Original subtitles

Hey, Hulkies.

So, as you know, I was all set to bail on my web show,

the one I started, like, 50 adventures ago to show the Hulk as a hero.

Why? Because I proved, without a doubt, that the Hulk is a hero.

But all I ever got for it was seven lousy thumbs-ups.

A-Bomb: Then this happened.

The Kree mothership arrived on Earth to free our old enemy, Ronan the Accuser.

We Smashers were all set to handle it,

then the Avengers swooped in and there was this drama that ended

with the Hulk ditching us to go with Iron Man,

Captain America and Thor,

to storm the Kree ship and stop their big plan.

Then lots of fighty-fight and some bruised egos

with us Smashers feeling like second-rate superheroes

compared to the big shots.

And oh, yeah, did I mention Hulk sacrificed himself for all of us?

And he was absorbed, body and mind, by the Kree's leader,

a.k.a. the Supreme Intelligence?

'Cause that happened.

The Kree thought having Hulk's power would make them stronger,

- but it just made things worse, -(yelling)

for everybody.

(growling)

-Iron Man: Okay, what's the plan? -Yikes.

Gotta get Greenie out of there. (growling)

(yells)

(A-Bomb and Red Hulk grunt)

The Smashers don't leave behind one of their own.

We got this.

(all grunting)

(Hulk growling)

Ronan: Your Imminence, remember,

you are the guiding light of the Kree.

You can control this beast.

-(growling) -(Ronan grunting)

Iron Man: Still think you've got this, Smashers?

Um, not so much, no.

(screaming)

(theme music)

Iron Man: We'll handle it, Smashers.

Avengers, go!

(yelling)

Come on, you costumed clowns!

Help us get Greenie out of there.

Iron Man: Working on it, Hulks. I'm going in.

(roars)

(Iron Man grunting)

(groaning)

Ronan: Master, please remember,

we are here to level punishment upon the Earth.

Punishment? I'll start with you.

But Master...

(groans)

I can't feel too bad about that.

A-Bomb: Hey, Coach,

how about putting us into play? Team-up style.

Iron Man: We've tried everything else. A-Bomb, you're with me.

Thor, take Skaar. Red, you got Cap.

Where's Jen?

-(groaning) -Jen!

(grunting)

-(both groan) -That brain blast didn't hurt you?

Nothing from big brain hurts Skaar.

You will release our friend.

(roaring)

(Thor yells)

Iron Man: If the big guy is stuck in that gooey head,

someone's gotta go in and get him out.

I shall go.

Hulk and I have been comrades in many battles.

None know him better than I.

Except me.

Hulk isn't just my teammate, he's my brother.

If there is one thing I understand, it is brother issues.

Jones, wait!

Rick!

(A-Bomb grunting)

Huh, am I really... I'm doing this?

Ah, all right, I'm almost there, big guy.

A-Bomb's away.

Okay. This is weird.

Anybody home?

(gasps)

(chuckling) Hey, Big Brain.

A-Bomb: Okay, the vacancy sign is up in Leader's head.

That's creepy. (yells)

Let me go!

Supreme Intelligence: Intruder's brain power has been rated low.

Not worth absorbing.

Low? My grandiose gray matter?

That hurts.

Supreme Intelligence: Intruder shall be exterminated.

(Hulk roars)

(growling)

Hulk! Dig the new dread-tentacle things.

You're just in time to save me.

Oh. No, you're not.

(roars)

Hulk, wait, no!

(grunting) That's... My... Face.

(growls)

"Argh" is right. (grunts)

Hulk, buddy, it's me, A-Bomb. I don't wanna fight.

We're pals, remember?

Hulk only know blue monster not belong here.

(groans) Oh, boy.

Merging with the Supreme Intelligence

must've reset Hulk's mindless monster button.

-(roars) -Whoa!

Doesn't that thing ever get a headache?

Iron Man: The only headache is the one he's giving me.

Skaar remember Hulk showed way to trick enemies.

Skaar slash big, floaty head!

The classic bait-and-snatch rescue trick.

Old Greenie taught us that.

In truth, I believed Hulk little more advanced than a cave troll.

Hulk not stop till he smash blue monster to bits.

(growling)

Hey, that's it.

If I can distract Hulk, he'll start to calm down.

(roaring)

Huh? Where blue monster go?

(A-Bomb groaning) You did it, Hulk. You smashed me to bits.

All that's left is my voice, my tiny, tiny voice.

(roars) Hulk smash blue monster.

Who is stronger now, blue monster?

Hulk is the strongest one there is.

(panting)

Blue monster sound puny.

(laughs)

Puny monster. Hulk showed you.

(groaning, pants)

Hulk: Rick? What happened?

It's okay, buddy.

I snapped you free of the Supreme Intelligence.

It wasn't too horrifically painful.

But come on, we gotta beat feet before the S.I. grabs you again.

(sighs) From now on, I'll do the grabbing.

Speaking of which...

Well, can't forget Chuckles.

Tentacles got us in here, tentacles will get us out.

I hope.

For the record, I hate the tentacles.

(groaning)

(grunting)

(groaning)

Hulk free.

Welcome back, cuz. I'll get us a ride home.

Iron Man: I have to admit,

you Smashers really know what you're doing.

Hulk even freed The Leader

when he could've abandoned his enemy.

Come on, what am I? A monster?

Speaking of monsters,

we better be sure pudding-head there is really out.

Hulk: That glow... I can't move!

You may approach him not.

He is still the Supreme Intelligence,

the all-power liege of the Kree.

And you...

(yells)

Ronan: You shall be destroyed!

(all grunting)

Iron Man: Thor, grab them.

Thor: There is no need.

Our rescue is at hand.

(heroic music)

Iron Man: Well, that was close.

Thanks, Jen.

I can't leave you lunkheads alone for a minute.

Wasn't our fault, it was your boyfriend, Ronan.

That creep won't stop until we're all finished.

Maybe I can see what Hammertime has in store for us.

I think one of my cameras got stuck on the Kree ship.

You were correct, my most trusted retainer.

Earth is a haven of monsters.

Our empire would be tainted if we merged with it.

Then we agree there can only be one solution.

Yes, destroy the Earth, beginning with its champions.

Finally. By your command.

Ouch. Hard to feel happy right about now.

Let's get down there. Earth needs us, all of us.

(whooshing)

automated voice 1: This is an emergency.

Please remain calm and follow evacuation orders.

Jarvis only had a few minutes to cobble these together,

but they should be good enough to get you airborne.

(groans) Skaar hate tech-mol-agy.

Why Skaar need jet on back?

Take a look up there.

Iron Man: Can you jump that high?

Oh. Yeah, Skaar need jetpack.

Red Hulk: Head's up, heroes!

We got incoming.

Hey, heroes, I know we're all excited about the big invasion.

Let's remember two words. Damage control.

Good idea, Spidey. You're on it.

Spider-Man: Don't I get a jetpack?

Smashers, Avengers, let's go.

Aw!

Take them down hard.

Iron Man: You heard the man.

(Hulk grunting)

Woo-hoo!

A-Bomb: Not bad, Jen.

Now check out my handiwork.

Just call me the I-Bomb.

That's like, short for "Iron Bomb."

Battle drones, concentrate your attack on them.

As the heroes fall, so falls Earth.

(zapping)

(Thor groaning)

-(alarm blaring) -Hmm.

Great. Circuits are scrambled. I have to reboot.

Can't stay with you.

Iron Man: Locking into glide mode. Sorry, boys.

(Cap groans)

Red Hulk: Good thing I put on a jetpack and joined you flyboys.

Got you.

I'm hit!

They got me, too!

I take it back. I don't want a jetpack.

How's Cap?

Out cold, but breathing.

(Skaar panting) Thor hurt, too.

I say we raid Stark's armory

for the biggest, baddest weapon we can find to use on that creep.

No, there's only one thing left to throw at Ronan.

A blunt instrument.

Ready to fly, Shellhead?

Yeah, but are you sure about this?

No, Hulk.

Buddy, you can't go it alone.

We won't let you.

This is the way it has to be.

I need all of you Hulks here to help the Earth in case I don't make it.

I'm not ordering you as your leader,

I'm asking you as family.

Family. We promise.

Cap: Hulk.

You may need that.

I'll bring it back.

You better.

Well, we doing this or not?

Iron Man: Buckle up, Big Green.

Come on! Jump Jet, now.

Whoa, we promised to stay here.

Wrong, I promised we'll help the Earth. And here's how we'll do it.

Iron Man: The whole Agents of S.M.A.S.H. thing with you as leader...

I'm only sorry I didn't see it before.

Save it.

Doesn't matter who's calling the shots.

Right now, we're all just guys with a job to do.

Now let's make this count.

Iron Man: Brace yourself, Hulk, 'cause here you go.

Gunships, form a barrier in front of my flagship.

Do not let that monster through.

(growling)

Impossible!

(crashing)

(Hulk grunting)

automated voice 2: Warning, perimeter has been compromised.

(alarm blaring)

Propulsion system critical. Ship destruction imminent.

Evacuate.

(groaning)

Great shot.

Not too bad, I guess. For a blunt instrument.

Ronan: Master, the Earthlings, they will not be defeated.

Not by you, perhaps.

I possess the most powerful weapon of the Kree Empire at my command.

Myself!

Increase shields to maximum.

Ready my ship for collision with that primitive mudball.

I will destroy the Earth myself!

Iron Man: The Kree mothership, it's headed for Earth.

Any ideas how we'll get out of this one?

All we can do is go down smashing.

Where are the Smashers?

Following your orders to help the city. Spider-Man went with them.

Hope we can buy them some time.

Iron Man: Avengers, smash!

(grunts)

(groans)

Cap: The guns are shielded.

So is the whole blasted ship. This is looking bad.

Earth's champions are helpless. Nothing can stop us now.

(rumbling)

Ronan: Master, other crafts are arriving to defend the Earth.

Who dares defy the Supreme Intelligence?

Red Hulk: Look alive, Greenie.

Here comes the cavalry.

Deathlok, Mainframe, Jump Jet, open fire!

Iron Man: I don't believe it.

I do, 'cause those are my Smashers.

And here come the Howling Commandos.

Red Hulk: Looks like Devil Dinosaur and Goon tagged along just for fun.

Skaar bring monsters to fight.

Fight, monsters, fight!

Hey, leave some for the home team.

Thing, Dr. Strange, Ghost Rider,

let's show them how to do it.

Let these invaders be punished.

The shields are weakening.

Our weapons are now unprotected.

Supreme Intelligence: It matters not.

The Kree shall not fall to these monsters.

The Kree shall prevail.

Hulk: Make way for a teleporter.

She-Hulk has brought the Inhumans,

joined by Olympus's favorite son.

Let 'em have it, Hercules.

(grunting)

We're not doing enough damage. Black Bolt!

Hey, Doc. How about some mystic protection?

Black Bolt here has something to say.

(whispers) Stop.

-(alarm blaring) -Master, all shields have failed.

But I shall not.

(grunting)

I may be defenseless,

but my ship will collide with Earth before you reach me.

Your planet is lost.

So we'll just call in another planet.

Supreme Intelligence: Ego?

No!

A-Bomb as Ego: Hey, buddy. Surprise.

-Rick? -You gotta be kidding me.

A-Bomb a planet. (laughs)

Awesome.

Classic Jones.

We called in a few friends.

The Guardians of the Galaxy and little Ego,

who even let me take a turn in this bad boy's driver's seat.

Guardians,

you and Rick get all those other ships out of here.

Black Bolt, have Lockjaw teleport everyone else.

Jen, I'm staying with Rick. I got an idea.

Hey, Rick! Time to go for a smash ball special,

Planet A-Bomb style.

Oh, yeah, epic. Bring it on, big guy.

(spits)

(growling)

A-Bomb, finish him off.

Planet A-Bomb's away!

(laughs) Woo-hoo!

No! (grunts)

(explosion)

Remember that the next time you come here looking for a fight.

I got friends.

A-Bomb as Ego: Oh, yeah! Smashers unlimited.

Iron Man: I see now you're way more than a monster of heroes, Hulk.

You're a leader of heroes.

And I guess we're all hungry heroes.

I'm sure Jarvis can accommodate all these weary world-savers.

Cap, I got a better idea.

Spider-Man: So, uh, Star Guy, what're you having?

It's Star-Lord, and trust me,

the chili burgers are worth crossing the galaxy for.

Yeah, I'm sticking with the tuna melt.

Thanks for giving our friend a job, Herb.

He's recovering from being an evil mastermind

and some good, honest work is just what he needs now.

I'm glad to have the extra help,

what with all the new customers flooding the place.

The Leader: Order up.

(playful music)

Oh, man. We saved the Earth, and we only got...

Three more thumbs-ups?

What is up with that?

What's up is if I was hosting this webcast instead of you, Jones,

we'd be going viral.

The webcast doesn't matter.

It's the lives you save, the people you help.

Skaar help good.

Now Skaar help self to more burgers.

Sometimes you have to ask yourself,

is it more important that people think you're a hero

or that you are one?

- Hulk... - Oh, no, wait a minute.

- I want to say it. - No, my turn.

- Skaar say. - I'll say it.

(yelps) Red Hulk, over and out.

Wait a minute. The show's about me.

Hulk: Hulk out. Hulk out.

Skaar: Okay, Skaar say, "Skaar out."

(overlapping dialogue)

(closing theme music)