Original subtitles

[dramatic orchestral music]

♪ ♪

[choir vocalizing]

♪ ♪

[door slams]

- I want this problem to go away

permanently.

Do you understand what that means?

- Yes, your majesty.

- What does it mean?

- You're always hitting me with your hat!

- Hey.

- Oh, George.

Come here. [grunts]

Come here, lovely, lovely, lovely to see ya.

Lovely, look, look, you look strong.

- Okay, okay, take it down a notch.

So is Gan Gan in there?

- Mum, Mum!

It's Georgie!

- Jesus.

Okay, thanks, Louis.

Ugh, hate that kid.

- Hello, sweetheart. What can I do for you?

- Hey, Gan Gan, so--

- First, do you have a cigarette?

- Uh...no. - Fuck.

Okay, go on. - Right.

So as you know, I'm starring in the school musical "Oliver!"

- I fucking love "Oliver!"

[weakly] "Please, sir, I want some more."

Hilarious!

- I know, right?

And, well, I've got a lot of songs,

and I was wondering, I mean, I'm clearly good, right?

People wouldn't tell me I was good

if I wasn't good, would they?

- Well, of course you are. We're the best at everything.

We're just born like that. It's so cool.

- Yeah, that's what I thought.

I mean, obviously.

- Found one.

You want to share?

- Not before breakfast.

[lightly eerie music]

[click, click]

[cutlery clinking on plates]

- Everything is really yummy this morning.

Who makes this stuff, anyway?

- Hm, never thought of that before.

It's always just here, isn't it?

- "Big Bang Theory"!

- Jesus.

Now is breakfast.

"Big Bang Theory" is later.

- "Big Bang Theory"!

- Later!

He's obsessed with that show.

- Hi, Mummy. Hi, Daddy.

- Where the hell have you been? - In my room, coloring.

- I didn't see you in your room.

- If I said I was in my room, I was in my goddamn room.

Do you have a fucking problem with that?

Good, I didn't think so.

- [softly] She just read the shit out of him.

- That was so delicious

I don't need to eat the rest of the day.

- Did you say something, Mum? - Hm?

No, dear, why?

- Oh, I thought I heard you talking about me

starring in the school musical.

- So desperate.

- The thirst is real.

- Everyone's coming to my opening night, right?

- Of course we are, sweetheart.

- "Big Bang Theory"! - We'll tape it!

♪ ♪

- What are we eating again? - Cereal.

- Say again?

- Cereal.

- And am I tasting chicken?

- You're tasting fucking cereal.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm just really stressed.

We are completely out of money.

- Maybe it's time we dip into your fortune from "Suits."

- There is no fortune from "Suits"!

I don't know what to do.

How are we gonna pay for school for Arby--Archie?

- I have to tell you,

I never realized so many things cost money.

Like this chicken. I bet you had to pay for it.

- Cereal!

And, yes, you have to pay for everything, Harry.

Life is hard. Most people struggle.

- I have red hair. I know struggle.

- Oh, God.

We're gonna have to move back in with your family.

- I thought I could make it work for us here, Meghan.

I'm sorry.

- [sighs] It's not your fault.

I kind of took you out of your natural habitat.

I'm surprised you're still breathing.

- And I know how much you must be missing Kate.

So awful the way the media has to pit women

against each other and make it seem like you hate her,

when in reality--

- When in reality, I hate her!

But, yes, I know what you mean. It's terrible.

- Well, I should let them know to send a plane for us.

- No, we can fly commercial with miles and--

Ah, fuck it, have 'em send a plane.

[upbeat orchestral music]

- [slurping]

O, do you think these have a lot of calories?

- I'm going to say no.

- Yeah, that's what I thought, too.

Well, I guess I should get back to rehearsal

so Sebastian doesn't have to keep embarrassing himself.

Poor thing. - Oh, I think he's very--

Uh, yes, you should get back to rehearsal.

- What? What were you about to say?

He's very what? - Very...

out of his league, sir.

Like having to understudy Barbra Streisand

in "Funny Girl."

- Aw, thanks, O.

Wow, big shoes, huh?

I'm not gaining weight, am I?

You're not Regina George-ing me with these Frappuccinos?

- Why, I was just about to say you were too thin, sir.

- Aw, thank you.

I'm very much enjoying you today.

- Sebastian, would you please join us

for "Consider Yourself"?

- Consider yourself no longer needed, Sebastian.

I've got it from here.

- Oh, right.

Of course, George. - This is fucked up.

- Then would you like to lead us in the next song, George?

- Oh, you want me to sing?

Now?

But I haven't done any of my vocal warm-ups.

I don't have my tea, I don't have my special scarf...

- Why, you don't even need to rehearse, sir.

Your performance is bound to be one for the ages.

Not since Barbra Streisand in "Funny Girl."

- Ooh, I've been hearing that a lot.

- Isn't George the most talented boy

you've ever seen, children?

[applause]

- This is killing you, isn't it?

[orchestral music]

- You know who I think is creepy?

Charlotte.

- They're all creepy.

- Well, I'm going to turn in.

Pleasant dreams, all.

- Night, Kevin. - Good night, Kev!

- Well, we should turn in, too. Ready, Greg?

- I think I'm going to stay up a bit longer.

You go on, though. - Oh, okay.

I'll just go to bed, then.

Alone.

[sobs]

- Dude, what the fuck?

- Please, you have no idea.

- Does Kevin remind you of anyone?

[soft, eerie music]

♪ ♪

- Don't worry.

They'll pay.

They'll all pay.

Ooh, should've brought a jumper.

- Oh, I see you have your face mask on.

Or is that just your face?

In any case, you look exquisite, my darling.

I can't wait for the day I get to make you my queen, Camilla.

Ooh, I want to be king so bad.

And then you'll be adored and desired by billions.

I can't take it any longer.

I'm going to ravish you right here.

Wow, that was intense.

- I don't know, Philip.

I've been thinking, maybe it's time to step down

and let Charles ascend the throne.

What do you think?

Well?

- "Big Bang Theory"!

- You and that fucking show.

- Everyone'll be at George's show tomorrow night.

That's when I'll make my escape.

Oh, I'm sorry, wrong number.

I thought this was my lawyer.

Y-you have a good night, too.

Ah, embarrassing.

- Good night, sir. - Good night, Owen.

Owen? - Yes, sir?

- Never mind.

- You're going to be brilliant tomorrow.

[door closes]

- But what if I'm not?

[sighs]

♪ Once upon a time ♪

♪ I was a prince without a care ♪

♪ My life was like a fairy tale with me the royal heir ♪

♪ But now I'm not so sure ♪

♪ What once seemed bright is growing dim ♪

♪ Yes, my fairytale has gone from Disney light ♪

♪ To Brothers Grimm ♪

Ugh.

♪ ♪

♪ Where is my happily ever after? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Can I be certain it's on its way? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ They say I'm top of my class ♪

♪ Are they just kissing my ass? ♪

♪ Where is my happily ever after? ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ Last year this cottage was filled with laughter ♪

♪ ♪

♪ But now I'm just living day to day ♪

♪ ♪

♪ My smile once shined like the sun ♪

♪ Now what I'd give for a gun ♪

♪ Where is my happily ever after? ♪

- ♪ It's getting hard to convince myself ♪

♪ That I still have a plan ♪

- ♪ Who knew when I married a prince ♪

both: ♪ He'd turn out to be just a man? ♪

both: ♪ Where is my happily ever after? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ It seems my princess has gone astray ♪

♪ ♪

♪ She's not at all like our mum ♪

♪ When will our own kingdom come? ♪

all: ♪ Where is my happily ever after? ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ Where is my happily ever after? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ This endless waiting is all that I've known ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I know it sounds a bit mean ♪

♪ But please, God, don't save the queen ♪

♪ I want my happily ever after ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ Where is my happily ever after? ♪

- [grunting and babbling]

- ♪ I guess it's time to put Charles on the throne ♪

- [grunting and babbling]

- ♪ But give Camilla the crown? ♪

- [grunts]

- ♪ I'd rather throw the bitch down ♪

- [grunts]

- ♪ 'Twould be my happily ever after ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ It's getting harder to quit ♪

♪ Just who am I trying to outsmart? ♪

- ♪ When will Miss Cathy admit ♪

♪ That I have the look and the voice for the part? ♪

- ♪ Do I have the look and the voice ♪

[off-key] ♪ For the part? ♪

both: ♪ Where is our happily ever after? ♪

all: ♪ Where is my happily ever after? ♪

- ♪ I need some loving behind the scenes ♪

- ♪ God, it feels like I'm serving two queens ♪

- ♪ But soon revenge will be mine ♪

♪ The end of the Windsor line ♪

♪ I'll see them soon hanging from every rafter ♪

♪ ♪

all: ♪ Where is my happily ever ♪

♪ Where is my happily ever ♪

♪ Where is my happily ♪

♪ Ever after? ♪

- [grunts]

[dramatic orchestral music]

♪ ♪

[choir vocalizing]

♪ ♪