All language subtitles for Pogey.Beach.2019

[deep rhythmic music]

[fire cackling]

- Dads, dads, it finally
came, my first pogey check.

4,900 bucks, I thought
I had top stamp.

What the fuck is this shit?

- Watch your lip, boy!

Your great grammy
would kick your ass

if she heard you
talking like that.

- Do you know how much
top fucking stamp was

when she was your age?

- Barely enough to
buy a decent shit box.

- Barely, you're lucky to
have that fucking pogey check.

- Sorry, dads, I just wanna
be the king of pogey beach,

just like you and grammy,
and grampy, and great grampy,

and great great grampy.

- We almost lost
pogey beach once.

- What a fucking story that was.

- What happened, dads?

- It's funny you should ask.

It's how you came in
the world, top stamp.

- Today's the day
to get her in, dear.

I'll start her off.

- Like hell you will,
I'll be telling this one.

- You're all bullshit and
fucking lies but have at it.

- I'll need something
cold, delicious.

Pass that to that
asshole over there.

[inaudible]

Just a nip.

- I shit meself earlier
and I couldn't [inaudible].

- Once upon a fucking time.

[fun exciting music]

It was going to be another
awesome as hell summer

on Pogey freaking Beach.
[barking]

Getting paid by the
government to drink the pine,

do screw, and do sweet fuck all.

Pogey Beach was a
safe haven for all

the gainfully unemployed.

To live the good life, all
you had to do was fill out

your pogey report with
the five magical words.

That fourth question's
a tricky fucker.

The pogey narcs were too
scared to come to the beach

to catch us pogey cheaters.

See, when you're on pogey,

you're supposed to
be looking for work.

But why the fuck
would you do that?

Every day feels like Saturday
when you're on pogey.

Me and the boys ran
that beach, greasers.

It was hard to tell what
was more full of shit,

his greasy crack or
his big fucking mouth.

- I swear I saw an
alien one summer.

I'm telling you, Gary,
I fucked a mermaid.

Man, what a fight,
it was unreal!

Right in the window, a
little fella waving at me,

swear to god.

Couldn't kiss worth a
fuck because of fish lips,

but the head, un-fucking-real.

I thought one of
my nuts was gonna

shoot right out of my ears.

Knuckles dragging, people's
spitting, biting too

when cops called.

She got the best of me big time.

She works in town now, Darlene.

- [Man] Fruit Eyes, the
only thing bigger than his

bulging eyes was the
bulge in his short.

What a fucking waste.

Even hanging around
with me, the king,

this guy couldn't get laid
to save his fucking life.

It was hard to say who had
the best boobs on the beach,

Cousin Trudi or my
buddy, Turkey Tits.

And then there's me,
Gary freaking Gallant.

I won the king of
Pogey Beach competition

eight years running.

All the ladies on that
beach wanted a piece of me

and everyone else
answered to the king.

Well, well, what have we
got here, Greasy Arse?

- Stupid fucking pogey
rookie hiding in the dunes.

- All pogey rookies have to
pay their dues to the king.

- I can offer a case of
delicious local craft beer

and a sandwich.

- You twisted fuck!

- Three dirty rotten beers and
have a truck stop sandwich.

- What's the punishment, boys?

- Please, I won't make the
same mistake again, I promise.

- Oh, we know you won't,
bend over, big boy.

- [yelling]
- [Man] Ah, fuck!

- [Man] Jesus, this is gonna
be all about you or what?

There was me, Lyle MacDonald.

[fun exciting music]

I was just landing
back from working that

oil patch in Alberta.

Never had time for that king of

Pogey Beach contest bullshit.

Being a pogey ain't
supposed to be a contest,

it's a state of mind.

For me, drawing top stamp
pogey was the closest thing

you'll ever get to god.

And I kept meself busy
collecting cans for cash,

under the freaking
table, of course.

And I never hit the beach
without my steal toed boots on.

You gotta look like
you're looking for work

when you're cheating the pogey.

Not like them geezing Gallants.

MacDonald's and Gallant's
are a lot like oil and water,

they don't get along at all.

As long as we stayed on
our own sides of the beach,

life couldn't be sweeter.

Little did we know
the girl from away was

gonna change the beach forever.

- Bloody confusing Prince
Edward Island roads.

God damn GPS.

- [GPS] 48 roads.

- I said Route 6,
not the 48 Road!

- [GPS] 48 Road.

- No, stop!

- You don't have to have
a temper tantrum, daddy.

My book says PEI is
known for people being

kind to strangers.

- I'm not having a
temper tantrum, sweetie.

This place is as hard
to navigate as Montreal,

don't you think, sweetie?

Well, you, you were
sleeping, weren't you?

Slept all the way here.

Your mother was like
that too, skank.

Your mother, not you.

[fun rhythmic music]

[tires squealing]

- Hey, hey, hey, you's look
a little lost in paradise.

- No, no, no, we're just
out getting some fresh air,

thank you.

- Fresh air, my arse.

You two look more lost than
a blind man in a snowstorm.

Just landed from
Ontario by the looks

of the plate [inaudible].

- Yes, Toronto, actually.

- Toronto, I just got back
from out west me self.

Out there working
in the oil patch,

working my nuts off, see.

- We're looking for
46 Pogey Beach Road.

- Jesus, yes, that's only a
hop, skip, and a jump away.

I'll take you there, follow me.

- Thank you.

- But it will cost
you, directions are $1.

Shit yeah.

Follow me smoke, Toronto!

[engine revving]

[tires squealing]

- Wait, where are we?

- Just follow the smoke, daddy.

[soft peaceful music]

- [Lyle] Well, now,
this is their car there,

pulling into the driveway
of their new house.

- [Gary] Jesus, shut
the fuck up, Lyle.

Honestly, if you're
gonna tell the story,

you're gonna have
to come up with

something better than that.

- [Lyle] Holy fuck,
that's some house.

- Bethany, welcome to
our new island home.

- Wish we didn't have
to leave Toronto.

- Me, too, honey but
we've been over this.

Daddy bought a fish
plant, remember?

This island is gonna be a
fresh start for both of us.

You know, on Sundays,

I'm gonna let you
play your music loud.

- I wish mom was here.

- Oh, the rotten bitch!

- Daddy!

- Honey, your mother
abandoned us to continue

fornicating with that 27 year
old little prick golf pro!

Remember?

- Daddy, how could I forget?

Caught him sticking
his you know what

in her you know what.

- Oh god, no.

- And then taking it
out and sticking it in

her other you know what.

- Skank!

- Daddy!

- Look, it's just daddy and
his little princess now, okay.

Let's go have a
look inside, huh.

[soft peaceful music]

[knocking]

Bethany!

- Daddy, that's not
how knocking works.

- Sweetie, we've got a no
closed door policy now.

Your mother, skank,
she liked closing doors

and we both know how that
turned out, don't we?

Besides, I've got a
surprise for you, come on.

No peeking, Bethany,
okay, and stop.

Open, look!

Our very own beach!

- This is our beach?

- Yeah, it's all ours!

- I hope I can
make friends here.

- Bethany, you are the
most wonderful, sweetest,

intelligent girl, you'll have
no trouble making friends.

But no bloody boys!

- Daddy, I'm 19, every girl
my age does stuff with boys.

- I don't want these
defeatist Maritimers

putting their hands on you!

- Daddy, all
Canadians are equal.

- That's a nice thought
but it's not true.

You are genetically
superior, sweetie.

I have heard that Prince
Edward Islanders are

the hardest working
people in the country.

Strong backs, dull minds,
perfect for menial work.

Sweetie, why don't you
put on your bathing attire

and head on down to the beach?

Test out the waters for us.

- Whatever you say, daddy.

- And if anyone gives
you any trouble at all,

you just tell them
you're from Toronto.

I'm sure they'll
know their place.

[sighing]

Perfect!

What the...

Oh, it's still warm.

Oh no.

[fun playful music]

- Looks like somebody forgot
to pick up after their dog.

There's a little piece of
shit right in our spot.

- Oh, sorry.

It's actually my
first day on PEI,

I didn't know there
was designated--

- The CFA, huh?

- Oh, I'm not CFA.

Yes, I come from away,
I'm from Toronto.

- Told ya, I can smell a
CFA from across the beach.

- Yeah, because they
smell like fucking shit.

What do you say we beat
the bejesus out of her.

- Hold her down, I'm
gonna spit in her mouth.

- Jesus, girls,
simmer the fuck down.

Where is your manners?

What's your name, CFA?

- I'm Bethany, Bethany Lockwood.

- Trudi, Trudi Gallant.

- My daddy and I
just moved into that

beach house over there.

- Who's your father, Bethany?

- Daddy's name's
Winslow Lockwood.

- We're going on a
cockabout, wanna join?

- Sure.

- Okay, peel out of
that contraption.

Let's see your bikini.

- This is my bathing suit.

- I'm on the rag and
bloated as fuck and

I'm still wearing a bikini.

- Fuck, clam bake,
enough with the excuses,

you're just a fatty.

- Look at the fucking
tits on Trudi, boys.

Holy fuck, she'd feed
a whole fucking village

of babies with those bad boys.

The milk they could hold!

- Oh easy, Greasy,
that's my cousin.

- I know, man, but
I'm just saying.

Say if that village
got hit by a bomb and

every cocksucker there
died except Trudi and

all the babies.

Not one baby would suffer!

- What is it with
you and milk, Greasy?

Every time we talk about tits,

it's like you were
weened way too early.

- Fuck no, man, I sucked
til I was near preteen.

Can't you fucking tell?

- What do you girls do?

- We work for the government,

they pay us to tan
and get shittered.

- No, thank you, daddy
doesn't let me drink beer.

- No, you're on Pogey Beach,

you gotta at least look
like you're drinking.

Now, let me give you the
rundown on all the action here.

Over here, you got
your pogey rookies,

a bunch of stunned,
limp dick ars holes.

- No, there's no [inaudible].

- Bottom stamps, not worth
your tits or your time.

- Bottom stamps, what's that?

- Worst pogey you could get,
just a sniff above welfare.

- Can I bum a dart off you?

- No, you ain't
getting a smoke off me.

- Over here, these fucking
losers are on disability pogey,

too lazy to get 16
weeks to qualify.

- I'm on the stress leave now.

- And yoU can't get them
up over the dune anyways

for a decent screw because
they're just hobbling all around.

- Look at Turkey Tits,

I think he put on a whole
cup size since last summer.

He could feed a village
of children with those.

- You're fucked.

- Who's that?

- That is Gary Gallant.

He's the king of Pogey Beach.

Top stamp every summer,
and I'm serious,

if he wasn't my first cousin,

I'd of taken a run
at him years ago.

- He's kind of cute.

- Bethany, are you
getting a fire in

your old bird all ready?

- Boys, that Clam Bake
could take my tartar sauce

any day of the week.

- Who the fuck would want
your rotten old tartar sauce?

- Geez, boys, who's
the rough looking one.

Look at the glasses on her.

My fucking nut sack
is fiercely loose,

balls running away from it.

- She must be new around here.

A little rough
around the edges but

may as well introduce myself.

- You want a hand?

- What, jerking me off?

- Oh fuck, Gary's coming.

Bethany, follow my lead.

Clam Bake!

- Yeah.

- Keep your mouth shut.

- What's going on, ladies?

- Oh you know, just
living the dream.

- Never seen you before.

- I'm Bethany, I
just moved here.

- Yeah, what's with the getup?

What are you doing reading
books at the beach?

- Well, I'm going to
university in the fall.

Where do you work?

- I work for the government,
they pay me to drink.

- And they pay the girls
to tan and get shitted?

PEI is so different
from Ontario.

- That's because Ontario's
a fucking shit hole.

So ladies, drive in later.

- Fucking right.

- What about you?

- I'll have to ask daddy first.

- No, no, we're all coming.

- Hey, it's your lucky
day, wanna finish my beer?

- Okay.

- Tramps, Bethany.

- Bethany, he's
fucking hard for you.

You're coming.

- Daddy doesn't let me
go to drive in movies.

- Fuck that shit, tell him
it's a sleepover or something.

- Daddy doesn't let me to
go to sleepovers either.

- Oh, Jesus.

- Well, look at you, Alberta
hasn't changed you one bit.

You don't look like a
fucking weirdo at all.

- A weirdo?

I've been pulling in three
grand a week up there

trucking at Fort Mack.

Fucking saved up damn
near most of it and

I'm here to buy your
freedom to get you

out of this god
forsaken pogey jail.

- So you finally saved some
of that filthy oil money.

I'm surprised you didn't
spend it on whores and liquor

like you usually do!

- [Lyle] See, me mother
wasn't always the so full of the

milk of human kindness.

Before she got thrown
into that pogey jail,

she was an angel.

- [Son] Wait,
Grammie was in jail?

- [Lyle] I didn't say
jail, I said pogey jail.

That's what we called
that fish plant, you see,

that hellish prison of
full time employment.

When you get caught
cheating the pogey,

that's where you landed.

- So I'm getting out today?

- Not quite exactly.

See, we were celebrating last
night up at Chucky's there

and fucking got
a little too full

and the briefcase with
the 25 grand in there

is under the pool table.

So, we're getting out of
here first thing tomorrow.

- Tomorrow, I've been
waiting for 20 fucking years

for you to do
something about this!

What do you mean tomorrow?

- What's one more
fucking day, Jesus?

- One more day, can't
you smell the fish guts

and the stink all over us all?

I'm dying in here, Lyle.

You gotta get me out.

- Well, it don't
smell like roses but

I've seen a lot fucking worse.

- Where are all the workers?

- Where are all the workers?

We had half as many yesterday.

I picked up that guy
hitchhiking this morning.

- But PEI has the
highest unemployment rate

in the country, you'd think
people would be begging

to work here.

- We're lucky we got the
imported workers from Russia

or only Trent would be working.

- What could possibly
be keeping them from

such lucrative positions?

- There's a guy
in the break room,

he wants to talk about
buying his mother's freedom.

- Buying his mother's freedom!

- I'm sorry, son, I know
you're doing your best.

- Thank you, yeah,
one day at a time.

- Yeah, so I suppose
that means I'll be out

by fucking Tuesday!

- Wednesday-ish, no
later than Friday.

- Bullshit!

- Come on.

- What's this about
someone looking

to buy someone's freedom?

- I'm looking for
Stanley fucking McKinnon.

- Stanley McKinnon
moved to Moncton.

I own this fish plant now.

- And who in the fuck are you?

- I'm Winslow Lockwood,
I'm from Toronto.

- Toronto.

Is that something
fucking special?

I'm supposed to drop down in
one knee and suck you off?

- Is that a traditional
island greeting?

- Tends to be.

Wait, now you're that
bald headed cocksucker

I gave fucking
directions to earlier.

I got 25 fucking grand
of dirty Alberta money

that's gonna be here
tomorrow, eh, Wednesday,

Friday at the fucking latest.

- I'm sorry, I can't afford
to lose anymore workers.

You had a deal with
Stanley McKinnon.

He lives in Moncton now.

- But I gave you them
directions there.

You'd still be twittling
your fucking bag

[inaudible] road if I hadn't!

- You're full of
fucking broken promises,

just like your fucking father!

Let go of me!

You gotta win the king of
Pogey Beach for me, son!

You gotta do that
for your mother.

It's the only way I
can stay alive in here.

Do it for your mother.

Hey, let go of me!

Take your fucking hands off me!

You can't take me back there!

No, I can't live like this.

- I'll win that fucking
crown for you, mom, come on!

- If anyone knows anything
about the employment insurance,

it would be the legendary
Gallant family of Pogey Beach.

They've built their empire
collected EI for over 70 years.

Even their horses and
barn cats collect pogey.

- Okay, daddy, my new PEI
friends will be here soon.

- Huh, well, where
are you going?

- I told you, we're
going to study together.

- Oh, forgive me, sweetie.

I've just been wrapped
up in my own bologna.

- Oh, what's wrong.

Did you forget to take
your ulcer medicine?

- No, no, no, it's
not my ulcers,

it's this damn fish
plant I bought.

There doesn't seem
to be enough workers.

And here we are in the
middle of Gallant country

with about a million of them,

and they're too
damn lazy to work!

- Everything will
be fine, daddy.

It's only our first
day on PEI and

I've all ready made new friends.

- New friends, wonderful!

See, I knew you would!

[fun exciting music]

- Yeah, boys, I get
god awful horny, man.

But sometimes it's
holding hands,

that's all a fellow needs.

- Oh yeah, I freaking
love it, boys.

Just sitting around,

she's got her hand
on your limp pecker,

you're watching TV,
looking at the stars.

Sometimes you don't even
really want anything else.

- No, you wouldn't.

- Those big flash bags got
my mouth watering, man.

- Frig off boys, I'm down
to a freaking C cup this year.

- You think Fruit Eyes is
good at tongue kissing?

Because if he's
no good at French,

he's not going
anywhere near my boobs.

- As long as a man is
willing to lick me clean,

I'm good to go.

- Jesus Christ, shut
the fuck up, Clam Bake.

Nobody wants to hear
about somebody munching

on your old swamp twat.

Anyways, you don't
want a guy with a job.

They never have
any time for you.

They're always working.

- I've never really
been with a guy before.

- Okay but wait, how many
guys have you blowed?

- Blowed, like.

[exhaling]

- How many guys have you
pulled, you know, hand job?

69, back door?

Cleveland steamer?

- I've never even
kissed a guy before.

- Oh, Jesus.

- My way.

- There we go, never did
see someone so beautiful

in my whole fucking life.

Get your fucking frosted tips
out of my god damn mirror.

Steely blue eyes,
dreamy Superman curl,

eyebrows like a
monkey's arse hole.

Face like a half chewed caramel.

Savage.

- But I really wanna
learn about boys.

Can you guys teach me?

- Okay, first thing's
first, scientific fact,

boys on Pogey have
way bigger wieners.

- Like at least an inch bigger.

- If I can't get both
hands on the shaft,

I don't even bother.

- And bigger dicks
are way more wickider.

They can get it in real deep
and hit all the hot spots

and make you twitch,

and your eyes roll
back in your head.

- Boys on Pogey have
more time to practice

all their screwing moves.

- You're a virgin so
you may as well get

the thick meat
right off the back.

- I don't eat meat,
I'm vegetarian.

- Okay.

- So am I meeting
you there, boys?

- Yes, you're meeting us
there, you stunned prick.

- Fuck, you're a
bimbo, Turkey Tits!

Jesus, fuck!

Fucking goof.

- Doesn't this outfit
show too much skin?

- You're sniffing glue,

you can never show
too much skin.

- Turd cutter, let's see it.

- What?

- Your arse, Bethany, your arse.

Oh yeah, pooper looks unreal.

- Look at me, take those
off, they're stupid.

- Yeah, let's see you now.

Oh yeah, your arse looks
way wickider without

the glasses on, I love it.

[fun playful music]

- Well, I'm an A student so
I have that going for me.

And I do yoga and [inaudible].

- Nobody gives a shit about
that big city stuff around here.

- Listen, girls, I'm
gonna try to make it to

second base with
Turkey Tits tonight.

Nobody better make
a move on him.

- I think you're safe.

- How's it going
now, ladies, Bethany?

- Hi, Gary, I mean, King.

I mean, King of Pogey Beach.

- How you doing, Clam Bake?

- Hi, Turkey Tits.

- Holy flying fuck, are
you the hard looking one?

- Hey, how's everyone
doing tonight?

It's me, Larry Baragin,
the mayor of Pogey Beach!

Thanks everyone for coming
out to the drive in tonight

to kick off the first
day of pogey summer!

[cheering]

And later tonight, we're
gonna be accepting entries

for the king of Pogey
Beach competition.

Will any one have the
balls to step up and

challenge Gary Gallant,

the reigning king
eight years running?

And remember, you can just
get your name in there

at the canteen later tonight.

And remember, the
pageant's in six weeks!

- G'day, g'day, g'day,
Lyle MacDonald here.

I'll be challenging that
fucking Gary Gallant this year

to King of Pogey
Beach competition.

- Lyle fucking MacDonald.

He's never in it before.

- It seems brave to get up in
front of everyone like that.

- Lyle, brave.

Mr. Artsy fartsy Vincent
Van goof up there.

- All you drinking up there
tonight, keep it up because

I'll be collecting all
the cans and bottles.

We're doing a run
first thing tomorrow

for the bottle depot.

- He's never
challenged me before.

What the fuck's he doing?

- He's a fuck turd.

Hey, what do you say we pair up?

- I'll go with you.

- No, you're with Gary.

- Just a reminder that I'll be
collecting the bottles tonight.

Lyle can take care of the cans but I'll be
making a run to the bottle depot tomorrow too.

Thanks for coming out
to the drive in tonight,

enjoy the show!

- What the bejesus do
you think you're doing?

We're not holding hands.

We're not doing nothing until
I see how good you can french.

- I've been told I'm
an unreal kisser.

- All right, get your mouth
wet, show me what you can do.

On your arm.

- Want a wiener?

- Shouldn't we at least
wait until the movie starts?

Oh, hmm, right.

Thanks.

[clearing throat]

- My eyes are up here, Clammy.

[laughing]

- You look awfully young.

You've ever been to the
drive in with a guy before?

- I'm 19, I do stuff
with guys all the time.

- Like?

- Like I do drinking,
I do blowing, 69,

back door, Cleveland
steamer, everything.

- Fun fucking fact for you
there, Trudi fruity all rooty.

- What's that?

- I guess the World Health
Organization says the mothers

who breast feed their
kids for two years, eh.

- What the fuck
you talking about?

- Well, apparently
it's very important.

Fuck, I was breastfed
until I was nine.

I'm terribly lactose
intolerant now though.

I walk into a room
with chocolate milk,

straight shit my pants.

- Jesus.

- Oh, other than that,

I'm fucking womp bomp
baloo bop, balop bam boom.

- Okay.

Worst night at
the drive in ever.

- Tell me about it, watching
Fruit Eye trying to kiss

was like looking at a drooler
with a peach in his mouth.

- Greasy Arse just
kept talking about

breastfeeding all night.

- I managed to get laid--

- Nobody cares!

How'd it go with Gary,
bang pissers or what?

- We just talked mostly.

- You just talked!

You were with the king of
Pogey Beach at the drive in

all night and you just talked!

- He's really sensitive.

- Yeah, the tip of his
pecker is sensitive.

Hopefully you didn't
totally fuck it up.

Peel down!

- What if daddy sees me.

- Bethany, it's dad.

The next time you say daddy,
you're off the fucking beach.

If I had a dick,
I'd be balls deep.

- What kind of balls?

[fun rhythmic music]

- Listening to
Greasy Arse ramble on

was even more boring
than usual because

all I could think
about was Bethany.

As soon as I saw her,

I couldn't get the stupid
fucking smile off my face.

Look at it, I look
like a fucking idiot.

Bethany.

- [Bethany] Hi, Gary.

- [Gary] And Winslow did
what he did most nights,

jerked off to his ex wife
and cried his heart out,

the poor bastard.

- [Lyle] How in the fuck
did you know he did that?

- [Gary] Ah, it seems
like something he'd do.

[loud exciting music]

- [Man] Rise and shine
all you Pogey bones!

It's gonna be another freaking
gorgeous day on Pogey Beach!

We've got 25 degrees with 100%
chance of getting hammered.

[fun playful music]

- Good morning, my beach.

Good morning, Winslow, will
you come play on me today?

Oh yes, I'll be
playing [inaudible].

Ooh, making out on the
beach, huh, skanks.

Mmm, what's this?

Oh my, well that is just divine.

Look at the chasity
on that hot rod.

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

Bethany!

- So how many weeks do you
have to work to get pogey?

- I work about 16 weeks,
drive a snow plow.

- You drive a snow plow?

- Hell yeah, I do!

- That's so fun.

- I know, right.

[exciting rhythmic music]

- Bethany!

Bethany, Bethany!

What are you wearing?

- My bathing suit.

- It's a god damn bikini!

And what is that?

A beer, give it to me!

- No!

- Give it!

- No, dad, I'm
drinking the pine.

- Dad, that's not how a proper
upper Canadian woman speaks.

Cover yourself up!

- Go easy, squirrel nuts.

She's got a tighty body on
her, don't need to hide that.

- Squirrel nuts, that is my
teenage daughter, you asshole!

What is your name, punk?

- You know who I am, I'm
Gary fucking Gallant.

- A Gallant, oh, well
I should've known!

Why aren't any of you at work?

It's the middle of a weekday!

- It's okay, dad,
this is Pogey Beach,

they work for the government.

They get paid to tan and
drink and do nothing all day.

- You're all on
unemployment insurance?

Well, why aren't you
looking for work?

It's your duty!

[laughing]

- Work!

- You can all come work
for me at the fish plant.

I can promise jobs
for all of you!

[laughing]

- [Man] Fish plant.

- Holy fuck, boys, this guy
fucking pre-jacked himself!

[laughing]

- Bethany, what happened to you?

I leave you alone
for five minutes and

you turn into your skank mother!

- I hate you, dad!

Have fun blowing yourself
to mom last night?

- Bethany!

- Leave her, she has dad issues.

- Don't we all.

- Have you heard of this
place called Pogey Beach?

It's overrun with pogey cheats.

- Mr. Lockwood, we're all
well aware of Pogey Beach

on the island.

- Surely you're supposed
to be bloody well sober

on a weekday if you're ready,
willing, and able to work!

- Mr. Lockwood, Pogey
Beach is the wild west

of Prince Edward Island.

It's a lawless zone, I
don't send my narcs in there

because they don't come back.

- I just bought a god
damn fish plant that

needs dozens of workers,
while over here,

there's unemployed youths
perfectly capable of working

but doing nothing all day.

- I'd like to help you, Mr.
Lockwood, but my hands are tied.

- So you're gonna do nothing?

The truth is, Chief,

you're just as lazy
as those pogey bums.

- There was one narc who
went in, Ira MacAskill,

the best damn pogey
narc in the business.

20 years ago, he went deep
undercover in that beach.

Too deep, busted his own
wife and her dune screwin

lover, Trent Gallant.

The only Gallant that
we've ever taken down

for cheating on pogey.

Truly legendary.

- Well, let's get
this guy on the job!

- He's long retired now.

I wouldn't even know
where to find him.

- Oh, perhaps this will
refresh your memory.

I've heard that Esther
Campbell's mustard pickles

are the best on
Prince Edward Island.

[slow eerie music]

- Truly legendary.

- [Gary] You got this, just
take your time, ease into it.

- Fudge nuggets!

- Fudge nuggets,
potty mouth on you.

- Sorry, daddy just makes
me so angry sometimes.

I know he's just being
overprotective ever since

my mom became a...

- Skank?

- Yes, a skank.

- Yeah, her and my father
would get along real good.

- Who was your father, Gary?

- Who's my father?

Who's your father,
who's your father,

it's all I ever hear anymore.

Girls, why do they ask me that?

Everybody knows
who my father is.

- Is he nice?

- He's nice if he wants
to get in your hole.

- He likes mini putt too?

- No.

I'd trade that man in for a
new father any day of the week.

Fathers can be such dicks.

Come to think of it, your
dad looks just like a dick.

All around the top of
his head, dick head.

Watch this.

Fuck!

- [Announcer] Crazy, and lazy,
and driver George McSwain,

Horsecott hanover--

- Oh, Horsecott Hanover, how
could you do that to me again?

Jesus!

- I hear you were a better
pogey narc than a gambler.

In fact, I hear you're
the best in the business.

- Well, I don't know what
you're talking about.

Pogey nutt?

No, I'm just a retired
government worker

enjoying his pension.

- I'll cut to the
chase, Mr. MacAskill,

I have a job for you, my
daughter's innocence is at stake.

- [inaudible] I used
to be in the narc,

but that was years ago.

No, I got in deep.

Yeah, too deep.

- Mr. MacAskill?

- And now, if you'll excuse
me, I'm gonna call it a night.

[horns trumpeting]

[fun playful music]

- There it is!

- Took you long enough.

- I don't got a care
in the world, Bethany.

I just gotta answer the
five pogey questions,

no, no, no, yes, no.

- That's all you have to do?

- That's it, and
boom, pogey check!

You wouldn't believe how
many people fuck that up.

- Could you teach me
how to play cribbage?

- I could but you
can't call it cribbage.

- What do I call it?

- Crib, you gotta
call it crib, Bethany.

You don't wanna be saying
cribbage around here,

you might get tossed off a
wharf and eaten by a shark,

possibly a lobster, frogs--

- Okay, I won't say cribbage.

- [Gary] Bethany, you're
way more differenter

than the girls around here.

- What do you mean?

- You're smart, you
read books on the beach,

you dress different.

I like you, I mean, I like it,
I like how you're different.

See this castle?

See this crown?

Wanna go inside?

- Sure.

- Goodnight, Penny,
goodnight Jenky, sleep tight,

don't let the horse flies bite!

[slow relaxing music]

- Mr. MacAskill, it seems
to me that you could

really use a friend.

- Oh, well I got Squinty
the cat here somewhere.

Squinty, Squinty!

- Ira, do you mind
if I call you Ira?

I could really make
this worth your while.

[slow tense music]

- No, no, no, I
appreciate the offer

but I can't do it, sorry.

- Looks like I'll have to
catch that bloody Gallant

bunch myself!

- Did you say Gallant?

[exciting rhythmic music]

- Another way I made
cash was landscaping.

But on this particular morning,

I could see Krishna from PEI.

You must be cold
because I know I am and

I fish off these fucking shores.

Of course, I'm usually
drunk [inaudible].

Hey, hey, hey, the
one and only Toronto.

- Hi, Lyle, right?

- Fucking eh,
[inaudible] this morning.

In case you didn't know,
I'm the king of Pogey Beach

around here, eh.

- You're the king
of Pogey Beach?

- Fucking right.

- I thought Gary
Gallant was the king.

- Fuck Gary Gallant, man.

I saw you doing some wild
looking moves there earlier.

- It's called yoga.

- Think you could teach me
some of that stuff or what?

- Yoga doesn't really
seem like your thing.

- Well, looks can be deceiving.

How would you fancy
me for an artist?

- Really?

- Just because I'm
fucking drawing pogey

doesn't mean that's the only
god damn thing I can draw.

Look at this.

- Is that me?

- It's a fucking spitting image.

- It's beautiful.

- For that baby there, eh,
I'll cut my throat on her,

five bucks.

- $5.

- Yeah, just for you though.

- Okay.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

- You done with this
here can too or?

- Oh, yeah.

- That's another five cents
right there, that shit adds up.

I'm collecting all day and
she's gonna be a good one.

See ya later, Toronto.

- Bye.

- So I'm doing these penis
exercises, they're called Kegels.

I'm telling you, if I
get Kimmy this year,

I'm gonna last at
least three hours.

- You wouldn't last three
hours, let alone three minutes.

- This is the summer
of Fruit Eyes.

- Big dreams, buddy, big dreams.

- Biggest hammerhead
this side of the beach.

- Yeah, maybe that side
of the picnic table.

- Gary, look what I found
in the shitter bulletin board,

list of King of Pogey
Beach competition events.

Ooh, that was a
good fucking shit.

I just shit out a
small child, boys.

Here's the list.

- What do they got for
us this year, Greasy.

- We got blind
folded hoot brewing.

- [Gary] Fuck.

- That's great for you.

Oh yeah, Lyle don't
stand a chance there,

blind man couldn't
run a hoot like you.

Wet swimsuit contest,
no fucking contest.

Your body, holy fuck, I'd
punch a baby right in the mouth

just to have half
the body you got.

Biggest slot, come on, I
wish I could slot like you.

- I do [inaudible] good, boys.

- Fucking right, I try to but

I get fucking feelings
way too quick.

I get hard on
instead of a hard on.

That's just me though.

What else, Gary,
most wickedest car.

That one kind of scares me.

- That's on him, Gary, you
got the best rig going.

- What are you
fucking talking about?

- Well, geez, Lyle's car has
got wings, man, fucking wings!

It's got wings, that fucking
thing looks like it could fly!

Fuck man, talent event.

Like, I know you're
talented but Lyle,

fuck man, he's got a painting
up in Annie's fucking

smoking room, unreal.

I'm colorblind, I could
see the way the colors

just cascade right into the
nicotine stains and everything.

It's wonderful.

Biggest pogey cheater, Lyle,

that fuckers working
for cash all the time.

Like you can't half
arse this one, Gary.

You got six weeks to
get in peak pogey shape.

I say we start training today.

- Boys, I don't need to
train, I'm pogey royalty.

Go fucking get me a
lobster roll, would ya?

I'm starved.

- Coleslaw, Gary.

- Yes, extra coleslaw.

- Another beer?

- We got beer right
here, Fruit Eyes,

get me a mussel burger too.

- Get your arse moving, get!

How fucking stunned he is.

- Good fellow.

- So, what's the job?

- I want you to infiltrate
those pogey bums

that are hanging around
with my daughter.

Learn from them, find
out if they're breaking

any of the pogey rules.

- Well, that's a big job.

Gonna take a lot of resources.

- Beer coupons are no object.

And if you can fill my
fish plant with workers,

I will reward you handsomely.

Here's my beautiful Beth.

- Whoa, odd looking.

Looks like she's got a wonderful
personality, Mr. Lockwood.

- Her virginity is in
your hands, Mr. MacAskill.

- Well, it's been 50 years
since a woman's virginity

has been in the
care of these hands.

I'll do my best.

- I want you to get those
pogey bums off my beach!

[fun playful music]

- So did any of you
boys get your dick wet

last night or what?

- Me and Kimmy were tugging
all fucking night, boys.

- Other than Palmela
Handerson and Angelina Jolie,

it's drier than a
popcorn fart for me, man.

- Boys, me and
fucking Clam Bake--

- Gary, how about you?

Did that Toronto gal give you
some big city loving or what?

- What?

- You got Lyle on
the mind, don't you?

Can't say I don't
blame you, man.

- You scared of Lyle, Gary?

- Please, boys, not a chance.

- Speaking of the geezer,

look who's coming
up the beach now.

- How's she going, boys?

Did you hear me little
announcement at the fucking

drive in the other evening?

- Yes, but guess what, I'm the
fucking king of Pogey Beach.

- Like fuck he is.

- I've been collecting
pogey for 15 years

and who the fuck are you?

- 15, fuck it, I've been
running pogey for at least 20,

working for cash under table
the whole fucking time,

screwing everything in sight.

- Lyle, who doesn't
work for cash

and who the fuck collects
pogey with steal toed boots on?

- Well, I'm looking for work.

Well, this says PEI
right across [inaudible].

King of the fucking
crop, are you?

- Next I'm gonna get
a fucking EI check

tattooed right under it.

- You damn near should.

- Well, I guess we're
gonna have to settle this

some other fucking way.

- Yup!

[fun country music]

[engines revving]

Well that didn't fucking solve
anything at all, did she?

The two of us are
pretty good off roaders,

damn fine off roaders.

- Look at your tiny
little stick legs,

I'm gonna destroy you
in the swimsuit event.

- I might paint a picture
of you licking me boot

for the talent portion
of this here contest.

- Listen, why don't you stay
on your side of the beach

until we let the
pageant judges decide

that I'm the fucking king?

- Did you hear were
the judges anyway?

- We got Beatrice McDonald.

- Fuck, Beatrice, man,
she's got it out for me.

- We got Cecil MacEntire.

- [Lyle] Cecil's good, yeah.

- Cecil.

- The judges, they will
decide, won't they?

[deep tense music]

♪ I am a lone man

♪ A lone wolf of justice

♪ My path is always righteous

♪ The job, it must be done

♪ I am the law man

♪ Silent, swift, but deadly

♪ I'm always at the ready
with a rifle or a gun ♪

♪ Out on the Western trail

♪ Out on the Western trails

♪ Out on the Western trails

♪ Out on the Western trails

- Whoa, Pogey Beach.

Well, isn't employment
insurance just the way to go?

Look, you boys
mind if I sit down

and play some cribbage with you?

- Sure old timer, have a seat.

- Nice fucking board.

- Well, I'm glad you noticed it.

I won my first [inaudible]
with this board back in 1962.

- You wanna hoot?

- Well, I don't give a
hoot but I'll take a hoot.

They don't call me the
great Snowy Owl for nothing.

[laughing]

- You want me to crack you
one of these cold Alpines?

- Well, you can
call me Alberta Tom

because I'm gonna
down that Alpine.

Yeah, double gold, an Alpine
skin in '88 in Calgary.

I'll tell you, I was on
winter pogey that year

and I caught the whole games,

I didn't miss a single event!

- Yeah, [inaudible]
ruined for you.

Here, suck this beauty down.

[coughing]

- You okay, Great Snowy Owl?

- Have a big drink
of this here, tumba.

- Oh god, you can
taste the can off that.

[laughing]

- Jesus, get the
fuck out of here!

- Get out of here.

- You okay, old timer?

Here, have a rip of that.

- No, no, no.

- No, trust me, this will
cure whatever ails you.

Trust me.

There you go, get her into you.

- Oh, young fella, I
think you saved my life.

- The fucking kids these days.

No respect for
their pogey elders.

Oh, there he goes.

- Oh, all right, that's
good quality shine.

- That sure is and
there's a fuck load more

where that came from!

Let's get out of here.

- And I was shoveling
my arse off everyday,

minimum wage job, broke
19 shovels that winter,

practically working for nothing.

- Boys, boys, boys!

Meet Johnny Mountain, this guy's
been on pogey for 47 years.

- So, you boys all on pogey?

- Holy fuck, man, do you
know where you're at?

- Oh and how about
you, sweet little girl,

you on pogey too?

- Not yet but I will be soon.

- How in the hell do you
collect pogey for that long?

- Well son, you gotta
know the answers.

Yes, yes, yes, no, yes.

- It's no, no, no, yes,
no, you got it backwards.

- Oh, well--

- How long do you say you've
been collecting pogey there,

old timer?

[laughing]

- Just kidding you, just wanted
to see if you were pogey narcs!

[laughing]

- Oh, Johnny Mountain,
I had a little sniff

of pogey narc off
you there for a sec.

- Me, a pogey narc!

[laughing]

- Boys, could you imagine if
a pogey narc came down here

to our beach?

- Well, he'd have to be
pretty fucking stunned,

wouldn't he?

- Damn straight he would.

I'd put a shotgun
right in his mouth.

- I'd twist his head backwards
and shit fair down his neck.

- I'd cut his
fucking dick off and

throw it right in
the fucking riptide.

- Say, Johnny,
what's with the wire?

- Oh that, well I'm
just writing my memoirs!

Yeah, I'm documenting
everything.

Everything that I do, I'm
putting down on paper.

So you fellas ever
work for cash?

You know, under the table?

- [Gary] You love cash jobs too?

- Well, just about my favorite
thing in the whole world!

- You know what, Johnny,
we got a big one coming up

and we need another man.

You in?

- In, well I'll say
I'm in, in like flin.

- Can I work for cash too?

- Oh, Bethany, you're not on
pogey, you can't work for cash.

- I thought you were gonna
teach me how to play crib today.

- Nah, nah, nah, tomorrow.

All right, boys, what do
you say, let's do this!

[slow solemn music]

Ready for this shit,
Johnny Mountain?

- Oh yeah, Gary, I'm ready.

I'm just gonna follow your lead.

- [Gary] Nice and clean.

- Oh yeah, clean, yeah,
yeah, clean's good.

- In and out.

- Oh, in and out,
just gonna follow you.

I'll follow you right
through to the end, Gary.

[fun rock music]

[tires squealing]

- No better way to
top up your pogey

than with a cash job heist.

Everybody, hit the
ground, drop the weapon!

That wasn't my pile,
collecting cans for pennies,

for fuck sakes.

The biggest pain in the
ass with a cash job is

getting someone to plant it.

So we let someone else
do all the hard work,

then you swoop in
and get the job done.

A cash job like that would
last us for the whole summer.

With so much cash
floating around,

didn't matter what I said,

those fucking idiots
couldn't contain themselves.

- Look at this, Gary,
seashell necklace.

Me and Clam Bake are
courting, it's official.

- What are you doing, I told
you not to buy anything.

- It's my going steady necklace.

- Bought it at a
yard sale, Gary.

- I don't care where
the fuck you bought it,

there could be pogey narcs
everywhere watching us.

Just take the clam shell
necklace and your turkey tits

and get the fuck out of here.

Get out!

[soft lighthearted music]

- Play crib in style now, Gary.

- What are you, stunned?

First we got a clam
shell necklace,

now we got a 29 crib board?

- [Greasy Arse] My old crib
board's a piece of shit, man.

- What are you, stunned?

- Sorry, Gary.

- Are you stunned or what?

- I am a little stunned.

- You are stunned.

Fruit Eyes, get him the
fuck out of here, please.

[soft lighthearted music]

Don't be like them, don't be
stupid with the money, Johnny.

- Scouts honor.

- Chowder, we'll take two.

- Anything for the king.

- To the newest member of
our crew, Johnny Mountain!

I know it's gonna
sound weird, right,

since I've only known
you for like two days,

but you're like a new dad to me.

I bet you'll be a
great father, Johnny.

You have any kids?

- Nah, no kids.

My sperm didn't work,
I was infertile.

I grew up near a potato farm,

I kept breathing those
pesticides all the time,

poisoned my sack.

- Give me a sec.

Bethany, what the
freak is wrong?

What is it, about the cash job?

- No, no, no.

- Bethany!

[soft lighthearted music]

What's the matter?

- I want you to teach me
all about pogey, Gary.

You pull me in and
then push me away.

- I all ready taught you
everything there is to know

about the five pogey questions.

- I want to feel the rush
of working under the table.

I wanna feel what you feel.

- You can fill out
my pogey report.

- Me?

- Yeah.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- What if I mess it up,
can't something bad happen?

Can't something bad happen,
can't something bad happen?

- [Man] Gary, I need you to
fill out my pogey report.

- This has gotta go in the mail today.
- [Bethany] Gary, Gary!

- [Man] You remember
the answers, right?

No, no, no, yes, no.

No, no, no, yes, no.

- [Bethany] Gary, what's
wrong, are you okay?

- [Man] You killed your
brother, Gary, what did you do?

- Gary!

Gary, what's wrong,
are you okay?

- No, it's a bad idea!

- Did you have a
traumatic experience with

a pogey report or something?

- No, not at all.

- Must be hard being the king.

- It is hard.

- You know, I never
thought I'd even like beer.

But I fucking love it.

- When you swear, it
makes my pants tight.

- I fucking love it.

Ow!

What was that?

- Holy fuck, it's
a horse fly bite!

- A horse fly bite, is that bad?

- Yeah, it's poisonous!

- Poisonous?

- I gotta suck the poison out!

- Okay, please suck
the poison out.

Did you get the poison out?

I think there might be
more poison in there, Gary.

[soft serene music]

- The Pogey Beach
operation is going great.

I blended right in, sir.

They don't suspect a thing.

I'm in deep, that whole
beach is gonna go down.

They're all gonna do
some serious pogey time.

[laughing]

- Wonderful,
wonderful news, Ira!

How's Bethany?

- Oh, I don't think you
have to worry there, sir.

- Gather any solid
evidence on pogey fraud.

- Very solid.

- [Bethany] Oh, Gary.

- This is hot and heavy action!

- [Gary] Call me the king.
- [Bethany] You're the king.

- It's been a long time since I seen
or heard dune screwing like that.

- [Gary] Feel my scepter.

[moaning]

- Bye, dad!

- Bethany!

Come here.

- [Bethany] You're the king.

- Where are you rushing off to?

You didn't come home until
1:00 in the morning last night.

- None of your geezing business.

I'm 19, I'm not a freaking kid.

- Bethany!

Bethany, you come back here!

[deep tense music]

Bethany!

[inaudible]

Bethany, wait!

You, you leave me and
my daughter alone,

you bloody Gallant!

- He's a nice boy, dad.

- The Gallants are all bums!

[slow tense music]

[engine revving]

Nice car, Gallant,
where'd you get this?

Did you steal it from somewhere!

I wouldn't be surprised.

Bethany, Bethany!

You better be
home by 10:00.

Bethany, we're gonna
have a serious pow wow

when you get home, Bethany!

The car's not inspected.

- Last night was my
first time ever, Gary.

- Last night was your first
time screwing in the dunes?

- No, like, my first time
ever, you took my virginity.

- Holy fuck, you're
my first too, Bethany.

- Really, I took your virginity?

- Fuck no, but you were the
first girl I ever screwed

who wasn't on pogey.

[lighthearted music]

Fuck life was sweet.

I had my first real
girlfriend ever.

We did everything together.

- [Lyle] Holy fuck, don't
take your shirt off.

Jesus Christ, we don't
need to see that.

- [Gary] For the
first time in my life,

I was doing all kinds
of lovey dovey shits.

Bethany was the first
girl who wanted to learn

how to brew a
proper bottle toke.

I was smitten.

- [Lyle] Holy fuck, she wasn't
kissing you in the woods.

All this part's all
fucking bullshit.

- [Gary] I'm not making
it up, Lyle, fuck you.

And I had a new dad.

The dad I always wanted.

Life couldn't have been
more fucking wickeder.

Nothing else seemed to matter.

- Three fucking beer
in an hour, Gary?

Come on!

I haven't seen you
drunk all summer.

At this pace, it's gonna take
two days to finish these beer.

- Just not thirsty, Greasy.

- Not thirsty, he says.

You're not taking it
serious is what's happening.

You're spending too
much time with your new

girl girlfriend, Bethany,

your new dad girlfriend,
Johnny fucking Mountain.

You're gonna lose king of Pogey
Beach is what's happening.

How in the fuck are
we ever gonna get laid

if you're not the king?

Stop being so fucking selfish.

You're Gary fucking Gallant!

Are you kidding me,
any guy on Pogey Beach

would kill to be you!

Greaseless arse without
a hint of mud butt,

nice flat pecs, no
man tits like Turkey,

perfect 20/20 vision,
not like poor Fruit Eyes

passed out shit ass drunk,

can't see a fucking
thing through those

big stupid looking
fucking glasses.

Gary Gallant, one woman
man, oh my fucking god.

Poor Fruit Eyes set up a
fucking obstacle course for you!

Three hours it took them!

You know how tiresome
it was watching that?

- As much as I love listening
to you talk, Greasy,

and you do talk a lot,

I got a hot date tonight, buddy.

For once in my life, my
heart heart and my dick heart

are on the same path.

- Fuck it, I'll drink
the fucking beer then!

- Have at her, buddy,
and have fun with that,

a fucking mess.

And then it came time to
introduce Bethany to the family.

I'm not sure who was
more nervous, her or me.

Welcome to the house
that pogey built.

- Holy frig, it's amazing.

I'm scared your family
isn't gonna like me.

- They're gonna
love you, I promise.

[soft sophisticated music]

- What is this about, you
screwing some girl from away?

Toronto, no less,
is this true, Gary?

- Dad, this is Bethany.

- Hi, it's nice to
meet you, Mr. Gallant.

- Oh, hello, I'm
Gary's dad, Emmett.

I've heard lots of
wicked stuff about you.

Where are my manners,
come in, come in.

- How do you like
the fucking shine?

- It's good.

- You got quite a [inaudible].

Can you still see?

- I think so.

- Where are you
from, dear, anyway?

- Toronto, born and raised.

- Oh, you poor stunned
little bastard.

We won't hold that against you.

Would you like to see
my stamp collection?

- [Bethany] Oh, I love stamps!

- See this, this is the
very first pogey check

that my father got,
1941, 26 fucking dollars.

Can you believe that,
26 fucking dollars?

- What a magnificent slut
your brother Trent was.

Superb pecker on him, just
like his great granddaddy.

King of Pogey Beach
five years in a row.

His run cut short.

Trent was my favorite,
my first born son.

- I'm sorry for your loss.

- Enough about Trent all ready.

- Yeah, enough
about fucking Trent,

that's all we, can we
not have one fucking meal

without listening about Trent?

- He was a beautiful boy.

And you killed him!

[deep dark music]

- I was only nine years old!

Hey, hey, wanna go to the barn?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Get in there, don't
forget to close the door.

- Get upstairs, strip
off them clothes

and get ready for my
magnificent pecker.

- I can't believe I'm gonna
screw the king of Pogey Beach!

- Gary, Gary.

I need you to fill
out my pogey report.

She's gotta go in
the mail today.

- I don't think I
can do that, Trent.

- Come on, man, you're
the king's baby brother.

- Are you sure?

- You remember the answers,
right, no, no, no, yes, no.

- No, no, no, yes, no.

- Now, I'm gonna go upstairs and

screw the bag off
that sensuous woman.

- Okay, Trent.

- No, no, no, yes, no.

Love you little brother.

- Love you too, just don't
forget to wear a condom.

No, no, no, yes, no.

No, no, no, yes, no.

- [Woman] Yes, yes!

- Yes.

- [Woman] Yes!
- [Trent] Yes!

- Yes.

- [Woman] Yes!

- Yes.

- [Woman] Yes, yes!

- That looks about right.

- The pogey report killed him?

- Because Gary screwed
up Trent's pogey claim,

the narcs got on him,
charged him with pogey fraud.

Forced him back
to work full time!

The one and only Gallant
ever to be charged

with cheating the pogey!

- G'day, g'day, g'day.

My ears are burning, were
you talking about me?

Hey dad, how are you?

Grammie, Gary.

Oh, who's this now?

- I'm Bethany.

- Nice to meet you, I'm
Trent, Gary's bigger brother.

Supper ready or what?

Quite the plant at the fish
plant today, I tell yas.

My goodness, we had to
break down the line.

Freaking Judy and Natalia,

they got bored and
they start flinging

the fish at each other.

My goodness, Natalia got Judy
right square in the face.

We're all laughing, and oh
my goodness, it was funny,

you should've been there.

You want a job, Gary?

They're setting up that
line for the halibut.

- Look, will you stop
talking about that

fucking fish plant?

I don't wanna hear another
god damn word about

that fucking fish plant!

- I like working
at the fish plant.

It's the best thing that
ever happened to me!

I don't miss being on
the pogey for one second.

- You see!

You see what you did to my boy!

It should've been you that
died, not my beautiful Trent!

[groaning]

It's not your fault, Trent.

- My dad just bought
the fish plant.

- Oh, you're Winslow
Lockwood's daughter, are you?

Right on, he seems
like a good fella.

- Your father bought
the pogey jail?

Get the fuck out of
my house, both of ya!

- But I thought we were
having buttered sandwiches

and mustard pickles.

- Get out!

- What a fucking arse hole.

- Are we gonna have supper
or what, I'm hungry?

- Just wait in the car, please.

- Gary!

This family has a
reputation to uphold.

How many girls you screwed
so far this summer?

- A few.

One.

- And you think you're
a big enough slut

to be king of Pogey Beach?

- I don't wanna
be a slut anymore.

Maybe I'm tired of being a slut.

Just because grampie was a
slut and grammie was a slut,

and great grampie was a slut.

I'm sick of being
a slut like you.

- Don't you slut
shame your father!

Maybe I'll take away your
cozy snow plowing job.

No more top stamps for
Gary in the summer.

You'll have to collect pogey
in the middle of winter,

like the road working crews.

[slow tense music]

- I fucking love beer.

You wanna know my
turd cutter's so nice?

Yoga, I got yoga arse.

Do you wanna do yoga sometime?

- Hell no, I don't do yoga.

- Gary, I don't care that
you killed your brother.

I mean, I don't care that you
messed up his pogey report.

You were only a kid, it
could've happened to anyone.

And I don't care that
my dad hates Gallants.

I think I love you, Gary.

YOu're so hot!

You're always on top stamps.

I'm just so glad my first
boyfriend's on pogey.

- Boyfriend, I
barely even like you!

You're just some strange girl
that walks onto my beach.

You know how many girls I
bang every summer, hundreds.

- But I thought--

- I don't care what you thought.

I used to be way more
awesomer before I met you.

You're a curse, a true CFA,
you're a curse from away.

- But I was the first
girl you screwed

that wasn't on pogey.

- You're just another
dune screw, Bethany.

- Gary!

[slow tense music]

- Hey, hey, hey!

How's she going now, Toronto?

- I don't think you're
gonna wanna be around me

if you're trying to be
the king of Pogey Beach.

Apparently I'm a curse.

- A curse, Jesus, has it
got that fucking desperate

around here or what?

What about doing some of
that there yoga stuff?

That'll get you
straightened out.

- I don't think
yoga will fix this.

- Well, there's usually
only two things that

will get me up when I'm down.

And one doesn't
include pants and

the other includes lots of cash.

- Cash?

- Cash.

[fun rhythmic music]

Me and Bethany got
hooked onto each other

fairly solid that summer.

Truth be told, I forgot
all about me mother

rotting away in that pogey jail.

That Pogey Beach
King contest bullshit

slipped my mind as well.

Bethany had enough weeks of
work to get her pogey going,

not a bad little claim.

Not top stamp but
not too shabby.

And she turned me onto the yoga.

That fucking fairly
relaxing stuff, that yoga.

And we taught each other
the finer things in life,

like how to cheat pogey by
keeping the cash jobs small

and off the radar.

Two pogey incomes goes
a long way in PEI.

Life couldn't be wickeder.

[slow lighthearted music]

- $65, not a bad little haul.

I can't believe we made
that much working under

the table in one day!

- That's just the
tip of the iceberg.

You just wait until
blueberry season fires up.

It's pretty good having a
little help around today too.

I barely even done fuck all.

Seen me sleeping in the car?

I didn't show up until 10.

- I fucking love
working for cash.

It gives me such a high!

I think I'm addicted to it.

- See, not many
experience this fucking

spiritual side of pogey.

- The spiritual side?

- Oh fuck yeah,
pogey's spiritual.

See, it's not all about the
money, it's about the freedom.

It's about being paid
not to work during

the best time of the year.

I don't fill out
the pogey report,

the pogey report fills out me.

Most evenings, usually
cut the boat loose,

go for a little sail,
pull meself to the sunset.

- You did the sunset?

- Hell yeah, usually
up there in the bow.

- What time is it?

I should probably get back soon.

Dad will be
wondering where I am.

- Time, time don't mean
nothing around here, Toronto.

We're on pogey, relax.

- I think I'm
starting to understand

the spiritual side of pogey.

- Now we, we may.

- That's my boy, all right.

I enjoyed pulling
myself at sunset too.

- What the fuck's
the matter with you?

You're moping around
like a limp prick

with your head hanging down.

- Nothing's the matter, Grammie.

- Here, get this into you.

- Not thirsty.

- Oh fuck, don't tell me
that you're even so sad

you can't drink anymore.

Is that little
bitch from Toronto?

- No.

- Still gonna go for King
of Pogey Beach this year

or did you quit that
fucking thing too?

- Oh, fuck it.

- I was king of Pogey
Beach for 26 years.

I had more than one
prick break my heart.

- [Gary] Really?

- Yeah, really.

Would you take your
fucking brother, Trent,

to the fucking beach?

- Take Trent to the beach.

- You know how fucking
annoying he can be

and he's driving
me fucking crazy.

I'll talk to your dad and
make sure that you got

that snow blowing
job this winter so

you can still draw your
pogey in the summer.

- You'd do that for me?

[inaudible]

Thanks, Grammie.

- And if I hear anything
more about that fucking

fish plant again, I'm gonna
throw up or throw a fit,

I don't know which.

- I can't blame you.

I'll beat the shit
out of him for you.

- Okay, well you make
sure you get him down

to the beach though,
for god's sake.

Get him out of
this fucking house.

- Okay, anything
for you, Grammie.

[fun lighthearted music]

- Hey, hey, hey.

Geez, we'll get five or six
bucks for this at a yard sale.

And here's another
10 cents to boot.

- I'm still feeling the
spiritual side of pogey but

five fucking bucks!

- What, you're not having
a good time ditch diving?

Jesus, we could be jammed
up in a [inaudible] somewhere.

In the summer, I got
stuck in the [inaudible]

solid for two days and the fire
department had to come down

and cut me out with
the jaws of life.

- Fucking Jesus.

- We got this here boot.

- One boot.

Who the fuck wants one boot?

- Well, let's hope some fella
out there's got the other one.

- It's garbage, Lyle.

- Ah, fuck, one man's garbage,
another man's treasure.

And we got this
antique golf club.

- Who wants an old golf club?

- Well, I'm hoping some golfer
out there's got a full set

but is missing the
fucking 3 wood.

And then you got
this here hairpiece.

Gem of the sea right
there, that hairpiece.

- Who's gonna wear a fucking
ditch wig, that's disgusting!

- That Ronnie's wife there
that does the cow patty

ornaments, Jesus, man,

she ain't got a hair
left in her head.

She'd fucking pay top
dollar for that one.

- Lyle, we've been
ditch diving all day,

getting bit by
fucking mosquitoes.

How much have we even made?

- Well, with all
this bounty here,

including the cans, it's
at least 28, 30 bucks.

- We made 60 bucks last time.

- That was a good fucking day.

Can't always have a $60 day.

- Look, I'm happy to be
combing for cans with you

but I thought when
I was on pogey,

I'd be making more than
a couple bucks an hour

under the table.

Let's go down to the loft and

rip off some stunned fucking
tourists or something.

- Stunned tourists, I suppose,

but you gotta rip off the
government, not the people.

- Let's just go back to the
trailer for a quick screw

or some shit, clear our minds.

- Well, we'll get at least
five more dollars cans.

- Do you wanna
screw or not, Lyle?

- Yes, I do.

[fun energetic music]

- Holy frank, this is bringing
back the memories, boys,

unreal.

Don't see a whole lot
of that at the plant.

- I bet you don't.

Hey Buffy, how's about
a beer with the king?

- I heard your pecker's taken.

- Did you think you
could've at least

brought the right kind of beer.

- What do you mean, this
craft brew's unreal,

I'm telling you,
this is the future.

- Hey, hey, Gary!

- Well, if it isn't
Johnny Mountain.

- Well, I haven't seen
you around for a while.

- You know how it is, Johnny.

Spraying my dick
up dune screwin.

- And how is everything?

You still cheating on the pogey?

- You know how it is.

- And who's this fella?

- That's Trent.

- How are ya now?

- Good, good, good.

Well, I'm just up
there in the dunes

working on my sand castle.

I thought I'd come
down and say hello.

Oh, look, if you got
any of them cash jobs,

keep me in the loop.

- You know I will,
Johnny, you're my boy!

- Hanging around the
pogey narcs now, are you?

Fucking [inaudible] tell
you that was a big no no.

- What the fuck are
you talking about?

- That's Ira MacAskill,
the pogey narc.

- Trent, your memory's
all fucked up from

staring at them
fish guts all day.

You don't know what
you're talking about.

That's Johnny Mountain.

- I'm telling you right
now, that's Ira MacAskill.

- Look, I knew it was a
mistake bringing you down here,

Trent, please just go
for a walk, please.

- Right on, thanks for
inviting me out, brother.

It's a nice change of
scenery, see you later.

- Anytime, Trent.

Johnny Mountain,
fucking pogey narc.

Trent.

[fun rhythmic music]

- Hey, what's going
on, how are yas?

Good day, how are you,
what are you doing?

What's shaking, good to see you.

[fun rhythmic music]
[beeping]

Fuck, Lyle MacDonald.

- Good day, there.

- Still doing the metal
detector, are you?

- And who might you be?

- Trent Gallant, you
must remember me.

Your father busted me and
your mother for pogey fraud

back in '96.

- Trent Gallant, you were
fucking railing me mother

back in '96, weren't you?

- No, no, that might've
been the rumor going around

but it wasn't me,

it was me father that
was railing your mother.

- Your father?

- Yes, my father,
Emmett Gallant.

Him and your dad used
to be good buddies.

Listen, speaking
of fathers here,

I seen your father
today on the beach.

- My father on
this fucking beach?

- Yeah, said he was building
a sand castle in the dunes.

Sounds like something
a pogey narc would say.

Listen, tell him Trent
Gallant says thanks, will ya!

- Well, holy moly, by golly.

Well those two there, they're
working it pretty hard.

My god, I don't think
some of those girls

have had a decent job in years.

I don't know how
they're collecting.

- Man, what the fuck.

- Oh, well, just out
doing some bird watching.

Yeah, it's the piping
plovers are out.

- Piping plovers my ass!

You were down here fucking
pogey narcing again,

weren't you?

- I haven't done any
pogey narcing since

that problem with your mother!

- Mother, if my mother
hadn't been working for cash

all those fucking years at
the wharf slinging beach

while you were out spending
all our fucking money

on them ponies.

- Well, what do
you want me to do?

- Fly the fucking out of here!

- Well, why don't you fly
the fucking out of here?

You want a piece of me?

I thought I taught you that
lesson when you were 20.

- You're gonna put my fucking
friends in fucking pogey jail!

Like you did me fucking mother!

- Well, I think I might!

Look, and I'm gonna
tell you another thing,

your mother deserved
everything she got!

- Go fuck yourself, I loved her!

- Yeah, sure you did!

Yeah, you and half
of Cadence County!

- [Lyle] Seeing me
dad down on the beach

really sent me sideways,

but Bethany, she had
other ideas in her arse.

- Come on, Lyle, there's
cash to be made out there!

We're god damned stunned
arse holes if we don't

get out there and get
a snap of that action!

- Simmer down.

We may as well
sit around, relax,

and enjoy the fucking day
like everybody else in Pogey.

- Relax, summer's
almost fucking over!

Come on, I got the ultimate
score all worked out.

It's an unreal
cock sucking idea!

Don't you wanna hear about it?

- I've got enough on me
fucking plate for today.

- Well, it's better than
scrounging around for bottles

and selling lobster
traps, for fuck sakes!

[inaudible]

We can get drunk on
shine and screw after.

Working cash gives
me a fire in my bird

like you wouldn't believe.

- Jesus!

Kind of gets me
fired up too but, no,

there's plenty of
other fucking days

that we can go out
and work for cash.

Me body needs a fucking break.

- Oh, suck a dick
then, you old fuck!

Maybe I'll find someone who
will work for cash with me.

- Fuck.

Don't go to that fucking
beach today, man.

There's a pogey narc down
there fucking narcing us out.

- Fuck you, Lyle.

I thought you understood
the spiritual side of pogey.

Maybe the real
king of Pogey Beach

will wanna work cash with me.

- I just fucking said I
didn't wanna work cash today.

- I'm talking about Gary
Gallant, you fucking goof!

- Gary Gallant.

Hey, make sure you save
me them bottles and cans

if you're scavenger today.

Come on.

Man, I'm telling you,
this fucking narc has

staked the claim on Pogey Beach.

And with all these
pogey bums around here,

he ain't gonna stop until
they're all caught up.

You gotta shut her down.

- Keep your god damn
voice down, Lyle.

What proof do you have
that there's a pogey narc

at the beach anyway?

I'm not gonna shut
the whole beach down

on some wild pogey hunch.

- All this fella does
is eat, sleep, shit,

get drunk, and
catch pogey cheats.

- Yeah, but if I
shut the beach down,

who's gonna pay my salary?

You know I depend on the cans
around here to make a living.

Ah geez, look what
you went and did.

Why aren't you
enjoying yourselves?

- We're looking for work.

Any good jobs in the
paper there, boys?

- Oh, there's some
wicked jobs in here.

I fucking love looking for work.

- Listen, the beach is
safe, there's no pogey narc.

Drink, dune screw,
shit wherever you want,

just have a great time.

Come on, drop the
want ads, please.

See, the beach is safe.

Are you done with these cans?

- All yours.

- I appreciate
your concern, Lyle,

but we're crowning the king
of Pogey Beach this weekend.

Gonna be the busiest
time of the summer.

I suggest you enjoy yourself.

- I will.

- Yes, yes, it's
gonna be a great time.

[knocking]

- Bethany, I need
to talk to you.

Bethany, Bethany!

You little bugger, Bethany,
stop being such a little brat.

Bethany!

[knocking]

Bethany!

Where are you?

Toronto, why did
I ever leave you?

Oh right, the skank.

[soft serene music]

[scary tense music]

[inaudible] 3:00 am.

Intel, three
whippersnappers, five rakes.

Billy, what is...

The cash job.

What the hell is going on,
Ira, you incompetent boob!

When are you gonna
make a bust, huh?

My fish plant is
about to go under and

my daughter is about
to do a cash job!

- Well, well sir,
she is on pogey.

Maybe she's looking for top up.

- Bethany is on
unemployment insurance?

- Yes, it's all part of my
total undercover package.

- You were supposed
to protect her from

those lazy heathens, you idiot!

Now she's gone and done
god knows what with

that Gallant scum!

She's disappeared!

- It's just a
little pogey fraud.

I mean, what's the harm, really?

- What's the harm, really!

Did you go in too deep, did you?

- No, no, no, not too deep.

I'm just at the shallow
end of the pool.

- Well, if it's too late
to save my daughter then

perhaps I can save
my fish plant.

If you're not ready,
willing, and able to

hand over that evidence, I will.

Give it to me.

- Well, do you think
I carry evidence of

unemployment insurance fraud
everywhere I go, do you?

- Ira!

[horns trumpeting]

I've been too hard on you.

You've done some
really good work, Ira.

Look, I wonder what the
ponies are doing tonight, huh.

- Well, I imagine they're
running in Summerside.

- Oh, I imagine that too.

Well, you deserve
to take a break.

- I always like taking a break.

[laughing]

Thank you.

- On me.

- Well, I always like being
treated on someone else.

- [Lyle] So while dad
was betting all his money

on them ponies, Winslow
took Bethany's cash job plan

and all the pogey fraud
evidence dad got at the beach

straight to the pogey chief.

- Pogey fraud, pogey fraud.

- [Lyle] What a fucking
greasy trick that was.

[laughing]

- Lockwood.

- Like we're gonna go
do a cash job with you.

You fucking ditched
us all summer.

- Got a little pogey
cock in you and

then you think you're too
good for your friends.

Real fucking classy.

- Fuck, I've been moaning
about these massive memories

all fucking summer.

- Turkey Tits put a ring on
it and you didn't even know.

- Anyways, you were saying.

- I met this guy
down by the wharf.

He's got a friend
who's got a cousin

with this whippersnapper gig.

- Boys, I don't know, we
should be freaking careful--

- Turkey Tits, just mind
your business, please!

This guy knows a guy who
takes care of all the lawns

outside the federal
government buildings.

- Where's this going down?

- Here's the wickedest
part, Service Canada.

- Pogey fraud headquarters.

- You've gone fucking goofy.

- No one would suspect it.

Think of the freaking rush!

I've been planning it
for a god damn week!

- It makes my cock hard
just thinking about it.

- Guys, let's leave
these fucking goofballs

to their suicide mission.

- Get the Jesus out of here.

- Let's go to the fucking beach.

- Chicken shits.

- This is never gonna work
with just the two of us.

We need at least a third guy.

And I know just the
beard for the job.

- All right, lock and load.

- What did you bring that for?

I thought we were just
whippersnapping, in and out.

I didn't know we were
planting a fucking flower bed.

- If I hear anymore pussy
footing from another

supposed king of Pogey Beach,
I'm gonna fucking puke!

- Look, guys, I think
I got a charlie horse

in my right thigh, it's an
old track and field injury.

Look, I think we
better call this off.

- Great, another old fuck!

Guys, we're on the clock, three
hours, let's do this shit!

[fun exciting music]

[laughing]

- Narc, narc!

Narc!

- Don't move!

You're all under
arrest for pogey fraud!

- God damn [inaudible] ground!

Cocksucker.

- Gary, I think we
should call this off.

I got a bad feeling.

- You get the nerves, I
still get them too, buddy.

I got a pill for the stormy
shits if you need one.

- [Ira] No, no, it's
not the stormy shits.

I just know this is
gonna go tits up.

- [Gary] How do you
damn well know that?

- Well, because,
because, well...

Gary.

[fun exciting music]

Gary, I got something
to tell you.

Gary.

I'm the pogey narc!

- You're what?

I'll kill you.

- Down on the ground!

- Drop that [inaudible]!

- Gary!

- Bethany!

- You're going to fucking
pogey jail, little girl!

- Gary, it's too late,
she's all ready dead.

You gotta run for
it, go, son, get!

Gary, I still love you!

- Go fuck yourself!

- Gary!

Fucking arse hole!

Get your god damn greasy
paws off me, you fucks!

[screaming]

- Under arrest for pogey fraud!

- No, leave him, he's
looking for work.

- Pogey gods, help us to Jesus.

[screaming]

- A raid on Pogey
Beach has resulted

in the arrest of
dozens of pogey cheats.

They'll all be serving life
sentences at the fish plant

commonly known as pogey jail.

This man, Gary Gallant, of
the prominent Gallant pogey

family, is currently on the run,

facing charges of pogey fraud.

If you see this man,

please contact pogey fraud
division immediately.

Do not approach this man as
he's considered to be drunk

and extremely horny.

- I told him there was
a pogey narc there.

Ira MacAskill, you must
remember him, eh, dad?

- Trent, we do not mention
Ira MacAskill's name

in this house.

- I don't know why the fuck not.

Ira MacAskill, you were
banging his wife like

a bass drummer in the attic.

Anyplace you could bang
her, you were banging her.

- Good to get the extra bodies
in the plant though, eh.

A few extra bodies to have
a laugh with and stuff.

- Shut the fuck up.

Don't you know that's your
brother you're talking about,

you working job hunting bastard.

- Take your hands off my
dick, you fucking pervert!

- Daddy!

- Daddy.

I thought it was dad.

Take her away.

- No!

- Bitch, you're a cock
sucking [inaudible].

- Tell my parents I love them!

- [Man] Let's go.

- Oh boy, no king of pogey
beach pageant this year.

Oh, the whole economy's
gonna go in the toilet.

The town's gonna
probably shut down.

There won't be any cans,
probably gonna starve this winter.

Oh, Jesus.

- Mayor Beargin?

- Yes?

- I just found out that
you knew that there

was a narc on the beach.

You knew that it
was dangerous and

you let people
dune screw anyway.

And now my boy, Turkey
Tits, is dead and

there's nothing you
can do about it.

He got a life sentence
at the fish plant.

I wanted you to know that.

Fuck you.

- Holy fuck, you look like
shit, just look at you.

What the fuck do you want?

- I got no money, my
pogey's been cut off.

- You're a fugitive
from the law,

there's no fucking
way I can help you.

You killed your brother, Trent,

and now you killed Pogey Beach.

The last thing I'm
gonna let you do is kill

the whole fucking family.

This is all I can do for you.

Look, there's 12
empties in there,

you might get 70 fucking cents.

And I'm turning my arse on you.

Another fucking arse hole.

[deep tense music]

♪ Oh, when your questions can
only be answered in time ♪

♪ It's always been the
hardest part to say goodbye ♪

♪ And you look around this
crowded room feeling shit ♪

♪ Go back to that same room
now and no one's there ♪

♪ Two of us brought
us all to tears ♪

♪ And together, oh,
for the last time ♪

♪ Oh, thinking about the years

♪ As time goes back to you

♪ Oh, thinking about the years

♪ When will we meet again?

♪ Oh, thinking about the years

♪ My mind goes back there too

♪ Oh, thinking about the years

- Here are your tickets.

- Thanks, buddy.

- I also got rubbers for
sale, a buck a piece, cash.

This fella here,
he may want two.

- I always double
bag her, buddy.

- For the tenth time,

stop selling those
rubbers for cash, Lyle.

Good day, good day.

- Well, well, well, if
it isn't Lyle MacDonald.

I heard you're working
down here at the drive in

under the table, Lyle,

I just had to come down and
see it with my own eyes.

- Yeah, not under the
table, over the table.

I'm claiming this shit.

- You're claiming this
on your pogey report?

- It ain't that
bad, to be honest.

I'm making $10 an hour.

- I never thought I'd see the
day that you would go legit.

- And they don't just
have me working here,

I'm usually up at the canteen.

At the end of the night,
I get a garbage bag

full of popcorn,
they got free pop.

- Holy fuck, Lyle,
you've hit rock bottom.

- Speaking of rock bottom,

I hear you're a
fugitive of the law.

- Yeah, because of
your betraying old man.

If I ever get my hands
on that old quiff,

I'll give him a good thrashing.

- I'd like to give that old
quiff a good thrashing myself.

- Yup.

- Morning, boys!

- I told you you were a
new dad to me, you prick!

- And you went and narced
me fucking girlfriend!

- She's my girlfriend.

- She's mine, I
fucking love her.

- I love her.

- Now boys, I know
you're both upset and

you have every reason to be.

And now I've done some narcing
for that Lockwood fella,

but it was him who
turned in the evidence.

- Bullshit.

- Well look, he gave a reward,
it's all yours, take it.

[laughing]

I guess I lost a little
on the ponies last night.

Yeah, that horse cock
Hannibal, he's due, he's due.

No, no, no, no,
before you kill me,

I think you better
listen to something.

Now just a moment.

[laughing]

[farting]

I better fast forward that.

- [Trudi] So they both
wanted to go bare pole

the first time?

- [Bethany] I took the
rubber off and made screw.

Sex felt way
wickeder without it.

- [Trudi] Yeah, way wickeder.

- [Bethany] I can't
believe I'm pregnant.

And I don't know if the
father's Gary or Lyle.

- Gary Gallant's
gonna be a daddy!

- Fuck, it was me
who knocked her up.

- Lyle, my dick's way
better than yours.

I pumped my demon
seed way up in those

virgin fallopian tubes.

- No, no, I've been eating
oysters all fucking week,

boys, by the pack.

It's me that's holding
the good stuff, boys.

- All right, now,
boys, boys, look.

We gotta save my grandson
from growing up in pogey town.

Look, I gotta do
this for my sons.

- I don't wanna be
this cunt's son!

- Yeah, me neither,
you lied to me.

You told us you
couldn't even have kids

with your poisoned
pesticide sack.

- Pesticides?

Poisoned sack.

Oh, I got a plan,
I got a great plan!

[exciting inspiring music]

[laughing]

Oh, drink up, little
fishies, drink up.

Open your little mouths.

Bye little [inaudible].

- [Reporter] And breaking news,

a massive fish kill
has wiped out all

the fish in the north
of Prince Edward Island.

- Yo, fisherman, where
are all the fish?

I've got a plant full of
workers doing nothing.

- Are you fucked, cone head?

There's no fish out there.

Pesticide run off from
them fucking farmers.

- Pesticide run off?

- Yeah, no bumper zones.

We told them to go organic,
they wouldn't listen.

See how they like it
when there's no fucking

lobster for Mother's
Day next year.

- The fish plant,
AKA pogey jail,

will now be forced to lay
off all 27 of it's workers.

Lucky fucks.

- What does that mean?

- It means we all get our pogey!

[cheering]

- No, the fish will come back!

The fish will come back!

- See ya, dad.

- Bethany!

- Pogey, I don't
wanna go on pogey.

- Fucking finally!

- About fucking time we
got you out of there.

- Thank you, son,
you finally saved me.

- Well, like fuck, it was him.

- Well, what's the
matter with you then,

fucking around in Calvary,
chasing after whores,

buying sports cars and
carrying on like an arse hole?

We're gonna have a
dinner tonight, son,

it's gonna be a family
dinner, I'd like you to come.

I love you.

And don't be fucking late!

- I love you too, mom.

- Did you guys do this?

- Yeah, we might've had a
little something to do with it.

- Okay, I have to tell you
guys something important.

I'm pregnant.

- Yeah, I was the one
that knocked you up.

- Like fuck, it was me, Lyle!

- Like fuck, it was me, Gary!

- I'm the one that
screwed her first.

Her ovaries are
carrying my baby!

- Eh, fuck, she wasn't
carrying anything of yours

when I hooked onto her.

- Well, how the fuck
does my dick taste?

- Who said anything about
going down on her, come on.

[fun rock music]

And that right
there's how we saved

everyone from pogey jail.

- The fishermen versus
farmer war lasted a decade.

The lobster and the fish
eventually came back

after a few years.

The potato farmers went organic,

we moved the pogey
jail to Moncton.

- That dirty little asshole.

- So who's the real
king of Pogey Beach?

- We got the beach back.

- [Lyle] Yeah, we got a good
stamp of her, that's for sure.

- [Gary] I love this beach.

- Thank you, lads, you
both saved Pogey Beach.

You're kings in my book.

Maybe you should hang onto that.

And look at the cans!

I'm gonna eat well this winter.

- Bethany, Bethany!

- Hi, dad.

- What are you doing back
down in this fucking beach?

- Celebrating.

- Celebrating, I'm ruined!

- I'm pregnant.

- Oh god, not my little girl!

- And you're just gonna
have to accept it, dad.

- Accept what?

- That you're gonna
be grandad, dad.

I've decided to stay on
PEI and have the baby.

I'm gonna get some pretty
good maternity pogey.

- Maternity pogey?

Which one of you
no good pogey bums

knocked up my little girl?

- That was me!

- Like fuck, it was me!

- Ah, fuck, it was me, Gary!

- Well you messed with
the wrong little girl!

She used to be pure but

now she's carrying
one of your filth!

- I'll impregnate you right now!

- You no good bogey
sons of bitches!

- What I don't get is
how did mom get pregnant

by both my dads,
that's impossible.

- I'm your biological
father, top stamp.

- Uncle Trent!

- Yeah, Uncle Trent and
your mom had a little romp

there when she worked at
the fish plant, you see.

- Oh yeah, quite the morning
break that was, boys,

I'll tell yas.

- Our sperm's a lot like
us, they don't work at all.

It's Trent here with all
the working man seed.

- [Gary] We couldn't let
a working man raise you,

we had to raise
you the right way.

- The pogey way.

- Good day, good day, good day.

What's all the fucking
stir tonight, boys.

- Bethany.

- Hey, mom!

- Hey, hey, hey!

- Snap back 2000 slinging
bait at the wharf.

Not a bad little haul.

- I got $4,900 my first pogey
check, not too shabby, eh?

That fourth question
was a tricky fucker.

- I'm so freaking proud
of you, top stamp.

- I sure did learn a
lot today, thanks dads.

- You're a real
Gallant now, boy.

- MacDonald.

- You want a beer, dad?

Dad?

- Here, put that in his mitts.

- Grampie.

- A cheers to Top Stamp
keeping the PEI pogey

tradition alive.

- Cheers.

- Now let's get shittered!

- [Trent] I can't get shittered,

I got the night shift
at the turnip plant.

- Damn you, Pogey Beach!

Skanks.

[fun rock music]

♪ Losing my job was
a bad sensation ♪

♪ I thought that I could
use a good vacation ♪

♪ Found a place where
all the girls go ♪

♪ Now I'm drawing top
stamp and they love me so ♪

♪ You bring the bottle,
I'll bring the hooch ♪

♪ You can kick off your shoes
but keep on your boots ♪

♪ Because looking for work
is a full time job, kids ♪

♪ Ask anyone, ask
Premiere Rob Ghiz ♪

♪ Pogey Beach,
everybody loves you ♪

♪ Pogey Beach, everybody goes ♪

♪ Pogey Beach, give me the
money and set me free ♪

♪ On Pogey Beach ♪

♪ No, no, no, yes, no ♪

♪ No, no, no, yes, no ♪

♪ I've been to Cavendish,
Brackley and Keppoch ♪

♪ Basin Head ain't
no where as epic ♪

♪ As this one place on
Prince Edward Island ♪

♪ Takes five weeks, you
better start filing ♪

♪ Pogey Beach,
everybody loves you ♪

♪ Pogey Beach,
everybody knows you ♪

♪ Pogey Beach, give me the
money and set me free ♪

♪ Pogey Beach,
everybody loves you ♪

♪ Pogey Beach, everybody goes ♪

♪ Pogey Beach, give me the
money and set me free ♪

♪ Pogey Beach,
everybody loves you ♪

♪ Pogey Beach, everybody goes ♪

♪ Pogey Beach, give me the
money and set me free ♪

♪ On Pogey Beach ♪

♪ Ah, Jesus ♪