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This is me.

- Oh, yeah!
- No, not this guy.

Oh, yeah. Oh, don't stop!

- Oh, my God!
- This guy.

Oh, my God!

Oh, right there!

Oh, yeah!

I... I'm gonna...

I kind of wanted
to freeze to death that day.

Tim Long, no!

I even fantasized
about a headline.

"Teenage Genius Dies
In Blizzard".

But in truth, I knew my death

would make one paragraph
on page 12 at best.

I grew up in what is technically
known among geographers

as the middle
of fucking nowhere,

in a town whose mascot
was this guy.

The white squirrel.

Now, white squirrels have a recessive
gene that makes them super rare...

And super dumb.

And in 1986,

when the town was in the midst
of a crippling recession,

Hobart and the squirrel
had a lot in common.

They were both throwbacks
on the verge of extinction,

struggling to fight off
stronger competitors,

and almost totally white.

Tim, come on!

Yeah, it's tough
for everybody right now.

Did you hear about
Robertson's variety?

You know Doug Robertson,
no head for business.

Tim, Mom's waiting!

That's what you said
about Stedman Shoes

and they've been in business
for 60 years, right?

Hey, buddy!

Hey.

Yeah.

You know, you don't got to go to
the parade meeting with your mom.

You can always head down
to the rink and, uh,

I don't know, hang out
with your friends.

Why'd you have
to mention friends?

I spy with my little eye
something that starts with a C.

Car?

Yeah.

Hobart's annual
white squirrel parade

was the most embarrassing

and culturally cringeworthy
event imaginable...

Unless you are four years old,

or Kevin, the parade organizer.

Come with me, if you will,

on a...

On a journey

- through the mists of time.
- Whoa.

Let the years roll back
before your eyes.

The '70s turn into the '60s.

Groovy.

Right on.

The '50s, Elvis...

The '40s, Korea...

Back and back and back we go...

It's 1939.

The Nazis are cutting
a swath through Europe.

Jews and gypsies are
murdered indiscriminately.

Ooh.

And the Toronto Maple Leafs have
won their second Stanley Cup.

Yeah!

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

I propose this year,

we recreate Hobart's very first

white squirrel parade.

I'm sorry, why are there Nazis?

There won't be actual Nazis,

it was just
for historical context.

Um, before we commit
to any one theme,

we should maybe look at cost.

Cut back a little.

Hell, no.

You know who cuts corners
on their town fairs?

Wingham.

I think that Sheila has a point.

I mean,
money is so tight these days.

Maybe we can cut back
on the snow removal,

or the daycare hours
at the old folks home.

But what about the theme?
Retro vintage!

Okay, I think that the parade is
really important to a lot of people.

So, why don't we just all
put our thinking caps on

and, uh,
we'll discuss it next week.

I tell you what,
why don't we put our thinking caps on,

just discuss it next week.

I know the parade is really
important to everyone.

- That's a great idea, Gary.
- Thank you.

While my schoolmates
were at the rink,

I sought solace in the company
of our Town Hall janitor.

Hello.

I, uh, couldn't decide between.

Yojimbo, Subway
and La Dolce Vita,

so I brought them all.

What was that again?

You told me you'd bought
a VCR player,

so I thought I'd bring
some movies.

I don't care much for movies.

Right, sure.

But, in case you change
your mind,

I'm gonna leave these here.

Movies from all around
the world,

including one from Korea.

I shot my best friend in Korea.

Used his body for shelter.

Okay.

I... I didn't know that, I'm sorry.
I'll take that one out.

Farewell, The Housemaid.

There's a tampon blocking
the drain pipe.

I'll see you later.

Yeah, okay.

Good luck with the, uh...

Good luck with the...
With the tampon.

You were really
impressive in there, Gary.

You have such a way with words.

Thank you for keeping
Tim company.

Careful, it's the Crowfoots.

What can I do for you, sir?

Gun permit.

- Downstairs to the left...
- Oops! Sorry!

I heard the sister
doesn't even talk.

Hi, Tim Long!

Look, same sweater!

See?

Hey, Long.

How's your book?

Uh, it's... It's not a book,

it's a magazine.

Yeah? Are you gonna fuck it?

How exactly would I do that?

I don't know, man,
you're the one who's gay.

Why is the magazine a man?

Dude, Fleming's coming.
We gotta go.

Quel est ton film prefere?

What is your favorite film?

Mary. Quel est ton film prefere?

Mon film prefere,
c'est Endless Love avec Brooke Shields.

Craig.
Quel est ton film prefere?

Mon film prefere,

c'est Porky's III: Porky's Revenge.

Monsieur Long?

Shit, here we go...

- All right.
- Um...

Mon film prefere, c'est.

Le Cercle Rouge
par Jean-Pierre Melville.

What is the story?

Um...

Wait, hold on.

I just wanna talk to you about

this France-Canada
exchange program.

This is a really great way
to expand your horizons.

A super-duper way
to make friends,

learn about the world,
make sure your parents see this, too.

Attention,
students, Principal Wareham

has decided to make final period

a mandatory physical
education hour

at our very own
White Squirrel Ice Rink!

Yes!

Jesus, does that mean
we can go now?

Actually, Monsieur Hudson,

Tim hadn't finished
describing his film.

- Monsieur Long, continue.
- Please, no more.

Um...

Perhaps you can bring it in

and we can watch it en classe.

Everybody, enjoy your skating.

I'm gonna kill myself.

En francais.

- Je vais me tuer.
- Bien.

Take a little look.

Oh, and, uh,
just one more thing.

All non-skaters should bring their
homework to the north bleachers!

Hey.

You gonna skate?

Does the Pope wear a dress?

Yeah, I think
I might, too, once I'm...

- all finished up here.
- How's your hearing?

- My hearing?
- Yeah.

It's good.

You didn't respond to the, uh,
joke about the Pope in the dress.

Yeah, well,
you make that one a lot, so...

Do I?

I... Well...

Four...

Five...

Six... Mmm.

That was good feedback.

Thank you.

You're funny.

Yes, I am.

♪ Tim Long, Tim Long

♪ Rocket to the stars
every weekend tonight ♪

I like to make up songs
with people's names.

♪ Cecil's got a woman
in the city... ♪

Shut up! Everyone hates
your stupid songs.

Uh, you know, I haven't heard
enough of them to say I hate them.

Hate is a word I reserve
for apartheid...

And famine.

♪ Apartheid and famine! ♪

You know,
you look just like Steve Dalrymple.

- Who?
- Steve Dalrymple?

He was that kid who
moved here from Manitoba?

And then his dad
got hit by a motorbike?

And then they moved
back to Manitoba?

Yeah, I... I don't remember him.

I always thought
Steve Dalrymple was cute.

Flash blizzard!

- Okay, I'll see you.
- Okay...

Ow!

Out of the way, Tim!

Mom, open the car!

- Fuck off!
- Ow!

Such a loser.

Why do we live here?

We don't even have a McDonald's.

Okay.

It suddenly struck me
that the French exchange

could be my salvation,

my chance to inject
some sophistication,

some culture, some
je ne sais quoi into my life.

I could find someone who
wouldn't stare at me blankly

when I talked about Truffaut,

or think that the French New
Wave was a hairstyle.

Finally, I could find
a real friend.

What's he doing now?

I don't know.

- Jerking off?
- How can you use a computer to jerk off?

They'll find a way.

They always find a way.

- This is fun, Tim.
- No, no, please.

- You got it?
- Handsome boy.

- Yeah. On?
- Yeah.

I'm here, uh, with Tim Long,

awaiting the arrival
of a young man from Paris.

Tell our viewers
how you're feeling.

Can we stop, please?
This guy's from Europe.

He's gonna be sophisticated and
smart and worldly, and he's...

- He's not gonna like it.
- Oh, Tim, are we embarrassing you?

Jesus.

- Huh.
- Well...

Um, this is Sheila Long,
Long Family News, the airport.

- I thought it was fun.
- God, this thing weighs a ton.

They don't tell you that on the box,
or how much the goddamn tapes cost.

- Oh, expensive.
- Come on. Save me.

Hey.

Allo, Tim.

Allo, Tim Long.

What?

I am your exchange partner,
Stephane Belmadi. Eh?

What do you mean?

- For Tim Long?
- Glenn, you getting this?

- I actually have no idea...
- Get in there. Zoom in.

If this is on or not, but...

- And you must be Glenn?
- Yeah.

- Well, bonjour.
- Hello.

- I think there's a mix-up.
- Bonjour.

Wow, Sheila. A beauty.

Whoa!

- Ah.
- Enchantee.

So beautiful.

Three times.

Long family.

So, Stephane, um,
our car is in the...

Just, uh...

- Give him the word.
- Yeah.

Should've dog-eared this.

It's masculine.

Okay, then. Mix-up?

I just... I get stuck on
that. Hang on.

It was here earlier.

Okay, "le parking."
Same word. Same word.

Let's go.

- Okay, okay.
- Okay, okay.

Now, it's a bit of a drive.

Stephane, do you need to use
the little boys' room?

You crazy boy. Come on.

Whoa.

- Ah, cow.
- Mmm.

- Seelo.
- Silo.

Oui. Mmm-hmm.

- Silo.
- Oh, yeah.

And, uh...

Uh, cow.

Uh...

- House.
- Yeah.

- Oui?
- Oh, yeah.

Cow.

Uh, yeah. No.
Yeah, we live in a very agricultural area,

so a lot of cow.

Before I come here, people say,
"Why you go Canada? It's so boring."

But for me it's tres bien.

Big wow for Canada, huh.

Really?

Oui, oui.

The people who say
that Canada is shit USA,

these people are,
uh, how you say...

Motherfucker.

- Oh. Oh.
- You say this?

- We don't.
- Motherfucker, huh?

That's a word we don't use
in the Long household.

Yes, they are, Stephane.
That's exactly what they are.

- Motherfuckers.
- Oh.

Tres bien.

Stephane, I notice that,
uh, you're not... You don't look French.

- Dad, I don't think that's...
- Oh. No, he's fine.

My family was not
born in France,

but I live Paris, uh,
since I was three years old.

- Are you... Are wearing cologne?
- Oui, oui.

You know the saying, before sex
can happen in the pants,

it must first happen
in the nose.

In the nose. Okay.

I didn't know that. Thank you.

Uh, no. No, thank you.

This is it.
All right. Here we are.

Chez Long.

Huh?

You did not say
you live in a palace.

How many families live here?

Just us, Stephane.

Huh.

Wow.

Big wow.

Well, um,
this is your room, so...

This is all me?

Yeah. No, it's all you.

Wow. Big wow.

Yeah. Used to be, uh,
kinda my private retreat.

Where I'd get away
from it all. Uh...

It's all yours now,
so you're welcome.

These are your friends?

- My... No, no, not my friends.
- They look sad.

- Uh, they're The Smiths.
- Huh?

Great new band out of England.
Very smart, very cool...

You know, I don't like this.

I like, uh, you know, hip-hop?

Sure, yeah, okay.

Actually, I read a great
article about how rap...

♪ Don't push me

♪ 'Cause I'm close to the edge

Okay. Yeah.

♪ I'm trying
not to lose my head ♪

Yeah. No. Maybe not the vase.

Very delicate.
My nana bought me that from Venice.

- Pop that there.
- Hello.

You boys getting along?

We are meilleurs copains.

- Yeah.
- Best friends.

- Aww...
- Yeah.

- Yeah, it's going great.
- I can see that.

I brought you something.
It's called a bean bag chair.

It's full of beans, like me.

- She very funny.
- Yes. Yeah, very funny, Mom.

I'll leave you to it.

Tell you something, Tim.

This is my best life.

Lot of fun.

Lot of fun.

Well, uh, the couch folds out
into a bed,

so you can feel free to get
on that, watch some movies.

TV here is great. Records.

- Hey, Tim. Tim.
- Music. Yeah.

Soft like a woman, huh?

- Oh, yeah.
- Like this?

Comme ca? Comme ca.

- Huh?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do some of that.

- Like this? Leg up?
- Oh.

Yeah.

That's great, yeah.

Maybe like this, no hands?

Oh! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay.

- Yes.
- Yeah, up and down.

- Perfect.
- You try it now.

- No.
- Soft like woman.

Yeah. Or like a...
Lile a big old marshmallow.

Like a marshmallow.

Good.

Yeah, it's a lot of fun. Yeah.

Stephane, school is at 8:30.

I am already ready. Huh?

Already ready. Already ready.
This is fun to say, eh?

Bring the milk.
Toast on the table.

Am I crazy, or are his pants
totally diaphanous?

- Dia-what?
- They're see-through. His pants are...

- Dad.
- Hello.

Morning, boys.
Who wants French toast?

Or I guess you would just call it toast.

Mmm. Hmm.

Glenn, I would like to tell you,

you are so smart

and so success, huh.

You are, and Sheila, wow,
you are so beautiful.

- Huh.
- Oh!

- Yeah.
- Corn Flakes, please.

Hmm...

Maybe you should
change your pants,

because you can see right
through them.

- Can you really?
- Not at all.

- Whole outfit's terrific.
- Yeah, it's great.

- It's very chic.
- Very smart.

I talked Stephane
into changing his trousers,

but I couldn't change him.

I dreaded walking to school
with him that first day.

This place is like, uh...
What is that movie?

Uh, The Breakfast Club.

Trust me,
inside it's a nightmare.

What? What nightmare?

Hello, teachers.
Hello, fellow pupils.

Hello, girl with
the pink hat on.

- I love this school. I go this school now.
- Yeah.

Please stop speaking.

Boys, I don't know
what a cooch-gobbler even is...

but I'm pretty sure that.

Mrs. McConnell doesn't want it
scrawled all over her Subaru.

Stephane, Mrs. Fleming.

- Allo.
- Oh, oh.

- Uh, that's the vice principal.
- Ah.

And she also teaches French.

And she, um,
is more or less mayor.

Whoa! She very important, ah?

No. Not really.
It's just Hobart, so...

Uh, here. That's his paperwork.

I'll get out of your hair.
See you.

Boys, I'll see you at lunch.

Bye, cool guys.
I go this school now.

We're glad you're here,
Stephane.

Um...

I know you had
a bit of a rough time at home,

but you can start with a clean
slate here at Hobart High.

It's good, huh.
Hobart are number one.

Oh, go, the fighting white squirrel.

Salut.

You are a teacher here?

Oh. No. Well, not yet.

Well, I've applied to teacher's college,
and I'm still waiting to hear back.

It's kind of a long story.

Okay.

Allo.

Begin.

Oh, um...

Well, uh...

I had the best teacher in kindergarten,
Mrs. Johannson, and she was just so kind

and really like a second mom
to me in a lot of ways.

That's 'cause her
real mom left town,

and things got tough, and her dad
started hitting the sauce pretty hard,

and she was forced to move in
with her auntie across town,

which basically made her
mega-into teachers, which,

of course, is good for me.

Sorry, honey,
just saving us a lot of time.

Gary, um, this is Stephane,
he is the exchange student from France.

Sure, why wouldn't he be?
Gary Rothbauer.

Gary's a gym teacher.

Hmm.

- Gary's also the local law enforcement.
- Mmm.

Part-time.

Um, the real sheriff's
based in Wingham.

Wingham's 20 miles away,

so shit hits the fan,
I'm the first responder.

I also teach skating,
hockey, and soccer.

You play soccer here?

Does the Pope wear a dress?

He does.

Yes, he does.

Really?

Huh?

See? International.
My jokes are international.

May not look like it,
but he's one of us. Huh?

I like this guy. All right.
Listen, word to the wise.

- Oh.
- Oh.

Uh, just leave it.

You may hear
people talking about

me being the greatest hockey player
to ever come out of this town.

Played in pro-hockey, son.

Power forward, 15 games.

But the coach was an arsehole,
and who needs all the travel?

I love soccer.

I scored 20 goals in 20 games.

- Wow.
- Not bad.

Not bad at all.

If you wanna play,
practice is at 2:00.

- You can try for the team.
- Oui?

Now, I'm firm, but I'm fair,

and, uh, I don't see color.

Oh, no.

You should,
uh, go see the doctor.

- Why?
- Stephane.

- Bye-bye. See you.
- Bye.

Goodbye, queen of the office.

Sweet kid.

- Copier's out of paper.
- Sure, I'll get on that.

I had absolutely no idea
what to expect

from Stephane's first day
at Hobart High.

How he'd make out.

Who would he antagonize?
What would he hump?

But what
I didn't expect was this.

He joined more
sports teams than me, one...

And made more friends than me.

So, it was infuriating.

And I had the idea for
Star Wars way before it came out.

There was no point in pursuing.

Lose all the money
to lawyers and...

And the lion spots his prey

and moves in for the kill.

Come on, Gary, I'm tired.

Maybe we can go...

Woof yourself.

- Dick.
- I'll just wait here.

Oh, jeez.

Is that nubuck, hmm?

- No.
- Sure it is.

You gotta work with me here.

Gary, I'm dying here.

You're dying? What is this,
a shoe store or Live Aid?

I have a family to feed.

They're only $20.

Look at that.

That's not good.

I'll give you 16 because I like
you. I'm doing you a favor.

Make it 12. I'll give you 12.

And, uh,
you got any other colors?

I'm not taking the floor model.

I'll check.

Thank you, Robbie.

You drive a hard bargain.

Your dad'll be proud.

How's your day?

Pfft! Ooh la la,
it's not so easy.

Oh. Really?

- Why?
- Well, everyone wants to talk to me.

"Stephane. Come sit with me."
"Stephane, you're so cool."

Come to my house,
watch T.J. Hooker.

My head is pfft!
It's crazy, huh.

- You know this problem?
- Sure.

Real dilemma.

Is that Diane?

Bonjour, Diane.

Oh, uh... I don't speak...
Sorry.

- Um...
- Huh?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

No, no, no.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Mr. Steadman, are you alive?
He's dead.

- Are you alive. He's alive. Okay.
- Is he dead?

Can you say something, please?

Oh, my gosh, Mr. Steadman.

I'm fine.

- Thank you so much.
- Here, let me help you.

- Let me help you.
- Don't touch me.

What's going on?

Stephane here
just saved my life.

Oh, no, it's, uh, nothing.

No, you did. Thank you.

Nine and a half.

That night my parents wanted
to reward Stephane for his heroism

by showing him
the best of Canadian cuisine.

- It's so good.
- So, we went for a Chinese meal.

In France, this meal
costs one millions dollar.

- Canada, too.
- Oh.

Hey, there he is.

Herb DeVries.

Stephane Belmadi.

Is that right?

How do you pronounce that?

Stephane Bermady.

No.

So, uh, I heard you saved poor
little Diane Dearling's life today.

Oh, no, no, no. It's nothing.

Bonjour, hero of the hour.

Bonjour. Enchante...

Sheila,
can I bend your ear for a sec?

Hello, anybody notice
we're eating here?

You know, I've made a lot of progress
with our retro-vintage theme.

Kev, you know,
I love it when you think big.

I just think that, you know, we need a
theme that's a little closer to home.

- Okay.
- Sorry. Not to hurt your feelings.

- No. I can respect that.
- I'm sorry.

Lightbulb alert. Stephane.

Our theme is Stephane.

Wait. You want the theme of the
parade to be Stephane?

He's been here three days.

Lorna, come over
and hear Kev's new plan.

Well, not Stephane,
but Stephane.

- Mmm-hmm?
- Mmm.

- Who he is. What he represents.
- Yeah.

- Hobart welcomes the world.
- Yeah.

International friendship!

Yeah, that could work.

- Eggrolls for everyone.
- Whoo!

- Oh!
- Yeah!

- Thanks, Glenn.
- Thank you.

You know
who should join you? Dr. Moe.

- Dr. Moe, the town dentist.
- Mmm-hmm.

Moe!

Moe!

Moe, look!

- Huh?
- Huh?

Where are you from, again?

- Ottawa.
- No, he means where you're from-from?

I was born in Egypt, but moved
when I was an infant.

That's great.

Stephane, you can be France
and Dr. Moe can be... Africa.

No fucking way.

Can you go talk to him
because...

I need both of you and he gets a
little moody and won't listen to me.

Hey! I can still hear you.

He can still hear us
so just nod.

Jesus! This fucking town.

That was great, eh?

Oh, careful, honey.

Do you know the English word,
grapefruit, huh?

In French we have a word,
we call it a pamplemousse.

Pamplemousse is a funny word, huh?

Tim, I know he isn't,
uh, what you expected.

Yeah. Understatement.

Give it time. You know,
relationships can be tricky.

I understand that.

It's like a garden,
with attention and cultivation,

good things can grow.

We only got six egg rolls,

- but you're charging us for eight.
- But if you look...

Glenn.

You see, you have extra.

So, this is, uh,
your favorite movie?

Oh, one of them. Yeah.

Yeah. Plus, it's French.

- So, you know...
- I see that.

- We don't have to watch it.
- No, it's, uh... It's fine.

Maybe, uh,
we just sit and talk, huh?

One to other, asking questions.

- Yeah. Okay. Sure.
- Mmm.

Um, okay, well...

Tell me about Paris.
What's it like?

Old. How many times
you make the fuck, Tim?

- What?
- Two times? Three times?

Five times? Twenty-five times,
you dirty boy, huh?

- Busy boy.
- Please!

Can you tell me
anything about Paris?

Just tell me about the Louvre,
the Champs-Elysees, anything.

That is tourist Paris.

It's, uh, not my Paris.

My Paris is not so great.

Oh.

So, uh, tomorrow we meet
your friends, huh?

Yeah. Yeah, maybe.
I don't know, we'll see.

Maybe we'll watch
a different movie.

- Sure. Okay.
- Oui.

Let's do that. Yeah. Okay.

Oh.

If it's French, I warn you,
I've probably already seen it.

It is French.

Oh.

Uh...

You travel with your own porn?

Yes, and, uh, toothpaste.

It's good, huh?

- I think I'm gonna go to bed.
- Why?

Why? You don't like this movie?

No. I just, uh...

I don't think that would
happen in a courthouse.

That was a fun night, huh?

Gosh, I thought
that was such a great idea

about involving Stephane
in the parade.

Mmm-hmm.

- Glenn.
- Yeah.

- Glenn?
- Yeah.

Kev's idea,

"Hobart welcomes the world."
It's not bad, huh?

Yeah, yeah. Sure.

- Glenn...
- Yeah.

It'll cost, though.

You know, we might need some
more money from the community.

I'm not... I don't know how
to ask people right now.

I just think the times are...
What? What?

- Is there moisturizer on my lips?
- No. No.

Your eyes look...
Really pretty right now.

Oh. That's nice.

No, no. Keep them on.

That's it. Oh, even prettier.

Thanks. Anyway...

Long Tractor really is one of
the very few thriving bits.

Yeah! Oh...

Sorry about my...

- Jeez, Glenn! Gosh!
- Sheila, come on.

- No, Glenn.
- It's game 7.

It's... Sheila!

Hey, how's it going?

Fuck off.

Tim Long!

Tim!

Tim Long.

Tim. Tim. Tim.

Your friend
seems to be catching on.

He's not my friend.

He's more of a cruel joke
I played on myself.

Well, he's no Dale Hawerchuk.

Sure.

That's my brother's
favorite hockey player.

Not mine, though.

Okay. You got it.

If you asked me
my favorite hockey player,

I definitely wouldn't say
Dale Hawerchuk.

So, who's your favorite
hockey player, Brenda?

Oh...

I guess I don't really have one.

This rink is cold.

- I'm sorry I make you fall.
- I'm so sorry.

It felt like I was
the only person in Hobart

who hadn't fallen in love
with Stephane.

It's pamplemousse.

It's a fun word to say.

Made every female swoon.

He inspired a freaking parade.

Aw...

You've got to be
fucking kidding me.

I'm not wearing this. Uh-uh.

And he was the star of the
best team Hobart had seen in years.

With a real shot at beating
our arch rival, Wingham.

No showboating.

Ooh la la,
Stephane! Ooh la la, Stephane!

Hobart Squirrels are number one!

Get him the
ball and watch him go!

Seven, huh? I love Hobart.

But one thing Stephane couldn't
do was save my dad's failing business.

Sales are down this month.
We got to work on our technique.

All right, Todd, let's try one out.
You be the customer.

Hello, sir,
I'm interested in the 1160...

Combine, but I'm not yet ready
to pull the trigger.

Mmm-hmm. Okay, Geoff, you see how
he uses his hands when he's talking?

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- No. No.

It's not wrong or right.

It is just, uh,
a trait for me to mirror,

when we're talking.
That way you'll trust me.

And we'll establish rapport.

Oh, here comes Ivan.

Good news is he bringing today?
Jesus, fuck.

Watch and learn, boys.
Watch and learn.

Ivan.

What can I do you for?

Need to bring it back, Glenn.
Things are really bad.

Uh-huh.

Okay. I hear you.
I hear you, buddy.

I think if you take a look at
our re-financing plans,

you really don't want to make the
decision until such time as, uh...

I'll start the paperwork.

How's the wife?

Not good, Glenn. Not good.

Excellent. Excellente.

That was amazing, Tim Long.

You took that acetic acid. You sized it
up and then titrated the shit out of it.

Uh, Tim. Tim, Tim.

Drive us to Mary's house, huh?
She wants to make out.

Uh, no can do. Sorry.

Uh, because I promised
I'd give Brenda a ride home.

I live right next to Brenda.

Amazing. We all go together.

- Formidable. Let's go.
- Formidable.

Come on.

It's getting pretty snowy.

It's just flurries.

♪ Flurries...

♪ You got me in a hurry

♪ Just to shovel my driveway

♪ Squalls, I like you
best of all ♪

Hey, do you mind if we're quiet?

I'm an anxious driver.

You got it.

Tim, pull over, eh?

Uh, no. No, it's fine.
We keep going.

Jesus Christ!

Tim, she likes you, huh.
Make with her.

Uh...

Did you learn to whisper
in a helicopter?

Uh...

- Do you want to...
- Yes.

Uh, play a word game?

Um...

I'll say the name of a place and then
you can say another name of a place

that begins with the last
letter of the place I said.

- I'll start with Canada.
- Okay.

Arkansas. Guys, do you
want to play? We're on "S."

Sault Ste. Marie.

That's a great one.

My cousin plays junior
hockey there.

They must be good.

They're amazing.

- Tim, just do it. The time is now.
- No.

- The time is now!
- Okay.

I'll tell you what?
I'll just get out.

No.

Ah... Ah... Oh...

Oh, it's snowing, it seems, huh?

That was crazy, Tim Long.

What letter are we on?

After that, it became clear

the person I had hoped
would be my salvation,

my brother-in-arms, mon camarade,
made me feel lonelier than ever.

So, while Stephane cut a swath
through Hobart's female population,

I had never felt
like more of an outsider.

Hobart's very own I'etranger.

Hey, Stephane.

Glenn.

You must tell Sheila
your troubles, huh?

What troubles?

Oh, God. You're right.

I just don't want to worry her.

You worry her now.
Remember, Glenn,

honest, lead to close.
And close, lead to sexy.

You're a wise man, Stephane.

Hash browns?

Not so wise for Tim, I think.

- He hate me.
- No, no, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Maybe.

Oh, yeah, no,
I'm pretty sure he does.

The thing about Tim is, and I say
this both as a father and a salesman.

You can't coax him to do things.
He's got to be forced.

You got to drag him to yes.

You'll thank me later.

Tim. Tim.

- Wake up. We must go. Allez.
- What? What?

Where are the keys to the car?

Stephane, what's going on?

Did you get in trouble?

Did you get a girl pregnant?
Did you get a bunch of girls pregnant?

Do you have AIDS?

Oh, I saw... Are you driving
with your knees?

Tim, chill out.

- "Chill out."
- You have to trust me, Tim.

What? How the hell
did you get your license?

- I don't have license.
- You don't have a license?

I'm not stupid.
That's why we take the back roads.

Okay, stop the car right now.

Pull over, and you have to tell
me where we are going.

Okay, okay,
we are going to McDonalds.

- To McDonalds?
- Why? I know you love McDonalds.

And it's only three hours away.
I look at the map.

- Stop the car.
- Burgers for breakfast, Tim.

- It is like dream come true for you.
- I don't care, stop the car.

Okay, so that's not my fault.

You said stop, so I
stopped, so we stop.

Oh, my... Get out.

- What?
- Get out. Get out of the car.

- Why?
- Because I'm driving us home.

Okay, fine.

Don't yell at me, huh.

Whoa, whoa.

Shit.

Tim, I feel like I have done
things to make you not like me.

Oh, what do you think?

If you tell me the things,
I will not do them again.

Okay, you know, why don't we
start with the drinking,

the smoking,
the sex in the backseat,

the porn and all that constant...

What was that?

I think you hit something.

- Shit, shit, shit.
- Oh...

- Oh, my God.
- I think you kill him.

- Her.
- It's a girl?

Yeah, it's a cow.

Of course it's a girl.

Oh.

You're angry, aren't you, huh?

- Did not like to kill the cow?
- No.

I... I don't enjoy killing cows.

But you, uh, eat McDonalds.

That's not the same.

And you wear the shoes of
leather sometimes.

Okay, stop.
Stop. Please stop talking.

We're in a world of shit here.

God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Fuck.

Tim, you break your mom's car.

You know what?

Before you came here, my life was
already a steaming pile of shit.

But since you've been here,
you've put so much shit

on top of this shit
that was already there,

I can't even see where
the original shit was.

Hey, can you look at me
when I'm talking to you?

It's my fault.

I don't what
kind of fucking asshole

writes to another country
to get a friend.

- Tim, Tim.
- You've taken a dump on my soul.

- Tim.
- What?

I don't know what to say.

So I will just say this.

He is alive.

What?

The Jesus cow, huh?

He rise from the dead.

She.

She, uh...
She rise from the dead.

Oui.

Oh, my God.

I mean, she looks okay.
We must have just stunned her.

Just fantastique, huh?
Look at her go.

You know what, Tim?

Things, they work out.

I've got something here.

- Oh...
- Here we go.

Come on, come on.

To the Jesus cow.

To the Jesus cow.

Go on.

I don't know how many friendships
begin by almost killing a cow,

but for Stephane and me,

it seemed to work.

Hey, Tim.

We share happy time now.

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah.

Just don't say it.

It's weird.

♪ There's this girl
that's been on my mind

♪ All the time

♪ Su-Sussudio

Drive with your knees.

Okay, come on.

♪ Now she don't even
know my name

♪ But I think she likes me
just the same ♪

And as we danced in our
seats to mindless synth pop,

we realized we couldn't take
the car home just yet.

Not with a cow-sized dent in it.

Thankfully Stephane came up with
a very plausible cover story.

So, we look out the window and we
see the thief getting in the car.

So, Tim, you know, Tim,
he run out and he says, "Stop, arret."

"This is the car of my mother that
she want to go get the groceries"

"and to visit
various locations."

Mmm-hmm.

That's a direct quote.

Tim said that?

He's a hero, Glenn.

He did it.

♪ Now I know
that I'm too young ♪

I didn't have any money
to pay for the repairs

but Stephane helped me
pay back the Crowfoots

in other, more creative ways.

Oh, tres bien.

One day you speak the French
as good as me.

Well, you know, I could lend you
some French films if you'd like.

Bande a part. A bout de souffle.

Unless you've already seen them.

The French new wave.

Talk about pretentious.

Who said that?

Well, I think it was Brenda.

- Oh, that Brenda.
- Okay, listen.

Le cercle rouge is
so not pretentious.

I'm gonna lend it you
and you're gonna watch it.

Okay, sir Tim Long.

I was beginning to feel
something bizarre

and completely alien to me.

Happiness.

Tim, he is so clever, huh.

He knows everything
about the music.

And books.

Yeah?

I do.

Sometimes
I'll be reading a book,

laying back, reading a book,

and then
I'll just be rocking out.

I would be reading, rocking,

I'll be rocking and reading.

Reading about rocking, back and forth.

I dig it. Yeah, yeah.

He kill me, Tim.

Tim, he kill me,
he kill everyone here.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.

I'm like the Upper Canada
Rebellion of 1838.

Oh, 'cause that killed
several people.

Lots, yeah,
killed lots of people.

Hanged. They were all hanged.

That's funny.

Very funny.

Glenn!

Glenn, she's back!

♪ I just say the word ♪

She came back.

Hello, I am Stephane Belmadi.

I, uh... I love to fuck the
women, I like to do the dance,

I like to fuck the mail box,

the toaster.

I love the cigarette.

I don't do any of that.

I would not fuck a toaster.

I think you would.

Stop, stop. Get out of here.

My turn.

This is what Tim says.

He says, uh...

Howdy, I'm Tim.

- I like to fuck the book...
- No, no, no...

- No, no, no, no.
- Fuck the book...

That's a library copy.

And I don't fuck Camus, so...

But seriously, Tim.

Why? Why?
Why, you not like the girl, huh?

What?

I love the girl.

You know how much
I love the girl.

No, I do like the girl, a lot.
I just don't...

I... I think I just prefer
not to talk to them

or... Or bother them

or touch... Or touch them.

Are you gay, huh?

- You like the boy?
- Mmm-mmm.

- No, it's okay, you like the boys.
- No, no, no.

No, I like girls a lot.
I just, um...

I just don't see
why they would like me.

What? Why?

You've good face, very clean.

You, uh,

- have a nice penis, huh?
- Mmm.

I see it in the bathroom, Tim.

Huh? Wow.

Thank you?

This Brenda...

- She like you, I think.
- Oh, you know, I think...

I mean, I like her, too.
She's really pretty and...

I... I... What do I do?

- How do I...
- Huh? You tell her. Easy.

What, do you want me
to go up and say,

"Hey, Brenda, I'm super
into you and I like your..."

"Your stupid songs
and your weird hair."

"And if you ask me
to touch your boobs,"

"I would probably say yes."

"And, hey, well, see you later.
See you in history."

"I think we're learning
about Sir Wilfrid Laurier."

It's perfect.

You say just that.

And I like that little crinkle
between your eyes when you smile.

And I like that your skin smells
like a Crispy Crunch bar.

And when I see you
I just wanna...

What do you wanna do, Tim?

What, we are going?

Oh, fuck.

Uh, Tim, I hope you are okay.

It's important
to drink the water.

You drink the water,
you not get sick.

- Okay.
- This way.

- This way, this way.
- Okay.

Oh, my...

Voila!

Happy Birthday, Sheila.

- Tim, ooh la la.
- Oui, oui.

Thank you so much boys. J'adore.

Happy Birthday, Sheila.

Mmm.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Wow, okay.

Fifty-four dollars.

Maybe I'll go to the dollar
store and buy 54 things.

And remember to support

the White Squirrel this afternoon.
It's a big game against Wingham.

Go, White Squirrels!

Hey, hey, good luck
with the big game.

Huh? And good luck
with your, uh...

Yep, my, uh... My French presentation
in front of the entire class.

Exactement.
I predict you make a big wow.

Well, score
a sport point for me.

While Stephane was getting ready
for the biggest game of the year,

not everybody was rooting
for him to be the hero.

Dude can't take a fucking joke.

Let's go, White Squirrels!
Come on!

Let's go, White Squirrels.

Come on, Stephane.

What are you doing there?

Use the wing.

Give it to the wing.

Come on.

Way to go, brown clown.

Yeah, brown clown, way to go.

All right.

Hey.

Hey, that's a foul.

- Move it, move it.
- Watch your feet, brown clown.

Uh, I'm sorry,
I'm really nervous.

It's okay, it's okay.

You know what, you can do your
presentation in English.

The film is in French.

Okay. Thank you.

Um...

Now you'll immediately see
the director uses

costuming and lighting
to convey mood.

And, um, we open on a
protagonist, who's a thief.

A con, a cheat.

A cock smoker.

And he's...

I love the girl.

You know how much
I love the girl.

Oh, shit.

Watch your feet,
brown fucking clown.

Oh!

No, I like girls a lot.
I just don't...

"I like girls." What a freak.

Tim wants to get on
Brenda Crowfoot!

Loser.

I think that I would
probably say yes.

Stop it.

This is the greatest thing ever.

Come on. Come on.

Damn it!

Well, son, I'm not one
to point fingers,

never have been, not my nature.

But, uh, you just fucked
the entire town.

It's not my fault.

Not your fault?
Well, whose fault is it?

Uh, Colonel Gadhafi, hmm?

You're a disgrace, son.

You're disgrace
to the White Squirrel.

There, I said it!
Okay? I said it.

Fuck you

and fuck your White Squirrel.

And fuck this
piece of shit town!

- Shame on you!
- I'll be okay. Huh?

Enough!

Me? You saw what he did. This...

It's not how we do things
in Hobart.

Oh, yeah. No.
We just victimize teenage boys

because we're scared and jealous
that they're not like us.

Sure.

You know what? I don't think I can
be with a man that I don't respect.

We need to take a break.

I'll pick up my stuff
on the weekend.

What? Hmm?

Nothing.

You wanna give me 20?

- No.
- Twenty laps?

High stepping. Let's go.

- High stepping. Let's go!
- I'm sorry. Ow!

Come on, let's go.

I guess you got to finally
see the real Hobart.

I do not believe this.

They say Canada is just
the ugly friend of the USA.

But I loved this ugly friend.

Yeah, I know.

They can only fool you
for so long.

Yeah, I don't understand.

Hey, Brenda, you're gonna go
make out with Tim Long?

What?

No. I have Cape Breton
step dancing.

I'm nice to them. I say nice...

Hey, Brenda, Tim Long
is waiting for you.

- He's just dying to see you.
- And your boobs.

Like I said, I have
Cape Breton step dance

on a Wednesday, so...

Why is everyone asking me
about Tim Long?

You total dick!

- Tim.
- Was that supposed to be funny?

You swapped that stupid video
we made for Le Cercle Rouge.

- That was my presentation!
- No.

No, you told me that you wanted
to show the movie to Brenda.

- What?
- Come on, Long.

She's right there, hump it out.

No, I sw... I switched
the movie to push you, huh,

because I want Brenda to see
how much you like her.

Okay, what movie?

Stephane swapped Le Cercle Rouge
for this stupid video we took,

and the whole class saw me say
how much I like your hair

and your stupid songs and
how much I want to kiss you.

You did?

Tim, I was trying to be
a good friend.

You humiliated me.

You made me look like
an idiot. You ruined my life.

You're no friend of mine.

No, of course,
because you have no friends,

not me, not anyone.

You know, what they're
saying about you is true.

You're a no-friend loser.

You're a self-centered,
narcissistic, sex crazed,

- thoroughly absurd...
- What?

Okay, so you like my hair?

No, I don't like your hair.

I... I... I was drunk.

And he made me say things
I don't mean to say.

I don't like your hair
or your stupid songs or you!

I don't like you!

Brenda.

Shit.

You know, I wish
I not choose you,

huh, or this bucket
of shit place.

Yeah, well, I wish that, too.

Va te faire foutre!

Please, somebody!

Mom! Mom!

Where are the Doritos?
And where's Mom?

"Dearest Tim, I've decided to
move out of the house for a..."

- What?
- It gets worse.

Well, maybe not worse,
but it starts bad, stays bad.

Your dad is a wonderful man,

but it's been clear
for some time

that my life is missing
a certain je ne sais quoi.

"Je ne sais quoi"?

Yeah, je ne sais quoi.

God, fucking Stephane.

Language.

I... I couldn't believe I'd
invited this chaos into my life.

You can come stay with us
for as long as you need.

Thank you.

It wasn't just me
shunning Stephane.

The school had turned
on him, too.

He'd lost us a soccer match and
called our town a piece of shit.

Which it might have been,

but they didn't like hearing
it from someone like him.

If they were looking for a reason
to turn on a stranger in their town,

they'd found one.

Looks good.

Ah...

- Hi.
- How are you?

Yeah, I'm good.

Sit down, let's chat.

Uh, how's Aunt Thelma?

She snores. One night,
at 4:00 in the morning, she...

I can't believe Stephane
made you leave.

What?

I mean, you know I'm agnostic,

but I think he might
literally be a demon.

Tim! Things have not been great

between your dad and I
for a very long time.

Okay? Stephane is not to
blame and neither are you.

Yeah. Nobody's blaming me.

I'm... I'm great.

Yeah, you're great.
You're great.

- Come here.
- Who would blame me?

Come here.
Nobody is blaming you.

- Sheila?
- Mmm, just a sec.

Sheila?

Love you so much.

Oh. Hey.

Is that Kevin?

- Yeah, it's Kevin. Yeah, he looks pissed.
- Just 10 seconds. Please.

Sheila!

This better not be about
the fucking acorn, okay?

- It's not about the acorn.
- Okay.

You're gonna be at the parade
tomorrow, right? Okay?

Try to remember that most
people are not really bad

and not really stupid, okay?

They're just doing the best
that they can.

- Yes, Kevin.
- It's about the acorn.

I knew it was about
the fucking acorn.

The town, the squirrel
and my life.

What...

Putain, merde, shit!

You know why I come here?

I thought it would
be different, huh.

Where I'm from,
the kids who look like me,

they only hang out with
people who look like me.

In Hobart,

it's the same,

maybe because Hobart is shit.

Huh. Canada is shit!

They'll always find a way
to screw you.

- I... I need to go clear my head.
- Here, take the truck.

Thank you, Crowfeet.

The next morning, as everyone
was getting ready for the parade,

all I could think about
was where Stephane was,

and who else's life
he might be ruining.

Whoa.

Okay, we, uh... We gotta...

- We gotta stay calm.
- Why?

It's not fair!

Kev, it's gonna be okay.
Maybe we can fix it.

It won't be the same!
They ruined her!

"Her"?

Who could do such a thing?

I'll give you three guesses.

Stephane?

He's not that kind of kid.

Mmm.

- Is he?
- Well, you tell me.

There's the head butt, huh?

There's the, uh...

"Fuck
the White Squirrel," right?

Plus, I saw him hanging
around the town hall at 3:00 this morning.

So you think Stephane did this?

What I think is
we don't know shit, son.

Of course we won't know anything

until we get
the autopsy results back.

Appears to be
a single assailant.

Subcutaneous abrasions
along the right femur there.

It looks like there's some
flesh underneath the claws,

which means the victim
did fight back.

Tell me she didn't suffer.

Oh, Kevin,
I would love to be able to tell you that,

but I'm not a liar.

We don't know anything
about this guy.

I heard his old man
did some jail time.

Well, that's true.
It's in his file.

I read the file too, Gary.

His dad was arrested
during labor protest.

- He was the head of the union.
- Mmm-hmm.

Take this down to the lab. Have the
boys check it for blood, urine, semen.

- Yes, sir.
- My point exactly.

Troublemaker, born and bred.

The apple never falls
far from the tree.

Okay.
Maybe he came here for a fresh start.

Fresh start? The only thing he
got fresh with is Herb's daughter.

Yeah... What?

Fresh with your daughter.

Did you have a hand in this?

What? No, no, no, no,
I haven't...

He's not staying...
He's staying with the Crowfoots.

Right. Shooting off guns.

He hit my car last night.

Maybe he was aiming
at my gas tank.

Ka-boom!

Make my wife a widow.

All right, why don't you quit
crying into your Dinky Donuts

and bring him in, hmm?

Sure thing, Gary.

Yeah, there is no way.
There's no freaking way.

I know he hated
the White Squirrel, but...

Yeah, I know, but he was
with you last night, right?

Sure, until he took
my brother's truck

and drove off into
the direction of the town.

Super furious. And then,

he came back
this morning looking...

Mega-guilty.

But still,
there's no freaking way.

Okay, look, I need you
to do something for me.

No, I am not doing
anything for you.

That tractor has sailed.

Okay. Would you do it
for Stephane?

Stephane was many things...

Oversexed,
intellectually bereft,

permanently erect.

But I knew he wasn't a liar
or a criminal.

And I had to make the town
see that, too.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Brenda.

That is crazy. That is so weird.

Tim Long? What are
the chances of that?

One in a million, maybe.

I don't know how he got here.
That's too weird.

I just can't believe it.

I... I never knew
this could never happen.

It's the weirdest thing.

What do you want, Tim?

Listen, you're in big trouble. Okay?
Because they think you did that.

Just like Paris.

Something go wrong,
blame Stephane.

The squirrel get broken,
you blame Stephane.

Money go missing,
you blame Stephane.

Substitute teacher
gets pregnant,

blame Stephane.

What?

Fuck. Shit.

- Okay, come on.
- Why?

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Okay. Put these on.

Please, it's your turn
to trust me.

I can't see shit.
Which way are we going?

If you're gonna let
your kids come to the parade,

you can't let 'em play
with the beaver tails, okay?

They play
with their bottoms all day,

next thing you know,
there's baby shit in the beaver.

That's why you don't adopt.

I went to the Crowfoots',
and he was already gone.

Damn it, Herb.
You had one job to do.

- I'm sorry, Gary.
- Mmm-hmm.

I saw their truck
on the edge of town.

He might be here somewhere.

No shit. He's probably trying
to finish what he started.

He only wants to ruin
our whole damn parade.

- He wouldn't.
- He wouldn't?

Oh, he hates this town,
and everything we stand for, Herb.

Peace, freedom,
more traditional way of life.

- Hi, Gary.
- Kev.

Now, listen, I want you to do

a thorough sweep of the
entire parade route, okay?

And you let me know when you
have eyes on that son of a bitch.

Yes, sir.

Tim! Tim! Tim!
Where are we going?

What's the plan, Tim?

People will hear the accent!

I don't have accent,
you have accent!

Hey, guys, I actually
can't see anything, so...

SOS!

Tim, Brenda is falling.

Oh, fuck!

Let me help you up.
Give me your hand.

Hey, that Mexican fuck
is actually that Arab fuck!

No, no, no. I am a Mexican.

Uh, por favor!

Hey, it's him!

That's him!

That's the perp!

Fuck.

Fuck! Fuck!

Get out of my way.
Get out of my way.

Right then, I knew I had
to stand up for Stephane,

and make the town see
what I saw in him,

because that's what friends do
for each other.

Stop the parade! Stop.

Stop the parade.

What are we dancing for?
I didn't know there was gonna be a dance.

Stop.

This is fun, but who is that?

What do you think
I'm doing? Stop.

I'm not dancing.
Stop the parade.

Stop the...

Stop the friggin' parade.

What are you doing, Long?

Hey, Gary.

Look what the cat dragged in.

No, no, no. Let him go, please.

Let him go. Please, let him go.

- You're ruining my parade.
- Just hold on.

Uh...

Okay.

Okay.

Now I know I've never been the
most popular kid in school...

No shit!

Okay.

Uh, and I know a lot of you
probably think I'm some...

You're a creep!

- Nerd.
- That's right.

Go make another tape,
you pervert.

Go bang Brenda.

Everyone hates you.

Okay.

Well, uh, I just want
to say that Stephane...

Stephane Belmade is my friend,
and he's a really great guy.

Okay, come on.

And I know he would never
do that to the squirrel.

But how do you know, Tim?

Yeah!

Because... Because I just know.

I just know.

And if you're not willing
to give a visitor to our town

the benefit of the doubt,

then I'm not sure I have
anything left to say to you.

Okey-doke.

Wait, no, wait.
Can you stop, please?

It's a figure of speech.
I have a little bit more to say.

Stephane Belmade has done
so much for so many of us.

Yeah.

You know, he came here and he was
ready to see the best in all of us,

but we chose to see
the worst in him

because of what,
because of the way he looks.

But, look, it's not too late.

We can launch a full-scale
investigation, we could...

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
we know what he did.

- Yeah.
- Okay?

I saw him break into town hall
yelling, "Fuck ze White Squirrel!"

- Okay.
- "Fuck it. Fuck it hard!"

Okay, that can't be true.
Stephane, where were you last night?

Yeah.

Tell us.

I cannot say
where I was. Desole.

Herb, take him away.

- Wait.
- Yes, sir.

- No, no, no.
- Wait!

Glenn?

Stephane was with me.

- Come on.
- What?

And thank
friggin' Christ he was.

Where to begin? Uh...

Seven years ago,

the Canadian government made a series
of disastrous economic decisions...

Dad!

Maybe... Maybe start
nearer the end.

Smart boy. I just wanted
to give them a bit of context,

put a backstory there, but,
uh...

Hello? Um...

Like a lot of youse,

I've got a business
that's going under.

Last night, I was desperate,
on the verge of losing everything.

Hey!

Glenn, what are you doing, huh?

Stephane threw me in a chair,

made me some coffee and
talked some sense into me.

"Glenn,
you get caught, you go to jail!"

"You cannot do that to Tim and to Sheila.
They love you so much."

Uh, I can't really
do the accent that good.

Anyways, he sat with me
all night.

He didn't leave my side, did you,
my little French buddy?

Mr. Long's telling the truth!

There's a bonfire in there!

Hold on a moment.

You couldn't have seen Stephane.

So, where did you spend
last night, Gary?

Me?

Fuck.

Uh...

I was with Diane.

Of course, we were, uh...

Engaging in...

Rather heavy petting,

that led to full-blown,
penetrative intercourse.

Are you insane?

I am right here,
and that didn't happen.

Could have happened.

Hey!

Don't let him get away!

Oh!

I'm sure you can guess who
actually did destroy the squirrel.

By dinner time, everyone just
forgot their race-based witch-hunt,

their xenophobic rush
to judgment,

their ethnically-motivated
vigilantism...

You get the point.

Tim Long, you stand up for me.

In front of the whole town.

These people, they hate you.

No, I...

I wouldn't say "Hate."

Oui. Oui, oui.

They said terrible things
about you.

"Tim Long is a bookworm."
"Tim Long is a loser."

"Tim Long is needle-dicked,
four-eyes shit boy."

I actually haven't heard
that one.

Terrible things.
Me, I don't say these things

- because...
- Who said "Shit boy?"

Well, once, because we are
meilleurs copains.

Meilleurs copains.

I guess we are.

Oh, God. Okay. I've gotta...

I gotta do something.

Bonne chance.

Go get her, Tim Long.

Why didn't you tell me about the
business going in the crapper?

'Cause I'm an idiot.

We might have to sell the house.

Mmm.

We've rented before.

Maybe your mom will die soon too.
She's got cash, right?

We'll figure it out.

We always do.

We still got
what's most important.

You're... You're talking about
us being together, right?

- Yes, Glenn.
- Yeah.

Well, maybe we should tell Tim
that we've patched things up.

Oh, I mean...

We've started the difficult
and painful journey

towards patching things up.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Good.

Hello, Tim Long.

I thought what you did
today was not un-heroic,

and maybe...

I... I... I'm really
sorry, Brenda.

I... I do like your hair,
and your crazy songs, and I...

Hi.

Don't let us stop you.

They were watching
the whole time?

It's a good technique, huh?

Not bad.

I can... I can feel
you looking. Please stop.

I don't know...
I don't know why you're staring.

We're very proud of you.

All right.

All right.

- "All right" what?
- Just hold still.

Okay.

The rest of Stephane's stay
with us was, well, kind of terrific.

Some of the best times
I've ever had.

You know, if you look closely,

you can see the framing's really been
influenced by Godard and Truffaut...

I made a mistake. Okay?

So, you haul me in.

If the coach hadn't dropped
me for the play-offs,

you wouldn't be staring
at me right here,

broken, humiliated, soiled.

But like all of life's
loveliest things,

it was over way too soon.

Oh, I'm so sorry we weren't up

to your high standards,
Jean-Claude...

Terrible cuisine, terrible
town, terrible country.

Screw you!

Let's go.

Hey, look.

It's the Hobart posse, huh?

Hey!

There you are.

We came to say goodbye.

And we're sorry.

We drew certain conclusions

based on you being different.

And that's wrong.

In Hobart, we pride ourselves

in treating everyone equally,

regardless of race.

Oh, you're being serious.

What we mean is, uh,

we were wrong.

I will miss this Hobart.

I want to make love
on all of you.

Thank you.

Ladies and
gentlemen, this is the last call

for flight number 827 to Paris.

We're gonna miss you, buddy.

Bonne chance,
my brown-skinned friend.

We are meilleurs copains.

Best friends.

I'll go now.

Yeah.

I'll write to you.

I'll write to you, Tim Long.

And I'll use the big words
you teach me.

Diaphanous.

Stephane might not
have been what I wanted,

but it turned out
he was what I needed.

And I think he needed me too.

He might not have
enlightened me on Truffaut

- or how to conjugate a verb...
- Hey.

But he taught me things
I'll never forget.

About love,

life,

second chances...

- Bye, Stephane.
- Bye, Tim Long.

And how to undo
a bra with one hand.

Sexy nerd couple.

Tim Long,
are you wearing cologne?

Yeah. Yeah, well,
you know what they say.

"Before sex happens in the
pants, it happens in the nose."

Oh.

As I waved goodbye,

I didn't know whether
it was au revoir or adieu.

But I did know that
Stephane had changed my life...

Forever.

Bonjour! We made it to Paris,

my dream city, the heart of all
culture and all that is good.

We made it. We made it.

Tim, look.

I made the Eiffel Tower my cock.

I know.

Hey, Tim, you come
jerk me off, huh?

It'd be funny. You jerk me off.

Okay. When in Paris.

Yeah.

Oh, oh!

Okay.

Tim, you're next!

- Okay.
- You're next!

♪ Tim is in Paris

♪ Hip-hop is cool

♪ This is very fun ♪

Whoo!

Oh, whoa. Freeze it.

Come on, Tim.

"Shit boy."

"Shit boy," huh?

Hold it.

Tell me you're getting this.
This is an incredible and classic Maillol.

You got the brave use of colors
and the bold brushstrokes,

and, of course, it's Dina, his muse.
He painted a lot of her.

I mean, this is...

This is unbelievable. Really?

Tim, I tell you,
this is the real masterpiece.

How can I ask for
a non-alcoholic drink?

Ah.

Okay.

Uh, excuse me.

What the fuck is this?

I did not do anything.

Burgers for breakfast,
here in Paris.

It's pretty good.

Pretty good.

Cheers.