Original subtitles

(yawning)

(buzzing)

Oh, what a month.

Been fighting abomination, skrulls, and...

Blastaar, was it?

Whatever. No more fighting.

I need sleep or else I get cranky.

And you wouldn't like me when I'm cranky.

(toilet flushes)

Lights make flush.

(chuckles) Poo poo on, poo poo off.

-(chuckling) -(toilet flushes)

Skaar: Hello, Hulk.

(Skaar laughing)

Red Hulk: Will you knock it off!

-Red Hulk: Let go of that switch! -Skaar: You let go Skaar!

(thwacking, grunting)

(fart sounds)

There's only one dummy dumb enough to do something like this.

Oh! I'm insulted.

Sure, the sound effects are hilarious.

But I didn't do it. We clear?

I. Didn't. Do it.

Here's how I did it.

Plugged the electro jokebox 2000

into the gamma base mainframe...

It programs wacky sound effects into all our gadgets.

(fart sounds)

(laughing)

Can you believe this thing was banned in 22 countries

for being too annoying? Oh, no.

(fart sounds)

Hulk, just tell A-Bomb to undo the sound effects. Now.

Me? I'm innocent! (stifled laugh)

(sighs) You wanna fight, fine.

I'm gonna go take a nap.

Don't. Wake. Me. Up.

Better shed some burp on that! (chuckles)

(burping sounds)

Red Hulk: That's red in your eye, you punk.

(glass shattering)

(calm music) At long-last.

Nap time.

-(explosion) -(roars)

(Hulks clamoring)

That's it!

Sometimes I just want to get some rest!

-Is that too much to ask? -Automated voice: Device located.

(grunts)

Announcer: The electro jokebox 2001, upgrade now!

Hulk: Upgrade this!

Oh! We found it.

That's... How did that get in here?

-Red Hulk: I'll show ya how! -She-Hulk: I'll say!

Hulk: I'm out of here.

Skaar pile!

Well, auto-pilot on for a trip around the world,

then a landing back at base.

(yawns) Peace and quiet at last.

Hmm...

(beeps)

(grunts) Ah, what now?

(screaming)

(theme music)

(groans) Ow, does my head hurt.

Where am I?

Stupid camera. Get outta here!

Well, looks tropical.

That's not so bad.

Something familiar about this place.

(roaring)

-(Hulk straining) -(thwacking)

(roaring)

Ugh! Let's see you try to eat

after I knock out all your teeth!

(roaring)

Hulk: Not your garden-variety monster.

Which means I got a bad feeling of where I might be.

(monster roaring)

(tense music)

Only one place on earth like this.

Yep. Monster island.

Any time a big monster rampages in a city like New York or Tokyo,

They catch it and dump it here.

So the place is stuffed with experiments, mutations, aliens...

And now me.

Hmm?

Piece of the jump jet.

Must be spread out all over the island.

Bingo! My homing beacon.

(beeping)

Skaar: Skaar don't understand. Why hulk leave so mad?

It's not my fault!

It's always your fault.

Doesn't matter whose fault it is.

The important thing is that I get to beat A-Bomb to a pulp!

Agh! Uh...

-What make chirpy noise? -(chirping)

We got a cricket.

(A-Bomb grunts)

Can't stand that noise they make.

And then they hop into your room on their disgusting little insect legs

While you're sleeping, and then... (gasps)

-(chirping) -Red Hulk: Oh, you...

We should call the Hulk.

We don't need Greenie to catch a stupid cricket!

Think how mad he'll be if we bug him about a bug.

We are the agents of S.M.A.S.H.!

We can find one lousy cricket.

I've got officer training.

So I'm gonna lead this exterminatin' mission.

Forget it. I'm Hulk's cousin.

He's not here, so that makes me in command.

I'm his best friend.

Obviously, he'd make "the A-Bomb" leader.

Red Hulk: You couldn't lead your way out of a paper bag!

A-bomb: Paper bag? What's that even mean?

-Red Hulk: Shut up! -She-Hulk: You shut it!

What did you...

A-bomb: Ow! Why are you hitting me?

Hulk: Hey, that looks like a nest!

Could make a real hulk-sized omelet with those.

(rumbling)

Uh-oh. Here comes momma.

(growling)

That's not the momma!

Give me that!

(roars)

(Hulk yelling)

(growls)

And don't come back!

(cracking)

Huh?

(baby monsters cooing)

Look at that. Little monsters.

Oh, great. Critters like me.

Okay, get off. Get off! Get off! That's enough.

(little monsters cooing)

Hulk: And be quiet.

I'm sure your momma will be back soon.

(grunting)

(sighs)

Yeah, they'll be okay.

(little monsters squawking)

(groaning) This is worse than home.

It's coming from over here.

She-Hulk: Ow! (groans)

(She-Hulk groans) Wasn't in there.

This is hopeless. I'm calling Hulk.

Gamma base to big green. You copy?

Red Hulk: He must've turned off his comm.

A-bomb: Then we're on our own.

All: Ow!

We got each other, dummy.

Think. If he was here, what would hulk do?

Skaar know what Hulk do! Smash!

(explosion)

Kid's got a point.

(squawking)

No sign of momma.

She's gotta be around here somewhere.

(squawking)

(sighs) will you li'l monsters knock it off? I'm trying to...

Whoa. Look who's growing up. Fast.

Huh. You four almost remind me of... Nah.

Must be my imagination.

(purring)

(exhales sharply)

Okay, that's cute. Let's go.

(stomachs gurgling)

(cries)

Aw, crackers. Now what?

You're not gonna puke, are ya?

I can't believe I have to do this...

(belches)

Aah!

Little squirt!

Stop fighting right now. Right now!

(whooshing)

Hey, somebody got my distress call.

(screeching)

Hulk: Maybe not.

You must be a survivor

of the ship I blasted from the sky.

Yeah.

You must be the jerk I was gonna punch for doing that.

Earthling, I have hunted every great creature in this galaxy.

Now step away from my prey.

That's not gonna happen.

Then you too shall be a prize...

For Arkon the hunter!

-(crackling) -(screaming)

(growls)

Arkon: Submit, beast!

I gotta get you away from this creep.

Come on.

Ah, the thrill of the chase!

Aah! (groans)

Go. Get out of here. And stick together!

Arkon: Well, come on then!

(thwacking)

Come out, beast!

Let the hunt begin!

Good job, gang.

You actually did it. You stuck together.

(cricket chirping)

Well, cricket's not in that wall.

Hulk? Come home! Come home now!

Aah!

Hulk's MIA. And he ain't showin' up any time soon to save ya, soldier!

Hey, hey, hey. Easy, buddy.

If Hulk were here, he'd want us to work as a team.

That's what I been saying!

He'd tell us to stick together.

Two things I picked up in the military.

Number one, Greenie's right.

Troops gotta work together toward a common goal.

And number two?

Sometimes those troops just gotta blow stuff up!

Red Hulk: Lock and load, smashers!

(action music)

(cricket chirping)

Red Hulk: Cricket! 2 o'clock high!

A-bomb: Watch it! Cricket behind you!

Cricket incoming!

(cricket chirping)

Hulk: Okay, little guys.

We get up top here,

send a stronger signal from my homing beacon.

Knock it off back there.

With any luck, my team will get here soon

to help me smash Arkon.

(both chittering)

Hulk: Of course with my luck, no one's coming.

No, I shouldn't say that about them.

My team's reliable. You'd like 'em.

(chittering)

Trapping you tiny beasts is no challenge.

Now, where's your green guardian?

Right here!

(thwacks)

Lookin' for a challenge, huh?

Well, ya got one now.

You are a strong one, beast-man.

Strongest one there is.

Now you leave em' alone!

(groans)

(Arkon screams)

Where ya goin', tough guy?

(wings flapping)

Had enough?

(creature screeches)

Arkon: It's not over yet.

-Arkon! You bring em' back! -(Arkon laughs)

I'll get you!

Ugh! (screaming)

Done.

Showed that cricket no one messes with the agents of S.M.A.S.H.

Huh? (chuckles)

(cricket chirping)

(all groan)

Why?

(Hulk roars)

Hold on, little guys. I'll get you outta there.

(groans)

(coughing)

I wasn't interested in pursuing you.

But as you continued to defy me,

I became intrigued, Hulk.

Yes, I learned everything about you.

About the recording devices chronicling your "heroic" life.

I believe you are the greatest prey I've ever hunted.

(chittering)

Just let the little monsters go.

You thought I was trying to destroy them?

Can't you see I merely used them to lure you in?

You, hulk, may not be the smartest of beasts,

but your head will look magnificent on my wall.

-Skaar got cricket! -Give me that thing!

I wanna smash it!

Okay, okay. Skaar open hand.

She-Hulk: That's a peanut.

You doofus!

(clanging)

Well, cricket's not in the ac.

Ah, can't you see this bug has turned us against each other?

We can't let a cricket get to us.

(cricket chirping)

(grunting)

Cricket! Cricket!

(whooshes)

(straining)

A waste of effort.

The restraints are indestructible.

Accept your fate.

You cannot prevent the destiny I have in store for these creatures.

(chittering)

(creature roars)

(laughing)

That's why the momma didn't come back.

You had her locked up.

This species, "the goom," will be invaluable to me.

They belong with their mother!

Oh, they'll be with her.

And I shall be the father,

who trains them all as my hunting beasts.

(straining)

(roars)

Impressive.

Time for some new sport.

My encounter with you, Hulk,

has inspired me to choose a new quarry.

"Heroes," I believe you call them.

And you will be my first trophy.

(chittering)

(roaring)

(crackling)

Hulk: I don't want to hurt you!

Calm down, mama.

-(crackles) -(screaming)

Fire, ice, and acid breath? Seriously?

Imagine a pack of these monsters at my command.

I'll hunt every hero on earth to extinction.

Our "family" will be unstoppable.

Family...

I'm right here, momma. Let 'er rip!

(crackling)

(laughing)

Yes, mother. Destroy!

(grunting)

Yeah. Meet your kids, momma.

They're loud. They fight. And they're trouble.

But they're family. You gotta look after them.

No!

Attack! Finish him!

No way!

Arkon: I've studied you, Hulk.

I know your strengths and your weaknesses.

Good luck!

Hulk: Is that all you got?

(Arkon laughs)

(roars)

Impossible!

You were right, Arkon.

My family of monsters is unstoppable!

That can't be good.

Okay, everybody out!

Hulk: This way!

Come on, momma. Get out of here.

(explosion)

Just my luck.

Ugh! Hey! You stuck together.

Just like I told ya.

Ow! Hey, watch the teeth.

Hulk: Well, well. Look who survived the crash.

A shame about your ship blowing up.

But I gotta admit. That was fun.

Arkon: My hunt has only begun, earthling!

I'll chase you to ends of the...

My lightning bolts?

Without them, I'm...

The hunter is now the hunted.

(creatures roar)

It's Arkon season, boys.

Of course, I'm stuck here, too.

Maybe there's something from this ship I can use to get home.

Hey! This ain't from Arkon's ship.

It's what's left of my jump jet!

If there's a mini-fighter left in one piece...

I got a way home!

Skaar has no threes. Go fish.

She-Hulk: Hey, guys. Look who's back.

-A-Bomb: What's up? -Red Hulk: Oh, hey, Green.

-Skaar: Hi. -Seriously? You guys are getting along?

(cricket chirping)

Huh. Sounds like you got a cricket.

Why didn't anybody answer my distress call?

Red Hulk: What distress call?

(chirping continues)

My emergency beacon. It's been on for hours.

And why does it sound like a cricket?

Uh, gosh. I thought he broke this thing.

automated voice: Emergency distress call from the Hulk.

Repeat. Emergency distress call from the Hulk.

(chuckles) Oh, that's weird.

So the electro jokebox made the cricket sounds.

That's... That was funny, right?

And, Hulk, you made it home, so...

No... I mean, we didn't, like, ruin the base or anything...

(all growl)

Hey, who's up for pizza?

You're not mad?

Ain't they something?

Left a camera on monster island.

Just to keep tabs on the kids.

Family is family.

Don't ever take them for granted.

Even if they drive you...

-(cricket chirping) - Huh? Oh.

Red's room is down the hall.

Have fun.

(closing theme music)