Original subtitles

Oh, I see a move.

Look.

Eight on the nine, and then your king comes up,

and that plays the queen.

Will you leave these cards alone?

You think you can show me something?

Why don't you ask me what the flowers are for?

All right, Mr. Bones, what are the flowers for?

Well, this is of an anniversary, Gabbo.

Do you know we've been together just two years today?

Two years too much, flowers are for dead people.

How often did I tell you not to put a hat on the bed

because it's bad luck?

Oh, hats on the bed and spilling

the salt and black cats and walking

under ladders-- you make your own bad luck.

Yeah?

Where's the coffee that I've asked two hours ago?

Right there by your side.

It's been there all the time.

Ice cold.

But yesterday, it was too hot.

Never mind what I said yesterday.

One day it's so hot that you burn your mouth,

and the next day it's so cold that you freeze it.

I'll get some more.

Well, Otto, my boy, how do you feel today?

Oh, I feel fine, thank you.

How do you feel, Gabbo?

Gabbo would feel better if he wouldn't have

to play Patterson this week.

You wouldn't be playing Patterson, dear, if you

called Petrus, the agent.

He has better times for you.

Yeah?

Why should I call him?

Let him call me.

They should be glad to get an act like mine.

They can't get Gabbos every day.

Coffee was too hot.

If I want anything done right, I got to do it myself.

How well you fixed for steady company.

Otto, how often did I tell you not to be so fresh?

OK, chief.

How well you fixed for steady company.

Otto, now that's enough, or I'll put you away.

Ladies and gentlemen, I will now do the impossible.

I will smoke a cigarette and drink water

and at the same time use my voice.

Very well done, Mary.

All right, there, Professor.

Ha ha ha, he he he, oh oh oh, I'm laughing.

Though I owe the rent und my dough's all spent

and my best gal said so long, ha ha ha, he he

he, oh oh oh, I'm laughing.

Every little rain drop makes the.

Laughing takes the paint up.

For every laugh I promise something.

If you fret und die Welt's all wet,

don't forget this little song.

Ha ha ha, he he he, oh oh oh, I'm laughing.

Uh, I'm sorry.

What have you done?

I'll show you, you clumsy fool.

But you told me to--

But I didn't tell you to drop the tray, did I?

Go to your room,.

Oh.

And you were rotten, too.

Of all the stupid, bungling idiots

I've ever seen in my life, she is the worst.

Say, now somebody ought to knock that guy's block off.

Yeah, I'd like to do it myself.

How often did I tell you how and when

to put the props on the stage?

Are you so stupid that you will never learn?

But I did exactly as you told--

You did not.

Don't say you did when you did not.

But I did.

You did not.

Did I tell you to drop the tray?

No, I won't stand for you talking back to me like this.

Who the devil you think you are, anyway?

Well, I will talk back to, and I won't stand it any longer.

Oh, you won't, huh?

Well, let me tell you something.

I am the greatest living artist in my line in the whole world,

and I'm not going to have my act spoiled by you.

Your act, your act, always your act, oh, you're a fool.

You're so wrapped up in yourself that you're

blind to anyone else.

It's always, you, you, you.

Keep quiet.

I won't have you saying such things to me.

Neck tie.

It's my act.

And when it's bad, they blame me for it,

and you are the one that makes it bad with your bungling.

Oh, whenever the act goes wrong,

I'm the one you always blame for it.

Because you're always to blame.

The Gabbos are at it again, honey.

Can you believe it?

The poor dame stands for anything.

He's always blowing her off.

Yeah, he blames her for everything.

She seems like a nice dame, too.

Oh, that guy's cuckoo.

Well, he must be, the way he talks to that dummy

like it was another person.

Yeah, can you beat it, talking to a dummy?

There must be something wrong with his stomach.

Stomach, nothing, there's something wrong with his skull,

but that guy's got a screw loose, sure.

Well, it's none of our business.

And I won't stand for it any longer.

Oh, you won't?

No, I won't, and if you weren't such a helpless fool,

I'd leave you so quick it would make your head swim.

So?

Well, let me tell you something.

I don't care when you go, where you go,

and the quicker, the better.

There's the door.

Do you mean that?

Yes, I mean that.

Well, then I guess I'd better go.

And if that's all the appreciation

you have for someone who's always

tried to do what was right, then you

don't deserve consideration.

Who asked you for consideration?

I don't want anything from you.

You go.

Where could you go?

What could you do without me?

I'm the act, not you.

Everything depends on me.

Well, I'm not depending on you any longer.

I was getting all right before I met you, and remember this.

I can still sing, and I can still dance.

Go ahead.

Go on.

Nobody's stopping you.

Why did you stay that long?

Oh, I only stayed because I-- oh, I don't know why I stayed.

Little Otto there is the only human thing about you.

Oh, you think so?

I don't think it.

I know it.

Oh, I've tried so hard to understand you, Gabbo,

but you're impossible.

The only sweet things you have ever said to me

have come from Otto.

I'm quitting the act tonight.

I might do better.

I know I can't do any worse.

What would you do without me, huh?

Go. Go on.

Get out.

What do I care?

All right, Gabbo, if that's all the two years

we've been together mean to you, why, I'm sorry.

Gee, that guy's been beefing ever since he opened here.

If you think that I'm tough to get along with,

you ought to get a load of him.

Oh, you don't do so bad.

Goodbye, Otto.

I'm sorry to leave you because you're the only thing about him

that seems to have a soul, even though you

are only made of wood.

And if you're as great as you think you are,

why aren't you playing the real theaters, doing better things?

You mind your own business and go as you said you would.

I'll show you.

I'll show them all, whether I'm the Great Gabbo or not.

All right, Gabbo, but remember this.

To get along, to succeed, forget yourself once in a while.

Think of someone else.

Give in, sometime.

And listen.

We only take out of this life what we put into it.

Goodbye.

Oh, Mary.

Shut up.

You know we can't call her back.

We can't call her back.

Don't you know that?

Hmm, she thought I would coax her to stay.

It looks like she's gone this time, for good.

What do I care?

Do I need her?

No.

Do I need anyone?

No.

She won't be far.

She'll be back.

Not this time, Gabbo.

I don't think so.

You don't think so?

Did I ask you?

What do you know about it?

Shh, the girl quit the act.

She left him flat.

Well, who is that he's talking to now?

The dummy again, he always does that.

That guy is sure nuts.

You are not going to let her worry you, are you?

Worry me?

Nothing, Otto, nothing in this world can worry me.

Says you.

Yeah, says me, says me.

Huh-uh-uh.

Aw, shut up.

You don't need a drink, Gabbo.

No?

I didn't ask you, did I?

You were to quick, Gabbo, too hasty with her.

Too hasty?

She spoiled my act.

She's a fool.

Oh, no, you are the fool, Gabbo.

That's enough, Otto.

Do you want me to put you out, too,.

You must admit she was sweet.

Eh.

She helped us, too.

She combed my hair, painted my face, shined my shoes,

und now she's gone.

You will miss her, too.

You need her.

No, I need no one.

She woke you in the morning, made your coffee, put you

to bed, put cold cloths on your head when you were sick--

a gut girl, Gabbo.

Will you keep quiet?

I guess you love her, Gabbo.

Und maybe a baby will climb up on her knee und

put its arms around her, but how about me?

Otto, if you don't keep quiet, I'll smash you.

I'll destroy you so that you never make another sound.

Do I want to listen to you?

No.

I need no one.

What can she do without me-- me, Gabbo.

She'll be sorry when she sees my name

in blazing lights, the Great Gabbo, the Great Gabbo.

Says here that Fully and Mandell are gonna split, honey.

Yeah, well, I know another act that's going to split

if we don't get some work soon.

Yeah, you said it.

By the time we get a date, we won't even remember the act.

Well, you'll never get work laying on that bed all day.

I can tell you that.

Oh, will you stop?

I'm doing the best I can.

Yeah, and that's terrible.

You don't try.

Did you see in the "Variety" where

that guy, Gabbo, was a hit in the "Manhattan Review?"

Yeah, can you beat that?

Why, it's not so long ago that we

worked with him in Patterson.

That was the act that split.

Yeah, he got wise.

He worked alone.

I could do a great single, myself,

but that guy was cuckoo.

Cuckoo?

Well, I wish you'd get as cuckoo as he is.

He's on Broadway.

I'll say that for him.

Oh, you've been handing me that line ever since Gabbo

got in a big show.

Well, I can't help it if they fall of.

Gabbo was a flop in Patterson.

We was a hit.

Yeah, in Patterson, but he's make good in New York.

Try that on your piccolo.

Yeah, and so would I if had a break like that

and didn't have a dame razzing me all day.

Hey, try that on your oboe.

You'll never get to first base.

You've got to have class.

Say, we got a chance.

Now we're laying off, let's go and see this guy, Gabbo.

You might learn something.

All right, all right, I want to get a load of this Gabbo,

just for fun, but don't think that he can learn me anything.

Never mind, my men will attend to everything.

Isn't he the funniest little thing you ever saw?

Which one, the man or the dummy?

So tell me, Bob.

What's the idea?

Why, that's the Great Gabbo.

He's the star of the "Manhattan Review."

Why, he comes here every night with that dummy.

I think it's sort of a publicly stunt.

The Great Gabbo, eh?

Well, he certainly gets plenty of service.

I'll say.

But they tell me he's great.

He is, but he's a little, uh, screwy.

Why, he talks to that thing, and he takes it seriously.

Look at him.

Yeah, I think you're right.

Oh, I think he's marvelous.

Now, it's the squabs with the sherry wines.

Oh, yes, I hope they are well cooked.

I don't care for myself, but Mr. Gabbo is very particular.

Truffles al espanol.

Oh, yes, the truffles, the beautiful truffles.

Isn't he the cutest thing?

Uncanny, the way he makes that dummy work, almost

sounds as though it were human.

Yeah, he'd make a perfect husband, speaks

only when you pull the string.

All husbands should be like that, darling.

Oh.

Well, there's our big star over there, showing off again.

It's a wonder he wouldn't get wise to himself

and do his act in the theater.

But that's part of his contract.

Personally, I think it's great publicity.

Oh, that fellow loves to do it.

He doesn't think much of himself.

No, it's a mistake.

But you don't understand him.

Sometimes, I actually pity him.

You pity him?

Oh, that's funny.

There's a man completely satisfied with himself.

Of all the egotistical fools I have ever seen,

he is the worst.

Oh, I know how you feel, but I know

him a lot better than you do.

You must admit.

He is great, even though he does say so, himself, the poor soul.

Boy, you're too much for me. Come on.

Are you ready?

I'd like to sit here and finish my coffee, dear.

You don't mind, do you?

I don't go on until almost 9:00.

I have enough time.

All right, dear, I'll trot over to the theater.

Now, don't you waste any sympathy on

that swell-headed nut, Gabbo.

Bye.

Bye.

Is everything all right, sir?

Oh, yes, everything is great.

Thank you.

Except the squab should have been shot years ago.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Everything else OK?

Oh, yes, only the truffles, a little like leather, und the

caviar, let's not mention it.

Outside of that, the dinner was good,

but the coffee was terrible.

Ooh, quite a crowd, tonight.

Yes, sir, and I think they all came to see you.

I have a request for a song from a party over there.

Would you oblige?

Oh, anything for the ladies, tell their leader

I sing my lollipop song.

Play "The Lollipop Song."

I've always been a gentle kind,

kept my temper well, but there is something on my mind

I simply have to tell.

There may be certain ones who shout,

you're just a dumb half-wit.

But my mind's made up about one thing, und this is it.

Oh, I'd rather suck on a lemon drop

than to try my luck with a lollipop

'cause I always drop my lolipop.

Und it gets all over icky.

Oh, it makes me sick with the way it smears,

and the stuff will stick in your hair und ears.

With the lemon bean, I'm always clean, but the lollipop,

oh, icky.

I've tried und tried but never could find a lollipop

that's even halfway refined.

So I'd rather suck on a lemon drop

than to try my luck with a lollipop

'cause I always drop my lollipop.

Und it gets all over icky.

Here is a lollipop for you, sir.

Thank you.

Oh, I want to whisper to you.

Would you tell the beautiful lady in the gray dress

to come over und have some coffee?

Und tell the orchestra to play, "I'm in Love with You."

Very clever.

Gabbo would like to have some coffee with you at his table.

I'm in love with you,

in love with what you do.

When I look at you, dear, all my dreams come true, dear.

I'm in love with you.

Hello, Otto.

Hello, Marry.

Gee, I'm glad to see you.

Won't you have some coffee with us?

No, thank you.

I just finished my coffee.

Gabbo, caviar and lobster, too, you know what

the doctor said about that.

Oh, you're such a child.

He forgets, Mary, but you used to remind him.

You used to do so much for me, too.

No one's ever combed my hair like you, no one.

Yes, Otto misses you very much, Mary.

We were both very, very happy when we met

you in this show with us again.

I think Otto would like to have you

do these things for him again-- comb his hair, fix his tie.

Wouldn't you, Otto?

Yes, Mary, I would love it.

Will you come to see me sometime again in my dressing room?

Well, maybe I will, but I won't promise.

It's getting late.

I think you'd better go to the theater.

Holy smoke, it is late.

Come on, Mary.

You come with us.

We'll ride in our little Rolls-Royce.

We'd love to have you with us.

We have everything now, Mary-- nice places

to live und everything.

I think I could fix it with Gabbo if you would come.

Be careful.

Isn't he charming?

Would you come with us, Mary?

I'd be glad to, Gabbo.

Something's wrong with your sunny disposition.

Tried to take a pill, but it made me ill.

Don't know what to do.

Do you?

Well, doctors know just

the cause of your condition.

You'd better get a nurse 'cause you're getting worse.

Ready for the hearse if you won't listen to me.

Every now and then, when you go away, I want you

back again, every now and then.

I get so lonesome, too, just because of you,

every now and then.

Oh, gee, if you would only spend time enough

to telephone a lonely friend, then you

wouldn't be just a memory, like you are to me,

every now and then

And when the bird is in the swing,

start to chirp and sing.

It doesn't mean a thing.

You know the song I want to sing is a sweeter

thing about a wedding ring.

And you always ask me all the time all about a lot

of wedding bells that chime.

I will make you mine, then

you can't pretend that I'm just a friend every now and then.

Every now and then when you go away,

I want you back again.

Every now and then, I get so lonely, too,

just because of you, every now and then.

If you'd only spend time enough to telephone a lonely friend,

then you wouldn't be just a memory, like you

are to me, every now and then.

And when the bird is in the swing, start to chirp and sing.

It doesn't mean a thing.

You know the song I want to sing is the sweetest thing

about a wedding ring.

You always ask me all the time all about a lot

of wedding bells and chimes.

I will make you mine, then you can't pretend that I'm just

a friend, every now and then.

Every now and then when you go away,

I want you back again.

Every now and then, every now and then, every now and then,

every now and then, every now and then,

every now and then.

every now and then.

every now and then.

Mary, it's Frank.

Can I come in?

Come on in.

Hmm, Gabbo, eh?

Did you drive to the theater with him?

Certainly, there's no harm in that, is there?

No, but I don't like it.

I don't want you to have anything

to do with that swell-headed nut, kissing your hand,

bowing down, clicking his heels, and all that imported baloney.

Well, he's clever enough to be the star of the show.

I'll say that much for him.

Yeah, well, I don't care what he is.

I don't want you to have anything to do with him.

Don't be silly.

He's all right.

Yeah?

Well, I don't think so.

Well, did he send these, too?

Uh-huh.

Oh, for the love of Mike.

Gabbo, Gabbo, you don't see me running around

with other girls, do you?

Mary, I tell you.

It's all wrong.

Oh, Frank, you're all excited over nothing.

He merely drove me over in his Rolls-Royce.

I thought it was very nice of him.

Yeah, well, I don't.

Perhaps not, but maybe I like Rolls-Royces.

He, uh, asked me to go to supper with him tonight.

Well, you're not going, are you?

Oh, I don't know.

I haven't given him an answer yet.

Well, I'll give him his answer for you,

and the answer is, you're not going.

Oh, don't be foolish.

Don't get excited over nothing.

Go to your dressing room and get ready for the next number.

Well, tell me.

Are you going or not?

I tell you, Frank.

You'd better go and get ready, or you'll be late.

Well, you'd better not go with him,

and that's all there is to it.

Da-da.

Oh, for the love of--

It's all over icky.

I suppose, Louis, you have a sweetheart?

We all must have romance.

That's just it.

That's what they want.

I know how it is.

We only get out of life what we put into it.

Bitte?

, Louis, here.

You'll have to hurry, Mr. Gabbo.

You're on next, and the orchestra

is playing your music.

I don't care.

I'm not ready yet.

I'll come there as soon as I can.

Tell them to play it over and over and over again.

It's all your fault. I'm supposed to be on the stage,

and you're still fumbling around with the shoes.

Whoever told you you were a dresser?

Gloves.

Cape.

Getting sick and tired of it.

No, I don't want to put it on.

I don't want to ever see you again!

Get out!

Oh, Louis.

Where are you going?

I'm going home, madame.

Mr. Gabbo is too much for me to handle.

Oh, please, don't go, Louis.

I know that he's awfully hard to understand, but be

a little patient with him.

You know, he's very nervous.

Yes, he's fine when he thinks he's Otto.

Oh, yes, I know, but don't go, please.

Well, I will stay, madam.

Oh, thank you, Louis.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have the privilege

to appear before you in what I might call,

with all due modesty, the greatest

ventriloquial exhibition of all times.

I've had the great honor to appear before all crowned heads

of Europe by royal command.

May I present to you, Otto, the famous Otto, my other half.

Half?

How you get like this?

3/4, you mean.

Otto, I think you are entirely too modest.

Well, I'm right.

I'm the act, not you.

Everything depends on me.

Say, by the way, Otto, why were you late today?

I went to the dentist.

Oh, does the tooth still hurt?

I don't know.

He didn't give it back to me-- ha, ha, ha, how comical.

Uh, how is your little, uh, baby brother, Otto?

Oh, he makes me so mad.

He cries und cries und cries.

You know, Otto, I think that child is absolutely spoiled.

Oh, no, they all smell that way.

Otto, little boys should be seen but not heard.

You better keep quiet.

I will if you let me-- a song written for me, especial.

I get by as long as I have you.

Oh, what a wise crack.

Otto, what nationality are you?

My nationality?

Oh, we have a fine family tree.

My mother, she comes from cedar house.

My father was a pole, und I'm a chip from the old block--

marvelous, should make screams of laughter or what have you.

Is that your husband or your boyfriend?

Otto, how often did I tell you not to be so fresh?

Now, don't let that happen again.

Oh, he blames me for everything.

He blames me.

Just for that now, you can't sit any longer on my knee.

Do you understand?

Suits me all right.

I have sit on much better knee.

Are you wise to that?

Now, all I want out of you is silence,

and very little of that.

Oh, yeah?

If I keep quiet, we both starve to death.

Put that in your smoke and pipe it.

You keep quiet, and I won't tell you again about it.

Suits me.

Last year, he used to swallow a tablecloth.

Hello, kid.

How well you fixed for steady company?

That's enough.

If I were you, I'd keep quiet.

All right, shut up.

What's that?

You said if you were me you'd keep quiet, so shut up.

You are me.

Oh, the kid's clever.

Though ha ha ha, he he he, ho ho ho,

I'm laughing.

Though I owe the rent und my dough's all spent und my best

gal said, so long, ha ha ha, he he he, ho ho ho, I'm laughing.

Every little rain drop makes the grass grow green.

Laughing makes the pain stop.

For every laugh, I found a sunbeam.

If you fret when the Welt's all wet,

don't forget this little song.

Ha ha ha, he he he, ho ho ho, I'm laughing.

Say, where do come in?

I could hide some hot dogs without any trouble.

You said I was you, so I'm eating enough for both of us.

Well, then, I hope I have a pain in your stomach.

What are you doing in his dressing room?

Oh, nothing-- nothing at all.

I was just passing by, and everything looked so upset.

I thought I'd straighten things up a little.

What for?

Why should you bother about him?

What's the big idea, Mary?

Oh, nothing, you wouldn't understand, anyway.

Oh, wouldn't I?

I guess you think I'm a boob.

I suppose you're going to tell me that you're

still sorry for him.

I don't believe I'll tell you anything at all.

Yeah, well, I'll tell him something if he

doesn't stay away from you.

Oh, don't say anything, please.

On stage for "I am Love in With You" number.

On stage, please.

You ought to let the Great Gabbo do that number.

Oh, don't be silly.

I have tried to keep my secret from you.

Is there something you would like to say?

Why am I so happy?

I'll bet I can guess.

It is just.

That I must confess.

I'm in love with you.

Say that again.

Please, do.

I love every little thing that you say.

Since I came your way, dear,

every day is a May Day play day.

Do you like my smile?

It makes my life worthwhile.

When I think of you, dear--

My dreams come true, dear.

I'm in love with you.

We have had to keep our secrets from you.

Why you boys are happy, I could never guess.

It is just ,

that we must confess.

We're in love with you.

We love every little thing that you say.

Since I came your way, boys,

every day's a May day play day.

Every time I smile--

At me, then life's worthwhile.

We're in love with you.

We're in love with you.

Oh, thanks very much.

Well, I like that.

I like it pretty well, myself.

Oh, yeah?

I'm in love with you,

in love with what you do.

I love every little thing that you say.

Since you came my way, dear, every day's a May Day play day.

When I see you smile at me, then life's worthwhile.

When I look at you, dear, all my dreams comes true, dear.

I'm in love with you.

I'm in love with you, in love with all you do.

I love every little thing that you say.

Since you came my way, dear, every day's a May Day play day.

When I see you smile at me, then life's worthwhile.

When I look at you, dear, all my dreams come true, dear.

I'm in love with you.

I'm in love with you, in love with all you do.

I love every little thing that you say.

Since you came my way, dear, every day's a May day play day.

When I see you smile at me, then life's worthwhile.

When I look at you, dear, all my dreams come true, dear.

I'm in love with you.

Look, Otto, how nicely everything is arranged.

You know who did it, don't you?

She did it.

You remember, Otto, how she used to arrange things for us?

And now she's doing it again.

Look.

Mm, not too hot and not too cold,

just right-- she was always right.

Maybe she is coming back with us again?

Maybe?

I am positive of it.

You know, Otto, she wanted to show me

that she could do something without me,

but now she wants to come back.

You remember.

I always said, they all come back.

Ha ha ha, he he he, oh oh oh, I'm laughing.

Yes, Otto, now we can laugh.

Everything is going to be beautiful.

Well, now you know how I feel about it, anyway.

I wish you'd try and control yourself.

And another thing-- he never stood in the wings before,

and he never helped you down.

You must have given him plenty of encouragement.

Don't be ridiculous.

Oh, I'm not ridiculous.

Everyone in the company sees how you are acting.

Do you think I care if everyone sees me?

What difference does it make?

I'm not doing any harm.

I know, but it looks bad.

What looks bad?

Does it look bad if I talk to the star of the show?

There isn't one of them in the company that wouldn't be

glad if he'd even look at them.

Besides, there's a sweet side to him that none of them

understand.

Hmm, and you do?

Yes, I do.

Now, I'll tell one.

Did you hear that?

They are already quarreling over me.

Of course, why would she want to stick

with him when she has a chance to come back with Gabbo?

You'll see.

We'll all be together again.

Oh, we are sitting on top of the world.

Yes, Otto, we are sitting on top of the world.

Nowadays, it's the new dance

craze that captivates the land.

It's something hot that is played

a lot by every jazzy band.

Here is one that I know will please you, absolutely new.

Just listen, and I'll explain this brand-new dance to you.

Here we go, nice and slow.

Now, get busy, heel and toe.

It's peculiar.

It will fool you. to rock with this new step.

First, you glide, then you slide.

Run a bit, side by side.

You'll learn it quick.

It's just a new

Girls, make whoopee.

Boys, go goofy.

You will learn.

Be up to date.

Don't be late.

Now, and hesitate.

Gee, but it's nice when you.

Hello.

Hello.

Is this Phillip?

Yeah, yeah, this is Gabbo.

Yeah, wie geht's?

Listen, Phillip.

I want you to fix a little supper for three

after the show, yeah, no, not downstairs,

in one of the little, private rooms upstairs, uh-huh.

There will be myself and Otto and a lady, uh-huh.

Yeah, the same one you saw at dinner, uh-huh.

Listen, Phillip, uh, I want beautiful flowers

and, uh, candles.

She loves that, uh-huh.

And I want you to arrange the

personally, understand?

Everything must be the very best, yeah.

Well, uh, oh, I'd say hors d'oeuvre, some caviar.

Not for me, but she likes it.

You know, Otto, she remembered that caviar and lobster

does not agree with me.

Uh, and Phillip, boneless squab cooked in coconut.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, that's it, mm-hmm.

And, uh, hearts of palm tree salad a la vinaigrette, yeah,

and listen, Phillip, a bottle of Veuve Clicquot, extra dry,

very cold, yeah.

I'll leave it all to you, Phillip.

Oh, about, uh, I'd say a quarter of 12:00,

yeah, mm-hmm, all right.

Auf Wiedersehen.

There's a story, very old,

of a spider, very old, and the timid,

little, creeping, little fly.

I don't believe in love divine.

I've had them one too many times, but anything with you

can be divine.

It's just another version of a fairy tale.

That's true.

Let me be the spider and the fly, a girl like you.

When you're caught in the web of love,

there is nothing that you can do.

Somebody's arms so tightly wrapped around you,

somebody's lips to say, I'm glad I found you.

There is joy in each warm caress.

Girl and boy find their happiness,

blue skies above you.

They know I love you--

When you're

caught in the web of love.

We might as well settle this thing right now

and save a lot of trouble.

When you're caught in the web of love,

there is nothing that you can do.

Somebody's arms so tightly wrapped around you,

somebody's lips to say, I'm glad I found you,

there is joy in each warm caress.

Girl and boy find their happiness.

Blue skies above you, you know I love you,

when you're caught in the web--

What do you mean, you'll save a lot of trouble?

of love.

Don't be silly.

Nobody in the show knows about it.

Well, he's going to know because I'm going to tell him.

Please, don't do anything.

I'll tell him.

All right, but if you don't tell him, I will.

When

Girl and boy find their happiness.

Blue skies above you, they know I love you,

when you're caught in the web of love.

Oh, that's great.

It looks very good and very reasonable.

Really?

Oh, where'd you get it?

down here.

Oh, really?

Don't tell me the king talked to us.

It must be his birthday.

And did you notice?

He changed his brand of perfume.

That's very funny.

There you are.

Your little nose was all scratched.

I think you've been neglected.

You are the sweetest girl that I know.

Did you find the flowers in the dressing room?

Oh, Gabbo, they were beautiful.

Mary, why don't you ask me what the flowers are for?

All right, Mr. Bones, what are the flowers for?

Sort of an anniversary-- it's just

two years today that you've left us,

and it's two years too long.

You know, looks quite natural to find

you in here, combing Otto's hair, fixing him up so nice.

His little nose was all scratched,

and his hair was all mussed.

He looked kinda lonesome.

Yes, but he doesn't know how it feels to be lonesome.

I know how it feels to be alone and lonesome.

That doesn't sound at all like you, Gabbo.

I know it doesn't, but things are different now.

Things have changed.

I've changed, too.

We all make mistakes.

The lord knows I've made mine, but I realized it.

I never knew how much you meant to us until you had gone away.

Mary, we missed you very much.

Did you miss us, too?

I missed Otto.

Only Otto?

Didn't you miss anybody else?

I know you missed Otto because he-- he

always said nice things to you.

Yes, Otto was always sweet.

Mary, two years ago, that night when you left us,

you said to me, we only get out of life what we put into it.

No one knows that now more than I do.

I know I was selfish.

But I was anxious to get to the top, and I did.

Now, I am the Great Gabbo.

I have my success.

Uh-oh, better knock wood.

Oh, that's all foolishness, knocking

wood and going under ladders and black cats crossing.

We make our own bad luck.

Yes, I have my success, but what good

is success if we can't share it with someone you care for?

And that's what I want to do.

Mary, I have arranged a little supper party

after the show over at Phillip's, just myself

and you and Otto.

I want to tell you all the things

that have been on my mind since that night when you left.

I'm afraid I can't go, Gabbo.

I have other plans.

But don't you think I've made plans, too?

Big plans, plans for the future, plans

for both of us-- it will be the Great Gabbo and-- and you.

But that's impossible, Gabbo.

You can't make any plans concerning me.

Oh, I should've told you before.

Oh, that boy?

He means nothing, Mary.

Oh, yes, he does.

Not to me.

He means everything to me.

We're married.

Married?

Yes.

You're not!

Well, I am.

I said he means everything to me, and I mean everything.

He loves me, and I love him.

That's all there is to it.

Oh, Gabbo, I'm sorry.

It's time for the finale.

You'd better hurry, or you'll be late.

Don't hurt your little nose again, Otto.

I love you.

I always have, and I think I always will.

Otto, did you hear what she said?

She is married.

She loves him.

He means everything to her.

She said, I'm sorry, Gabbo.

Sorry for me?

Sorry for Gabbo?

Well, I told him.

What did he say?

Well, there was very little to be said.

I told him we were married and that I love you, and I do.

The reason I didn't tell him before

is because two years ago, we were--

I know all about that, honey.

Oh, you do?

Mm-hmm, and that's what why I thought it was-- I

wanted him to know we were married.

I thought it was best that way.

Don't you, honey?

Oh, it was the only the thing to do.

You know, Frank, I don't think I knew my own mind,

and I think it's only fair that I tell you that I married

you to get away from him.

Oh, I'm sorry if that hurt you, but I didn't know

whether I loved you or not.

But I do, now.

Honest, I do, and what has happened

made me realize it more than ever.

I haven't been very sweet to you tonight,

but if you'll forget about it and forgive me,

you'll never be sorry.

Honest, you won't.

What do you say, huh?

I say, you're all right, honey, and if you don't stop this,

you'll have me so choked up I won't be able to sing.

On stage for the finale.

Beat it.

Beat-- beat it, honey, or I'll be doing a song.

On stage for the finale.

You heard it, Otto, the finale.

But they can't have a finale without me!

Can they?

No, let them wait.

Let them play it over and over and over again.

The public can wait.

I don't care.

They must wait for the Great Gabbo.

On stage for the finale.

On stage for the finale.

On stage for the finale.

Go on.

Go ahead with your finale.

What do I care?

She loves him.

She didn't even say goodbye to me, only to you, you stupid,

wooden dummy.

Oh, I'm sorry, Otto.

I'm so-- sorry.

All right, up for the finale.

Finale!

Finale!

On stage for the finale.

Stop it.

I think you love her, Gabbo.

Stop that music.

Finale.

Finale.

Finale.

Finale.

Stop it.

Finale.

Finale.

Stop it!

Finale.

On stage for the finale.

I'm sorry, Gabbo.

Stop it!

Finale.

Finale.

Finale.

On stage for the finale.

Stop that music.

He loves me, and I love him.

Caught in the web of love.

Finale.

Finale.

Finale.

Stop it.

Girl and boy find their happiness.

Here I go.

When you're caught in the web of love,

there is nothing that you can do.

Blue skies above you, they know I love you,

when you're caught in the web of love.

Love, love, love.

The Great Gabbo.

Gabbo, there can't be a show without Gabbo.

You don't know how to laugh.

You don't know.

There isn't one of you that knows how to laugh.

You don't know how to laugh, and you don't know how to laugh.

Otto, you show 'em how to laugh.

Come on.

Show us.

You can't laugh, either.

I can laugh.

I know I can laugh.

to laugh.

I know how.

I'm in love with you.

What's the matter with you?

Do you realize what you've done, Gabbo?

You ruined the entire finale, and you won't do it again.

I won't have my show ruined by you.

Every performance, it's something else.

You've got to get out.

What do I care for your show?

Would you have a show without the Great Gabbo?

All right, I'll quit.

Otto, he thinks he's going to have a show without Gabbo.

I'm laughing.

Quiet, please.

To your dressing rooms, now, go on.

Move on.

Quickly, now, move along.

I think the man's crazy.

I think I can play it if I go in there.

You'll do nothing of the kind.

Please, go to your dressing rooms.

Frank, I just saw him pass the dressing room,

and he's completely gone.

Well, do you think you can really help him?

Oh, I think I can.

All right, honey, go speak to him and see what you can do.

Oh, gee, you're sweet.

Gabbo.

Gabbo.

Take care of him, Louis.

Don't leave him alone.

Yes, madam, I'll take care of him.

Don't worry.

Well, there you are.

That's the Great Gabbo for you, grabbed the entire finale.

Did you ever see anyone act as loony as that guy?

Yeah, there certainly was something wrong.

Something wrong?

I'll say there was something wrong,

and you thought he could learn me something.

I told you that guy was goofy long ago,

but Broadway was too much for him.

He got the swelled head, and it exploded.

Yeah, well, he's got one thing to be thankful for.

All he's got for a partner is a dummy.

Yeah, me and him, both.

Ow, lay off that stuff, will ya?

Well, don't you call me no dummy,

or you'll get a chance to do that single you've

been talking so much about.