Original subtitles

(upbeat music)

- [Narrator] In the year 2044,

advanced artificial intelligence robots

drained the earth of her natural resources,

leaving the ones thriving planet a baron shell.

A drift in space.

The human race fights its toughest battle ever,

for survival.

A Chinese clone of the 45th US president Donald J. Trump

survives the earth destruction

by escaping his maximum security lab.

His Petri dish grown body

fused with the latest AI technology

possesses eternal life and large hands.

During his escape from earth

Trump's ship crash lands on Mars.

Unable to leave he exists for a thousand years

on a barren prison planet of his own making.

- [Aleister] At long last I Aleister Crowley,

have ascendent to the only position worthy

of a ceremony magician of my formidable caliber.

Today I stand before the patron god of the afterlife.

Not merely as an acolyte.

Poet, painter, novelist, mountaineer

great beast.

I stand in this hallowed crept.

The Leader of the Illuminati army.

And as such, I consult with the oldest Egyptian god.

Not as an acolyte but as an equal.

Great god Anubis leader of lost souls.

Your legacy and the reverence your name commands,

is indeed to be admired.

The trappings of your palatial gripped

brings me great comfort.

May your words bring me greater insight.

- [Anubis] Aleister Crowley you are worth the magical roams

most degenerate practitioners,

and a true spirit on the living.

- Thank you Anubis.

And as the head of the fearsome

yet unseen Illuminati,

your name and this hallowed ground are forever safe with me.

- Spoken like a true believer Crowley

yet there exists other concerns

that will soon en crouch upon your comfort.

- Other concerns?

Such as?

- [Anubis] Such the prophecy which tells of a rise

of the spoiler of the illuminati rein.

- Spoiler?

Who would dare oppose us?

Who?

What has mortal fear of being hung from the highest tree.

Then drawn and quartered by stampeding stallions.

Being sliced from ((indistinct)) to groin

and put to bed with hungry rats.

Being boiled alive in a fitted brew of inert.

Who?

- [Anubis] The one they call Trump is who.

- [Aleister] Trump?

You mean the worst,

most narcissistic buffoonish president

in the history of the United States of America.

The sitting tyrant who cavalierly precipitated

the devastating nuclear war

that humanity dreaded for so long.

- [Anubis] It is not the notorious Trump you speak of

that posses this threat.

It is the Chinese clone of his DNA

Who's shall rise to kill lucifer and destroy the Illuminati.

- [Aleister] His clone?

You got to be kidding me.

There's another Trump?

Well, leave it to the Chinese.

- [Anubis] Do you expect anything less

from the land of wet workers?

Be warned Crowley the new trump is out there.

Only he is brush enough to stand up to the emperor lucifer,

and when he does, the Illuminati silent control

of the living world will end.

- Not if I have anything to say about it.

Thy will is the whole of the law,

and thy will shall be done.

(upbeat music)

(rover engine)

- [Trump] Mars, what's it good for?

Absolute shit.

But this dusty waste land been home for 999 earth years.

Long enough to make anyone lose their mind.

Am I of sound mind or have I lost my head?

Cracked up, gun bunkers, lot of blood.

I mean it, how would I even know if I had.

There are things I remember.

Snippets, dream images,

feeling traces of a life before this one.

Life in a different world.

On a different planet.

(upbeat music)

I was born as some would say created.

Some would say recreated.

Nearly a thousand years ago in a top secret lab in China.

I so remember the sites.

Faceless scientists with movements,

as mechanical as the machines they operated.

Gloved hands poking and prodding at will.

For the first year of life.

I never looked into another pair of eyes

that weren't hidden behind goggles or a mask.

I'd never touched another human

that wasn't under a layer of latex protection.

It wasn't so bad.

I didn't want to see those assholes anyway.

They engineered me in a Petri dish.

Wired my lab grown body with the latest AI technology

and gave me eternal life.

But Immortality is not all that good attempt to me.

When the great war began,

it's spelled doom for the earth and its civilizations.

But for me, it was the beginning.

In all the chaos, I broke out of that lab and got away.

The others perished in the flames of a war

they ultimately helped ignite

and turned a blind eye to.

And their secrets died with them,

all except me.

It wasn't hard to lay low when the war raged.

People were busy trying to survive,

trying to save themselves.

Buying toilet paper like there was no tomorrow.

I saw my namesake

assassinated in cold blood with extreme prejudice

and just as well.

Soon enough, I made it to Wincheng

and hide out on a cargo hold of a space shuttle

and blast off that radioactive rock

before it all went to hell.

Now I'm here, crash landed on Mars of all fucking places.

The days are hot, the nights are frigid.

I have no clue how to make this spaceship operational again,

and no tools to fix it if I did.

I like being left alone.

But a thousand years without a single visitor

leads to a lot of drunk phases on rocks

and talking to yourself,

I'll tell you that.

These Dusty rocks are my friends.

And the major.

He is a stranded astronaut, kind of like me.

He found my radio frequency and we struck a rapport.

Only he's slipping, whereas I've been keeping it together.

Clone DNAs devil stuck maybe.

Space time slowed the major's metabolism way down.

But we both know he's dying.

It's been a few days.

I should see how he's doing out there.

(com ringing)

- What up money?

- Ground control to major Tom.

- I'm re watching the 2003, miss universe pageant.

all these old discs still play.

Hey, tell me the truth man.

How many of these broads

did you grab by the pussy?

- Technically I didn't grab anyone's pussy Tom.

I'm not the Donald, I'm just a Donald.

- Oh yeah I forgot.

Well, you got the same DNA, right?

So you must remember something.

Which one of these pussies would you grab,

if you could grab one?

- [Trump] I don't think too much about grabbing pussies,

believe it or not.

- No, I don't believe it.

- [Trump] It's true at this point.

I'd settle for just seeing a woman.

I think that'd be nice.

- [Tom] Yeah, tell me about it.

They parade all over the place

On this little screen.

I can't keep my hands off myself.

- [Trump] TMI Tom ,TMI.

- [Tom] Yeah, whatever.

Hey, I'm thinking of calling in the bet

on the fights this weekend.

What can you tell me about that Tyson kid?

- [Trump] Tyson kid?

You mean Iron Mike, he retired over a thousand years ago?

- [Tom] Retired?

He's 20 years old for Christ's sake.

I just saw you guys on TV together.

- How you feeling Tom?

Have you had anything to eat today?

- No, can't remember the last time I ate.

That's cool though.

I don't feel hungry no more

just comfortably numb.

- Well nice talking to you major.

Let's touch base again soon.

- [Tom] You said touch base space humor,

I like that.

- [Trump] Shall long Tom.

- See you Mr. President.

- [Trump] Every time I talk to the major,

he gets a little worse,

a little less coherent.

I don't know how much longer he has,

but I know one of these days he won't be here anymore.

Tom has been the only voice that I've heard

besides my own since I've been on Mars.

I don't know what I'd do without it.

Keeping him grounded has also helped me stay grounded.

When he goes, maybe I'll start to slip too.

Maybe it'll be for the best.

Hello?

Can you hear me?

Is there anyone out there?

I repeat is anyone out there?

- [Varuna] Mr. Trump are you there?

- Who said that?

- [Varuna] My name is Varuna

and I've come a long way to meet you.

You're not an easy clone to find.

- This is it.

I'm cracking up just like Tom.

- [Varuna] This is not your imagination Mr. Trump.

We're talking through your audio intercom.

I'm here at your base right outside.

It's safe., the sun is up.

Why don't you come say hello?

- Okay.

(engine roaring)

(upbeat music)

- [Varuna] My god your face.

You're the spitting image of him.

How are you Donald?

- Call me Trump.

- Very well.

I see you've carved out a life for yourself here on Mars.

- If that's what you want to call it.

Who are you?

- [Varuna] I'm Queen Varuna leader of the Atlantean army.

- The Atlantean?

Strong fighters.

- We've heard of you to Trump.

- Why are we talking?

- I have information I'd like to share with you.

- I don't make deals, that was the other guy.

- [Varuna] This isn't a deal.

You have no choice in the matter.

- No?

Then fuck off.

- Something told me you'd be friendlier,

after so much time alone.

- You shouldn't listen to those voices in your alien skull.

- [Varuna] I don't, but I do listen to ancient prophecy.

And this prophecy four tells

one strong and honest warrior

who can destroy the oppressive force

known as the Illuminati.

It's leader, Aleister Crowley

and it's overlord Lucifer himself.

- And who may that be?

- That's you.

- Me?

Not interested.

- Is that your answer?

- Answer to what?

- Your destiny is calling.

No one escapes destiny you know.

- Well I did it twice.

I escaped a Chinese laboratory

and I escaped from earth.

- But you haven't escaped from Mars

and you won't escape the prophecy.

- I don't know what you're trying to do here Queeny

but you got the wrong guy.

- [Varuna] We're still at war Donald.

The allied forces are battling the Illuminati army

in every corner of the universe.

And you can tip the scale.

- Me?

I don't give a fuck about your war or your prophecy.

- [Aleister] Commander Comrade.

what is this pressing news

you have for me that cannot wait?

Until after our (indistinct) ceremony are concluded.

- My apologies for interrupting Aleister.

But our radar has detected unusual surface activity on Mars.

I thought you should know at once.

- Surface activities?

On mars?

That's the harshest terrain around.

It's barely inhabitable.

This may be the harbor of destruction

that Anubis warned me of.

- Should we move in and check it out?

- Yes commander.

Send Anubis armed search party to set up camp on mars.

Once they've secured the surface

I'll go hunting around for myself.

- Will do sir.

- The Illuminati is at a crucial junction commander.

We now tilt at on the edge of a percussion presimese.

Dispatch the search team

then return to my chambers immediately.

I wish to use this seminar intention

to conclude my sex magic with you in person.

- Yes, Aleister.

I'll be there shortly

and I eagerly await your instruction.

- I know you do commander.

I know you do.

(snoring)

- Ivanca, Ivanca

another vivid dream, the sites, the suns, the feelings.

So foreign yet so familiar.

Like a ghostly echo.

The life that once was.

(engine roaring)

What the hell is that?

I don't really care for this certain uptake in activity

around here.

When did mars become such a popular destination?

If it's that Atlantean queen

coming back to pitch me on joining her fight again.

Maybe I'll just plant a pick Axe between her eyes.

- Our team has landed on Mars as you instructed Aleister.

Come first light they'll commence a thorough surface search.

- Excellent commander Conrad.

Relay my order that any living beings

are to be executed on site.

Their carcasses bring back to me to be defiled.

Unless they find one Donald Trump.

Him, I want taken alive.

(upbeat music)

- Update me Commander.

What is the status of the Mars search team?

- Well, I've not been able to reach the teams.

Since our last transmission Aleister.

- You've not been able to reach them?

What kind of an Illuminati

do you think am running here commander?

- A strong one.

A mighty one.

A fearsome one

No one in their right mind

wouldn't dare cross the Illuminati army Aleister.

Maybe it's a technical issue.

Mars is pretty spotty service.

- Spotty?

I'll show you the true meaning of spotty.

Those soldiers will understand Solitude

when I frog their greased naked asses.

Ready the star cruiser

and assemble my security detail commander yourself included.

We are going to mars.

- What the fuck's going on around here.

Those soldiers last night

weren't here to steady insects and collect rocks,

I know that much.

They were clandestine, highly trained

armed to the teeth.

sooner rather than later,

whoever sent those guys is going to realize they're MIA.

Then my guess is, all hell's gonna break loose around here.

And I'll be right in the cross hairs.

Maybe queen Varuna is not behind this.

Maybe she was telling the truth

and this God forsaken war is gonna find me

whether I want to fight or not.

She left her contact information.

What could it hurt?

You there Queeny?

Come in.

- [Varuna] I'm here DJT.

- [Trump] Call me Trump.

- I'm surprised to hear your voice

after the way our last meeting ended.

Is everything all right?

- If you call a pile of dead lizard creeps

in a walk in freezer all right.

- Illuminati foot soldiers.

Are you still on Mars?

- Yeah, but I'm not alone anymore.

- They found you.

You've got to be careful.

However many there were, more will follow.

- Hey relax sweetheart, here they are now.

- [Varuna] What, where?

Are you captured?

- [Trump] No, but seems every time I try to get out.

Some asshole pulls me back in.

I'll work it out.

- [Varuna] I'll notify allied command right away.

Stay strong Trump.

Remember we've got your back.

Trump?

Trump?

- Who might this orange rat be.

- [Trump] You're on my turf rant You tell me.

- [Aleister] Who?

But I asked you first and we make the rules.

- [Trump] What gives you that impression?

- Look at the optics out layer.

We've got the guns

and we've got the numbers.

- [Trump] Well, I've got the money.

- Money?

- You don't think I'd just be sitting here

all by myself on mars with my dick in my hands do you?

- Well tell me more,

or better yet, Show me cocks man

- [Trump] 10 million Japanese yen for the taking.

One of those storage cars over there is full of cash.

That's right and you can have half.

- [Aleister] How generous but out of curiosity,

what would serve us from just killing you

and taking it all.

- Not so fast TT, curiosity killed the cat.

The other car's rigged with enough explosive to

boom obliterate us in the blink of an eye

and turn mars into Stardust.

I'll take the deal, that's why you're here right?

- Wrong.

We're here for you.

Because you are the one aiming to destroy the illuminati.

Isn't that right Donald J. Trump.

- No, just cloned.

- Well I don't care if you are the first

or the 15th generation, you are coming with us.

Turn around and raise your hands.

- If you insist.

Computer play Trump's favorite playlist.

(techno music)

- Pot, Halo Put a vessel on standby and beam Trump up.

I've never seen a shit star like this guy.

- Right away Queen Varuna.

- The Vanguard one is ready to fly queen.

- We must save him.

This may be our last and only chance

to set the prophecy in motion.

- The particle regeneration transporter has a lock on Trump.

- Here goes nothing.

(upbeat music)

- [Varuna] How do you feel Trump?

- Tingly, what the fuck just happened?

- [Varuna] We've materialized you.

In your very own spaceship

and it's Illuminati issue to be incognito.

Welcome to the war.

- Sounds like I just got a raw deal.

Is it too late to tell you to go fuck yourself?

- [Varuna] Way too late.

The prophecy I told you about is real

and it's now in motion.

- So what do we do now?

- [Varuna] Now you go to hell.

- Fuck you bitch.

- [Varuna] Listen Trump.

The prophecy States, you must travel all the way to hell

to face Lucifer and destroy the Illuminati.

- That's long trip.

Who's footing the bill?

- [Varuna] The good guys of course.

Anything you need will be provided by the allies

without question.

How about a fifth of whiskey and a Cuban.

- [Varuna] No, the booze is no problem.

As for the Cuban, do you mean a cigar or a sidekick?

- A cigar, unless your sidekick can deliver

your head on a stick.

- [Varuna] Stogy it is.

- When I get back, I'm going to kill you.

- [Varuna] Lucifer's waiting.

- [Trump] Dig this new technology.

They didn't make him like this when I was on earth.

What does this button do?

It's been a while.

This ships a fine piece of hardware for sure.

More like tasting a smooth eyeball

while tickling the ivories.

With a leggy dame in a red slit dress

stretched out on top of the mahogany grand.

But it might be even finer to turn this cruiser around

and fly off to the grivation nebula

live happily ever after.

which in my case is for fucking ever,

even paradise would get dull.

Fuck it I love a good fight.

Let's see what this prophecy businesses is all about.

Hell you ain't see nothing yet.

- [Princess] You mean to tell me, Donald Trump is alive.

- [Varuna] Not exactly princess Carney.

However, the Chinese clone of Trump is alive and well.

And through him, the prophecy can still be realized.

- This is the best news we've received,

since the Illuminati fled the Milky way to regroup

after losing the battle of the beyond in 2457.

- I agree princess.

This could very well signal the turning of the tide.

- I'm sending my best man,

Jack van Helsing to backup Trump.

Whatever he needs, we'll be there.

Varuna this could finally seal victory for the allies

and ensure the survival of the human race.

- [Varuna] God willing princess, it will.

- [princess] I wanna talk to you.

- [Jack] We've been over this.

- [princess] Over what?

- [Jack] I can't keep it in my pants is what you said.

- [Princess] Was I wrong?

- [Jack] Are you flirting?

- [princess] No.

- [Jack] Then we won't know will we?

- [princess] I need you.

For a mission that is.

- You got me hard for a second there.

- I'm sure One of dr. Jekyll's nurses

can take care of it for you.

- No thanks they're needle happy.

- That's their job.

You have one too.

It would be nice if you focused on it more often,

- What do you need Carney?

- Trump is in the cosmos.

If we can see the way that he gets safe passage to hell,

the prophecy can be fulfilled.

- Trump?

You mean the Donald?

But I thought

- Donald V2.

He's a Chinese lab clone

with the same drive spirit and will as the Donald.

He's been hiding out on Mars.

Now he's ready to go to hell.

- Sounds like a bad deal to me.

- That's not your call.

Trump's flying under the radar in an Illuminati cruiser.

Your ship is fueled and ready.

Rendezvous with him and run interference.

Keep him safe at all costs.

- Is this a suicide mission?

- Make it Whatever you want it to be VH.

just clean up and blast off.

- I prefer to blast off than clean up.

- Your vessels in dock four.

- How about I parked my vessel in your dock when I get back?

- Leave, as soon as you're ready.

- I love it when you talk dirty.

Leave as soon as you're ready.

This perpetual war is getting old.

How much longer can this last anyway?

The Illuminati been gunning for our heads

ever since I can remember.

And I'm a fucking clone myself.

I wonder if the original

Jack van Helsing dealt with this shit.

Mars sounds like a good option to me.

Little peace and quiet.

Shouldn't be too hard

to keep the surface crawlers at Bay.

Bug light or a tiki torch will do the trick.

Maybe I can interest Trump in trading places.

They could fill my spot in the allied army

and I could ease into retirement on the red planet.

I bet he's got sweet digs out there.

The soldier life is getting old.

I can't believe I made it this far.

(upbeat music)

(gun shots)

That day almost ended everything for the allies

and the trapped (indistinct).

I'm still not sure who got the better of it.

Our top command or unit was decimated.

The Traps came real close to being wiped out.

None of us can afford to get that close to the abyss again.

In this game, the price of the fetus extinction.

- [princess] VH report to dock four for duty.

I repeat report to dock for duty.

- I heard you the first time doll.

- Did you see what that son of a bitch

did on mars commander Comrade?

- Clones just can't beam themselves up like that Aleister.

He had help.

- Yes, well, he's going to need a lot more of it.

Am implementing a full scale search and destroy

for Donald Trump.

And any allies who gets in our way in the slightest,

are to be terminate on site.

- Ten four we'll find him in no time Aleister.

He's not only got the most hated face in the universe.

He's got the ugliest.

- stand on just.

- That's right, the bastard can't hide anywhere for long.

We'll have his hide skinned any minute now.

And we won't have to worry about tanning it.

- That's what I like to hear.

Tell me, commander, have you ever consumed human flesh?

I mean, choice cuts seasoned and roasted to perfection.

- I have not.

- [Aleister] You are in for such a delectable treat.

- [princess] Am glad to see you finally took flight VH.

I was the beginning to think you were getting cold feet.

- I had to use the bathroom princess.

- [princess] Fair enough.

Watch your back out there.

I'd like to remind you that the stakes are high.

- Aren't they always?

- Not like this, with Trump in the fray,

we stand a real chance of winning this war

and ushering in an era of peace.

The rest of us fight tooth and nail

for any small victory we can achieve,

but Trump's different.

He's prophesied.

- Let's just hope it turns out better for him

than it did for the original Donald?

- That's why you're in the game VH.

Just remember to keep it in your pants out there all right?

- I'll be fine I'm flying commando.

- Good, sometimes you don't even do that.

I want you to stay focused.

Your goal is to locate the new head of the

Illuminati forces, Aleister Crowley.

and bring him in alive.

- Alive?

What fun is that?

- Just do as I say soldier.

Since the dawn of this good versus evil conflict,

we've wiped out enough Illuminati leaders

to fill a moon graveyard,

but they always grow a new head.

Someone always steps up to take their place

and keep waging war.

This time we're gonna subvert

the Illuminati cause from within.

- What are we talking about?

- A little something Dr. Jekyll's been working on

an experimental serum that can reverse ideologies

and scramble intentions.

- Hell a fifth of bourbon will do that.

- You find Crowley, bring him to headquarters

and he'll be our first test subject.

If we can get him to order his evil forces to stand down

and Trump makes it to hell to realize the prophecy.

This endless war will at last be won.

- I bet I'll get lucky then?

- Help me bring peace to the universe soldier

and I'll give you anything you want.

- That's all you had to say doll.

- Be careful, I want you under the radar

so you won't have backup on this one.

- That's all right.

I have a little insurance policy I can call on,

In times just like this.

- [Varuna] Well, Mr. Trump, I'll admit, I'm a bit surprised

you haven't turned your ship around 180 degrees

and flown off to the (indistinct) Nebula.

- [Trump] I thought about it.

- I'm sure you did.

Just know this.

The prophecy is more important than the life of a clone.

You occupy a very special place

in the history of our universe.

Far more special than your predecessor

who only achieved the 45th presidency

of earths United States.

- What a splash that asshole made.

- Indeed, so imagine the splash you'll make in contrast.

Whereas he was a despised villain.

You'll be a beloved hero.

- [Trump] Well since you put it that way?

Just like my name sake I do what I say I'm gonna do.

I get the job done Queeny,

and no illuminati soldier alive can stop me.

- Delightful Mr. Trump.

Now let's go to war.

- [Lucifer] My wicked Crowley?

- [Aleister] Yes, Lucifer.

Speak to me oh mighty beast.

And your will shall be done through my loyal hands.

- This is to know when the time comes

I shall mobilize all the universe dammed

for an attack unlike any the allies have ever faced,

non will be spared.

The hearts and livers of the hollies shall be spit roasted

in the raging flames of hell for all eternity.

- Let it be known oh mighty lucifer.

That I am forever in your service.

This people and their God are fools.

And like fools they will be driven before you

at the time of your choosing.

This I do solemnly vow.

- Go my son, go and spread hell fire

and in turn your place in hell will be at my feet.

- And what big feet you have my lord.

In the blasphemous Bible's own words.

how at thou fallen from heave, oh Lucifer,

son of the morning.

How at thou cut down to the ground,

which dis weakens the nations.

And now, one would we now march, onward.

Into glorious oblivion.

(soft music)

- [Jack] It looks like I missed a hell of a good time.

Bigfoot always did know how to throw a party.

guess I should come to the debris,

see if he's plastered someplace.

He might need to be rolled over on his side.

Puke asphyxiation is no way for a Sasquatch to go.

- Van Helsing

- Long time no see old buddy.

How's it hanging?

- To the left as always. I'd offer you a drink

but all is left all is left are empties.

Stylishly lead to one thing,

but you missed the bash entirely.

- My bad foot, but, I didn't come to party.

- No?

Why then my dude.

- I'm on a mission,

and I could use a bruiser for backup.

- Bloodshed and mayhem?

Fuck yeah, I'm in.

- I was hoping you'd say that, let's rumble.

(upbeat music).

- When you said let's rumble,

I didn't think navigating the meteor field

is what you meant the VH.

- Relax buddy, I know what I'm doing.

- Good to know.

Cause a navigational error of one millimeter

will implode us in the blink of an eye.

- [Jack] Listen to you, with the big words.

Somebody has been reading the dictionary I sent.

- What can I say?

brute force and big cox used to be the name of the game,

but these days, chicks dig a smart Sasquatch.

- Well, all right, next time I'll send a thesaurus.

Okay, so check it out.

We're sneaking through this meteor shower,

because the electromagnetic

pulses through off radar detection.

We're going to surprise Aleister Crowley,

aboard his own vessel,

right under the noses of his Illuminati army,

and take him into custody.

- Why don't we just smash his fucking head in

like a rock melon on the floor, and be done with it.

- Trust me, I'd like to,

but I have orders to apprehend, not terminate.

- Okay sitter, sitter.

- There it is, Illuminati headquarters is on our screens.

Keep us on course while I hop aboard.

(upbeat music)

- Come on, come on, what the hell is taking so long.

Those Illuminati punks are like all doves.

(upbeat music)

- Sorry about the delay foot,

ran into a little snag, but I took care of it.

If you want to come have some fun,

the loading entrance of the lower orbital segment

is all clear.

I'm approaching the ship's command center now.

- Sounds fun, I'm on my way.

- How did the meeting with Emperor Lucifer go Aleister.

- It went smashingly commander.

Under our Lord's rule,

the glorious new dawn will soon be upon us.

Like a savage dock steed mounting a fairer

and supple maiden in the deep woods,

where no one can see her ravaged, or hear her screams.

- Such a way with words.

- Who's there?

- [Jack] Time's up Crowley.

- How the hell did two allied breach my security?

- It wasn't difficult Crowley,

In fact, I did it all by myself.

- You ought to hired better help than him.

- Kiss my ass Niederthor

- No need for that,

you're on your way to the allied headquarters where?

If you know what's good for you,

you'll do exactly as you're told.

Your ass belongs to us now, Crowley.

- Well, threatened me with a good time stud.

(beeping)

- [Bigfoot] Sounds like they just realized

their leader is gone VH.

They'll be on our tales.

- [Jack] Let them come.

We'll be back behind meteor cover in seconds.

I'm going to tell princess the good news.

(upbeat music)

- Good news princess, we got them.

Crowley's in our cargo hold.

The Illuminati snake is headless.

- Oh, that's great news VH.

The celebrations in order, but the job's not done yet.

First get back here, safe and sound.

- On my way, sweetheart.

- I can't remember the last time you called me that.

- Well, get used to it,

going on another solo mission

makes me remember how special you are Carney.

- Really?

- Really?

- And you work it till I ache when you're on top.

- I know.

- Still humble as ever I see.

- Tell me about it.

- [Trump] And here it is Illuminati headquarters.

Like a flying hornet's nest, some bad evil people in there.

Real horrible low lives.

This is my chance to show the universe that,

even after a thousand plus years,

Trump-mania still alive and kicking.

Get ready to bite at you scum,

here I come.

Suck on that, you corrupt creeps.

(bomb exploding)

Cheers Queeny.

You know, I can use an ally If you could spare one.

- You need only ask Trump, stay strong.

My Atlantean forces are on the way.

- Well, my job's done here, it's break time.

Allied HQ has the best galley in outer space,

their fridge is always stocked.

I smell roast beef, potato salad, lasagna,

I can't wait to sink my teeth in.

- [princess] Welcome to allied headquarters Crowley,

I'd trust the trust the handcuffs weren't too tight.

- Maybe I enjoy myself when they're tight cunt.

- Watch your mouth you little shit,

or I'll fill it with my fist.

- Teasing fun again, bring it on stud.

- [princess] I'll cut to the chase Aleister.

the injection, Dr. Jekyll administered when you arrived,

should be taking effect any minute.

Your job is simple.

Renounced the Illuminati and all its nefarious goals,

and order your army to stand down, immediately.

- Sounds like you need me to play along harlot.

Why should I help you?

- Because you have no choice.

The serum coursing through your veins

is an experimental mood drug,

designed to make you wholly and mean able to suggestion.

No matter how out of character

for your natural inclinations.

- Boil it down bitch.

- One more insult, and I'll hand you your teeth you little..

- Do, as I say quickly,

because you'll do as I say regardless,

then we can rush you back to Jekyll's lab

and he'll inject you with a serum antidote.

- Antidote, why would I need an antidote?

- The drug is highly experimental.

So experimental, in fact that we don't know

it's short term effects on the system.

A large dose will make you say

whatever an engineer wants you to say verbatim.

But, as it cycles through your body,

it may result in sudden death.

- You think I fear death?

I am death, unite me with my master, Lucifer,

and I will return thrice as powerful.

- Well, this could go better.

- Princess Carney Trump is right outside

Illuminati headquarters about to fulfill the prophecy,

but he's under heavy fire and needs assistance.

- Did you shit heads really think it would be so easy?

- It was easy enough to nab you fuck face.

- Send the coordinates and all deploy our

fighter fleet at once Varuna.

We're on our way.

- [Trump] Open wide cocksuckers.

(explosion)

- [princess] Hello, Mr. Trump.

I'm princess Carney Divine,

leader of the intergalactic allied forces.

- Well hello there young lady.

- I'm calling to tell you, my fighters are on their way.

You have our full support.

- Tremendous, see, you look like you have

a badging body under that suit.

How about lunch when this is all over?

- [Varuna] I'm joining the fight Carney.

The Atlantean army is behind me

and we are willing to fight to the death.

- We'll make sure you don't have to, thank you Varuna.

(spaceship engine roaring)

- [princess] Attention, Illuminati army.

This is princess Carney of the allied forces.

You're surrounded. Your command has surrendered.

You've nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide,

Give up peacefully and be spared,

or choose to fight and be blasted straight to hell.

- Is that supposed to be a deterrent?

Slut hell is home to the Illuminati.

We bask in it's firely glow,

warm our toes in it's red hot embers.

- I'll leave the deterring to you Crowley,

it's time for you to address your army.

You know the talking points.

- I seem to have forgotten,

seems your mad doctor isn't all he is cracked up to be.

I think I'll take a nap.

- Let's just beat it out of him.

- Forget it the VH, we gave him a chance.

Let the drug stop his heart.

Meet me in the command center, it's time to finish this.

- I love a good climax.

- I know I'll make sure you have another one

when this is all over.

- [Aleister] You little slut, you're my kind of woman.

Room for a third?

- Fuck off sleaze.

- Dirty talk will get you everywhere stud.

But, best attend to the task at hand.

Mark now the words of the beast,

my minions will not go quietly.

(laughs)

(bomb exploding)

- [princess] Damn it, that was a direct hit,

we can't absorb too many of those.

- [Jack] Look, the Atlantean are here, just in time.

- [princess] We've got to keep the bastards

off Trump's back,

so he can get to hell and realize the prophecy.

- [Jack] Got it, how does one go to hell anyway?

- [princess] The gateway is on our old home planet earth.

- Of course it is.

Listen Trump, the gateway to hell is on earth.

(slow music)

- (indistinct)

listen, my name is a spotty track record that I guy is,

it's mired in lawsuits, bad deals, false accusations,

smear tactics, and threats of all kinds.

- Well from one clone to another, life is what we do today.

- He's right Trump,

And the earth is a shell of its former self,

nothing but a wasteland of crumbling, smoldering artifacts,

with the exception of Dubai.

- Dubai?

- Why was Dubai spared?

- Its the entrance to hell?

- [Trump] That explains a lot.

It looks so tranquil from up here,

you'd never guessed it was a wasteland portal

to the underworld.

Something about this view seems unsettlingly familiar.

Like I've done this before.

Starting in 1949,

top secret international labs transported human being

out to space and back.

Far more than was reported, far more than anyone ever knew.

Whether for purposes suspected or unknown doesn't matter.

By the time the USSR launched Yuri Gagarin

into orbit in 1961,

dozens of human guinea pigs had already been sent up.

Some never returned, some did, and wished they that hadn't.

Trace DNA from these experiments,

still exists in many people.

Silent biological time bombs,

passed down through generations,

but even more for those of us conceive in a Petri dish.

I've always wondered

if Major Tom was a result of this stuff.

if they sent him up and just forgot about him or

pulled the plug on his program,

when the planet went to shit.

He had a thousand years to think about it.

He could have mentioned it anytime he wanted to,

I should have asked, it's probably too late now.

What a strange, strange trip this life is.

(explosion)

- [Jack] Oh shit.

Flight commander Magnus was hit Carney.

He's gone.

- God damn them, these bastards will pay.

All allied fighters listening to the sound of my voice,

unload on the Illuminati mothership,

spare nothing, fire, everything we've got.

- Sounds like my kind type of party.

I'm jumping in the pool VH.

How about some cover fire till I get clear?

- You got it foot.

(upbeat music)

- The stealth fighter launch pad, is cleared for takeoff.

Exiting headquarters, in three, two, one.

- [Trump] There she is.

Sweet mother earth and all her decay.

Ain't we a pair girl?

I don't know who got the raw deal, You or me?

I can't help but question the logic of me running around

with his head on my shoulders.

I'm not exactly incognito.

Maybe a disguise would be best, but where would I find one?

Gonna have to be stealthy, cunning, ruthless.

A downed ship from the great war,

countless lives lost, dreams shattered, hopes destroyed,

this planted never recovered, never bounced back

as promised, but hollow leaders,

my namesake included, another one.

It's crew of piss and vinegar warriors,

sniffed out before their prime,

nothing but names etched on a concrete wall now.

That wall long crumbled,

somewhere in the rubble of earth's ruin.

I wonder if the original Donald Trump

had any concept of the lives

that hung in the balance of his social media storm,

or if he ever even gave a fuck.

New York city.

I'm not that guy.

That wasn't my world, but I still feel a tingle

when I see it.

Smells like victory.

This place has haunted my dreams

ever since I have consciousness.

I guess when it comes to gene splicing,

the apple, doesn't fall far from the tree or does it?

- Hey, you just get in?

- [Trump] Oh yeah. I just got in, you?

- Me?

No, I've had this job 35 years.

Can you believe that?

This very same job.

- [Trump] That's crazy.

- You ain't seen crazy buddy.

The crazies come out at night and they' are off the chain.

Complete control of the underground.

You don't want to be hanging around

when they hit the scene, that's for sure.

They'll kill you and strip you in 10 seconds flat.

- [Trump] I'll keep that in mind.

In the meantime, maybe you could help me.

- Sure, help you with what?

- [Trump] You know anything about the Illuminati?

- The Illuminati?

Nobody crosses the Illuminati.

You cross them once, and then you're dead.

- As per our instructions master.

I have logged all cloned human DNA,

used in the last thousand years,

and initiated copies of copies

to splice the soul out of all remaining living beings.

- [Lucifer] Excellent 9759030,

- For once the human spirit,

human will and human morality are extinguish.

The age of Lucifer can truly begin,

signaling a postmortal godless universe

of hedonism and debauchery,

previously unseen in recorded living history.

- I am honored to be of service master, hail Satan.

(explosion)

- We can't possibly sustain any more structural damage.

It's time to deploy the kamikaze war machine.

Unleash the hammer of God.

- Are you certain princess?

The Hammer of God is annihilate, so is extinguished.

There is no in between.

- Bot is correct princess.

The Hammer of God is the end game.

- The hammer of God?

what titillating weapons you allies possess,

sounds like a penetrating pile drive pulsating version.

May I volunteer?

- Fuck off Crowley.

- I'm trying to.

I love nothing more than destruction, divestment,

and violation of any kind.

Even if it's to my own detriments.

- I won't say it twice Bots, release the Hammer of God.

- [Bot] As you wish princess, may God help us all.

- Comrades the hour of our greatest victory draws near

the head's of our cowardly enemies lies squarely

beneath out sharp teeth and feet.

The soldiers of the Illuminati

are the avengers of the age of Lucifer.

In our hands grasps the constricting throat

of what remains of that miserable race

Know as humanity.

If he is the last remaining mortal

draws their final rested breath.

He alone can occupies the eternal throne

of Kings and Queens.

Then am gonna hang with the mighty angel Satan

our ceremony will be complete

and every Illuminati warrior will unite

in the promise land of hell.

There they will burn brightly as the immortals for all time.

(upbeat music)

- [Lucifer] You again?

- Again, have we met?

- Of course, you were the fastest arrival I've ever had.

And the only person I was glad to see go.

- I always thought this was a one way ticket kind of deal.

Where did I go?

- Obviously, not far enough.

What do you want you arrogant prick?

- You want to talk, Lucifer, I presume?

- That's Emperor Lucifer to you, TJ.

- Call me Trump and listen,

I know am dashing and all, but I'm not who you think I am.

- I know exactly who you are, and what you are.

Unless you believe you are free from consequences as a clone

let me assure you DJ, you are wrong.

- I said call me Trump.

And what happened to you, stab a toe?

- Very funny, smart ass.

If you must know, I lost my legs centuries ago,

in the battle with those pesky pushy Kennedy boys.

- The Kennedy's?

They're still raising hell?

Impressive.

- Says you.

I won in the end just like I always do,

now their souls are mine forever.

- Sneaky.

- [Lucifer] Thought you'd like that.

- I'm not sure likes the right word,

but that's beside the point.

I'm here to get down to brass tacks.

This whole Illuminati deal of yours devil, is over.

- [Lucifer] Oh really?

How do you figure that clone?

- I hold the prophecy chip and I'm cashing in.

(explosion)

- The Illuminati mother ship's main generator bank

is in our cross hairs Carney,

a direct hit will stamp these fuckers out, once and for all.

- Bot, Halo fire now.

- Yes Princes

(bomb explode)

- Yes

- Somebody is getting lucky tonight.

- We did it.

The Illuminati is no more, congratulations allies.

- Enjoy it while you can, fragile ones, evil never dies.

This war will be over when Lucifer says its over.

He shouts, he commands, and even in times of distress,

he still mummers, waiting always to rise, rise, rise.

- We'll keep that in mind.

While you rot in a prison cell

and fling your own shit Crowley.

- Don't mind if I do.

- What abomination?

Whats the matter?

Bad news, from above, get used to it hot fry.

I'd pack my bags, If I were you.

Maybe try some place cool.

A change of base would be good.

- You think your side has won beyond?

You've done nothing, but dig a deeper pit for yourselves.

The illuminati will have it's revenge.

- If I had for every time someone shoved their fist

and curse my name

I'd rebuild Trump Plaza Hotel and casino.

- You will be far more than fortunes

to stop what's coming DJ, you need all the help you can get.

All demons of the sixth dimension here my voice.

All greats of the sixth dimensions hid my words.

All inferno ones of the sixth dimension

transverse time and space

and bring sweet death to those who oppose us.

This at your I command.

- (indistinct)

The immortal has summoned us.

Moral, Lucas, Double O six six,

chart a course to the milky way galaxy

and prepare for bloody war.

- I, The exterminator bow before you Lucifer

and extort you with the warm blood of your adversaries

on my titanium Teeth.

- It is I, the man made monster who hears the tiding,

and answers the call.

Nothing of me does fade or does suffer a sea change

Into something rich and strange.

(chilling music)

(laughing)

(wolf howling)

- I'll bask in the glow of the full moon

and gaggle the blood of my victims in his name.

- Oh father in hell,

your orders are executed by my hand.

The mortal roam shall be ripped, till non still stands.

- I can't believe it's all over,

we finally did it.

The Illuminati are destroyed.

and the universe, is at peace.

for the first time, since earth became uninhabitable.

there were times I doubted this day would come,

more times than I care to admit.

I wish I could say there was a definitive path forward,

a plan for the future, any kind of future.

But what does this mean for our human race?

Where do we go from here?

There still isn't a planet that can sustain us.

We are still lost in space.

biding time and burning fuel.

until there's no more fuel to burn.

Fiddling while Rome burns.

- What you doing over there Princess?

- VH, I thought you were asleep.

- No Just resting up for round two, everything okay?

- Yeah, I was just thinking that's all.

- Thinking?

Why don't you come back to bed?

Take your mind off of it.

- [Trump] So, that's how it's going to be?

you up in the antique and calling in the troops,

taking a knee jerk reaction to defeat,

doubling down on mayhem and bloodshed

and senseless loss of life?

- Naturally, I'm the all seeing,

all knowing fallen angel, Lucifer.

What did you expect?

- I don't know A little wisdom after all this maybe.

- Wisdom?

You want to wisdom?

I'll give you wisdom.

I'm down here, they're up there.

They'll never stop trying to destroy me

and I'll never stop trying to destroy them.

The question now is,

which side are you on DJ?

- Call me Trump,

(upbeat music)

To everyone, including all the haters and looser.

Happy new year.

Work hard, be smart and always remember,

winning takes care of everything.

Where the hell is global warming when you need her.

And then they wanna beat Trump, that's me.

The greatest president who ever lived.

Another fake news story out there, it never ends.

Another witch hunt , another witch hunt,

another witch hunt, another witch hunt.

Another fake news story out there, it never ends.

Another witch hunt.

Where the hell is global warming when you need her.

To everyone including all the haters and looser.

Happy new year.

Another fake news story out there, it never ends.

Another witch hunt, another witch hunt, another witch hunt.

Another fake news story out there, it never ends.

Another fake news story out there, it never ends.

It never, it never, it never, it never, it never ends.