Original subtitles

Yo, Hulkees, we're 10,000 feet above Iceland.

Some kind of dimensional breach opening down there,

and it's up to team green to check it out.

Well, for once, it'd be nice to travel for fun instead of work.

Smashing not work, smashing fun!

The target is directly ahead!

Keep your eyes peeled for anything out of the ordinary.

-(beeping) -Hulk: Got something.

-(roaring) -(clanging)

Thor: Warriors three, attack!

(grunting)

(grunts)

Yeah, that's not ordinary. Unless you work at the renaissance fair.

So let's play some Greensleeves.

Reinforcements!

Ah, this must be the Avengers they told us about.

Even better, Fandral, things are about to get good and smashed!

She-Hulk: Hulks away!

(grunting)

(thuds)

Never bring a sword to a slugfest.

Hey, uh, Thor?

She-Hulk: These don't look like your usual frost giants.

(both grunting)

They're dark elves, fair one.

With no realm of their own, they seek to conquer and claim a world.

This world Skaar's home!

(roaring)

By Odin's beard,

Thor spoke with only one green giant.

Giants? More like ogres, Volstagg.

Thor: He approaches.

(grunts)

'Tis Malekith! The accursed king of the dark elves.

Your day is over. Now comes the darkness.

(crackling)

-Long live the night! -(wind howling)

(laughing)

-A-Bomb: I can't see a thing. -Can't see the elves.

But at least they can't see us, either.

(roaring)

Unless they can see in the dark.

(theme music)

Malekith: My brothers! Send them to oblivion!

(growling)

Go back to back. Cover each other!

(electricity crackling)

My hammer is useless! Malekith's sorcery is powerful indeed.

(growls)

Skaar slash!

Now, that is a kindRed warrior!

-Such fighting spirit. -Aye!

He's just a berserking savage. (grunts)

(screaming)

-(grunts) -(energy charging)

-Yah! -(zaps)

Get thee back, villain!

-(grunts) -(groans)

Get back in your hole, creep!

(lightning crackling)

Thor: We were fortunate that Malekith was weakened.

If that's weak, I'd hate to see the creep on a good day.

-The battle is won! Ha-ha! -(cheering)

-Whoa, whoa, whoa! Skaar! Heel! Heel! -(Skaar laughing)

Skaar's warrior way seems out of place in the world of mortals.

He fits in fine.

"Fits in fine?" Yeah! Uh, no.

(roars) Skaar flush! Skaar flush!

Skaar smash poo-poo down! (farts)

Okay. All right, it's not all smooth sailing.

Skaar, in gratitude for your courage,

I invite you and your comrades

to visit our home of Asgard to celebrate this victory!

Road trip to Asgard? Oh, yeah!

I've been. It's overrated.

Well, we've never been.

Go on, Goldilocks. Asgardeth us, or whatever.

You will enjoy our home. Heimdall!

Open the bridge!

(heroic music)

(laughing)

Thor: That is heimdall.

All-hearing, all-seeing guardian of our realm.

A-bomb: What's the good word, my brother?

Hail, Odinson.

A-bomb: Whoa! Don't want to mess with the guy

who swings that pigsticker around.

Cool. Sword big!

No one wields the Odinsword. It's forbidden to touch.

(clamoring)

-Volstagg: There's a fine piece! -(clangs)

(chomping)

Fandral: Don't be shy, Skaar.

Hmm. (chomping)

Whatever you do, Jen, try not to punch Fandral.

The little skinny guy?

Why would I want to punch Fandral?

Well, hello, tall green--

-(grunts) -(thuds)

(glass shatters)

Sorry. He made it so easy.

Hmm. Still hungry.

Oh, bok-bok meat.

Skaar like!

-(clangs) -Hogun: Ah! Too slow, ogre.

-Hey! Knife! To Skaar... -Get back!

-(Hogun grunting) -Thor: Do not mind Heimdall.

-He is unaccustomed to outsiders. -Yeah.

I'm watchin' you too, buddy.

(straining and grunting)

Mine! (giggles)

Ogre win!

(both laughing)

I dare to say Skaar's found his place!

It's as if he's an Asgardian born!

Few outsiders are ever invited to Asgard.

-And even fewer are invited to stay. -Huh?

Skaar, I want you to remain here as one of the realm's elite guards.

Huh?

Skaar like here. And here like Skaar.

Skaar stay!

Skaar lost his memories of where he came from.

So, maybe Asgard is like his old home.

Everything that makes Skaar an outsider on earth makes him fit in here.

It's just he's-- He's family.

(sighs)

I guess it is time Skaar left the nest.

He'll be happy here. But, uh, before we leave...

I need to know more about what Malekith was after on earth.

His dark elf minions have menaced Asgard as well.

Heimdall may have seen something that will help us.

Come. Let us go speak with him.

-Skaar go too. -No, Skaar.

My father Odin and his army on a mission of peace,

all guardians are needed here.

I have an important mission for you.

You will protect our jail, Skaar.

No one but you may come in or out.

There is but one prisoner, but he is a dangerous one.

-Whatever you do, you mustn't listen-- -(woman screaming)

Ah, Bilgesnipes on the loose again.

-Guard well, brave Skaar of Asgard. -(hammer whirring)

Man: Hello?

-You there! -Hmm?

Yes, you!

-Hello? -This way.

You're almost there.

Ah! A new guard.

I don't know you, but you must know who I am.

No matter. If Thor chose you, you must be a brave, strong warrior.

Of course, he doesn't trust you yet with the important jobs, sir.

Uh, say, like wielding the Odinsword.

Mmm. Odinsword forbidden.

But not for the greatest warrior of all!

Of course, you may wield the sword.

Surely my brother told you.

Your brother Thor?

Clearly, Thor hopes that someday

you are brave enough to wield the Odinsword.

And there's one way to prove that you are brave, isn't there?

Heimdall: Ever since the elves destroyed their own world with a blight of darkness,

I have watched them from afar,

but their shadow magic shroud my vision.

Huh, so you can't see everything.

Any idea what Malekith wants with Earth?

The dark elf king scours the nine realms, for dark energy to power his spells.

To conquer new worlds with.

The Earth incursion is only the beginning.

-(groans) -Thor: What is it?

-The sword! Move! -Heimdall!

(grunts)

(grunting)

(portal crackles)

(Skaar grunts)

(grunting)

What happened? Skaar?

A-Bomb: Oh, no!

You pulled the "Don't pull this sword" sword, didn't you?

(growling)

-Get him out of those shackles. -I'll handle this.

If he'd succeeded in pulling the Odinsword,

-Ragnarok would be upon us. -The world still stands, Heimdall.

Can we not look past this mistake?

Can you not see the dark energy he released?

There's no telling how he's endangered Asgard.

He knew the sword was forbidden.

As prince of Asgard, you are sworn to fulfill your duty.

Thor, what is he talking about?

I am sorry, my friends, but I must enforce the will of my father.

For breaking Odin's law,

Skaar must be imprisoned for 10,000 years.

Ten thousand years?

So, you weren't the greatest warrior, after all?

(roaring)

-(electricity crackling) -(groaning)

-(thuds) -(sizzling)

You know how innocent Skaar is.

He wouldn't do something like this unless someone put him up to it.

There was no one for him to talk to in the prison, except...

Loki.

Loki? As in "Trickster God" Loki, who tried to destroy the world?

Come on, Goldilocks. It's obvious!

Your brother tricked him into it!

Agreed. But without proof, there is nothing I can do.

Proof? We had a camera with Skaar the whole time!

I, Skaar, will steal the Odinsword and unleash Ragnarok!

Oh, dear. No you mustn't!

Once Asgard is destroyed,

I, Skaar, will bring Odinsword back to earth and rule forever!

By Odin, will no one stop him?

And no one will be able to stop Skaar!

And now I laugh. (laughing evilly)

Okay, that was not Skaar.

Loki must have hocus-pocused the footage.

Indeed.

When my father returns, I will speak on Skaar's behalf.

But Asgardian law is strict.

Perhaps in 500 years or so, he will be pardoned.

A-bomb: 500 years?

I can barely wait five minutes to get my burrito out of the microwave!

I'll have heimdall open a portal so you may return to earth.

We're not leaving without Skaar.

Don't do it, old friend.

(growling)

-(Hulk roars) -(smashing)

(grunting)

-(electricity crackles) -(groans)

Who's the puny god now?

(footsteps approaching)

Now's our chance! Get Skaar!

Oh! It seems the agents of S.M.A.S.H. have declared war on Asgard!

I don't want to hurt you, Red Giant.

-Ah, pipe down! -(zaps)

Knave, you fight like you eat! Slow and faint-hearted.

Are you trash-talking my mad eating skills?

I'd rather not hit a lady. (kissing)

Please.

Too bad the lady doesn't feel the same.

-(She-Hulk grunts) -(Fandral groans)

Mighty heroes smashing each other senseless because of your stupidity.

-(banging) -How you must feel.

Not even you can overcome the power of Mjolnir.

I don't need to overcome it, I just need to use it.

(clangs)

Hulks, we got what we came for.

I cannot let you leave!

(clanging and exploding)

-Look there! -By Odin's beard!

(growling)

Malekith.

The dark elves march on Asgard.

Who invited the pointy ears?

Your comrade, when he pulled the Odinsword and released dark energy...

This battle will have to wait. Warriors three, to the walls!

-We have to help. -Help?

After what Thor did to Skaar?

Thor not bad. Malekith bad.

Skaar not bad. Skaar help!

Thor and his pals may have locked Skaar up,

but he still wants to do the right thing.

Help them. Just like an agent of S.M.A.S.H.

Hulk: Let's go clobber some elves!

Hold up, wait! Come on!

I got to keep an eye on you know who.

Thought you could use some help.

Better to fight with you than against you.

(growling and snarling)

If Malekith seizes Asgard, all the nine realms may fall.

Pair off. Fight together. The invaders must not take the wall!

Red Hulk: You heard goldilocks! Move!

Fire!

Hulks, heads up!

Fools!

By Hela herself!

Malekith has absorbed the dark energy from afar!

Yeah? Well, he can absorb this, too!

Malekith: Brothers! We have wandered the nine realms for too long.

Dark energy has led us to our new home.

We will build on the ashes of Asgard!

The age of the dark elves begins now!

The walls are breached!

Leave no one standing!

Malekith: Trickster.

Loki: Your highness.

You can see from the dark energy unleashed,

I've held up my end of our bargain.

When can I expect to be freed?

Once Asgard is mine.

At last, my people will have a place to call their own.

Yes, well, try to take better care of this world than your last one.

(shouting)

We must hold, Hulk!

I hear you!

Sorry about punching you before, but I'm protective of Skaar.

Save your breath.

Skaar's a fool! Just as empty-headed as you are.

I'm trying to apologize, you blond-haired jerk!

-You did that on purpose. -What can I say?

I like you when you're angry.

Guess your ability to see everything is pretty handy!

As is your ability to smash everything you see.

Thanks.

Now let's smash these toymakers back to santy's workshop!

Come on, bro-heim! I'll save you some!

Those infernal earthlings have delayed us!

Must I do everything? Get more dark energy!

Pull the Odinsword again, and Asgard will surely fall!

Malekith: Make for the palace!

Skaar! Hogun! Protect the Odinsword!

Fight hard, Skaar. If we fail, Asgard falls!

Skaar! Don't pull that sword!

(grunts) Skaar no pull, Skaar smash!

(grunting)

Red Hulk: Pull back inside the walls!

Skaar smash for Asgard!

What in blue blazes is that?

Looks like he was born to be here.

Yes! The Odinsword!

In time to replenish the last of my dark energy.

Skaar!

(grunts)

-(strains) -For Asgard!

-(grunting) -(lightning crackling)

(groaning)

(growls)

You wanted the sword, take it!

-(explodes) -(groans)

Hulk: Lights out, twinkle toes.

Retreat! We're beaten! Flee to the portal!

The battle is won. Asgard stands.

(laughing, cheering)

The blade that gave Malekith strength

was the only weapon with the power to vanquish him.

Bold move, Skaar!

-Heimdall: You're one of us, now. -Yay!

(crowd cheering)

This is what it's all about! Getting some recognition.

(whistling)

Hmph.

Call me!

Where's Skaar?

Ah, Skaar! What an adventure, eh?

I told you to pull the Odinsword, and look what happened!

You're a hero!

All because you listened to me-- Ah!

(panting) I'm the God of Mischief!

You know, the-- The Trickster?

-I was just having fun. -Hmm. Ah.

-(groaning) -(clanging)

-(thuds) -Skaar: Silly god.

Now, that's fun.

It wasn't that fun.

I think we all heard Loki confess to telling Skaar to pull the Odinsword.

That's another 10,000 years to Loki's sentence.

Skaar, I pardon you, and restore your status as an elite guard.

Welcome back, friend.

Skaar like Thor. Skaar like Asgard, but...

Skaar already got home. And job.

Skaar is agent of S.M.A.S.H!

Sometimes, you find yourself in a place you don't think you belong.

Until you look around, and see the people with you.

And then, you know it's exactly where you ought to be.

Hulk out.

(closing theme music)