Original subtitles

(Hulk grunts) Let me out of here.

When I get out of here, I'm gonna smash someone!

This is for your own good, Hulk.

Warned you before, don't take me on vacation.

You won't like me on vacation.

Skaar like vacation.

Why Hulk no like vacation?

He thinks that everywhere we go, we just end up trashing the place.

We do! And people end up in danger.

Now, let me out!

Don't worry, buddy.

I picked the most awesomest ski resort ever!

A vacation of snowboarding, skiing, hiking...

Did I mention snowboarding?

Hulk: Jen, you know this is a bad idea, right?

Hey, I wanted Palm Springs,

but then A-Bomb said they have hot tubs we can actually fit in!

Plus, local legends say the woods around here are haunted

by sasquatch monsters.

Hear that, gamma fans?

You'll be the first to see one caught on camera.

You watch too many Bigfoot-hunting reality shows, Ricky.

No such thing as nine-foot hairy monkey people

running around the woods.

All right, guys, buckle up and prepare for landing.

-(alarm beeping) -(Wolverine growls)

(gasps)

(snarling)

Wolverine?

(theme music)

-(alarm blaring) -(grunts) Get me out of here, Red.

All right, hold your Hulkie horses.

(Wolverine growling)

(clattering)

We're going down!

(crashing)

What is that? Jump jet number nine?

Hope we're getting them in bulk.

The jet's the last of our problems.

Hulk, was that really Wolverine?

I didn't get a good look, but yeah, think so.

Little weasel finally went rabid.

Rabid? That's an understatement.

He's gone nuclear.

She-Hulk: Look what he did to this place.

Whoa, this is just like my favorite horror flick,

Dusk of the Undead.

Zombies unleashed on a small mountain town,

chaos ensues!

(Wolverine snarling)

(sniffing)

Skaar: Beast-man coming back.

(Wolverine roaring)

Hulk, look out!

(snarls)

That ain't the Wolverine I know.

And we go way back.

Calm down, Wolvie.

As much as I want to smash you into next Saturday, I...

(growls)

Have it your way.

(both grunt)

(roaring)

Beast-man tough.

He's a mutant with super healing abilities.

And a skeleton laced with unbreakable adamantium.

He's really tough, for a runt.

(snarling)

I'll show you how to put this rabid wolf down.

Red Hulk: Hey, I didn't even hit him yet.

(growling)

He's changing.

Hulk's right. Look.

Wolverine: Jen?

Where am I?

What happened?

You were possessed or something.

(groaning)

-(neck bones cracking) -(grunts)

(coughing)

Wolverine: So, it's true, Hulk.

You got yourself your own set of dwarves.

Nice. Let me guess...

Dopey, Happy, and Bashful.

Hey, shrimpy,

healing factor or no, I'll pound you so deep into the ground,

you'll think you're a fossil.

My mistake. Guess I found Grumpy instead.

-(Red Hulk groans) -No, I'm Grumpy!

Friends with Wolverine?

First time we met, beat the snot out of each other.

Something about that guy brings out the worst in me.

We need to get to the bottom of this.

Logan, what happened?

Think I was bit by a Wendigo.

It's an ancient, cursed monster. Bites are contagious.

Just like in a zombie movie. This is so cool!

Except the part where it's real.

A-Bomb: There's gotta be a cure, right?

Uh-uh. My healing factor did the trick,

but everyone else at this resort has already been turned.

Wolverine: If this curse spreads beyond the valley,

the whole world's doomed.

Only chance we got is to keep it on the mountain.

Contain it.

Then let's lock and load.

Wolverine, you know their scent.

You get to lead us to them.

(sniffing)

Wendigo stench is thick, but I'm going alone.

I'm the best there is at what I do,

but what I do ain't very nice.

Wolverine: And doesn't include a team.

Logan, you need us.

(Wolverine grumbles)

Wolverine: Then hurry it up.

She-Hulk: I don't know.

Maybe we should split up.

We can cover more ground.

Are you guys crazy? Rule number one is never split up!

Don't you guys know horror movie rules?

Rule number two, never look under the bed.

Rule number three, never peek in the closet.

And rule number four, never go check a monster who's down,

'cause it'll always spring back to life and get ya!

(wind howling)

(ominous music)

Nice totem pole.

Very welcoming.

It's an old Native American warning...

for the Wendigo.

A-Bomb: Yeah, this thing is pretty much marking our doom.

(sniffing) Wolverine: They're here.

(Wendigos snarling)

You wanted a horror movie, A-Bomb?

Red Hulk: Get your popcorn ready.

Remember, these are people. Weapons on stun.

Yeah, I don't think they have their fangs on stun.

(snarling)

Look out! (grunts)

Don't get bitten or scratched. You'll turn into one of them.

No problem, Wolvie.

No Wendigo is getting through my armor.

Get back!

You freaks smell worse than a hundred wet Wolverines.

Now you know what your breath's like, Red.

What? Hey!

Well, she's one to talk.

Miss...

Anchovies for lunch.

(grunts)

(growls)

(roaring)

Bet you that guy's top dog.

-(snarls) -(grunts)

Red Hulk: Take a nap, fangface.

A-Bomb: Red, remember rule number four.

The monster never stays down.

Oh, for the love of...

(grunts)

I think A-Bomb found his calling,

annoying monster hunter.

(awkward laugh) That's...

That is hilarious, Jen.

But, but who warned him?

Oh, that would be moi,

annoying, saved-your-butt guy.

(grunts)

-Stop, that's enough. -Let me go.

(Wendigos snarling)

You can't just slash 'em.

They're cursed, they used to be people.

Wolverine: Well, now they're monsters.

And the old you would have smashed them.

The new me is gonna smash you.

-She-Hulk: Stop! -(both grunt)

While you boys fight,

people are stuck as those things.

We got to figure out how to stop this. Now, come on.

(chuckling) Oh, you got yelled at.

(sniffing)

What? I'm coming.

(gasps) Oh, no.

(groans)

This is the twist in the horror movie that wrenches your heart.

When the handsome, super-cool hero knows he's doomed.

At least, it's only a scratch and not a bite.

So I got plenty of time to figure out a plan.

Right...

All right, plan, plan, plan. Need a plan, need a plan.

I think I got it.

Hulk: A-Bomb, what are you doing? Keep up.

A-Bomb: Yeah, yeah, I'm right behind you.

Ah, here we go.

Yo, freak force!

Look at what I found on my favorite monster website.

"The Legend of the Ancient Wendigo Curse.

An age-old evil,

Wendigos are said to be the living embodiment

of the Raging Beast-Spirit."

(scoffs)

There's a freedom when you unleash the beast, right, Green?

Felt good when we were ragin'.

There's always a price, Logan.

People get hurt.

Better to control it.

That's puny human talk.

Wolverine knows how to push my buttons even more than Red.

Okay, "legend says the curse began

with the Wendigo King, who spread it,

infecting his prey like a master vampire.

The spirit of the beast made flesh, it is said he isn't even human.

And that no one can resist his evil eye."

Ooh! "The only way to end the curse is to vanquish this Wendigo King."

Wendigo King?

Never heard of him.

What, we're going to trust this kid's mumbo jumbo website?

I think I saw your Wendigo King creep when those things attacked us.

And Rick's been right so far.

We hunt down his furry highness and smash him.

Hard.

I'm liking the sound of that.

(wind howling)

(sniffing)

Smell Wendigo on you, kid.

Something you want to tell me?

(scoffs) Like what?

So, maybe I got some of their fleas, I'm fine.

A-Bomb: Keep your nose to yourself.

We got problems.

Sounds like a whole lot of problems.

(snarling)

A-Bomb: I am not liking this.

Where are they?

Oh, no. Rule number 47,

if you can hear the monsters, but can't see them,

they're above you, or...

(rumbling)

Blast them!

(grunts)

Can't hold them off forever.

There's too many.

We got to get to that king.

Wolverine: I've got his scent. Up the mountain.

A-Bomb: Make for the tram station.

That's our ride. Move.

(snarls)

(all panting)

(groans)

(tram engine revs)

(Wendigos growling)

Phew!

Right in the nick of time.

-A-Bomb: Just like a-- -Horror movie, we get it!

(Wendigos growling)

Beast follow.

Scrape them off.

(grunts)

(weapon firing)

Uh, guys?

What, another rule we forgot?

Horror movie rule number five,

first guy that gets bit never makes it.

We'll get you help, Rick.

Too late.

(roaring)

(gasps, grunts)

(groaning)

-(howling) -Easy, Jones.

Don't wanna hurt ya.

Quick, on the roof.

Sorry about that, kid.

Wolverine: Now what?

Blast them!

She-Hulk: They just keep coming.

(grunts)

-(snarls) -(grunts)

-(howling) -Hmm.

(growling)

She-Hulk: This isn't working.

(gasps) Got me through my gauntlet.

Wolverine: Come on!

(tense music)

Wolverine: Ugh, this is a dead end.

Hulks, better grab onto something.

-What? -(yells)

(all scream)

(swooshes)

(crashing)

(groaning)

(Wendigo howls)

Jen!

Skaar!

Red?

Come on. Better off without 'em.

No, I'm not leaving them.

I can't believe Wolverine would leave friends behind like this.

No wonder he doesn't have any.

(Wendigo King growling)

(ominous music)

(growling)

Oh, no.

The Agents of S.M.A.S.H. have become Wendigos.

No, not gonna hurt my friends.

They're not your friends anymore, Hulk.

We don't have a choice.

There's always a choice.

Wolverine says it's good to cut loose,

but not against your friends who've been cursed as monsters.

When everybody loses it around you, you gotta keep your head.

(Wendigos snarling)

Fight it, Hulks. Don't give in to your rage.

Stop, Smashers!

You can't reason with beasts, Hulk.

Smash 'em!

(grunts)

(both groan)

(grunts)

(both grunting)

Back off!

-Hulk: Enough! -(Wolverine groans)

Put your claws away, Wolverine.

We're gonna find a cure.

Get it through that cinder block you call a skull,

ain't no cure.

-(roaring) -No!

(groans) Stupid rule number four.

(roaring)

(groans) The curse...

(roaring)

(screaming)

Wolverine: You're gonna bring the whole mountain down.

Hulk: That's the idea.

-(rumbling) -(snarls)

(rumbling continues)

(all yelling)

(Hulk grunts)

That's the Hulk I've been waiting for.

Ice won't hold them long.

And I don't have much time either. Let's move.

(both grunting)

(ominous music)

(A-Bomb grunts)

The world might think I'm a monster,

but I refuse to become one.

(tense music)

Wolverine: Think that's a clue?

Hulk: You were never funny.

But that cave does have "Wendigo Central" written all over it.

Wolverine: You wanted his furry highness,

get ready to be his chew toy.

Hulk: Really? You're going with that?

(whirring)

(tense music)

(sniffs)

Hulk: Smells like a giant Wendigo outhouse.

Wolverine: Ugh, yeah. Try having heightened senses.

(snarling)

We got company.

(both yell)

(growls)

Hulk: See what happens when you check your temper?

Stay in control?

You ought to write a book.

-You ought to read one. -(grunting)

Wolverine: Wait up, you big green jerk.

(Wendigo howling)

Hulk: It's official, I'm sick of these furballs.

(snarling)

I am the beast made flesh.

You and your world will become one

with the pack.

No thanks, Fido.

(grunts)

My power is of another world,

and you will suffer it.

-(growls) -(grunts)

-(thuds) -(clatters)

(Wendigo King chuckles)

(Hulk grunts)

(chuckles)

-(roars) -(grunts)

Soon you will be a Wendigo.

(groaning)

Foolish humans,

there's no resisting

the beast.

(growls)

(Wendigos growling)

(all snarling)

(grunts) Hulks, listen to me.

Fight it!

Too late.

No, it's not.

If anybody can resist the beast within, it's you.

Friends need me.

Won't give up!

Join us.

Wolvie, fastball special.

-Do it. -(Wolverine grunts)

(whirring)

(screaming) No!

(screeching)

(sighs)

(roaring)

Man 1: Ugh, what happened?

(She-Hulk grunts) What's going on?

(gasps) Monsters!

(grunts)

Is that the Hulk?

They're not monsters, they're Agents of S.M.A.S.H.

Wolverine: They saved you.

So, um, what are we doing in this gross, smelly cave?

And why am I so hungry for kibble?

Mm. Skaar always hungry for kibble.

(groans) My aching head.

You got a lot of explaining to do, Green.

What do we do with this?

Haven't you seen any horror movies?

In the end, some dope takes the cursed object home.

That's how the sequel always starts.

Gotta agree with the kid on this one.

I'm gonna have to start watching more horror flicks.

You surprised me, Hulk.

You got it under control.

Guess you're not a raging beast anymore.

(chuckles) You're a hero.

And you are still Wolverine.

(sighs) Didn't want a vacation.

Thought people would get hurt.

But if we didn't go, more people would have got hurt.

It's funny how things work.

Cannonball!

Nice one, Jen.

(rubber duck squeaks)

Hulk out.

(closing theme music)