Original subtitles

(whooshing)

What's the big emergency this time?

Only thing I know is Hoover Dam has a Hulk-sized problem.

Jen, give us a look-see.

She-Hulk: There's our disaster, dead-ahead.

That creep's about to wash away a million people.

Hulk: Who is that, anyway?

(villain laughs)

Skaar: Very bad man look familiar.

(roars)

A-Bomb: It's Blastaar,

the evil cowardly lion from another dimension.

-And he brought his munchkins! -(rumbling)

Remember last time fang-face visited?

He ambushed us for The Leader.

I'll be sure to thank him.

Rest of you, smash his borers and fix the dam.

Light it up, boys.

The Hulk launcher is ready to fire.

(clanks)

She-Hulk: Hulks away!

(Red Hulk laughing)

(A-Bomb cheering)

Used to worry about my human friends getting hurt.

But these are Hulks. So, we do the hurting.

Hulk: Yo, ugly!

You negative zone creeps never learn!

(groans)

(roars)

(thuds)

Blastaar will do the teaching this day.

(roars)

(zapping)

(Hulk roars)

(grunts)

Don't want you breaking a nail, Jenny.

I got this.

(Blastaar grunting)

(thuds)

-Stop blasting yourself! -(groans)

Stop blasting yourself!

Stop blasting yourself!

Anything else to teach me?

(chuckles)

It is your friends who shall learn pain first!

(roars)

-(rumbling) -Oh, what else could go wrong?

(roars)

Hey! What's biting me?

Get it off, get it off!

You wouldn't last a minute without me, Red.

-(grunts) -(rumbles)

I got this!

(groans)

(She-Hulk screams) Ow!

Says the green damsel in distress.

-(zapping) -(laughs)

She-Hulk: Ew, not enough it chomped me,

but it slimed me, too?

Red Hulk: I'll kiss your boo-boo later.

We gotta stop this thing from going splits-ville!

-She-Hulk: So, weld it up, hot stuff! -(rumbling)

-Fire in the hole! -(beeping)

(rumbling)

You know, we make a pretty good team when you do what I say.

-She-Hulk: Ha-ha. -(grunts)

(roars)

Ow! Since when do the borers spit bitey snake-things?

Get it off! Get it off!

(clangs)

(roars)

Skaar bit too!

(groans)

-(groans) -(thuds)

Hulk: Rick? Jen?

A-Bomb: Hulk?

-(grunts) -(thuds)

(straining)

Can't move.

(tense music)

(warbles)

(growls)

Hulk: The negative zone.

Blastaar: Enjoy watching your friends perish!

The Leader sends his regards.

(snarls)

(theme music)

A-Bomb: Aah! Ow!

(zaps)

Hulk: This stuff grows back fast.

Worse than picking a scab.

Don't make Skaar peel.

Skaar not like when Skaar peel.

(grunts)

Ugh, will you stop picking? It's gross.

computer: Scan initialized.

(whirring)

Tissue analysis complete.

Unknown poison is spreading through the subjects' cells,

Crystallizing their bodies from the outside in.

Hulk: How do I stop it?

computer: Treatment unknown.

Then what am I supposed to do?

Better do something soon, greenie.

We're being petrified here.

And I'd kind of like to know why?

The Leader: An intriguing question.

Premise,

How best to destroy one's enemy.

Conclusion,

Destroy their allies first.

Red Hulk: How'd this jerk get on our TVs?

Must've hacked my cameras.

The Leader: What can I say?

I like to watch.

What do you want?

Why, I'm here to help you, Hulk.

If you're going to create an antidote,

You'll need more of the poison.

Which is found only in the negative zone.

- Simply put, to save your friends, -(groaning)

You'll have to come to me.

Oh, and I wouldn't dilly-dally.

I doubt they'll last 24 hours.

Coming after me is one thing.

But my friends? My family?

-(yells) -(shatters)

Hulk: This serum mixer better do the trick.

Hulk, don't go. It's a trap.

(grunts) 'Course, it is! And I'm going...

(groans) with him.

Hulk: You're not going anywhere.

None of you.

Leader wants me, he's gonna get me.

Just hang in there.

(Hulks groan)

(whooshing)

(thunder cracking)

Fantastic four's always willing to help, you big clod.

But I told you on the phone, Reed ain't back yet.

Hey, maybe you and I could work on a cure.

Can't wait. Where's Stretch's portal to the negative zone?

(sighs) This way.

Hulk: Just fire this thing up so I can get going.

You go alone, you might never come back.

And I don't want no one blaming me at your green funeral.

It's my risk. Don't need your help.

Sure, I could count on Ben.

But last thing I wanna do is put another one of my pals in danger.

Well, you're gonna need a pilot.

I know the negative zone like the cracks in my big rocky hand.

You don't.

Only way I open this door is if I go too.

(sighs)

You going in your pajamas?

(distant zipping)

(beeps)

(whirring)

computer: Portal activated.

Fasten your seat belts.

It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

(whooshing)

Lot of bad stuff in here.

We're only after one bad guy.

Hulk: Picking up The Leader's gamma signature ahead.

And he's ready for us.

We're going in full smash.

-I want the big head to feel us coming. -(beeps)

Okay, simmer down, you big dummy. I got another idea.

Thing: Going to camo-mode.

computer: Cloaking device activated.

-(thuds) -(soldiers groan)

Hulk: Ugh, you and your big ideas.

(Hulk sighs) This ain't gonna work.

Sure, it will. If you give it an honest try.

-(clanks) -(groans)

You know, I kind of like this armor.

(whooshing)

(whirring)

Hulk: They're getting worse. We need to hurry.

Heads up, green genes.

Wearing this armor got us in right under their furry noses.

You just stick with old blue eyes.

Not saying I needed help,

but maybe letting The Thing tag along wasn't such a bad idea after all.

-(beeps) -Hulk: This scanner better work.

(beeping)

Hulk: This way.

Thing: What's your doodad picking up, anyway?

Hulk: It's rigged to track the source of the poison.

-(beeps) -And we're close.

(hisses)

Of course, it had to be the biggest monster in the place.

That's just another snake to me.

You hold it down, I'll go for the poison.

Oh, gee, thanks a lot.

-(grunts) -(thuds)

-(grunting) -(hissing)

Thing: This thing has three heads? Really?

(roars)

(crackling)

(electricity crackling)

(grunts)

-(rumbles) -(Thing yells)

(both grunting)

-(grunting) -(roaring)

Are you gonna clobber something?

Are you gonna lay around all day?

-(shrieks) -(thuds)

(groans)

(squeaks)

Hurry it up, will you?

(yells)

(rumbles)

Hulk: Three strikes and you're out.

That was lame, even for you.

(squelching)

Got it, let's move.

Just another snake, he says.

(rhythmic marching)

Hulk: Okay, Ben, here's the plan.

I'll cause a distraction.

You get the antidote back to the Hulks.

Ugh, you're going after the leader.

I don't get him now, he'll never stop coming after us.

(Hulk grunts) Hey!

-(growls) -(thudding)

Hulk: Who wants to get smashed first?

Well? Come on!

-(all grunting) -Hulk: I got smashes for everyone!

-(thumping) -(grunting)

Want some too? Tough guys, huh?

Thing: Say hello to my fist!

Hulk: Go! I'll see you on the other side!

-(clanking) -(grunting)

-(zapping) -(groans)

-(thumping) -(grunting)

(growls)

The Leader: I was afraid you wouldn't come.

The Leader: You can see what happens to those who have been poisoned,

like your friends.

Those who disappoint me.

And you do not want to disappoint me.

I never disappoint.

So, what's with Annihilus's hand-me-down's?

The Cosmic Control Rod

-Is this realm's most powerful weapon. -(crackling)

Hmm. That glow stick didn't save bug-brain.

Well, I've made some improvements.

(chuckles)

-(zaps) -(screams)

(groaning)

(grunts)

(groaning)

The Leader: Annihilus, be gone.

Annihilus?

The price of his failure.

The Leader: And now to yours.

I've watched every episode of your sad attempt

to rebrand yourself a hero.

And I must admit, I was inspired to chronicle my own adventures.

Care to see what I've been up to?

(beeps)

A-Bomb: Wait, those dinosaurs are packing lasers!

Where did they get lasers?

Where, indeed?

Yes.

I gave Sauron power to cause enough chaos in the world

so my leadership would be welcomed.

You were behind that?

Shame me and my pals loused it up for you.

Sauron wasn't my only attempt.

I found Ymir, god of winter,

for the frost giants to attack earth.

We agreed to share the planet if their invasion was successful.

And how'd that work out for you?

All your flunkies let you down.

For a guy who named himself "The Leader,"

you're not very good at it.

And how are the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. Doing under your leadership?

(growls)

In the past, you've been unbeatable because you were a raging monster

who cared for nothing.

-Now, at long last, you have a weakness. -(straining)

Friends.

I'm not worried about them.

Antidote's already on earth by now.

My friends are fine.

Probably on their way here for me.

Drat, I've failed again!

Well, let's have a look.

Just to be sure.

A-Bomb: Ow, and I thought poison oak was gross.

Somebody. I need more lotion.

- Gotta slow the transformation. -(crackling)

Give Hulk time. (grunts)

Ben should've been there.

You refer to Benjamin Grimm?

Now where could The Thing be?

(growls)

-(zaps) -(rumbles)

(Thing yells)

(sighs)

That was my ride home, you bum!

Blastaar: You'll never escape!

(zaps)

(grunts)

The Hulk has already fallen.

Now, you shall too!

(zapping)

Sorry, furball.

Aunt petunia didn't raise

the ever-lovin' blue-eyed thing to give up!

It's clobberin' time!

-(thuds) -(grunts)

(groans)

Relax, puss in boots.

Uncle ben's gonna borrow your flying thingamajig.

Ah. You see my friends as a weakness,

but I can always count on them.

Ah, that's what I've been waiting for.

Hope.

And the moment when I make it disappear from your face.

(beeps)

(beeping)

What kind of cockamamie nonsense...

(whooshes)

Thing: Hey!

(machine buzzes)

-(explodes) -(screams)

Ben!

Just how many of your friends have met their doom because of you?

(Hulks groaning)

You can add four Hulks to the list.

No!

Yes,

that rampaging beast is still in you.

Let it out!

(roars)

(whirring)

(tense music)

Hulk crush Leader!

Hulk smash all!

Your reason to control your anger has died with those close to you.

(beeps)

(beeping)

(growling)

(yells)

And now that you've given in to rage completely,

this chip will make certain you stay that way.

(grunts)

(zapping)

The Leader: When I unleash you on to Earth,

The people of the world will see no hero.

(roaring)

They'll see what I do.

A monster who must be destroyed.

Hulk! Smash! Ground!

(roars)

Yes, smash any chance at redemption,

and destroy enough of mankind

to create need for my leadership.

Two birds with a single green stone.

(roars)

(grunts)

-(snapping) -(crackling)

Impossible!

(grunting)

(clanks)

Hulk smash Leader!

-(thuds) -(rumbles)

(groans)

(Hulk grunts)

-(gasps) -My liege, what should we do?

Restrain him, by any means.

Hulk smash Leader!

-(zapping) -(grunting)

Hulk smash cat-man!

(explodes)

(panting)

-(zaps) -(groans)

(growls)

Bug shell won't save Leader!

We won't know if we don't try.

-(thuds) -(rumbles)

This battle was inevitable.

-Brains versus brawn. -(whirring)

For all your power, you are just an animal.

And no competition for my intellect.

(crackling)

(Hulk grunting)

(rumbling)

-(thumps) -(roars)

(whimpers)

(growls)

-Leader! Not! -(thudding)

Fly! Away!

Miscalculated.

Wanted your rage.

Not directed at me.

Now, Hulk smash Leader

for good!

-(roars) -(snaps)

That's enough, jade jaws.

(Hulk grunts)

Hulk smash orange monster!

Ugh, I'm on your side, green.

Forget the long-headed dope.

I still got the antidote.

Your friends need you.

(panting)

Hulk: Jen?

(sighs) Rick.

I'm sorry, Ben. Thought I lost you.

You thought some exploding rock could take me out?

(scoffs) I just hitched a ride on Blastaar here.

Hulk: Come on, let's get home.

(tense music)

(hissing)

-Oh! -A-Bomb: I can move!

The A-Bomb is mobile!

You okay?

(sighs) Yeah.

Just glad you're all okay.

Red Hulk: Are you getting all misty over there, rainy face?

We volunteered for this job.

You didn't twist any arms to get us here.

We're in this together.

We're not gonna let you hog all the smashing.

Skaar like being smasher.

Hey! What am I, you jerk? Chopped liver?

I couldn't have done it without you.

She-Hulk: So, what's the big surprise

you brought us from the negative zone?

-What in Sam Hill... -Whoa, seriously?

-Dude! -Skaar not like him here.

(tense music)

Is there a risk to having The Leader in our base?

Sure.

But at least here, I got friends who can help me keep an eye on him.

Hulk out.

(closing theme music)