Original subtitles

[El Kabong] The guitar.

She's a mystery, but she is a lover.

She cries at night when she has bad dreams

about scuba diving and mayonnaise.

But most of all, she longs for justice.

[strumming guitar]

Hey, Teach, is this gonna be on the test?

Life, she is the true test.

Never forget.

Also state capitals, they will be on the test.

[ears ringing]

My finely tuned ears detect evil doings-ons.

Justice waits for no one. Away!

So, is class over or...

Let's stay calm. There's no need for violence.

Enough talk. The bow tie gets it.

You monsters!

Those stains will never come out.

That's what you get when you mess with the Banana Splits.

-Hand me another tie, boys. -[doorbell dings]

The only thing you'll be handed is an epic beating of down.

-El Kabong!

Not El Kabong.

Yes, it is I. But have you met my guitar?

Her name is Susan.

She craves justice.

[kisses]

Oh, I so wish that were me.

Come, Susan. Time for the Splits to peel out.

Kabong!

Oops! Sorry.

[applause]

I'm sick of that El Kabong always pooping our scoops.

Yeah, but what are we gonna do?

He can't be stopped with that guitar.

Well, then, I guess we just gotta do something about it.

What if we replace the strings with wet spaghetti?

Just get in the escape hole.

This is Snagglepuss reporting live from the streets of Jellystone

where the Banana Splits have broken out of jail and are once more at large.

Mayor, tell us, how did this happen?

-They dug a hole. -There you have it.

Our town is truly the worst.

[grunting]

And, whoo!

Susan, can I tell you something?

Patrolling the city under the stars,

you have never looked more beautiful.

-[woman] Help! -[ears ringing]

I hear the cry for help.

Come, Susan. We must go.

Give us your purse, old lady.

Please, no. It has all my heart candy in it.

Not so fast, breakers of the law.

It is time for you to taste the spicy punishment of El Kabong!

[exclaims] Wow! Did you see that? It almost hit me.

But you know what they say.

After the lightning, comes the Kabong!

[shouting]

No! Susan!

[crying] How did this happen?

What did they do to you?

I guess you could say the Banana Splits finally used their heads.

[all laughing]

You people are monsters!

And now with that annoying guitar out of the way,

we're free to do as much crime as we want,

which is a lot.

[all laughing]

[sobbing]

Susan!

Jellystone, a town under siege.

Those rascals, the Banana Splits,

have been up to some serious no-good.

From defacing government property

to painting all the fruit the wrong color.

I just want an apple. Which one is an apple?

No one has been left unscathed.

They write "wash me" on back of me van.

[crying] Now me gotta wash me van!

They stole Yogi's tie and replaced it with a fish.

It's still alive, Boo Boo. Get it off me!

Well, I keep waiting for one of them to text me.

"Jabberjaw, you're so fine."

"Jabberjaw, all I do is think of you."

"Jabberjaw, let's go smoochy-smoochy."

But nothing. No texts.

[softly] Text me.

In these trying times, the question everyone's asking is...

Can I pull off this scarf?

And also, where is our hero, El Kabong, even?

[El Kabong] Adjectives.

[tearfully] They are words that describe the things.

Things like "empty," "hollow."

"Sad."

"Really sad."

"Pointless," "useless," "alone."

What about "fluffy"?

[sobbing]

Susan!

Oh, Susan!

[sniffling] Okay, okay, okay. I get myself together.

It's... [wailing]

It's not good.

[sniffling] Okay.

Sorry you have to see this, kids.

I promise...

I promise you don't have to see this anymore. [sobbing]

It's coming back.

It's going to be really bad.

It's coming. It's coming...

Why does this happen to me?

How am I supposed to be El Kabong without my guitar Susan?

What even am I?

I made joke.

Knock, knock. Who's there?

El Kabong. El Kabong who?

El Kabong's guitar is dead, that's who!

You got that fat teacher's salary.

Why don't you just go buy a new guitar?

Huh? A new guitar?

Perhaps you are right.

To the music store! Away!

I need to see your guitar.

Oh, my gosh. You were almost hit by lightning.

I know, it's been happening a lot today.

Well, we're all out until a new shipment comes in.

Why don't you see if something else, like, speaks to you?

So many choices.

Which one of you shall be my new instrument of justice?

Oh, ghost of Susan, guide my hand.

Oh... [mumbles]

[gasps] This. Is this the one?

Good balance, solid craftsmanship.

From this day forward, you shall be known as Barbara.

All the hotdogs in the bag.

Please, I have a family...

of action figures.

Just give me the wieners.

[playing flute]

[all laughing]

Looks like the flute ain't your strong suit.

[all laughing]

[all laughing]

Give me everything you've got.

So, y'all are, like, transfer students or what?

We got a note from El Kabong saying to meet him here.

I guess he wanted you brats to see us beat him again.

[laughing]

Also, I never graduated.

[El Kabong] Then it looks like it's time to teach you a lesson.

Well, well, well, Kabong, back again.

-Something's different about you. -[snickering]

Did you change your hair?

My hair is perfect.

But as you can see, I now have all the instruments.

And what you're about to hear is the melodious sound

of your defeat... Whoa!

[grunts]

[shouts]

[crashing]

[grunts]

[groans]

El Kabong!

El Kabong!

-El Kabong! -Susan?

-I thought you were dead. -Uh, I am.

-Oh. -No, no, it's great.

I'm in guitar heaven now.

Every night is Taco Tuesday here.

-Oh. -Yeah, I know.

Oh, Susan, what am I gonna do?

You saw they all laughed at me in there.

Without you, I am no hero.

I am a joke.

I may as well just hang up my cape.

And those jazzy socks I like to wear while I teach.

You better pull up those socks, mister,

'cause you are a hero.

And inexplicably a teacher, somehow.

But maybe you don't need a guitar.

No. No, I definitely do.

What if... What if... What if you are the guitar?

I don't understand.

What if you are the guitar?

You just keep saying the same thing with a different inflection.

-Think about it. -Think about what?

Just think about it.

You keep saying it like it's a thing.

Is that a thing, "think about it"?

Okay, bye!

Susan, wait, what are you talking about?

I am the guitar?

I am the guitar.

I am the guitar!

[grunts]

-[gags] -I am the guitar!

Oh, that is wrong.

Time for your just desserts, Splits.

Kabong!

He's back! El Kabong is back!

Kabong.

What... what are you?

I am the guitar!

Kabong!

-Yeah! -Yeah! You got them!

Yes, yes. Thank you.

Now, how am I gonna... [grunts]

put these organs back?

[exhales] What does the pancreas do, anyway?

Okay. Somebody call the hospital.

Tell them to get a bed ready.

[theme music playing]