Original subtitles

(heroic music)

(zapping)

Hulk: Well, Jen...

She-Hulk: Planetary alignment is right.

Scans are positive. I think this is it.

We did it, Hulks.

We made back to Earth.

-Yeah! -Skaar happy.

That's right, Hulkies. We're back.

Our intergalactic road trip has finally come to an end.

Did you miss us?

Well, considering how we left the place, maybe not so much.

But we're totally gonna fix it.

See, we brought back living proof the whole thing was a setup,

and we were heroes the whole time.

- Wave hello, living proof. -(groans)

He's a little camera-shy.

Anyway, you know what I miss the most about home?

Gamma burgers, baby. Mmm!

I miss real weapons.

Not these cheap Leader knockoffs.

Skaar miss playing fetch with pet Dino.

You know what I won't miss?

Recycled air.

Smells like Hulk feet in here.

What did I miss?

I don't know.

Every time I get settled somewhere, I always end up back on the run.

Guess I never get too attached to a place.

That way, there's nothing to miss when I leave.

A-Bomb: We're coming in range to pick up a live feed from Gamma Base.

Huh, I'm only able to access one camera.

-Hey, there's Devil Dinosaur. -(growling)

Devil boy,

hello. Skaar here.

How long till he figures out Devil can't see or hear him?

Somewhere between never and when a really hot place freezes over.

(scoffs)

(whooshes)

I'm surprised Devil's food supply lasted this long.

Well, maybe he figured out how to order a pizza.

Or a pizza delivery guy!

(growls)

A-Bomb: Oh, no, that's just his regular chow,

bones and all.

Hulk: Is that the weapons vault?

How'd Devil get in there?

More like how does he get out?

Looks like somebody locked him in.

We'll be there in a minute to let him out.

Besides, our base is an impregnable fortress.

No unauthorized personnel could just waltz in the front door.

(whirs) (clanks)

She-Hulk: Then who's operating that?

(whirring)

(zaps)

(clanks)

(alarms blaring) (all grunt)

Whoever it is, they're using an anti-Hulk cannon.

Which means they've been waiting for us.

And they still think we're the bad guys.

-(alarm beeping) -She-Hulk: Gets worse.

The controls are frozen.

So much for our homecoming.

(theme music)

She-Hulk: Hulk, I can't pull up.

(She-Hulk grunts)

A-Bomb: We're gonna crash?

You brutes are determined to do away with me.

Don't blame me. Shulky's at the wheel.

-(thumps) -Ow! No back-seat drivers.

Pull up, pull up, pull up!

Please don't hit the Gamma Burger, please don't hit the Gamma Burger!

She-Hulk: We cleared town, but we're still gonna hit ground,

hard.

Everyone abandon ship.

(whooshing)

-(The Leader whimpering) -Just hang on, big brain.

The Leader: Oh, no.

(crashes) (rumbles)

-(grunts) -(whimpers)

Yes! Yes! (smooching)

Back on sweet mother Earth. (spits)

You fatuous, maladroit behemoth.

Have you lost what little mind you still possess?

You're welcome.

Doesn't being back home make you feel anything?

Hulk: Yeah.

Uneasy.

(aircrafts approaching)

(missiles whooshing)

Get down!

(explodes)

(all grunt)

What's wrong with them flyboys?

I never would have ordered an unprovoked attack when I was in charge.

Guess you'll have to lodge a complaint with your replacement.

Yes, why would the military attack five uncontrollable monsters

who leveled their own home town?

-Good point. -Unhand me, you--

-(Yelling) -Hey, it's okay, we're the good guys,

and we brought back the real bad guy, see?

-Watch out! -(both grunt)

Oh, yeah?

Two can play shoot first, ask questions later.

Skaar smash puny airplane.

No, fighting will only make it worse.

We'll prove our innocence by taking The Leader to the police in town.

At least they'll hear us out.

(whooshing)

(thuds)

Skaar: Town all fixed.

She-Hulk: Damage Control got in here fast.

Place looks better than new.

A-Bomb: Yay, welcome back, water tower.

Oh, happy homecoming, used car lot.

I could eat you up, Gamma Burger.

(grunts)

What's that look for?

You're not the least bit excited to be home?

It's just a bunch of roads and buildings.

I'm more concerned about the people,

and why we're not seeing any.

announcer: Attention citizens of Vista Verde,

military curfew is now in effect.

Both: Military curfew?

(clanking)

ALL: Hulkbusters.

I thought Stark was gonna dismantle those tin cans,

not sell them to the military.

Help, I'm being held captive by... (muffled grunts)

Skaar slash metal men.

No, let's not call attention to ourselves just yet.

Hulk: Quick, into that alley.

announcer: All citizens are ordered to remain indoors.

The fugitive Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H.

have been spotted in the area.

Red Hulk: Huh, only a million-dollar reward.

A-Bomb: I think that's for each of us.

Man: You...

-...are wanted men. -(grunts)

Hulk: Mayor Stan?

So glad to see you, Hulk.

You know, we never gave up on you,

even when the military took over the town.

-So what's with all the Hulkbusters? -The trigger-happy drones?

General says they're protecting us from another Hulk attack.

Yeah, but who's gonna protect us from them?

We are. We're gonna free you.

As for this general,

I'm gonna deliver our big-headed, living alibi to him.

And I know just where to find him.

Wait, there's something you need to know about that general.

-(zaps) -(grunts)

Hulkbuster 1: Halt!

Let's draw those Hulkbusters away from Red, and try not to level the town.

-(exploding) -Come and get me.

Skaar kaboom!

-(explodes) -(rapid gunshots)

(groans)

A-Bomb: Oh, no, not the water tower,

not the water tower!

Not the Gamma Burger, not the Gamma Burger!

A-Bomb: Jen, give me a hand!

She-Hulk: You're hilarious, Rick.

(strained grunts)

Man 1: Ah! Oh, good gracious.

She-Hulk: Good one, Rick.

How did you know there were people inside?

Um, I didn't,

but as long as you're here,

can I get a triple stack with extra pickles and hold the onions?

Ignore kid clueless, just run.

cook: Run where?

No one's allowed to leave town.

General's orders.

Hulkbuster 2: Hulks located.

-(people screaming) -She-Hulk: Stay inside.

We're gonna put a stop to this martial law now.

(rapid gunshots)

A-Bomb: You were saying, Jen?

Red, where you going?

Back when I was general in charge of chasing you around,

I posted up at the police station.

Let's see if newbie does the same.

You lumbering oafs truly believe delivering me to the authorities

will undo all the damage you perpetrated on this town?

-Ah, shut your pie hole. -(whooshing)

Uh-oh! Go long!

(screams)

(grunts)

Special delivery for the general in charge.

That would be me.

Abomination.

It's General Abomination now.

Well, you're major ugly to me, lizard lips,

and I'm taking you out.

(rapid gunshots)

(screams)

-(exploding) -(grunting)

Red Hulk: Give me that.

You're gonna pay for tricking us into destroying Vista Verde.

You're going down.

Abomination: Not if you can't see me.

-(whirs) -(groans) Blasted retinal scan!

That's a cheap shot, even for you, Blonsky.

As usual, Ross,

you fail to see the bigger picture.

The way I see it, you're still outnumbered, five-to-one.

You might want to check your Math.

Abomination, free me at once.

I'm afraid I follow a new leader, now.

Uncle Sam.

And my orders are to destroy Hulks, regardless of collateral damage.

(Hulk growls)

Attack!

(rapid gunshots)

-A-Bomb: Get 'em, Smashers! -(grunts)

-(clanking) -(grunting)

You monsters made quite an impression before you disappeared.

The military pardoned me,

restored me to active duty,

and even promoted me.

(whirring)

(grunts)

(rumbles)

(clanging)

(screams)

(thudding)

The Leader: No! Stop!

-(thuds) -(roars)

(rumbles)

The Leader: Please let me go.

After all, it takes a monster

to fight a monster.

Isn't that right, General Ross?

Now, I am your superior in every way.

Ironic, no?

Right, because I was responsible

for creating Abomination in the first place.

Ironic, I get it.

Wait, why is it ironic?

Oh, because you created Abomination to chase the Hulk,

and now he chases you?

- Ha, that really is. -(sizzling)

That's like textbook.

-(thuds) - Oof!

-(crashes) - Ow!

(cat screeches)

Where'd solider scales go?

Never mind him.

We gotta lure these suits out of town,

away from people.

Okay, but lure them where?

We can't go back to base.

(explodes)

(warbling)

The Leader: They have you outnumbered and out-gunned.

I know a hiding place, come on.

Hulkbuster 3: All units, pursue and destroy.

(whooshes)

Do what I do. Just trust me.

-(grunting) -(rumbling)

Hulkbuster 4: Continue to search the area.

Fools.

You may have escaped my sentries,

but there will be no escape

from the fury I am about to unleash.

-(grunts) -(rumbles)

Red Hulk: Sure is dark in here.

What is this place, anyway?

Hulk: Little hideout I dug for myself,

back when you were hunting me as General Thunderbolt Ross.

Wait,

all that time you were hiding from me

right under my own nose?

More like under your toes.

Hulk used to lock himself in here so, he wouldn't hurt anybody.

Wait a minute, you two knew about it, too?

How touching.

Even then, the monster held a sentimental attachment

to this pathetic dustbowl.

It was more about keeping tabs on my enemy.

(grunts)

Speaking of which...

(groans)

(rumbles)

This vent leads to the police station,

right to your old office.

Which would be Abomination's new office.

So what are waiting for?

Let's grind 'em into Gamma burgers.

Skaar slash scaly man.

Wait,

if we want to liberate the town from that maniac,

we need to know what he's up to, first.

That's our cue, Hulksters.

Go, go, remote-controlled Hulk-cam.

A-Bomb: What is he doing?

Red Hulk: He's up to something.

A-Bomb: Whoa, check out that new bling.

Looks awfully familiar.

He got it from the weapon's vault

back at Gamma Base!

Weapon's vault?

Curious.

(clicking)

(whirring)

Thanks for the retinal scan, Red Hulk.

computer: Retinal scan approved,

General Thaddeus Ross.

Access granted.

What? Come on.

First he steals my job, now he steals my eyeball?

Abomination: The Green Hammer is at my command.

"The Green Hammer"?

Eh, it's nothing.

Just a little high-altitude weaponized drone

I made to use against you.

You know, back in the day.

Let me guess,

it's got a big gamma gun on it?

Ah, I put big gamma guns on my cereal.

You I know I got a whole vault full of them back at the base.

Interesting.

-(beeps) -(whirring)

With the Green Hammer,

I can topple entire nations single-handedly.

The world will tremble in fear.

Hulk: Tremble at this!

-(rumbles) -(grunts)

-(thumping) -(grunting)

(groaning)

-You swore you were protecting this town. -(thumping)

-(grunting) -My town.

But you were just using it as bait to lure us in.

I knew you Hulks would come to help these people,

even if it meant your own destruction.

Hulk: If that's what it takes to stop you.

(rumbles)

(rapid gunshots)

(groans)

A-Bomb: I got you, Jen.

(gunshots)

And since you love your town so much,

I will destroy it first.

(zapping)

(powering up)

(zapping)

(rumbling)

Hulk: You can't do this, Blonsky.

Mission accomplished.

Do svidaniya, Hulks.

(whooshes)

(tense music)

-(zapping) -(rumbling)

(rapid gunshots)

(explodes)

-(roars) -(thuds)

Hulk: So, what are we up against?

Red Hulk: Super-concentrated gamma energy.

Vaporizes everything in its path.

A-Bomb: Well, nice work, Red.

It was supposed to be a weapon of last resort.

-(explodes) -(grunts)

How many weapons of last resort did you build?

Actually, I kinda lost count.

Skaar smash!

(rumbling)

Hulk: Forget them.

You, Jen, and Rick need to evacuate the town.

I'll take out the Green Hammer. Red?

Don't gotta tell me, greenie.

Abomination's scaly butt is mine.

Wait, where big head man?

We'll track down Leader after we save the town.

-(zapping) -(rumbling)

(all screaming)

Oh, it's the Hulks. They're back!

Mayor Stan: No, it's okay!

They're heroes, in every sense of the word.

Trust me.

-(rapid gunshots) -(all screaming)

Everyone get to your cars.

We'll hold them off. Go!

So, the townsfolk no longer fear those monsters.

Then let them perish with their heroes.

-(thuds) -(grunts)

Not this time, Blonsky.

I'm relieving you of your command.

-(thumping) -(grunting)

I taught you all I know,

but I didn't train you to fry civilians.

Collateral damage, General.

A small price to pay for victory.

(Red Hulk grunts)

Although,

clearly not all possess the will to do what is necessary.

(Red Hulk growls)

You are one cold-blooded lizard,

but I'm packing heat.

-(zapping) -(grunts)

About time my ride got here.

(grunts)

(clanks)

Hulk: You got parachutes?

Pilot 1: Yeah, why?

(whooshes)

(tense music)

(people clamoring)

(horn honks)

All aboard. Tour bus is leaving.

Next stop, anywhere but here.

No, don't take that.

Deactivate Green Hammer.

-(explodes) -(screams)

(Abomination laughs) Fool, I warned you.

Booby-trapped controls.

Exactly what I would have done.

(heroic music)

Hulk: That town is my home.

Not gonna let you destroy it.

(zapping)

A-Bomb: I got Hulkbusters on my tail.

Smashers, I need a roadblock, a spike strip, something.

She-Hulk: We're on it, Rick.

Skaar slash.

Hulkbuster 5: Target acquired. Prepare to exterminate.

Okay, that's never good.

(rapid gunshots)

(exploding)

Way to go, cuz.

-(grunting) -(explodes)

(groans)

(grunts)

(grunts)

Abomination: No!

-(thuds) -(scoffs)

You forgot the most important weapon a soldier needs.

Allies.

(thuds)

Abomination: Your allies can't save you now.

(screams)

(thumping)

(screams)

-(grunts) -(rumbles)

(exploding)

Well, General,

think that finished him off?

Not a chance.

(crowd cheering)

Now this is a homecoming.

Hulk,

I never lost faith in you.

If you say a little green guy with a big head

tricked you into wrecking this town,

then I, for one, believe you.

Thanks, Mayor.

But you need to stay and face your accusers.

After all, this is your home.

Yeah, it is.

A-Bomb: You need to see this, big guy.

Somebody jacked the weapons vault.

She-Hulk: What?

Hulk: Every gamma gun and bomb we had is missing.

But how?

Surprise!

(laughing)

(zaps)

Back to base, now!

(bird screeches)

All my beautiful toys,

gone.

All your weapons of last resort in Leader's hands

will make the Green Hammer look like a pop gun.

I'll go after Leader.

The rest of you need to stay and deal with this.

A-Bomb: No way.

We're a team.

Hulk: Think about it.

You'll be fugitives, hunted by the military,

with no place to call home.

About time I walked a mile in your big, ugly, bare feet.

Skaar with Hulk, always.

We're family. We stick together.

(sighs)

Big dummies.

(scoffs)

Thanks.

(vehicles approaching)

soldier 1: Hulk, and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H.,

you are under arrest.

Surrender immediately.

(whirring)

(whooshes)

A-Bomb: So long, Vista Verde.

See you soon,

we hope.

Sure, home is wherever family is,

I know that,

but it can also be a quiet little town in the desert.

Hulk out.

(closing theme music)