Original subtitles

(whooshes)

She-Hulk: Nothing like a few months lost in space to make you miss the big city.

(sighs) Not sure the big city missed us.

Don't worry, Captain Blue Butt's pirate webcast

is gonna show the world we're still out

being good guys, right, Ricky?

Yup. As long I keep your ugly mug off-camera

and Leader doesn't frame us all over again.

Hey, remaining Hulk fans. If you've been keeping up,

you know Leader jacked our weapons,

which is bad news for the world,

but he also swiped my pet dinosaur.

Our pet dinosaur.

-(grunts) - Yeah, right. Whatever. The point is,

stealing weapons is one thing. You're a super-villain

and you wanna blow up the world, or whatever? That's fine, I get that.

But boosting someone's pet?

That is stone-cold messed up.

Got a blip on the GPS tracker in Devil's collar.

Central Park, here we come.

What if Devil-boy got mad Hulks left him?

Mad at us?

No, he loves us.

No, he loves us.

Are you kidding? He's fine.

(whirring)

Hulk: Tracker says we're close.

-(distant screaming) -(Devil Dinosaur roars)

But I don't think we're gonna need it.

(people screaming)

If Leader hurts our little Devil,

I'm gonna swat him over the head with a rolled-up jumbo jet.

What?

Just 'cause I like big guns, threatening people, and punching stuff,

doesn't mean I don't have a soft side.

I'll show ya.

Ain't he cute?

He loves to roughhouse.

-(Spider-Man straining) -(Devil Dinosaur growling)

Spider-Man: Oh, hey Hulk.

Hulk: Spider-Man?

Yup, that's the dead last thing I expected to see.

Spider-Man: Lose something?

A-Bomb: Oh, you saw the dog collar?

Yeah. Pretty cool, right?

Don't let him scare you. He's a real sweetheart when you get to know him.

Spider-Man: Oh, sure, that's what they all say.

Right before I get turned into some mutt's chew toy.

(Spider-Man groaning)

-(water babbling) -(Spider-Man groaning)

Yeah? Well maybe you're just not good with animals.

Let me show you how it's done.

-Come to papa. -(A-Bomb whistles)

-Devil-boy. Skaar pet -Devil, come here, boy.

(snarls)

(roars)

I don't think he's happy to see us.

(theme music)

(Devil Dinosaur roars)

Easy, fella. It's us, your family, remember?

(all grunt)

-(Spider-Man groans) -(water rippling)

Does the raddest pet of all time actually know he's your pet?

Or for that matter,

do you know he's a Tyrannosaurus Rex?

Skaar know tram-ya-son-rus-us-us...

Rex.

Eh, he's just a little salty on account of us

leaving him alone at the base for...

You know, a bit.

Spider-Man: Mm-hm.

We didn't mean to leave him behind.

It was Leader's fault.

We were lost in space.

(Spider-Man sighs) Do me a favor.

Next time you want to let your pet dinosaur off his leash,

do it on Monster Island.

I hear they have an excellent kennel service.

(Spider-Man grunts)

Red Hulk: Let's go get him.

I've never seen Devil so freaked out before.

But what if Spidey's right?

Maybe he really doesn't remember us.

Red Hulk: Of course, he remembers us.

Animals never forget who feeds them.

Which we haven't been around to do in...

Oh, man.

(sobbing) I am a terrible mother.

(blows nose)

(sobbing)

-(people screaming) -(exploding)

Hulk: Sorry our problem got dropped in your backyard.

Spider-Man: Backyard? Your problem is doing its business

all over my front lawn, Hulk.

Despite the smashy-smash, you're usually pretty responsible.

You never thought,

"Gee, I'm pretty busy saving the world all the time.

Maybe I should get a pet that doesn't require so much attention."

Like a cactus.

We Hulks always take care of our own.

Spidey's probably just sore about getting tossed in the pond.

And nearly eaten.

Yeah.

(roaring)

You can, uh, bill Tony Stark for that.

(Devil Dinosaur growls)

(siren blares)

(siren shuts off)

A-Bomb: This is bad.

If this makes the news, we're gonna get tagged for smashing two cities.

And this time, it's gonna sorta kinda be our fault.

-(people screaming) -(roaring)

Puppy scared.

Hulks, we gotta box him in.

Spider-Man: And I'll just put a leash

on the largest predatory animal to ever walk to planet.

(horn honks)

(woman screams)

Spider-Man: For all the good it'll do.

We gotta wrap this up fast

before the cops, Army, S.H.I.E.L.D., and the Avengers

all come knocking at once.

Don't worry, webby, we'll take the heat for this.

We know you got it bad enough with...

Jameson: Spider-Man is at it again.

He's unleashed a T. rex on the city,

and worse yet, he's teamed up with the fugitive Hulks

who are wanted for the destruction of their home town.

-That actually wasn't our fault either. -(car horns honking)

Spider-Man: I know you guys would never trash your town,

but right now, your pet is trashing mine.

So, let's get this dino wrangled

before Jameson finds something else to blame me for.

(growls)

(belches)

(Skaar sniffs)

Hmm. Devil's food not agree with him.

Spider-Man: Wonder if it was the hotdog cart he ate.

Or maybe the falafel truck.

(Devil Dinosaur farts)

Spider-Man: Nope, definitely the taco stand.

A-Bomb: Come on, Red, we can tackle him.

Spider-Man: Or not.

-We need to get him off the streets. -(rumbles)

(loud rumbling)

-(groans) -Skaar: Devil-boy sick?

What happened to you, pal?

(whirring)

Premise, what's the best way to destroy the Hulks?

Conclusion, blow up their pet.

Hurt one horn on his head, Leader,

and you're getting smashed into pea soup.

So protective.

How cute.

I'll cut to the chase.

There's a gamma bomb in your dog's belly.

You have two minutes to get it out. Enjoy.

(beeping)

Spider-Man: Wow.

He is a horrible, horrible person, isn't he?

Hold still, Devil. Hold still.

Red just has to reach into your gut, and scoop something out.

Oh, I get it. Now that he's in trouble, he's my pet dinosaur.

Red Hulk: All right, hold still, you overgrown lizard.

-(squelches) -(growls)

-(grunts) -She-Hulk: Devil, come back.

Spider-Man: I've heard of alligators in the sewers,

but dinosaurs in the subway?

Only in New York.

That's all you.

-(thumping) -A-Bomb: Ow, ow, ow.

Gee, thanks, Spidey.

He lost trust in us.

Oh, you think?

(rumbling)

-(horn blares) -(grunts)

No!

I'm never gonna forgive myself if something happens to him.

Spider-Man: Don't worry, big green. We'll get him in time.

Devil?

Where are you, boy?

We're just trying to help you.

Skaar: Here, dino, dino, dino.

-Oh, here he comes. -(train approaching)

-(THUDS) -Oh!

Go on without me!

(growl echoes)

A-Bomb: I hear him. We're coming, DD.

-(grunts) -(whirring)

(beeping)

Plan, plan, who's got a plan?

Once a stuntwoman, always a stuntwoman.

I'm going in.

You didn't really think I'd let you win, did you?

(beeping rapidly)

-(zaps) -(explodes)

What'd I miss?

Skaar: Devil-boy go boom.

(dramatic music)

No!

(echoing) No!

Poor little Devil.

I already miss his big slobbery smile.

(Spidey sense tingles)

Spider-Man: Whoa. Spidey sense.

(Devil Dinosaur growls)

Spider-Man: Um, guys...

(explodes)

Ah! Nah, I don't miss the slobber.

Hulk: Now I know what the Leader meant by "blow up."

I think we just doomed New York.

-(people screaming) -(roaring)

She-Hulk: Devil could stomp Manhattan flat without even noticing.

We need to keep him calm.

(sirens blaring)

(roaring)

Spider-Man: One you needs to take responsibility for him

before he Tyrannosaurus wrecks Manhattan.

(straining)

(web rips)

(roars)

No! Bad Devil.

Hulk: Let go. That's not a chew bus.

(Devil Dinosaur screeching)

(screams)

(thuds)

Hulk: Gotcha.

(Hulk straining)

Help me hold him back.

(all grunting)

Hurry. Jameson wants a close up.

(roars)

(rumbling)

reporter 1: We're out of here.

(rumbling)

(helicopter whirring)

Skaar tame.

(rumbles)

Ouch.

She-Hulk: Watch out.

(yells)

Get your keisters indoors.

Dino on the loose.

man 1: On the loose?

Guys?

More Bugle choppers? Here comes the bad news.

Just when you think the Hulks can't get any worse,

they create a monster to do the smashing for them.

Cross your fingers and toes the army gets here before that thing T-wrecks.

(glass shatters)

Red's slippers are one thing, but since when does he try to eat cars?

Spider-Man: The growth spurt must have spiked his metabolism.

He's got an even bigger belly and the appetite to go with it.

Then let's steer him out of the city

before he turns Broadway into a buffet table.

(crunches)

Dino, stop!

-(Devil Dinosaur roars) -(rumbles)

Skaar... Ache.

A-Bomb: Stop! Whoa, heel!

D-d-d-down boy.

Can you at least tip-toe?

Spider-Man: Where's a guy even go to get a dinosaur these days?

Time-travel? Genetic engineering?

Down in the Savage Land.

We dino-napped him from this evil pterodactyl dude

who was mind-controlling him.

Spider-Man: Sounds about right. Whoa!

Didn't you train him?

Roll over? Fetch?

Don't destroy the biggest city in the country?

When we really want him to do something, we give him a treat.

Wait, that's it.

He loves hot dogs.

We just need some fast-moving bait to lure him out of town.

Spider-Man: Why are you looking at me like that?

No, no, no. Nuh-uh. Not a chance.

I've gone down the Spider-Ham road before, and I'm not traveling it again.

-(chopper whirring) -(jets whooshing)

Oh, great. The army's here.

That's not good.

Spider-Man: Help!

(Devil Dinosaur roars)

Hulk: Oh. Neither is that.

(panting)

Spider-Man: This is so not in the superhero job description.

(screaming)

I bet Captain America never has to dress up like french fries.

You're doing great, Spidey.

(Spider-Man screaming)

(rumbles)

Skaar not laughing.

-(rumbles) - Ow.

Spidey, lead him to the river.

(Hulk crashing)

(roars)

Spider-Man: Come on, DD.

Bring it on down to Weinerville.

Okay, what's the next part of the plan?

Uh, this is as far as I got, actually, so...

Try not to get eaten?

(roars)

Red Hulk: Chew on this, Fido!

(crashing)

-(Red Hulk laughs) -(Devil Dinosaur growls)

A-Bomb: You fed him, Red. He's your baby now.

Nuh-uh. He ate you the day he met you.

That makes you his mama.

One of you please play parent,

'cause I'm not spending my last moments on earth

in a hotdog costume.

(grunts) (yells)

(splashes)

(Devil Dinosaur growling)

A-Bomb: Come on, Double-D, we're your friends, remember?

Don't you see we're trying to help you?

(A-Bomb whimpering)

All he sees is a bunch of doofuses trying to keep a meal out of his mouth.

Scary to say it, but Skaar was right.

He won't listen to us until we earn his trust back.

(Spider-Man groans) You just fed him.

A-Bomb: Uh, Spidey, he wants meat.

Spider-Man: Uh, don't let the costume fool you.

I'm... I'm all skin and bones.

(roars)

Hulk: Devil, stop! I brought you a meaty treat.

Yeah, you're hungry, aren't you?

It's gonna take more than a few pork bellies

to smooth this one over.

Hulk: Never underestimate the power of bacon.

(rockets firing)

(Devil Dinosaur growling)

Devil.

No!

Abomination.

Hello, old friend.

I have some sad news.

It's time to put your unruly pet to sleep.

Incoming!

Hulks, knock them out of the sky.

-(Hulks grunting) -(growling)

Spider-Man: Phew.

A-Bomb: What's he shooting at Devil for?

It's us he wants.

Round two, coming in.

A-Bomb, ball up.

A-Bomb: Smash ball, away.

-(thumps) -(exploding)

Spider-Man: I got A-Bomb. You're up, Skaar.

(grunts)

(exploding)

He knows we can't defend Devil unless we fight the military.

And fighting the military today, means fighting S.H.I.E.L.D. tomorrow,

and the Avengers the day after that.

Skaar punch whole world for dino.

Stay on defense, Red's right.

Abomination is baiting us to attack.

(claps)

(Devil Dinosaur roars)

-(grunts) -(splashes)

Spider-Man: So, Major Ugly up there is supposed to be the good guy?

A-Bomb: That's the story.

(Abomination laughs) You are your own worst enemies.

Risking your lives and reputations to save a pea-brained reptile.

(explodes)

Only pea-brained reptile taking a beating today is you.

(Hulk roars)

Abomination!

(explodes)

-(thumping) -(grunting)

You protect Devil.

I'll take care of him.

-(grunts) -(rumbles)

Hit me all you want, Hulk.

Punching a four-star general will only add to your prison sentence.

Hijacking the army isn't gonna end well for you, General.

Truth has a way of coming out,

and people will see who the real villain is.

They already have seen the real villain.

They trusted you to protect them, and you attacked them and fled.

They only trust me now.

(roars)

-Stop spreading lies! -(thumping)

Hey, if some goon framed you for smashing your hometown,

you'd go nuclear beat-down on him too.

(roaring)

(scoffs) Usually it's Shulkie's crummy driving

that gets these things blown up.

-Not my bull's eye-- -(thuds)

-Red Hulk: Oh! -(crashes)

A-Bomb: Spidey, you're a science nerd, right?

Spider-Man: Well, I wouldn't use the word "nerd", but...

Perfect. I figure whatever jumbo-sized him is still sitting in his gut.

Maybe we can reverse the blah-blah

and re-doohickey it into whatever

and shrink him back down.

Spider-Man: If we can get him to yak it up, we might be able to--

No time. We gotta go in.

Are you ready?

Spider-Man: Uh, what?

I just spent the last 20 minutes trying not to get eaten.

Look, buddy, I'm sorry we left you alone for so long.

There's no excuse for it.

-You're a great pet and deserve better. -(growling)

I promise to make this right.

And that means,

it's time for a treat.

(panting)

Spider-Man: Treat? Oh, man.

At least let me put my hard candy coating on.

-(roaring) -Spider-Man: Yikes.

-A-Bomb: A-bombs away. -(snaps)

(grunts)

-(beeps) -Send in every soldier, tank,

jet, and battleship to New York Harbor.

Destroy the Hulks.

Call them off.

You've dragged enough innocent troops into this.

I don't care what it takes.

I'll see you--

-(thuds) -(groans)

Flattened? Smashed? Didn't quite catch that.

More trouble's on the way, smashers.

Hulk: We need an exit plan.

Where's Spidey and A-Bomb?

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum jumped in the belly of the beast

with some cockamamie scheme to shrink him.

Hope they know what they're doing.

I'll get us some wings.

We can't be here when the cavalry comes back.

(grunts)

Hulk: We'll keep you safe, no matter what, pal.

That's a promise.

A-Bomb: This way.

Spider-Man: This isn't the first time you've been in here, is it?

Never mind. I don't wanna know.

Huh!

Smells like dead cheese and moldy fish in here.

The Leader: Don't I recognize you two from somewhere?

Oh, yes. The national news.

Seems you're out destroying New York.

(mumbles mockingly) "Don't I recognize you from..."

Congrats, green genius.

You finally figured out sarcasm.

Next time, show your face, so I can punch it.

Spider-Man: According to my calculations...

I have no idea how to reverse this.

-A-Bomb: Hey, maybe we can use... -Not that one!

(Spidey sense tingles) Spidey sense no like-y.

Process of elimination?

-A-Bomb: This one? -No.

-A-Bomb: This one? -No.

-A-Bomb: This one? -Definitely not.

-A-Bomb: This one? -Wait!

That's the one. Pull it.

(crackling) (powering up)

(whirring)

Awesome! I think it's working.

Spider-Man: We're still inside.

Ah, less awesome. Run for it!

(roaring)

(nose whistles)

(retches)

(both grunt)

(roars)

Hulk: They did it.

It doesn't matter.

In less than a minute, you'll be surrounded

by hundreds of troops.

-(thuds) -(grunts)

Love to stay and beat a confession out of you,

but we got a plane to catch.

Batter up, Devil!

-(thuds) -(screams)

-(crashing) -(rumbling)

You forgive us, yet?

(growls)

Missed you too, D. And don't worry,

we'll get you a big headed super-villain to chew up, soon.

(cooing) Yes, we will.

(whooshing)

Dudes, time to bail.

A-Bomb: Hey, thanks for sticking your neck out for us, web-head.

Spider-Man: No sweat, blue. Us menaces gotta stick together.

And hey, I might actually miss this big goofball.

Well, you can always come dino-sit.

Spider-Man: Yeah... Um, I'm busy that day.

(swishing)

Later, smashers!

Spidey always says, "With great power comes great responsibility."

Goes for great pets, too.

Ain't that right, buddy?

-Red Hulk: Atta boy! -A-Bomb: Aw, you're the best, buddy.

-She-Hulk: Who's a good dino? -(speaking gibberish)

-(retches) -(squelches)

-ugh! -Me?He is your dino...

Red-Hulk: A-bomb, clean this up. A-Bomb: It is not my responsibility.

Look, Devil-boy make shark barf.

Uh,

Hulk out.

(closing theme music)