Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

We have a liftoff, liftoff on Apollo 11.

The sun scorches through the day,

but at night this place will be terribly cold

and dark, with only the hint of starlight.

A shining system of lights will soon follow though,

as we cross, cross over from death to paradise,

a paradise of mankind.

The seat of kings,

and the very Earth their paupers will till.

This is Hollywood.

Hollywood is where movies come from, my dears.

That is its reason for being.

That's what gave it life, breathed into it.

And like God with Adam,

something was created from only dirt, dust, and water.

But what is today's Hollywood really like?

Indeed, we shall seek the answer.

Hollywood.

What is it now?

What about those with their finger,

no, not their finger, but their entire bodies

moving to the funk of the real Hollywood?

Do you know what Hollywood is?

Hello, I'm speaking to you.

What the hell are you doing here?

Do you know what-

- Hollywood?

Yes.

You want to see Hollywood?

Yes, we'd really like to know.

Hollywood's Mondo.

Mondo?

What's Mondo?

Sir, excuse me.

What's Mondo?

You gotta go see the man who knows.

Pardon, who?

The man who knows.

We must find him now.

This strange, inebriated fellow must tell us how.

Sir, where do we find the man who knows?

What is the address?

3125 Birkdale Court.

What is this Mondo?

Can we make sense of it,

or does it in fact defy such banalities as sense?

And just who is this man who knows, this Norman Boyle?

And yes hello, excuse me.

What's the meaning of this?

We're here to see Norman Boyle.

I like you man.

No one calls him Norman, all right.

His name's Boyle.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- Boyle? - Yeah.

It would be rude to call him Norman.

Are you groovy, man?

I think so.

Come on you guys, let's help him out.

He's cool man, he's fine.

All right.

Buzz man?

I must speak to this man.

I seek valuable information he possesses.

Guys, I'm gonna show him where Norman is.

All right.

Get some cake. Get some cake. Get some cake.

Excuse me sir, may I?

Boyle's in there man.

Oh my word.

Always pay your bills man.

Hello, I come here from the fifth dimension.

Can you help me in my quest?

Yeah, I don't know.

It depends on what it is.

I was told Hollywood is Mondo,

but what is Mondo?

They say, you know what it means.

Mondo, yeah yeah.

Huh?

That's heavy, man.

Have you ever lost someone?

Losing a loved one is, well, so not groovy.

You get it, then.

I lost my cat, Zappo.

I was devastated.

And then through my readings and other things, you know,

you realize that the bedrock nature

of the universe is horror.

However, there are forces that guide us, you know

like some grand puppeteer and we're marionettes

and our fingers are puppet strings.

They, I don't know, man.

Mondo is hard to explain.

I built this chair.

I had this vision.

I don't know man, ever since I lost Zappo

I started dedicating myself to my work.

Let me take you to the mirror.

It'll make more sense.

In my vision, I saw the Titans,

the Weirdos,

and the Dreamers.

And I started growing magic mushrooms for all three.

Grow 'em, process 'em.

I add a secret step, which I can't tell you about,

and then I turn the horror into beauty.

See? Titans, Weirdos, Dreamers.

I can't explain exactly what Mondo is,

but I bet if you went and saw Titans, Weirdos, the Dreamers,

you'd find Mondo.

I'm sorry about your cat.

Boyle, we got an agreement, okay?

I give you low rent,

and you're supposed to take care of my property.

But ever since Zappo's been gone.

You've got a major rat problem.

I can replace you, easy.

One craigslist, just like that.

Sorry about your Zappo.

Call the exterminator right now.

Rat trap.

Tape.

I'm gonna gas these rats.

The Titans, the first on our list.

Like the proto-gods of yore,

the Titans are imposing, if not everlasting.

No fuck ups, and things delivered.

That's my job as Chief Operating Officer

of Paveway Pictures.

We've got it.

We did Academy Award-nominated films,

tasteful arts, selected at Cannes.

You name it, we've got it.

Right now, I've got this sci-fi picture, "Speed of Light,"

"Twilight" in space.

But the Disney star's got in some problems.

It's my job to fix it.

Hi Tom.

Let's get this over with.

Cavity resonance.

Wait wait,

I'm supposed to be an alien.

Should I do a voice?

No.

Focus okay?

Cavity resonance.

What?

Another way to measure the speed of light

is to independently measure

the frequency and the wavelength

of the electromagnetic field.

Wow, you know your stuff.

I'm so happy to have met you.

You're the most important thing in my life.

What the fuck was that?

Science and feelings don't go together.

I mean, I want to do stuff with meaning.

I want to do like plays.

Oh my God, you'd be great in a play.

I'd be good in a play.

You'd be so good in a play.

I saw a play on the West End when I was in the UK.

So much ketamine.

So much.

I wish I had some.

Yeah, I was like seven years old,

and I was like, woah, this is intense.

Seven?

Can you just do me a biggie and cut up that watermelon?

But we just got here, there aren't any knives.

Illegal aliens are the hot topic.

No, not illegal aliens, Dick,

I know what a fucking illegal alien is.

Gaga, Trump.

Yeah, I'd rather be doing an illegal alien movie.

Fucking put me in a truck.

I believe in you.

That's why I represent you.

You're a loser.

Did Dick call?

No.

Oh wait, Yeah yeah.

Can you set up a meeting?

Hey man.

What up?

I tried that, she won't budge.

She insists her character wouldn't say those kind of things.

Listen, this director is not gonna take notes

from a fucking 17-year-old Disney actor.

Look, you can talk to her, all right?

I'll have Sam coordinate a time to meet.

Fine.

Just email Grace with some dates.

Look, you know, you guys are Latinx.

Yeah, sure.

All right, you got this.

Oh fuck.

Just a question,

what are the chances that we can recast Poloma?

I don't need an explanation, just a yes or no.

No.

Why, what happened?

Am I gonna see her tomorrow on TMZ with white powder

all over her nose,

crawling out of a club with a broken heel or what?

No, no, no, no. There's no problem.

What if I were your manager?

Shut your dirty little gay mouth.

You shut your little Latina face.

Let's do coconut and talk about it.

You know, I need to be doing

what Natalie Portman does, okay?

Not like Peyton List does.

I want perfume ads.

I feel like someone was after me,

like if TMZ was like after me,

like you would be there to cover my ass.

I wouldn't be like Britney with the shaved head,

you'd get me away.

How do I get on SNL?

Well, that's the question that I'm here to answer,

if I were your manager.

I'll do to the Disneyland castle

what Mohamed Atta did tower number one and two.

Oh my God, you wanna go outside?

Yeah.

Terrible idea.

Let's go in.

I mean Tupac just left LA.

He's alive, he's alive.

Tupac is still alive,

and he's like sad when people pretend he's dead.

Gross.

We got to go get blow, man,

This is ridiculous.

Come on man.

Whoa man.

You got to get another hand soap, man.

You can't use fucking bar soap for hand soap.

You know how much bacteria is on that stuff?

What's wrong with my hand soap?

It's shitty.

You use your hands.

You wash your hands all day,

and then you know, you get shitty soap. It's just-

- Smells like an Irish spring, I like it.

Get your beer.

Hey, so what's going on with this blow?

We going soon, or what's the deal?

I can't go tonight, man, I've got to deal with this.

What?

I can't go tonight.

What do you mean you can't go tonight?

We are going tonight.

That's what we decided on, we're gonna go tonight.

I can't go anymore.

I gotta deal with this.

You gotta, this was our plan.

You know, you understand my time is valuable.

You think it was my plan for a bunch

of rats to show up in my goddamn attic?

Dude, we'll go on Friday.

Friday?

Let's remember that.

Friday.

- Put in my... - want some?

No, I'm coming down now, hold the ladder.

Ain't nothing wrong with a little jake.

Tell me more about this soap you use for bumps?

For the hand soap, I use ,

which is, it's very good French soap.

It smells nice, great packaging, it's all that.

And it's something that's always there.

You don't have to use it all the time.

But for the body you can actually use a good bar of soap.

And I have this one.

It's got this charcoal magnesium,

which doesn't allow it to get all...

- Hold the ladder. - ...slimy, you know.

You take all the batteries

out of all the alarms in the house.

This is how human beings kill themselves.

You don't think I can kill a few rodents?

Precision, precision,

things get accomplished with precision.

Tug on that.

Pretty good, right?

Not bad.

We still should get a hose on the other side.

You ready?

What's going on here?

What's going on here?

Just some maintenance man, just working on the house.

No no no no, what's going on here?

Just some house maintenance, man.

Maintenance?

A hose is coming out of your car?

Hey, we're just having a beer, man.

I don't know who you are. Please don't speak to me.

It's just a hoax.

This is insanity, I live right there.

I feel very uncomfortable,

It is this very nefarious,

and definitely illegal, definitely illegal.

Definitely illegal?

Dude, I'm a law abiding citizen.

I've never done anything illegal in my entire life.

I know what goes on in here, okay?

I know all those weird little things you do.

It's all very inappropriate, and very strange strange.

Things, what are you talking about, things that go on?

What laws of am I breaking?

I got proof.

- Proof? - Yeah.

What are you doing?

Just remember that.

Friday.

- Put it in my... - want some?

No, I'm coming down now, hold the ladder.

Ain't nothing wrong with a little Jake.

That's illegal, man.

That's illegal.

You can't tape.

It's not illegal.

It's not cocaine, I was smelling my hands.

That's ridiculous.

What an insane excuse.

He was smelling his hands, I got bad soap.

If I see any of this again,

if I see any of this, this car and this gas or this man,

I will call the police and that's final, that's it.

Police?

That's it, no, no, no,

this is over, the conversation's over, it's done.

It's done.

Okay, thank you, bye.

Jesus.

Fuck man, what do I do?

Just don't do it now.

Wait, you think he'll do something with that video?

I don't know, man.

I don't trust him,

I think he's a fascist and a pervert.

Dres?

You need to tell me that this is all worth it.

It is.

We oppose as a continual threat to peace.

These are the contrasting points of view

between the major antagonist.

As a creature, not a God,

but of the state.

The state will run his life for him.

His political life,

his business life,

his social life.

I don't know man, this pervert across the street's

got me all fucking paranoid.

I'm not feeling good, I don't like any of this.

I feel like the cops are after me.

I feel like the government's after me.

I feel like everyone's after me.

I feel like people watch me.

I feel like Derek's after me.

I feel like everything is not going my way,

it's not very Mondo.

I do not like it, It's not groovy.

This whole situation is making me feel like

the rats are not only in the attic,

they're in my head, you know.

They're in my brain, they're in my eyes,

they're in my fingertips,

and I feel like I'm gonna lose my fucking mind.

From this belief

in man as a responsible being,

all the beliefs and his other qualifications

which we accept,

usually even without bothering to think about them,

as parts of that vague condition,

which we call the American way.

His ability, indeed his right

to explore the truth in all things.

His ability to govern himself.

I am for peace.

When I speak,

they are for war.

Lock 'em and load 'em.

Ever since you told me you got a facial,

all I can see in my nose are these pores.

Yeah, you can see 'em, right?

You gotta get rid of that shit.

It's under here.

Yeah.

Think about it.

That's the only thing I see.

You gotta have that cleaned.

This blow better be good, man.

Your fate, destination, is on your right.

Man.

The man from heaven.

I would recommend something on.

30 rounds, full automatic.

M-16 style, for a little bit more distance,

a little more accurate.

I would definitely highly recommend a Mossberg shotgun.

Maybe something small like this,

you put it in the back pocket.

What do we got going on over here?

These are special.

The best defense against tyranny is a well-armed populace.

See where this guy is looking

at the business end of the gun,

that's the wrong end of the gun.

You don't want to put that next to your face.

Isn't that right?

That's right.

Beautiful day.

Beautiful day.

About time, sunshine.

Whoa whoa whoa

Shh.

Beef stick?

Hey wait.

Take this instead.

What the fuck is this?

Just try it out.

Do I snort this?

No, put it in wine or water or tea.

I can snort this.

Yeah, snort it.

Actually yeah, snort it.

I can snort this.

It's just one line.

One line.

I-I-I-don't-

I don't know what you're saying.

I don't speak Polish.

Hey Ted.

Yesterday, you left your bag of coke here.

It's not coke, it's sugar.

I'm hypoglycemic.

Where is it?

I don't care where it is.

Just pick a place.

Of course, of course.

Alright, look. I'll pick a time and date.

And when you get the table,

just make sure it's for three.

Dres is my new manager.

Wednesday.

You want me to paint?

Well I can't paint.

I can't paint any more.

But you, you are,

the blind painter.

Hi.

I thought you said your manager was gonna be here?

The new guy.

It's just us, so did you talk to the director?

Don't do the Spanish thing.

Okay?

Yeah, you're right.

I don't know why did that shit.

Listen, the director's an asshole

and won't budge, all right?

The more I push it, the more she wants to recast.

The more I defend you, the more she thinks I'm against her.

So I'm in a tight spot here, I need you to help me out.

Let's figure this thing out, please.

You're in a tight spot?

It's me that's on screen.

My likelihood, my face.

Yeah, but we need you in Atlanta in three days.

I'm not gonna be in Atlanta in three fucking days.

You sign a contract, you read the script.

You say yes, you show up,

you flash that pretty smile yours,

and we all move along.

You make a paycheck and go.

Flash that pretty smile?

This is my fucking life, okay?

I'm not just gonna walk onto set and go,

hey, let's make a movie about aliens.

I fucking hate aliens.

So I need to, I need to regroup.

I need you to change the lines.

Okay, cause that's your job.

And I don't see why that's so fucking bad.

I am doing my job, that's why I'm here.

I need you to do your job and show up and deliver.

Okay?

You're making a lot of money for this.

I have one million followers on Instagram.

I get thousands of dollars

for posting a picture of me fucking brushing my teeth.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Do you make money for literally

just pretending to drink a smart water?

Do you make money for walking a Yorkie named Paul,

who has an Instagram following?

Do you make money for stepping outside your door

and taking a photo in front of a palm tree,

wearing a shirt that says Nevada?

Do you make money for sitting outside your pool,

sleeping all day?

I have a photographer come to take pictures of me

- sleeping. - Okay, that's enough.

I don't think you're understanding this.

It's like I shit money.

I can just pay off this contract,

I don't have to do it.

My manager and I read the script more closely

and we think the lines are fucking shitty.

A two-year-old could've written them.

So let's change them, I don't see what the problem is.

I think we're done here.

One, a few days, you can't just, no.

- No. - Okay.

No.

My manager will email you the rest of my requests,

'cause I might add some fucking more, okay?

Oh great, please, just pile on your list.

Yeah, all right.

It was nice to see you, okay?

Oh, and by the way?

Yeah.

You have some cocaine on your nose.

It's sunscreen.

Baby rats from the attic.

Bourne Idenity soundtrack.

Great to drive to.

You know what, tell the director,

and just fuck 'em.

Paloma's the fuckin' money!

It's Ted.

Scene 42, the line's changing.

Make it happen.

No questions. Bye.

Let's go get some cocktails, baby.

Yeah, let's cruise man.

Yeah!

What is there like even in Arkansas anyway?

I think it will be fun, Dres.

I know a UPM there who has a hookup.

We'll survive.

Hello?

That's not gonna work for me.

I actually noticed that Miles

had three times the per diem that I do,

and I'm higher on the call sheet, so do the math.

All right.

Mm-hmm.

Have a wonderful day.

People these days.

They fucking suck.

Fucking awesome.

In the night,

the playground of the Titans crosses over

into the dominion of the Weirdos.

It's a discussion.

We're all talking ideologies at this get together,

libertarians, communists, capitalists,

democrats, and conservatives.

And you have to be in awe of the Weirdos,

the heartbeat of all things Mondo,

means one must be prepared for counter-perspectives.

That is how the counterculture exists.

And if it is to thrive in Hollywood,

then it must take all shapes, all sizes.

Boogaloo gate opening.

Welcome to my Boogaloo.

I'm an astrological priestess.

My goal is to create environments

that spark love, energy, and healthy debate.

Hey, I'm Caesar.

I met Naya at Diamond 7.

Her discussion's gonna be amazing.

And as for myself, I make giant spheres.

I like to find stuff that speaks to me,

and then speak back to it.

This piece of wood last night

was saying all kinds of stuff about me

that I didn't super-appreciate.

But then this branch kind of stepped in,

and that was really nice to have that backup from this.

And at the end of the day

we started decided we could all be

in sort of a flowing argument with each other,

and that would actually produce something beautiful.

This is my sanctuary,

and these are my Venice Beach buds.

I don't really hang out with these people

outside of rollerblading

so I've never actually seen their feet.

Or I've never seen them in shoes.

So they might not even have feet.

You know what I mean?

These are some of my Antifa friends.

We actually have been following

a Neo-Nazi online, through Anonymous,

and we have his address.

So today we're gonna vote on what to do with him.

Let's go check it out.

Hey guys, what's going on?

Eddie, where's the armband?

This is very important.

What's going on?

What's going on? What's going on?

Come on, come on, come on.

I think they make us look fascist.

It makes us look very structured, and there's order.

And we're a uniform team.

Why aren't we talking about Erickson?

We finally have his address.

I think we should just,

just take a step away from that for a second

to look at some other ideas that I have.

I think one would be there's so many lawsuits

and it's insane, you know.

Malpractice is going on at Ronald Reagan Center.

I think we should protest the hospital.

I don't want to vandalize a hospital.

Okay, we'll move on.

There's what, the veterans associations have been,

you know, people have been protesting

veterans associations for so long because-

- That's not what this is about.

You're not understanding this.

I mean, it's not like we're protesting veterans.

We're protesting the things that go on at the VA.

They need to understand what this is nuts.

I mean, don't-

We finally have Erickson's address.

Why am I a crazy person?

Am I the only one that cares about what we're doing?

I care.

We'll take care of Herman.

He's obsessed with Herman.

So we just need to make him feel uncomfortable.

We need to kind of, you know,

get rid of his social media activity.

What are some ideas?

Kick him in the knees.

I like that, actually.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Not not right now, no I'm sorry.

1966.

16th Street.

You were never on 16th Street.

That's right, we were there,

I'll never forget it.

Why is he standing?

Remember like it was, what did you say?

Why are you standing?

Because, you're gonna learn something.

You want to learn something?

Then stop t-

Shut up.

16th Street, there we were.

I remember like it was yesterday.

And Bill Ayres had these pins made up.

He got 'em right off the press, hot off the press,

passed them out to everybody.

Is he even old enough for that?

He wore this suede bandana

that shined like the San Francisco Bay at twilight.

You were never on 16th Street.

I was on 16th street in the year in 1966,

with Noam Chomsky, and Bill Ayres,

and he wore a suede bandana.

Just sit down, just calm down.

Get water or something.

What about you two?

Are you guys got anything going on here?

What's going on?

Todd, you're just sitting there doing nothing.

Todd, Todd, do something.

Oh do you want to go first or?

No, just go.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

I can't deal with you two, either.

This little weird little thing you guys got going on.

It makes me feel uncomfortable.

There's these spools in Echo Park,

and Erickson usually parks his car downhill,

so it's sort of on a slant.

So I was thinking maybe we could get these spools

and throw them at his car.

No, I don't think that's a good idea.

I think spools is a dumb idea.

It's sending a message,

but it's also a little pragmatic,

and you know we're not getting, you know,

into criminal trouble.

How about we blow up his fricking car?

Please, this is insane.

Why is that insane?

I think that's a great idea.

He's gonna know that we're watching him,

and he's gonna start posting

all that frickingat bullshit on social media.

I think we're gonna go with the spools.

Yeah, it's just a political discussion

where everyone gets together.

I am not sitting in the same room

as a Trump supporter.

Political discussion where everyone gets together.

I'm sorry, I can't sit

in the same room as a communist.

Discussion?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I like conversations that are actually

the massive linguistic difference.

I'm sorry, we're not attending, I'm sorry.

It kind of like roams free.

You're controlling it.

Well yeah, it's the paradox.

You know, there's a paradox is a paradox.

I am the paradox.

I can't do this.

Naya, I need your help.

Oh, oh my God.

Caesar!

How's your back?

I'll be fine, after a little carving.

Do you think having mushrooms at the discussion

is gonna have people not take me seriously?

No, some of the world's most influential, powerful people

eat mushrooms on the regular.

You know, they're not mutually exclusive.

You want to have impact,

have impact in all spheres of your life.

Don't limit your impact.

Hey?

Hey, yeah, I texted you a couple of times.

Did you get?

Shrooms are looking Mondo.

I just called to remind you

that I'm gonna see you at the protest tomorrow, right,

with the mushrooms that I ordered?

9am sharp.

I'm on top of it, I'm a business guy.

I don't screw up anymore.

I'm-

- Bye.

Hi, how you doing sir?

Hey.

We're getting complaints about your car over here,

or hose inside your car.

What's that about?

I was gonna gas the rats out of my attic.

Oh really?

And how are you gonna do that with that hose on your car?

I was gonna-same way humans kill themselves.

I was gonna run exhaust.

Okay, I find that a little strange.

I don't know man, this neighbor Derek,

he's got the cops involved now.

They showed up at my house.

Nah man, you can't have police around.

I haven't even done anything.

I just ran a hose from the exhaust to the attic.

Didn't turn the power on.

Wasn't gassing anything.

A man can do that.

Yeah, no harm there, case closed.

How's your kafta?

Good.

I got Manny on delivery, man.

I'm doing things differently.

I'm showing up.

I'm going to tell someone I'm gonna sell them drugs

at 9:00 a.m., and guess what?

I'm gonna call them at 8:59.

Another bottle of wine gentlemen?

No, thanks. I think we're gonna have a white night.

Is someone at the door?

How can I help you today, sir?

I didn't call the police.

Did somebody call the police on me?

Got a call.

Me, I'm good.

Okay, all right sir.

- Well, have a good day. - Okay.

Bye, take care.

- Thank you. - Bye.

Hey Boyle, this is Naya.

Hi, I'm on Sixth and Spring, where are you?

I'm on my way, 15 minutes.

Yeah, I'm in the car.

See you in 15 minutes.

Drugs are menacing our society.

They're threatening our values-

We gotta go.

All right, let's go.

What's your damage?

I gotta.

Get your fucking jacket on man.

I'm covered in filth.

Where the fuck are you?

It's, we're uh,

is it on?

I was walking around for an hour

trying to find you.

We're on our way, we're on our away.

We're almost there.

We're there, we're almost there.

Bye.

Where is it?

I don't know.

If you don't want to come sir,

why do you want him to be the only one with guns?

Man, that is not nice, I'm here.

There's no reason to flip me off.

Where are you?

I'm outside at Sixth and Spring,

I'm outside of the protest.

I'm the only one with pink hair.

Where the hell were you?

I don't know,

I'm really freaked out right now.

Why?

I don't know.

Since you're here are you gonna help me?

No no no no no no.

You said you were.

I haven't slept.

Okay fine.

I don't know, maybe I'm too much in my head about it,

but I'm just,

I'm just worried that it's just gonna be

some small gathering where no one shows up.

Well, I'm worried I'm not gonna be able

to shit for two weeks because of my back.

I don't know, maybe I should just join

some big political organization

where I'm bound to have a large impact, or something.

Naya, I think there's enough morons out there

that you don't need to do that.

You're great, you're wonderful.

Bring your own spark,

bring your own energy to the discussion.

I don't know.

To feel my heart pin my ego

for one open timeless was moment,

and the strange uncomfortable space it created

experience all joy,

add some movement.

Hi Naya, I know I said

I could attend the discussion,

but I don't think I can anymore, I'm so sorry.

That was the worst idea Todd ever had.

We didn't even hit the right car.

Deviled eggs,

so delicious.

The car's done, the car's done.

No, it's not done.

We need to do what I've been saying all along.

We blow up his fricking car.

It's the perfect idea.

He's gonna get freaked out.

He's gonna leave town.

We're not gonna hurt him or anybody.

We're just gonna hurt his dumb car.

We gotta stick to the original plan

doing social media

and then getting a presence out there,

this kind of stuff.

Noam Chomsky loved deviled eggs.

Emmanuel stop.

You shouldn't shout like that.

Okay, thanks.

Your obsession with social media

is making us look crazier and crazier.

It's what the media wants us to look like.

We don't need to be on social media.

What are you accusing me of, comrade?

Eat a Dick.

You're leaving?

Yeah, Todd?

I'm coming.

Fuck you, Todd.

You frivolous little weasel.

Don't come too close.

I remember Noam Chomsky telling me.

I told him something that he tells me still to this day.

And what he said,

was what I said to him is what he said to me.

And what I told him, is what he told me.

And he told him, he told him.

and I told him this.

Milk is good.

But, cream is great.

Emmanuel, shut the fuck up.

I mean, everything's just falling apart, here.

They leave and it's just me and you like,

this is terrible.

Terrific!

You're gonna be terrific,

when you shut the fuck up Emmanuel, how about that?

Get the fuck out.

Hey, what's up Boyle?

It's Ceas.

Hey, a favor to ask.

Can you come grab this big sphere for my friend?

Yeah, yeah, it's like stressing Naya out.

All right, cool man, thank you.

Sometimes smaller is better.

How's your back?

I think it might be broken.

Good Mondo.

I want to add tears

with our drinks, our holistic peace medicine,

AKA magic mushrooms, so cheers.

Something we're here to talk about

is Trump versus the intelligence agencies,

and now this shift.

Being a Republican I traditionally support

our intelligence agencies.

Being a veteran and the wife of a veteran,

I'm very disappointed that we invaded Iraq,

for basically nothing.

It's convenient for the left

to trust the CIA now,

and it's convenient for the right to distrust them.

So it's politics.

Now who is always being hurt?

Poor people.

I think I took too much

of that potion.

I mixed a bottle of, it's part water,

part liquid antacid and make some liquid antacid water.

And I call it L-A-W, law.

So we can, we can just put it on our eyes,

and be a pepper spray.

Here, I made it for you.

Thanks.

All right.

Okay.

Just like take a breath, don't be a creep.

Oh.

Like we have to do that.

Yeah, no I didn't.

I didn't mean to be creepy.

This is the road that we're gonna be on, okay.

And this is where Herman's car is parked.

It's always parked here, in this corner right here.

You see it.

It was simple.

And then here's you with your dumb hair,

and here's me and okay.

And then you're gonna be holding

the Molotov cocktails, okay?

Hold them close to you.

They're very dangerous.

And like, I don't want them to near my hair.

And then what's gonna happen is,

we're just gonna casually stroll over to the car,

just walk.

I'm gonna light these,

and then we're gonna throw them at the car,

and then we have 30 seconds, and then, bam!

Explosion!

Explosion, fire!

And then you're gonna go east,

and I'm gonna go west,

and then that's gonna be that for that.

Does that make sense?

Yeah, I mean, I can also go west.

No.

Oh, for like safety we'll split up?

Yeah, it's for safety.

Cool, it sounds like a plan.

What, it doesn't sound like a plan, it is a plan.

We're not planning a surprise party for your grandma, Todd.

Yeah, no no, that's what I meant.

I just been like, I feel like it's a good plan.

It's a good plan.

I'm excited to do this.

Okay, you're excited?

Yeah, I like to blow stuff up with you.

- I really like you. - I hate you.

Capitalism when truly tried, never fails,

it works all the time.

This capitalistic system that's purely based off,

you know what?

Everything starts to funnel its way up to the top.

I seriously ask does that give you more choices or not?

You think that any of this matters

unless we find the narwhals.

Okay, so the year is 1955, Dimitri Mischkin,

working for the Russian government, right?

You have this problem, right?

You can't put the subs,

you can't put the nukes on the subs anymore.

So they create NARWALS.

navel, atomic, radio wave hidden, autonomous logic systems,

that swim around, no one can tell

that they're fucking nukes.

And then you have, you your little tusks, right?

The tusks how they get the information

from both Russia and the US.

Dimitri comes to the US,

brings all that information to the American government.

We all have to be hoping

that Trump and Putin actually get along,

because that's the only chance we have of finding them all.

That's where it's coming from.

It's all coming up to the surface,

into the clouds, man, making it rain.

He made a promise,

he made a campaign promise to overturn Roe v Wade,

and we are now at the precipice of that.

Then there was the Green Party,

then there was democrats.

That's our five parties.

What would end up happening is,

they'd all have about 20-something percent.

and then the tea parties...

Why is everyone looking at me?

Reciprocal, reciprocal,

reciprocal, reciprocal, reciprocal.

Reciprocal.

Reciprocal.

I love the word, reciprocal.

Reciprocal, such an important word.

Reciprocal, reciprocal,

reciprocal, a word that you're gonna hear

more and more coming from this administration.

I would right now in the State Senate.

Bye guys.

Fucking narwhals, be careful.

These are heavier than I thought they'd be.

I feel like they're splashing on me.

Shut the fuck up.

They're spilling on me.

Stop.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I, I can't do this.

I mean, I have a weak constitution, I'm sorry.

Hope they got the message.

What's up, Boyle?

Hey Daphne.

Far out.

The energy, the ambition, the rejection,

the joy and jubilation, the Dreamers.

Have you been crying?

I'm practicing lines.

We all dream, don't we?

Tell me about this, I want your feedback.

Oh, totally.

Will it knock me out?

So what are you boys up to, tonight?

Cubs-Dodgers game.

Baseball.

Go Dodgers.

Go Cubs.

Bye.

My grandmother.

She was an actress, too.

Actually, she was the stand in for Grace Kelly

in the movie, "High Society" with Bing Crosby,

and they became really good friends.

She never made it though.

Pretty sure I'm the last one left with her headshot.

Oh, that's my manager. One second.

Hi, Xander.

Xander, over here.

Smile, Xander, smile.

Here at the BGA viewing party for the Academy Awards.

You know, I don't have any clients

in there this year.

Had a lot of clients up for the roles, though.

You know, which is a good thing.

Filming, we're good friends.

Can I get a vodka, please?

I'm fine.

You're nothing in this town without your representation,

and you know,

I'm really lucky to have Xander Hischier.

My name is Barry Shay, and I'm a personal trainer,

and that helps me a lot to stay in the game.

You better have your shit together, excuse my language.

But that's the only way you're gonna have a chance

to get your big break.

Okay?

But if you're a fat, out-of-shape person,

how you gonna have a future?

This is only for the fittest and the strongest.

With a healthy mind and a healthy body,

nothing can stop you. Nothing.

I believe that.

Let's begin.

What's the matter with you?

I'll kill myself the same way soon.

I hardly recognize you.

I hardly recognize you.

You've changed towards me, your eyes are so cold.

My presence embarrasses you.

What does that mean?

I was vile enough to kill a seagull today.

I lay it at your feet.

What's the matter with you?

One full order of Singapore Street Noodles.

A few months from now, this is gonna be a gym.

Right there.

Barry's Gym, a glittering sign.

Come on in.

Let's get some lights on.

Me and the Missus, we talked about this all the time.

I just didn't have enough money,

but now I got the money honey,

and we're gonna have this place up in no time.

You know?

Right here, in Hollywood.

Can you believe it, man?

We'll put a punching bag over here, right?

Thinking of kettle bells over here, right?

Exclusive Hollywood stars, right?

This place ain't no dive, man, no no.

I hardly recognize you.

You've changed towards me, your eyes are so cold.

You're either looking at the dead bird

or at his stupid face.

Hey, look at his stupid fucking face.

Look at that stupid fucking face.

Look at his stupid fucking face.

I don't have to take this anymore!

I was on "Mad About You" for,

with Paul Reiser and Helen Hunt, for two seasons.

Do you think they hired me

because I delivered my lines looking at my feet?

I am a real actress.

I enjoy it.

I revel in it.

I am intoxicated on the stage.

I feel beautiful there.

And Mad About You fucking sucks!

Kara, you're up.

Ken, this is a man on the verge of killing himself.

I want you to go into the hall,

put that gun in your mouth,

and think about blowing your dumb fucking head off.

This show is so fucking good.

Hey Armen.

Barry.

Meet over here.

Listen, money's coming in

a little slow right now, you know.

It's Hollywood property.

It's very hot.

Barry, you're a champion.

I know you'll get the money.

How much do you have right now?

Today?

Look, you're in business man, right?

You know how this goes, I'll pay you back.

You're a good man, and I love business idea.

How much do you have right now?

Look, I can get it, okay?

Just please don't sell it, okay.

I'm gonna get you a check for $30,000.

So as long as you get me the money, I hold the property.

Sure.

Hey Espar, Espar.

did I ever tell you about my running race

in Central Park in 1986?

This was a 10 miler.

Yeah, them were the days.

Well, now I'm still running, and I'm still in the game.

Hey Boyle, I need to ask you something.

What's up?

You know that gym I had my eye on all this time,

well I finally found the place, it's great,

but I need some more clients.

Can you refer me some?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

Oh yeah.

That'd be great,

we'll get 'em all in the gym,

we'll get them to losing weight,

and it'll be a good thing, man.

They drink too much soda.

Oh yeah, they drink all that crap, it's crazy.

All that corn syrup stuff and fat.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't drink it anymore.

Yeah, well you know what?

I got $25,000 already, but I need 5,000 now.

You need 5,000?

I need 5,000.

You want me to lend it to you?

Can you do that?

Oh yeah!

All right.

That'd be awesome.

I appreciate that.

Anything for you, Barry.

Hey Armen?

Here it is!

It's Barry, the champion!

You are good businessman.

You are man of your word.

Damn right I am.

Hey Armen?

It's Barry again.

Talk to you later.

Hey, this guy is really big.

He must be major player.

He's always on the phone, never returns my calls.

All right, bye.

Property not listed.

Oh shit, Espar, Espar did you hear that?

These yokels at the bank are telling me

the property's not listed.

Hey Armen?

Some mix-up at the bank.

Barry, oh...

There is always mix up at the bank.

The information's all wrong.

Yes, red tape.

I want to see the property, okay?

Property is unavailable, it's sold.

What? I gave you the money.

You gave me the money to hold it.

Someone came with better offer.

I gave you the money to hold it.

You gave me chump change.

Someone came with better offer.

I take offer.

It was all the money I had.

You're a sad man.

And your idea was stupid.

You know what?

You fuckin' asshole.

Fuck you, pal.

Okay, fuck you.

Barry, leave me now.

Don't embarrass yourself.

Asshole.

What do you think, Comet?

I didn't get it.

I didn't get the part.

Don't bite, mommy.

I have something to show you.

What am I gonna do, huh?

What can I do now?

Shit.

When in wait, I cried the dream again.

Ladies and gentlemen, grandson of great, Bing Crosby,

Bill Crosby, Junior.

Hey Boyle?

I'm here.

I got a big time investor

looking into Barry's Gym, big time.

- Big time? - Yeah, yeah.

- That's awesome. - Yeah, you bet.

You know what?

You're gonna have your money next week.

I'm not worried about it.

What the hell is going on up there?

There are rats in the attic.

Rats?

Yeah, a lot of them.

You got rats up there?

Yeah, a whole family.

Why don't you do something about it?

Come on.

I was, but I'm on a, I'm on a new path now.

I don't know, man.

I'm having these visions,

and I think I might just live with these rats.

I just kinda thought I need my ways

to not be so fucking negative all the time.

You got damned rats in the attic.

The world don't just stop.

And fix your problems.

You got to do something.

I guess so, but I'm telling you-

No, no, no, no. You're not telling me anything.

Listen kid, you got to get your mind right, okay?

You think I ask the world to fix my problems?

When things go sour at the gym, no way, Jose.

Not me, you get the wrong guy.

You better get up there and fix that yourself.

Come on.

It's only for you man, I love you, come on,

I want you to get right.

Please.

Shit.

Come on Espar, let's get out of here.

Derek, it's your neighbor, Boyle.

Hey man, I just want to talk.

Boyle, across the street.

The guy gassing the rats.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh no.

Daphne!

I'm going to jail.

Like that's what's gonna happen.

No, no no no no, we got it.

I've been in this situation before.

You're not going to jail.

We're gonna make sure you don't go to jail.

We can, we'll figure it out.

You've been in this situation before?

No, Derek and Roger Stone,

two fucking peas in a fucking dick nose pod.

God damn it.

Who's Roger Stone?

I don't know, ever heard of a guy named Satan?

He's worse than Satan.

He worked for Nixon,

and then in the 90's he found his ultimate candidate.

Yeah, fricking Trump.

He's the one that convinced Trump to run for office.

And now, now I don't know what he's doing.

He's probably just like eating cupcakes and cookies,

running fake social media accounts,

astroturfing.

Derek was a wolf in sheep's clothing.

I fricking knew something was off with that guy.

I think we should protest the hospital.

I think we should go out and protest

the veterans associations.

They think they all look great.

I'm going to jail.

I know what to do.

This is a heist.

Of course I'm involved.

I've been wanting to make a heist movie

since I saw "Asphalt Jungle."

I mean, heist movies are the pinnacle

of the American experience.

You've got flash, you've got bang,

romance, fortune, you've got it all.

And this, this needs production.

This heist needs production.

That's where I come in,

because I produce results, I'm a producer.

Want laundry? I can produce it.

You need a meal? I can produce one.

Do you need something stolen from your neighbor's house?

I can produce it.

We're gonna rid Derek's place

of anything incriminating on all of us.

How much time do we have?

Like an hour and a half.

And what happens if he gets home early?

What's your plan then?

No plan.

What's your plan?

Give us a plan.

We need a distraction.

You've never been to Venice before.

You've just been mugged.

You don't know where to go, okay?

Hi, oh my God, I'm so sorry.

My phone just died.

I'm not from here.

Okay, listen here.

Paveway Pictures conference line.

If you get disconnected,

I've texted you the number and pin.

Okay, now here's the plan.

According to Daphne,

he'll be leaving at approximately four p.m.

I'll be stationed close, watching.

But once we know he's gone,

clock is up,

Anna, are we clear?

All clear.

We go.

Daphne will break into Derek's house.

All right, luck on our side,

We've got a solid hour-15.

Copy.

Boyle, you get the car ready to go,

and begin the gassing.

That's the key time sync.

Update, all clear.

This is kind of fun.

What the fuck are you doing?

- Huh? - What the fuck are you doing?

Get in position.

You're supposed to be doing the gassing.

I'm in.

With the gas going, your priority would be

to assist Daphne inside the house.

Daphne, tell Boyle to put his headphones on.

Daphne will hack Derek's computer,

and proceed to scrub it clean.

I'm in.

Yeah, we can hear you.

Put your headphones in, Ted's freaking out.

Voluntary institutions of civil society

that provided social services,

medical care and education

were deliberately targeted for destruction, in some cases.

Were normal words coming out of my mouth?

I just hear gibberish.

Just please.

Can you put that down, and stick to the plan?

What's the plan?

Just get rid of that.

Boyle will get rid of all the photos

and all the physical evidence lying around.

Once you're both done with those tasks,

we move on to phase two.

Boyle, you finish cleaning up,

and you run back across the street to finish the gassing.

Daphne, you hurry up and get out.

Anna will wait on standby,

and you give the first heads up, or run any interference.

Anna, we clear?

We're clear.

Copy.

Gassing looks good, no leakage,

definitely still going.

He's on time.

10-4, roger that, copy you, copy you, copy you.

One, two, three.

Change of plans, I'm gonna have to destroy the hard drive.

No time, no time and unnecessary.

That's not part of the plan.

Okay well yeah, that's what I'm doing.

So, and you need to just fuck off.

Can you hear that?

Hear what?

Where'd you go?

Where are you going?

Boyle, status?

Guys, I need to find this, there's, I'm having a feeling.

What? No, no, no, no, no.

What are you doing?

No, you need to get your ass back over to the car.

The gassing should be almost done.

He's coming.

I think it's him.

It's him, it's him.

He's wearing a green helmet.

Distract him.

Anna, you're a fucking star today.

Boyle, Daphne.

Guys, I'm back.

The hard drive has been successfully destroyed.

I have no idea where Boyle is or what he's doing.

If you can hear me, wrap it up.

Let's go.

I'm sorry, my phone's dead too.

Putting up the prize.

Maybe I could get your number,

and we could talk at a later date?

My phone's dead.

I don't know. How would I get your number?

That makes no sense.

You can tell me, I actually have a photographic memory.

Boyle?

I'm coming.

Okay, hurry up.

I'm leaving now.

Okay.

And then you take a left, and you go about a mile,

and you'll see the ocean, the Pacific Ocean.

Is it an obvious left,

or one of those lefts that's kind of like sneaky, you know?

A sneaky left?

Yeah, like somehow the roads are curved.

What's sneaky, I don't know what it means, a sneaky left.

All right guys, I'm exiting.

I gotta go now.

I gotta go.

Cutting the gas.

Really, this is just too much.

Please, please, please, I just need more exact direction

Oh watch out for the pool cleaners.

Here boy, it's me.

It's me, it's me Zappo, come here.

I know.

You gotta get out, you have maybe 10 seconds.

Boyle, he's coming up the stairs right now.

You're not groovy, man.

Perhaps I'm not.

Ah, things seem right again

at the old Boyle house.

I'll walk you out, man.

So what, you're leaving?

I'm going back to the bulk.

Can I come?

I'm afraid you cannot.

Is it groovy?

It is.

All right.

I have one more thing to say to you.

What's that?

Thank you.

Oh no, thank you, man.

I'm gonna miss you.

I'll miss you too, Boyle.

Yeah yeah yeah.

Groovy.

Boyle indeed, is the man who knows.

Perhaps I was skeptical at first, but he does know.

He knows Mondo.

The language, the true cosmic language.

A little piece of this Earth.

A space bound to time.

Even if this land of Hollywood

were to vanish into oblivion in an instant,

and this happened tomorrow, it's legacy would never leave.

Forever, there will be The Titan,

The Weirdo,

The Dreamer,

and so forever there will be Hollywood.

Forever groovy, forever

Mondo.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull