Original subtitles

(warbling)

(clamoring)

Toad men! I hate toad men!

(grunts) I hear ya, Hulk.

There's too many for even me ta clobber!

You're just gettin' old, Thing!

There's never enough to smash!

(croaking)

Hey!

Ya ugly toad! Try that again!

(grunts)

Argh!

Hope I don't get warts!

Slash!

A-Bomb: Comin' through, froggies!

Hey, hey, hey!

Sue Storm: Stay still, A-Bomb.

The toads are known to overwhelm planets with their sheer numbers

and right now it's working!

Anybody care for fried frog legs?

Courtesy of the Human Torch.

Sue! Any word from Reed or She-Hulk?

Reed's trying to figure out a way to stop that!

Oh, yeah? Well we can give it our best shot first.

It ain't working, Green! We can't even pierce its shields.

If we can't stop 'em, the earth will be overrun!

She-Hulk: Anyone call for some back-up?

Hulk! I think I have a solution against the tribbitites!

This hyper-cannon is designed to launch a projectile

12 times the speed of sound.

Theoretically, it will pierce the shields, but we'll need...

A Hulk bullet. I get it, Stretch.

Fire me. I'll take out the ship from inside the shields.

Hulk, you can't. You'll never survive!

You wanted the world to know we're heroes.

Heroes make sacrifices.

Hulk: I'm locked and loaded, Jen.

Ready to fire.

This just in!

The Fantastic Four is attempting to stop the alien toad men,

with the help of the monster known as the Hulk!

But for all we know, that awful green goliath

is in cahoots with these amphibious invaders!

She-Hulk: Fire away!

(groaning)

Permission to come aboard.

Reed, the ship's empty! Must be remote-piloted!

There's a huge teleporter here,

beamin' the toads across space, then down to earth.

Must be a waypoint station.

If you shut it down, Hulk, they should beam home.

But whatever you do, don't smash it!

(grunting)

Uh, did you say, don't smash it?

-(all gasp) -She-Hulk: Hulk!

(theme music)

Skaar: Hulk not moving!

She-Hulk: Hulk! No!

Please be alive, please be alive.

Nothing could survive a quantum blast of that magnitude.

Don't you leave us now, boss.

(stammering) Wake up, Hulk!

(roars)

(groans)

Don't scare me like that!

You truly are incredible, Hulk.

(sobbing) I'm losing it, Red.

That's better.

(crowd cheers) Hulk! Hulk! Hulk!

(applause)

Hulk strongest one there is!

Yes, it's true. I was wr...

Uh, misled by the facts.

Apparently, the Hulk saved us and is...

A hero. (clears throat)

Yes, I said hero! You heard me correctly.

Wow. This isn't a dream, right?

We did it! The world finally sees you for what you are, Hulk.

A hero!

At last.

A-Bomb: Yo, big guy!

Hey! What're you doing down here? The mayor called!

Vista Verde's full of reporters and they wanna see you!

They're not scared anymore.

Not gonna last, Rick.

Do you hear this guy?

We've got more views online than ever!

New fans are watching our old webisodes to see how we've been heroes.

-(breathing heavily) -A-Bomb: Look!

(crowd cheering)

Thank you Captain America and this great country.

But seriously, me saving the world was nothing and...

-(Cap clears throat) -Um...

I mean, the Hulk sends his humble gratitude.

-(BELL RINGING) -director: Cut! That's a wrap!

(Cell phone ringing)

Hulk: Heya, Jen! What's up?

How are things going on the set?

Thanks for getting me this part in your new action movie, Hulk.

Finally, I'm getting to play me!

But I gotta to tell you, the actor playing you?

She-Hulk: Kinda wack.

(chuckles) Welcome back to Hollywood, honey.

(panting)

(crowd cheering)

Filling in for the incredible Hulk

in our wrestling championship,

is the almost-as-incredible, Skaar!

Now remember, kid, this is for charity. It's all fake fightin'.

I don't wanna have to hurt ya!

(grunts) I said it was fake!

Wrestling not fake!

Fighting place remind Skaar of home.

Can't remember why.

Ha! Maybe that'll jar yer memory!

So, um, if you're gonna stay down here,

do you mind if I have your tickets to the Dazzler concert?

-She's a hottie! I mean... -You go, Rick.

But you know we haven't changed.

(chuckles) Except people love us!

I'll bring ya a Dazzler t-shirt! Thanks, bud!

I hope they have triple, triple, extra-large.

Rick's show did what he wanted it to, made us heroes.

Seems like the team's all doing their own thing now.

Maybe it's time we went our separate ways.

Can we turn the camera off now?

Hulk: Look at this mess. Somebody needs to clean their room.

You finally did it. You became a hero.

Wasn't just me. It's called teamwork.

Something you wouldn't know about.

Oh, really? Well, you received your deepest wish,

you're all heroes now.

How poignant!

Perhaps I'll get my deepest wish, to destroy you.

Yeah. Good luck doing that from in there, big head.

(scoffs) I've been free for hours,

-you idiotic ape. -Huh?

Your newfound fame was the perfect distraction.

(grunting)

-Impossible! -Don't worry.

I left you a going-away gift.

Five gifts, actually.

Five gamma bombs

which will destroy Vista Verde in exactly 13 minutes.

The Leader: Even one of them alone

has enough power to level the entire town.

-If I were you... -(roars)

I'd hurry.

I was on set, what's the emergency?

Hulk: The Leader escaped!

Stop pullin' my big red leg.

Gets worse. He hid five gamma bombs in town.

We gotta find them!

Jones! You were supposed to keep an eye on mega-brain!

Uh, no way, it's Skaar's week!

Skaar thought She-Hulk's turn.

-Told ya, I was on set! -Well, who messed up?

-I'm not gonna do when it's not my turn. -Not Skaar!

That's why we have turns!

Hey! The town, those people are all that matters!

Well, what did your beloved mayor promise you?

Our incredible Hulks have finally arrived!

(CHEERING)

Everyone! Out of here, now! You have to move!

(crowd murmuring)

I said, get out!

man 1: He's gone crazy! Get out of here!

Hulk: If we move fast enough, we can get all the bombs.

Split up and search everywhere. And I mean everywhere!

(grunts)

Abomination.

Good to see you, old friend! I have a team now, too.

Red Hulk: The Absorbin' Man!

A-Bomb: Blastaar!

Skaar: Sauron!

She-Hulk: Titania!

You can call us... The Agents of C.R.A.S.H.

Catchy, no?

You helped The Leader plant the gamma bombs.

Nah. We're just here to make sure they go off.

Enough with the small talk.

Let's show 'em why we're called the Crashers.

Smash 'em. (roars)

(all grunting)

(crowd clamoring)

Breaking news! Well, it didn't take long.

The Hulks are showing their true colors

and attacking the town of Vista Verde!

You're gonna tell me where the gamma bombs are.

Will it be the easy way or the hard way?

-(crowd screaming) - He's raging again!

-(grunts) - Run!

(groaning)

Skaar hate lizard-bird-man-thing!

Lasers, eh? Lemme get a closer look at yer cannon!

(groaning)

(laughing)

-Hey! You're welcome! -(clamoring)

This will shut you up for a while, you crazy witch!

You're the one who's crazy!

What are you talking about?

(groans)

So where's the bomb, Blastaar?

Or are you planning to blow yourselves up too?

We have the ultimate protection against the bomb.

(screaming)

(grunts) My turn.

(A-Bomb grunts)

A-Bomb: A-Bomb's away!

We got it under control, people!

Just move in an orderly fashion to the exits...

-woman 1: He's crazy, run! -...of the town.

What was that? Huh?

Okay, something screwy's goin' on around here.

I mean, you can see him, can't you?

Hold on, lemme adjust the gamma.

(grunting)

Oh, no!

(grunts)

See these gamma cloaking belts, Hulk?

Courtesy of The Leader.

Only gamma-fied types like you can see us.

To the rest of the world, we're as invisible as ghosts.

Shoulda made yourselves invisible to us, too!

Nah, fighting you is all part of the plan.

(growling)

Hulk: What plan?

People in this town love you.

We're makin' 'em pay for that mistake.

(grunting)

(roars)

(grunting) You were once a general.

How's it feel to be Hulk's errand boy?

Ah, zip it! Red Hulk ain't no one's number two!

Sauron: You wanted Hulk to be a hero.

But he will always be a beast!

One of us! One of us!

(Sauron laughs)

Let me introduce you to a personal friend of mine!

Sauron, meet the wall.

-(groaning) -Wall, meet Sauron.

And you, Hulk's pet!

You don't belong here.

Your world is across time and space!

Skaar can't remember home!

Argh!

(explosion)

-You think you're special? -(grunting)

You're animal control, honey. Just taxiing around with monsters!

You used to have a life!

You don't know me.

So shut your cakehole, you evil...

(ROARING)

Mayor! The bombs could go off at any second!

Hulk: Get those people further away from here!

Sorry, Hulk, I can't hear you. There's no signal!

We're getting multiple reports out of Vista Verde

that the Hulks have gone berserk!

We've all worked so hard to make the world love you.

And now, our poor little town...

What are you doing, Hulk?

Nice try, gizmo's made outta pure adamantium.

Leader planned every detail while you had him locked up.

He didn't plan for this!

(grunts) Don't let 'em get to you, Hulks!

You know who you are!

You're the Agents of S.M.A.S.H!

Consider yourself crashed.

The bombs! Must be only seconds left!

(Helicopter whirring)

A-Bomb: Ah, Hulk? I think we're surrounded.

pilot: Hulks! Stand down now or we will open fire!

I'm still a general, soldier,

and I order you to stand down!

We have the situation under control!

They were the ones that did it! The Crashers!

The only visual we have is you five wrecking the town!

Look! See?

They can't see 'em!

We got no time to argue. Find the bombs!

Red Hulk: They gotta be close by!

(grunting)

So, where are they?

-Maybe they're deep underground? -Hold up.

This isn't a bomb. What is this?

There are no bombs?

Of course there were. Isn't it obvious?

You are the five gamma bombs that destroyed Vista Verde.

No. You did this.

You tricked us into destroying the town.

And you five fell for it like that!

The Leader: This will be your legacy, Hulk.

The destruction of your beloved town.

Now and forever!

man 2: Look what he did to the town!

-man 3: How could they do this? -woman 2: They went crazy!

We can't trust 'em.

I knew there was something fishy!

The Hulk and his Agents of S.M.A.S.H. are not heroes,

they're monsters!

Who else but monsters would destroy the only town that ever loved them?

Hold up, wait, I have the real footage of what happened!

It was the Crashers! They were invisible...

We saw what happened! You did this.

We won't fight back. Just don't hurt us!

We're not monsters. I have the footage!

Are you gonna believe some Hulk-kid with a webcam?

I just saw a talking raccoon in a movie.

They can make anything look real!

It's all computers and camera tricks!

Don't believe the monsters!

pilot 2: Surrender, Hulks, now!

I hate to say it, but we need to run.

Hulk: We were impulsive! We acted like amateurs!

-Arguing is pointless. -Shut it, Skaar!

-Skaar: It all Red's fault! -I wasn't even supposed to be here today!

All right, all right!

We were all tired of being monsters.

We wanted to be heroes for a change.

But now, that's over with. We're back to being beasts!

What do you think, Hulk?

(sighs) I knew the hero thing wouldn't work. You know why?

Because we are monsters. Plain and simple.

What are you talking about?

What's scarier than one Hulk? Five Hulks.

Long as we're together, we're gonna smash, destroy.

So for the good of the town, I'm breaking up the team.

You can't do that, Hulk!

I don't believe it!

Some leader!

I knew he didn't have the stomach for it!

We're family, all of us! We're all we have left.

Skaar need family! Skaar have no home.

Sorry. Made my decision.

But Hulk...

Alone, we're destructive, but together, we could wipe out the planet.

-(rumbling) -Red Hulk: Oh, great! What now!

Earthquake?

No way! We put in those new stabilizers!

Red Skull: The Leader's still here?

Hulk: It was a diversion!

He wanted us out of the base!

Finally, you catch on.

I'd compliment you,

if you weren't two steps behind my genius, as always.

Now, of course, I could have escaped far earlier,

but I chose to wait until you achieved hero status,

to ensure your failure was spectacular.

Step away from the gamma reactor, big head!

The Leader: Gladly, but it's too late.

I've already set the device to go to critical mass.

I'm using all of its energy for this!

A wormhole to another galaxy,

built from scraps cobbled together in mere hours.

Brilliant, is it not?

Unfortunately, the residual gamma power will wipe out

what's left of Vista Verde, and half the state.

Of course, I'll be halfway across the cosmos while you take the blame!

Unless you care to follow me.

(groaning) No!

The reactor's gonna explode!

I'll handle this. The rest of you, get out. Now!

-Not this time. -We won't leave you, Hulk!

I said get out! Right now!

Earth needs you! More than it needs me.

Red Hulk: Don't do it Greenie!

(straining)

Too much radiation.

(grunts) Can't do it.

You can with us!

Red Hulk: Not letting ya hog all the glory this time!

Skaar never leave Hulk again!

Let's do this, before the wormhole shuts down!

Ah!

(all scream)

(all groaning)

(sighs)

What happened? Where are we?

(sniffing)

Skaar...

Skaar know this smell.

What are we wearing? Armor?

This is freaking me out, dudes!

All right, take it easy, I'll have us outta here in no time.

Man, what are these walls made out of?

Okay, what are these?

Won't... (groans)

Come off. Ow!

Painful little sucker!

(whirring)

(cheering)

Uh, that ain't our sky.

That wormhole must have spit us out on an alien world.

Ya think? How we supposed to get back home?

Home.

Skaar know this place. Skaar home!

No wonder you don't remember it.

Subjects of Sakaar!

Bow your head, for the emperor of the world has at last returned!

I give you your king, The Leader!

-(crowd cheering) -(gasps)

It can't be!

Our great and powerful liege has not come home empty-handed!

He has brought us a gift!

The Hulk and his Agents of S.M.A.S.H.,

who will fight for their lives

in the grand arena of Sakaar!

(crowd cheering)

(closing theme music)