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1
00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:13,559
Oh, my God! You fancy him,
don't you?
2
00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:15,399
Who was she?
She was...
3
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:16,839
my girlfriend.
4
00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:17,959
She died.
5
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:20,799
So did you wanna go for that drink,
like a date?
6
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:21,999
Yeah.
7
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,759
What about Shannon?
She's not coming back.
8
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,719
You just had unprotected
anal sex with that girl.
9
00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:29,279
I most certainly did.
10
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:31,719
And she loved it!
What if she's got HIV?
11
00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:34,279
Cute girls don't get HIV!
12
00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:37,159
Thanks for the hand job,
but you're quite old
13
00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:39,479
and you cry a lot.
14
00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:41,639
She was me first, Clare.
15
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:44,957
He just sleeps with people,
he's out of there before he's had
time to take his condom off.
16
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:50,599
This turning into a girl thing, is
that born out of some sort of sexual
confusion?
17
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:53,119
You ain't lived
until you've had a multiple orgasm.
18
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,759
All over your body,
like waves of pleasure.
19
00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:58,719
Were you... wanking?
20
00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:00,159
So what if I was?
21
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:01,439
I think you've got your period.
22
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,639
No-one needs to see that.
23
00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:04,999
(HE GROANS)
24
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:08,279
Why did she stab me?
What did I ever do to her?
25
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:09,599
That wasn't Kelly.
26
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,559
She's swapped bodies.
27
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:12,797
You'll be fine.
28
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,239
(DANCE MUSIC)
29
00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:21,879
(CAMERA CLICKS)
30
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:25,879
All right?
31
00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,079
Top party! You are pretty.
You've got nice...
32
00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:34,719
What are them? These here.
33
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:38,359
They're c-collarbones!
34
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:42,079
Do you mind if I smell your hair?
Or is that a bit creepy?
35
00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:46,079
Bit creepy. Mm!
36
00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:50,359
All right? You know,
you have really slim ankles!
37
00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:53,439
Yeah, that smells like, er...
38
00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:56,639
smells like Ready Brek.
39
00:01:56,640 --> 00:02:00,279
Sexy bone, that.
Very... very underrated bone, innit?
40
00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:04,279
Mm.
41
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,799
I'll tell you who's got
the best ankles... the Chinese.
42
00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:10,279
Because you never see a Chinese woman
with fat ankles, do you?
43
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:11,839
(CHUCKLES)
I love Ready Brek, me.
44
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,279
It's the, er...
45
00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:17,279
it's the breakfast of champions.
46
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:24,999
Whoo!
47
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:28,999
(THEY LAUGH)
48
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,839
(SHE SQUEALS)
49
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:32,679
Mmm...
50
00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:36,079
Whoa, whoa! What is that?!
What is that?
51
00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:40,079
Oh!
Have we got any use for that? No?
52
00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:42,359
Wait.
What?
53
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:43,719
I don't wanna do this if it's just
gonna be a one-night thing.
54
00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:46,359
No, no, no, no. Course not.
I'm sick of guys treating me like shit.
55
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:48,679
Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah.
You promise you'll call me tomorrow?
56
00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:52,519
Love, I promise. I promise you
I am not one of them guys.
57
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:55,399
That's it now. Oh, it's on!
58
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:58,159
It is on! Sweet child o' mine!
Oh!
59
00:02:58,160 --> 00:02:59,479
Are you ready?
60
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,039
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
Yeah?
61
00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:03,079
(SQUEALS)
62
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:07,079
(LAUGHS)
63
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:12,599
(MOANS)
64
00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:16,599
(MOANS)
65
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:19,799
(LAUGHS)
66
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:23,799
Ooh! Hoo-ooh! Oooh!
67
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:29,399
(THEY PANT)
68
00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:32,559
Nice one for that! I needed it.
69
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:35,279
Oh! Listen, I, er...
70
00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:38,199
I think you're wonderful
and everything, but, er...
71
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,399
I think it's only fair to say
I won't be calling you.
72
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:44,119
What?! So you just fuck me and
leave? You said you weren't one of
those guys?
73
00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:45,959
Yeah, I lied. Have...
74
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,759
Whoa, whoa!
75
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,199
Ohh! Easy, tiger!
76
00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:53,039
Ahhh! Oh!
77
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,959
It was nice knowing you and
everything.
78
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:59,959
Wanker.
79
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:13,260
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
80
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:24,319
♪ The city breathing, the people churning ♪
81
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:26,719
♪ The conversating ♪
82
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,384
♪ The price is what? ♪
83
00:04:43,123 --> 00:04:44,479
♪ The conversating ♪
84
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,439
♪ This place is heaven ♪
85
00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:47,999
♪ And if you see them... ♪
86
00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:51,958
She was nice.
She was a... nice... nice girl.
87
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:55,958
Nice and pretty.
88
00:04:57,239 --> 00:04:58,758
I've gotta be honest...
I don't really remember.
89
00:04:58,759 --> 00:05:02,478
You can't remember someone
you had sex with? Classy!
90
00:05:02,479 --> 00:05:03,878
Well, she was certainly happy
with the service.
91
00:05:03,879 --> 00:05:07,398
Look what old Rudy found
in his jeans this morning.
92
00:05:07,399 --> 00:05:10,038
The digits!
93
00:05:10,039 --> 00:05:11,678
So are you going to call her?
94
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:15,078
No! No, I'm not.
And I'll tell you why.
95
00:05:15,079 --> 00:05:18,198
When you buy a dog, right,
96
00:05:18,199 --> 00:05:21,238
you know that one day,
the dog, it'll grow old
97
00:05:21,239 --> 00:05:23,038
and it'll die. Oh!
98
00:05:23,039 --> 00:05:24,998
And you're gonna be...
you're just gonna be heartbroken.
99
00:05:24,999 --> 00:05:26,758
Cos you loved that dog,
he was just a cheeky little scamp.
100
00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:30,758
Here's an idea. Don't buy
the fucking dog in the first place.
101
00:05:30,999 --> 00:05:32,958
Save everyone the bastard hassle.
102
00:05:32,959 --> 00:05:35,358
Right.
All I'm saying is,
103
00:05:35,359 --> 00:05:37,478
it's better that I make her cry
a little bit now
104
00:05:37,479 --> 00:05:40,518
than break her heart in three years'
time when she's totally in love
with me
105
00:05:40,519 --> 00:05:42,558
and we've bought
a load of shitty furniture together.
106
00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:46,558
It's... it's just the humane thing
to do, isn't it?
107
00:05:47,359 --> 00:05:48,998
You prick.
I know.
108
00:05:48,999 --> 00:05:51,078
What are we doing today?
We're doing nothing.
109
00:05:51,079 --> 00:05:53,838
The probation worker's dead.
Oh, yeah.
110
00:05:53,839 --> 00:05:56,838
Do we even need to be here?
If the probation worker goes missing
111
00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:58,678
and we don't turn up to community
service, it looks suspicious.
112
00:05:58,679 --> 00:06:00,398
Whoa, whoa.
113
00:06:00,399 --> 00:06:02,478
Shh-shh-shh-shh!
114
00:06:02,479 --> 00:06:05,558
What was that?
115
00:06:05,559 --> 00:06:09,558
I can't hear anything.
116
00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:14,838
There!
You must... you must've heard that?
117
00:06:17,159 --> 00:06:19,118
Bingo!
(ICE-CREAM VAN JINGLE PLAYS)
118
00:06:19,119 --> 00:06:21,758
It's the fucking ice-cream van!
Right, who wants what?
119
00:06:21,759 --> 00:06:24,638
Who wants what? Come on!
You... c-c-come with me!
120
00:06:24,639 --> 00:06:27,638
I need an extra pair of hands.
Curtis!
121
00:06:27,639 --> 00:06:31,478
Come...! Curtis!
122
00:06:31,479 --> 00:06:32,998
Come on.
123
00:06:32,999 --> 00:06:36,998
♪ IPC SUB EDITORS: Dictate Our Youth ♪
124
00:06:40,599 --> 00:06:44,598
(HORN HONKS)
125
00:06:49,919 --> 00:06:51,518
Oi!
126
00:06:51,519 --> 00:06:53,198
I said...
127
00:06:53,199 --> 00:06:54,958
ice cream!
Ice-cream van's here!
128
00:06:54,959 --> 00:06:57,478
What you having?
Look, don't worry about money.
129
00:06:57,479 --> 00:06:59,238
We'll sort all that out later.
Fuck off!
130
00:06:59,239 --> 00:07:01,918
Well, you'll be sorry, won't you,
when you've not got an ice cream
131
00:07:01,919 --> 00:07:03,758
and I'll, mm,
and I'll be licking an ice cream?
132
00:07:03,759 --> 00:07:05,598
You won't have anything.
You won't have anything!
133
00:07:05,599 --> 00:07:07,518
(SHOUTS)
134
00:07:07,519 --> 00:07:10,358
(SIGHS)
135
00:07:10,359 --> 00:07:12,918
I'm gonna have to go inside.
136
00:07:12,919 --> 00:07:14,598
D'you have to?
Well, they always send
137
00:07:14,599 --> 00:07:16,598
a new probation worker
after we've killed one.
138
00:07:16,599 --> 00:07:20,598
(SIGHS)
139
00:07:22,519 --> 00:07:25,998
Do you wanna come in?
140
00:07:25,999 --> 00:07:29,558
Yeah, all right.
141
00:07:29,559 --> 00:07:33,558
(JINGLE PLAYS)
142
00:07:34,119 --> 00:07:35,878
Hi.
Hi.
143
00:07:35,879 --> 00:07:39,878
I might...
144
00:07:39,879 --> 00:07:41,158
I, um...
145
00:07:41,159 --> 00:07:43,678
I... I'd like some ice cream.
146
00:07:43,679 --> 00:07:45,078
Good, cos I sell those.
147
00:07:45,079 --> 00:07:46,438
(CHUCKLES)
148
00:07:46,439 --> 00:07:47,918
Right.
(CHANGE JANGLES)
149
00:07:47,919 --> 00:07:49,438
Um...
150
00:07:49,439 --> 00:07:50,878
Three cones.
151
00:07:50,879 --> 00:07:52,398
And, um...
152
00:07:52,399 --> 00:07:54,838
and a rainbow lolly thing.
153
00:07:54,839 --> 00:07:56,878
D'you want some nuts and sauce?
154
00:07:56,879 --> 00:07:58,318
Nuts!
155
00:07:58,319 --> 00:07:59,678
Give me some nu...
156
00:07:59,679 --> 00:08:01,358
Whoa! Give me some nuts,
157
00:08:01,359 --> 00:08:03,558
extra sauce and a Flake, please.
158
00:08:03,559 --> 00:08:06,678
It's a buzzin' day, innit, man?
159
00:08:06,679 --> 00:08:07,918
No work, eh,
160
00:08:07,919 --> 00:08:10,558
nuts, extra sauce and a Flake.
161
00:08:10,559 --> 00:08:11,838
Could this day get any better?
162
00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:14,478
What?!
163
00:08:14,479 --> 00:08:15,678
What?
164
00:08:15,679 --> 00:08:19,038
Oh, hello.
165
00:08:19,039 --> 00:08:21,598
Hi.
166
00:08:21,599 --> 00:08:23,918
Where's your mate?
167
00:08:23,919 --> 00:08:24,838
He...
168
00:08:24,839 --> 00:08:26,798
had to make a call.
169
00:08:26,799 --> 00:08:29,198
Oh.
170
00:08:29,199 --> 00:08:30,998
There's your first two.
171
00:08:30,999 --> 00:08:34,998
Give. Give 'em.
172
00:08:42,319 --> 00:08:44,998
So... what was that all about,
173
00:08:44,999 --> 00:08:47,958
the whole... sex-change-switch thing?
174
00:08:47,959 --> 00:08:50,318
Dunno. Just happened.
175
00:08:50,319 --> 00:08:53,358
Well, may I just say, you're looking
particularly fine today.
176
00:08:53,359 --> 00:08:55,318
Me, personally,
177
00:08:55,319 --> 00:08:58,118
I could never get tired
of looking at that arse...
178
00:08:58,119 --> 00:08:59,198
(CURTIS)
Is that right?
179
00:08:59,199 --> 00:09:00,198
Right, now, you're gonna
have to tell me
180
00:09:00,199 --> 00:09:02,358
when you're gonna change like that,
mate, eh?
181
00:09:02,359 --> 00:09:03,758
It's horrible.
182
00:09:03,759 --> 00:09:07,758
Here.
183
00:09:10,719 --> 00:09:12,998
Hmmm...
184
00:09:12,999 --> 00:09:16,998
(HUMS)
185
00:09:23,599 --> 00:09:27,598
What the fuck is that?
186
00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:33,118
It fucking came off!
Me fucking dick's come off, man!
187
00:09:33,119 --> 00:09:36,038
That's what happens when you fuck me
and then just walk away.
188
00:09:36,039 --> 00:09:37,518
Have you done this to me?
189
00:09:37,519 --> 00:09:40,518
I'm not gonna let guys like you
do shit like this to me any more.
190
00:09:40,519 --> 00:09:42,638
Well, fuckin' pack it in ice, man!
191
00:09:42,639 --> 00:09:44,238
Oh, you dick! Look what you've done!
192
00:09:44,239 --> 00:09:47,838
D-D-D-Don't step on it!
193
00:09:47,839 --> 00:09:51,838
Take this.
194
00:09:57,359 --> 00:10:00,878
Is there... is there something wrong
with your penis?
195
00:10:00,879 --> 00:10:02,478
Jesus!
I know!
196
00:10:02,479 --> 00:10:04,638
Christ!
Dude, that is like
197
00:10:04,639 --> 00:10:06,798
no STD I have ever seen.
198
00:10:06,799 --> 00:10:08,918
And trust me, mate, I've seen 'em,
I've seen 'em all.
199
00:10:08,919 --> 00:10:12,158
It's a power thing. That... girl
you slept with, she gave it to you.
200
00:10:12,159 --> 00:10:13,998
How do you know?
201
00:10:13,999 --> 00:10:15,518
I saw the future. Put...
202
00:10:15,519 --> 00:10:19,518
Oh, sorry. Yeah. Well, what happened?
203
00:10:19,759 --> 00:10:20,758
It... it came off.
204
00:10:20,759 --> 00:10:22,278
What came off?
Your cock.
205
00:10:22,279 --> 00:10:25,598
My cock came off?
Yes. Then someone stood on it.
206
00:10:25,599 --> 00:10:29,598
My cock came...! Well...
(RAMBLES)
I do not wanna live without my cock.
207
00:10:30,039 --> 00:10:32,478
That's just one version of the
future. We can change it.
208
00:10:32,479 --> 00:10:33,718
How?
209
00:10:33,719 --> 00:10:35,718
She said it was a punishment for
sleeping with her and walking away.
210
00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:36,958
Right!
211
00:10:36,959 --> 00:10:40,958
So I just need to fuck her again,
and my cock'll go back to normal,
won't it?
212
00:10:42,999 --> 00:10:45,558
I think so. I'm not sure.
I need to find her
213
00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:47,998
and shag her right now.
214
00:10:47,999 --> 00:10:49,358
You have her number.
215
00:10:49,359 --> 00:10:51,398
Ooh, f...
216
00:10:51,399 --> 00:10:55,398
Shit! Fuck!
217
00:11:08,439 --> 00:11:10,238
Really?
What did you expect?
218
00:11:10,239 --> 00:11:14,238
It's not a five-star hotel.
219
00:11:14,479 --> 00:11:16,798
Well, I mean, we can always leave
it, if you want.
220
00:11:16,799 --> 00:11:18,078
No!
221
00:11:18,079 --> 00:11:22,078
Come here.
222
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:35,198
Right, so...
223
00:11:35,199 --> 00:11:36,838
read out the numbers...
I'm gonna dial it.
224
00:11:36,839 --> 00:11:39,078
Zero...
That's a start.
225
00:11:39,079 --> 00:11:41,838
Come on.
226
00:11:41,839 --> 00:11:44,038
Double seven, double zero,
nine, double zero.
227
00:11:44,039 --> 00:11:45,478
That's all we've got.
228
00:11:45,479 --> 00:11:46,998
W...
We're missing the last two.
229
00:11:46,999 --> 00:11:49,518
Right, well, I'm gonna have
to try every combination
till I get the right one,
230
00:11:49,519 --> 00:11:53,038
aren't I?
231
00:11:53,039 --> 00:11:56,238
Hello! My name's Rudy. I was just
wondering if you can help me.
232
00:11:56,239 --> 00:11:59,478
Did I have sex with you last night?
Because I...
233
00:11:59,479 --> 00:12:00,718
Hello?
234
00:12:00,719 --> 00:12:02,598
Hell...? Hello?
235
00:12:02,599 --> 00:12:04,558
Well, I'm sorry, but how rude's that?
236
00:12:04,559 --> 00:12:05,958
Eh?
237
00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:07,838
Unbelievable.
238
00:12:07,839 --> 00:12:10,358
Hello! It's Rudy.
239
00:12:10,359 --> 00:12:12,238
Um, basically... No...
240
00:12:12,239 --> 00:12:13,838
No, no, no, no, no. Not right now.
241
00:12:13,839 --> 00:12:16,478
I'm on the phone.
Um, yeah, just a quick question.
242
00:12:16,479 --> 00:12:20,478
Did I have sex with you last night?
243
00:12:21,799 --> 00:12:24,558
Hell...? Fuck!
244
00:12:24,559 --> 00:12:26,918
(CHUCKLES)
I'm not even gonna ask.
245
00:12:26,919 --> 00:12:29,398
This isn't going to work.
246
00:12:29,399 --> 00:12:32,878
You need to try and remember
what happened last night.
247
00:12:32,879 --> 00:12:36,078
There was one gi... two gi...
there was... There was three girls.
248
00:12:36,079 --> 00:12:38,078
There was definitely three.
249
00:12:38,079 --> 00:12:41,238
So it's one in three.
What were their names?
250
00:12:41,239 --> 00:12:45,238
I've no idea.
What did they look like?
251
00:12:47,319 --> 00:12:51,318
Ankles.
252
00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:56,238
Collarbones.
253
00:12:57,279 --> 00:13:00,158
Ready Brek.
254
00:13:00,159 --> 00:13:01,398
Ready Brek?
255
00:13:01,399 --> 00:13:04,038
(SIGHS)
If you've nothing constructive to say,
256
00:13:04,039 --> 00:13:05,678
then please, man, shut the fuck up.
257
00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:07,558
We should retrace your steps,
258
00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:09,678
go back to the house,
see if she's still there.
259
00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:10,678
Yes! See this guy?
260
00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:12,038
He's good!
261
00:13:12,039 --> 00:13:13,358
(WHEEZY LAUGH)
262
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:15,678
You're a logic guy, and I can...
I really can respect that.
263
00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:18,318
I bet you're really good at
Battleships, aren't you?
264
00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:20,797
Anyway, stop chatting.
We've gotta save me cock.
265
00:13:30,656 --> 00:13:32,555
This is it.
266
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:36,611
Definitely.
267
00:13:45,612 --> 00:13:48,131
DOOR CREAKS
268
00:13:48,132 --> 00:13:52,131
(SIGHS)
269
00:13:53,393 --> 00:13:54,792
Where did you see her last?
270
00:13:55,156 --> 00:13:59,155
Bedroom.
271
00:14:19,156 --> 00:14:20,755
(WHISPERS)
Here, man, it's her.
272
00:14:20,756 --> 00:14:24,075
Are you certain
you have the right room?
273
00:14:24,076 --> 00:14:25,515
Have we got any use for that?
274
00:14:25,516 --> 00:14:28,955
Yeah, man, I'm telling you, that is
her. That's definitely her.
275
00:14:28,956 --> 00:14:31,035
OK.
276
00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:33,475
So you just need to wake her up,
277
00:14:33,476 --> 00:14:35,155
talk to her
278
00:14:35,156 --> 00:14:37,395
and try to have sex with her.
279
00:14:37,396 --> 00:14:38,835
Or...
280
00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:40,435
Or what?
281
00:14:40,436 --> 00:14:42,395
Well, I mean, do I need...
282
00:14:42,396 --> 00:14:44,955
to wake her up?
Is that bit important?
283
00:14:44,956 --> 00:14:45,635
What d'you mean?
284
00:14:45,636 --> 00:14:46,995
Well...
285
00:14:46,996 --> 00:14:48,675
I dunno. Can't I just slip it
in there
286
00:14:48,676 --> 00:14:50,315
and give her a little
sleepy-fuck?
287
00:14:50,316 --> 00:14:51,715
That's rape.
288
00:14:51,716 --> 00:14:53,315
(TUTS)
289
00:14:53,316 --> 00:14:55,075
Is it?
290
00:14:55,076 --> 00:14:57,075
Y3s!
291
00:14:57,076 --> 00:14:58,835
I'm not sure... that's a grey area,
dude.
292
00:14:58,836 --> 00:15:00,755
No, it isn't.
293
00:15:00,756 --> 00:15:02,715
Oh! What a dick!
294
00:15:02,716 --> 00:15:04,395
You've woke her up, man!
295
00:15:04,396 --> 00:15:06,515
Just wait here and just...
296
00:15:06,516 --> 00:15:09,075
(WHISPERS)
make sure no-one comes in, yeah?
297
00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:10,755
Hello!
298
00:15:10,756 --> 00:15:12,715
Why are you still here?
299
00:15:12,716 --> 00:15:14,035
I get it.
300
00:15:14,036 --> 00:15:16,235
You're angry at me for walking out
on you.
301
00:15:16,236 --> 00:15:18,835
It was a joke!
(LAUGHS)
It was a practical joke.
302
00:15:18,836 --> 00:15:21,715
And now here I am,
with these lovely flowers, look!
303
00:15:21,716 --> 00:15:24,875
I don't need flowers.
I need fucking painkillers!
304
00:15:24,876 --> 00:15:25,915
My head's killing me.
305
00:15:25,916 --> 00:15:26,955
Look, listen, right.
306
00:15:26,956 --> 00:15:28,355
I think... I think I'm fall...
307
00:15:28,356 --> 00:15:30,235
Stop it.
308
00:15:30,236 --> 00:15:32,075
I think I'm falling for you.
309
00:15:32,076 --> 00:15:33,395
Do you understand?
310
00:15:33,396 --> 00:15:35,755
Yeah? I think you might be the one.
311
00:15:35,756 --> 00:15:37,515
Can I have my tablets back?
312
00:15:37,516 --> 00:15:39,875
Last night, when we fucked...
313
00:15:39,876 --> 00:15:43,675
made love, whatever...
our souls joined together.
314
00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:47,675
Yeah? And here's the big news...
315
00:15:48,196 --> 00:15:52,195
I want to be your boyfriend.
316
00:16:07,196 --> 00:16:09,755
We'll settle down, we'll get an
'ouse. In the weekends,
317
00:16:09,756 --> 00:16:12,395
we'll go to Homebase, and in the
evenings,
318
00:16:12,396 --> 00:16:14,555
we'll cuddle up and watch
DVDs...
319
00:16:14,556 --> 00:16:18,555
All that can be yours.
320
00:16:18,916 --> 00:16:22,315
Shall we seal the deal with a bit
of sex?
321
00:16:22,316 --> 00:16:26,315
Why would I want to be your
girlfriend?
322
00:16:26,836 --> 00:16:28,235
Because you're a girl.
323
00:16:28,236 --> 00:16:29,475
It's what you lot want, isn't it?
324
00:16:29,476 --> 00:16:32,115
No.
325
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:33,875
Anyway, I never slept with you.
326
00:16:33,876 --> 00:16:35,115
You did...
327
00:16:35,116 --> 00:16:36,195
I think I know who I had sex with.
328
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:40,195
Well, how come I rock up here
at the scene of the crime
329
00:16:40,356 --> 00:16:42,675
and you're still in bed?
330
00:16:42,676 --> 00:16:44,115
Because I live here.
331
00:16:44,116 --> 00:16:45,715
Because this is my bed.
332
00:16:45,716 --> 00:16:47,235
Right...
333
00:16:47,236 --> 00:16:49,395
So you fucked someone in my bed?
334
00:16:49,396 --> 00:16:51,635
I need to leave.
335
00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:54,795
Are you... are you a doctor or summat?
336
00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:55,835
I'm a trainee.
337
00:16:55,836 --> 00:16:56,915
That'll do.
338
00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:59,155
I need an expert medical opinion
on something...
339
00:16:59,156 --> 00:16:59,875
Out you come.
340
00:16:59,876 --> 00:17:01,955
(SCREAMS)
341
00:17:01,956 --> 00:17:04,075
Simon! Simon, dude, it's not her.
342
00:17:04,076 --> 00:17:06,115
We need to get a move on, mate.
343
00:17:06,116 --> 00:17:07,115
What happened?
344
00:17:07,116 --> 00:17:08,595
I've just shown it to her.
It's gone black.
345
00:17:08,596 --> 00:17:10,515
It is not pretty down there,
my friend.
346
00:17:10,516 --> 00:17:14,515
All right, love, I'm Rudy.
347
00:17:14,556 --> 00:17:17,355
I think I know who it might be.
348
00:17:17,356 --> 00:17:18,875
Ooh, have I had sex with her?
349
00:17:18,876 --> 00:17:20,315
Wow.
350
00:17:20,316 --> 00:17:22,635
Do you know this girl?
351
00:17:22,636 --> 00:17:24,755
That's Amy Goodwin.
352
00:17:24,756 --> 00:17:25,915
Do you know where she lives?
353
00:17:25,916 --> 00:17:29,275
♪ All I really want is girls ♪
354
00:17:29,276 --> 00:17:32,635
♪ And in the morning, it's girls ♪
355
00:17:32,636 --> 00:17:36,635
♪ Cos in the evening it's girls... ♪
356
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:39,515
Never thought I'd say this...
I'm actually kind of bored.
357
00:17:39,516 --> 00:17:40,595
Ring the Council if you want,
358
00:17:40,596 --> 00:17:42,355
get them to hurry up
with the new probation worker.
359
00:17:42,356 --> 00:17:43,675
You're all right.
360
00:17:43,676 --> 00:17:46,355
♪ And I can always make them smile ♪
361
00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:50,355
♪ From White Castle to the Nile. ♪
362
00:17:55,683 --> 00:17:57,602
Oh, hi.
363
00:17:57,603 --> 00:17:59,882
Not again.
364
00:17:59,883 --> 00:18:02,242
I keep randomly changing.
365
00:18:02,243 --> 00:18:04,002
Something's going on with my power.
366
00:18:04,003 --> 00:18:07,202
And my tits, they're really sore.
367
00:18:07,203 --> 00:18:08,362
Be honest...
368
00:18:08,363 --> 00:18:11,202
is this just an excuse
for being shit at table football?
369
00:18:11,203 --> 00:18:15,202
They're fucking killing me.
Is that normal?
370
00:18:23,083 --> 00:18:25,082
So...
371
00:18:25,083 --> 00:18:27,922
this is community service, is it?
372
00:18:27,923 --> 00:18:31,922
Yeah. It's usually much more shit
than this.
373
00:18:34,603 --> 00:18:36,402
Have you got a passport?
374
00:18:36,403 --> 00:18:37,922
What?
375
00:18:37,923 --> 00:18:39,842
Why do you want my passport?
376
00:18:39,843 --> 00:18:41,522
I thought we could go away together.
377
00:18:41,523 --> 00:18:44,522
What, like on holiday?
378
00:18:44,523 --> 00:18:47,722
Yeah. I was going to go on my own,
but...
379
00:18:47,723 --> 00:18:50,242
I was thinking Morocco,
somewhere like that.
380
00:18:50,243 --> 00:18:51,762
What's in Morocco?
381
00:18:51,763 --> 00:18:55,762
It's just somewhere to go.
Somewhere different.
382
00:18:57,363 --> 00:19:01,362
I've got my community service.
383
00:19:02,483 --> 00:19:06,482
It doesn't matter. Don't worry about
it if you're not interested.
384
00:19:07,243 --> 00:19:11,242
I'll think about it.
385
00:19:20,003 --> 00:19:22,802
Hang on a minute.
386
00:19:22,803 --> 00:19:26,802
Let me have a wee before we start.
387
00:19:28,003 --> 00:19:29,562
Who says romance is dead?
388
00:19:29,563 --> 00:19:31,442
Fuck off.
389
00:19:31,443 --> 00:19:35,442
Go on then, go for your wee.
390
00:19:55,563 --> 00:19:57,962
What's it doing?
391
00:19:57,963 --> 00:20:01,962
It's not doing anything...
392
00:20:17,963 --> 00:20:20,602
I'm pregnant.
393
00:20:20,603 --> 00:20:24,602
♪ Ticking away
The moments that make up a dull day ♪
394
00:20:26,003 --> 00:20:30,002
♪ Fritter and waste the hours
in an offhand way ♪
395
00:20:31,723 --> 00:20:35,722
♪ Kicking around on a piece of ground
in your home town ♪
396
00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:41,202
♪ Waiting for someone or something
to show you the way ♪
397
00:20:42,803 --> 00:20:46,042
♪ Tired of lying in the sunshine ♪
398
00:20:46,043 --> 00:20:48,242
♪ Staying home to watch the rain ♪
399
00:20:48,243 --> 00:20:51,042
♪ You are young and life is long ♪
400
00:20:51,043 --> 00:20:53,602
♪ And there is time
to kill today... ♪
401
00:20:53,603 --> 00:20:57,602
It's really starting to hurt,
this is, mate.
402
00:20:57,803 --> 00:20:58,922
This is her flat.
403
00:20:58,923 --> 00:21:00,482
OK.
404
00:21:00,483 --> 00:21:02,442
OK, biatch.
405
00:21:02,443 --> 00:21:04,522
It is frigging payback time.
406
00:21:04,523 --> 00:21:06,642
I'm going to fuck her so hard, man,
407
00:21:06,643 --> 00:21:09,842
I am going to fuck her
into the middle of next week.
408
00:21:09,843 --> 00:21:13,842
I'm going to fuck her so hard
she's going to be like a...
409
00:21:20,363 --> 00:21:23,362
That wasn't her.
410
00:21:23,363 --> 00:21:25,802
At least, I don't think it was.
411
00:21:25,803 --> 00:21:27,842
Can't have been that drunk.
412
00:21:27,843 --> 00:21:29,482
I think we need to leave.
413
00:21:29,483 --> 00:21:33,482
No! Whoa! No!
We are going nowhere, pal.
414
00:21:37,363 --> 00:21:38,722
Hello...
415
00:21:38,723 --> 00:21:40,442
Amy Goodwin.
416
00:21:40,443 --> 00:21:42,442
How are... how are things?
417
00:21:42,443 --> 00:21:44,762
Did you just flash your cock
at my sister?
418
00:21:44,763 --> 00:21:48,522
No.
419
00:21:48,523 --> 00:21:49,802
Yeah, I did, yeah.
420
00:21:49,803 --> 00:21:51,362
What the fuck do you think
you're doing?
421
00:21:51,363 --> 00:21:52,922
She's in there now,
crying her eyes out!
422
00:21:52,923 --> 00:21:56,922
It was a simple misunderstanding.
I thought she was you.
423
00:21:57,243 --> 00:21:59,642
What are even you doing here?
424
00:21:59,643 --> 00:22:03,362
Flowers.
425
00:22:03,363 --> 00:22:06,442
Because you're... my flower.
426
00:22:06,443 --> 00:22:09,042
Right.
427
00:22:09,043 --> 00:22:10,282
Look, if this is about last night...
428
00:22:10,283 --> 00:22:11,562
Yeah,
429
00:22:11,563 --> 00:22:13,122
look, I apologise for that.
430
00:22:13,123 --> 00:22:15,482
I were bang out of order.
431
00:22:15,483 --> 00:22:16,762
It shouldn't have happened.
432
00:22:16,763 --> 00:22:20,002
You're right. I hold my hands up.
I'm sorry.
433
00:22:20,003 --> 00:22:24,002
OK.
434
00:22:24,123 --> 00:22:26,442
Look, it was lovely meeting you
and everything,
435
00:22:26,443 --> 00:22:27,882
but you really should leave.
436
00:22:27,883 --> 00:22:29,642
Look, whoa, whoa!
437
00:22:29,643 --> 00:22:31,722
I get it.
438
00:22:31,723 --> 00:22:33,762
I get it.
439
00:22:33,763 --> 00:22:35,402
Right? I was a prick.
440
00:22:35,403 --> 00:22:37,682
Can we just forget about it?
441
00:22:37,683 --> 00:22:41,602
I can't forget about it!
I can't forget about you.
442
00:22:41,603 --> 00:22:43,362
I want you to be my girlfriend,
Amy Goodwin.
443
00:22:43,363 --> 00:22:45,962
Can you please just fuck off
444
00:22:45,963 --> 00:22:47,962
or I'm gonna have to call
the police, all right?
445
00:22:47,963 --> 00:22:49,242
But, Amy...
446
00:22:49,243 --> 00:22:53,242
Amy Goodwin...
447
00:22:53,363 --> 00:22:56,362
I should do another one.
448
00:22:56,363 --> 00:22:59,562
Don't waste your money.
They'll all come out the same.
449
00:22:59,563 --> 00:23:01,122
It can't be right.
450
00:23:01,123 --> 00:23:05,122
Curtis, you're pregnant.
451
00:23:07,963 --> 00:23:09,122
You can't tell anyone, yeah?
452
00:23:09,123 --> 00:23:13,122
Don't worry, I won't.
453
00:23:13,963 --> 00:23:15,882
Who's the father?
454
00:23:15,883 --> 00:23:17,642
I don't know.
455
00:23:17,643 --> 00:23:20,522
Well, who did you have sex with
when you were a girl?
456
00:23:20,523 --> 00:23:21,122
No-one!
457
00:23:21,123 --> 00:23:22,602
It can't be no-one's.
458
00:23:22,603 --> 00:23:24,882
What about that stuff
with the creepy coach guy?
459
00:23:24,883 --> 00:23:28,362
Not him. He didn't do anything.
460
00:23:28,363 --> 00:23:32,362
Well, who then?
461
00:23:37,163 --> 00:23:41,162
Didn't... Rudy try it on with you?
462
00:23:46,243 --> 00:23:50,242
Motherfucker...!
463
00:23:50,403 --> 00:23:52,882
You should've seen her face. She
knows, she knows what she did to me.
464
00:23:52,883 --> 00:23:54,242
We need to think of something.
465
00:23:54,243 --> 00:23:57,882
Mate, you need to think of something,
cos you're the ideas man.
466
00:23:57,883 --> 00:24:01,882
I'm wasting away down here.
467
00:24:03,083 --> 00:24:06,842
How much money have you got?
468
00:24:06,843 --> 00:24:09,202
You're going to pay her
to have sex with you?!
469
00:24:09,203 --> 00:24:11,722
Well, let's have a better idea. Eh?
470
00:24:11,723 --> 00:24:12,442
MOBILE RINGS
471
00:24:12,443 --> 00:24:16,002
Hang on.
472
00:24:16,003 --> 00:24:17,162
Yeah?
473
00:24:17,163 --> 00:24:18,042
Did you have sex with me?
474
00:24:18,043 --> 00:24:18,922
What?!
475
00:24:18,923 --> 00:24:21,042
Did you have sex with the girl me
that time in the locker room?
476
00:24:21,230 --> 00:24:22,495
'No, no, dude, I only went down
on you.'
477
00:24:22,543 --> 00:24:23,482
Well, then,
how come I'm pregnant?!
478
00:24:23,483 --> 00:24:26,242
Seriously? Mate, congratulations!
479
00:24:26,243 --> 00:24:28,922
Simon, our Curtis is pregnant.
480
00:24:28,923 --> 00:24:30,282
Yeah, mate, he's speechless.
481
00:24:30,283 --> 00:24:32,202
Listen, we're both really happy
for you.
482
00:24:32,203 --> 00:24:33,722
You're saying that nothing happened?
483
00:24:33,723 --> 00:24:35,242
'Dude, nowt happened.
484
00:24:35,243 --> 00:24:36,562
'Mate, I've got to go,
485
00:24:36,563 --> 00:24:38,522
'I've got more important things
to deal with right now,
486
00:24:38,523 --> 00:24:40,322
'like me cock, which is falling off!
487
00:24:40,323 --> 00:24:42,362
'Do one.'
488
00:24:42,363 --> 00:24:43,602
What did he say?
489
00:24:43,603 --> 00:24:46,002
He's saying his cock's falling off.
490
00:24:46,003 --> 00:24:50,002
What about the baby?
491
00:24:50,363 --> 00:24:51,562
Said it wasn't him.
492
00:24:51,563 --> 00:24:53,842
Well, it must be someone. These
things don't just happen on their
own!
493
00:24:53,843 --> 00:24:57,842
Yeah, I do know that!
494
00:25:13,403 --> 00:25:14,690
Oh, shit!
495
00:25:27,283 --> 00:25:28,010
Me again.
496
00:25:28,135 --> 00:25:28,997
COIN DROPS
497
00:25:32,116 --> 00:25:33,175
What are you doing?
498
00:25:33,202 --> 00:25:34,961
I've got...
499
00:25:34,962 --> 00:25:36,721
£16.76.
500
00:25:36,789 --> 00:25:37,348
What for?
501
00:25:37,349 --> 00:25:38,788
Just forget everything,
502
00:25:38,789 --> 00:25:41,348
take the money, have sex with me.
503
00:25:41,349 --> 00:25:43,428
You think I'm a prostitute?!
504
00:25:43,429 --> 00:25:47,428
Or that you could be. If you wanted.
505
00:25:47,429 --> 00:25:49,748
Because you're so beautiful.
506
00:25:49,749 --> 00:25:50,708
Oh, my God.
507
00:25:50,709 --> 00:25:52,908
In the name of the Father,
508
00:25:52,909 --> 00:25:55,508
please, take the money and shag me!
509
00:25:55,509 --> 00:25:56,268
Look, I'll be really quick...
510
00:25:56,269 --> 00:25:57,628
Just get out.
511
00:25:57,629 --> 00:25:58,388
And I'll clean up after myself.
512
00:25:58,389 --> 00:26:01,148
Amy, are you all right?
513
00:26:01,149 --> 00:26:04,188
Will you go away? We're just
in the middle of something, sorry.
514
00:26:04,189 --> 00:26:07,828
It's nothing, it's... just some guy.
515
00:26:07,829 --> 00:26:11,828
Some... guy that you had sex with
last night.
516
00:26:11,829 --> 00:26:12,908
What?!
517
00:26:12,909 --> 00:26:13,788
What is he on about?
518
00:26:13,789 --> 00:26:17,268
I'm not ashamed of it, neither.
I'll scream it from the rooftops!
519
00:26:17,269 --> 00:26:21,148
I had sex with Amy Goodwin
last night, and she was amazing!
520
00:26:21,149 --> 00:26:22,228
You were amazing.
521
00:26:22,229 --> 00:26:24,788
We did not have sex.
522
00:26:24,789 --> 00:26:26,748
We just kissed, you twat!
523
00:26:26,749 --> 00:26:27,588
You kissed him?!
524
00:26:27,589 --> 00:26:29,948
OK, that does sound worse than it is.
525
00:26:29,949 --> 00:26:32,668
Whoa, sorry, we didn't have sex?
526
00:26:32,669 --> 00:26:33,588
So, what, you're back into guys now?
527
00:26:33,589 --> 00:26:34,868
I was drunk.
528
00:26:34,869 --> 00:26:37,348
Weird. I remember that
being the excuse last time.
529
00:26:37,349 --> 00:26:39,228
Can we talk about this later?
530
00:26:39,229 --> 00:26:41,348
Whoa, sorry to interrupt
this little...
531
00:26:41,349 --> 00:26:43,028
thing you've got going on here,
532
00:26:43,029 --> 00:26:45,868
but are you absolutely sure
we didn't have sex?
533
00:26:45,869 --> 00:26:48,108
Yes. So can you fuck off?
534
00:26:48,109 --> 00:26:50,908
Oh, ohhh, God!
535
00:26:50,909 --> 00:26:52,108
Ohh.
536
00:26:52,109 --> 00:26:56,108
Oh, er... Do apologise to your
sister for me, won't you? You know.
537
00:26:57,909 --> 00:27:01,508
Maybe come back and show her again
when it's better or summat.
538
00:27:01,509 --> 00:27:05,508
Nice one.
539
00:27:12,869 --> 00:27:14,468
It's not her, mate.
540
00:27:14,469 --> 00:27:16,588
It's got to be Collarbones...
she's the one.
541
00:27:16,589 --> 00:27:18,948
We should go back to the house
where the party was.
542
00:27:18,949 --> 00:27:20,268
Someone's got to know who she is.
543
00:27:20,269 --> 00:27:23,428
Come on, let's go.
544
00:27:23,429 --> 00:27:27,428
Oh, fuck!
545
00:27:48,989 --> 00:27:52,988
So... you're wanking off as a guy...
546
00:27:54,429 --> 00:27:58,428
and then swapping
and doing it again...
547
00:27:58,749 --> 00:28:01,348
as a girl?
548
00:28:01,349 --> 00:28:02,788
Uh-huh.
549
00:28:02,789 --> 00:28:06,188
Why?
550
00:28:06,189 --> 00:28:07,548
It passed the time.
551
00:28:07,549 --> 00:28:10,668
Ugh.
552
00:28:10,669 --> 00:28:14,668
I think I used the same...
the same tissue to...
553
00:28:16,149 --> 00:28:19,828
to wipe up.
554
00:28:19,829 --> 00:28:22,028
Both times.
555
00:28:22,029 --> 00:28:23,428
That is so fucking rank.
556
00:28:23,429 --> 00:28:27,428
Thanks for the sympathy, yeah?
557
00:28:27,469 --> 00:28:31,468
You got a sec?
558
00:28:39,509 --> 00:28:40,948
Are you pregnant?
559
00:28:40,949 --> 00:28:42,868
No.
560
00:28:42,869 --> 00:28:45,788
Well, there's this thing
in the toilet, a pee stick thing.
561
00:28:45,789 --> 00:28:48,868
I don't know
what you're talking about.
562
00:28:48,962 --> 00:28:51,681
Right. OK.
563
00:28:51,682 --> 00:28:55,681
It doesn't matter.
564
00:29:02,402 --> 00:29:04,721
This is really starting
to piss me off.
565
00:29:04,722 --> 00:29:08,721
Then just swap back,
just stop moaning about it.
566
00:29:18,602 --> 00:29:20,481
I can't switch back!
567
00:29:20,482 --> 00:29:21,882
You're kidding me.
568
00:29:30,832 --> 00:29:32,027
I'm stuck!
569
00:29:42,802 --> 00:29:46,801
Argh!
570
00:29:58,715 --> 00:30:02,631
Exposing yourself...
to a 12-year-old girl.
571
00:30:02,632 --> 00:30:05,671
It were a simple misunderstanding.
Anyone could've done that.
572
00:30:05,672 --> 00:30:07,271
Your penis is going to fall off.
573
00:30:07,272 --> 00:30:09,191
What did I say to you?
I said, didn't I?
574
00:30:09,192 --> 00:30:11,071
If you go around,
acting like an idiot,
575
00:30:11,072 --> 00:30:13,831
sexing up all these girls,
you will catch something.
576
00:30:13,832 --> 00:30:17,551
I thought I might get the clap
or one or two crabs here and there.
577
00:30:17,552 --> 00:30:19,791
I weren't expecting this.
It's rotting away!
578
00:30:19,792 --> 00:30:21,871
Well, maybe if you treat her right
579
00:30:21,872 --> 00:30:24,311
instead of all the macho bollocks
all the time...
580
00:30:24,312 --> 00:30:24,991
Here we go.
581
00:30:24,992 --> 00:30:26,111
Just face it,
582
00:30:26,112 --> 00:30:29,991
the only reason, mate,
you treat girls like crap
583
00:30:29,992 --> 00:30:31,791
is because you're scared.
584
00:30:31,792 --> 00:30:35,791
You're scared if you let 'em in,
and they get to know the real you,
585
00:30:35,872 --> 00:30:37,711
you know,
then they might reject you.
586
00:30:37,712 --> 00:30:41,271
So you reject them,
before they get a chance.
587
00:30:41,272 --> 00:30:43,271
You never let your guard down.
588
00:30:43,272 --> 00:30:45,551
You are...
589
00:30:45,552 --> 00:30:47,471
pathetic.
590
00:30:47,472 --> 00:30:49,951
But now your todge
is going to fall off, so...
591
00:30:49,952 --> 00:30:53,951
Just shut the fuck up, man!
592
00:30:54,032 --> 00:30:57,631
Are you happy now?
593
00:30:57,632 --> 00:31:01,631
Yeah, I'm scared.
594
00:31:02,152 --> 00:31:06,151
I'm never going to have sex again
and I'm going to look like a freak.
595
00:31:07,832 --> 00:31:09,711
Well, I can't live with you
like this...
596
00:31:09,712 --> 00:31:13,711
you're going to do my head in.
597
00:31:15,312 --> 00:31:18,991
I might have an idea.
598
00:31:18,992 --> 00:31:22,911
I thought I'd cook you
some dinner tonight.
599
00:31:22,912 --> 00:31:24,511
Fishfingers, nothing special.
600
00:31:24,512 --> 00:31:26,591
Are you pregnant?
601
00:31:26,592 --> 00:31:27,671
What?
602
00:31:27,672 --> 00:31:29,071
It's OK.
603
00:31:29,072 --> 00:31:32,511
I know it's not what either of us
planned. I just want to say that...
604
00:31:32,512 --> 00:31:35,111
I'm there for you,
if you, you know...
605
00:31:35,112 --> 00:31:37,431
I'm not pregnant.
606
00:31:37,432 --> 00:31:38,631
I saw the pregnancy test thing
in the toilet.
607
00:31:38,632 --> 00:31:40,431
It's not mine.
608
00:31:40,432 --> 00:31:41,991
Well, Alisha says it's not hers,
so whose is it?
609
00:31:41,992 --> 00:31:43,511
I don't know!
610
00:31:43,512 --> 00:31:46,431
You can tell me.
Just... tell me the truth.
611
00:31:46,432 --> 00:31:47,671
I am!
612
00:31:47,672 --> 00:31:50,151
It's not mine.
I'm not pregnant, you dick.
613
00:31:50,152 --> 00:31:52,231
Right.
614
00:31:52,232 --> 00:31:54,191
So you can stop shitting yourself.
615
00:31:54,192 --> 00:31:56,391
What? It's fine, I wasn't worried.
616
00:31:56,392 --> 00:31:58,191
Nah, course you weren't!
617
00:31:58,192 --> 00:31:59,671
All right, maybe I was shitting
myself a little bit.
618
00:31:59,672 --> 00:32:01,111
MOBILE RINGS
619
00:32:01,112 --> 00:32:04,151
Oh, it's work. I'd better get this.
620
00:32:04,152 --> 00:32:05,631
Yeah?
621
00:32:05,632 --> 00:32:09,031
Right.
622
00:32:09,032 --> 00:32:12,871
What, you found it?
623
00:32:12,872 --> 00:32:16,871
And where is it now?
624
00:32:17,552 --> 00:32:20,591
Yeah, yeah, I'm still here.
625
00:32:20,592 --> 00:32:22,951
Um... yeah, I want it.
626
00:32:22,952 --> 00:32:26,951
I'll be right there.
627
00:32:30,552 --> 00:32:31,871
Something's come up.
628
00:32:31,872 --> 00:32:33,271
I need to get going.
629
00:32:33,272 --> 00:32:36,631
It's fine, don't worry about it.
630
00:32:36,632 --> 00:32:40,631
I'm really sorry.
631
00:32:56,312 --> 00:32:57,591
Make it quick.
632
00:32:57,592 --> 00:33:01,591
Oh, I see... you're a watcher.
Well, unlucky, cos I need a shit.
633
00:33:10,472 --> 00:33:14,311
CRASHING
634
00:33:14,312 --> 00:33:14,991
Oh!
635
00:33:14,992 --> 00:33:17,031
Are you all right?
636
00:33:17,032 --> 00:33:20,991
Just a bit of a messy one, mate.
You're better off out there.
637
00:33:20,992 --> 00:33:22,311
TOILET FLUSHES
638
00:33:22,312 --> 00:33:25,191
Swear you'll come back for me.
639
00:33:25,192 --> 00:33:27,951
Yep. Look, I promise.
640
00:33:27,952 --> 00:33:30,311
Thanks for doing this, man.
641
00:33:30,312 --> 00:33:34,231
Good luck, yeah?
642
00:33:34,232 --> 00:33:38,231
Hiya.
643
00:33:43,232 --> 00:33:46,591
I'm going to at least need some
antibacterial hand scrub
644
00:33:46,592 --> 00:33:50,591
or a hand towel. It's disgus...
645
00:34:10,272 --> 00:34:13,471
Just call me fucking Harry Houdini.
646
00:34:13,472 --> 00:34:15,271
I think I know where she might be.
647
00:34:15,272 --> 00:34:18,351
What?
648
00:34:18,352 --> 00:34:20,471
What's that?
Is that the best you've got?
649
00:34:20,472 --> 00:34:24,151
The future of my cock
depends on the slim chance
650
00:34:24,152 --> 00:34:27,311
that she's at some random nightclub?
Is that what you're saying?
651
00:34:27,312 --> 00:34:28,591
Yes.
652
00:34:28,592 --> 00:34:32,591
Well, let's get going, then!
653
00:34:38,712 --> 00:34:40,151
Shit.
654
00:34:40,152 --> 00:34:41,671
Yeah.
655
00:34:41,672 --> 00:34:43,471
I know.
656
00:34:43,472 --> 00:34:44,951
What are you going to do?
657
00:34:44,952 --> 00:34:46,271
I've tried everything.
658
00:34:46,272 --> 00:34:49,471
I'm stuck.
659
00:34:49,472 --> 00:34:51,351
So what happens to Curtis?
660
00:34:51,352 --> 00:34:54,711
I'm still here!
661
00:34:54,712 --> 00:34:57,871
So... what shall we call you?
662
00:34:57,872 --> 00:34:59,911
Like... Melissa or...?
663
00:34:59,912 --> 00:35:01,991
I don't give a shit!
664
00:35:01,992 --> 00:35:03,471
I'm going to have a baby.
665
00:35:03,472 --> 00:35:04,711
That isn't right.
666
00:35:04,712 --> 00:35:05,951
Kelly...
667
00:35:05,952 --> 00:35:07,031
I'm sorry.
668
00:35:07,032 --> 00:35:10,637
You can't have a baby where the mum's
a man who turns into a woman.
669
00:35:14,032 --> 00:35:18,031
There are options, you know.
670
00:35:19,992 --> 00:35:23,991
I'll see you tomorrow.
671
00:35:49,032 --> 00:35:53,031
It's in the boot.
672
00:35:54,792 --> 00:35:57,871
Are you going to ask me
where I found it?
673
00:35:57,872 --> 00:35:59,471
What?
674
00:35:59,472 --> 00:36:01,751
You know something,
after all this hassle,
675
00:36:01,752 --> 00:36:04,711
I thought you'd be
a little more excited.
676
00:36:04,712 --> 00:36:06,631
It's complicated.
677
00:36:06,632 --> 00:36:08,231
You do still want it, don't you?
678
00:36:08,232 --> 00:36:11,677
I mean, cos if you don't,
I can always find another buyer.
679
00:36:13,752 --> 00:36:15,031
Yeah.
680
00:36:15,032 --> 00:36:18,397
Yeah, I do want it.
681
00:36:20,272 --> 00:36:23,997
ENGINE STARTS
682
00:36:44,232 --> 00:36:48,231
(MUFFLED PROTESTS)
683
00:36:48,592 --> 00:36:50,551
Don't worry,
I'm not going to hurt you.
684
00:36:50,552 --> 00:36:52,586
I've just come to take your power.
685
00:37:07,099 --> 00:37:10,157
DANCE MUSIC POUNDS
686
00:37:26,229 --> 00:37:27,348
Where is she, man?
687
00:37:27,349 --> 00:37:28,548
We should split up.
688
00:37:28,549 --> 00:37:30,028
Oh, that is a good idea!
689
00:37:30,029 --> 00:37:34,028
Listen, look for a girl with
beautiful collarbones, mate.
690
00:37:34,549 --> 00:37:38,548
All right? Good lad.
691
00:38:05,229 --> 00:38:06,788
Jesus Christ.
692
00:38:06,789 --> 00:38:08,828
Argh! Argh!
693
00:38:08,829 --> 00:38:10,428
Whoa. Oh, it's great to see you!
694
00:38:10,429 --> 00:38:12,148
You wanker!
695
00:38:12,149 --> 00:38:16,148
Listen, please, help me out.
Just shag me and make me better.
696
00:38:16,149 --> 00:38:18,148
What, you think that's
what this is about?
697
00:38:18,149 --> 00:38:19,508
I want another fuck,
and everything goes back to normal?
698
00:38:19,509 --> 00:38:21,868
I don't know what you want!
699
00:38:21,869 --> 00:38:24,308
I just didn't want to be treated
like shit!
700
00:38:24,309 --> 00:38:27,988
Guys like you, you shit on girls and
you just walk away, no harm done.
701
00:38:27,989 --> 00:38:29,788
You make me sick.
702
00:38:29,789 --> 00:38:33,788
Well, guess what?
Now your dick's going to fall off.
703
00:38:33,789 --> 00:38:35,308
And I'm glad.
704
00:38:35,309 --> 00:38:39,308
I'm hanging by a thread. I am
hanging by a thread! Help me out!
705
00:38:39,589 --> 00:38:40,908
Please help me.
706
00:38:40,909 --> 00:38:44,908
Fuck! Fuck's sake! My penis!
707
00:38:45,549 --> 00:38:49,548
Jesus Christ! Get out the way, move.
708
00:38:55,149 --> 00:38:57,468
RECORD SCRATCHES TO A STOP
709
00:38:57,469 --> 00:38:59,028
(GIRL)
Get off the stage, you wanker.
710
00:38:59,029 --> 00:39:02,508
Sorry to interrupt your party. Um...
711
00:39:02,509 --> 00:39:04,348
There's just something
I need to say.
712
00:39:04,349 --> 00:39:05,388
(MAN)
Fuck off!
713
00:39:05,389 --> 00:39:06,828
Hmm. I just want to say,
714
00:39:06,829 --> 00:39:09,268
to all the girls
I might have had sex with...
715
00:39:09,269 --> 00:39:11,828
and treated like shit,
716
00:39:11,829 --> 00:39:13,788
I am sorry.
717
00:39:13,789 --> 00:39:15,708
I'm sorry.
718
00:39:15,709 --> 00:39:18,948
I don't know why I do it.
719
00:39:18,949 --> 00:39:21,188
Maybe I am... scared.
720
00:39:21,189 --> 00:39:25,148
I just... I'm scared
that if you get to know me,
721
00:39:25,149 --> 00:39:29,148
when I'm not pissed and fucking
showing off, being a dick,
722
00:39:30,029 --> 00:39:32,628
you'll think I'm nothing...
723
00:39:32,629 --> 00:39:36,628
special.
724
00:39:37,949 --> 00:39:41,948
I'm just a twat with a big mouth.
Um...
725
00:39:42,229 --> 00:39:44,348
I never meant to hurt anyone.
726
00:39:44,349 --> 00:39:47,948
I'm sorry.
727
00:39:47,949 --> 00:39:49,228
Thanks, that's all I have to say.
728
00:39:49,229 --> 00:39:50,868
(GIRL)
Fuck off, then!
729
00:39:50,869 --> 00:39:53,668
(MAN)
Shut up, you northern monkey!
730
00:39:53,669 --> 00:39:57,668
CROWD JEERS
731
00:40:04,363 --> 00:40:06,957
DANCE MUSIC RESTARTS
732
00:40:19,229 --> 00:40:20,828
You looked like you meant that.
733
00:40:20,829 --> 00:40:22,788
I did. I did.
734
00:40:22,789 --> 00:40:24,548
You ever do this to anyone else...
735
00:40:24,549 --> 00:40:26,708
I swear! I swear to God,
I'll never do it again.
736
00:40:26,709 --> 00:40:30,708
Just make me better, please.
737
00:40:32,389 --> 00:40:35,948
Is that...? It's going back to
normal? It's going back to normal!
738
00:40:35,949 --> 00:40:37,828
Thank you so much!
739
00:40:37,829 --> 00:40:39,228
Anyway, nice knowing you.
740
00:40:39,229 --> 00:40:43,228
No, wait... I'm sorry, I didn't...
741
00:40:43,309 --> 00:40:45,348
I never got your name.
742
00:40:45,349 --> 00:40:48,148
I'm Rudy.
743
00:40:48,149 --> 00:40:51,988
Leah.
744
00:40:51,989 --> 00:40:55,988
You seem like a really nice girl.
745
00:40:56,469 --> 00:40:58,948
Do you want to...
746
00:40:58,949 --> 00:41:01,108
do you want to go for a drink?
747
00:41:01,109 --> 00:41:02,548
(LAUGHS)
Oooh!
748
00:41:02,549 --> 00:41:06,548
So you want to get me drunk
and fuck me again, is that it?
749
00:41:06,709 --> 00:41:09,908
That's not what it is.
750
00:41:09,909 --> 00:41:12,428
It's not.
751
00:41:12,429 --> 00:41:16,428
See you later.
752
00:41:28,429 --> 00:41:30,957
MOBILE RINGS
753
00:41:42,029 --> 00:41:44,868
'This is Seth, leave a message.'
754
00:41:44,869 --> 00:41:47,948
It's me.
I just wanted to say about Morocco.
755
00:41:47,949 --> 00:41:51,948
I don't know why I didn't say yeah
straightaway. I'm a dick.
756
00:41:52,309 --> 00:41:56,308
It's just that no-one's ever asked me
to go on holiday with them before.
757
00:41:56,469 --> 00:42:00,468
Anyway, yeah,
so just give me a call later.
758
00:42:01,549 --> 00:42:05,548
I miss ya.
759
00:42:28,989 --> 00:42:30,668
Where's Curtis?
760
00:42:30,669 --> 00:42:32,188
I don't know.
761
00:42:32,189 --> 00:42:34,148
I think he's got morning sickness.
762
00:42:34,149 --> 00:42:36,548
He should eat ginger biscuits.
763
00:42:36,549 --> 00:42:40,548
Apparently it helps
alleviate the nausea.
764
00:42:40,669 --> 00:42:44,668
Check this out!
Here you are, check it out.
765
00:42:45,629 --> 00:42:47,788
Check that bastard out,
it's immaculate!
766
00:42:47,789 --> 00:42:49,148
I'm very happy for you.
767
00:42:49,149 --> 00:42:50,268
Thank you.
768
00:42:50,269 --> 00:42:52,628
And, you know, thank you.
769
00:42:52,629 --> 00:42:55,708
Your boyfriend helped save my cock,
did you know that?
770
00:42:55,709 --> 00:42:56,988
I'm so proud!
771
00:42:56,989 --> 00:42:58,668
Yeah, and so you bloody should be.
772
00:42:58,669 --> 00:43:00,748
Do you know what, man?
It made me wonder.
773
00:43:00,749 --> 00:43:02,588
Cos you can't live life
for yourself.
774
00:43:02,589 --> 00:43:04,548
You've got to think about
other people.
775
00:43:04,549 --> 00:43:06,348
Like that song, you know...
776
00:43:06,349 --> 00:43:08,708
High School Musical,
777
00:43:08,709 --> 00:43:10,028
We're All In This Together?
778
00:43:10,029 --> 00:43:14,028
I never understood that song,
until now, mate. And...
779
00:43:14,989 --> 00:43:16,508
Oh, mate!
780
00:43:16,509 --> 00:43:17,628
I'm sorry.
781
00:43:17,629 --> 00:43:20,028
I completely forgot, mate.
782
00:43:20,029 --> 00:43:22,588
I'm... I'm sorry!
783
00:43:22,589 --> 00:43:23,948
Don't be like that!
784
00:43:23,949 --> 00:43:27,108
Don't, mate. I would've
remembered you eventually!
785
00:43:27,109 --> 00:43:28,308
Don't... Fuck!
786
00:43:28,309 --> 00:43:30,068
Dude! Come here, mate.
787
00:43:30,069 --> 00:43:34,068
Sorry. I'm sorry!
788
00:43:39,629 --> 00:43:42,468
And how can I help you today?
789
00:43:42,469 --> 00:43:46,228
It's me, Curtis.
790
00:43:46,229 --> 00:43:48,068
Right.
791
00:43:48,069 --> 00:43:50,428
Suits you.
792
00:43:50,429 --> 00:43:51,908
I'm stuck.
793
00:43:51,909 --> 00:43:53,268
I can't switch back.
794
00:43:53,269 --> 00:43:57,268
I need you to take my power.
795
00:43:59,229 --> 00:44:01,788
I can help you.
796
00:44:01,789 --> 00:44:03,268
But I need you to do
something for me.
797
00:44:03,269 --> 00:44:04,308
Whatever.
798
00:44:04,309 --> 00:44:05,428
I'll do it.
799
00:44:05,429 --> 00:44:07,188
I've got another power.
800
00:44:07,189 --> 00:44:10,748
I need to put it in you,
and you'll have to use it for me.
801
00:44:10,749 --> 00:44:13,508
What power?
802
00:44:13,509 --> 00:44:17,108
The power to bring people
back from the dead.
803
00:44:17,109 --> 00:44:18,188
Like who?
804
00:44:18,189 --> 00:44:21,228
A girl.
805
00:44:21,229 --> 00:44:25,228
I'm going to need more than that.
806
00:44:26,389 --> 00:44:28,988
My dead girlfriend.
807
00:44:28,989 --> 00:44:31,668
Ah, nah. Kelly's a mate.
I can't do that to her.
808
00:44:31,669 --> 00:44:34,188
It isn't like that.
809
00:44:34,189 --> 00:44:38,108
I need to do this.
810
00:44:38,109 --> 00:44:42,108
We can help each other out.
811
00:44:50,349 --> 00:44:52,253
OK.
812
00:45:28,629 --> 00:45:31,668
Let's go resurrect
my dead girlfriend.
813
00:45:31,669 --> 00:45:33,548
What the fuck is going on?
814
00:45:33,549 --> 00:45:34,788
Why are you dumping me?
815
00:45:34,789 --> 00:45:35,828
Shannon's alive.
816
00:45:35,829 --> 00:45:38,988
Cheerleaders! Sweet!
817
00:45:38,989 --> 00:45:40,828
He's dead.
818
00:45:40,829 --> 00:45:43,548
Mr Miggles got hit by a car.
I brought him back to life.
819
00:45:43,549 --> 00:45:44,628
Miggles!
820
00:45:44,629 --> 00:45:45,788
He attacked me.
821
00:45:45,789 --> 00:45:48,748
They think you're a zombie.
They're coming to kill you.
822
00:45:48,749 --> 00:45:52,277
We smash their skulls to destroy
their brains. We kill them all.
823
00:45:54,389 --> 00:45:57,228
We're really not bad kids.
824
00:45:57,229 --> 00:45:58,245
Yeah.
56523
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