Original subtitles

[deep rhythmic music]

[fire cackling]

- Dads, dads, it finally came, my first pogey check.

4,900 bucks, I thought I had top stamp.

What the fuck is this shit?

- Watch your lip, boy!

Your great grammy would kick your ass

if she heard you talking like that.

- Do you know how much top fucking stamp was

when she was your age?

- Barely enough to buy a decent shit box.

- Barely, you're lucky to have that fucking pogey check.

- Sorry, dads, I just wanna be the king of pogey beach,

just like you and grammy, and grampy, and great grampy,

and great great grampy.

- We almost lost pogey beach once.

- What a fucking story that was.

- What happened, dads?

- It's funny you should ask.

It's how you came in the world, top stamp.

- Today's the day to get her in, dear.

I'll start her off.

- Like hell you will, I'll be telling this one.

- You're all bullshit and fucking lies but have at it.

- I'll need something cold, delicious.

Pass that to that asshole over there.

[inaudible]

Just a nip.

- I shit meself earlier and I couldn't [inaudible].

- Once upon a fucking time.

[fun exciting music]

It was going to be another awesome as hell summer

on Pogey freaking Beach. [barking]

Getting paid by the government to drink the pine,

do screw, and do sweet fuck all.

Pogey Beach was a safe haven for all

the gainfully unemployed.

To live the good life, all you had to do was fill out

your pogey report with the five magical words.

That fourth question's a tricky fucker.

The pogey narcs were too scared to come to the beach

to catch us pogey cheaters.

See, when you're on pogey,

you're supposed to be looking for work.

But why the fuck would you do that?

Every day feels like Saturday when you're on pogey.

Me and the boys ran that beach, greasers.

It was hard to tell what was more full of shit,

his greasy crack or his big fucking mouth.

- I swear I saw an alien one summer.

I'm telling you, Gary, I fucked a mermaid.

Man, what a fight, it was unreal!

Right in the window, a little fella waving at me,

swear to god.

Couldn't kiss worth a fuck because of fish lips,

but the head, un-fucking-real.

I thought one of my nuts was gonna

shoot right out of my ears.

Knuckles dragging, people's spitting, biting too

when cops called.

She got the best of me big time.

She works in town now, Darlene.

- [Man] Fruit Eyes, the only thing bigger than his

bulging eyes was the bulge in his short.

What a fucking waste.

Even hanging around with me, the king,

this guy couldn't get laid to save his fucking life.

It was hard to say who had the best boobs on the beach,

Cousin Trudi or my buddy, Turkey Tits.

And then there's me, Gary freaking Gallant.

I won the king of Pogey Beach competition

eight years running.

All the ladies on that beach wanted a piece of me

and everyone else answered to the king.

Well, well, what have we got here, Greasy Arse?

- Stupid fucking pogey rookie hiding in the dunes.

- All pogey rookies have to pay their dues to the king.

- I can offer a case of delicious local craft beer

and a sandwich.

- You twisted fuck!

- Three dirty rotten beers and have a truck stop sandwich.

- What's the punishment, boys?

- Please, I won't make the same mistake again, I promise.

- Oh, we know you won't, bend over, big boy.

- [yelling] - [Man] Ah, fuck!

- [Man] Jesus, this is gonna be all about you or what?

There was me, Lyle MacDonald.

[fun exciting music]

I was just landing back from working that

oil patch in Alberta.

Never had time for that king of

Pogey Beach contest bullshit.

Being a pogey ain't supposed to be a contest,

it's a state of mind.

For me, drawing top stamp pogey was the closest thing

you'll ever get to god.

And I kept meself busy collecting cans for cash,

under the freaking table, of course.

And I never hit the beach without my steal toed boots on.

You gotta look like you're looking for work

when you're cheating the pogey.

Not like them geezing Gallants.

MacDonald's and Gallant's are a lot like oil and water,

they don't get along at all.

As long as we stayed on our own sides of the beach,

life couldn't be sweeter.

Little did we know the girl from away was

gonna change the beach forever.

- Bloody confusing Prince Edward Island roads.

God damn GPS.

- [GPS] 48 roads.

- I said Route 6, not the 48 Road!

- [GPS] 48 Road.

- No, stop!

- You don't have to have a temper tantrum, daddy.

My book says PEI is known for people being

kind to strangers.

- I'm not having a temper tantrum, sweetie.

This place is as hard to navigate as Montreal,

don't you think, sweetie?

Well, you, you were sleeping, weren't you?

Slept all the way here.

Your mother was like that too, skank.

Your mother, not you.

[fun rhythmic music]

[tires squealing]

- Hey, hey, hey, you's look a little lost in paradise.

- No, no, no, we're just out getting some fresh air,

thank you.

- Fresh air, my arse.

You two look more lost than a blind man in a snowstorm.

Just landed from Ontario by the looks

of the plate [inaudible].

- Yes, Toronto, actually.

- Toronto, I just got back from out west me self.

Out there working in the oil patch,

working my nuts off, see.

- We're looking for 46 Pogey Beach Road.

- Jesus, yes, that's only a hop, skip, and a jump away.

I'll take you there, follow me.

- Thank you.

- But it will cost you, directions are $1.

Shit yeah.

Follow me smoke, Toronto!

[engine revving]

[tires squealing]

- Wait, where are we?

- Just follow the smoke, daddy.

[soft peaceful music]

- [Lyle] Well, now, this is their car there,

pulling into the driveway of their new house.

- [Gary] Jesus, shut the fuck up, Lyle.

Honestly, if you're gonna tell the story,

you're gonna have to come up with

something better than that.

- [Lyle] Holy fuck, that's some house.

- Bethany, welcome to our new island home.

- Wish we didn't have to leave Toronto.

- Me, too, honey but we've been over this.

Daddy bought a fish plant, remember?

This island is gonna be a fresh start for both of us.

You know, on Sundays,

I'm gonna let you play your music loud.

- I wish mom was here.

- Oh, the rotten bitch!

- Daddy!

- Honey, your mother abandoned us to continue

fornicating with that 27 year old little prick golf pro!

Remember?

- Daddy, how could I forget?

Caught him sticking his you know what

in her you know what.

- Oh god, no.

- And then taking it out and sticking it in

her other you know what.

- Skank!

- Daddy!

- Look, it's just daddy and his little princess now, okay.

Let's go have a look inside, huh.

[soft peaceful music]

[knocking]

Bethany!

- Daddy, that's not how knocking works.

- Sweetie, we've got a no closed door policy now.

Your mother, skank, she liked closing doors

and we both know how that turned out, don't we?

Besides, I've got a surprise for you, come on.

No peeking, Bethany, okay, and stop.

Open, look!

Our very own beach!

- This is our beach?

- Yeah, it's all ours!

- I hope I can make friends here.

- Bethany, you are the most wonderful, sweetest,

intelligent girl, you'll have no trouble making friends.

But no bloody boys!

- Daddy, I'm 19, every girl my age does stuff with boys.

- I don't want these defeatist Maritimers

putting their hands on you!

- Daddy, all Canadians are equal.

- That's a nice thought but it's not true.

You are genetically superior, sweetie.

I have heard that Prince Edward Islanders are

the hardest working people in the country.

Strong backs, dull minds, perfect for menial work.

Sweetie, why don't you put on your bathing attire

and head on down to the beach?

Test out the waters for us.

- Whatever you say, daddy.

- And if anyone gives you any trouble at all,

you just tell them you're from Toronto.

I'm sure they'll know their place.

[sighing]

Perfect!

What the...

Oh, it's still warm.

Oh no.

[fun playful music]

- Looks like somebody forgot to pick up after their dog.

There's a little piece of shit right in our spot.

- Oh, sorry.

It's actually my first day on PEI,

I didn't know there was designated--

- The CFA, huh?

- Oh, I'm not CFA.

Yes, I come from away, I'm from Toronto.

- Told ya, I can smell a CFA from across the beach.

- Yeah, because they smell like fucking shit.

What do you say we beat the bejesus out of her.

- Hold her down, I'm gonna spit in her mouth.

- Jesus, girls, simmer the fuck down.

Where is your manners?

What's your name, CFA?

- I'm Bethany, Bethany Lockwood.

- Trudi, Trudi Gallant.

- My daddy and I just moved into that

beach house over there.

- Who's your father, Bethany?

- Daddy's name's Winslow Lockwood.

- We're going on a cockabout, wanna join?

- Sure.

- Okay, peel out of that contraption.

Let's see your bikini.

- This is my bathing suit.

- I'm on the rag and bloated as fuck and

I'm still wearing a bikini.

- Fuck, clam bake, enough with the excuses,

you're just a fatty.

- Look at the fucking tits on Trudi, boys.

Holy fuck, she'd feed a whole fucking village

of babies with those bad boys.

The milk they could hold!

- Oh easy, Greasy, that's my cousin.

- I know, man, but I'm just saying.

Say if that village got hit by a bomb and

every cocksucker there died except Trudi and

all the babies.

Not one baby would suffer!

- What is it with you and milk, Greasy?

Every time we talk about tits,

it's like you were weened way too early.

- Fuck no, man, I sucked til I was near preteen.

Can't you fucking tell?

- What do you girls do?

- We work for the government,

they pay us to tan and get shittered.

- No, thank you, daddy doesn't let me drink beer.

- No, you're on Pogey Beach,

you gotta at least look like you're drinking.

Now, let me give you the rundown on all the action here.

Over here, you got your pogey rookies,

a bunch of stunned, limp dick ars holes.

- No, there's no [inaudible].

- Bottom stamps, not worth your tits or your time.

- Bottom stamps, what's that?

- Worst pogey you could get, just a sniff above welfare.

- Can I bum a dart off you?

- No, you ain't getting a smoke off me.

- Over here, these fucking losers are on disability pogey,

too lazy to get 16 weeks to qualify.

- I'm on the stress leave now.

- And yoU can't get them up over the dune anyways

for a decent screw because they're just hobbling all around.

- Look at Turkey Tits,

I think he put on a whole cup size since last summer.

He could feed a village of children with those.

- You're fucked.

- Who's that?

- That is Gary Gallant.

He's the king of Pogey Beach.

Top stamp every summer, and I'm serious,

if he wasn't my first cousin,

I'd of taken a run at him years ago.

- He's kind of cute.

- Bethany, are you getting a fire in

your old bird all ready?

- Boys, that Clam Bake could take my tartar sauce

any day of the week.

- Who the fuck would want your rotten old tartar sauce?

- Geez, boys, who's the rough looking one.

Look at the glasses on her.

My fucking nut sack is fiercely loose,

balls running away from it.

- She must be new around here.

A little rough around the edges but

may as well introduce myself.

- You want a hand?

- What, jerking me off?

- Oh fuck, Gary's coming.

Bethany, follow my lead.

Clam Bake!

- Yeah.

- Keep your mouth shut.

- What's going on, ladies?

- Oh you know, just living the dream.

- Never seen you before.

- I'm Bethany, I just moved here.

- Yeah, what's with the getup?

What are you doing reading books at the beach?

- Well, I'm going to university in the fall.

Where do you work?

- I work for the government, they pay me to drink.

- And they pay the girls to tan and get shitted?

PEI is so different from Ontario.

- That's because Ontario's a fucking shit hole.

So ladies, drive in later.

- Fucking right.

- What about you?

- I'll have to ask daddy first.

- No, no, we're all coming.

- Hey, it's your lucky day, wanna finish my beer?

- Okay.

- Tramps, Bethany.

- Bethany, he's fucking hard for you.

You're coming.

- Daddy doesn't let me go to drive in movies.

- Fuck that shit, tell him it's a sleepover or something.

- Daddy doesn't let me to go to sleepovers either.

- Oh, Jesus.

- Well, look at you, Alberta hasn't changed you one bit.

You don't look like a fucking weirdo at all.

- A weirdo?

I've been pulling in three grand a week up there

trucking at Fort Mack.

Fucking saved up damn near most of it and

I'm here to buy your freedom to get you

out of this god forsaken pogey jail.

- So you finally saved some of that filthy oil money.

I'm surprised you didn't spend it on whores and liquor

like you usually do!

- [Lyle] See, me mother wasn't always the so full of the

milk of human kindness.

Before she got thrown into that pogey jail,

she was an angel.

- [Son] Wait, Grammie was in jail?

- [Lyle] I didn't say jail, I said pogey jail.

That's what we called that fish plant, you see,

that hellish prison of full time employment.

When you get caught cheating the pogey,

that's where you landed.

- So I'm getting out today?

- Not quite exactly.

See, we were celebrating last night up at Chucky's there

and fucking got a little too full

and the briefcase with the 25 grand in there

is under the pool table.

So, we're getting out of here first thing tomorrow.

- Tomorrow, I've been waiting for 20 fucking years

for you to do something about this!

What do you mean tomorrow?

- What's one more fucking day, Jesus?

- One more day, can't you smell the fish guts

and the stink all over us all?

I'm dying in here, Lyle.

You gotta get me out.

- Well, it don't smell like roses but

I've seen a lot fucking worse.

- Where are all the workers?

- Where are all the workers?

We had half as many yesterday.

I picked up that guy hitchhiking this morning.

- But PEI has the highest unemployment rate

in the country, you'd think people would be begging

to work here.

- We're lucky we got the imported workers from Russia

or only Trent would be working.

- What could possibly be keeping them from

such lucrative positions?

- There's a guy in the break room,

he wants to talk about buying his mother's freedom.

- Buying his mother's freedom!

- I'm sorry, son, I know you're doing your best.

- Thank you, yeah, one day at a time.

- Yeah, so I suppose that means I'll be out

by fucking Tuesday!

- Wednesday-ish, no later than Friday.

- Bullshit!

- Come on.

- What's this about someone looking

to buy someone's freedom?

- I'm looking for Stanley fucking McKinnon.

- Stanley McKinnon moved to Moncton.

I own this fish plant now.

- And who in the fuck are you?

- I'm Winslow Lockwood, I'm from Toronto.

- Toronto.

Is that something fucking special?

I'm supposed to drop down in one knee and suck you off?

- Is that a traditional island greeting?

- Tends to be.

Wait, now you're that bald headed cocksucker

I gave fucking directions to earlier.

I got 25 fucking grand of dirty Alberta money

that's gonna be here tomorrow, eh, Wednesday,

Friday at the fucking latest.

- I'm sorry, I can't afford to lose anymore workers.

You had a deal with Stanley McKinnon.

He lives in Moncton now.

- But I gave you them directions there.

You'd still be twittling your fucking bag

[inaudible] road if I hadn't!

- You're full of fucking broken promises,

just like your fucking father!

Let go of me!

You gotta win the king of Pogey Beach for me, son!

You gotta do that for your mother.

It's the only way I can stay alive in here.

Do it for your mother.

Hey, let go of me!

Take your fucking hands off me!

You can't take me back there!

No, I can't live like this.

- I'll win that fucking crown for you, mom, come on!

- If anyone knows anything about the employment insurance,

it would be the legendary Gallant family of Pogey Beach.

They've built their empire collected EI for over 70 years.

Even their horses and barn cats collect pogey.

- Okay, daddy, my new PEI friends will be here soon.

- Huh, well, where are you going?

- I told you, we're going to study together.

- Oh, forgive me, sweetie.

I've just been wrapped up in my own bologna.

- Oh, what's wrong.

Did you forget to take your ulcer medicine?

- No, no, no, it's not my ulcers,

it's this damn fish plant I bought.

There doesn't seem to be enough workers.

And here we are in the middle of Gallant country

with about a million of them,

and they're too damn lazy to work!

- Everything will be fine, daddy.

It's only our first day on PEI and

I've all ready made new friends.

- New friends, wonderful!

See, I knew you would!

[fun exciting music]

- Yeah, boys, I get god awful horny, man.

But sometimes it's holding hands,

that's all a fellow needs.

- Oh yeah, I freaking love it, boys.

Just sitting around,

she's got her hand on your limp pecker,

you're watching TV, looking at the stars.

Sometimes you don't even really want anything else.

- No, you wouldn't.

- Those big flash bags got my mouth watering, man.

- Frig off boys, I'm down to a freaking C cup this year.

- You think Fruit Eyes is good at tongue kissing?

Because if he's no good at French,

he's not going anywhere near my boobs.

- As long as a man is willing to lick me clean,

I'm good to go.

- Jesus Christ, shut the fuck up, Clam Bake.

Nobody wants to hear about somebody munching

on your old swamp twat.

Anyways, you don't want a guy with a job.

They never have any time for you.

They're always working.

- I've never really been with a guy before.

- Okay but wait, how many guys have you blowed?

- Blowed, like.

[exhaling]

- How many guys have you pulled, you know, hand job?

69, back door?

Cleveland steamer?

- I've never even kissed a guy before.

- Oh, Jesus.

- My way.

- There we go, never did see someone so beautiful

in my whole fucking life.

Get your fucking frosted tips out of my god damn mirror.

Steely blue eyes, dreamy Superman curl,

eyebrows like a monkey's arse hole.

Face like a half chewed caramel.

Savage.

- But I really wanna learn about boys.

Can you guys teach me?

- Okay, first thing's first, scientific fact,

boys on Pogey have way bigger wieners.

- Like at least an inch bigger.

- If I can't get both hands on the shaft,

I don't even bother.

- And bigger dicks are way more wickider.

They can get it in real deep and hit all the hot spots

and make you twitch,

and your eyes roll back in your head.

- Boys on Pogey have more time to practice

all their screwing moves.

- You're a virgin so you may as well get

the thick meat right off the back.

- I don't eat meat, I'm vegetarian.

- Okay.

- So am I meeting you there, boys?

- Yes, you're meeting us there, you stunned prick.

- Fuck, you're a bimbo, Turkey Tits!

Jesus, fuck!

Fucking goof.

- Doesn't this outfit show too much skin?

- You're sniffing glue,

you can never show too much skin.

- Turd cutter, let's see it.

- What?

- Your arse, Bethany, your arse.

Oh yeah, pooper looks unreal.

- Look at me, take those off, they're stupid.

- Yeah, let's see you now.

Oh yeah, your arse looks way wickider without

the glasses on, I love it.

[fun playful music]

- Well, I'm an A student so I have that going for me.

And I do yoga and [inaudible].

- Nobody gives a shit about that big city stuff around here.

- Listen, girls, I'm gonna try to make it to

second base with Turkey Tits tonight.

Nobody better make a move on him.

- I think you're safe.

- How's it going now, ladies, Bethany?

- Hi, Gary, I mean, King.

I mean, King of Pogey Beach.

- How you doing, Clam Bake?

- Hi, Turkey Tits.

- Holy flying fuck, are you the hard looking one?

- Hey, how's everyone doing tonight?

It's me, Larry Baragin, the mayor of Pogey Beach!

Thanks everyone for coming out to the drive in tonight

to kick off the first day of pogey summer!

[cheering]

And later tonight, we're gonna be accepting entries

for the king of Pogey Beach competition.

Will any one have the balls to step up and

challenge Gary Gallant,

the reigning king eight years running?

And remember, you can just get your name in there

at the canteen later tonight.

And remember, the pageant's in six weeks!

- G'day, g'day, g'day, Lyle MacDonald here.

I'll be challenging that fucking Gary Gallant this year

to King of Pogey Beach competition.

- Lyle fucking MacDonald.

He's never in it before.

- It seems brave to get up in front of everyone like that.

- Lyle, brave.

Mr. Artsy fartsy Vincent Van goof up there.

- All you drinking up there tonight, keep it up because

I'll be collecting all the cans and bottles.

We're doing a run first thing tomorrow

for the bottle depot.

- He's never challenged me before.

What the fuck's he doing?

- He's a fuck turd.

Hey, what do you say we pair up?

- I'll go with you.

- No, you're with Gary.

- Just a reminder that I'll be collecting the bottles tonight.

Lyle can take care of the cans but I'll be making a run to the bottle depot tomorrow too.

Thanks for coming out to the drive in tonight,

enjoy the show!

- What the bejesus do you think you're doing?

We're not holding hands.

We're not doing nothing until I see how good you can french.

- I've been told I'm an unreal kisser.

- All right, get your mouth wet, show me what you can do.

On your arm.

- Want a wiener?

- Shouldn't we at least wait until the movie starts?

Oh, hmm, right.

Thanks.

[clearing throat]

- My eyes are up here, Clammy.

[laughing]

- You look awfully young.

You've ever been to the drive in with a guy before?

- I'm 19, I do stuff with guys all the time.

- Like?

- Like I do drinking, I do blowing, 69,

back door, Cleveland steamer, everything.

- Fun fucking fact for you there, Trudi fruity all rooty.

- What's that?

- I guess the World Health Organization says the mothers

who breast feed their kids for two years, eh.

- What the fuck you talking about?

- Well, apparently it's very important.

Fuck, I was breastfed until I was nine.

I'm terribly lactose intolerant now though.

I walk into a room with chocolate milk,

straight shit my pants.

- Jesus.

- Oh, other than that,

I'm fucking womp bomp baloo bop, balop bam boom.

- Okay.

Worst night at the drive in ever.

- Tell me about it, watching Fruit Eye trying to kiss

was like looking at a drooler with a peach in his mouth.

- Greasy Arse just kept talking about

breastfeeding all night.

- I managed to get laid--

- Nobody cares!

How'd it go with Gary, bang pissers or what?

- We just talked mostly.

- You just talked!

You were with the king of Pogey Beach at the drive in

all night and you just talked!

- He's really sensitive.

- Yeah, the tip of his pecker is sensitive.

Hopefully you didn't totally fuck it up.

Peel down!

- What if daddy sees me.

- Bethany, it's dad.

The next time you say daddy, you're off the fucking beach.

If I had a dick, I'd be balls deep.

- What kind of balls?

[fun rhythmic music]

- Listening to Greasy Arse ramble on

was even more boring than usual because

all I could think about was Bethany.

As soon as I saw her,

I couldn't get the stupid fucking smile off my face.

Look at it, I look like a fucking idiot.

Bethany.

- [Bethany] Hi, Gary.

- [Gary] And Winslow did what he did most nights,

jerked off to his ex wife and cried his heart out,

the poor bastard.

- [Lyle] How in the fuck did you know he did that?

- [Gary] Ah, it seems like something he'd do.

[loud exciting music]

- [Man] Rise and shine all you Pogey bones!

It's gonna be another freaking gorgeous day on Pogey Beach!

We've got 25 degrees with 100% chance of getting hammered.

[fun playful music]

- Good morning, my beach.

Good morning, Winslow, will you come play on me today?

Oh yes, I'll be playing [inaudible].

Ooh, making out on the beach, huh, skanks.

Mmm, what's this?

Oh my, well that is just divine.

Look at the chasity on that hot rod.

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

Bethany!

- So how many weeks do you have to work to get pogey?

- I work about 16 weeks, drive a snow plow.

- You drive a snow plow?

- Hell yeah, I do!

- That's so fun.

- I know, right.

[exciting rhythmic music]

- Bethany!

Bethany, Bethany!

What are you wearing?

- My bathing suit.

- It's a god damn bikini!

And what is that?

A beer, give it to me!

- No!

- Give it!

- No, dad, I'm drinking the pine.

- Dad, that's not how a proper upper Canadian woman speaks.

Cover yourself up!

- Go easy, squirrel nuts.

She's got a tighty body on her, don't need to hide that.

- Squirrel nuts, that is my teenage daughter, you asshole!

What is your name, punk?

- You know who I am, I'm Gary fucking Gallant.

- A Gallant, oh, well I should've known!

Why aren't any of you at work?

It's the middle of a weekday!

- It's okay, dad, this is Pogey Beach,

they work for the government.

They get paid to tan and drink and do nothing all day.

- You're all on unemployment insurance?

Well, why aren't you looking for work?

It's your duty!

[laughing]

- Work!

- You can all come work for me at the fish plant.

I can promise jobs for all of you!

[laughing]

- [Man] Fish plant.

- Holy fuck, boys, this guy fucking pre-jacked himself!

[laughing]

- Bethany, what happened to you?

I leave you alone for five minutes and

you turn into your skank mother!

- I hate you, dad!

Have fun blowing yourself to mom last night?

- Bethany!

- Leave her, she has dad issues.

- Don't we all.

- Have you heard of this place called Pogey Beach?

It's overrun with pogey cheats.

- Mr. Lockwood, we're all well aware of Pogey Beach

on the island.

- Surely you're supposed to be bloody well sober

on a weekday if you're ready, willing, and able to work!

- Mr. Lockwood, Pogey Beach is the wild west

of Prince Edward Island.

It's a lawless zone, I don't send my narcs in there

because they don't come back.

- I just bought a god damn fish plant that

needs dozens of workers, while over here,

there's unemployed youths perfectly capable of working

but doing nothing all day.

- I'd like to help you, Mr. Lockwood, but my hands are tied.

- So you're gonna do nothing?

The truth is, Chief,

you're just as lazy as those pogey bums.

- There was one narc who went in, Ira MacAskill,

the best damn pogey narc in the business.

20 years ago, he went deep undercover in that beach.

Too deep, busted his own wife and her dune screwin

lover, Trent Gallant.

The only Gallant that we've ever taken down

for cheating on pogey.

Truly legendary.

- Well, let's get this guy on the job!

- He's long retired now.

I wouldn't even know where to find him.

- Oh, perhaps this will refresh your memory.

I've heard that Esther Campbell's mustard pickles

are the best on Prince Edward Island.

[slow eerie music]

- Truly legendary.

- [Gary] You got this, just take your time, ease into it.

- Fudge nuggets!

- Fudge nuggets, potty mouth on you.

- Sorry, daddy just makes me so angry sometimes.

I know he's just being overprotective ever since

my mom became a...

- Skank?

- Yes, a skank.

- Yeah, her and my father would get along real good.

- Who was your father, Gary?

- Who's my father?

Who's your father, who's your father,

it's all I ever hear anymore.

Girls, why do they ask me that?

Everybody knows who my father is.

- Is he nice?

- He's nice if he wants to get in your hole.

- He likes mini putt too?

- No.

I'd trade that man in for a new father any day of the week.

Fathers can be such dicks.

Come to think of it, your dad looks just like a dick.

All around the top of his head, dick head.

Watch this.

Fuck!

- [Announcer] Crazy, and lazy, and driver George McSwain,

Horsecott hanover--

- Oh, Horsecott Hanover, how could you do that to me again?

Jesus!

- I hear you were a better pogey narc than a gambler.

In fact, I hear you're the best in the business.

- Well, I don't know what you're talking about.

Pogey nutt?

No, I'm just a retired government worker

enjoying his pension.

- I'll cut to the chase, Mr. MacAskill,

I have a job for you, my daughter's innocence is at stake.

- [inaudible] I used to be in the narc,

but that was years ago.

No, I got in deep.

Yeah, too deep.

- Mr. MacAskill?

- And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna call it a night.

[horns trumpeting]

[fun playful music]

- There it is!

- Took you long enough.

- I don't got a care in the world, Bethany.

I just gotta answer the five pogey questions,

no, no, no, yes, no.

- That's all you have to do?

- That's it, and boom, pogey check!

You wouldn't believe how many people fuck that up.

- Could you teach me how to play cribbage?

- I could but you can't call it cribbage.

- What do I call it?

- Crib, you gotta call it crib, Bethany.

You don't wanna be saying cribbage around here,

you might get tossed off a wharf and eaten by a shark,

possibly a lobster, frogs--

- Okay, I won't say cribbage.

- [Gary] Bethany, you're way more differenter

than the girls around here.

- What do you mean?

- You're smart, you read books on the beach,

you dress different.

I like you, I mean, I like it, I like how you're different.

See this castle?

See this crown?

Wanna go inside?

- Sure.

- Goodnight, Penny, goodnight Jenky, sleep tight,

don't let the horse flies bite!

[slow relaxing music]

- Mr. MacAskill, it seems to me that you could

really use a friend.

- Oh, well I got Squinty the cat here somewhere.

Squinty, Squinty!

- Ira, do you mind if I call you Ira?

I could really make this worth your while.

[slow tense music]

- No, no, no, I appreciate the offer

but I can't do it, sorry.

- Looks like I'll have to catch that bloody Gallant

bunch myself!

- Did you say Gallant?

[exciting rhythmic music]

- Another way I made cash was landscaping.

But on this particular morning,

I could see Krishna from PEI.

You must be cold because I know I am and

I fish off these fucking shores.

Of course, I'm usually drunk [inaudible].

Hey, hey, hey, the one and only Toronto.

- Hi, Lyle, right?

- Fucking eh, [inaudible] this morning.

In case you didn't know, I'm the king of Pogey Beach

around here, eh.

- You're the king of Pogey Beach?

- Fucking right.

- I thought Gary Gallant was the king.

- Fuck Gary Gallant, man.

I saw you doing some wild looking moves there earlier.

- It's called yoga.

- Think you could teach me some of that stuff or what?

- Yoga doesn't really seem like your thing.

- Well, looks can be deceiving.

How would you fancy me for an artist?

- Really?

- Just because I'm fucking drawing pogey

doesn't mean that's the only god damn thing I can draw.

Look at this.

- Is that me?

- It's a fucking spitting image.

- It's beautiful.

- For that baby there, eh, I'll cut my throat on her,

five bucks.

- $5.

- Yeah, just for you though.

- Okay.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

- You done with this here can too or?

- Oh, yeah.

- That's another five cents right there, that shit adds up.

I'm collecting all day and she's gonna be a good one.

See ya later, Toronto.

- Bye.

- So I'm doing these penis exercises, they're called Kegels.

I'm telling you, if I get Kimmy this year,

I'm gonna last at least three hours.

- You wouldn't last three hours, let alone three minutes.

- This is the summer of Fruit Eyes.

- Big dreams, buddy, big dreams.

- Biggest hammerhead this side of the beach.

- Yeah, maybe that side of the picnic table.

- Gary, look what I found in the shitter bulletin board,

list of King of Pogey Beach competition events.

Ooh, that was a good fucking shit.

I just shit out a small child, boys.

Here's the list.

- What do they got for us this year, Greasy.

- We got blind folded hoot brewing.

- [Gary] Fuck.

- That's great for you.

Oh yeah, Lyle don't stand a chance there,

blind man couldn't run a hoot like you.

Wet swimsuit contest, no fucking contest.

Your body, holy fuck, I'd punch a baby right in the mouth

just to have half the body you got.

Biggest slot, come on, I wish I could slot like you.

- I do [inaudible] good, boys.

- Fucking right, I try to but

I get fucking feelings way too quick.

I get hard on instead of a hard on.

That's just me though.

What else, Gary, most wickedest car.

That one kind of scares me.

- That's on him, Gary, you got the best rig going.

- What are you fucking talking about?

- Well, geez, Lyle's car has got wings, man, fucking wings!

It's got wings, that fucking thing looks like it could fly!

Fuck man, talent event.

Like, I know you're talented but Lyle,

fuck man, he's got a painting up in Annie's fucking

smoking room, unreal.

I'm colorblind, I could see the way the colors

just cascade right into the nicotine stains and everything.

It's wonderful.

Biggest pogey cheater, Lyle,

that fuckers working for cash all the time.

Like you can't half arse this one, Gary.

You got six weeks to get in peak pogey shape.

I say we start training today.

- Boys, I don't need to train, I'm pogey royalty.

Go fucking get me a lobster roll, would ya?

I'm starved.

- Coleslaw, Gary.

- Yes, extra coleslaw.

- Another beer?

- We got beer right here, Fruit Eyes,

get me a mussel burger too.

- Get your arse moving, get!

How fucking stunned he is.

- Good fellow.

- So, what's the job?

- I want you to infiltrate those pogey bums

that are hanging around with my daughter.

Learn from them, find out if they're breaking

any of the pogey rules.

- Well, that's a big job.

Gonna take a lot of resources.

- Beer coupons are no object.

And if you can fill my fish plant with workers,

I will reward you handsomely.

Here's my beautiful Beth.

- Whoa, odd looking.

Looks like she's got a wonderful personality, Mr. Lockwood.

- Her virginity is in your hands, Mr. MacAskill.

- Well, it's been 50 years since a woman's virginity

has been in the care of these hands.

I'll do my best.

- I want you to get those pogey bums off my beach!

[fun playful music]

- So did any of you boys get your dick wet

last night or what?

- Me and Kimmy were tugging all fucking night, boys.

- Other than Palmela Handerson and Angelina Jolie,

it's drier than a popcorn fart for me, man.

- Boys, me and fucking Clam Bake--

- Gary, how about you?

Did that Toronto gal give you some big city loving or what?

- What?

- You got Lyle on the mind, don't you?

Can't say I don't blame you, man.

- You scared of Lyle, Gary?

- Please, boys, not a chance.

- Speaking of the geezer,

look who's coming up the beach now.

- How's she going, boys?

Did you hear me little announcement at the fucking

drive in the other evening?

- Yes, but guess what, I'm the fucking king of Pogey Beach.

- Like fuck he is.

- I've been collecting pogey for 15 years

and who the fuck are you?

- 15, fuck it, I've been running pogey for at least 20,

working for cash under table the whole fucking time,

screwing everything in sight.

- Lyle, who doesn't work for cash

and who the fuck collects pogey with steal toed boots on?

- Well, I'm looking for work.

Well, this says PEI right across [inaudible].

King of the fucking crop, are you?

- Next I'm gonna get a fucking EI check

tattooed right under it.

- You damn near should.

- Well, I guess we're gonna have to settle this

some other fucking way.

- Yup!

[fun country music]

[engines revving]

Well that didn't fucking solve anything at all, did she?

The two of us are pretty good off roaders,

damn fine off roaders.

- Look at your tiny little stick legs,

I'm gonna destroy you in the swimsuit event.

- I might paint a picture of you licking me boot

for the talent portion of this here contest.

- Listen, why don't you stay on your side of the beach

until we let the pageant judges decide

that I'm the fucking king?

- Did you hear were the judges anyway?

- We got Beatrice McDonald.

- Fuck, Beatrice, man, she's got it out for me.

- We got Cecil MacEntire.

- [Lyle] Cecil's good, yeah.

- Cecil.

- The judges, they will decide, won't they?

[deep tense music]

♪ I am a lone man

♪ A lone wolf of justice

♪ My path is always righteous

♪ The job, it must be done

♪ I am the law man

♪ Silent, swift, but deadly

♪ I'm always at the ready with a rifle or a gun ♪

♪ Out on the Western trail

♪ Out on the Western trails

♪ Out on the Western trails

♪ Out on the Western trails

- Whoa, Pogey Beach.

Well, isn't employment insurance just the way to go?

Look, you boys mind if I sit down

and play some cribbage with you?

- Sure old timer, have a seat.

- Nice fucking board.

- Well, I'm glad you noticed it.

I won my first [inaudible] with this board back in 1962.

- You wanna hoot?

- Well, I don't give a hoot but I'll take a hoot.

They don't call me the great Snowy Owl for nothing.

[laughing]

- You want me to crack you one of these cold Alpines?

- Well, you can call me Alberta Tom

because I'm gonna down that Alpine.

Yeah, double gold, an Alpine skin in '88 in Calgary.

I'll tell you, I was on winter pogey that year

and I caught the whole games,

I didn't miss a single event!

- Yeah, [inaudible] ruined for you.

Here, suck this beauty down.

[coughing]

- You okay, Great Snowy Owl?

- Have a big drink of this here, tumba.

- Oh god, you can taste the can off that.

[laughing]

- Jesus, get the fuck out of here!

- Get out of here.

- You okay, old timer?

Here, have a rip of that.

- No, no, no.

- No, trust me, this will cure whatever ails you.

Trust me.

There you go, get her into you.

- Oh, young fella, I think you saved my life.

- The fucking kids these days.

No respect for their pogey elders.

Oh, there he goes.

- Oh, all right, that's good quality shine.

- That sure is and there's a fuck load more

where that came from!

Let's get out of here.

- And I was shoveling my arse off everyday,

minimum wage job, broke 19 shovels that winter,

practically working for nothing.

- Boys, boys, boys!

Meet Johnny Mountain, this guy's been on pogey for 47 years.

- So, you boys all on pogey?

- Holy fuck, man, do you know where you're at?

- Oh and how about you, sweet little girl,

you on pogey too?

- Not yet but I will be soon.

- How in the hell do you collect pogey for that long?

- Well son, you gotta know the answers.

Yes, yes, yes, no, yes.

- It's no, no, no, yes, no, you got it backwards.

- Oh, well--

- How long do you say you've been collecting pogey there,

old timer?

[laughing]

- Just kidding you, just wanted to see if you were pogey narcs!

[laughing]

- Oh, Johnny Mountain, I had a little sniff

of pogey narc off you there for a sec.

- Me, a pogey narc!

[laughing]

- Boys, could you imagine if a pogey narc came down here

to our beach?

- Well, he'd have to be pretty fucking stunned,

wouldn't he?

- Damn straight he would.

I'd put a shotgun right in his mouth.

- I'd twist his head backwards and shit fair down his neck.

- I'd cut his fucking dick off and

throw it right in the fucking riptide.

- Say, Johnny, what's with the wire?

- Oh that, well I'm just writing my memoirs!

Yeah, I'm documenting everything.

Everything that I do, I'm putting down on paper.

So you fellas ever work for cash?

You know, under the table?

- [Gary] You love cash jobs too?

- Well, just about my favorite thing in the whole world!

- You know what, Johnny, we got a big one coming up

and we need another man.

You in?

- In, well I'll say I'm in, in like flin.

- Can I work for cash too?

- Oh, Bethany, you're not on pogey, you can't work for cash.

- I thought you were gonna teach me how to play crib today.

- Nah, nah, nah, tomorrow.

All right, boys, what do you say, let's do this!

[slow solemn music]

Ready for this shit, Johnny Mountain?

- Oh yeah, Gary, I'm ready.

I'm just gonna follow your lead.

- [Gary] Nice and clean.

- Oh yeah, clean, yeah, yeah, clean's good.

- In and out.

- Oh, in and out, just gonna follow you.

I'll follow you right through to the end, Gary.

[fun rock music]

[tires squealing]

- No better way to top up your pogey

than with a cash job heist.

Everybody, hit the ground, drop the weapon!

That wasn't my pile, collecting cans for pennies,

for fuck sakes.

The biggest pain in the ass with a cash job is

getting someone to plant it.

So we let someone else do all the hard work,

then you swoop in and get the job done.

A cash job like that would last us for the whole summer.

With so much cash floating around,

didn't matter what I said,

those fucking idiots couldn't contain themselves.

- Look at this, Gary, seashell necklace.

Me and Clam Bake are courting, it's official.

- What are you doing, I told you not to buy anything.

- It's my going steady necklace.

- Bought it at a yard sale, Gary.

- I don't care where the fuck you bought it,

there could be pogey narcs everywhere watching us.

Just take the clam shell necklace and your turkey tits

and get the fuck out of here.

Get out!

[soft lighthearted music]

- Play crib in style now, Gary.

- What are you, stunned?

First we got a clam shell necklace,

now we got a 29 crib board?

- [Greasy Arse] My old crib board's a piece of shit, man.

- What are you, stunned?

- Sorry, Gary.

- Are you stunned or what?

- I am a little stunned.

- You are stunned.

Fruit Eyes, get him the fuck out of here, please.

[soft lighthearted music]

Don't be like them, don't be stupid with the money, Johnny.

- Scouts honor.

- Chowder, we'll take two.

- Anything for the king.

- To the newest member of our crew, Johnny Mountain!

I know it's gonna sound weird, right,

since I've only known you for like two days,

but you're like a new dad to me.

I bet you'll be a great father, Johnny.

You have any kids?

- Nah, no kids.

My sperm didn't work, I was infertile.

I grew up near a potato farm,

I kept breathing those pesticides all the time,

poisoned my sack.

- Give me a sec.

Bethany, what the freak is wrong?

What is it, about the cash job?

- No, no, no.

- Bethany!

[soft lighthearted music]

What's the matter?

- I want you to teach me all about pogey, Gary.

You pull me in and then push me away.

- I all ready taught you everything there is to know

about the five pogey questions.

- I want to feel the rush of working under the table.

I wanna feel what you feel.

- You can fill out my pogey report.

- Me?

- Yeah.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- What if I mess it up, can't something bad happen?

Can't something bad happen, can't something bad happen?

- [Man] Gary, I need you to fill out my pogey report.

- This has gotta go in the mail today. - [Bethany] Gary, Gary!

- [Man] You remember the answers, right?

No, no, no, yes, no.

No, no, no, yes, no.

- [Bethany] Gary, what's wrong, are you okay?

- [Man] You killed your brother, Gary, what did you do?

- Gary!

Gary, what's wrong, are you okay?

- No, it's a bad idea!

- Did you have a traumatic experience with

a pogey report or something?

- No, not at all.

- Must be hard being the king.

- It is hard.

- You know, I never thought I'd even like beer.

But I fucking love it.

- When you swear, it makes my pants tight.

- I fucking love it.

Ow!

What was that?

- Holy fuck, it's a horse fly bite!

- A horse fly bite, is that bad?

- Yeah, it's poisonous!

- Poisonous?

- I gotta suck the poison out!

- Okay, please suck the poison out.

Did you get the poison out?

I think there might be more poison in there, Gary.

[soft serene music]

- The Pogey Beach operation is going great.

I blended right in, sir.

They don't suspect a thing.

I'm in deep, that whole beach is gonna go down.

They're all gonna do some serious pogey time.

[laughing]

- Wonderful, wonderful news, Ira!

How's Bethany?

- Oh, I don't think you have to worry there, sir.

- Gather any solid evidence on pogey fraud.

- Very solid.

- [Bethany] Oh, Gary.

- This is hot and heavy action!

- [Gary] Call me the king. - [Bethany] You're the king.

- It's been a long time since I seen or heard dune screwing like that.

- [Gary] Feel my scepter.

[moaning]

- Bye, dad!

- Bethany!

Come here.

- [Bethany] You're the king.

- Where are you rushing off to?

You didn't come home until 1:00 in the morning last night.

- None of your geezing business.

I'm 19, I'm not a freaking kid.

- Bethany!

Bethany, you come back here!

[deep tense music]

Bethany!

[inaudible]

Bethany, wait!

You, you leave me and my daughter alone,

you bloody Gallant!

- He's a nice boy, dad.

- The Gallants are all bums!

[slow tense music]

[engine revving]

Nice car, Gallant, where'd you get this?

Did you steal it from somewhere!

I wouldn't be surprised.

Bethany, Bethany!

You better be home by 10:00.

Bethany, we're gonna have a serious pow wow

when you get home, Bethany!

The car's not inspected.

- Last night was my first time ever, Gary.

- Last night was your first time screwing in the dunes?

- No, like, my first time ever, you took my virginity.

- Holy fuck, you're my first too, Bethany.

- Really, I took your virginity?

- Fuck no, but you were the first girl I ever screwed

who wasn't on pogey.

[lighthearted music]

Fuck life was sweet.

I had my first real girlfriend ever.

We did everything together.

- [Lyle] Holy fuck, don't take your shirt off.

Jesus Christ, we don't need to see that.

- [Gary] For the first time in my life,

I was doing all kinds of lovey dovey shits.

Bethany was the first girl who wanted to learn

how to brew a proper bottle toke.

I was smitten.

- [Lyle] Holy fuck, she wasn't kissing you in the woods.

All this part's all fucking bullshit.

- [Gary] I'm not making it up, Lyle, fuck you.

And I had a new dad.

The dad I always wanted.

Life couldn't have been more fucking wickeder.

Nothing else seemed to matter.

- Three fucking beer in an hour, Gary?

Come on!

I haven't seen you drunk all summer.

At this pace, it's gonna take two days to finish these beer.

- Just not thirsty, Greasy.

- Not thirsty, he says.

You're not taking it serious is what's happening.

You're spending too much time with your new

girl girlfriend, Bethany,

your new dad girlfriend, Johnny fucking Mountain.

You're gonna lose king of Pogey Beach is what's happening.

How in the fuck are we ever gonna get laid

if you're not the king?

Stop being so fucking selfish.

You're Gary fucking Gallant!

Are you kidding me, any guy on Pogey Beach

would kill to be you!

Greaseless arse without a hint of mud butt,

nice flat pecs, no man tits like Turkey,

perfect 20/20 vision, not like poor Fruit Eyes

passed out shit ass drunk,

can't see a fucking thing through those

big stupid looking fucking glasses.

Gary Gallant, one woman man, oh my fucking god.

Poor Fruit Eyes set up a fucking obstacle course for you!

Three hours it took them!

You know how tiresome it was watching that?

- As much as I love listening to you talk, Greasy,

and you do talk a lot,

I got a hot date tonight, buddy.

For once in my life, my heart heart and my dick heart

are on the same path.

- Fuck it, I'll drink the fucking beer then!

- Have at her, buddy, and have fun with that,

a fucking mess.

And then it came time to introduce Bethany to the family.

I'm not sure who was more nervous, her or me.

Welcome to the house that pogey built.

- Holy frig, it's amazing.

I'm scared your family isn't gonna like me.

- They're gonna love you, I promise.

[soft sophisticated music]

- What is this about, you screwing some girl from away?

Toronto, no less, is this true, Gary?

- Dad, this is Bethany.

- Hi, it's nice to meet you, Mr. Gallant.

- Oh, hello, I'm Gary's dad, Emmett.

I've heard lots of wicked stuff about you.

Where are my manners, come in, come in.

- How do you like the fucking shine?

- It's good.

- You got quite a [inaudible].

Can you still see?

- I think so.

- Where are you from, dear, anyway?

- Toronto, born and raised.

- Oh, you poor stunned little bastard.

We won't hold that against you.

Would you like to see my stamp collection?

- [Bethany] Oh, I love stamps!

- See this, this is the very first pogey check

that my father got, 1941, 26 fucking dollars.

Can you believe that, 26 fucking dollars?

- What a magnificent slut your brother Trent was.

Superb pecker on him, just like his great granddaddy.

King of Pogey Beach five years in a row.

His run cut short.

Trent was my favorite, my first born son.

- I'm sorry for your loss.

- Enough about Trent all ready.

- Yeah, enough about fucking Trent,

that's all we, can we not have one fucking meal

without listening about Trent?

- He was a beautiful boy.

And you killed him!

[deep dark music]

- I was only nine years old!

Hey, hey, wanna go to the barn?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Get in there, don't forget to close the door.

- Get upstairs, strip off them clothes

and get ready for my magnificent pecker.

- I can't believe I'm gonna screw the king of Pogey Beach!

- Gary, Gary.

I need you to fill out my pogey report.

She's gotta go in the mail today.

- I don't think I can do that, Trent.

- Come on, man, you're the king's baby brother.

- Are you sure?

- You remember the answers, right, no, no, no, yes, no.

- No, no, no, yes, no.

- Now, I'm gonna go upstairs and

screw the bag off that sensuous woman.

- Okay, Trent.

- No, no, no, yes, no.

Love you little brother.

- Love you too, just don't forget to wear a condom.

No, no, no, yes, no.

No, no, no, yes, no.

- [Woman] Yes, yes!

- Yes.

- [Woman] Yes! - [Trent] Yes!

- Yes.

- [Woman] Yes!

- Yes.

- [Woman] Yes, yes!

- That looks about right.

- The pogey report killed him?

- Because Gary screwed up Trent's pogey claim,

the narcs got on him, charged him with pogey fraud.

Forced him back to work full time!

The one and only Gallant ever to be charged

with cheating the pogey!

- G'day, g'day, g'day.

My ears are burning, were you talking about me?

Hey dad, how are you?

Grammie, Gary.

Oh, who's this now?

- I'm Bethany.

- Nice to meet you, I'm Trent, Gary's bigger brother.

Supper ready or what?

Quite the plant at the fish plant today, I tell yas.

My goodness, we had to break down the line.

Freaking Judy and Natalia,

they got bored and they start flinging

the fish at each other.

My goodness, Natalia got Judy right square in the face.

We're all laughing, and oh my goodness, it was funny,

you should've been there.

You want a job, Gary?

They're setting up that line for the halibut.

- Look, will you stop talking about that

fucking fish plant?

I don't wanna hear another god damn word about

that fucking fish plant!

- I like working at the fish plant.

It's the best thing that ever happened to me!

I don't miss being on the pogey for one second.

- You see!

You see what you did to my boy!

It should've been you that died, not my beautiful Trent!

[groaning]

It's not your fault, Trent.

- My dad just bought the fish plant.

- Oh, you're Winslow Lockwood's daughter, are you?

Right on, he seems like a good fella.

- Your father bought the pogey jail?

Get the fuck out of my house, both of ya!

- But I thought we were having buttered sandwiches

and mustard pickles.

- Get out!

- What a fucking arse hole.

- Are we gonna have supper or what, I'm hungry?

- Just wait in the car, please.

- Gary!

This family has a reputation to uphold.

How many girls you screwed so far this summer?

- A few.

One.

- And you think you're a big enough slut

to be king of Pogey Beach?

- I don't wanna be a slut anymore.

Maybe I'm tired of being a slut.

Just because grampie was a slut and grammie was a slut,

and great grampie was a slut.

I'm sick of being a slut like you.

- Don't you slut shame your father!

Maybe I'll take away your cozy snow plowing job.

No more top stamps for Gary in the summer.

You'll have to collect pogey in the middle of winter,

like the road working crews.

[slow tense music]

- I fucking love beer.

You wanna know my turd cutter's so nice?

Yoga, I got yoga arse.

Do you wanna do yoga sometime?

- Hell no, I don't do yoga.

- Gary, I don't care that you killed your brother.

I mean, I don't care that you messed up his pogey report.

You were only a kid, it could've happened to anyone.

And I don't care that my dad hates Gallants.

I think I love you, Gary.

YOu're so hot!

You're always on top stamps.

I'm just so glad my first boyfriend's on pogey.

- Boyfriend, I barely even like you!

You're just some strange girl that walks onto my beach.

You know how many girls I bang every summer, hundreds.

- But I thought--

- I don't care what you thought.

I used to be way more awesomer before I met you.

You're a curse, a true CFA, you're a curse from away.

- But I was the first girl you screwed

that wasn't on pogey.

- You're just another dune screw, Bethany.

- Gary!

[slow tense music]

- Hey, hey, hey!

How's she going now, Toronto?

- I don't think you're gonna wanna be around me

if you're trying to be the king of Pogey Beach.

Apparently I'm a curse.

- A curse, Jesus, has it got that fucking desperate

around here or what?

What about doing some of that there yoga stuff?

That'll get you straightened out.

- I don't think yoga will fix this.

- Well, there's usually only two things that

will get me up when I'm down.

And one doesn't include pants and

the other includes lots of cash.

- Cash?

- Cash.

[fun rhythmic music]

Me and Bethany got hooked onto each other

fairly solid that summer.

Truth be told, I forgot all about me mother

rotting away in that pogey jail.

That Pogey Beach King contest bullshit

slipped my mind as well.

Bethany had enough weeks of work to get her pogey going,

not a bad little claim.

Not top stamp but not too shabby.

And she turned me onto the yoga.

That fucking fairly relaxing stuff, that yoga.

And we taught each other the finer things in life,

like how to cheat pogey by keeping the cash jobs small

and off the radar.

Two pogey incomes goes a long way in PEI.

Life couldn't be wickeder.

[slow lighthearted music]

- $65, not a bad little haul.

I can't believe we made that much working under

the table in one day!

- That's just the tip of the iceberg.

You just wait until blueberry season fires up.

It's pretty good having a little help around today too.

I barely even done fuck all.

Seen me sleeping in the car?

I didn't show up until 10.

- I fucking love working for cash.

It gives me such a high!

I think I'm addicted to it.

- See, not many experience this fucking

spiritual side of pogey.

- The spiritual side?

- Oh fuck yeah, pogey's spiritual.

See, it's not all about the money, it's about the freedom.

It's about being paid not to work during

the best time of the year.

I don't fill out the pogey report,

the pogey report fills out me.

Most evenings, usually cut the boat loose,

go for a little sail, pull meself to the sunset.

- You did the sunset?

- Hell yeah, usually up there in the bow.

- What time is it?

I should probably get back soon.

Dad will be wondering where I am.

- Time, time don't mean nothing around here, Toronto.

We're on pogey, relax.

- I think I'm starting to understand

the spiritual side of pogey.

- Now we, we may.

- That's my boy, all right.

I enjoyed pulling myself at sunset too.

- What the fuck's the matter with you?

You're moping around like a limp prick

with your head hanging down.

- Nothing's the matter, Grammie.

- Here, get this into you.

- Not thirsty.

- Oh fuck, don't tell me that you're even so sad

you can't drink anymore.

Is that little bitch from Toronto?

- No.

- Still gonna go for King of Pogey Beach this year

or did you quit that fucking thing too?

- Oh, fuck it.

- I was king of Pogey Beach for 26 years.

I had more than one prick break my heart.

- [Gary] Really?

- Yeah, really.

Would you take your fucking brother, Trent,

to the fucking beach?

- Take Trent to the beach.

- You know how fucking annoying he can be

and he's driving me fucking crazy.

I'll talk to your dad and make sure that you got

that snow blowing job this winter so

you can still draw your pogey in the summer.

- You'd do that for me?

[inaudible]

Thanks, Grammie.

- And if I hear anything more about that fucking

fish plant again, I'm gonna throw up or throw a fit,

I don't know which.

- I can't blame you.

I'll beat the shit out of him for you.

- Okay, well you make sure you get him down

to the beach though, for god's sake.

Get him out of this fucking house.

- Okay, anything for you, Grammie.

[fun lighthearted music]

- Hey, hey, hey.

Geez, we'll get five or six bucks for this at a yard sale.

And here's another 10 cents to boot.

- I'm still feeling the spiritual side of pogey but

five fucking bucks!

- What, you're not having a good time ditch diving?

Jesus, we could be jammed up in a [inaudible] somewhere.

In the summer, I got stuck in the [inaudible]

solid for two days and the fire department had to come down

and cut me out with the jaws of life.

- Fucking Jesus.

- We got this here boot.

- One boot.

Who the fuck wants one boot?

- Well, let's hope some fella out there's got the other one.

- It's garbage, Lyle.

- Ah, fuck, one man's garbage, another man's treasure.

And we got this antique golf club.

- Who wants an old golf club?

- Well, I'm hoping some golfer out there's got a full set

but is missing the fucking 3 wood.

And then you got this here hairpiece.

Gem of the sea right there, that hairpiece.

- Who's gonna wear a fucking ditch wig, that's disgusting!

- That Ronnie's wife there that does the cow patty

ornaments, Jesus, man,

she ain't got a hair left in her head.

She'd fucking pay top dollar for that one.

- Lyle, we've been ditch diving all day,

getting bit by fucking mosquitoes.

How much have we even made?

- Well, with all this bounty here,

including the cans, it's at least 28, 30 bucks.

- We made 60 bucks last time.

- That was a good fucking day.

Can't always have a $60 day.

- Look, I'm happy to be combing for cans with you

but I thought when I was on pogey,

I'd be making more than a couple bucks an hour

under the table.

Let's go down to the loft and

rip off some stunned fucking tourists or something.

- Stunned tourists, I suppose,

but you gotta rip off the government, not the people.

- Let's just go back to the trailer for a quick screw

or some shit, clear our minds.

- Well, we'll get at least five more dollars cans.

- Do you wanna screw or not, Lyle?

- Yes, I do.

[fun energetic music]

- Holy frank, this is bringing back the memories, boys,

unreal.

Don't see a whole lot of that at the plant.

- I bet you don't.

Hey Buffy, how's about a beer with the king?

- I heard your pecker's taken.

- Did you think you could've at least

brought the right kind of beer.

- What do you mean, this craft brew's unreal,

I'm telling you, this is the future.

- Hey, hey, Gary!

- Well, if it isn't Johnny Mountain.

- Well, I haven't seen you around for a while.

- You know how it is, Johnny.

Spraying my dick up dune screwin.

- And how is everything?

You still cheating on the pogey?

- You know how it is.

- And who's this fella?

- That's Trent.

- How are ya now?

- Good, good, good.

Well, I'm just up there in the dunes

working on my sand castle.

I thought I'd come down and say hello.

Oh, look, if you got any of them cash jobs,

keep me in the loop.

- You know I will, Johnny, you're my boy!

- Hanging around the pogey narcs now, are you?

Fucking [inaudible] tell you that was a big no no.

- What the fuck are you talking about?

- That's Ira MacAskill, the pogey narc.

- Trent, your memory's all fucked up from

staring at them fish guts all day.

You don't know what you're talking about.

That's Johnny Mountain.

- I'm telling you right now, that's Ira MacAskill.

- Look, I knew it was a mistake bringing you down here,

Trent, please just go for a walk, please.

- Right on, thanks for inviting me out, brother.

It's a nice change of scenery, see you later.

- Anytime, Trent.

Johnny Mountain, fucking pogey narc.

Trent.

[fun rhythmic music]

- Hey, what's going on, how are yas?

Good day, how are you, what are you doing?

What's shaking, good to see you.

[fun rhythmic music] [beeping]

Fuck, Lyle MacDonald.

- Good day, there.

- Still doing the metal detector, are you?

- And who might you be?

- Trent Gallant, you must remember me.

Your father busted me and your mother for pogey fraud

back in '96.

- Trent Gallant, you were fucking railing me mother

back in '96, weren't you?

- No, no, that might've been the rumor going around

but it wasn't me,

it was me father that was railing your mother.

- Your father?

- Yes, my father, Emmett Gallant.

Him and your dad used to be good buddies.

Listen, speaking of fathers here,

I seen your father today on the beach.

- My father on this fucking beach?

- Yeah, said he was building a sand castle in the dunes.

Sounds like something a pogey narc would say.

Listen, tell him Trent Gallant says thanks, will ya!

- Well, holy moly, by golly.

Well those two there, they're working it pretty hard.

My god, I don't think some of those girls

have had a decent job in years.

I don't know how they're collecting.

- Man, what the fuck.

- Oh, well, just out doing some bird watching.

Yeah, it's the piping plovers are out.

- Piping plovers my ass!

You were down here fucking pogey narcing again,

weren't you?

- I haven't done any pogey narcing since

that problem with your mother!

- Mother, if my mother hadn't been working for cash

all those fucking years at the wharf slinging beach

while you were out spending all our fucking money

on them ponies.

- Well, what do you want me to do?

- Fly the fucking out of here!

- Well, why don't you fly the fucking out of here?

You want a piece of me?

I thought I taught you that lesson when you were 20.

- You're gonna put my fucking friends in fucking pogey jail!

Like you did me fucking mother!

- Well, I think I might!

Look, and I'm gonna tell you another thing,

your mother deserved everything she got!

- Go fuck yourself, I loved her!

- Yeah, sure you did!

Yeah, you and half of Cadence County!

- [Lyle] Seeing me dad down on the beach

really sent me sideways,

but Bethany, she had other ideas in her arse.

- Come on, Lyle, there's cash to be made out there!

We're god damned stunned arse holes if we don't

get out there and get a snap of that action!

- Simmer down.

We may as well sit around, relax,

and enjoy the fucking day like everybody else in Pogey.

- Relax, summer's almost fucking over!

Come on, I got the ultimate score all worked out.

It's an unreal cock sucking idea!

Don't you wanna hear about it?

- I've got enough on me fucking plate for today.

- Well, it's better than scrounging around for bottles

and selling lobster traps, for fuck sakes!

[inaudible]

We can get drunk on shine and screw after.

Working cash gives me a fire in my bird

like you wouldn't believe.

- Jesus!

Kind of gets me fired up too but, no,

there's plenty of other fucking days

that we can go out and work for cash.

Me body needs a fucking break.

- Oh, suck a dick then, you old fuck!

Maybe I'll find someone who will work for cash with me.

- Fuck.

Don't go to that fucking beach today, man.

There's a pogey narc down there fucking narcing us out.

- Fuck you, Lyle.

I thought you understood the spiritual side of pogey.

Maybe the real king of Pogey Beach

will wanna work cash with me.

- I just fucking said I didn't wanna work cash today.

- I'm talking about Gary Gallant, you fucking goof!

- Gary Gallant.

Hey, make sure you save me them bottles and cans

if you're scavenger today.

Come on.

Man, I'm telling you, this fucking narc has

staked the claim on Pogey Beach.

And with all these pogey bums around here,

he ain't gonna stop until they're all caught up.

You gotta shut her down.

- Keep your god damn voice down, Lyle.

What proof do you have that there's a pogey narc

at the beach anyway?

I'm not gonna shut the whole beach down

on some wild pogey hunch.

- All this fella does is eat, sleep, shit,

get drunk, and catch pogey cheats.

- Yeah, but if I shut the beach down,

who's gonna pay my salary?

You know I depend on the cans around here to make a living.

Ah geez, look what you went and did.

Why aren't you enjoying yourselves?

- We're looking for work.

Any good jobs in the paper there, boys?

- Oh, there's some wicked jobs in here.

I fucking love looking for work.

- Listen, the beach is safe, there's no pogey narc.

Drink, dune screw, shit wherever you want,

just have a great time.

Come on, drop the want ads, please.

See, the beach is safe.

Are you done with these cans?

- All yours.

- I appreciate your concern, Lyle,

but we're crowning the king of Pogey Beach this weekend.

Gonna be the busiest time of the summer.

I suggest you enjoy yourself.

- I will.

- Yes, yes, it's gonna be a great time.

[knocking]

- Bethany, I need to talk to you.

Bethany, Bethany!

You little bugger, Bethany, stop being such a little brat.

Bethany!

[knocking]

Bethany!

Where are you?

Toronto, why did I ever leave you?

Oh right, the skank.

[soft serene music]

[scary tense music]

[inaudible] 3:00 am.

Intel, three whippersnappers, five rakes.

Billy, what is...

The cash job.

What the hell is going on, Ira, you incompetent boob!

When are you gonna make a bust, huh?

My fish plant is about to go under and

my daughter is about to do a cash job!

- Well, well sir, she is on pogey.

Maybe she's looking for top up.

- Bethany is on unemployment insurance?

- Yes, it's all part of my total undercover package.

- You were supposed to protect her from

those lazy heathens, you idiot!

Now she's gone and done god knows what with

that Gallant scum!

She's disappeared!

- It's just a little pogey fraud.

I mean, what's the harm, really?

- What's the harm, really!

Did you go in too deep, did you?

- No, no, no, not too deep.

I'm just at the shallow end of the pool.

- Well, if it's too late to save my daughter then

perhaps I can save my fish plant.

If you're not ready, willing, and able to

hand over that evidence, I will.

Give it to me.

- Well, do you think I carry evidence of

unemployment insurance fraud everywhere I go, do you?

- Ira!

[horns trumpeting]

I've been too hard on you.

You've done some really good work, Ira.

Look, I wonder what the ponies are doing tonight, huh.

- Well, I imagine they're running in Summerside.

- Oh, I imagine that too.

Well, you deserve to take a break.

- I always like taking a break.

[laughing]

Thank you.

- On me.

- Well, I always like being treated on someone else.

- [Lyle] So while dad was betting all his money

on them ponies, Winslow took Bethany's cash job plan

and all the pogey fraud evidence dad got at the beach

straight to the pogey chief.

- Pogey fraud, pogey fraud.

- [Lyle] What a fucking greasy trick that was.

[laughing]

- Lockwood.

- Like we're gonna go do a cash job with you.

You fucking ditched us all summer.

- Got a little pogey cock in you and

then you think you're too good for your friends.

Real fucking classy.

- Fuck, I've been moaning about these massive memories

all fucking summer.

- Turkey Tits put a ring on it and you didn't even know.

- Anyways, you were saying.

- I met this guy down by the wharf.

He's got a friend who's got a cousin

with this whippersnapper gig.

- Boys, I don't know, we should be freaking careful--

- Turkey Tits, just mind your business, please!

This guy knows a guy who takes care of all the lawns

outside the federal government buildings.

- Where's this going down?

- Here's the wickedest part, Service Canada.

- Pogey fraud headquarters.

- You've gone fucking goofy.

- No one would suspect it.

Think of the freaking rush!

I've been planning it for a god damn week!

- It makes my cock hard just thinking about it.

- Guys, let's leave these fucking goofballs

to their suicide mission.

- Get the Jesus out of here.

- Let's go to the fucking beach.

- Chicken shits.

- This is never gonna work with just the two of us.

We need at least a third guy.

And I know just the beard for the job.

- All right, lock and load.

- What did you bring that for?

I thought we were just whippersnapping, in and out.

I didn't know we were planting a fucking flower bed.

- If I hear anymore pussy footing from another

supposed king of Pogey Beach, I'm gonna fucking puke!

- Look, guys, I think I got a charlie horse

in my right thigh, it's an old track and field injury.

Look, I think we better call this off.

- Great, another old fuck!

Guys, we're on the clock, three hours, let's do this shit!

[fun exciting music]

[laughing]

- Narc, narc!

Narc!

- Don't move!

You're all under arrest for pogey fraud!

- God damn [inaudible] ground!

Cocksucker.

- Gary, I think we should call this off.

I got a bad feeling.

- You get the nerves, I still get them too, buddy.

I got a pill for the stormy shits if you need one.

- [Ira] No, no, it's not the stormy shits.

I just know this is gonna go tits up.

- [Gary] How do you damn well know that?

- Well, because, because, well...

Gary.

[fun exciting music]

Gary, I got something to tell you.

Gary.

I'm the pogey narc!

- You're what?

I'll kill you.

- Down on the ground!

- Drop that [inaudible]!

- Gary!

- Bethany!

- You're going to fucking pogey jail, little girl!

- Gary, it's too late, she's all ready dead.

You gotta run for it, go, son, get!

Gary, I still love you!

- Go fuck yourself!

- Gary!

Fucking arse hole!

Get your god damn greasy paws off me, you fucks!

[screaming]

- Under arrest for pogey fraud!

- No, leave him, he's looking for work.

- Pogey gods, help us to Jesus.

[screaming]

- A raid on Pogey Beach has resulted

in the arrest of dozens of pogey cheats.

They'll all be serving life sentences at the fish plant

commonly known as pogey jail.

This man, Gary Gallant, of the prominent Gallant pogey

family, is currently on the run,

facing charges of pogey fraud.

If you see this man,

please contact pogey fraud division immediately.

Do not approach this man as he's considered to be drunk

and extremely horny.

- I told him there was a pogey narc there.

Ira MacAskill, you must remember him, eh, dad?

- Trent, we do not mention Ira MacAskill's name

in this house.

- I don't know why the fuck not.

Ira MacAskill, you were banging his wife like

a bass drummer in the attic.

Anyplace you could bang her, you were banging her.

- Good to get the extra bodies in the plant though, eh.

A few extra bodies to have a laugh with and stuff.

- Shut the fuck up.

Don't you know that's your brother you're talking about,

you working job hunting bastard.

- Take your hands off my dick, you fucking pervert!

- Daddy!

- Daddy.

I thought it was dad.

Take her away.

- No!

- Bitch, you're a cock sucking [inaudible].

- Tell my parents I love them!

- [Man] Let's go.

- Oh boy, no king of pogey beach pageant this year.

Oh, the whole economy's gonna go in the toilet.

The town's gonna probably shut down.

There won't be any cans, probably gonna starve this winter.

Oh, Jesus.

- Mayor Beargin?

- Yes?

- I just found out that you knew that there

was a narc on the beach.

You knew that it was dangerous and

you let people dune screw anyway.

And now my boy, Turkey Tits, is dead and

there's nothing you can do about it.

He got a life sentence at the fish plant.

I wanted you to know that.

Fuck you.

- Holy fuck, you look like shit, just look at you.

What the fuck do you want?

- I got no money, my pogey's been cut off.

- You're a fugitive from the law,

there's no fucking way I can help you.

You killed your brother, Trent,

and now you killed Pogey Beach.

The last thing I'm gonna let you do is kill

the whole fucking family.

This is all I can do for you.

Look, there's 12 empties in there,

you might get 70 fucking cents.

And I'm turning my arse on you.

Another fucking arse hole.

[deep tense music]

♪ Oh, when your questions can only be answered in time ♪

♪ It's always been the hardest part to say goodbye ♪

♪ And you look around this crowded room feeling shit ♪

♪ Go back to that same room now and no one's there ♪

♪ Two of us brought us all to tears ♪

♪ And together, oh, for the last time ♪

♪ Oh, thinking about the years

♪ As time goes back to you

♪ Oh, thinking about the years

♪ When will we meet again?

♪ Oh, thinking about the years

♪ My mind goes back there too

♪ Oh, thinking about the years

- Here are your tickets.

- Thanks, buddy.

- I also got rubbers for sale, a buck a piece, cash.

This fella here, he may want two.

- I always double bag her, buddy.

- For the tenth time,

stop selling those rubbers for cash, Lyle.

Good day, good day.

- Well, well, well, if it isn't Lyle MacDonald.

I heard you're working down here at the drive in

under the table, Lyle,

I just had to come down and see it with my own eyes.

- Yeah, not under the table, over the table.

I'm claiming this shit.

- You're claiming this on your pogey report?

- It ain't that bad, to be honest.

I'm making $10 an hour.

- I never thought I'd see the day that you would go legit.

- And they don't just have me working here,

I'm usually up at the canteen.

At the end of the night, I get a garbage bag

full of popcorn, they got free pop.

- Holy fuck, Lyle, you've hit rock bottom.

- Speaking of rock bottom,

I hear you're a fugitive of the law.

- Yeah, because of your betraying old man.

If I ever get my hands on that old quiff,

I'll give him a good thrashing.

- I'd like to give that old quiff a good thrashing myself.

- Yup.

- Morning, boys!

- I told you you were a new dad to me, you prick!

- And you went and narced me fucking girlfriend!

- She's my girlfriend.

- She's mine, I fucking love her.

- I love her.

- Now boys, I know you're both upset and

you have every reason to be.

And now I've done some narcing for that Lockwood fella,

but it was him who turned in the evidence.

- Bullshit.

- Well look, he gave a reward, it's all yours, take it.

[laughing]

I guess I lost a little on the ponies last night.

Yeah, that horse cock Hannibal, he's due, he's due.

No, no, no, no, before you kill me,

I think you better listen to something.

Now just a moment.

[laughing]

[farting]

I better fast forward that.

- [Trudi] So they both wanted to go bare pole

the first time?

- [Bethany] I took the rubber off and made screw.

Sex felt way wickeder without it.

- [Trudi] Yeah, way wickeder.

- [Bethany] I can't believe I'm pregnant.

And I don't know if the father's Gary or Lyle.

- Gary Gallant's gonna be a daddy!

- Fuck, it was me who knocked her up.

- Lyle, my dick's way better than yours.

I pumped my demon seed way up in those

virgin fallopian tubes.

- No, no, I've been eating oysters all fucking week,

boys, by the pack.

It's me that's holding the good stuff, boys.

- All right, now, boys, boys, look.

We gotta save my grandson from growing up in pogey town.

Look, I gotta do this for my sons.

- I don't wanna be this cunt's son!

- Yeah, me neither, you lied to me.

You told us you couldn't even have kids

with your poisoned pesticide sack.

- Pesticides?

Poisoned sack.

Oh, I got a plan, I got a great plan!

[exciting inspiring music]

[laughing]

Oh, drink up, little fishies, drink up.

Open your little mouths.

Bye little [inaudible].

- [Reporter] And breaking news,

a massive fish kill has wiped out all

the fish in the north of Prince Edward Island.

- Yo, fisherman, where are all the fish?

I've got a plant full of workers doing nothing.

- Are you fucked, cone head?

There's no fish out there.

Pesticide run off from them fucking farmers.

- Pesticide run off?

- Yeah, no bumper zones.

We told them to go organic, they wouldn't listen.

See how they like it when there's no fucking

lobster for Mother's Day next year.

- The fish plant, AKA pogey jail,

will now be forced to lay off all 27 of it's workers.

Lucky fucks.

- What does that mean?

- It means we all get our pogey!

[cheering]

- No, the fish will come back!

The fish will come back!

- See ya, dad.

- Bethany!

- Pogey, I don't wanna go on pogey.

- Fucking finally!

- About fucking time we got you out of there.

- Thank you, son, you finally saved me.

- Well, like fuck, it was him.

- Well, what's the matter with you then,

fucking around in Calvary, chasing after whores,

buying sports cars and carrying on like an arse hole?

We're gonna have a dinner tonight, son,

it's gonna be a family dinner, I'd like you to come.

I love you.

And don't be fucking late!

- I love you too, mom.

- Did you guys do this?

- Yeah, we might've had a little something to do with it.

- Okay, I have to tell you guys something important.

I'm pregnant.

- Yeah, I was the one that knocked you up.

- Like fuck, it was me, Lyle!

- Like fuck, it was me, Gary!

- I'm the one that screwed her first.

Her ovaries are carrying my baby!

- Eh, fuck, she wasn't carrying anything of yours

when I hooked onto her.

- Well, how the fuck does my dick taste?

- Who said anything about going down on her, come on.

[fun rock music]

And that right there's how we saved

everyone from pogey jail.

- The fishermen versus farmer war lasted a decade.

The lobster and the fish eventually came back

after a few years.

The potato farmers went organic,

we moved the pogey jail to Moncton.

- That dirty little asshole.

- So who's the real king of Pogey Beach?

- We got the beach back.

- [Lyle] Yeah, we got a good stamp of her, that's for sure.

- [Gary] I love this beach.

- Thank you, lads, you both saved Pogey Beach.

You're kings in my book.

Maybe you should hang onto that.

And look at the cans!

I'm gonna eat well this winter.

- Bethany, Bethany!

- Hi, dad.

- What are you doing back down in this fucking beach?

- Celebrating.

- Celebrating, I'm ruined!

- I'm pregnant.

- Oh god, not my little girl!

- And you're just gonna have to accept it, dad.

- Accept what?

- That you're gonna be grandad, dad.

I've decided to stay on PEI and have the baby.

I'm gonna get some pretty good maternity pogey.

- Maternity pogey?

Which one of you no good pogey bums

knocked up my little girl?

- That was me!

- Like fuck, it was me!

- Ah, fuck, it was me, Gary!

- Well you messed with the wrong little girl!

She used to be pure but

now she's carrying one of your filth!

- I'll impregnate you right now!

- You no good bogey sons of bitches!

- What I don't get is how did mom get pregnant

by both my dads, that's impossible.

- I'm your biological father, top stamp.

- Uncle Trent!

- Yeah, Uncle Trent and your mom had a little romp

there when she worked at the fish plant, you see.

- Oh yeah, quite the morning break that was, boys,

I'll tell yas.

- Our sperm's a lot like us, they don't work at all.

It's Trent here with all the working man seed.

- [Gary] We couldn't let a working man raise you,

we had to raise you the right way.

- The pogey way.

- Good day, good day, good day.

What's all the fucking stir tonight, boys.

- Bethany.

- Hey, mom!

- Hey, hey, hey!

- Snap back 2000 slinging bait at the wharf.

Not a bad little haul.

- I got $4,900 my first pogey check, not too shabby, eh?

That fourth question was a tricky fucker.

- I'm so freaking proud of you, top stamp.

- I sure did learn a lot today, thanks dads.

- You're a real Gallant now, boy.

- MacDonald.

- You want a beer, dad?

Dad?

- Here, put that in his mitts.

- Grampie.

- A cheers to Top Stamp keeping the PEI pogey

tradition alive.

- Cheers.

- Now let's get shittered!

- [Trent] I can't get shittered,

I got the night shift at the turnip plant.

- Damn you, Pogey Beach!

Skanks.

[fun rock music]

♪ Losing my job was a bad sensation ♪

♪ I thought that I could use a good vacation ♪

♪ Found a place where all the girls go ♪

♪ Now I'm drawing top stamp and they love me so ♪

♪ You bring the bottle, I'll bring the hooch ♪

♪ You can kick off your shoes but keep on your boots ♪

♪ Because looking for work is a full time job, kids ♪

♪ Ask anyone, ask Premiere Rob Ghiz ♪

♪ Pogey Beach, everybody loves you ♪

♪ Pogey Beach, everybody goes ♪

♪ Pogey Beach, give me the money and set me free ♪

♪ On Pogey Beach ♪

♪ No, no, no, yes, no ♪

♪ No, no, no, yes, no ♪

♪ I've been to Cavendish, Brackley and Keppoch ♪

♪ Basin Head ain't no where as epic ♪

♪ As this one place on Prince Edward Island ♪

♪ Takes five weeks, you better start filing ♪

♪ Pogey Beach, everybody loves you ♪

♪ Pogey Beach, everybody knows you ♪

♪ Pogey Beach, give me the money and set me free ♪

♪ Pogey Beach, everybody loves you ♪

♪ Pogey Beach, everybody goes ♪

♪ Pogey Beach, give me the money and set me free ♪

♪ Pogey Beach, everybody loves you ♪

♪ Pogey Beach, everybody goes ♪

♪ Pogey Beach, give me the money and set me free ♪

♪ On Pogey Beach ♪

♪ Ah, Jesus ♪