Original subtitles

Red Hulk: I'm telling you, Greenie, it's firepower that makes the real hero.

Blasters! Rockets! Things that go boom!

Any clown knows that.

Hulk: Yeah, well, I know real heroes come from here.

A hero goes the distance on guts.

Not bullets or superpowers.

Red Hulk: Oh, yak, yak.

I'm sick of listening to you.

From now on, you stay on your half of the base,

and I'll stay on mine.

-(alarm blaring) -Huh?

(loud thudding)

-Huh? -(alarm blaring)

Sounds like you've got a bigger problem than your daily feud.

Oh, no, you don't, Greenie.

The door's on my half!

(booming)

Hulk: Oh, no.

(monster growls)

Don't know what Fin's doing here. But let's bounce him.

A-Bomb, you're with me.

Jen, you and Skaar take the far side.

Keep smashing until we knock 'em out!

(grunts)

-(smashes) -(groans)

Okay. Now I'm mad.

Red Hulk: Be right back, scaly.

(Skaar grunting)

Heads up, kiddies!

One Red's Rocket Surprise, comin' up!

Huh?

-(groans) -(explosion)

You nearly hit us!

Ah, you can take a little hit.

-Anyway, I got the job done. -(explosion)

Didn't I?

Ooh, interesting.

As a hero, Green Hulk relies on teamwork to succeed,

while Red Hulk puts his faith in weapons and reckless stunts!

And here I always thought a hero was defined by

awesome powers and a cool name. Oh, well. Down you go.

(chomps, gulps)

(all screaming)

Well, Hulkies, I guess that's it for our show!

See you next time!

(theme music)

-Ooh! -Argh!

Hulk: Ugh. Grab on!

Start kickin'!

You mean blastin'!

Whatever. Make pain!

-(grunting) -(gunshots)

(loud thudding)

(all grunting)

-(grunting continues) -Ooh! Ooh!

(muffled) Hulk: It's working!

Keep it up, smashers!

(Hulk grunting)

(vomiting)

-(all moaning) -Skaar all slimy.

Hoorah! I knew you'd find a clever way out.

Since when does Fin Fang Foom talk?

It's not Fin.

Hulk: Hear the shrill voice?

See the purple and green?

Avengers have a file on this pest.

That's right, Big Green!

I'm none other than that playful, powerful,

perky personality from the Planet Poppup...

The Impossible Man!

Impy: Like all members of the Poppupian race,

I can pop myself into whatever I want to be.

(trumpets)

I know! Cool, huh?

Guys like Impy are what we heroes call CPs.

- Cosmic pranksters. -(muffled noises)

- Crazy powers? - Mmm-hmm.

- Childish brains. - Hmm.

Only way to deal with 'em is outwit 'em.

Or try to ignore 'em. They hate that.

(Impy giggling playfully)

Impy: That was so much fun, I could do it all day.

So, what are we up to next, Hulky?

-Oh! -(loud thud)

Hello?

(sighs)

Don't they realize how special I am?

Could that be it?

Mmm. Hmm.

Hmm!

You know, I did that dragon bit to impress you.

I thought the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. would like to meet a true fan!

A fan who tried to destroy us!

Red Hulk: You ate us, for Pete's sake!

Oh, you get out of worse scrapes than that every week!

A-Bomb: Wait a minute!

You watch my webcast in your universe?

Never miss it! In fact, I'm here to join up!

Say hello to your newest teammate...

-(clucking) -...the Impossible Hulk!

Wha...

(growls)

(groans softly)

(growls)

Check out these guns.

Uh...

(gun firing)

(grunts)

(yelps)

Whoa, now.

(Impy imitates Hulk) Look how big my gun is.

(gunshot)

-Phew. -Impy: Oops!

You can't join!

-Why? -'Cause, uh...

Our official rules state

there can only be five Hulks.

Yeah, five Hulks.

Five?

And five is a crowd as it is.

Only five seats on the jump jet.

Only five bedrooms on the base.

Five Hulk cereal bowls.

(sighs)

Hulk: Yeah. I see you got your ship to take you home.

So you better get going. Bye-bye.

Aw, gee. I so wanted to be a big, heroic Hulk!

Impy: Oh, well. Rules are rules.

Unless...

I work some creative subtraction.

Oh, so you're gonna get rid of one of us now.

Why, I'd never hurt a Hulk.

I have an even better idea.

-Oh, no! -Oh, no!

-Oh, gross! -Hulk has two heads.

What did you do?

Teleported them. To the same space at the same time!

It's really rather simple, I--

Fix this.

Don't you see? Now we're a perfect five!

-Whoa, whoa, whoa! -Ahh!

Hulk: Red, hold still, will ya?

I feel like we're sharin' the same pants!

-Hulk: You look down lately? -Red Hulk: Impy! Fix us!

Skaar fix. Hold still.

No, Skaar.

(roars)

(grunts)

You gotta undo this!

You Earth people always say, "Two heads are better than one."

Therefore, a two-headed Hulk must be best of all!

(alarm blaring)

That sounds like a Hulk-level emergency.

Merged or not, we got a job to do.

(shrieking)

Attack, my brothers! So commands Sauron!

We will take the seas, my dino-troopers.

Destroy every ship in your path!

This will be the night

dinosaurs reclaim the world's oceans!

Ah, great. The Lizard Who Would Be King is making trouble again.

Not for long. I got beak-face in my sights.

Then it's hero time! Let's get our Saur-on.

A-Bomb, land the jet.

Skaar and combo-Hulk smash Sauron from behind.

She-Hulk? You're with me.

I'm what now?

-Hey, ho! -A-Bomb: Whoa, dude!

You know, it kinda hurts seeing the jet get trashed all the time.

Impossible Hulk, away!

Impy: I'm coming for you, Sauron!

Ah!

(groaning)

When I get my hands on that little pest...

-(alarm beeping) -Gotta keep Sauron's dinosaurs

from coming ashore.

-Land on the beach! -No! We got to pick him off

-from up here! -(grunting)

-Give me that! -I'm trying to fly here.

Red Hulk: Back off, Jones, I'll do it.

Get back, you overgrown water moccasins!

That's how it's done!

Red Hulk: Ha-ha! Got them on the run!

-Boo. -(shrieking)

-(growls) -Red, I think you missed one.

A-Bomb: Ah, get it off! Get it off!

I got him! (grunts)

Red Hulk: Just land this crate.

Sure, no problem!

A-Bomb: Hey! I did it!

Red Hulk: No, I did it.

Sauron's pet snakes are all turning tail.

Hulk: You got lucky.

"Lucky" is not in my vocabulary.

And that's how heroing is done, Jones!

We're not out of trouble, yet.

Who da Hulk, huh? I'm da Hulk! Ow!

Impy! Don't touch Sauron!

Why? He's harmless now.

Besides, if I remember my webisodes right,

all he does is boss around dinosaurs, and...

Impy: What was that other thing?

Impy, look out!

(screaming)

(growling)

Hey! What's happened to me?

He absorbs other hero's powers!

(screams)

(shudders) That was it!

Let's get over there.

Red Hulk: Okay, I'll lead, you follow.

Will you shut up and run?

I've never felt power like this before!

(Sauron laughs evilly) I like it!

Well, I don't!

-(thwacks) -(She-Hulk screaming)

Away from me, fool! Hah!

Jen!

(grunts)

-(groans) -Yeah, so Sauron absorbed my powers.

You mean, he can do everything you could?

Don't worry, it will wear off eventually.

You better be right, Zippy.

Sauron: So! The Agents of S.M.A.S.H.

And now, Hulks, I will see

to the extinction of mankind.

Sauron: Beginning with... you!

(laughs evilly)

Hmm.

(Sauron laughing evilly)

(shrieks)

Hulks, let's smash the stuffin' out of that big turkey!

(screeches)

Hulk: Hold still, will ya?

-Watch it! -(gunshots)

Oh, nice one, klutz.

(grunting)

(screaming)

(groans)

(groaning) Bumper cars bug Skaar.

Sauron: Fools!

(growling)

You must be at least this tall to bash the bad guy.

Come on, then.

Next stop, smashville, U.S.--

(grunts)

-(bells ring) -(sirens wail)

Uh, did I win?

Hulk: Hey, beaky!

(grunting)

Sauron: Ah, the ever-intrusive Hulk.

I see I'm not the only creature with a new look.

I wonder how you taste. (slurping)

-(snarls) -(Hulk grunts)

-Don't wrestle him, blast him. -Drop the blaster.

I need both hands.

-(thuds) -No!

Red Hulk: This is all your fault!

(growls)

Come out, Hulks! I hunger.

I already can't stand the sight of you.

Now you're everywhere I look.

Yeah, well, you're not exactly easy on my eyes.

Now, get up! The sooner we beat Sauron,

the sooner Impy can reverse us.

Fine. I'm sick of seeing your ugly face everywhere I look.

Listen, Red. The only chance we got

is to force Sauron to use up his powers.

-(Sauron shrieks) -Well, here's your chance.

-Red Hulk: You're in my way! -Hulk: I'm trying to punch him.

-Red Hulk: Move, will ya? -Red Hulk: I am trying!

(Sauron screams)

(Hulk and Red Hulk groaning)

(tense music)

(groaning)

Hulk: Let me go, you overgrown gecko!

-(Red Hulk roars) -(thwacking)

(growls)

Jump on three. One, two, three!

(yelling)

-Hey, that worked. -Let's do it again.

Hulk: Right side, smash!

Left side, smash!

-Hulk: Right side, smash! -(Sauron screams)

Red Hulk: Left side, smash!

-Hulk: Right side, smash! -(Sauron groans)

-Hulk: Your turn. -Red Hulk: One more time!

-She-Hulk: You charged up? -Yeah.

And we can really cut loose,

'cause there's no civilians around.

Not so fast!

-Who's this? -(Impy humming playfully)

Impy...

Doh! 'Sup?

I thought you wanted to be a big heroic Hulk.

Hello, sugar.

Heroes run toward danger, not away.

But I've never had to face danger without my pop!

-I could get hurt. -Thanks to you,

Red and Green are up there fighting at half power!

But they're not quitting.

Can't you help them?

Ugh, I... I feel so weak, but...

Maybe if I really concentrate...

(groaning)

(Impy screaming)

This is wrong.

(Sauron snarling)

Prepare to fire, A-Bomb. And try not to hit the Hulks.

I never miss!

Ow!

-(both grunting) -Hulk: Keep punching!

Ah, if I could just get my jaws on you!

(growling)

Huh?

My new powers are filled with surprises!

Like, four heads are better than two!

(Sauron laughing evilly)

I got 'em! I got 'em!

A-Bomb: I got 'em! He ducked.

Hold still, sour puss!

(shrieking)

(both grunting)

Hulk: Force him down!

(Sauron screams)

Skaar! Grab on!

(Skaar grunts)

Skaar, every time Sauron grows a new head, smash it!

Skaar smash!

-Stop that. -Skaar smash!

-Stop that! Aah! -Skaar smash.

(pained groan)

(all groaning)

A-Bomb: Now that is some Hulk teamwork!

No! I'm not finished yet...

(snarls)

Where's Sauron?

-He just vanished. -That's good, right?

Impy: Uh, not really.

If Sauron figured out how to teleport...

(grunting)

...he could attack any place on earth!

Oh, but I'm not finished with you Hulks yet.

Keep squawkin', sour puss. Use up all that stolen power.

I don't need it.

There is one reptile I've never been able to control.

But thanks to my borrowed powers,

I have summoned him!

A being so powerful,

all my other minions flee from him in terror.

(roaring)

(all whimpering)

Behold, Hulks, the agent of your extinction.

Sauron: Fin Fang Foom.

(roaring)

Wow. Talk about a coincidence.

What are the odds? (nervous chuckle)

(growling)

(roaring)

Just so you know, that's not me this time.

No kidding!

Hear me, Fin Fang Foom. And obey!

Sauron: Destroy them!

(roaring)

(all screaming)

We would have beaten Sauron by now, if you weren't so stubborn.

And now he's got a giant dragon.

It's not my fault you won't take orders.

- You're not the boss of me! - I'm out of here.

(both groaning)

Finish the Hulks!

Sauron: I said, finish them.

Stubborn beast!

Sauron: You will obey me!

(ringing)

Hold up, Red. Look!

-You've got to be kidding me. -Red Hulk: Not really.

We're still gonna have to stop the overgrown lizard

from flattening every city on the coast.

Impy, you have to do something.

Try to pop yourself back into dragon form.

Yeah! Maybe one giant monster will scare away another.

Stand back.

(groaning)

Forget it. It's no use. I'm outta here.

Red Hulk: Where you going? You gotta believe in yourself.

-(spaceship engine starts) -Red Hulk: In us!

I may have lost the alien's power,

so now, I will take yours, dragon!

-(snarls) -(thwacks)

(Sauron screams)

Looks like they don't get along any better than you and me.

Well, we'll have to get along, or this city is smashed.

Okay, Hulks.

Just like our practice run with Impy.

Jump on the dragon

and keep hitting him until you reach the top.

-(roaring) -(groaning)

I call first punch! Aah!

-(groans) -(grunts)

(roaring)

Ah! Skaar slash!

(A-Bomb groaning)

(roaring)

-(yells) -(thwacks)

Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H.,

locked in a desperate battle with the real Fin Fang Foom!

I tell you, true believers, I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it.

Though outmatched and overpowered,

in the face of earth-shattering odds,

the Smashers fight on and on.

Because that's what heroes do!

Heroes never run from danger.

No room for quitters in this Hulk's army.

Pointy-head elf man. No chicken.

Try again, little dude.

Takes more than powers to make a hero.

Yes!

Impy: Hang on, Hulks! Help's a-comin'!

I may not be at full power, but there's still one thing I can do!

(spaceship engine zooms)

(roaring)

(groans)

-Impy: Yahoo! -Both: Huh?

Yippee-kay-yay! Impy saves the day!

(roaring)

(lasers firing)

(groans)

Red Hulk: That maniac.

He could have flown away. Been safe.

Why'd he do it?

Because that's not what a hero does.

He came back to help the only way he could

by taking on Fin for us.

I guess... he was one of us after all.

-Back at ya, General. -Hey, you got your pop back.

Maybe all I had to do was believe in myself.

(roaring)

That's great. But what about dragon-breath?

I just borrowed a little something-something from Hank Pym.

You know, shrinky-growy guy?

How will something you took from Ant-Man separate us?

Impy: Oh, this is better than that!

(zapping)

(roaring)

(grunting)

What's your hurry, handsome?

(Hulk and Red Hulk grunting)

-Would you like the honor? -Oh, no, please. After you.

-Together. -Together.

No!

Impy: Shrinky-dinky, down you go.

So, why didn't you just hit Foom with that shrink ray?

Because it's your show, silly.

And who wouldn't want to see a giant-sized combo-Hulk in action?

He's right. It was awesome!

Hey! I have to get home to download the webcast.

I feel so powerful now

that I won't need my ship to make the trip.

Goodbye. See you. Adiós. Aloha. So long. Farewell.

Skaar-crow, I'm gonna miss you most of all.

(zooms)

-Wait! What about us? -Wait! What about us?

Ahem. Uh, Skaar fix?

Hulk: Well, looks like we may be stuck this way a while.

Maybe permanently.

Yeah. But at least we learned how to get along.

Impy: Whoopsie! I knew I forgot something.

There we go. Good as new.

-(grunts) -(clanking)

Just a thought.

Even if I can't join up as a full-time Hulk,

I could come back each week as your wacky, next-door neighbor.

Red, I don't know

if we'll ever see eye-to-eye on what makes a hero.

But I can tell you one thing we'll always agree on.

Both: Smash!

Oh, I love these Hulks!

(closing theme music)