Original subtitles

(ominous music)

- What you mean there wasn't an earthquake last night?

Ground was shaking like my old lady's cellulite.

- Man, I'm not saying the Earth didn't shake,

I'm just saying there's nothing

humanalogical about it. - Well, it was on TV, genius.

4.5 they said.

- Hey, our TV says a lot of things.

- This another one of your conspiracy theories?

- Can you keep a secret? - Maybe.

- It was aliens. - Aliens?

- Yeah, aliens you heard me.

They're practicing death rays on us all the time,

earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis.

Now tell me this,

if the Earth is made out of 71 percent water,

how come they are always hitting

densely populated areas, hmm?

Now what--

- You dumber than a box of hammers, you know that?

Well, you so dumb, you,

you dumber than Roux over there,

and that's saying something.

(both laughing) - That one Roux

is pretty stupid.

- Hey, you fellas feel that earthquake last night?

- Man, that wasn't no earthquake,

and I don't care what you or him say.

(Roux groaning) - You okay there, big fella?

(Roux groans)

- Something bit me last night, something fierce.

- Last night, huh?

Sure it wasn't a woman?

- Couldn't have been a woman,

I was in bed at the time.

(both laughing)

- What are you two slack offs laughing about?

- Nothing boss. - Good,

'cause I want those eggs loaded and in town tout sweet.

Roux, front and center. - Yeah, boss.

- Something getting in the henhouse.

Found two of them dead this morning.

- You think it's a fox?

- Well, that's what you're gonna find out.

Take the shotgun head on over there.

- You want me to kill it?

- That's the general idea.

Just be careful don't point that at anything

walking on two legs, you hear? - Yeah, yeah boss.

You, you can count on me.

- Whoa! - Whoops.

(Roux laughs)

(suspenseful music)

- [Worker] Get on out of here!

(ominous music)

- Eww!

Oh!

(Roux groaning)

(Roux groaning loudly)

(spider hissing) (suspenseful music)

(Roux groaning)

Argh!

(spider screaming)

(upbeat country rock music)

* Well all the girls I've known before *

- Paul! * Have left me hungry

* Left me poor

- Aren't you forgetting something?

- Hey, I didn't wanna wake you up.

You know, I'm late for work

and uh, you looked like an angel laying there.

- Call me.

* So won't you marry me a whiskey bottle *

* Give me a kiss and let me take a sip of your love *

* Suzie left me with a broken nose *

* And when Amy left she took all my clothes *

* Jenny turned out to be a man

* And Katie took off with my van *

* Another one just walked out the door *

* I ain't got no damn luck baby that's for sure *

* So won't you marry me a whiskey bottle *

* Give me a kiss and let me take a sip of your love *

* So won't you marry me a whiskey bottle *

* Give me a kiss and let me take a sip of your love *

* So won't you marry me a whiskey bottle *

* Give me a kiss and let me take a sip of your love *

* So won't you marry me a whiskey bottle *

* Give me a kiss and let me take a sip of your love *

(birds squawking)

(distant people chattering)

- [Woman] Nice set!

- Seriously, two hours late.

That's a new low, even for you.

- Oh, sorry Pops, you're right.

Things just got a little

out of hand last night.

- Well, I hope you had fun.

It just cost us the first big money charter of the season.

It's coming out of your pay.

- What, they canceled?

- Yeah well that's what tourists do when they show up

for a grand tour the Louisiana swamp

and their transportation is missing!

- Missing?

What's he talking about?

- You don't remember anything from last night, do you?

- Uh, it's all a little hazy.

- Dammit, son.

You didn't even know who she was?

- Good news, I just talked to Moe

and our boat is caught on a bank

about a mile below Gators Way.

He saw her on his way in this morning.

- Please, please tell me that she's still in one piece.

- As far as he could tell. - See, good news!

Glass half-full, Pops.

- Yeah.

- Uh, y'all have any Bayer?

- Don't you think it's a little early, Paul?

- Ugh...

Bayer, you know like the Tylenol?

You know, I was asking if you had any Bayer.

- Come here, come on, I wanna show you something.

- Pops, Pops. - Get, get, come on.

I wanna show you something over here.

You see this? - Who's that handsome devil?

- That's me, when I was your sister's age,

defusing mines in the Gulf of Tonkin,

risking my ass every day.

What the hell have you ever risked, huh?

Except for STDs and a swollen liver.

- I put my time in Pops. - Yeah, yeah,

the least amount that you can get away with.

That boat was your responsibility, Paul.

It was your only responsibility.

From now on Pepper is gonna handle the boat tours.

- What?

- You're demoted to driving the trolley bus.

- Pops you said I'm the face of Lacrosse Adventures.

- Yeah and if you ever wanna be the head,

you'll shut up and do like I tell you,

or you're gonna be shucking oysters the rest of your life.

- You won't regret this, Daddy.

I'm gonna restore some pride to the family name.

(Paul mumbling) - Let's go, honey.

You got a bus tour leaving in an hour.

Don't screw this up or you're outta here.

There's no more second chances.

(melancholy music)

(girls chattering)

- I hear it's really massive, but...

(girls giggling) - Whoopsies!

- Take a picture, it'll last longer.

- I just did, heh heh heh. - That's disgusting.

- [Charlie] Alright girls, come on, get on the bus.

- We gotta get going Charlie.

I scheduled this tour for noon.

- I know, I know, I know, I gotta wake up Barb.

Hey, Tam, Tam, Tam, do you know where my hard-working

punctual assistant is by any chance?

- She said she wasn't feeling well, Coach.

I think she's still up in her room.

- Ha ha ha, I told her to take it easy on the champagne,

I swear I did.

Hi, guys. - Hurry up, Dad.

- Come on. - I'm hurrying.

(knocking at door)

Barb.

Come on, wake up, we got a long drive today.

You decent?

Barb? (Barb groans)

Barb?

(dramatic music) Oh, my god!

- Help me. - What happened to you?

- Whoa let's see New Orleans.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what?

That might be a bit of a problem.

- Now what? - Barb can't go.

It's like she had herpes on her face.

- [Katelynn] I could care less about her.

I want you to come with us on the tour.

Don't come with us, and there's gonna be a huge problem,

between all of us. - Well, you know what?

It's not my fault that she got bitten, okay?

- Bit, by what? - I don't know.

She wasn't making a lot of sense.

She had these like weird scary cysts over face.

- Maybe it's the Black Death, that causes cysts.

- Oh crap, really? - Yes, it does,

but I don't think they have a plague

from the Middle Ages in New Orleans.

- Could be leprosy.

- It's not leprosy, it's not the Black Plague.

- It doesn't matter, I called an ambulance,

so they'll take care of it, right?

It'll be fine, it'll be fine, and you guys,

you guys are late for the tour, alright?

So, you guys gotta get there.

- What, you're really not gonna come?

- Barb's gonna be out of commission

for a little while, okay?

Somebody's got to drive these Amazon's

back to Houston, right?

- Dad, I'm not sleeping in there.

It's probably infested with bedbugs,

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah you're right.

You guys should get a hotel.

- Some vacation, huh? - It'll be fun.

I'll make it up, I'll make it up.

Have fun guys.

* Walking through these hills

* Walking through these shores

* Walking through these hills

* Walking through these shores

* Walking through these hills

* Walking through these shores

* Walking through these hills

* Walking through these shores

(knocking at bus door)

(man groaning)

(lighthearted music)

(ears ringing)

- Hey yo, what's up homie?

You our driver, yo? - Yeah, looks that way.

- You look like you been through hell.

Well anyway, I'm Glen, this is my wife Tina.

- Hello. - Enchante, madam.

- Ooh, honey did you hear that, he speaks French.

- Yeah, whatever. - He must be Cajun.

- Anyway, come on, come on. - Okay, thank you.

- Ha ha ha, that's what I'm talking about, baby.

I told you, I'm legend Cajun in life.

- You're special. - You enjoying yourself?

- This is so exciting! (both chatting quietly)

- I see we're short a few.

I guess black bus couldn't make it, so.

You must be Mr. Gram-po-what-ska, or something another.

Can I just call you Gramps?

- If you want my cane up your keister.

- Alright.

- Sorry, we're late, Blackwells party of three.

We're short one, my husband couldn't make it.

- Uh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Ah, we're ready to roll, excellent.

(clears throat)

Oh...

My name is Paul.

I'm gonna be your tour guide today.

If you have any questions, please,

a dollar in the tip jar and ask away.

- Let's get this show on the road, how's that for a tip?

- Buckle up your seat belts.

- [Justin] Hey, we don't have any seat belts.

(lighthearted music)

- Canal Street was in fact named after a canal

that was meant to be built and never was.

It was once the widest street in the world,

and to your right, Bourbon Street.

Most people don't realize that Bourbon Street

was actually named after the French royal family,

not the whiskey,

although there's one last place in the country

you can still drink on the street.

- Hey, you know that's right.

- Ooh, I'll bet the booze is really good here.

Hey driver, can we hop off and get some cocktails?

- Sure if you wanna tuck and roll.

'Cause this tram don't stop for nothing.

(funky music)

- What is with you and those peas?

- It's protein.

It puts hair on your back, you should try it.

- I can see that.

- Justin, eat them, open your mouth, Justin.

- Annabelle, cut it out! - Open your mouth!

- Ugh, it's like I swallowed the Sun!

- Please?

Can I ask a question?

Last night there was an earthquake.

I mean, that's not common in these parts is it?

- [Paul] It it depends on how much bourbon you've had.

- We felt it too.

I almost peed in my pants, but Glen thought it was funny.

- It says here that New Orleans is below sea level

and sinking all the time.

Maybe that's what we felt, the city sinking.

- You're thinking of Venice.

- I am not, it says so right here.

- Hey, a voodoo shop, can we stop please?

- Young lady like I said before,

this tram don't-- - Stop!

(ominous music)

- I need y'all to stay put.

- What is that?

- It smell like natural gas. - I'm lactose-intolerant.

- There's a huge shale layer under Louisiana.

Maybe this is some sort of biogassing.

- Hey, look, look at that, out of my way!

- That's disgusting.

- It's not just disgusting, it's nature.

- Oh, I didn't know they came that big.

- Let me see that.

Huh.

It doesn't have any eyes.

It's blind. - Oh, poor little guy.

- Well, it probably lives underground in the dark.

It doesn't need them.

- Somebody should get him a little white cane.

- Are you some kind of scientist?

- I teach eighth grade biology.

- I knew it.

- Let me see that thing.

- Ew, gross! (spider hisses)

- Feisty little fella isn't he?

- Hey, I'm gonna need y'all back on the bus.

- Uh, guys. (all whimpering)

- Something on my face?

(all shrieking) Ooh, what is that?

- This tour officially sucks!

Gimme that! - What are you doing?

- [Justin] This thing is obviously dangerous.

- [Annabelle] I was gonna keep that.

- You always do this. - Now, out!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Hey, I got him, I got him,

I got him, I got him.

(spider thumps)

(Paul breathing heavily) I have to work on my putt.

- What was that? - Did you see how big it was?

- Gramps, get on the bus, get on the bus!

(banging on metal roof) (spiders squealing)

- Back on the bus!

Come on, get on the bus, come on!

- [Glen] You drive us now!

- Please tell me that was a coconut!

- Something is on the roof.

- Shut the windows, shut the windows.

- [Paul] Everybody grab your seats!

(tires squealing) (dramatic music)

(spiders thunking) (electricity crackling)

(spider hissing)

(suspenseful music)

- What are we stopping for? - Gotta get gas.

- Are you sure this is a good idea?

Those things are right behind us.

- [Glen] Yeah, but I think we lost them.

- Yeah, maybe they found someone else to chew on.

- Spiders don't eat people.

I don't care how big or how blind they are.

- On Okinawa I saw a tarantula size of a grapefruit

suck a man's eyeball right out of his head.

Of course, he was dead at the time.

- Come on, let's go. - Where you going?

- See if they have some bug repellent or,

or bear traps or something.

- Good call. - Hey, wait up.

- Guys, stay where I can see you.

(suspenseful music)

- What can I do you for? - Hey, do you have

any Raid or bug spray?

- You got a couple critters to whack, huh?

- Yeah, you got any insect repellent or not?

- If I do, it'd be on aisle seven.

- Aisle seven. - Seven.

- How is 9-1-1 busy?

- Did you see those things?

This is definitely a brand new species.

- Yeah, maybe they'll name it after you.

- You don't get it, I have a master's in zoology

and I have never even heard of this.

- You must be a big hit with the eighth graders.

- This is not funny.

- Depends on your sense of humor.

(Katelynn sighs)

- Life must be easy for you, huh?

You flash that dopey smile and things go your way.

This is different.

- Whatever this is,

it'll be wrapped up in time for the 6:00 news.

- Don't you care that people are in danger?

- Yeah, I care, but I'm a tour bus driver.

I'm not the Green Power Ranger.

- Oh, watch it!

- Watch this!

(walk sign beeping)

(Katelynn whimpers)

- Come on!

(mellow jazz music)

- That's it.

- This expired two years ago.

- Beggars can't be choosers.

- Guys, they're coming! - Spiders!

- They're coming, they're coming!

- Jumbo's spiders, some as big as dwarves.

- Jumbo dwarves?

- Call the police, call the exterminator.

- Exterminator? - Am I speaking Chinese?

- What part of jumbo spiders don't you understand?

- Call somebody, anybody.

- What did I miss? - He's calling

the exterminator.

- Man, I don't feel so good.

(bubble pops) (women shrieking)

(all whimpering) - Oh, God.

(spider chattering)

(suspenseful music) (all groaning)

(eggs crunching) (spiders chattering)

- [Paul] Oh!

- Argh! - Come on, Paul!

- Argh!

You disgust, argh!

(dramatic music) (spiders chattering)

- This what you want, playboy?

Huh?

(Justin shrieking)

(both whimpering)

(Anabelle screaming)

(dramatic music)

(wine gurgling)

(fire roaring) (spiders screaming)

(cans rattling)

- You think it's dead?

- I don't know, check it and see.

Looks pretty dead to me.

- Glen! - Go, go, go, go!

- Oh, there's a giant spider right there!

(all whimpering)

- What, what do we do now?

(suspenseful music)

- What, what did I do?

- You're in control, what do we do now?

- Uh, just a second.

- What, who are you calling?

- My boss. - Your boss?

- No, babe.

(phone rings)

- Yeah. - Pops.

This is Paul, listen there's a problem.

- I don't wanna hear any problems, Paul.

- Listen to me. - You listen to me.

I told you what would happen if you screwed this up.

You're 30 years old, start acting like it.

- Pops. (phone beeps)

(suspenseful music)

Pops.

- Everything's gonna be okay.

He hung up on me. - Be cool.

- Hey, listen to this.

This says here that the shale layer

goes all the way to Houston.

- No way. - What does that mean?

Is it happening back home too?

- Charlie.

(swamp life chattering)

(hip hop music) (girls chattering)

- Whoo! - Woah, come on!

- Go girl, dancer. - Dig it.

* It drives me crazy

* I got it baby

* I got it baby

* Girl * I got it baby

- [Charlie] Hey, this is Charlie,

leave me a message, and I'll hit you back.

- Dammit, Charlie!

(glass shatters) (Katelynn screams)

- Why is there another spider?

There's another spider. - Another spider?

- Okay, listen, get to the bus.

Get them out of here, okay.

I'll hold this one off, y'all go, go!

- But, baby! - Listen, babe, go.

I'll be there in a minute, okay?

Just go!

(spider hissing)

(can thunks)

(dramatic music)

- Y'all hold up!

Come on, sir, come on. - I'm coming, I'm coming,

I'm coming. - You can do it.

- Huh, wait, oh dear!

(spider hisses) (muffled groaning)

- Paul, come on, leave him, he's dead already.

(tires squealing)

- Give it some gas, honey. (motor revving)

Alright, we got it.

Alright, okay, keep this together.

- Throw me the rope.

(Petra gasps)

Dad!

- What? - Look.

- Is that? - Well, that's Armand alright.

Damn, you see that scar right there?

Propeller did that to him back in '02.

What the hell happened to him?

- What are those things? - Beats me.

You know, Armand was getting old,

but he was still the toughest son of a gun in a swamp.

- Hope Mama is okay.

- Ain't nothing alive that could take on

one Louisiana Gator let alone two.

The old girl is probably in mourning.

We'll report it when we get back to town.

Come on. - Alright.

(motor rumbling)

(dramatic music)

(sirens wailing)

- They're blind.

They must be using some sort of echolocation

to find their prey. - Like bats, like bats.

- You alright? - Yeah.

- Aw, what's this?

(suspenseful music)

- What are you stopping for?

What the hell are you doing?

Make a left.

- Dude left is gonna take us back into the Quarter.

Those roads are made for horse carriage, not trolleys.

- We appreciate the trivia and everything,

but enough is enough! - Yeah!

- Right, okay this tour is officially over.

You're no longer the captain.

Give me the keys, I'm going back.

- Dude, you ain't the tour guide of nothing, chill out!

- Don't tell him to chill out!

At least he's trying to get us outta here.

- We're on the same side. - Forget that.

You screwed up and you're messed up.

Whoever want me to drive this bus, raise your hand.

- See?

Hey, come here!

- Dude, dude, we can talk about this.

- Gimme the keys! - Calm down.

- Gimme the keys! - Nope!

Nobody picks me, put me down!

Nobody picks me up, man!

- Gimme the-- (ominous rumbling)

(suspenseful music) (woman screams)

- What was that?

- I don't know, I think another earthquake.

(explosion echoes) (dramatic music)

- [Paul] Get outta there!

- Gimme the keys! - Get off me, man!

Sit down!

Sit in! - Just get us outta here!

- Mom?

- Her inhaler has run out.

(engine rattling) - I can't find the spare.

- She always keeps it in her purse.

- I know, but I can't find it, Justin.

- No, she's not looking too good.

- No kidding, we gotta get her to a drugstore.

- A drugstore, now?

- There's one right across the street from the shop.

- How far? - Uh, 10 minutes tops.

- It doesn't matter, anywhere but here, go go go!

- Yes. (engine roars)

Come on! (tires squealing)

- Oh my God, Dad.

The French Quarter.

- [Dad] Your brother better not have anything

to do with this.

- [Paul] Hey, this is Paul, I'm not in right now,

probably because I'm out doing something awesome.

- Stay with the boat, don't move.

- Where are you going?

- I'm gonna find your brother,

and when I do I'm gonna kill him.

(suspenseful music)

(spiders hissing)

(guns firing)

- I don't wanna hear it.

- [Glen] Why would you even stop right here.

- You said go this way.

- You the one, you, this is your city.

- [Paul] How is supposed to go through the town,

make any difference if you're driving or if I'm driving.

We'd still run into cops.

- [Glen] This is crazy, they're shooting at everything.

(phone ringing)

This is why you have a dollar tip.

- Hey, I earned that dollar. (girls screaming)

- Yeah, girl! - Go get it, girls!

(electronic dance music)

(girls moaning in disapproval) - Hey, calm down,

I got a call. - What, why are we

not getting-- - Hey!

How's my little princess?

You guys enjoying your tour?

- Dad, there's spiders everywhere.

- You guys at the zoo? - No I'm not at the zoo.

I'm in front of the drugstore. - Drugstore?

(gun firing)

Hey wait a minute, is that gunfire I hear?

- Dad, I need you to listen to me.

Now, there's giant spiders

and they're coming out of the ground.

I think that's what got Barb.

- I told you if I caught you huffing that crap

one more time, I would-- - Dad, they're everywhere!

- Grounded for life, I'm not even joking.

- Dad, I'm not high!

Mom's having an asthma attack, and I can't find a refill.

- Calm down, okay, it'll all be taken care of...

What the hell is that? (girls chattering)

Holy crap, hold on!

(tires squealing)

I'm very nice! (bus crunches)

- Dad, Dad?

- Are you insane, Mr. College Boy,

you don't have to show me,

you got to show me your master's degree.

You don't have a master's. - I'll show you my master's.

(steam hissing) (Charlie panting)

- What are you thinking, you look divine!

I like that.

- Is everybody okay?

(siren wailing)

(Katelynn gasping)

- I'm sure there's something we could do.

I know mouth to mouth. - Don't even think about it.

- That won't work, asthma constricts the airways.

Oxygen can't get into the lungs.

- [Paul] Hey, wait a minute, heliox?

- What? - Heliox.

It's the helium oxygen mix that divers use.

- And?

- At the bottom of the ocean, you can't breathe normal air,

'cause it's too much pressure, so they use heliox,

'cause it takes less energy to ventilate the lungs.

I think it's the same principle as an inhaler.

- Can you get us some?

- Yeah, he's got two tanks on his boat with his dive suit.

- Great, where's the boat?

- Five miles up river. - What?

- You gotta be kidding me, right?

(horn honking)

- Pops?

Pops, move!

- This place is crawling with giant spiders.

Please tell me this isn't your fault.

- What? - Just follow me.

- Okay, but keep an eye out,

'cause this place is crawling with spiders.

- Come on!

(suspenseful music)

- One, two, three, push, push!

(engine rumbling)

Come on, put some nuts into it!

- Coach, it's no good, it's really stuck!

- Tammy, you take the wheel.

You know what, maybe we need to shift the weight

to the back of the bus, so get back there.

Alright, go, go.

You're supposed to push the gas when I say go.

- What?

(suspenseful music)

- Hey, Petra, what's up, girl?

Come out on the water!

- Hi. (distant hip hop music)

(ominous music)

- [Dad] Make yourself useful

and get some water for these folks.

- Can you save the attitude, please?

- My wife and want a full refund.

This is by far the worst vacation we've ever had.

- Yeah, your brochure didn't say anything about spiders.

- Well my ma'am, it does actually say in the fine print

that we're not responsible for local wildlife.

See, it's right there.

- Forget what the brochure said, okay?

And you're not gonna talk to my wife that way.

Let me tell you something, playboy, I'm from the hood.

I've done and seen things you have nightmares about.

You understand? - Baby stop it.

Just let it go.

- No, no they need to hear this, baby.

- Let it go. - This is ridiculous!

We didn't sign up for this. - Babe!

- Spiders everywhere, this is crazy.

Let me tell you something.

Forget what the old man said about Iwo Jima.

That was a cakewalk compared to this.

I'm not gonna let some bust ass spider

ruin our vacation, okay?

So strap on the cup and buck up.

If you wanna survive this thing we have to stick together.

(spider chattering) (Glen screaming)

- Everybody back to the boat!

(all screaming)

- Please. - You gotta let him go,

come on.

- Everybody back to the boat! - To the boat, go!

(gun firing)

(dramatic music)

- Go!

(spider chattering)

- Petra, you got them keys? - Yep!

(gun firing)

(engine rumbling)

- Alright, come on girls, you're up, hurry up.

Come on, come on!

- What is it? - I don't know.

- What the hell is it?

(spider hissing) - Oh, God.

- Oh, my God! (all screaming)

- Oh, my God, run, hurry, go! - Guys!

(spider chattering)

- Hit him, Coach!

Seriously?

(Coach whimpering)

(bat thuds) (spider screams)

(spider explodes) (Coach laughs)

- [Coach] Now, that is why

you were my number one pinch hitter!

Whoo!

(melancholy music)

- Breathe deep.

- Hey, what are you doing?

Nobody touches that stuff but me.

- She's having an asthma attack, Pops.

I figured these heliox would help, it's your call.

- [Justin] Keep breathing, Mom.

- Better? - Thank you.

I'm gonna be okay.

- Hey, good job, brother.

- It's all part of the tour package.

- So, where do you think the spider is now?

(suspenseful music)

(girls sobbing)

- Coach. (Coach screams)

- Crap.

- Those things breathe fire.

- Well, hey, as long as we stay in here we'll be okay.

(girl sobbing)

Come on, come on, you guys are gonna be fine,

as long as you stay calm and hey,

stay away from those windows, we'll be fine.

Okay, we'll be alright.

(ominous music) (spider chattering)

(suspenseful music)

(boat rumbling)

- Is it abandoned?

Dad, is it abandoned?

- Unfortunately not.

- They can't see us, can they?

- They can hear us.

Everybody be quiet.

- [Tina] What are you stopping for?

- Tina, calm down. - No, no.

No, he knows we're here.

(Tina whimpering) No, no.

(spider chattering)

(Tina spazzing)

- We're gonna get outta here. - No, no we're not.

They're gonna get us just like they got Glen!

They're gonna get us, they're gonna get us!

(Tina sobbing)

No, no, no!

(Tina screaming)

No, no, no, they're gonna get us just like they ate Glen!

- [Petra] What are you doing?

- No, no, no!

- What are you, get, get, get off!

(engine roars) - No!

- Hold on, Petra. - Alright, beat it.

- I'm not gonna let you go! (Tina screaming)

- I'm not gonna let you go, you hear me?

Look at me, I'm not gonna let you go!

(Petra screaming) I'm not gonna let you go.

- They can do that too? - Get back here, now!

- No, no, please!

- I'm not gonna let you go.

Look at me!

Come on, come on, I've got you.

Come on.

(Petra shrieking)

(gun firing)

- [Tina] No, no!

- Come on!

(spiders hissing)

- Let go.

- Hold on.

Get!

(Petra sighs)

(boat rumbling)

(Tina groaning)

(boat thuds) (Tina screams)

Abandon ship!

- Let's go, let's go, let's go!

(suspenseful music)

- Come on, right over here.

- Tina, are you alive? - I'm okay.

(Tina shrieks)

- Take cover! (muffled Tina groaning)

(Tina screaming)

- Don't move.

Don't even breathe.

- Here.

Take care of the others, I'll distract them.

- What me? - Look, you can do it.

I have faith in you, son.

- No, Pops. - It's our only hope!

(spiders growling)

(suspenseful music)

- Hey, Moby Dick, hey.

You, over here. (spider shrieks)

(dramatic music)

(Dad groans)

(spider chattering)

(fire roaring)

- Dad! - Pops!

Pops! - Dad!

- Pops! - Oh, my God, Dad!

Dad. (Dad groans)

(spider chattering) - Behind you.

(Petra screams)

(alligator growls)

Nobody messes with Mama.

- Come on, man, let's get you outta here.

(Dad groans)

(swamp life chattering)

(girl sobbing) (spiders chattering)

(banging on bus)

- Hey, you hear that?

- It's almost like they're talking to each other.

- No, no, it sounds like a truck.

(bang echoes)

What the hell?

(guns firing)

(dramatic music) (gasps)

- Tammy! - Daddy?

Daddy! - Oh, baby.

Baby, you're okay.

Oh, okay.

(Charlie screaming)

- Now that is how you make jambalaya, yeah!

What?

(majestic music)

- [Petra] It's gonna be okay, Dad.

We're gonna get you some help.

- Pops, just gimme an arm, let me help you.

- It's okay, son, I got it.

(ominous music)

(bushes rustling)

- Did you hear that?

- Yeah. (birds chirping)

(ominous music)

(footsteps rustling)

- Whoa, don't shoot!

Don't shoot!

- Who the hell are you? - Who the hell are you?

- The name is Jean Jacques, this is my bayou.

I don't like outsiders, I don't care how many legs you got.

- Whatever happened to Southern hospitality?

- We got an injured man here, my father, he needs help.

- Those things do that to you?

- Yeah, they breathe fire.

- See, I told you.

You don't go skinny dipping with snapping turtles.

- How are you still alive?

- Don't.

- Okay, follow me.

(suspenseful music)

- What, ow!

- Grab the medical kit, we're gonna put him in the barn.

- Yes, boss.

- We need to get him back to the city.

- That ain't gonna happen.

- Radio said National Guard is setting up a safe zone.

- Yeah, and there could be 1000 of those things

between here and there.

You wanna take that chance? - We have to try.

- There's gotta be something we can do.

I mean, these things have to have a weakness, right?

Something we can use to get past them.

- He's right.

If I can get my hands on one of those things,

I can dissect it, and maybe we can find that weakness.

- You wanna try and capture one of those things?

- It doesn't have to be alive, just in one piece.

Kindaú. - Okay, let's hear your plan.

(suspenseful music) - Does that thing work?

(radio squelching)

- I tried to call you, but when I couldn't get through,

I just-- - Baby, it's okay.

It's alright, I understand, you're gonna be fine now.

- Girl, slide on down. - Sir, hi.

I'm Charlie Blackwell, I'm the coach.

- Coach Blackwell, of course.

We're gonna get you and the girls back to Houston pronto.

As a matter of fact, why don't you ride up front.

- No, listen, my wife and kids are in New Orleans.

- New Orleans, listen,

I've got orders to secure the perimeter

and keep all the civilians outta there.

- No, you don't understand. - No.

- Listen to me. - You don't understand.

- Daddy, if it weren't for him, we wouldn't have made it.

- Please. - Fine, you can ride with me.

You, go straight home.

(truck rumbling)

(suspenseful music)

(spider chattering)

(people chattering) (Mariachi music)

(spider squealing)

(suspenseful music)

- You got one. - Yep, pretty big one.

- Anyone have a knife? - Use this.

- That'll do.

Alright, here we go.

(ominous music)

Okay, can you hold this?

- Aren't I supposed to use gloves or something?

- [Boss] Do like your mama told you.

- These are the vocal cords,

very well developed as one might expect.

- What's that plum-looking thing?

- Well, let's find out.

- Oof! - Nasty!

- Yes, bladder.

- Fuel supply for the flamethrower.

- [Katelynn] That would be my guess.

- You know, the shale layer around here is full of biogas.

- Well, the species evolved there.

That wouldn't be a surprise if they adapted to utilize it.

- Alright, so what are they doing here now?

- [Katelynn] My guess, their habitat was disturbed.

- [Petra] By what?

- Oil companies down here, they fracture the earth

to get at the fossil fuels, it's called fracking.

- You mean, humans did this?

Typical.

- Says here that fracking causes earthquakes.

Maybe the spiders dug their holes

and the fracking started a chain reaction.

- You running iOS 5? - Yeah.

- All I know is, you're digging around enough,

you could destabilize the sediment.

- I'm gonna destabilize if I see another one of those things

- [Paul] Alright, so what are they doing here now?

- I bet if you boil them spider legs

and dip them in some butter and some hot sauce.

Mmm, whoo!

It just seems like a waste.

You know how in other countries they eat grasshoppers

and scorpions and crickets and such.

- You been sniffing the turpentine again?

- No!

- I'm gonna tell you this one time.

Lay off the 'shine.

- We ain't got no more 'shine, 'cause he drank it all.

- Well, you're the one that brought it all out here.

- Boss asked me too.

- Boss didn't say that, he said bring the medical kit.

You brought the medicine.

Box of rocks.

- This is a ovipositor. - An ovi what?

- Egg layer, remember the clerk at the gas station?

Well, I think this species

incubates its young inside a living host,

and it needs something really sharp

to get through all that bone and skin.

Okay, alright now that's strange.

The nervous system is really rudimentary,

even for an arachnid.

I can't even find a brain.

All I can see is a whole bunch of ganglia

for the motor control. - So, they're not too smart.

That's a relief.

- They're coming, they're coming, they're coming.

(suspenseful music)

(guns firing) (dramatic music)

(spiders hissing)

- Guillaume!

(fire roaring) (Guillaume screaming)

Box of rocks.

(spider chattering) (man whimpering)

(dramatic music)

(groans)

(suspenseful music)

- How you doing back there, Pops?

- Oh, decent.

I'm right behind you.

(dramatic music) (gun firing)

- [Justin] What do we do, she can't breathe!

Breathe, breathe.

(spiders growling)

(gun firing) (Justin whimpers)

(dramatic music)

(ominous music)

(Katelynn screams)

- Mom! (gun firing)

- Let her go! - Mom, Mom!

- No, no no. - Annabelle!

- You can't do nothing, come on boy.

- [Justin] Annabelle!

- No. - Where's Dad, Dad?

Dad! - Wait.

- Dad? - Wait here, wait here!

(spider chattering)

(suspenseful music)

(spider chattering) (Dad groaning)

- Pops, Pops, easy, easy.

Pops, easy, it's me.

It's me, Pops, it's me, I got you.

I got you.

Come on, we gotta get Petra back.

We gotta get Petra back.

Come on, there you go.

(Dad screaming) I know I know, just come on.

- Okay, listen to me. - No no.

Save your breath, Pops.

- You've been a pain in my ass most of your life,

and I've been hard on you 'cause,

'cause you, when you needed it.

I realize now that I have been trying

to fit round peg into a square hole.

There's no...

You're not me.

That's okay, you're still my son.

And take Petra, and you get her to the safe zone,

'cause it's your only chance.

- Pops, we're all gonna get to the safe zone, all of us.

Come on.

No.

Pops, they got Petra.

- No. - Pops, Pops.

Hey, hey.

I'm gonna get her back, Pops, okay?

- That's my boy.

(Dad groans)

- Dad, Dad...

(somber music)

- Your father?

You gonna need this.

- Where's everybody else?

- Annabelle, she went after Mom.

- [Paul] Get him back to the safe zone?

- [Jack] Boy, follow me.

- What are you gonna do?

- I'm gonna save them.

(suspenseful music)

(ominous music)

(water splashing)

- Annabelle!

(suspenseful music)

Annabelle!

(ominous music)

(spiders chattering)

(Paul groaning)

(ominous music)

(spiders chattering)

Petra, come on.

Oh God.

- [Petra] Thank you.

- Alright, come on, come on.

Let's go.

- How's Dad?

Paul!

Paul?

- He's gone. - No.

No! - I'm sorry.

He made me promise that I was gonna get you outta here.

Don't make a liar outta me, okay?

(distant coughing)

Come on. - Okay.

(ominous music)

(spider chattering)

Whoo, whoo, whoo!

- Shh, shh!

- Do you see her? - Her?

- The queen, she's the brain for all of them.

They're completely dependent on her.

Kill her, they won't be able to function.

They'll all die.

- You, you guys, uh...

(spider growls) (all screaming)

- Come on, this way! - Come on, Mom.

- [Paul] There's a way out, guys come on.

- [Annabelle] This way, Mom.

- Come on, you got it?

Go, go, go!

(dramatic music)

(spiders screaming)

- Go. - Ugh!

- Petra, I'm gonna need you up at the top.

I'm gonna push. (spider screaming)

(computer beeping)

(Paul groaning)

(tree crashes)

(Paul breathing heavily)

(Paul groaning) (dramatic music)

(trees crunching)

(melancholy music)

- Hey, that's my Dad!

Dad! - Oh my God, son!

Oh, oh man.

- [Justin] Yeah, Dad, I'm fine.

- I'm gonna need to confiscate that weapon.

- This my gun.

- I was worried about you, where's the others?

- The spiders, they took Mom.

- What, who did?

- Her asthma, she couldn't breathe,

and the spiders they took her.

- Wait, the spiders took Mom?

- Yes.

- Where's Annabelle?

- She went after them, I, I couldn't stop her.

- Say again, Zulu Six?

This keeps getting better and better.

We got a problem, a big one.

(suspenseful music)

(helicopter rumbling)

- Is she coming? - Yeah.

And she ain't too happy.

(missiles firing)

- Yes, whoo, yes!

Mom, Mom!

Look, Mom, the helicopters, Mom, they're here.

Mom, they're coming.

- I, uh...

(Mom gasping)

- Mom?

Mom.

Mom, Mom!

(dramatic music) - On me!

Listen up, I want that thing stopped

before it reaches the city, understand?

Failure is not an option.

- Oo-rah! - Look!

- That is a big mother bugger.

- That's Paul. - Who's Paul?

- Our tour guide. - Tour guy?

(spider growling)

(dramatic music)

(guns firing)

(fire roaring)

- She's on the move.

(spider screeching) (car alarms wailing)

(dramatic music)

- [Pilot] Major Crandle, I have a visual on the target.

- You think?

(people screaming)

(spider screeching)

- What's she doing? - She's feathering her nest.

(dramatic music)

- [Pilot] I have target locked, sir.

Fire on your command.

- Hold your fire, Zulu Six,

we've got civilians in that building.

(suspenseful music)

- One, two, three!

One, two...

Mom, mom!

- [Petra] What are we gonna do?

- Katelynn said if we kill the queen,

it'll stop them all, right?

- Well, we don't even know if that'll work.

- We have to try. - Hello, Paul.

Missiles won't even stop her.

- These things are only tough on the outside.

We have to go in.

- What are you gonna do?

- I'm gonna prove your mother right.

- How can I help?

(dramatic music)

This is all I could find. - Perfect.

- At the risk of stating the obvious,

I want you to know I think this is a bad idea.

- Duly noted.

- But whatever happens, I believe in you.

- [Paul] Really?

- Nah, I'm just messing with you.

(epic music)

(gun firing)

- Hey, that's Annabelle, she made it!

- Oh, my God!

- [Charlie] Major Crandle!

My daughter, she's down there.

You guys gotta help her.

- [Crandle] Bravo team,

we've got civilians on Iberville and Decatur,

Iberville and Decatur.

Roger, out.

- Time to show daddy long legs

how we roll on the bayou.

- Where the hell is he going?

(epic music)

(sirens wailing)

- Let's get her in the back.

- [Annabelle] No, no please, let me go with her!

- You are not going.

Gentlemen, take this lady.

- [Justin] Annabelle!

- Justin!

(people screaming) (dramatic music)

(gun firing)

(tires squealing)

- Who was that? - That Cajun dude.

(sirens wailing)

(gun firing)

(guns firing)

- Annabelle! - Dad!

- How's Mom? - Her asthma.

She didn't make it.

(guns firing)

(spider screaming) (dramatic music)

- You going fishing?

- [Paul] Yeah, wanna be the bait?

- We come to say hello.

Time to dance, you big beautiful bitch!

(bazooka firing)

(missile exploding)

(spider screaming)

(Jack groans) - Woah, woah, woah,hey!

Woah, come on right here.

Come on, right here, get me!

Uh-oh.

(Paul screaming)

- Can I see through the binoculars?

That's my brother, please.

(spider screams)

- It's not much of a safe zone.

- Ugh, I'm stuck. - You need some help?

I'm kinda busy right now.

You'll help yourselves.

- [Paul] I just gotta get loose.

She's coming back. (dramatic music)

- Don't start what you can't finish, boy.

You hear me? - No.

(spider screeches) (Jack screaming)

(suspenseful music)

(spider chattering)

- [Paul] Ugh!

Ugh!

- Aw, man, he did not just do that, did he?

- Ugh, I can't look.

(Paul groaning)

- The guy has got guts.

- Yeah, in more ways than one.

(gun firing)

- [Paul] Where is it, where is it?

There it is, ugh!

- Gas bladder, he's going for the gas bladder.

(spider farts) (Paul screams)

(Paul whimpering)

- [Paul] Come on.

(spider screeches)

Come on!

This one is for you, Dad.

Ooh! (explosion echoes)

(spider screeching)

(melancholy music)

- Get a squad over there double time

and make sure every part of that thing is dead.

Say again, Echo One?

I need visual confirmation.

Do you have eyes on?

Outstanding.

They're dying, all over the city the spiders are dying.

Oo-rah! - Oo-rah!

- Oh, Dad! - Yeah!

(siren wailing)

- Did you know that man?

I'm sorry.

Listen, I'm gonna see to it that he's awarded

the highest commendation the military can offer a civilian.

You have my word on that.

Wait a minute, is that...

- Paul!

- Team Bravo, somebody get him down from there.

- Little help?

(dramatic music)

(serene music)

(spider screams)

(lively music)

* Left my home in search of another life *

* But all I found was how to get lost *

* Maybe tomorrow will be a brighter day *

* But I don't think so

* 'Cause I got a bad bad feeling *

* Got a bad bad feeling

* I got a bad bad feeling

* It's always gonna be that way *

* I headed down

* To where the water is warm

* Hoping to find a place to rest *

* But I got chased out

* 'Cause I couldn't pay

* And I guess that it's always gonna be that way *

* I wish that I

* Had someone to love

* Someone to talk to

* Someone to hold

* But I got nobody

* And I suppose it's okay

* 'Cause I guess that it's always gonna be that way *

* I left my home in search of another life *

* But all I found was how to get lost *

* Maybe tomorrow will be a brighter day *

* But I don't think so

* 'Cause I got a bad bad feeling *

* Got a bad bad feeling

* I got a bad bad feeling

* It's always gonna be that way *

* Well I just met a woman

* Prettier than the Sun

* And she says that she loves me *

* I never thought that I'd ever see the day *

* When somebody loves me

* And somebody wants me

* And I pray-ay-ay hey

* It's always gonna be that way *

* And I pray-ay-ay hey

* It's always gonna be that way *