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I grew up in a really brutal household.

There was a lot of physical abuse, emotional abuse.

On my 15th birthday,

my father woke me up and kicked me out of the house.

That was the last time I've seen anybody in my family.

I was 15-years-old

with a grocery bag full of clothes and that was it.

And I was thumbing down the highway,

trying to figure out what to do next,

and this guy picked me up.

It didn't take him very long

to figure out what was going on,

and he gave me a place to stay and a job, you know.

On the condition that I kept going to school.

Then he taught me how to cook.

There was this girl, Susan, that I met,

and we fell in love

and we got pregnant.

It just kind of blew me away.

I was still a kid, but now I'm gonna have a kid.

And then we had the baby, and...

It was amazing. I mean...

There's this little

thing... There's this baby there,

and it's alive and it needs you for everything right now.

It can't...

The only thing it knows how to do right now

is breathe and poop.

It's depending on you for

everything else you need to do.

And that was just like...

It was really, really overwhelming, you know.

It was just... Wow.

Up until that point, my biggest concern was

putting gas in my car.

You know, what was I going to have for dinner?

And now, there's something dependent on me.

It was... It was...

It was an awakening, it really was.

So how are you all doing?

You guys have been here for about...

Well, some of you for years,

and some of you just got here.

Let's start with you.

You've been here a very short time.

What do you think of this place?

I mean, I enjoy living here.

I mean, the rent's not killing us

or anything like that.

It's an adjustment from prison?

Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, it definitely took some adjustment

just getting used to

living outside and stuff like that.

How long do you think it takes to kind of decompress?

I've decompressed a lot,

but I wouldn't say that I'm totally there yet.

Okay, okay.

I still got some quirks.

I've been out for six years and I'm still decompressing.

- Really? Wow. - Yes, sir.

That's why I like being here in the park.

I'm fairly insulated.

I mean, I can still branch out and go do what I gotta do,

but here I'm kind of insulated.

Everybody's been through what I've been through, so...

You know, there's that understanding.

People can talk when you stop on the street.

Instead of just saying hi,

they stop and talk about what they're going through.

Yeah. I've been able to open up more here,

'cause I never had that opportunity before.

So, that's actually a very good thing for me.

The strength is in the camaraderie,

and that's what makes this place work.

I'm only here couple of hours a week.

It's you guys being there for each other

that makes the difference.

I usually get bored.

That's one of the...

the big problems for me, if I start to get bored,

I start looking for some trouble to get into.

Idle hands, tools of the devil.

An average day, I would go to work for six-seven hours.

I would come home. I would either play a computer game,

or surf the Internet, or look at pornography

until I fell asleep.

That was my life.

I was choosing unhealthy things,

specifically the pornography,

to spend time with.

Between the first time I had sex,

and the time I got arrested,

any girlfriend that I had, it was always

me trying to push 'em towards sex.

I had convinced myself in my head

that, you know, everybody else is having sex.

When I finally had a girl that I was interested in,

she rejected me.

So I got really angry that night.

I didn't have anything else to do,

and I borrowed a car from family that was there

and drove all the way to Mexico.

I drove around for maybe two or three hours,

looking for the red light district.

I couldn't find a prostitute.

I'd just get angrier and angrier and angrier.

Finally,

I found this little girl.

And she was walking with her cousin

and I grabbed her and I threw her into the car

and I drove off.

They were closer to his house.

And the little cousin ran over to the house.

And...

And his uncle, or whoever it was,

they hop in the car and they start chasing me

all over kingdom come.

Finally I'm able to lose them...

And...

That's when I did my...

I did those... I raped her.

Florida Justice Transitions

is a program designed to transition felons,

or at risk populations in general,

back into society

so that they may become productive citizens.

All of the staff here are sex offenders

that have been through the program themselves

and they want to give back.

I was convicted of solicitation via the Internet.

And I came here out of prison.

Because I needed a place to live, I didn't have anybody.

I didn't know what my family thought at that time.

I wasn't speaking to them.

I got quite involved immediately.

I took it over from Nancy due to her health failing,

and so she asked me if I would help.

And I came in and I helped for a while

and then I took it over from her.

A typical resident,

when they come into our program,

they generally stay for the life of their probation

and the counseling provided by Don Sweeney

is essentially a two year program.

A sex offender in the state of Florida

is an individual who committed a sex crime,

which is a very large list

of things that could qualify somebody

to be actually labeled as a registered sex offender.

The typical reaction of a normal citizen

is, "We don't care.

They committed the crime, so, we don't care if they die."

Not to mention I'll be restoring sheds and renting them out.

I'm gonna call them a house.

- Really? - Right. Like these.

I spend nine hours a day

working in a back breaking job

for $9 an hour.

Those are the people that are gonna hire you.

Guys who need the help and a high turnover job,

and are gonna pay very little money for the effort.

What do you do to change it?

The change is unlikely.

You're just gonna have to do what you did in prison

and do what you gotta do to

survive on a day to day basis.

That's all you can do.

I disagree.

I think you have to, uh,

take it outside yourself and look at the bigger picture.

Nobody's gonna stand up and fight for us.

That's why we've gotta do something about it now.

Thanks for the drink, guys.

Bill, thank you for your company, buddy.

Enjoyed having you over.

Well, I'd hoped that Bill would stay longer.

He ain't got no choice.

What is this? Is he on some kind of a...

He's on house arrest.

- He is? - Yeah.

I had no idea.

He got I think it was like two years on house arrest

because he failed to register an alternate address.

He'd been staying with his girlfriend.

You know, he's allowed to run out to Home Depot

or something like that.

You know, for stuff for the park.

But other than that, he's supposed to be here.

And his shopping time is 5:00 to 7:00 on Saturdays.

I was convicted of

attempted capital sexual battery.

And I spent a total of 12 years incarcerated.

I'm a maintenance and security here,

so I get up every morning

and I go to the office to see

if there's any maintenance issues

that popped up overnight.

If there are, I'll handle them.

If they're not, then I go back to rebuilding the trailers.

There's a lot of people out in the world

that don't think very rationally

about how to handle us.

So, you get a lot of vigilantes.

You get a lot of people that

wanna come in here starting trouble,

or they're a little drunk,

so, they want to come in here and start trouble.

with the "baby rapers" as they call us.

So, it's my job to make sure that our residents are safe.

5:15.

I write down my time, my mileage,

everywhere I'm going.

I have a little green dot on a computer

to tell 'em where I am any time.

But I still have to write all this down.

It's silly.

Here we are.

Sorry about Waldo, Lloyd.

Yeah, well...

This is gonna sound like a really stupid question.

What the hell is that?

That was in my dryer when I went to put my clothes in.

It's a sack of rats.

Somebody left it there?

It was just sitting in my dryer.

I thought it might be a little bag of socks or something.

How you doing?

I'm doing.

I'm still here, I'm still alive, still kicking.

Worry about your shift for right now.

Yeah, right? That's what I'll worry about.

I called my parents,

I said, "look, I need somebody to help me out."

Good morning, guys. Nothing new?

Yeah, there's one...

Just the one for Volano?

- Yeah. - All right.

I gotta take care of that today.

All right.

See you guys.

I grew up in an extremely abusive home.

When I was six-years-old,

there was a babysitter that used to

fondle me, my brother.

Do things to us sexually.

She would threaten that

if I didn't do what she wanted me to do,

then she would tell my parents that I didn't behave

and I knew I was gonna get a beating.

So, I got a choice between feeling good or feeling pain,

so I would always choose to feel good.

She would get us naked.

She would do things to us with her panties.

She would masturbate us. She would

rub her vagina on our faces.

That kind of thing.

And we didn't tell our parents a whole lot of anything.

We were more scared of our parents.

The same babysitter, she had brought this doll over.

It was a stuffed doll, life sized for us at the time.

And she cut a hole in the thing

where the vagina should be.

And showed my brother how to have

intercourse with this doll.

Well, my mother walked in

and saw my brother doing this one day,

and she ended up putting Tabasco sauce

on my brother's penis

and then making him go sit out on the curb.

And to this day I can remember that kid howling,

'cause he was in so much pain.

I mean, she put Tabasco sauce on his penis!

She didn't ask him, "Where did you learn that?"

She just punished him.

So, no, we didn't talk about it.

Well, I was raised outside of Chicago.

That's where I met Susan.

I was actually 16 and she was 15 when we got pregnant.

I didn't know what to do, so I joined the Navy.

You know, I can do 20 years in the Navy

and retire and learn a trade or whatever.

But at least that way the family would be taken care of.

So, I did that.

Then we got married,

had the baby.

It was the most joyous, happiest time of my life.

I mean, here's a baby.

This is a piece of me. We did this.

It was so cool.

It was really cool.

About a year after he was born,

we went to Chicago for Christmas.

And we were driving down Highway 10, I think it was,

and my car broke down.

Two o'clock in the morning.

Got a one-year-old son and my wife in a car...

So, I was gonna go get some help,

rather than carry the baby around.

And when I came back from getting some help...

Of course, back then there was no cell phones or anything.

And when I came back from

making a phone call...

there was a tractor trailer

sitting on top of my Volkswagen.

And, um...

They were killed.

Sorry.

They were killed by a drunk driver.

The guy was sleeping with

a bottle of Jack Daniels in his lap.

They fine him $500

and took away his license for six months.

I went on a 20 year spin off. I just...

tried to kill myself for 20 years.

I did everything I could extreme.

I got into drugs, I got into partying.

Everything dangerous that I could do.

I just...

stopped really caring.

All right, everybody.

You guys ready?

What would you like to talk about today?

I feel I'm set up for failure every day.

Yes.

I got a probation officer telling my job,

"Why'd you hire a sex offender?

Are you crazy?" I got a probation officer

telling my landlord that I was masturbating to children

when I wasn't. I was a flasher.

The law says that they

have to contact the potential employer

within 30 days of hire.

But they're not supposed to scare the employer either.

Every job has said horrible things

to every one of the employers that I've had.

That's defamation of character.

We can actually all get together

and tell them to shut it down.

Your employer will see for him or herself.

They are gonna make their own decisions.

If you're a good worker...

- Okay? - If they give you a chance.

If you do a great job and you're an offender,

then other co...

The HR department will allow other offenders

to come into that company.

And that's happened a lot with us.

Have a great day.

I was hired back in 1983,

to treat the victims of sexual abuse.

What was going on was,

once the system came in

and started breaking up the family

and arresting the perpetrator,

the kids realized that

the family wasn't gonna get any help.

Then they would recant.

Recant means they would say, "Oh, I made it up."

Then they'd release the offender from jail

and the Civil Child Protection Authorities would move in

and take the kid and put the child in foster care,

the victim.

My job was to make sure the kids didn't recant.

I found out by just listening to them,

that if I was willing to talk to their offenders,

and try to help them somehow,

they wouldn't recant.

And my only obligation was to go to the jail

and visit the offender,

and try to help them get some treatment.

But there was no treatment.

So, that forced me to start counseling for the men.

All right.

You take care of yourself.

All right, buddy, I'll see you.

Bye bye, now.

What about that wall there?

You got it fixed?

- Yeah. - Right, that way.

There's a bunch of boxes right here.

Okay.

I don't have any foam other than what's here.

I think I have a wall here.

Yeah, just start there

and just carry it all the way through.

Just like you did in my house.

You don't have to change this...

Uh, we don't know if it's going to work.

Kettle corn.

That's what this is.

Thank you.

I don't know what flavors these are,

they are donated.

We have that one, too.

Yeah, that's good.

We want that one.

Do you have that one?

My dad said, "You're gonna help me clean my room."

And I said, "Okay."

You know, like, "I get to go with daddy."

And my little sister, she's four years younger than me,

she was still a baby in a little play pen.

So, we went down the hall and went to the bedroom,

and he locked the door.

And he said, "You know that you're daddy's girl,

and I love you, and I just wanna share this with you."

When my mom would go to work,

and he was home,

certain songs would come on the radio.

He would look at me and I knew it was gonna be time again.

Even now, if they come on,

I cringe.

I know there were

other men my mom dated

that did things to us as well.

But the only two men that I remember

is my dad and Glen.

One day, Glen had...

raped me...

You know, because I was already damaged goods,

so, it wouldn't matter if one more man did.

And, um...

I remember laying there crying,

and he slapped me and told me

that if he wanted everyone to know

what he was doing to me, he would take...

this ho and put me in the street.

And I shut up. I didn't say anything else.

But after that,

it caused my body...

I guess all I can tell you is it cause my body

to want those same feelings.

And I didn't know how to make myself feel those feelings

except for to act the same thing on someone else.

So, I did, with my cousin.

And my aunt tore off a tree branch

and whipped me and whipped me and whipped me,

and told me that I was going to hell.

And that I was not going to be like my father.

That was my second grade year,

'cause they took us away that year.

Like you, I don't have a whole lot of eloquent

words or speeches.

But sometimes we have a wake up call in our life.

When you read this...

It's really wild.

I went to five different homes between

second grade and fifth grade.

I started craving sex all the time.

With anybody.

It got to a point to where

it didn't matter who you were.

And when I was 11,

I was sleeping with a 16-year-old boy.

I didn't have a menstrual.

So, they took me to the thing.

They told me that...

they'd have to give me some medicine to help me sleep

to give me an exam.

When I woke up, I was bleeding again.

So, I was like, "Oh, okay." You know.

I'm 11-years-old. I don't know.

They told me that I'd just been sick,

and I was fine now.

I still slept around, still did everything,

but it did come back. They told me that

all of my insides were messed up

from being messed with when I was little.

That I would never carry a child.

That they had gave me an abortion and I didn't know.

Electronic monitoring is a device

that the offender carries on

their waist or in their pockets.

It reports to a satellite,

and their probation officer

can see at any time of the day or night

where they are.

It does pinpoint to within three feet of where they are.

All sex offenders are asked to go report

to the Sex Offender Registry,

that tells the Sheriff's Department

where they live, where they work,

what car they're driving, what email address they have,

if they're going to school, which school they're going to.

And they have to do that a minimum of twice a year,

every single year.

Anybody that lives in the community

can got to the Sheriff's Department website

and see who's living next door to them.

They also have applications on cell phones now...

And people have it.

It's called Offender Locater. Right here.

And if you press on it,

it will ask you, "Use current location?"

And then it searches.

And there you go.

It brings up anybody within a radius

of where we're currently at.

It reports their names.

It gives their picture.

It shows any aliases.

It gives a current address.

It gives their crime.

What crime they committed.

The date of the crime.

Gender, date of birth.

Height, weight, hair color and eye color.

I was arrested in one of those internet stings.

I replied to a Craigslist ad for sex

for a 30-year-old woman.

- 30? - Thirty was the age in the ad.

And you were 22 at the time?

Yes.

I had responded to several ads that night.

That was the only one that replied back to me.

We started talking.

She said she wanted to include her 14-year-old daughter.

You mean, bring her along? Or...

Oh, I was going to their place.

So, like, she wanted me to have sex with the daughter.

And I was saying stuff,

what I would like to do with the mother,

and they keep pushing.

And in hindsight it's so obvious.

Their tactics are so childish.

But I was caught up in it.

All that shows up in the police report is the one thing

she got me to say about the daughter.

She pressured me into saying that.

I still showed up.

And it was a sting. Got arrested.

You know, you're very smart. You got a master's degree.

So, this about is kind of an emotional immaturity.

You got suckered into something.

Do you look at it like an addiction piece?

I would just kind of look for attention with...

I'd just talk to people online.

Usually just chit-chatty stuff, talk about food.

Just attention.

And that night I wanted attention.

So, you were at the wrong place at the wrong time,

on the wrong website, with the wrong--

- Yes. - ...undercover police officer.

Yes.

There are a lot of young kids

that got sucked into the internet sex

law enforcement stings,

which are increasing in frequency.

That's pure entrapment.

They're not child molesters. They're not.

That's what they're being labeled.

That's a testament to how desperate they are

to keep the sex offender machine going.

The real offenders are the families.

They're not reporting anything,

so now they're manufacturing them.

They'll spend money on the prison system,

which is the money maker for politicians

and governments now.

You can take out stock on Wall Street

in prisons in Florida.

I discovered in prison

that violence makes me physically ill.

I was in the library

and someone got punched in the face.

It was just one punch to the face.

I had stomach ache the whole day.

Prison was awful. The food is horrendous.

The guards treat you horribly.

But I made some friends in there.

My mother wrote me every single day.

My girlfriend wrote me multiple times a week.

My friends, my professors, my father...

So, I got a lot of mail.

So, I was fortunate.

June 26th was my sentencing hearing.

The state attorney, who was supposed to be against me,

didn't have anything to say.

He said, "Whatever you wanna do, Judge."

You could tell he didn't really wanna send me away.

But he's got a job to do.

So, the judge took it on himself.

And when it came down to sentencing,

he gave me one year, one day in prison,

and three years probation.

So, unlike most people,

he actually gave me less than the cap.

So then they sent me

seven hours North

to a prison camp away from my family.

I was always a family man.

I was always a good father.

I had a beautiful wife,

two beautiful sons,

great job.

You know, was living the life.

It was a 10 minute conversation

in a chat room,

with an individual that said they were 14-years-old.

Turned out to be a cop.

And got convicted of soliciting a minor.

Go find some place else to live.

You've been evicted.

It's never gonna be like it used to be back home.

It destroyed our lives.

My wife, she had to sell our home.

She couldn't afford it without my salary.

And she was mad.

I wanted to kill myself because I was so stupid.

My two sons and I were very, very close.

Very close.

And they just had a real hard time dealing with it.

But they finally came to see me.

I have a picture in my bedroom

hanging on the wall of the first time.

And that was, uh...

It was good.

I met Richard...

That was in August.

October 1st I found out I was pregnant.

Wasn't supposed to get pregnant.

So, I didn't do anything

to keep from getting pregnant.

My grandma told me I couldn't live with her.

My grandmother, my aunts...

'Cause they're from, you know,

that time of life where you have to be married

to have a baby.

So I went and told Richard that

we were having a baby, we have to get married.

I married him November 13th,

I left him December 6th the same year.

He tried to run me over with the car.

He blew a rod through my motor

and got me kicked out of my trailer,

all on the same night.

I was three-four months pregnant.

I had nothing.

And the next year,

I wound up marrying Steve.

Dustin was born in May of '94.

I can't remember what his first words...

were.

I really can't remember when he took his first steps.

I was drinking

and secretly drinking.

And that's the worst kind,

because you're always trying to hide everything,

and trying to be so perfect

that you don't want anybody to know.

And Steve didn't drink.

Steve didn't do drugs.

Steve was like...

you know, the boy next door

that everybody wants their daughter to marry.

And that drove me crazy.

I left him when Dustin was two-years-old.

And I'd started

talking and seeing my dad again.

And had started sleeping with my dad again.

And I know this must sound really sick,

'cause I still can't wrap my hands around it.

And I still love him to death, I mean...

I don't hate him.

I didn't even...

At one time I had, like, some really crazy

things in my head that I wanted to do to my dad.

But that changed

over years.

And then...

I was talking to guys and stuff online,

and was going to those, uh,

naturalists and nudists websites.

And I had met this guy. We'd been talking for, like,

two or three months.

And he knew my story about my dad.

He knew that I was sleeping with my dad.

And um...

He had talked to Dustin a couple of times.

Dustin was eight.

And I didn't think nothing of it.

And then one time

it had gotten really bad with me and my dad.

And I had told my dad that I couldn't do it anymore.

And...

I was crying to Dominic, was the guy

on the computer.

And...

Dominique told me, he said,

"Well, Tracy, there's one thing we can do."

And he said, "I'll take care of you.

I'll take care of Dustin."

He said, "I'll send you the money."

You know, he said Western Union,

I will have money to get here.

He said, "All you have to do..."

He said, "All you have to do is ask Dustin

if he'll have sex with you and let me watch.

And it'll be okay if he says yes."

And I kept thinking

how much I loved Dustin.

And how much I knew he loved me.

And I was like, "I can't do that."

And I kept drinking.

And he kept talking and he kept telling me,

"I'll take care of you. You'll be okay.

You'll be away from him, he won't do it again,

it'll never happen again."

So, one night I was sitting there,

Dustin was sitting there.

And I took him and I said, "Dustin," I said,

"I love you." And he said, "I know, Mama."

I've never ever, ever told this

to nobody.

He was my baby.

He was my baby.

And then I took that trust

and that day he hated me.

I came from a household

where I never really learned how to care,

and then once I finally cared about something,

it just got snatched away from me.

I figured the thing to do was stop giving a shit.

And then I met a woman...

Uh, Stephanie.

And she had a daughter when I met her.

That was a "I should have never gotten married" wish.

But, you know, you think you're doing the right thing.

Because of the experience with the baby sitter,

I developed this...

I don't know if you wanna call it a fetish

with women's panties.

When it first started, it was my mother's panties.

And my father would find out,

and I would get beat up.

And I really was ashamed. There was this...

horrible dirty thing.

Matter of fact, I once let my girl Stephanie

think I was cheating on her

rather than tell her the truth.

Because she found a pair of panties in the bed.

And one day,

the daughter was having a sleepover

and all the wives were out partying.

About two o'clock in the morning,

I was in my bedroom, smoking a joint,

watching pornography

and masturbating.

And all of a sudden this little girl

walked into my room,

to get a glass of water.

The next day talked to her mother about it,

told her what had happened.

They said that I touched her daughter,

despite the fact that the daughter said I never did.

So, I got five years of probation for that.

About four and a half years into that probation,

I got a dirty urine for smoking pot,

and that was all they needed to send me to prison.

And then right around the same time

when I went to prison,

my girlfriend was at work,

and the 12 year old daughter came into my bedroom

and said, "Look, Billy. I can wear my mommy's panties."

That kind of threw me over the edge,

and I started masturbating in front of her.

And that was my second conviction.

I was definitely guilty there.

She's a 12 year old girl,

she didn't need to be exposed to that.

I'm the adult.

I'm supposed to take control of that situation

and not abuse it.

What's up, Matt?

How did it go in court?

I tried to get that electronic monitoring.

I tried to get that knocked down in half,

but they said that they can't change something like that.

It's so expensive. I can't afford it.

It's $8000.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, so, it's just...

They put me in a big hole with this box.

Hey, Mike, is Gary home?

- Who? - Your roommate.

I don't know. I'll see. Come on in.

I can't. You got it locked.

Hey, Gary.

Hey was that your friends on the bikes a little while ago?

Yeah.

Hey, listen, if they don't like sex offenders,

they don't need to come in our park.

I don't need 'em bad mouthing us, talking about pedophiles.

All right? I don't need that.

If they can't be respectful,

they don't need to come in the park.

All right, Bill.

All right, man.

How you doing?

By the way you dropped a Butterfinger on the floor

at class, Saturday.

Did you get it?

I picked it up and I put it on the table.

It's kind of, uh...

Kind of a complex situation...

I guess.

You still try to work these things out

years later.

And I went through a long period where

I probably could have convinced anybody

I was telling the truth.

Long period of denial.

I had myself convinced.

Accepting responsibility becomes...

probably the single most important thing

that anyone in my situation can do.

Believe it or not,

I think just about all of us have a conscience.

And, um...

The conscience really works on you.

It makes it become the most important thing to you,

that you address the issue and make it right,

before you can move on.

I'm a homosexual.

And I ran from that.

And just like with any other

issue that you have left on its own,

it goes unresolved,

and it was a driving force behind my offense.

It's too easy to say that's the reason.

The real fault

lies with the individual.

The real fault lies with me.

'Cause I don't want people to get the idea

that you can just point to one thing

and say that was it.

"Oh, I was molested when I was a child, so..."

That's a trigger,

that's a catalyst.

But it's not the end result.

He made bad decisions.

My name is Will. I was convicted of two counts

of lewd, lascivious molestation.

One against an eight year old,

and one against a 13 year old.

They were completely different

in terms of approach,

but what it really boiled down to,

was it was a couple of crimes of opportunity.

The first was someone I knew.

We were rough-housing a little bit, but,

in my mind he could say yes.

Children do wanna play.

And rough-housing's okay, and wrestling.

They're not thinking along sexual lines.

So they're just innocently going along with it.

And if they like you...

I don't know your crime or you all that well,

but I think it would be really interesting a year from now

to ask you that same question

and see if you still think it was a crime of opportunity.

There was a lot of setup that I wasn't aware of.

There was a lot of fantasy that I wasn't aware of.

I swore to God that was a crime of opportunity.

It presented itself and I capitalized.

And I found out through a lot of therapy,

and a lot of talking to friends,

and a lot of thinking,

that I set it all up without even knowing it.

There's things they call sub seemingly unimportant decisions,

things we make. "Why did I go this way at work today?"

Whatever it is.

And I didn't know it.

It took years and years for me to figure it out.

But a year from now I'd be really interested to see

how you're gonna answer that same question.

What about relationships?

Were you in a healthy adult relationship at the time?

I was in an extraordinarily unhealthy relationship.

So, that was a piece of the puzzle as well.

First of all, it was with a female,

which was a mistake right from the pat.

Because I'm not heterosexual.

So you were trying to be something you weren't?

- Yes. - So, it was a way for you

to break out and accept who you were?

Yeah, it's not an excuse. I agree.

No, not at all.

It is part of the puzzle.

But you have to look at the causes.

Because if you don't identify causes,

you can't address them.

Now that you've taken care of that problem,

'cause you're brutally honest about it,

and you've come full circle and accepted who you are,

you're not afraid of the subject matter anymore?

No.

That's half the battle right there.

The state of Florida has this program

called the Jimmy Ryce Center.

And it's where they send sex offenders

after their prison sentence,

until they determine that they're not,

probably go commit more crimes.

They send you to Jimmy Ryce for what they call

"long term control, care and treatment".

They have this machine called the PPG,

and basically what it is is,

a wire with a meter,

some sort of a sensor attached to your penis,

and that's hooked to a computer and they show you

pornographic images

somewhere akin to your crimes.

And the idea is to measure your penis growth,

you know, through arousal.

Another one they would use would be taste.

You'd have to taste something horrible,

or even sometimes pain.

They'd take a thumb tack and stick it in your thumb,

or a rubber band and snap it on your wrist or something like that.

And the idea is to try to separate

sexual arousal with deviant behaviors.

I spent eight and a half years there.

I've always told people that there wasn't a single day

that I wanted to be there.

But I was there.

There was nothing I could do about it.

And I figured, you know,

despite the fact that I was already 40,

it was time for me to grow up.

♪ It's starting To turn winter ♪

♪ And the nights Are growing cold ♪

♪ With a crick in my neck Downstairs I check ♪

♪ For a blanket I can hold

♪ I can't remember When I last bathed ♪

♪ It seems so long ago

♪ With dirty clothes And filthy hair ♪

♪ There's no place I can go ♪

♪ Yes, I am the homeless

♪ I sleep beneath the stars

♪ In rundown shacks By railroad tracks ♪

♪ And in old, abandoned cars

♪ It's a life Not of my choosing ♪

♪ And that shall be My legacy ♪

♪ Without a home The streets I roam ♪

♪ There's no future

♪ For me

Dustin was still eight,

and we had enrolled him in the YMCA.

One day I went to go pick him up

and they told me, "We can't let you have Dustin.

He's not here."

I said, "What do you mean I can't have him?

Where's he at?"

And the woman pulled me in the room,

and she told me what he had said.

Him and a bunch of little boys were

all talking,

and they were talking about sex.

Like nine-ten year old boys do.

And...

And he had said he had had sex before,

and they said, "No, you haven't."

And he said yeah, he had. He had had sex with his mom.

And they got the counselors and everything,

and they took him.

And, um...

They took him to, like...

Like a group home,

juvenile place.

And they let me go see him with supervision and stuff.

And...

one thing that I hated about my father,

'cause he would never tell me he was sorry.

Or that I was right,

and that he was wrong for what he did.

And I didn't wanna do that to Dustin.

So, one of the first things that I did when I seen him

is I gave him a hug

and I told him that I wasn't mad.

I was actually...

I was glad it was over.

I didn't have... I could...

breathe.

I don't know if I can say that, but it was like...

everything that I was running...

And I didn't even know that I was running from.

Was over.

You know, he was safe now

and it was over.

And I called... They called...

The court people called Steve...

And the last day I seen him

they let me take him out to the little park where they had...

And, um, they had these swings.

And he was sitting on my lap, and I told him.

I said, "Dustin, I love you so much."

And I said, "I am so sorry for hurting you.

For doing everything."

I said, "Not just for that, but for everything.

For putting you

through everything...

that I've done to you.

The places, the people, everything."

And I said, "I'm not mad at you.

You did right. You did what you should've done,

and I'm proud of you."

And those were the last words I got to say to him.

And they just... left.

I was supposed to see him the next morning.

I didn't know those were going to be my last words.

But I wanted him to know,

because my whole life

I wanted my dad to tell me that.

My whole life I waited for that,

or for my mom to tell me she was sorry,

that she loved me.

And I wasn't gonna make him go through the same thing.

I turned myself in.

Went in, signed the paperwork.

I said, "Whatever my son said I did,

print it out, I'll sign it."

The judge looked at me and he says,

"Do you know what you're signing?"

I said, "I don't care."

He says, "Ma'am, what that books says

is that if they choose to, they could put you

in Jimmy Ryce for the rest of your life."

And I said, "I don't care."

The only thing... I wrote a letter,

and the only thing I asked

was if they would please put a stipulation

to where I could have contact with my son.

There's no healing in this business.

Once you convict the offender and send them off to prison,

the system disappears for the victim and the family.

There's no help.

So nobody's really working on what happened,

or what people think.

I don't want to demonize the victim business.

It's almost like a religion in this country.

But there's something wrong with it.

They only perceive women as victims,

they refuse to accept that men are victims.

They don't even wanna go near

the fact that the sex offenders are victims.

Offenders will continue to act out

until they're stopped

and they understand their behavior.

So, of you look at it mathematically,

treating one offender might prevent 10 more victims

from being created.

The DOC thinks all they have to do is sit on them

for five or ten years of probation

and then that's all that's necessary.

My take on it is

they have to really be re-trained

and change the way they live and think

about their own histories

and their own dysfunctional families,

and their own addiction issues,

so they can go out and

make some real changes in their own communities.

I see it a little more of a sociological issue

than law enforcement,

which is more of a containment issue.

All we wanna do is punish.

Castrate them.

And make their lives miserable.

And you know, a lot of people would say

they deserve it, and maybe they do.

But I'm a counselor.

I believe in doing what is gonna help,

not hurt.

I drove down to Mexico and raped a five year old girl.

I was having

relationship issues at the time.

And I...

went down there looking for a prostitute.

And when I didn't find that,

my thinking led me

to just start looking for any female I could find.

So, it's like an escape for you?

Sex is like a safety valve

when you're very frustrated, ready to blow?

Yes. That's a good way of putting it, yes.

You just have to somehow

discharge that energy and--

Or at the time, sex was the way I wanted to discharge

that pent up frustration.

Was it kind of revenge against your partner

who had broken your heart and let you down?

It was probably revenge against all women at that time.

All women? Okay. So there is an anger component.

Oh, yes. There was.

Do you believe it was something that was escalating?

Yes. Absolutely. I do.

Did you ever try to, like, tell your parents,

or talk to your best friend?

I was afraid. Just scared shitless.

Afraid to even talk about it with them,

because, like someone else just mentioned,

I wasn't sure if I was just voicing these thoughts and stuff.

It was gonna get me locked up.

It is an issue.

People that get in situations just don't know where to turn.

- That is an issue. - Right.

I agree with that.

Within nine months of my previous release,

I also started to view child pornography,

both rape porn... pornography

and child pornography.

So, this wasn't like exactly a new theme for you.

No, it wasn't--

It was something that was ongoing.

Yes, it has always been something in pornography that I watch.

I know that some fantasies that I've had...

Violence against women have been a real big thing about it.

And one of the things...

One of the things for me

is sharing that.

I do that with a very select group of people,

because some of it can be quite disturbing to other people.

I have to feel comfortable that they're not gonna...

That's not gonna change their opinion of me.

People like me...

I mean, the violent people like me...

There should be some labeling on us.

There needs to be...

for my tier,

which I would say is one of the higher tiers

of sex offenders,

There needs to be

some label on, so the police...

So some people maybe in the community know.

Not to punish 'em,

not to bring 'em down,

but for a way to help 'em.

Make sure they don't re-offend.

I would like to be a professor at a university,

teaching film studies

and publishing articles and books,

I've got to get my PhD.

The professor thing's still possible.

It's just gonna be harder now.

The school administrations might not want me.

So, I've just got to make my work that much better

and try to sell myself.

I like to think of myself as this, like,

angry Leftist punk guy, but like...

I try to be loving to the people close to me.

I try to do right by them.

I guess I'm a brutal feminist.

It's a bizarre thing,

especially in America, because it's...

still seen as negative, or seen as this radical thing

where you think women are better than men.

And all feminism means

is you believe men and women are equal.

As a felon, I can't vote, and I don't really care.

There's not gonna be a politician that

is gonna agree with my views anyway.

So, it's not a huge deal.

I'm always gonna be a loser.

Sometimes it still feels like,

I wake up and I'm like, "Is this real?

Is this a dream?"

It sounds like a cliche, but I've had days

where I'm like, "Oh, this can't possibly be real."

And I have to deal with all these restrictions.

But then I think of other people

who got off a lot worse than I do,

and I can't help feel a little fortunate.

Because no one got as light a sentence on my charges.

Everyone's getting between four and 12 years

and I got one.

But I have to register as a sex offender for the rest of my life.

I was sentenced to 11 years in prison

for lewd, lascivious

sexual battery on my eight year old son.

And, um...

a lot of circumstances around it.

But, um...

I was talkin' to a gentleman on the internet,

and he kept telling me that

if I asked Dustin for permission,

that it would be okay.

And...

Somewhere in my twisted

way of thinking, and--

Did your dad ask you permission?

Or pretend to give you control?

I was daddy's little girl.

And that was his way of showing me that he loved me.

And that's how he groomed you,

and he got you to, you know, respond.

"Sure, daddy."

- So-- -So that's why you would believe that.

- Yeah. - You were groomed the same way.

Right.

But it created

my son to offend when he was 13...

on a three year old little boy.

And he got sentenced to a year in juvie.

And now he's in prison

for...

armed robbery.

All behind trickle effects.

He never got therapy. I didn't get therapy.

My father never got therapy.

It's a cycle of dysfunctional,

almost addictive behavior

passed down.

It was a family trait,

and everybody in the family is affected by it.

Do you feel that,

you know, the powers that be,

the gods of the universe are trying to help you

sort all this out?

Or do you still feel yourself

as a victim being punished?

No, I don't see myself as a victim.

It's like, the other day

a guy made a comment in class about,

you know, sex offenders being monsters.

And not everyone is.

And I don't...

I don't believe that sex offenders are monsters.

Have you met any monsters in the palace?

No, just me.

Anybody that can take something...

In my mind, this is how I feel.

I took away the most innocent thing out of my son,

and created

and taught him things that he should've never known.

I think that if I would have been able

to have had someone allow me to

speak what I really wanted to,

or you know,

help me learn that that's not the way it's supposed to be.

You know what, I can't...

Just to be able to get help with it,

to where it doesn't wind up being

everything that you see and then you don't know the difference anymore,

and that's your life.

And that's the only avenue that you know.

So, that's what you do.

Not everybody goes that route.

But that's the part that I held on to,

because that was my dad and my dad loved me.

So, since my dad loved me,

then it was okay.

But my son wrote my probation officer

and asked to have contact with me,

that he had forgiven me,

and that he would like to rebuild

his relationship with me.

So, I'm working on that now.

On a motion for that.

I'm in college.

Just got my first 4.0 ever.

Ever.

And, um...

It's not as bad as it looks.

I made some changes in my life.

I made some changes in my thinking.

You know, how I respond to the world, how I react to the world.

I had one counselor. They took me in her office for six months.

And we would sit down for an hour and a half

so she could teach me how to cry.

'Cause I couldn't cry.

My parents beat all of that out of me.

There was no crying. That made it worse.

I didn't even cry when my son was killed.

But I've learned how to do that.

I've learned how to interact with people.

You know, I appreciate being able to socialize.

I believe this is it.

Right out here is Hanes Road.

And I sit on my porch in the morning,

and I have my cup of coffee. It's nice and quiet.

And one day,

I guess it was about six months ago,

a gentleman came flying up in his truck,

pointing a gun at me.

Telling me that

if I stalked his daughters he was going to kill me.

I don't know who this man is,

I don't know who his daughters are,

I don't know what he's talking about. So, I asked him.

Probably with a very shaky voice,

'cause there was a gun pointed at my face.

He thought I was stalking his daughters,

'cause they walked down this road to go to school.

And honestly, I never even noticed them.

There's a lot of people that walk up and down the street.

I don't pay attention to them, especially in the morning.

In the morning I'm thinking about what my day's gonna be.

And you know...

And when I talked to him, we actually sat down,

we had a cup of coffee together.

He turned out to be a nice guy.

And once he saw that I wasn't this monster that he thought I was...

He's actually been to back the house a couple of times.

Have a beer.

And we had dinner one night.

No street light and no city lights.

We always bitch about the system.

Probation this, this, this...

We get mad at society.

Society doesn't... They don't know any better.

They don't get any other story, because most of us

we don't wanna go and talk about this.

You know, we did this bad thing.

And we still have this bad self image.

Most of us got a low self esteem issue

that pretty much led to what we were doing

in the first place.

They're not gonna hear anything unless we tell 'em.

We have to humanize ourselves.

'Cause we're not human beings to them.

We're a title, we're a monster,

we're a bogeyman, whatever it is.

There's 120 people living in this park.

That's 120 ambassadors

that every day have an opportunity

to open somebody's eyes.

Every day.

The only way that's gonna happen

is you've got to go out and let people see

that you're a human being.

There's only two things that we can do in life

when things go wrong.

We're either a part of the problem,

or a part of the solution.

Hello. You got a minute?

You got a minute for an old friend?

Sure. Come on in.

My own son was arrested.

You don't believe it's gonna ever happen in your family.

And I took, I guess, my anxiety,

and tried to replace it with another energy.

And thus was born Florida Justice.

This was 20 years ago.

So much time has passed.

And everything's kind of moved on,

except for one thing, that stigma.

I can only ask you,

do you have a child?

We have a son.

You think he's perfect?

- Mmm-hmm. - Sure?

There's not a mother in the world

who doesn't hold that little child

and think, "Thank God.

It's the most wonderful present in the whole world."

But that child grows up

and that child does something bad.

He makes a mistake.

Just one.

Never to be forgiven.

These are mine. Everybody can have everything else.

You're starving everybody to death.

Good for you, girl.

...figure out that they could shelter in the toilets

overnight...

So, they put a timer on 'em.

So you put your little money...