote.

It's all up to you,

Chubbie Webbers.

- [ Growling ]

[ Machine gunfire ]

- Ow!

He shot me in the heart!

Ugh!

Try not to shoot me in the heart

again.

That hurts.

- I'm sorry.

[ Whimpering ]

[ All growling ]

[ Bubbling ]

- Are you okay?

How's your heart?

- I'll be fine.

He missed all the important

valves.

If you're gonna get shot in the

heart, this is the best way.

- [ Whimpering ]

- Oh! Got to switch densities.

- [ Laughs ]

- [ Screaming ]

- Chubbie Webbers!

[ Maniacal laughter ]

- Dumbass!

- [ Whimpering ]

- Aah!

- [ Evil snickering ]

- We have to go in!

- Let's kill some mother

[bleep] brain cells.

[ All growling ]

[ Casings fall ]

- [ Grunting ]

- Wait.

Before you kill me, I have one

final request.

- Go on.

- There's so much I never got

to experience in my short life.

Most regrettably, I will die a

virgin.

Because we are connected, I feel

what you feel.

Jen is here.

We have an opportunity.

- Oh, so you're asking me to

have sex with my niece.

- It's all I ask.

Ugh!

♪♪

- Sometimes your instincts fail

you.

I thought for sure she was

cooking chili.

- I'm just glad you're okay.

You're all the family I have

left.

And you're family, too,

Chubbie Webbers.

- [ Whimpering excitedly ]

- Looks like he wants a belly

rub.

He's earned it, right?

- [ Chuckles ]

He sure has.

- [ Sighing ]

[ Moaning ]

- You're doing a good job.

♪♪