Original subtitles

[dramatic orchestral music]

♪ ♪

[choir vocalizing]

♪ ♪

- Has "GQ Magazine" called, sir?

- No, why?

- Because it looks like

you're ready to be on the cover.

- Aww.

- That was so fucking sweet.

You're so much better than

old Owen, new Owen.

- I try, sir.

After all, you are the future king.

- I know.

Thank you.

- And what a glorious king you will be.

Songs will be written about your rule.

Armies will fight in your name.

Statues will be built in your honor.

- Ooh, a statue.

We should get on that right now.

You know what, new O?

Why don't we go shopping after school today?

We'll get you some face cream or something,

to help with--

all that.

- Oh, sir.

Your generosity knows no bounds.

To think that someone as insignificant as myself co--

- Okay, okay, I'm late for breakfast.

But text me the rest of that.

I liked where it was going.

[silverware clanging]

- Lovely jubbly that the whole family is together.

- Yeah, fucking lovely.

Camilla, do you have anything you want to add?

"It's hot, it's hot" perhaps?

- That was total bullshit!

- You're right, Mummy,

she should have kept her big mouth shut!

This is the way it has to be now, darling.

- You look gorgeous this morning.

Shall we, you know, later?

- I would very much like to,

you know,

later.

- Ugh, I preferred you two the other way.

- We still haven't heard about all your adventures in L.A.

- Ooh, remind me to tell them the story

about when I bought milk.

- I think you just told it.

- Mary?

Where's Mary?

- Yes, your Majesty.

- Oh, there you are.

Hey, girl.

Listen, at tea today,

I want that thing.

- And to what thing are you referring, ma'am?

- You know, the thing.

The thing.

- The--

the flummery tart?

Uh, but, we--

- But you what, Mary?

- We thought you didn't want it any longer.

My mistake, of course,ma'am.

The flummery tart today at tea.

- Oh, my god.

- I know.

- What's their deal, anyway?

And where the fuck is Charlotte?

[upbeat accordion music]

- [speaking French]

- [speaking French]

- Do you have it?

What is this?

I meant the files.

- Keep it down.

The flash drive is hidden in the baguette.

- Oh.

- Yeah, oh.

I'm a fucking professional.

And George is becoming a problem,

I think he's on to me.

- Then your next assignment...

is to eliminate the problem.

- I can't do that.

He's my brother.

[clicks]

- Eliminate the problem.

Oh, leave the baguette, would you?

I have eggs coming.

[bell rings]

- Do you guys want to come over?

I finally figured out the parental lock on my TV.

- What?

Can we watch "Fleabag"?

- Oh, my God, yes.

I hear Phoebe Waller-Bridge is sensational.

- You guys haven't seen "Fleabag"?

What the fuck do you do after school?

- Your homework.

- Whatever.

- Well, would you want to watch it again?

- It's five years old,

so no.

♪ You're toxic, I'm slippin' under ♪

♪ With a taste of a poison paradise ♪

- Ciao, bitches.

[both exhale]

- I'm glad I have you.

- I'm glad I have you too.

- I think we're safe in assuming

you have problem skin.

So go pick out anything for yourself in the, say,

how about 20-to-30-pound range?

- Why, sir, you're too generous.

Hand soap from a public toilet is

good enough for my poor, withered--

- Yeah, yeah. Just go pick something.

Jesus, that's getting old.

Where the fuck is everyone?

Hello?

Can I get a salesman?

- Yes, sir, how can I help y--

- Owen?

- Your Royal Highness,

how wonderful to see you.

You're looking well.

- You look good too.

You know, for whatever age you are.

So...

this is where you work now?

- Part-time, yes.

- Oh, okay, thanks for making it worse.

So how's the tiny garden?

- You remember!

It's doing very well, sir.

The forsythias are in bloom.

- You were always a slut for a forsythia.

- I miss you, sir.

- Aw, O.

I miss you t--

- I found something for £5, sir,

that's more than adequate for my--

Oh.

Hello, Owen.

- Yes, hello.

- Splendid to see you've landed on your feet.

Well, we should be going, sir.

You do have an appointment with the sculptor.

- Oh, right.

I'm doing a statue; they asked.

It's a whole thing.

- Of course.

Lovely to see you, sir.

- Yeah, you too.

- Well,

ta-ta.

[finger squeaks on glass]

Oh, and the glass is a bit streaked, dear.

Might want to clean that.

[tense music]

- Fuck, fuck.

I can't believe you fucking killed them all.

- Yeah, with a flamethrower.

[mimes flamethrower]

- I said "take care" of them.

- It was implied, and you know it.

Now I feel bad.

- Can anyone else make the tarts?

Belinda, can you make them?

- They never wanted to give me the recipe.

Also, they didn't talk.

- Perfect. This is just perfect.

- I thought the whole idea was

no one could make them except the monsters.

Like, wasn't that their whole shtick?

- Not helping, Teddy.

Oh, God.

- It's going to be okay. I'm here.

- [cries]

I need you now, Greg.

Don't leave me.

- You are fucked.

- Well, what are we going to do?

If the Queen's not eating that tart at tea time,

we're all screwed.

- ♪ And you know that you're toxic ♪

[hums instrumental]

Oh, look, the gang's all here.

- Hello, Kevin.

- Who died?

- The Queen wants that tart again,

but we don't know how to make it.

- That tart?

- Yes, the flummery tart.

And tea is in an hour.

I fucking hate her!

- You know, I think I might be able to manage.

- Oh, my God. Really, Kevin?

- I think so, yes.

Leave it to me.

- Well...

that's grand, then.

- Yes, isn't it?

Let me give it a go.

[eerie music]

- Another day, another afternoon tea.

I can barely contain my excitement.

- It's the breakfasts that kill me.

- Oy, you, move.

Move. [laughs]

Arseholes.

- Someone really needs to get that kid under control.

- Well,

look who it is.

Why'd they come back?

Isn't that odd?

- I was thinking the same thing.

They're up to something.

- Yes...

something sinister.

♪ Over, under, around and through ♪

♪ Meet Mr. Bunny Rabbit, pull and through! ♪

I did it.

- Good job, Harry.

- Hey, guys.

So funny bumping into you.

- Yeah, I mean, we all live here now, so.

Not that funny.

- [laughs] Ohh, you're hilarious, Meghan.

Why did you move back here anyway?

- Uh, it was ultimately a tough call,

but there were a lot of factors to consider.

- We couldn't get jobs,

and we ran out of money.

We ate chicken out of bowls,

and rode in big cars full of smelly people

to something called "work".

Every day was a new nightmare.

- [laughs]

There were highs and lows; it's all good.

Anyway, see you guys at tea.

Come on, Harry.

- It's untied again.

- Just keep walking.

- Time to turn the fuck up.

- Hey, Gan Gan,

have you ever missed a servant you got rid of?

- Is this, like, a joke?

- Are you okay?

- Yeah.

It's my birthday.

- I know.

- Aww.

- Try to keep the chatter down, hm, Camilla?

Doesn't Camilla talk too much, Mummy?

Isn't she the worst?

- Yes.

I like when you shit on her.

This is a good area for you.

- Then I will shit on her day and night, Mummy.

I'm doing this for us, darling.

- Sorry, I'm late.

I was playing with my dolls.

- I don't believe you.

I don't believe a word that comes out of your mouth.

- Woof, you look bloated, George.

I can always tell when you've had pancakes for breakfast.

- I had one.

It's this shirt.

Ugh, I can't be a fat statue.

Look at the two of them plotting.

What do you think they're saying?

- I haven't yet pooped yet today.

- Okay, well, thanks for that.

- I don't know.

But they're definitely up to something.

[line trilling]

- Where are you, Owen?

- Hey, Mary.

Where's the thing?

You know, that thing.

- Yes, ma'am, the flummery tart.

They're being prepared now.

- Oh, well, by all means,

take your fucking time.

- You're too easy on them, Liz,

that's the problem.

What do they do all day?

- Boy, he really got a second wind.

- I need you now more than ever, Greg.

I love you.

I...

love you too.

- I want those fucking tarts!

- [screams] They're coming!

[eerie music]

- It's all right, everyone.

I'm here with you now.

I'll avenge us all.

And now, my little tarts,

you will finish my work for me.

Just one final ingredient.

[intense tones]

- Poison.

Fuck.

Where'd it go?

I just had it.

God damn it.

Poison, poison, poison...

If I were a box of...

Ah, here it is.

Poison.

- It's you.

I knew it.

Hello, Edmund.

Would you care for a flummery tart?

I'm very good at making them.

You could even say...

it's in my blood.

- No, I never liked them--

always too sweet, and with a weird aftertaste--

but that's not why I don't want one!

- You killed my entire family,

and now you'll pay.

Every last one of you.

Even that insufferable little shit George.

- He's annoying; I'll give you that one.

But you'll never get away with this, Kevin.

- I'm sorry, I can't hear you.

Would you mind coming closer, please?

- I said--

you'll never get away with this, Kevin--

[grunts]

- Oh, I think I already have.

♪ With a taste of your lips, I'm on a ride ♪

♪ You're toxic, I'm slipping under ♪

♪ With a taste of a poison paradise ♪

♪ I'm addicted to you ♪

♪ Don't you know that you're toxic? ♪

["Toxic" instrumental plays]

♪ ♪

- Oh, no.

- What is it, lovey?

- I have to go.

It's George.

He's in trouble.

[tense tone]