Original subtitles

Shh. Hi, Hulk-a-punksters.

We're up extra early to play a practical joke on Red.

Got a big pan of warm water and...

Hey.

A-Bomb: Where is he? And where's his bed?

(rooster crowing)

(approaching footsteps)

(snoring)

Ugh. Think you can beat me, you Big green...

(muttering)

Hmm?

What the Devil?

Whoa! (Red Hulk yelling)

(thuds)

And don't you... (groaning)

Red Hulk: Not again.

(roaring)

(Red Hulk grunts)

Come back here, you sick salamander!

(Devil Dinosaur roaring)

-She-Hulk: Who's a pretty dinosaur? -(Devil Dinosaur roars)

A-Bomb: Yeah, who's a good buddy?

Who's a good dinosaur?

You are. Yes, you are.

Hey, Devil, want a treat?

(walls rumbling)

That's it!

(growls)

Every day, that overgrown lizard knocks me out of bed,

drags me through the desert,

and buries me like a blasted bone!

Oh, that's just his way of saying that he likes you.

Red Hulk: Well, I'm sick of him.

Stand aside.

T. Rex is going extinct for real.

-(whimpers) -Huh?

(theme music)

Move it, Greenie.

Give me that before you hurt yourself.

Red's always a grouch before he's had his OJ.

Come on, aren't you just a little curious

to see what dino-burgers would taste like?

You know what I'm talking about, right, Skaar?

Hmm. Dino-burger.

Dino-burgers. Num-num-num. Hmm?

-(Red Hulk chuckling) -(gasps)

-(grunting) -Ow!

No! Devil boy Skaar's friend.

No num-num-num.

Yeah, how would you feel if we tossed you in a bun

each time you honked us off?

Okay. No dino-burgers.

Got a better idea anyway.

We don't know how it happened, but somehow,

Devil developed a wicked attachment to Red.

Maybe because they both have that roaring red thing going for them,

or could be Devil sees Red as a fellow dinosaur,

or maybe a pet?

(whispering) That's probably it.

You don't think Red would really hurt Devil, do you?

Red's bad with animals but not that bad.

(bell chimes)

(beeps)

Hulk: Speaking of pets,

we have a new one to look after.

(Hulk whistles)

Hulk: Lunchtime.

Who's a hungry leader?

Huh? Playing with your food again.

The Leader: Some inmates keep their minds active

by doing Crossword puzzles.

I keep my gamma charged brain alert

by devising escape scenarios and villain alliances,

all out of leftovers.

Well, there's peas in your lunch.

Hulk: So knock yourself out.

This animosity between us is so pointless.

I shouldn't be your prisoner.

She-Hulk, I'm sure you'd agree

that we're all one gamma, spawn family.

Dream on.

Hulk, you long to be accepted as a hero.

Think of what you and I could accomplish together.

The Leader: With my brain and your brawn, we'd rule the earth.

Huh. Same old rant.

You know, I might've fallen for it

if you hadn't spent so much time trying to croak us.

Hulk: Now, pipe down and eat your peas, or no pudding.

The Leader: My hour will come, monster.

(Red Hulk whistles)

Red Hulk: Hey, ugly, want a treat?

(grunting) Go get it now! Go on!

A-Bomb: Yo, Red.

Seen Devil? It's time for his bath.

What, uh... I don't keep track of your lizard.

I got stuff to do.

Hmm.

Now, to find you a good home far away from me.

Don't worry, I know exactly where you'll be appreciated.

-man: Get out of here! -woman: Stay away from us here!

-(animals calling) -man: Yeah, go away! Don't come back.

You, big dummy.

That was a petting zoo, not an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Red Hulk: What do you mean you don't want him?

Every museum wants a dinosaur.

-(whimpering) -(Devil Dinosaur roaring)

(groans)

That was expensive, right?

Uh-huh.

Red Hulk: Okay, so that's two strikes.

This time, I got a home run.

Isolated mountain forest.

Plenty of fresh water.

All the bears you can eat, huh?

Best of all, it's half a world away from Vista Verde.

(droning)

(engine whirring)

Red Hulk: Here, boy! Come on, boy, let's play.

Here, want to play fetch?

Come on, boy, fetch the stick. Fetch it, ready?

(grunts) Go get it!

(retreating thumping)

(jet engines firing up)

(groans)

(Devil whimpering)

(dramatic music)

Ah. Done and done.

Finally, a good night's sleep for old Red.

-(beeping) -Doombot: Attention!

You have invaded the sovereign nation of Latveria.

Latveria?

Dang it.

I could've sworn I set course for Transia.

Or was it Moldavia?

(groaning) All those postage stamp countries sound the same.

(ominous music)

-(beeping) -Red Hulk: Uh-oh.

I woke up the landlord.

Oh!

(suspenseful music)

(chuckles) Yeah! That did it.

I'll be halfway home before I hear one clank out of...

Doctor Doom.

Red Hulk: Uh-oh.

I'm hit!

(groaning)

Red Hulk: Come on, pull up, pull up!

(straining)

Dr. Doom: Welcome to Latveria.

(ominous music)

(groaning)

Where am I?

Heaven?

Dr. Doom: Perhaps for some but not for you.

Ingenious, your cameras.

Even I have followed your online efforts

to keep the Hulk in check.

You should be commended for your diligence,

honored for your bravery,

punished for invading the kingdom of Victor Von Doom.

Oh. Is this Latveria, doc?

I knew I should've taken that left turn at Albuquerque.

Childish.

Just as childish as your attempt to escape.

-(beeps) -(groaning)

Dr. Doom: You are more resilient than I first believed.

Strong enough perhaps to survive the transfer process.

(groans) Transfer process?

I don't think I like where this conversation's going.

Dr. Doom: You once took a courageous risk and exposed yourself

to the transforming power of gamma energy.

(foreboding music)

Red Hulk: Uh-oh!

Dr. Doom: For years,

I have also sought to acquire gamma power.

Albeit it, without the unpleasant side effect

of turning myself into a monster.

Oh, right, because you're not a monster.

Dr. Doom: I originally built that device

to siphon off the Green Hulk's great strength.

However, I never managed to trap him in Latveria.

(groaning)

Waste of time anyway, Doc.

I'm a lot stronger than old Greenie.

Red Hulk: Though, right now, that might not be such a good thing.

Dr. Doom: It is for me.

(groaning)

Skaar, you deserve to know the truth about your past.

Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

All you need to do is free me,

and I will restore your memory.

Together, we will escape back to your home planet of Sakaar.

Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

Yes. Yes!

From there, we will launch a new attack against the Hulks.

And when we finally crush them,

and we will.

The Leader: You and I will rule both worlds as equals.

What do you say?

Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

A-Bomb: Skaar, what are you doing?

I told you not to take my tunes without asking.

(rock music playing)

That payback for giving Skaar bath.

Oh, you want payback, huh?

(grunts)

(Skaar growls)

-Skaar like being smelly! -Hey!

A-Bomb: Come on, not the face! Not the beautiful face!

Skaar: That's Skaar's favorite song.

Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

A-Bomb: Dude, that was like right in the face.

(grunting)

Leader, want something?

Never mind.

-(Skaar grunting) -A-Bomb: Play xylophone on your mouth!

(ominous music)

(roars)

(howling)

(groaning)

Dr. Doom: No longer is my armor simply for defense.

It is now a gamma energy conductor.

Double the power!

(yelling)

(Red Hulk grunting)

(roaring)

Dr. Doom: Success.

(groans)

(foreboding music)

Dr. Doom: Now, I control the ultimate weapon.

Pure gamma energy, mine to unleash at will.

Cities will fall. Armies will scatter.

No hero or Hulk can match my power.

At last, Doom shall reign supreme.

Blah, blah, blah.

(grunting)

Dr. Doom: Crimson oaf.

You dare strike Doom?

For that, you perish!

(roaring)

(Red Hulk crying out)

Dr. Doom: One more blast and you're finished!

(growling)

-Dr. Doom: Who dares? -(growls)

Dr. Doom: Away, monster!

(screaming)

Hey.

Never thought I'd be happy to see you.

Dr. Doom: So you have an ally.

His head will look magnificent over my fireplace.

(roaring)

Hey, nobody beats on that dino except me!

(grunting)

Dr. Doom: Fool! You'll rupture the power cell.

That's the idea!

(yelling)

-(groaning) -(whirring)

Dr. Doom: You have fought valiantly.

But victory is Doom's.

How fitting.

By trying to cripple my armor,

Red Hulk has only succeeded in destroying himself.

Hi.

(both grunting)

Dr. Doom: Old Red's got a little secret.

Seems I'm the only Hulk that can absorb gamma power.

(growling)

Dr. Doom: Ah! Armor's power cells drained.

Doom: Can't move.

Red Hulk: What's the matter, doc?

Your iron panties blow a fuse?

Dr. Doom: Ugh! Fool!

Doom is never powerless!

(roaring)

You want to stay and play chew toy with Vic?

It's all the same to me.

I'm getting out of here before he recharges.

Doom shot down my jet, it's only fair I burrow his.

For the ride home, you know.

Red Hulk: Of course, the trick will be finding his hanger

before his doombots find me.

(chuckling) Bingo!

(Devil Dinosaur growling)

Oh, changed your mind, huh?

Well, hurry up, get on the jet.

We don't got all day.

Red Hulk: Should be able to hotwire this crate.

Oh, yeah, that did it!

(suspenseful music)

Red Hulk: Course is locked in. We're home free, big ugly.

-(alarm beeping) -Doombot: Warning!

Tampering with this aircraft has initiated the security override.

(beeping continues)

Security override? What does he mean security...

(explosion)

Red Hulk: You dead, rusted, metal-mouth, nut-job!

Can't you take a dang joke?

Dr. Doom: It is unlikely the brute survived.

Still, I must be sure.

(Red Hulk shushes)

Easy.

(whirring)

Could I've called green for a ride?

Sure.

But he's only gonna rub that you're-no-good-with-animals crud

in my face again.

Who needs that?

We'll walk home first.

(light music)

Red Hulk: I never thought this old dump could look so good.

(blasting)

Incoming!

Dr. Doom: I've waited patiently, Red Hulk.

You defiled my country and destroyed my castle.

For that, your gamma base will be the first to fall.

(grunting)

Hulk: You know, Doom,

we Hulks don't take kindly to gate crashers.

Especially ones who swipe our gamma powers.

You attack one Hulk, you attack us all.

Dr. Doom: I'll have to do away with you eventually.

So let it be done!

A-Bomb: Oh, yeah!

Whoo-hoo!

Missed me!

Oh, no.

(tense music)

(Skaar grunting)

(grunting)

Dr. Doom: Away from me, savage!

(Skaar screaming)

Light's out, doc! (grunts)

Hulk: Hey, doc!

Open up and say "Aah."

(grunting)

(Hulk yells)

Fill your hands, you tinplated creep!

(growling)

(Red Hulk yelling)

(grunting)

Hulk: Way to blunder into Doom's clutches, Red.

His gamma power armor makes him unstoppable.

You want to spare me the lecture

till after we've mopped up Chrome-dome?

Ricochet routine! Go!

(alarms beeping)

-Red Hulk: Hey, Doc! Smile! -(grunting)

(groans)

-(grunts) -(alarm beeps)

Dr. Doom: Power cells are dropping.

I must recharge if I am to destroy every Hulk.

The Leader: Victor? Victor Von Doom?

A brilliant plan, sir.

Battling your way into the Hulk's inner sanctum to liberate me.

-Dr. Doom: And you are? -The Leader.

The Leader of?

The world.

The conquest of humankind.

You know, the Leader.

Oh, yes.

Uh, tell me, does the Hulk keep surplus gamma reserves on hand?

That generator connects to the main gamma reactor.

Dr. Doom: Excellent.

(device beeping)

You gamma-powered your armor? How inspired.

What an awesome super villain team-up we geniuses shall forge.

Dr. Doom: I'm afraid my usual alliances are on a more epic scale.

I'm epic.

Hmm?

(groans)

A-Bomb: Good work, big brain.

She-Hulk: Keeping Doom distracted until we caught up.

Why, yes.

So, Doc, you feeling lucky?

Dr. Doom: Bah!

This petty feud is beneath the lord of Latveria.

Doom takes his leave.

But first, there is a debt to settle.

Who shall pay the price for Red Hulk's crimes?

(roaring)

Of course, the faithful beast.

Loyal to the end!

Red Hulk: No, you don't!

Red!

(Red Hulk grunts)

Dr. Doom: Noble but futile.

(Hulk roars)

Dr. Doom: Unhand me, you brute!

Hulk: Soon as I smash up these power cells.

Can't have you draining anymore Hulks.

Dr. Doom: No! You mustn't! Ah!

The armor is overloading!

It could explode any second!

Better not let the door hit you on your way out.

(Dr. Doom screaming)

(Red Hulk groaning)

(sputtering)

Red Hulk: Don't drown me already!

-You're okay? -Ugh.

Sure. I couldn't let Doom hurt my pal here.

Your pal?

After you threatened to grind him up into Dino-burgers?

Who me?

Nah. I just spent the last week looking for Devil

after he wandered off and got lost.

Ain't that right?

(purring)

What?

(scoffs) That's Red's story.

But the mini-cams tell the real tale.

But now that he's had a chance to get to know Devil,

maybe Red is better with animals.

Well, maybe just this one.

(ground rumbling)

Red Hulk: Oh, no!

Not again!

Hulk out.

(closing theme music)