Original subtitles

[soft upbeat music]

[indistinct]

- A, b, c, d, e, f.

- [Together] Fart!

- H, i, j, k, l, m, n, o.

[screaming softly]

Q, r.

- Fart!

- Perfect!

Hey, hey, hey!

Lose it!

No, no, no!

What?

Fart!

[laughing lightly]

[soft upbeat music]

- [Woman] Morning Ryan.

- Morning!

- Morning...?

Jess, from the Junior Fundraising Committee...

Or just by deduction, Ryan's mum, would do?

- Okay, if you say so.

- Sorry we're late somebody stole my space,

I basically had to park in our driveway.

- Okay, you can go off to class now, love.

- Okay, have a good day. Hey, catch!

- Oh, can I borrow one of those?

- They're 20 bucks.

We're fundraising because of the school fire.

- I know.

- Do you want one?

- Well it's just I'm waiting on an invoice,

so maybe I could just pay half now, half next week?

- Can you fill in the late due

to alleged parental misfortune slip, please.

- Looks like we've both got

this season's must-have accessory.

- Oh my God.

I follow you on Instagram.

I'm not a stalker.

- Good to know.

Margot, my son forgot his lunch box.

Max Hayes, room six?

- Hey Daisy, just fill in the deets after Tess.

- Jess.

It's Jess.

- Is it okay if I just drop it in to him?

- Sweet as.

- Nice to meet you, Tess-Jess.

- Nice to meet you, Daisy-amazey.

I'll work on that as a nickname.

- Are you one of Hine's mates?

- Yes.

- Who's doing the cupcake thing

with Heather Maloney all things skinny and boney?

- Yes.

- You're late.

She's been setting up for about an hour.

- Sorry, sorry I know I'm late,

my carpark got stolen by the space invader.

- The space invader?

- Yes, a gold car who invades people's spaces

and makes them accidentally compact their cupcakes.

- Luckily I stayed up late last night baking extras.

On the off chance your Jessness came into play.

- Wh-- You are a real life super-mum. And possibly psychic.

- Well, I am a semi-professional cupcake artiste.

- I stayed up late last night redesigning a shampoo label

to play down the parabens.

Harder than it sounds but worth the low pay.

- I stayed up last night too but for wine reasons.

- Anyway, here they... aren't?

[twinkling music]

- I must have swapped hats with Daisy.

- Is that a stegosaurus shaped sandwich?

- An olive for an eye.

- Do you think that her son actually eats the olive?

- Those minion bananas are a little five years ago.

- Do you think she's looking for a vaguely artistic mum

to pay a million dollars to help design her blog?

- Unlikely.

How many cupcakes is that now?

- Two and four quarters.

[soft upbeat music]

- Hey, I think we've had a hilarious mix up.

- My son was quite taken with your deconstructed cupcakes.

- They're for the sale we're doing

for the Fathers Shared Lunch.

- Cool.

- Yeah, it is cool.

Yeah, I'm kind of in charge.

I did the sign and everything.

You should come by?

It starts at like 11,

but I think we're going till like one.

Whatever, we're pretty flexible with time.

- Thanks.

Maybe I will.

- Yeah.

- See ya. - Bye.

She smells like sunshine.

[soft upbeat music]

- Oh, thanks.

How are they going over there?

Are you looking forward to the father's shared lunch?

Is your dad coming?

Good talk.

- I can see what you were going for.

- Really?

- No, I was just trying to be polite

because you said sometimes I can be a little too honest.

- Well I appreciate your effort.

- You do require a lot of effort.

- What flavour are they?

- Kumara choc chip.

Mum calls them a surprise root, vegetable, surprise!

- Is the surprise how they taste?

- Daisy would say they had a whimsical charm.

- She also probably thinks children

should choose their own bedtime.

[soft upbeat music]

- Daisy has so many followers.

- She's really into rose gold arrows and retro filters.

- Do you think it's okay that I liked all her photos?

- Just this week or all of them?

- All of them.

OMFG, she just liked my work Facebook page.

Oooh, ooh, ooh.

She just slid into my DM's!

Hey TJ, want to meet up after school for coffee and gossip?

- TJ?

- Oh um, Tess-Jess, it's sort of an in-joke.

- Well you can't, we've got lolly lei

crafternoon tea at Heather's.

- Oh, do you think you'll need me for that?

I mean, you've seen what I do with cupcakes.

- [Heather] I'm ready for you to look

like you're helping me now.

- It might be fun?

- [Heather] Hine!

[soft upbeat music]

[clapping softly]

- Hands up who's excited for father's shared lunch?

- Me! Me! - Yes!

Alright, let's save our appetites for later, eh?

- [Child] No!

- Let's put Jess's tragic kumara-cakes

in the only if we run out pile.

No, let's cut out the middle man and compost them now.

- Oh, I can't see my cupcakes anywhere.

- They're in the compost.

We could not charge people money for those.

Not even dads.

- So, this crafternoon this afternoon,

that's not still on is it?

- Oh, it most definitely is.

Those lolly leis won't make themselves.

- Oh, I think I might be co-coming down with some-

[sneezing aggressively]

And I don't want to get you guys sick.

- My medicine cabinet is fully stocked,

with both alternative medicines and the ones that work.

- Oh, I just remembered, Ryan really wanted me

to take him trampoline shopping and pretend

to be interested in one so he could get free jumps.

- Then we'll inflate our bespoke bouncy

castle in the shape of Te Papa.

- Oh, I forgot you guys were rich.

Well the other thing-

- Are you trying to get out of this?

- Yes.

Daisy asked me to coffee.

- When you say you're going to do something, I expect you

to do it, badly, but I expect you do it nevertheless.

- Oh, you have high expectations.

- It's only compared to most.

[soft upbeat music]

- A reminder that Fathers Shared Lunch is not

an opportunity for rough and tumble.

We don't want a repeat of the great

window-breaking-tickle-fight of 2016.

- Is Ryan's Dad coming today?

- Oh, no.

- Does he have work?

- He left to become a DJ on the Gold Coast

when I was eight and a half months pregnant

so I'm quietly confident he doesn't have work.

- As you know, my husband's pretty nice

so if Ryan wants to borrow him, he can.

- Thanks.

- He gives really good piggy-backs.

He gives them to the kids sometimes too.

- Are you here for the fathers thing?

- Yeah.

- I bet you're a big Anika Moa fan.

- Ahh, I like some of her old stuff better

than her new stuff.

- Oh.

Well, that's not fair.

- I know, Anika's kids' albums are incredible.

- No, her kid has two mums and therefore

an unfair advantage in life.

Her book week costume is going to be incredible.

- Hands up guys, who likes cupcakes?

- Me! - Yes!

Does anyone like snot cupcakes?

- Argh! - Ew!

- [Child] Yummy!

- Hey.

Cool sign.

- Hey!

Thanks, yeah I just whipped it up.

I'm an artist by trade.

- I know.

- Hi, I'm Jess's friend Daisy.

- Heather.

- Oh, we're both named after flowers.

- Heather's technically a flowering shrub

and the common daisy is more of a weed so.

- I made you guys some cupcakes.

Sorry, they're a bit rushed.

- Oh, I can tell.

- Well I bet they sell out.

- It's not a competition.

Don't you just hate those kinds of mums.

- With a burning passion.

[soft upbeat music]

- One, two, three ears on me.

If any Dads have accidentally forgotten

their plates for the shared lunch, the Junior Fundraising

Committee are selling cupcakes in the library.

[soft upbeat music]

- Morning ladies.

- Good Morning.

- Hi Sara's dad.

I like your punctuality.

- Hey Sebastian.

What can I get you?

- Um cupcakes?

- We've got red velvet, vegan caramel,

gluten-free vanilla and chocolate.

- Or just plain old lemon and elderflower.

- Like Harry and Meghan's wedding cake?

- But kids love chocolate.

- Do they?

I just think that girls, like your daughter Sara,

might prefer flower-based baking?

- I'm sure his daughter, who I already knew was called Sara,

isn't restricted by antiquated gender stereotypes.

- Um, I think I'll take.

- Style over substance?

- The ones clearly made by a semi-professional?

- A box of both.

- Great.

Perfect.

[soft upbeat music]

- It's for my multi-platform blog The Daisy Chain.

I kind of have a cult following.

- I bet people in cults love it.

- If only there was a way, just for fun,

we could see whose cupcakes really were the best?

Jess seemed very taken with mine.

- Mm.

She liked mine first.

We're best friends we go way back to quite recently.

- Yes, but whose does she think are the coolest?

- Hey, do you guys need anything?

- Yes.

[soft dramatic music]

- You want me to what?

- Tell us which cupcake is best?

- It won't be difficult.

- Best is such a subjective and potentially

catastrophic word.

Hine, help a sister out?

- Sorry, busy fundraising.

- You'll be great.

And, I don't know why I'm bringing this up now,

but you wouldn't want to redesign my Daisy Chain logo.

Would you?

- My single mother bank account would love that.

- I could take your shift on the ice block

fundraiser tomorrow at the Pop-up Shopsicle.

I know how the coldness hurts your fingers.

- It's true I do have very sensitive extremities.

- Try mine first.

- Oh, I cannot think of a reason why I shouldn't.

- Mm.

Excellent mouth-feel and so understanding

of friend's financial situations.

- Try my terrible one.

- Well it looks super cool.

- Looks can be deceiving.

- But may offer amazing career opportunities.

- Oh wow.

- So it's probably the winner.

- Can't we just say that fundraising is the winner?

- [Together] No.

- So which cupcake is best?

I don't care or anything,

I just would really like to secure an artist

like you before I rebrand for Rhythm and Vines.

- Oh.

- Just make your decision.

It's not like our friendship is riding on it.

- Ooh, they're both so delicious and so demanding.

Can't a grownup like two cupcakes at once?

- No, it doesn't work that way.

- Don't get distracted by shiny objects.

- The last person who did my logo went on

to do Lorde's sister's birthday invitations.

- Daisy's, I choose Daisy's cupcakes.

[plate screeching softly]

- Excuse me.

- You didn't choose Heather's?

- No.

- You remember my husband, Bob?

- Oh, yeah the builder.

Bob the builder.

- Hah.

Um, your boy's are welcome to join me

and the tama build a tree-house on the weekend?

- He would love that.

- Good.

- We've already got three tree-houses.

None of them are finished.

- Builders. - Mm-hmm.

[soft upbeat music]

- That. That. That.

- Yes.

- This is for you, Margot.

- Oh, thanks Ryan.

Did your mum make this?

Which one's your mum again?

- Jess.

- She sounds lovely I can't wait to meet her, thanks.

- Thanks!

- Hey, so where should we meet this arvo?

- We're gona be at the Can-You-Hear-The-Mums-Fernando Cafe.

Everyone is gona be so excited to meet you.

- Ooh.

Everyone?

- I run a collective of mumfluencers who work

for free to boost their online like-scapes.

- Oh, so you wouldn't be paying me to design your blog logo?

- Not with money.

- Yeah, who needs food, rent, or 1B5's anyway?

- Can we actually make it tomorrow?

- Sorry, I'm gonna be meeting with other

potential artists tomorrow.

[soft upbeat music]

- Don't worry.

I've already forgotten your devastating

betrayal of our friendship.

- I'm sorry, okay, I only chose Daisy

because I need the business,

which actually pays less than expected upfront.

- I thought it was because you weren't very popular

in high school and thought being friends

with her would somehow make up for it.

- Well, I'm going to be late this afternoon

'cause I'm having coffee with her first.

- I don't like you hanging out with that girl.

She is a bad influencer.

- You're not the boss of me.

- If I was you would be on time for things.

- The space invader stole my park.

- It's always someone else's fault.

- Oh, well if I'm so useless

you won't need me this afternoon.

- Maybe we don't need you

in the Junior Fundraising Committee at all.

- Fine.

I'm out.

- Better late then never.

- That doesn't make sense.

- Yeah?

Well you make no sense.

[soft upbeat music]

- Is that for me?

Did your mum make this?

Have you tried them?

Is it good?

Alright, I'll save this one for later. Eh?

- So you're out of the gang?

- Heather's so unfair.

- Because she baked extra cupcakes

in case something happened to yours and it did?

- No?

- Because she secretly paid for your son to go

on the Museum field trip and asked me not to tell you?

- I thought that was a clerical error

which I was totally going to tell the office about.

- Well I guess I'll see you at the tree-house thing, yeah?

- Sorry.

Heather wants Cinnamon to learn a trade

so they're coming now.

It might be a bit weird.

- Yeah, I don't want it to be weird.

- Um, can you stay and man the cupcakes?

Bob forgot his phone, and his keys and his epipen.

[soft upbeat music]

- Oh, thanks Amber, I've been waiting

for one of these all day.

- I heard you already had three.

- Okay, um.

You better go back to class, eh?

And go learn some maths.

One plus one equals?

- Two.

- Two plus two equals?

- Four.

- Which rhymes with close the door.

Yeah?

There we go.

- Hey, um have you seen Heather about?

- Ah, I think she went to the office to get change,

whether they like it or not.

Are you Mr. Heather?

- And you must be Jess.

Yes, Heather said that you like to think

you're pretty funny.

- Huh.

And you work at Land of Liquor?

- How'd you know that?

- Basic literacy.

- Hey, we're redesigning our craft beer labels

and Heather recommended you, you're an artist right?

- You pay with money?

- Yes?

- And Heather recommended me?

- Yeah, she talks about you all the time.

- That may change.

- Hey, also at your thing this afternoon can you act

really surprised, because she stayed up late

last night baking your favourite cupcakes.

- Mint choc chip?

- [Together] Yeah with a Russian fudge glaze.

- Yeah.

- Hey, you're leaving already?

- Well I've got my photos so there's no value in me staying.

Plus Heather's kind of mean.

- Oh, she just comes across that way because of what

she says and how she acts.

But look, about this afternoon.

- I posted your sign on Insta and it's already

got 16 thousand likes.

Hashtag blessed.

- Ooh, that is not making it any easier.

Daisy, it's not you it's me.

Maybe it is you.

Is this your gold car?

- It's not gold it's champagne.

- Space invader.

Well I can't come this afternoon

because I promised I'd help my friends.

- Well that's a shame.

I was going to introduce you to a mumpreneur

who makes the most amazing lunchboxes.

- Did she pack yours today?

- Mm-hm.

- With the penguin sushi?

- Yeah, it was from a paid partnership photoshoot.

I'm sure sushi's fine the next day.

- What, after being under hot lights?

- Yeah, well it looks good and that's all that matters.

- And you bought your cupcakes

from The Ladies Auxiliary Bakery and Biscuitarium.

- Don't tell anyone.

- Oh, I gotta tell one person.

- How dare she pass off bought baking as homemade.

- Yours were clearly superior.

- And sold better.

- Really?

- I'm sorry I wasn't a cool friend today guys.

- I'm sorry if it looked like I over reacted.

- It's fine, your heart's in the right place.

- Actually, due to a rare genetic condition, it's not.

- And thank you for paying for Ryan to go to-

- Jess that's nothing!

- Oh, that's okay, he shouldn't miss out

because people don't pay you what you're worth.

- So, what should I bring this crafternoon?

- You're not meeting Daisy?

- She ain't no MILF.

- Pardon me?

- A mother I'd like to fundraise with!

[all cheering]

[soft upbeat music]