Original subtitles

(ominous music)

- Is any of this even necessary?

That dipshit'll be dead before me.

- Him again?

- Fine.

The date is February 23rd, 1982.

- Can I get some snacks in here?

- Son, 18 years and nine months ago you were conceived

on the Gadbury Ice

and you've been the bane of my existence ever since.

When I was alive, I lay awake at night

wishing I had pulled out and let you melt into the ice.

As the saying goes, spilled semen.

You've enjoyed the finer aspects of the Gadbury name

while never fulfilling your family duties.

Our legacy as curling elite goes back centuries

and now I'm afraid that will die.

As my final farewell to you,

I'll give you one last opportunity

to prove you are a Gadbury.

And if not, your sweet half baby sister

will receive my whole fortune.

Maybe by the time you've seen this, you will have-

I've been saving this, my little caliente.

- [Father] Whoa.

- Rapido papi.

(grunting) (sexy music)

- Yes.

(upbeat music)

(victorious music)

- Come on, come on, come on, come on, push yourself.

(victorious music)

Push yourself!

(victorious music)

I want to see them titties

bouncing from your toenails to your temples, tubby.

(victorious music)

Why you stop, man?

- What?

Come on man, it's hot.

- Hot?

Man, check the ladder.

Dang.

(victorious music)

Fuck is he doing?

What is you doing?

- I prefer baseball.

(sighs)

- Lunch porky.

And you!

Whatever it is you selling, I ain't buying.

- I ain't selling, I'm serving.

- What the fuck is this?

This bitch open my mail.

- Pay your house payment, you broke bitch.

- What is this?

- But I will get away with it.

My brain is a catalog of Datelines and 48 Hour Mysteries.

(speaking in foreign language)

That's right bitch, I'm drowning you.

That's my money, my inheritance, every single penny of it.

You little bastard.

That's my money, you're not getting any of it.

- Drowning me again, puto?

- Did you know about the tape?

Why didn't you tell me?

(speaking in foreign language)

- Because you're a piece of shit that only took from dad.

He didn't want you to have that money.

You don't even deserve it.

- That's not true.

I'm the true heir to the Gadbury throne.

- You never even went on the ice to throw with us.

Do you even curl?

- It's in my blood.

- Okay, so when's the last time you went on the ice?

Exactly, I thought so.

You were too busy fucking your mattress

and eating your damn Twinkies

to be part of the family business.

- That's not true.

It's all mine.

- Listen up dipshit,

the lawyer is here and needs you to sign some papers

so you're aware of the terms, okay?

So you're gonna get ready,

you're gonna meet me in the office

'cause Brett is waiting for us.

(yelling)

(ominous music)

(speaking in foreign language)

What's taking him so long?

- He's gonna be here, don't worry about it.

- Look at him.

- What?

You know I have low blood sugar?

- Gordon, shut up and sign the papers.

- Gordon.

I'm here to explain the conditions of the trust.

Your father left explicit instructions

that upon his death

the only way to receive your inheritance,

which is valued at $125.8 million,

is if you lead a curling team

to the regionals of the Olympic trials.

That is the good news.

- Then what's the bad?

- The bad is the qualifiers for the regionals

its in one month.

- What?

- Looks like you better get going.

(tense music)

- How in the world am I gonna put together a team this fast?

- Gordon, I can be of service if you need.

- How's a blow job gonna help me

put together an all area curling team?

Couldn't hurt.

- I meant with teammates.

I happen to know a couple of unemployed curlers in the area

who'd be available for the right price.

- Money is no object.

- Done.

I'll get in touch with you, okay?

- Thank you. - No problem.

- Fat boy, this is $45.

- With the promise of a million.

- How?

- All we have to do is get to the regionals,

expose my sister for the fraud she is

and the $125 million is mine.

- That shit is a month away.

- We better get to it then.

- Get yo ass out my house.

The bee don't get out the bed for less than,

let's think $1,500.

- Tell you what?

$1,000 a week.

- Cash only tubby.

- I'll get you your money.

(women yelling)

Who is that?

- Oh that's Gerri Redding.

- Let me be.

Get off me, get off me.

Get off me.

- Gerri Redding,

the first female drafted to the NFL.

- NFL?

- Professional football, man.

- We didn't watch the sports of the commoners.

- Well, right after she was drafted, she went crazy,

drugs, hookers.

She didn't even get to play a game.

- Where can I find her?

- County fool.

(mysterious music)

- Are you the one that bailed me out?

- Yes.

- Listen, I appreciate it and all,

but I don't get down like that.

- I'm sorry?

- With dicks, your dick.

I'm not gonna suck it or nothing.

This is a no dick zone,

not here, not here, not here, not nowhere.

- No, if I wanted a blowjob

I'd get a much better looking guy.

This is strictly professional.

Have you ever thought

about playing a true professional sport?

- Man I ain't got time for the bullshit today.

- Listen, I'm giving you the opportunity

to elevate your physical prowess

to play a sport of the gods, curling.

- Man, let me get out of this bitch.

I'm out.

(upbeat music)

- Oh that looks like a good site.

Wow, she's pretty.

(upbeat music)

She sweeps like an angel.

Hello Amor.

I have a proposito for you.

(upbeat music)

Pop!

Pop!

Pop!

- Geraldine, why you sneak in my house like that?

- I been calling your name.

- I'm trying to get a little shut eye

for my studio session tonight.

What's wrong, baby girl?

(sighs)

- I need your help.

You know the training ain't going like as planned.

- You mean them fucked up tires in the yard?

No shit.

- They about to take the house.

- You had it all, first woman in the NFL

and you had to fuck it up

with them phat asses and blunts.

- I ain't come here to get a lecture from black country.

- Yeah, I'm singing country music.

I'm 'bout to change the game, just like-

- Ray Charles?

You ain't no Ray Charles.

- Damn right.

He's six feet under and I'm still standing.

I would love to help you

but I got all my money tied in the video shoot next month.

I spent my life on your dreams.

Now I got to do mine, Geraldine.

Now just listen to my new song.

♪ Come on home little darling I love ♪

Damn Geraldine, I was just getting to the good part.

- Man, I'll listen later.

- As soon as this gets sold,

we gonna be back on top, I'm telling you.

- Man whatever.

(upbeat music)

- What the?

Hell no.

(speaking in foreign language)

- Who you calling limp?

Your mama.

(speaking in foreign language)

- Yo, yo, shut the fuck up.

- You made it!

- Yeah, I made it, we good.

That direct deposit went through.

Gordo, what the fuck?

This is wood.

(speaking in foreign language)

- Gordo is a bit harsh, don't you think?

(speaking in foreign language)

- Why are we practicing wood?

- It's an old Gadbury secret.

If you can practice on wood, the ice is a breeze.

- That's the stupidest shit I ever heard.

I'm out.

- I guess you could send that money back then, huh?

It's not just about hitting the bullseye.

It's about keeping the other team out of here as well.

- Fat boy, I'm the black curling world champion.

Give me the God damn broom.

- Well who's gonna throw the stone?

(speaking in foreign language)

- You better float your ass down the wood.

(sighs)

(speaking in foreign language)

- I don't know.

Let me take care of him though.

Gordo, I'll throw the stones for now

but we need to find somebody ASAP, cool?

I got some cookies in the back for you too.

Come on, pep up, Gordo.

(mysterious music)

(crowd applauding) (dramatic music)

(upbeat music)

- Who are these people?

- Well you know the beached whale

and that half naked gentlemen got suspended for three years

for selling trades to the Canadians.

And well that, that's the help.

(clapping)

Well done, tons of fun.

Looks like you're just one practice away

from world domination.

- Eat a shit sandwich, Smellsmerelda.

- Oh, touchy big brother,

being poor is keeping you up at night?

- Hey Gordon, sorry to disturb practice.

- Why do you even hang out with my sister, Brett?

- Well I, I work for her.

- They used to call her a gang banger

and not 'cause she reps a set.

- Can we get on with it?

- As part of the agreement,

you are to cease and desist all use of family funds.

- What?

- Oh, you haven't told your little butt buddies

that you're poor?

(speaking in foreign language)

The man is poor meaning zippo, zero, nada.

I will circumcise you again.

- Do you understand these conditions?

- Yes.

- Okay, can we go now?

(dark music)

No

I can't stand him.

Nice pooch.

- Don't let this outfit fool you.

I'll snatch your life, rich bitch.

(dark music)

- That was awesome.

- Man, let's hurry up and get this show on the road.

Your girl baking bread down here.

(dark music)

- Make sure that linebacker bitch doesn't get in my way.

- I know she played a little linebacker in high school.

(speaking in foreign language)

- How are you?

- I'm doing well, thank you.

- I was just looking over these plans

and we're soon gonna have the premier curling facility

in the world right here in South Florida.

And it's all thanks to your beautiful,

generous $100 million donation.

- Commissioner Pottinger, you are too kind.

I would be remiss if I didn't give all that I have

to the curling community here

after all it's done for my family.

- Well, I can't thank you enough.

- What am I 'posed to do?

- I love your enthusiasm.

Everything you need to know

is right here in this instructional video.

(upbeat music)

- That's some bullshit.

- Come on, let's go, you got this.

(upbeat music)

All right, there you go, remember your form.

(upbeat music)

(grunting)

(upbeat music)

(grunting)

(upbeat music)

(speaking in foreign language)

- Gerri, you got a minute?

- What?

- Look, I know practice

didn't go as well as you would've liked but-

- But nothing.

We suck. I suck.

- If you want, we can stay late and I'll help you practice.

- Nah man, I got to find a job, Gordo.

Man, I got problems.

This is fine and all,

but if I don't work, I don't eat.

- Look, I know this isn't much-

- No man, no, I can't.

- Listen, if we're gonna win this thing,

I need you here and here.

- Are you sure?

- If it'll keep you focused and off the streets then...

(upbeat music)

- Have you ever felt like magnetically involved

with another?

Exactly.

Are you gonna tip me for a dance or what?

- Did you even dance?

- Yeah, five or six dances ago.

Look, I'm gonna be up there soon.

Just give me a few dollars

and I'll just consider it down payment.

- Hell no.

- You're not gonna invite me for a drink?

- No.

(speaking in foreign language)

- I've been cooling over here by myself vibing.

Get the fuck out my booth.

- Okay, okay, leaving.

(slurping)

- Bitch, what the fuck is you doing?

(coughing)

- Excuse me, you got a problem here?

- She offered me a drink

and then she got crazy.

- Man, she drank out of my bottle.

- You can't be threatening the dancers.

- Man.

(grunting)

I just-

- What the fuck was that?

I already bailed you out once

and now I got to bail you out again

'cause you punched a stripper in the face?

- First off, I aint punch nobody.

- Look, it doesn't even matter.

We don't have to be friends.

We don't even have to like each other.

Once we win the regionals, you're off the hook,

but I'm not bailing you out again.

You call yourself an athlete?

- What you say?

- We're a week away from this match

and you're still sweeping like a light skin.

- Can you even wrap those thick ass fingers

around a broom and sweep?

- I'll wrap my hands around your peanut head you

(speaking in foreign language)

- Y'all break that shit up.

- This the most hood shit

I ever been a part of.

You thought you was gonna teach this how to throw.

- What that posed to mean?

- It's cool, you made the league barely.

To be a curler,

you need heart

and the whole world know you don't have that.

(grunting)

- Ooh, ooh, ooh.

- Gerri, no, Gerri come on.

I need him, I need you both.

Gerri, I need you both.

[shouting]

For the love of the broom!

- Get up off me, sasquatch.

I'm out of here, Gordo.

I'mma go home, get my dick sucked,

eat some cereal, get a manicure and count some money.

Teach these scrubs how to throw.

- And make sure you grow,

short ass bitch. - Fuck you.

- Man, I'm outta here, I'm tired.

- Gordon, good to see you.

- [Gordon] You too.

- Your sister was just telling me about the

eclectic team that you've assembled.

- Fucking trash.

- I'm trying out a new type of athlete

for this year's games.

- That team of yours

is only going to bring down our family name with that hooker

and that manimal you have.

- Eat shit.

- Hey Gordon.

- She is a bastard.

My old man was banging the maid when-

(speaking in foreign language)

- Really?

- Well, I guess I have to thank you as well

for the generous donation.

- No, no, no, no need to thank him.

He's done nothing.

- I took a shit in your bathroom, no flush.

It was Taco Tuesday.

- Gordon.

Well, if that's everything, I've got to get back to work.

So we'll be seeing you at the regionals.

- Thank you commissioner. - Thank you commissioner.

- Gordon.

- Thank you.

- Wait, you did wash your hands, right?

(mysterious music)

- Get a good night's rest.

You're gonna need all your strength for tomorrow's match.

- Yeah, whatever.

- Can I give you a ride somewhere?

♪ So come on home, little darling ♪

♪ I love you

♪ I didn't mean to make you cry ♪

♪ I know I drink and gamble and run around town ♪

♪ But my little darling, I'm gonna settle down ♪

Glad you could make it, Geraldine.

- What's good, pops?

How's it going?

- 'Bout finished up now.

On the last scene.

This is my partner, Anna.

- Hi I'm Coach Gordon.

- God damn, you mighty piggly mother fucker.

- Well it takes one to know one.

(laughing)

- Thanks for giving baby girl

another shot at the big game.

- You coming out for the big match?

- Never missed any of her games, not gonna start now.

I've got to get back to work.

So I'll catch up with you guys later.

Alright.

(country music)

- I want to thank you again for a delightful performance.

- I'm glad y'all made it.

- You know, that Gerri's really something special.

- One of the best athletes I ever seen.

That's no lie.

But you know what they say?

Pussy is a mother fucker's quickest downfall.

Take care of my girl, all right?

She's an asshole I know,

but there ain't nothing she can't do

if she put her mind to it and that include

- Curling.

- Curling?

When they sweeping on ice and shit?

(laughing)

That ain't no sport.

I met as well get my fat ass out there and do it.

- Please do me a favor

and get her home soon

so she can be on time for the match tomorrow.

And Gerri, eight a.m., don't forget.

(upbeat music)

They're late.

And where have you been?

(speaking in foreign language)

- Fuck man, this is America, speak English.

(speaking in foreign language)

- This is Miami.

(speaking in foreign language)

- Where are you?

(speaking in foreign language)

(alarm blaring) (ominous music)

- Those bitches robbed me!

Fuck!

Shit!

(dramatic music)

- What the hell?

- Man, bitches ain't shit.

- Hey, nice tits, Gordo, long time, no see.

- Who's this fuck boy?

- Woah, I don't want any beef with you, sir.

- Sir?

- This is the captain of the All Curl Revue,

our opponents today.

- So maybe afterwards

I might let you take this for a spin.

- I gotta a spin for your ass.

- [Brett] Gordon!

- Give me a minute.

(ominous music)

- I have to say that I am truly disappointed in you.

- What did you do?

- Just told them about your little scam.

Paying players in an amateur tournament.

(speaking in foreign language)

Shame on you.

- And I was truly rooting for you, Gordon,

but this is disgraceful.

You've got 15 minutes find a new player

or you're gonna have to forfeit.

(ominous music)

- What did you do?

- What the fuck you done did now?

(speaking in foreign language)

- I had to come clean, Gordo, my bad.

- My bad, what?

- What's going on?

- Rico just got disqualified.

(speaking in foreign language)

- No, your money just got us disqualified.

- What did my sister give you?

(mimics buzzing)

You knew how much this meant to me.

- Got a way better deal though.

- Better deal, huh?

[punch]

- What is happening here?

- That beast just physically assaulted someone.

- [Gerri] Bitch!

- The whole team should be disqualified.

- Call me out my name again

and yo ass gon' be next.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Enough is enough, okay?

It's time.

Either you have a third party or you're disqualified.

(dramatic music)

- I'm gonna get you bitch.

(suave club music)

- Come on, you got this.

(club music)

- I put the faith on you.

- Fuck up dem gigalos!

- Go soft and try to split their stones

and try to knock their top one out of place.

And Nina, sweep hard to the left

so that the stone picks up any speed.

Got it? - Okay, okay.

(club music)

- Eat shit, gigolos.

(club music)

(cheering)

(club music)

- Come on, Geraldine, get it going.

- Practice run.

It's okay Nina.

(speaking in foreign language)

- Me?

(speaking in foreign language)

- You're sweeping is embarrassing.

I'm starting to think

your online sweeping business is bullshit.

- Man, how long we gotta do this?

- It's eight rounds.

Didn't you learn anything from that video?

- No.

- Curl harder, curl harder.

(cheering)

(club music)

- You shit gigolo.

(cheering) (club music)

- This is it.

We have to make every point count.

Gerri, you hit it from the inside

and Nina will bring it home for the win.

(club music)

- Fuck up those gigolos.

(club music)

- Now those guys know how to fucking curl.

- That's some bullshit.

- Well, it was hard fought match.

Good effort.

Anyway, don't hang your head ladies.

Got another two weeks and try it again.

- Who are we playing?

- Only the top team in south Florida.

- The So Flow Curls?

- Who are they?

(speaking in foreign language)

- Only one of the top teams in the country.

They migrated Minnesota to South Florida

during the cold winter of 2000.

- And they haven't lost a match in 20 years. (laughs)

- You know every time you open your mouth

I want to knock your teeth out, bitch.

(speaking in foreign language)

- Can I borrow you for a minute?

- Of course.

- Eight o'clock tomorrow morning.

- And how are we supposed to beat them?

- Faith.

- Man, get the fuck out.

We done.

- Where have you been?

- Well I had a few errands this morning.

I started with the dry cleaner.

- Zip it.

And you, you were worried.

- Well, I have to admit I was worried

but after watching Gordon and those idiots

I am sure that we're gonna make South Florida

the center of the curling world with his inheritance.

- Hey, is he gonna be okay?

- No, he's entering funnel territory.

- Funnel?

(quirky music)

- Our father was a strict man

and he always pressured Gordon

into taking over the family business.

And when Gordon would disappoint, which was always,

he would turn to the funnel.

(groaning)

- He's gonna die.

- Not soon enough.

(soft music)

(phone ringing)

(groaning)

- Hey.

Who in the hell call somebody

at five o'clock in the morning?

Is somebody dead?

Oh, all right, I'll be there.

Oh shit.

(mysterious music)

- What in the hell are you doing Geraldine?

- Pops, what's good?

Can I get you one of these?

- Girl, ain't you got practice tomorrow?

- Man that shit over.

- Girl, where you get all this money?

- So I called the addiction specialist.

They taught me to control my booty cravings.

- What's wrong with you?

It ain't over.

There's one more game.

- You was there yesterday.

You was there.

We finished.

- When you gonna stop

giving up on yourself before you start?

- Oh so now you care?

Now you want to be a dad?

- I'm always your dad.

- Where was you after the draft?

When I lost everything, where was you?

- You forgot all I did for you?

You made the draft because of me.

- Yeah, you was a good coach or whatever,

but when I needed a dad, you wasn't there.

Man, take your ass home unless you want to pay for this.

- I'll take her home.

- She grown, not my problem anymore.

(speaking in foreign language)

(giggling)

- What is you doing in my house, stripper?

- It's Lola, honey.

- That don't answer why you in my house.

- I told your papa I would take care of you last week

so (giggling)

- A week, last week?

- Yeah, you've been in a coma for 10 days.

I've being here taking care of you.

I wouldn't let anything happen to you.

Okay, mi amor?

- What's going on?

(groaning)

I can't move my legs.

- Oh yeah, you were temporarily paralyzed

but I nursed you back to health.

- Who else in my house?

- Well I had to take the week off to take care of you

so I had to conduct some business out of our house.

And tada!

Ready?

Hop on.

- Bitch, didn't I say I can't move my legs?

(gentle music)

- There you go.

- What these ho's doing in my house?

- I ain't no ho, control your girl.

- Relax.

You, we're guests.

Do not disrespect.

Look, they were gonna take your house.

So me and my girl, we had to make some extra money.

- You're welcome.

- We set up in here.

But don't worry, I locked her bedroom through the parties.

- Parties?

- Big ones.

- Mmhmm, we entertained a couple of times

just to make some money.

I couldn't leave you alone.

I needed to work from home.

- Home?

This my house.

Ain't nobody come by?

- Yeah, your dad, he did come a couple of times.

He actually stayed for the parties.

- Okay hot pudding, let that booty roll.

- And my team?

- About that...

(flushing)

- Thank you for a nice evening.

Why are you so distant?

You were never like this before.

- Man, I was in a coma.

(knocking)

Where's Gordo?

- You lived,

What a shame.

- Move bitch.

- You know you can't roll up into my house like this.

You know my brother's very sick and he can't be disturbed.

- You're gonna let (speaking in foreign language).

- You know you can't help that fat fuck anyway.

- What happened?

- The inevitable, tubo ate himself to death.

- Get up coach, man, we still got work to do.

- Isn't that precious?

(groaning)

- Something's happening.

- Nothing, it's feeding time.

(gentle music)

- Come on, big guy,

I know you in there somewhere.

Wake up!

(groaning)

- Guacamole, is that you?

What happened?

- Just don't move, okay?

Relax.

- Gerri?

- I'm here, coach.

- Coach?

Coach.

(gentle music)

Do something.

No stop, oh my God.

But,

how?

- This ain't my first coma.

Let's get the band back together.

- And how the hell am I supposed to go?

- You'll be walking within five hours max

and don't worry, the night terrors go away in a few weeks.

- He woke up.

I know, the pig in the blanket won't die.

You better take care of him.

If not, the curling center and the money,

it all goes up in smoke.

(dark music)

(upbeat music)

- Nina, we're here to rescue you

from a life of indentured servitude.

(speaking in foreign language)

- It don't look like she want to be saved.

- Human trafficking is no joke.

You of all people should understand that.

- What that supposed to mean?

- We will protect you.

Run to your freedom.

(speaking in foreign language)

- All right,

She won't be needing this.

That's going with me.

- Well that's it, I'm officially poor.

Where do you guys get your food stamps?

- So you just gonna give up?

(speaking in foreign language)

- You know a good restaurant around here?

Last one buys.

Not it.

- Oh, not it.

(speaking in foreign language)

- I think I know a spot.

(mysterious music)

(speaking in foreign language)

- Yeah, pops talked to the owner,

we can practice here.

- Enough grab ass, let's get to work.

(upbeat music)

(groaning)

- Yeah, mother fucker! Yeah!

(upbeat music)

(country music)

What the hell are you doing?

- You bout to be a big sister.

- Are you serious?

- Yes, little mulato on his way.

- Bruh.

- Shit, I still got the thunder.

- Come on, man.

You better sit your old ass down

before you gone through your hip out of place.

- Have a toast with me.

To the family and the fire in my loins.

- Come on, man, it ain't got to be all that.

- Now I know you didn't just come over here

just to have a drink with your old man.

What's on your mind?

- I just wanted to make sure we was good.

- You're an asshole

but you always gonna be my child so we good.

I'm gonna be there cheering you on

like I have all your life.

- Thanks pop.

- You know this don't change things

how I care about you?

- Man, listen, I'm almost 40 years old.

If you want to be running around here

with little jits in your '70s, be my guest.

- Geraldine, you don't understand.

It's nice to have a little love in the house.

Plus, my new medicine

put a little lead back in the old pencil.

- Man, why you?

- We're gonna give those misfits a good spanking,

South Florida style.

- And what do you think about that?

- I think it's blasphemy

It's a mockery of a good sport

and they think that they can just show up

and learn how to sweep in a few weeks.

And that football player, Gerri, is it,

what cage did they find her from?

- Gerri, go back to the black sports.

- That was a tad racist.

Back to you, Ted.

- What the fuck they talking 'bout?

- Beat their mother fucking ass tomorrow, Geraldine.

(whimsical music)

- Let me guess. - Geez.

- You slept walked into the kitchen again?

- I had a light dinner.

- Mmhmm.

- What are you doing up?

- Somebody in this family has to put in some actual work

while you eat yourself to death.

- Ugh, I've had enough, I'm going to bed.

Good luck tomorrow, loser.

- Bitch.

(tense music)

A land deal with Commissioner Pottinger?

South Florida Curling Complex?

(tense music)

What are you doing here?

- I can't wish my brother good luck?

Look, it's a big day and all

and I thought that you should have dad's curling broom

for the big match.

- Aw.

- Nighty night, big brother.

You will not fuck this deal up for me.

(upbeat music)

(gentle music)

(speaking in foreign language)

- Whatever the fuck you said.

Oh hey pops.

- Ain't mine.

- What?

- That baby.

I made sure of that.

I only do anal at the strip club.

- I'm not pregnant, okay?

I'm here with mi amor.

- My Geraldine?

- Yeah, we just had a connection, you know?

And the sex, and the sex is-

- Not another damn word.

- Like father, like daughter.

- What the shit is this?

We curling on the soccer field now?

(speaking in foreign language)

- Man, how long you been in America?

You don't speak English yet?

(speaking in foreign language)

- The fuck?

What is you doing here?

- Hi, mi amor.

I'm working the day shift so I thought

I'll take my break to watch you play.

- Oh no.

- Geraldine, you up with this ho?

- I ain't no ho, okay?

I've changed since we've been living together.

- Geraldine, you've got this ho up in your house?

- Our house.

I pay the rent.

- Good luck this afternoon.

Where's cankles?

- He'll be here.

- One can only hope so.

- Yeah, she's a diddy bitch.

(upbeat music)

- God damn Nazis are coming.

(flushing)

(farting)

(clears throat)

- There you are.

So is everything in order?

- You have nothing to worry about.

Let's just you say Gordon is dead tired.

- Perfect.

- [Female] I think he looks

really cute in yellow. That's what I think.

Where's your portly third member?

Or is this on the team now?

- This?

I have a pistola in my bolsa, little bitch.

- Mmm, gang violence in curling,

that's a first.

- Oh he'll be here.

- He better hurry, the match is about to start.

Although it won't matter.

Afterwards, I'm gonna have

your little lady friend here deported.

- Que?

- Adios muchachos.

- Man, fuck these clowns.

(tense music)

(sniffing)

- Help, help, help!

- Pop, we can't find Gordon.

- He probably dead.

- Man, why would you say that?

- A man that big.

- Pop.

Aight, I'll go check on him.

- I'll drive.

I know where he stays.

Got to make sure mi amor is fine.

- Y'all hurry up, hurry up, come on.

Damn, man.

- So hungry.

- God, hurry it up there.

- I'm going.

- I see lights coming.

- Help, I'm in here!

- Hurry up.

You know I'm black as night.

They done called the police already.

- I'm doing it.

Just relax.

Yes, yes.

- I'm in here!

Get these things off me.

Thank God.

- There we go.

(groaning)

(tense music)

- Well ladies, can't hold this match up any longer.

If Gordon is not here in the next five minutes,

got to forfeit the match.

- What's the concern everyone?

- I know you did this, you raggedy ass bitch.

- I have no idea what you're talking about.

- I'm gonna knock your ass out

before the day over with, believe that.

- I'm so scared.

- Let's not do that. - Wait, wait, I'm here.

(victorious music)

- Mmhmm.

(laughing)

- He ran out of time as he ran his fat ass from the car.

Commissioner, call the match.

- I'm here.

I'm here.

I'm (barfing)

- What the fuck?

Someone clean this up.

- It's only bacon, it'll come right out.

- Oh God damn it.

- I'm ready.

- Well, I guess the match is on.

(upbeat music)

All right, here we are.

Now you know the rules.

Great Gadbury's,

if you lose this match,

you are eliminated and will not move on to regionals.

So Flow Curls, are you ready?

- Yeah.

- Great Gadbury's, are you ready?

- [All] Yeah.

- Hell yeah.

- All right, well let's get ready to curl.

- Hoes before bros. (laughs)

- That ain't even how that shit go.

(clock ticking) (tense music)

- Now, I grew up with these D-bags.

Let's try to block 'em at the top of the bullseye

and we've got a chance.

- Now you now you ain't grow with these kids

with your old ass

but it's good to have you back, Gordo.

(speaking in foreign language)

Break!

(tense music)

- Come on girls, there's still time.

I know we can do this.

We've practiced so hard.

- All right, everyone.

That's half time.

Take 10.

- Save the embarrassment and quit now.

There's no turning back after this.

- Gadbury's never quit.

- Save that talk for the soup kitchen.

- Come on girls, I know we're down, but-

- We done.

They some real white boys,

we can't beat that.

- We just have to have some faith.

(groans)

(farting)

- Party time.

(tense music)

(pooping)

(gunfire blasting)

(groaning)

(gunfire blasting)

(groaning)

(gasps)

- His dick.

Sven's dead.

Oh my God, something happened to him, he's dead.

- What the hell?

- What's going on?

- This isn't good.

- So what do we do?

- Well I,

So Flow Curlers, if you don't have another player then

you're gonna have to forfeit.

- What do you mean?

Sven is dead.

Who would do that?

- No, no, no, no, no, we need to reschedule.

You need to reschedule the match.

- No, I understand but curling waits for no one.

So the winner who goes on to the regionals is

the Great Gadbury's.

- What, I couldn't hear you?

- I said the Great Gadbury's?

(cheering) (upbeat music)

- You animals, he's dead.

(cheering)

- This cannot be happening.

- I'm rich.

- We got it all, all our money, that's mine.

(speaking in foreign language)

- Yes.

- Gordon, this is for you.

(tense music)

- Where the fuck have you been all day?

- Funny story-

(shushing)

- That shit don't happen in black sports.

(ominous music)

- Son, I'm assuming you failed

to complete the task I gave you

so I sent in a spy to assure your win.

You're too important to the Gadbury name to be a loser.

If any nefarious activity took place,

you will find in the safe a signed pardon

by my pal Ronald Reagan.

The fortune is yours, Gordon, all of it.

I'll be damned if I let a fat backside

and a tongue that rolls her R's,

oh those R's,

damned if I let that spoil the Gadbury name.

You're an idiot but you're my fat idiot.

- Papa.

- My final order of business,

get that maid's daughter off the premises immediately.

The Gadbury's get blackmailed by no one, no one.

We do the blackmailing around here

and don't you ever forget it.

- I miss you so much.

(upbeat music)

- This is ridiculous.

I demand to return to my house now.

- Not so fast, little sis.

- What is that supposed to mean?

- As of five minutes ago,

Gordon is officially sole heir of the Gadbury throne.

This includes his $125.8 million and all other assets.

- Oh, Gordo, you are rich.

You better share.

- You speak English?

- Yeah.

- What about me?

- I regret to inform you your father left you with nothing.

- You broke.

(laughing)

- What?

(speaking in foreign language)

- So she broke?

- And what are you gonna do about it?

(speaking in foreign language)

(laughs)

(upbeat music)

(cheering) (ominous music)

- Oh shit.

That big bitch.

I will have my revenge.

(upbeat music)

♪ Lord of mercy

(singing in foreign language)

♪ What's your name

♪ I don't know

(singing in foreign language)