Original subtitles

-Good morning. -Hey.

Do you want to grab some coffee or something?

Nah, I gotta get my day started.

Not to be a dick.

It's cool.

Can you make sure the door locks when you leave?

And I'll try to text you this week

if I get my phone turned back on.

You've reached Swampling Talent Group.

Please leave your name, a short message,

and your call will be returned during office hours.

Thank you.

Hey, Irene, uh, this is Max Kelly.

I'm sorry I missed your call this morning,

but I should be available all day, so

please feel free to give me a call.

Hope you're surviving the heat wave,

and I'll talk to you soon.

Thanks. Bye.

Hey, Max.

What's all this stuff?

Oh, you know Bobby's roommate, um, Derek?

The drug dealer?

No, no, no, the DJ.

Mm-hmm.

Um, he said that Bobby, like, stole one of his tracks

and tried to sell it?

Did he?

No, Bobby swears he wrote it himself.

Cocksucking monster bitch!

But Derek did throw him out last night.

Oh. That sucks.

Yeah.

So, you know, if you need help finding a new spot,

I'm totally down to help you out.

Wait, what?

We- I don't know, we thought that,

with the two of us here, and you, that

that would be a little weird.

Are you serious?

Well you know, I am on the lease.

I'll give you back your deposit.

Can I fix anyone a drink?

Okay.

Hey, where you going?

Come on, where you from?

Pittsburgh.

Pittsburgh.

God, what a shithole.

How'd you escape?

Max is an actress.

Oh, what an anomaly!

So, you see, she's a waitress,

but she wants to be an actress.

That's great. I love it, I love it, I love it.

Hi, Max.

I'm sorry I keep missing you.

This is Daisy Clark, Irene Swampling's assistant.

Um, so I'm afraid I have some very sad news.

Last Friday, Irene passed away.

Well, committed suicide.

Apparently the office had been bankrupt for, like, a while.

I'm really sorry.

Good luck with everything-

Hello?

Max.

Max?

Hi.

Hey.

Did you get-

I just-

Sorry.

Uh, go ahead.

Thanks for the flowers.

You're welcome.

I'm moving back to Pittsburgh.

Wait, what?

Ma-

In the unlikely event of an emergency,

there are several things you should know.

Take a moment to look around the bus-

Oh ha ha.

Max freaking Kelly, come here.

-Ah! -Hey, Will.

Happy birthday.

Thanks.

Gosh, you look great.

I'm really glad you're here.

Yeah.

I really missed you guys.

Jesse's engaged now.

You know that.

I heard.

Hey, can I ask you something?

Sure.

Are you still coming to the show tonight?

Yeah.

Awesome.

Heh.

Hiya, sweetie.

Hey, Dad.

Happy birthday.

I'm sorry I couldn't pick you up.

There was a history department meltdown.

I thought the whole point of being a teacher

was that you got the summers off.

These are nice.

Why do I have to stay in Sarah's room?

Uh-, yeah, well, I'm embarrassed to say that

your room has become a room-shaped pile of stuff

that I should get rid of.

I haven't gotten around to cluttering this room yet.

Oh.

Hey, I don't know how long you're staying.

Well, I'm not going back.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

What?

I put a card in the mail for you yesterday.

That's okay.

Nuh-uh, there's 50 bucks in there.

I mean... 100 bucks.

Hey,

you should call Sarah.

She really misses you.

She never calls me.

She says you never call her.

You look tired.

Hey, you should join me for a run in the morning.

It's surprisingly delightful.

Eh, well, you'd probably just slow me down anyway.

-Aha! Dude!

-You're here!

I didn't even know you were moving back.

Will said you're back, and I was like, "What?!"

But hey, we're gonna play here in a minute.

Hurry up, let's go do a shot. Come on.

-Uh- -Come on, let's go.

-Hey, Jackie. -Excuse me!

Hey, man, we were waiting!

Hey, man, I own this place.

Two shots of Jameson, Jackie.

Hey, did you guys meet?

No.

You're Max, right?

Yeah.

I'm Jackie.

Oh, nice to meet you.

You too.

Welcome home, Max Attack.

Max.

You made it.

Hey.

Uh, Nick, we got to start.

All right. Hey, I'll see you after.

Okay.

Hey, this doesn't work.

I need that back.

Are you fucking serious?

Your card declined. You're stealing.

Well, this is the most janky-ass, fucking bar

in this entire city. It's pathetic.

Oh!

Whoa, whoa.

You fucking, fuck you, pathetic-

Oh my God. Are you okay?

Do you want me to, like, call the cops or something?

Oh.

I feel so alive.

Um, oh.

Here.

And-

on The Hound.

Thanks.

All right, this first song goes out

to our good friend Max Kelly.

Max, are you okay?

Uh, she just moved back to the Burgh.

We're really glad she's here.

And she'd probably kill me

if she knew I told you guys this, but uh,

it's her birthday today.

All right, guys, we're "Albert Einstein."

Stick around, you might learn something.

What about our ska band in high school?

"Secret Explosion Club"?

The first rule of "Secret Explosion Club" is you don't-

Holy shit.

What?

-Oh.

We have been thinking about adding some girl vocals

to one of our new songs.

-No. -Why not?

You can sing.

Yeah, right.

Yinz good?

Yeah, we're good, Jackie. Thanks.

Dude, Max is gonna sing with us.

Don't the other guys get a say?

Hey, guys, Max is going to sing with us.

You're cool with that, right, Jess?

Why not?

It's weird sitting up front.

I'm so used to cabs.

I could charge you if that would put you at ease.

Is that a black eye?

You should see the other bitch.

Not fighting over that boy, were you?

What boy?

Oh, sweetie.

All right, all right.

Who wants a real burger? Who wants an imposter?

I will take a real one.

Impostor for me.

You're a vegetarian too, Max?

Vegan actually.

I could never give up omelets.

Really, what is brunch without omelets?

Hm hm.

Mmm.

Before we dig in, I would just like

to give a brief agnostic thanks.

Who are we agnostically thanking, Dad?

Oh, you know, Google...

Santa...

whoever's listening.

Thank you for this time together, and thank you

that I get to share burgers with both my girls

and one girl's fella.

Thank you for this delicious meal,

and thank you for the love we share.

And, Lizzie, my darling,

I hope it's a neighborly day in the afterlife,

a neighborly day for a beauty.

The end.

Let's eat.

Hey, Dad,

can I get a ride to practice later?

It sounds doable.

Practice?

Yeah. "Albert Einstein" wants me to sing with them.

Isn't that Jesse's band?

And didn't he get married?

He got engaged.

So, Aaron, how are rehearsals going?

Fantastic, David, really fantastic.

Rehearsals for what?

We're in a show together.

Lukas DeWitt's newest,

"Boys Will Be Boys." Do you know it?

No.

That's shocking.

Sarah didn't know it either.

As a thespian, I think it's crucial

to be knowledgeable of contemporary works, so-

The script is really complex.

And you studied drama in New York.

Graduated most likely to succeed.

That's really fantastic, which reminds me...

-Sarah? -Uh-huh?

Don't you have a little birthday surprise?

I do.

So, I know it's a little late notice, but

you have an audition for the lead

in the new City Theatre play.

It was my spot, but I told them you were coming back in town

and they were like, "Oh, we'd love to see her,"

so you're gonna go on Wednesday at00.

And I can drive if that's a problem.

I can't.

Why not?

Hey.

Hey.

I'm sorry.

I should have asked you first. I'm sorry.

I'll do it.

No, it's fine. You don't have to.

I know.

I'll do it.

-Oh, man.

Holy shit. I didn't think we could fit

another person in this room.

Hey, Will, can you pass me a beer?

Whoa.

You can't just throw things at her.

She's not an athlete.

Hmm. Shut up.

I gotta get going. My mom's watching Stella.

Jeez, you're a dad now,

and I just moved back in with mine.

I gotta stop spending money till I get a job.

You're looking for a job, huh?

What kind of job?

I don't know, something easy.

You could always come work at The Hound, you know?

Really?

Yeah, I mean, you can bartend, right?

Yeah.

You'd actually be helping me out a lot.

You know, Becca's starting to work days at the hospital

and Jackie's going out of town, so, yeah.

So I'd be working with Jackie?

Ah, well, I only schedule one bartender per shift, so-

Oh, okay. You-

Yeah, I mean, that'd be great.

Awesome.

Let me know when you want to train.

-Okay. -See you guys.

Later.

Hey, you want to grab a drink or something?

My treat.

Oh, that's okay. My dad's picking me up.

I could give you a ride home.

It's no problem.

Oh, he's already on his way.

Why'd you send me flowers?

It was your birthday.

You didn't send any last year,

or the year before,

or the year before that-

I just wanted to.

I didn't think you'd show up the next day.

When you left, I was like a zombie.

We all knew you were leaving, but no one ever talked about it.

And then you were just gone.

You're the one who said we shouldn't talk.

I'd wake up every day

and wonder what you were doing,

who you were with.

I just couldn't-

But sometimes, I swear, I still pick up on you.

And how you're feeling.

Like E.T.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Why are you in Pittsburgh, Max?

I'm gonna live here.

You're staying with your dad.

You won't get a license.

You'll be gone again in a week.

You're wrong.

You don't belong here.

I make this vegan pizza at my shop,

just in case you ever showed up.

What's it called?

Pizza Party.

No, I mean, the pizza.

Oh.

It's called the "Baby Bunny."

It's just, like, all these vegetables.

Do you love her, Jess?

We should go.

Yeah.

How was practice?

Fun.

And who dropped you off?

Aww.

I'm ready to find an apartment.

In New York?

Here.

Why doesn't anyone believe that I'm back?

Because when you left,

you said you would never move back.

I thought this was more like a vacation.

I finally get an agent, and she hangs herself, Dad!

Well that would be a tough sign to ignore.

Good thing we don't believe in that kind of stuff.

So you're gonna get a job?

Nick says I can work at his bar.

Mr. Walsh just retired.

They'll be looking for someone to replace him soon.

I would rather bartend till I fucking die

than teach theater to high school kids.

All right. So,

what about your license?

I can take the bus.

You know, Sarah didn't want to get hers either.

Sarah wasn't in the car with her.

I know.

You were just such a fearless little thing.

We didn't know where you got it from,

but your mom got a real kick out of it.

Night, sweetie.

Are you going for a run in the morning?

Every morning.

Wake me up, okay?

Okay.

We can see if it'll work.

Hello, cutie pie.

-Hey, Max. -Hi.

Stella, this is Max.

Can you say hi to Max?

Hi, Max.

Hi.

So, uh, Jackie's gonna be training you today.

Oh.

Yeah, I already got the bar all set up.

Hold on one second.

Okay.

Hey.

Love you. Bye.

Uh, Becca's blocking a fire hydrant out there.

Oh, okay.

We're taking Stella to the zoo for the first time today.

You guys are going to the zoo?

-Yep. -Yeah.

-Yeah? -You ready to go to the zoo?

-Yeah. -Yeah, okay.

Here, take my hand.

Make sure you don't fall down getting down. Ready?

-Oh, and uh, hey, Max. -Yeah?

I know this is going to sound super weird,

but, uh, Jackie is really intimidated by you, so-

-Really? -Uh yeah, you know, just-

I know you're a sweetheart,

and I know you'll be super cool to her,

so I just wanna let you know,

just keep that in mind.

Yeah. Sure.

-Ooh.

Oh.

Is it always this slow in the day?

Depends.

When there's a game, it's real busy.

You have a boyfriend in New York?

Nope.

You don't want one?

New York is like Neverland.

It's just a bunch of lost boys with low self-esteem.

Is that why you left?

Not really.

I'd just rather live in Pittsburgh

than die in New York.

Oh, it's gotta be fun though,

acting up there.

I haven't been on a stage in over three years.

When I graduated from high school,

I was going to join the Navy.

I didn't have any money, so I thought,

what the heck?

But while I was driving down there,

I realized,

I don't really want to do anything but be a mom.

So I just turned around, you know?

Yeah.

Plus I'm really afraid to fly.

What was Jess like in high school?

About the same as now.

Is his dad in jail?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's what Will said.

Jess doesn't like to talk about his family,

so I-

Oh shit. Shit.

One of those bottles is leaking. Can you pass me a rag?

Thanks.

We should go out sometime when we're not working,

me and Jess, and you...

-and Will?

I know, but he really likes you.

Maybe.

Maybe?

Good.

No washer and dryer,

but there's a laundromat real close.

Lots of young people in the area.

Oh, and there's, uh, permit parking on the street.

Is there a bus stop nearby?

Uh-huh. About a ten minute walk.

You don't have a car?

No.

I just moved back from New York.

Oh, your parents must be thrilled.

My daughter just left for college.

I hate having the house to myself.

You know, my sister keeps telling me

to try that online dating.

I'm just too old-fashioned.

Me too.

You can't even tell.

You look great.

Want me to come up with you?

No.

'Kay.

I'll wait down here then.

Break a leg.

What happened?

Thank you.

...four hands, one heart.

Yinz decide where you're going on your honeymoon?

Well, um-

we haven't picked a date for the wedding yet, so-

But I know Jesse wants to go to Paris.

Paris...

is a classy choice.

It is, but I'm too scared to fly.

I'm sorry.

I mean, I could always get drugged up.

Well, we don't have to fly.

We could go to Cleveland, for all I care.

Cleveland? No!

No!

No Cleveland.

Babe, seriously, anywhere is fine with me.

No, that's okay. I mean,

it's not like we're gonna leave the hotel room

much anyway, right?

Man, it's so crazy how life turns out.

I mean, I remember Jesse,

before he met Max.

Man, he was too scared to even talk to her, but

he'd been going around saying,

"I'm gonna marry Max Kelly."

"I'm gonna marry Max Kelly!"

He'd bet me all this ridiculous shit

that he was going to marry Max Kelly.

I was like, "Forget it, dude."

"She's way too cool for us."

Then, they actually started dating,

and good God, every day he was like,

"This girl's my soul mate!"

"We have an ancient love."

And now it's like,

here we are.

Just goes to show,

you never know how things are gonna turn out.

Thanks.

How was your double date?

Nightmarish?

Well, it's good you're giving someone

besides Jesse Miles a shot.

You mean Will?

Eh, yeah.

Still, it's good to get out there.

What about you?

What about me?

Do you ever go out with people?

I am going out to the woods with some pretty wild dudes.

I mean women.

Nope.

Here.

What's this?

That landlady I met with yesterday was really cute.

She's divorced,

lives alone,

wears glasses.

It's been nine years, Dad.

Yeah, I'm just not interested.

See you Monday.

I hate this.

I don't care.

What if I just promised to keep my eyes closed?

You won't.

Ahh, I'm getting carsick.

You're not. You just hate surprises.

All right, we're here.

Surprise.

Get out.

If you're going to get your own apartment,

you're gonna need a license.

There are no other cars around.

We'll just keep it in the lot.

Come on, Bunny. You got this.

Hey.

Hi.

Come here. Come here.

Max, this is Pirate.

Say hi.

Hi, Pirate.

Do I get a tour?

Sure.

This is the living room.

That's a TV.

A football.

Is that a kitchen?

It is. Yeah.

Hold on.

Oh, God.

I can't believe I convinced you to go to prom.

I wanted to go.

Yeah, right.

I just didn't have enough money.

Your dad rented me that suit.

I have a box too.

Fuck.

Um, fuck.

All right.

Okay.

Truth or dare?

Truth.

Why'd you pick her?

I didn't. She picked me.

How'd it happen?

She started working at The Hound.

Asked me out.

She's blonde.

Yeah.

Do you like that?

I don't not like it.

What else don't you not like about her?

Stop.

I want to know.

You met her.

She's just...real?

She makes me feel good enough.

She thinks it's cool that I own a pizza shop.

And I play guitar.

I didn't make you feel good enough?

I grew up on food stamps,

always getting beat on.

Before your mom died, you showed me

what it felt like to be cared about.

Then after the accident,

you let me be there for you.

That meant everything to me.

Helping you.

You're more than just a girl to me.

Through the basement.

Take this. Take this.

Hey.

Hey.

Is everything cool?

Yeah.

She, uh,

yeah.

What?

She got us tickets to Paris for our honeymoon.

What's that?

A "Baby Bunny."

I'm too hungover to eat.

Why'd you leave New York?

I told you.

Things got bad.

What things?

Life things.

Work things.

Where were you working?

Some fancy lounge downtown.

What about acting?

Were you auditioning?

At first, yeah.

And then you stopped?

Couldn't get an agent, and then-

You don't need an agent to act.

You told me that.

I really hate auditioning.

So you just gave up?

You don't understand.

I was all alone there.

I would've come with you.

You would be miserable in New York.

Even you admitted that.

But when you told me you had to move there

to have this life that you wanted, I believed you.

Now you're telling me you left me here

to be some miserable waitress?

I can't handle that.

I tried.

You didn't!

I did!

If you tried, if you really tried,

you wouldn't be standing behind this

fucking bar right now.

You're smart and you're talented,

and everybody knows it.

And if you're miserable,

it's because you didn't try hard enough!

And that really fucking hurts.

Then marry me!

Marry me, Jess.

Then marry me instead.

Okay.

Okay?

Okay.

I'll text you later.

Okay.

You're wearing a tie.

I know.

It's hot in here.

I know.

I can't breathe.

Mm-hmm.

Let's go for a drive.

Yeah.

Okay.

When are you going to tell her?

She's going to visit her sister in Erie next weekend.

So, after that?

I was thinking before.

Yeah.

I guess I gotta quit the bar.

And do what?

I'll figure something out.

I feel sick.

Are you sure about this?

Yeah.

A hundred percent?

Can you close the door?

What are you doing here?

There's a fundraiser at the theater tonight.

We just came here to rehearse.

Fuck.

Sarah?

Sarah, wait.

What?

What are you doing?

What am I doing?

Have you totally lost your fucking mind?

What? You just gave up on everything

so you could come home and fuck your ex-boyfriend?

I'm not fucking him.

You know what, I don't even care.

I don't care, because you don't have any self-respect,

so why should I give a shit?

Sarah, uh, the path of the artist

isn't always the straight one-

Shut the fuck up, Aaron.

You're pathetic.

Hey, Max, that's where you come in.

You okay?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, guys.

It's okay. It's hot as hell in here.

Let's take a break.

Oh, hey, Max, I've been meaning to ask you,

can you pick up a few shifts for Jackie

while she's in Erie?

I mean, I'll be there at night to help.

Yeah, sure.

But probably starting a new job soon.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Remember Mr. Walsh?

Uh, the drama teacher, Mr. Walsh?

Yeah.

They want to talk to me about replacing him.

I have an interview next week.

That's awesome.

I didn't know you wanted to be a teacher.

Hey, I was thinking for the next show,

we should all wear...

swimsuits.

Pass.

Mega pass.

It could be funny.

Like, uh, The Beach Boys

and a Girl.

What's wrong with a little pageantry, huh?

Hey, quiet, guys.

Hey, I got your voicemail.

Did you find him?

How'd he even get out?

Okay, babe, babe, take a deep breath.

Okay. I'll leave right now.

I love you.

Okay.

Pirate's missing.

I gotta go.

Poor Pirate.

He's like their baby.

Max?

Max? Are you awake?

Hold on.

No.

I can't hear you.

Stop, Aaron. Go away!

Max?

Wait. Calm down.

Where are you?

Sarah?

Sarah?

Hey.

Max?

You're okay.

We're going to take you home, okay?

-Oh, god.

Okay. You're okay.

I'm sorry.

No.

I broke up with Aaron.

I got to the party and he was making out with someone else.

I will fucking murder him.

It was a guy.

A guy!

Oh.

You know what? You know what?

It's good to date gay guys when you're young.

Then you know the signs for later.

I miss Mom.

I know.

Me too.

I got you. Come on.

Get up. Here.

Okay, you're up.

Ooo, you're up.

I'm sorry I stopped calling you.

I stopped because

I just stopped having good news.

You don't need good news to call me.

I just didn't want you to know I was a failure.

You're not a failure.

You're the bravest person I know.

You always just did things your own way.

I made so many mistakes.

They're only mistakes if you didn't learn anything.

Okay, Aaron.

What?

No.

Noooo.

Stop.

I do now let loose my opinion;

hold it no longer.

This is no fish, but an islander

that hath lately suffered by a thunderbolt.

Alas!

The storm has come again!

My best way is to creep under his gaberdine.

There is no other shelter hereabouts.

Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.

I will here shroud till the dregs of the storm be past.

You were a weird little kid.

Yep.

Are these your parents?

Yeah.

They were in a theater troupe after college.

That's where they met.

"The cast included seasoned local talent,

"as well as one child actor,

"Max Kelly...

"who expressed a maturity and depth

"well beyond her years.

"The future for this young actress

"is sure to be a bright one."

You gotta go back to New York.

I know.

What about you?

I'll be right here.

Morning.

Good morning.

Did you catch anything?

I can assure you that no fish were inconvenienced

in the making of this weekend.

Sorry, Dad.

Is Sarah up?

Sarah's here?

We had a sleepover.

No, I haven't seen her.

Look what I found.

I seem to have misplaced my hair.

Mm.

Why'd you stop acting?

I suppose that the pleasant answer is

I love history,

I love teaching...

but if I'm really being honest,

I just wasn't all that great an actor.

I don't believe you.

Well, I don't know that I would have admitted it

in my youth, but looking back, I know it's true.

What about Mom?

Oh, she was worse than me.

What?

Hey, even parenting requires some occasional acting.

We kept up that Santa crap

until you girls were in middle school.

You know, all parents really want

is to produce spawn that they can brag about.

I brag about you girls all the time.

I'm moving back to New York.

Oh, honey.

I'm so glad.

On this last song we're gonna be featuring

the musical talents of our good friend Max Kelly,

and I think you guys are going to like it.

Max, where you at?

Before we go here, I just want to take a second

to wish Max a safe trip back to New York City.

And, uh, you know,

we're going to be thinking about you back here.

To Max.

Thanks again, everybody, for coming out tonight.

We're "Albert Einstein," and we're fucking geniuses.

One, two, three, four...