Original subtitles

I never had a comfortable dating life prior to being Nikita

because I never felt like it was truly me.

I was okay with being the secret.

I thought, as a trans woman, I would never have a relationship.

I'm, like, gonna start crying.

No. Stop.

♪♪♪

Today I'm talking to an incredible friend

who preaches keeping it real,

a makeup artist, YouTuber, and absolute goddess.

She's constantly inspiring me to live my truth

and it's okay to be a little extra along the way.

I'm so excited to welcome Nikita Dragun.

- Hi. - Hi.

Thank you so much for coming on here.

- Thank you for having me. - Yeah.

This is crazy in your little magical world,

but I wouldn't expect anything else.

Tell us about yourself.

I don't even know where to begin.

You know, I was just a little humble boy from Virginia

with big girl dreams.

For, obviously, anyone who doesn't know, I transitioned a couple years ago,

and I didn't know that I would have to, you know, confront my gender identity

and kind of deal with this crazy world.

Well, I came across your page last year.

Why did you start in makeup?

I just never saw myself reflected-- I think that was the biggest thing--

in the beauty ads or the campaigns or anything.

On YouTube I would show how I was covering my beard

- or my five o'clock shadow-- - Mm.

...or how I was kind of making my face appear more feminine.

And so I think makeup was the thing that I could use.

Like, it was always, like, my weapon,

and I always had such a wild imagination.

That's how I got into social media

was 'cause I would share my makeup looks

and I would you know, show myself transforming

from basically a boy into a woman.

I just love that you used makeup

to literally highlight your expressiveness and your creativity.

- Yeah, absolutely. - And I think that's beautiful.

The makeup is so much more than just the artistry for me.

It's all about, like, why I've always been able to see the woman--

- Hmm. - ...that I've always wanted to be.

I love that you saw a gap and you said, "I need representation,

so I'm not gonna wait around to get it.

I'm going to create it."

And that brings me to another question.

You get a lot of hate for not subscribing to society's gender norms.

How do you respond?

Obviously, going through my trans journey,

I really wanted to gravitate towards "How can I be

the most, woman, woman, woman, feminine--"

- Right. - "...thing ever

so that, when any guy or any person looks at me,

- they think woman without a doubt?" - Mm.

So I was gravitating towards this, like, hyper-feminized

almost, like, character in my mind of, like, tits out, ass,

be weaker than a man,

and I need to fit into this stereotype

because I wouldn't even want any traits that were masculine.

But I think it's such a tough thing

'cause I think it was so taught to us a certain way

that, when you kind of go out there in the real world,

the textbook definition is not really what--especially in this new age--

is even relevant anymore.

And I think, after, you know, the couple of years I've been as Nikita,

I've realized that, in a weird way, that is so limiting

and totally against everything it means to be a woman.

- Mm-hmm. - In a crazy way.

Yeah, absolutely.

That was some of the ways that your dating life

has changed since you've transitioned?

I never had a comfortable dating life, obviously, prior to being Nikita

because I never felt like it was truly me.

Again, not to say male attention is everything,

but I think to be viewed from a partner, from someone,

the way you've always envisioned yourself to be

or to be recognized--

- Yes. - ...in that way.

I think it was so empowering for me.

And my first experiences,

I was okay with being the secret

'cause I truly thought that's all my life was afforded to.

I thought, as a trans woman,

I would never have a relationship publicly.

I'm, like, gonna start crying.

- No. Stop. - I don't know why.

It's just not--

I see the person that you are and what you deserve,

and you deserve to be wined and dined.

You deserve to be loved.

It's hard for me to hear this coming from a friend.

Is there anything that you would want to say to people

that maybe think the same way that you once thought?

I would definitely say that there is a lot of hope

and I've experienced it firsthand,

and that we have worth, you know,

and that kind of fairy tale or fantasy that you think is out there

is truly out there because I've experienced it.

In my trans journey, I wanted the male validation.

I wanted to be with a guy,

and I wanted to have the typical fairy tale fantasy

that any woman really wants.

But I kind of had to realize that, like, I can find that in myself,

just, like, as a obviously independent woman.

But, you know, I deserve to be more than the secret.

I feel like I had to put my foot down

and just be like, "No, like, I deserve more."

♪♪♪

There's a stigma associated

when cis men are attracted to trans women.

They tend to believe that society will doubt their straightness.

Have you experienced that?

- 1 million percent. - Mm-hmm.

It's like every relationship that I get into, basically.

It's so taboo. Certain aggressions of that

kind of come towards me from the men at times,

which is unfortunate in a lot of cases

for people who, uh, desire trans people

'cause, again, trans violence is a huge, huge topic.

Men who desire trans people have to prove their manhood

in different ways,

and it just is not a great kind of thing.

It's heavy, and it's hard stuff to talk about, you know,

but it has to be talked about 'cause of stories like yours.

People are finally shifting towards acceptance and understanding.

How do you think we can continue to support the trans community?

I think just by having conversations just like this--

- Yeah. - ...at a human level

where we both see each other as just that

and we have no kind of ego or judgments towards one another

and we're able to be in a safe space

and--and talk and educate each other and being open.

You might not be as understanding now,

but you're at least making the steps to change in a way.

I think that's really, at least, all I want from someone,

even if they don't necessarily agree with my lifestyle.

Something as little as "she" or recognizing me

'cause I think a lot of times we're shut out

and villainized in a crazy way,

and it's almost like a taboo thing for us to even exist.

I think that's the message that kind of goes across the board:

accept yourself first, and everyone else will follow.

Yes. That was the perfect way to wrap all of that up,

and I just wanted to say, once again, thank you so much for coming on here

and preaching the truth and being the bad bitch that you are.

You have been such a real friend.

I will always be here for you.

No judgment, no nothing.