Original subtitles

Hey, S.M.A.S.H. fans.

She-Hulk here with some bad news.

The Hulk is still lost in time.

It all started when The Leader stole Dr. Doom's time belt,

then jumped back in time to erase the Hulk.

The good news is, the Hulk grabbed a spare belt

and jumped back in time to stop him

and keep the Leader from changing history as we know it.

But there's more bad news.

They've been fighting it out through the ages,

and every time they change something in the past,

it messes with the present.

Million-dollar question is,

when will old Jade Jaws pop up next?

Uh-oh. World in trouble again.

She-Hulk: That's not so bad, Skaar.

So there's a weird, big, green cloud out there.

(creatures snarling)

A-Bomb: That's not all that's out there, Jen.

What are you doing back in time, Greenie?

(yelling)

(thuds)

Ooh.

I'll never get used to this time travel thing.

Wish Doc Doom included a barf bag with this belt.

-(retches) -(stomach rumbles)

(vomits)

(The Leader laughs)

Leader. No time to lose.

(grunts)

(yells) Gotcha, high-head!

It's too late, Hulk. My plan runs deeper than you realize.

What plan? Talk, big brain,

before I turn your head into a punching bag.

Even if you beat my head into pulp,

I'd still be smarter than you.

When and where are we?

You got two seconds.

London, 1890.

What, you can't get fish and chips in the present?

No, you dolt.

I'm here for the only other man in history

more evil and powerful than me,

but not as brilliant, of course.

And I'm going to ally myself with him in...

the next 10 seconds.

-(beeps) -Mmm-hmm.

(train horn blaring in distance)

Who is more evil than you?

Hulk: Dracula.

Oh, man.

I miss my team.

(theme music)

Your doom approaches, Hulk.

(The Leader laughs)

(grunting)

(GROANS)

Dracula: Such strength.

What manner of creature is this?

Another one of Dr. Frankenstein's creations?

Not even close, creep.

I am Count Dracula.

And you, creature,

I can sense a power unlike any other in your veins.

You will serve me.

No, thanks, fang face.

I know all about you and your little swirly hypnosis trick.

(growling)

(groans)

Vampires.

Why'd it have to be vampires?

My vampire minions...

-Attack! -(creatures screech)

(grunting)

Get off of me, you undead mosquitoes!

I said, "Off!"

(creatures growling)

Oh, great. More fanged freaks.

The Leader: Count Dracula, ruler of the undead,

I, The Leader, have traveled far and wide

to find your esteemed eminence.

-You found me, you green monstrosity. -(whimpers)

Speak quickly, before I drain you dry.

The Leader: I share his power, Count.

Bite me, and your fate will be the same.

What sort of demon are you

that you would have such magic?

Not magic, science...

The science of the oncoming century.

And you can have that power, Dracula.

I can give it to you.

Dracula: No! Not the sun!

(rooster crows)

It's light I cannot abide.

You will never have to worry about the sun again, Count.

Your offer intrigues me, creature.

Let us continue this conversation inside.

Oh, yes. Of course.

(whirring)

(creatures growling)

(Hulk grunting)

Ah! Thank goodness for sunrise.

(train engine whirrs)

Betcha Leader's on that train.

A-Bomb: Has everyone in town been turned into a bloodsucker but us?

-Eh, try to bite me, will ya? -(glass shatters)

Red Hulk: Smash 'em, Hulks!

If there's any humans left, you have a choice,

become a vampire or become food.

Too many scary bitey people.

You ain't kidding, Skaar.

(grunts)

My wooden stake should hold them off, at least for a while.

Then what? How do we fix this, Mr. Monster Movie Expert?

Break the curse, and everyone will go back to normal.

To do that, we've gotta destroy the master vampire.

You know, stabby-stab with a stake.

-No. Steak for eating, not stabbing. -(people clamoring)

We also need silver, anointed water, and garlic.

-(grunts) -Lots and lots of garlic.

Well, there's a little deli. Bound to be some garlic in there.

(bell tolling)

Hulk: Hmm. They're here all right.

Cute. A tarp-covered walkway

that protects Dracula from sunlight.

(grunts)

(Frank growling)

Frank?

It's me.

It's Hulk.

-(grunts) -(groans)

(growling)

Oh, yeah. He hasn't met me yet.

Frank smash Dracula's monster!

(Frank groans)

Take it easy, you box of bolts. We're friends.

(grunts)

I don't like Dracula either.

I'm on your side.

You are like Frank,

but Frank have no side.

Frank alone.

Yeah. I know how you feel, buddy.

I'm alone too.

But now we have each other and a mission.

Come on.

Mmm. Yes.

Frank: Two monsters on a mission.

Hulk: Drac's gotta be in here somewhere.

(Werewolf grunts)

Yeah. I know him.

Or, at least, his grandson in the future.

I know you too, N'Kantu.

You're the Living Mummy.

Dracula: The hour grows late, my friends.

Quick, this way.

Have you made your decision?

(growls) I'll never bow down to you, Dracula.

I despise your kind.

And I, a pharaoh, serve a mere count?

N'Kantu serves none but himself.

Decisive enough for you, vampire?

If you're not with me, you're against me.

You can rot here until I decide your fates...

In a few hundred years.

Hey, I'll free you both, but I need your help.

Dracula's teamed up with my enemy, The Leader.

Whatever they're up to will put the whole world in danger.

We do not care about the world.

We just want vengeance on Dracula.

This isn't about revenge.

You have powers other men don't.

You should fight for humankind.

(scoffs) What has humankind done for us?

N'Kantu: Motive does not matter.

You need our help as much as we need yours, monster.

Free us.

The name's not monster, it's Hulk.

Now let's get moving before I regret this.

The Leader: I call it the Gamma Furnace.

Simple in design.

I will demonstrate when I have assurance we will be partners.

I don't take partners,

I take slaves.

Now show me.

You think your 19th century parlor magic

can trap the most powerful mind in...

Yes, master.

(Frank yells)

Hulk: Leader didn't see that coming.

Let's light up this place.

(snarls)

That beast is becoming a nuisance.

You, activate the furnace, now!

Yes, master.

(whirring)

(ominous music)

Awaken, my children.

(creatures growling)

Vampires bite.

Skaar: Why city look so creepy?

Red Hulk: Because vampires have taken over, dummy.

Skaar not like this hiding place.

Red Hulk: Dog-boy's right. We're trapped.

(A-Bomb sighs) Well, I think we're safe up here.

At least till the sun goes down.

And then we're pretty much doomed.

You are not putting my mind at ease, Jones.

You see those fires? They're some kind of smokestacks,

pumping out all this green poison.

Hey, that's Dracula's castle.

He's behind this!

We stop the smoke, the sky clears up,

and the sun'll cook Dracula.

Good-bye, vampire problem.

(creatures growling)

Werewolf, watch your back!

You see? That's what heroes do.

They stick up for each other.

(growls) Don't tell me what to fight for, monster.

(sighs)

If these jerks aren't gonna help, I'll do it myself.

(grunting)

The beast will destroy my furnace!

You have failed me, Leader.

(chuckling) No. No, master.

This was just the test run.

Wait until you see what your humble servant has planned.

Come, let these monsters perish.

We have much work to do.

You are going to be a very busy servant.

Off me, foul spawn!

Frank, help N'Kantu!

Hulk: Frank, listen to me! Frank!

We've gotta back each other up!

Everyone look out!

(whirrs)

Finally. Okay, team.

Let's find Dracula and the Leader and the...

Team?

(scoffs) They're gone.

Oh.

So, you're running away? What kind of monsters are you?

The kind humanity despises.

Sorry, green monster.

We're getting as far away from Dracula and London as we can.

We help Hulk attack Dracula.

Fight over.

Hulk: But the fight isn't over.

Look at the gamma cloud coming out of that smokestack.

It'll shroud everything from the sun.

Once Dracula takes over London with his train,

the world will be next.

Not again. (grunts)

I came from the future, where you're far more than this.

You join forces and fight for something greater.

What's that?

The people of the world.

Now's your chance to do something for somebody else for a change.

N'Kantu: It will change nothing, Hulk.

To humans, we are, and always shall be, monsters.

We were all human once.

We're only monsters when we forget that.

(growls) We've been forced by humans to forget.

All they see are a bunch of evil freaks.

So make 'em see differently.

(sighs) Fine.

Then it's up to me to finish this...

alone. (grunts)

(horn blares)

(grunts)

Dracula: Impressive.

Your science will shroud the whole world in this green smoke.

My greatest enemy, the light of the sun,

will be defeated.

Yes, master.

You will rule now and forever.

(yells)

Leader, I've come to get you out.

You're coming back with me. (chuckles)

There's no hope, Hulk.

He calls me Renfield now,

the name of his fallen servant.

What do you mean, there's no hope?

I did as the master commanded. I did. I did.

I made a gamma-resistant strain of the vampire virus.

(chuckles) Now we can both become one with the master.

(laughing)

Wow. You've really lost it, Leader.

He's under my control now...

as you are about to be.

(Hulk grunts) Ah!

Ha!

(groaning)

No! (roars)

Red Hulk: Keep climbing, Smashers Almost there!

She-Hulk: Made it. You ready for this?

Wait. We need to arm up for the big bad.

Garlic, symbol of purity. Good for the blood, great on pizzas.

Dracula hates the stuff.

This better work, Jones.

You get the anointed water, Jen.

But toss it only when you're close enough to get a direct hit.

It hurts Drac as much as sunlight.

And Skaar, a dagger of pure silver.

Ooh.

The bane of supernatural creatures, according to Monsterpedia.

Hey, hey, hey. Use it only when we really need it.

Skaar like pretty blade.

Well, what about you, Rick?

Are you kidding?

I'm keeping all the best gear for myself, yo.

-(Dracula laughing) -(warbling)

A-Bomb: Dracula?

Welcome, my old friends.

Hulk?

A-Bomb: Looks more like Count Hulkula.

I haven't seen you in well over a hundred years.

Hulk... Vampire?

A-Bomb: This is your castle?

But what about Dracula?

Count Dracula and the Leader

both fell beneath my power.

They would not serve me.

Now, you have that choice.

She-Hulk: Hulk, it's us.

We're your friends.

Vampires have no friends.

Only servants...

and food! (growls)

Whoa!

Take a whiff, Count Greenie.

Hey.

I am far too powerful for such things, fool.

Garlic, Jones? You big dummy.

(screams)

That was too close.

I told you, I am more than just a vampire...

I am Lord Hulk, Dark Master of this World.

(Lord Hulk laughs)

Dracula: Do not struggle, Hulk. Give in.

You are one of us now.

No!

(clanging)

(growls)

(gasps)

(Hulk groans) You...

came back.

Humanity needs our help.

We don't want to be seen as monsters forever.

You won't. Trust me...

(groaning)

You helped us, Hulk.

We help you.

We must stand as one,

or we will all fall under Dracula's curse.

Ah!

Your powers have waned, N'Kantu,

while my power grows.

Join me before it's too late.

Never.

It's over, Dracula.

(groans)

It's only beginning, monster.

You can't resist me now.

(groaning)

Hulk? Are you...

(snarls)

One... last...shot!

(ringing)

Oh, no...

Light! And it's burning out the virus.

(whispers)

(growls)

(snarls)

Been waiting a long time for this.

Dracula: It amuses me.

The living are just so slow.

-(Dracula laughs) -Frank: Hulk.

No.

(screams)

(breathing heavily)

I appreciate the attempted rescue, Hulk.

Your heroism is sickening, as always.

Goodbye for now.

Next time, it will be war.

No, not again.

Get out before it's too late.

I'm going to wreck this gamma engine.

Frank stay with Hulk.

We are together in this.

Till the end, my friend.

Hulk: Take it apart!

(crashes)

Hulk: My Smashers couldn't have done it better.

(grunts)

She-Hulk: Too strong!

A-Bomb, your anti-vampire weapons aren't cuttin' it.

Skaar, just use the blade.

Oh, yeah, Skaar forgot to slash.

(clanging)

Fools.

Huh?

Lord Hulk: No!

Red Hulk: Sunshine's back!

Yes! And that means...

(groaning)

A-Bomb: Finally, the curse is broken.

Skaar: Humans turn back.

Halloween over, Greenie?

Yeah. Thanks, Smashers!

You saved me and the world.

Thought we lost you.

A-Bomb: Oh! Red Hulk: Wait, wait...

(all screaming)

Dracula's castle and Hulk are gone.

Not really.

I think another alternate version of the Hulk has been created.

But our... The real Hulk is still back there,

lost in time.

Uh, explain time travel to Skaar again.

Skaar not understand.

Werewolf: It's finally over.

I'm proud of you guys.

You stuck together and fought for something.

You're a team with a positive mission now.

Our thanks to you, Hulk.

It was an honor to fight by your side.

So where do you go from here?

Back to your time?

No, after the Leader.

If I don't stop him, there won't be a "my time" to go back to.

Goodbye, Hulk.

See you in the future.

Fighting for something bigger than myself

always gets me through the dark times.

I feel honored to have been the one

to bring the Howling Commandos together as a team.

(sighs) Unless the Leader gets his way

and unwinds all of time and space.

Guess that means I better get moving.

Time stands still for no one.

-(clicking) - Not even me.

Hulk out.

(closing theme music)