Original subtitles

[insects chirping] [thunder rumbling]

[bird cooing]

[swing squeaking]

[insects chirping]

[cheerful music]

- [Jenny] Did you have fun at the disco, Zee-kai?

- [Luana] I'm not Zee-kai, I'm Luana.

[Luana's mum sighs] I think that's mine.

- Sorry.

- Yeah.

What have I told you about hanging out with strangers?

[thunder rumbling]

- Look at this one, I mean, she's so cute.

Are you okay?

- Sounds like someone has a guilty conscience.

- [DJ] Okay, kids, party's over.

Time to go home.

- Thank God that's over.

I'm calling it a success!

- No thanks to your pranks.

- Hey, that kid had already wet his pants

before I yelled boo at him.

Are you okay? - You tell me.

- I'm gonna go with no.

- 'Cause you've been weird all evening.

[thunder rumbling]

It's just it would help

if I knew what I'd done to upset you.

- Well, I'm disappointed that you don't know

but I need time to process my trauma.

- My God.

- Is Ryan's mum here? - I'm Ryan's mum, Jess.

But Ryan's not here, he's at Hine's

while I help the volunteer parent cleanup crew.

- Good turnout.

Well, your son offered

to look after Ratchie McClaw this weekend.

- What?

How am I supposed to look after the Room 2 rat?

- Google it.

You're just lucky we don't have the school deer anymore.

Buck Shelford was a real handful.

[giggles] I'll clear these, shall I?

- Hello. [smacks lips]

Oh, look, Hine.

- Oh, no, no, it's okay, I can see him from here.

- I'm sure he's more scared of you than you are of him.

Especially when you're dressed like that.

- Hine, would you tell Jess to put that rat down

and help tidy up. - Jess, can you--

[cage banging on floor] [rat squeaking]

- How much longer are you gonna be mysteriously mad at me?

- As long as it takes.

[perky music]

- Jess?

- Yeah?

- Why is the cage door open?

[suspenseful music] [thunder rumbling]

[Jess gasps]

- Ratchie?

Ratchie?

[playful music]

[rat squeaking]

[playful music continues]

Ratchie?

Here boy.

[whistling]

Ratchie?

- It's not a dog. - It's big enough to be a dog.

- He can't get far, his legs are mostly feet.

- Buy a new one and let's just be done with it.

- Do you know how expensive rats are?

- Get one from the SPCA?

- Do I have to do everything around here?

Let's calmly shut all the exits.

Jess, get the kitchenette door, I'll get the front door.

- He's pretty big, he shouldn't be too hard to find.

[electricity buzzes]

[suspenseful music]

Well, that may complicate matters.

[Hine farts]

Ooh.

Hine, was that you?

- Perhaps.

- I'll get the lights.

- [Heather] The doors are the priority.

- I'll stay here and guard the furniture.

- Ooh, ooh, ooh. [rat squeaking]

- That wasn't me.

[suspenseful music]

- I assume you forgot to tell Freddy

to turn off the timer for the lights.

[light switch clicking]

They can't be switched back on.

You're just lucky that a Wahine Wanderer is always prepared.

- Whoa.

- Even to help people that don't deserve it.

[suspenseful music]

- I found a rat on Trade Me.

As is condition, $8 buy now?

- I'm perfectly capable of finding this one.

[rat squeaking] [screaming]

[gasping]

- You forgot to shut the kitchen door?

- Put it on your watchlist, Hine.

Thanks.

[playful music]

Do you think he would prefer a cameo creme spider

or a humorously shaped banana ghost?

- I don't think rats have novelty snack preferences.

- Well, I'm building him a treat trail

to Hansel and Gretel him back into his cage.

[scoffing]

- Well, do you have a better idea?

- Siri, search how to build a rat trap

that's better than whatever Jess is doing.

- [Siri] Hello, Heather, I have found a rat trap

that is better than whatever Jess is doing.

- Are you ever gonna not be angry with me?

- I'm not angry with you, I'm just disappointed.

- Oh, that's worse.

[playful music]

[gasps]

It's working, my plan is working.

[rat squeaking]

[Heather gasping] Oh, he's fast.

[Hine yelps]

- Great, now we have to catch a rat

that's powered by a sugar high.

Nice work, Jess.

- Where'd he go?

Where'd he go?

- Towards the dark and scary toilets.

- Great, you didn't shut that door, either.

- Mum always said I was born in a tent.

- I was born in a caravan!

- Are you coming?

- No.

- Okay, well, we'll just leave you alone

in the dark, creepy hall then.

- Wait!

[playful music]

[lips smacking]

- I'm not saying that I need an apology,

just that it would be nice.

I thought we were friends. - We are.

- MFFs forever.

- Oh, I know what I did.

I wanna apologise.

- Thank you. - It was thoughtless,

and you have every right to be disappointed.

- I do.

- Yeah, that thing that I did was so not cool.

- Care to be a bit more specific?

- I don't wanna go into the gory details.

- I'd love to go over it in very fine detail.

- The details, Jess, do the details!

- She can't, because what Jess has done

is given me a husband apology. - A husband apology?

- She's done something wrong, she doesn't know what it is,

she thinks giving me a generic apology

will make it all better and I'll let her go to frisbee golf.

- Is it because I put fruit

at the end of the fruit kebabs and not in the middle,

giving kids sugar without earning it through fruit?

- Think bigger.

[rat squeaking] [screaming]

- Oh, damn he likes to run.

- [Heather] He's gone out to the P.E. shed!

[door creaking]

[door squeaking]

[insects chirping]

- [Jess] There's nothing to be scared of.

[howling] Werewolves, werewolves!

- No, that was my text alert.

- Oh, it's very Halloweeny. - You said weenie.

- My husband says the kids are fine.

- Okay.

[playful music]

[leaf blower roaring]

- How many scary text alerts have you got?

- That wasn't me.

[suspenseful music] [screaming]

[screaming continues]

- Sorry.

Did I scare you guys?

- Yes! - Yes!

- No.

- Oh, it's just Freddy.

Not Freddy Krueger, the burns victim,

it's Freddy, the Caretaker.

- Thanks for the clarification.

- Yeah, sorry, I was just putting away my leaf blower 3000

before I go to the Staff Halloween Party.

- Ah.

- Hold on, mums aren't allowed back here.

- Oh, we're the parent volunteer cleanup crew.

- What, the three of you?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

[insects chirping]

- That's a really good turnout.

- But then Jess lost the school rat.

- It's not lost, it's just temporarily not found.

- Stop bickering!

And get Freddy to find Ratchie so we don't have to touch it.

- No can do ladies, so it's the costume competition tonight

and the winner gets a free-for-all of the lost and found

and there's this really good lunch box there

that I've had my eye on for a few years,

and I think this is my year.

I do have some advice for you, though.

- Forgive your friends, let bygones be bygones?

- No.

So, Ratchie quite likes it when the kids sing

or read poems to him.

So maybe try doing that 'cause I think he quite digs it.

- Sick rhymes it is then, Boi.

- And also, don't worry about the school ghost.

[suspenseful music]

Yeah, no one's seen her for a while.

You know what I'm gonna leaf this here.

[Jess giggles]

- Okay.

[insects chirping]

[suspenseful music] [rat squeaking]

[screaming]

- Let's just give up.

- No, let's suit up.

Ready? - No.

- Ready, Heather?

- I'm still disappointed in you.

And now, a little angry.

- As long as we're all on the same page.

Now, let's forget that ghost comment and rhyme this rat out.

- This face mask has no strap.

- It's not a face mask.

- Smells like Cheezels.

[suspenseful music] [rat squeaking]

- We're going on a rat hunt.

- [Heather] We're gonna catch a big one.

- What a beautiful night. - We're not scared.

[rat squeaking]

- Uh-oh.

[gasps]

Did you hear that?

[rat squeaking]

- The poetry works?

I knew it would.

[suspenseful music] [rat squeaking]

[gasps] - There it is!

[suspenseful music] [rat squeaking]

- Ah!

[bat knocking on floor] [rat squeaking]

- Ooh.

Well, that was less than helpful.

[rat squeaking]

- I told you I've got a complicated relationship with rats.

- Well, what happened to you?

- I don't wanna talk about it.

- Well, you know, sometimes talking with friends helps.

- Just take your time.

- Well, when I was in standard three,

one bit me.

- Right.

Well, that was much more concise than I had anticipated.

- Thank you for your honesty.

We'll look after you.

- Yeah, all for one and one for all.

We're literally the mouse-keteers.

- You're on your own.

And it's a rat.

[cheerful music]

[rat squeaking]

I can't believe my mum-eyes haven't found him yet.

I can find Lego Wonder Woman's hair in a matter of seconds.

- Yeah, I'm a good looker, too.

- Oh, yeah, you get lots of practise

'cause you lose things all the time.

- I'm gonna lose my patience.

What have I done that is so terrible?

- I'll give you a hint.

It's something you did at school this week.

- Ooh, you gotta be more specific.

Okay.

Was it when I put fizzy water in my drink bottle

and I accidentally jizzed you?

- Yeah, twice a week I make Cinnamon just a paleo pancake

instead of using any gluten-- [screaming]

What the--

Oh, my god! - I'm sorry.

- No.

No. - Was it when I found out

that I was allergic to raffle prizes?

- Yeah, so I made this last night,

and I just put a little biscuit crumb around the edge,

it took me quite a while-- [Jess sneezes]

[playful music]

- No.

- Was it 'cause I gave you the cheapest reusable coffee cup?

Skinny latte from your favourite place.

- Thanks. - Go for it.

[screaming]

- It's burning!

It's--

No.

- Is it something to do with tonight's dance?

- Yes. - Yes, Jess!

- Is it about the playlist? - No.

But the Monster Mash into The Ghostbusters theme?

Amateur night.

- Please just tell her before the rat or the ghost

kills us all to death.

- Fine.

I saw you tear down

my handmade Junior Halloween Disco posters,

and it really hurt my feelings.

- Ah, that.

[soft music]

♪ I'm a Big Boss Mama

♪ A Big Boss Mama

♪ A Big Boss Mama, I'm a Big Boss Mama ♪

♪ Pay the band to rock it with the money in my pocket ♪

♪ And I'm blowing up the stage like a Saturn V rocket ♪

♪ Get down

♪ Run for cover

♪ Look out, she's a Big Boss Mama ♪

[energetic music]

♪ A Big Boss Mama

♪ A Big Boss Mama

♪ Look out, a Big Boss Mama

[energetic music]

[dramatic music]

- I know you're some great artist

but you can't let me design one poster?

- Yeah, that baby's really funny.

[giggles] She makes me laugh.

- It's not that funny. - Yes, it is.

It's the iconic Kiwi pumpkin baby!

- I used it for my Christmas cards last year.

- And it's a fundraising poster,

why would you wanna hurt the funds?

- Let's just keep looking for that rat

and never speak of it again.

[playful music]

[playful music continues]

[grunting]

- What could you possibly have against it

but petty jealousy of my superior poster skills?

Are you allergic to pumpkin?

- Just leave it.

- No, I will not leave it.

I wanna know why a perfectly adorable pumpkin baby

is so offensive to you.

- Okay, you wanna know why? - Yes.

- Well, then I'll tell you why!

- Then do!

- I'm that baby in that photo, and it ruined my life!

- Metaphorically? - No, literally.

- So, you are that baby?

- Yes.

- Oh, you really grew into your forehead.

- I had no idea that pumpkin baby was you.

- What happened?

[soft piano music]

- It was 1984.

My parents earned $2,000 from my picture on that pumpkin.

That was a lot of money back in those days.

Dad bought a jet ski.

He went out on it that very day, but the weather was rough.

Mum said, "Don't, Ian, it's too rough!"

I never saw my father again.

- He drowned?

- No, he ran off with the jet ski instructor.

That photo tore my family apart.

And it didn't stop there.

I was teased at school.

- I thought that was because of your personality.

- No.

At first, I was like the cool model kid, you know?

I mean, I was basically Rachel Hunter.

- I find that hard to believe and so would Rachel Hunter,

she is a close, personal friend of mine.

- But then, the coolness soon turned to teasing.

They called me--

Pumpkin arse.

- Pumpkin arts?

- No.

Arse.

Pumpkin arse.

Pumpkin arse, pumpkin arse.

You're face is like a pumpkin arse.

It was like a double diss.

- So, not only did you have your arse on a pumpkin--

- But your face literally looks like a pumpkin's arse.

- See?

That's why I pulled down your posters.

My primary school years, they haunt me still.

- I'm still haunted by that rat bite.

- Well, I was very popular in primary school

and it was a lot of pressure.

[playful music]

I wish you'd told me before I'd spent all that time

and petty cash.

- I mean, I know I'm a grownup who votes

and sometimes flosses,

but those childhood ordeals, they cut deep.

- There's an Ordeal in Room 7, her mum had a 36-hour labour.

- Thank you for talking about it.

And I'm sorry if it appeared I was being overly sensitive.

- Thanks.

Yeah, I mean what's so bad about a bunch of kids

chanting, "Pumpkin arse, pumpkin arse.

"Your face is like a pumpkin arse."

[suspenseful music] [rat squeaking]

- Do that again.

- Pumpkin arse, pumpkin arse.

Your face is like a pumpkin arse.

[gasps]

- The rat loves poetry.

- And has a real mean streak. - Let's do this.

- Pumpkin arse, pumpkin arse.

Your face is like a pumpkin arse.

Pumpkin arse, pumpkin arse.

Your face is like a pumpkin arse.

- You know, this is quite liberating.

- You're owning it, pumpkin arse.

[rat squeaking]

- Oh. [gasping]

[panting]

Hine, it's time to face your fears, okay?

- I thought we were doing your primary school trauma?

- Okay, Hine, look at me, okay?

Look at me.

You are the mother of five surprisingly nice boys,

you're super smart and you make a mean cameo creme spider.

You are grownup enough not to be scared

of that quite large rat right by your foot.

Hold.

[muttering]

[gasping]

Hold.

Hold.

H?

- [Heather] I'm on it.

[Hine panting]

- [Jess] Hold.

- [Heather] There.

There.

[Hine sobbing] - And--

[rat squeaking]

[suspenseful music]

[cage clunking]

Closure!

[cheerful music]

[laughing]

- I'm an H too, you know?

- Yes, that nickname was quite confusing.

I mean, at least pumpkin arse is unique.

- There's a Unique in Room 7, and Room 5.

[laughing]

[Jess chuckling]

[cheerful music]

- [Jess] Hello.

[gasps] [rat squeaking]

- Look what I found in the carpark.

- No, no, no, we already found him!

[rat squeaking]

- I don't think that's a pet rat.

- No, that one probably escaped

from that mysterious research facility across the road.

- Alright, I started this,

I'm gonna finish it.

[playful music]

- Jess, you were really brave

when your plan didn't work at all

and Freddy had to take over. - Thanks.

And Hine, you did so well to stay in the same room

while Freddy swapped those rats round.

Who knew you could climb a curtain so fast?

- I'm quite proud of myself.

- We conquered our primary school fears tonight, girl.

- Aw, I wish I had something terrible to overcome.

My early years were quite incredible.

I was the school captain

and I was in charge of the flag, so--

- It's okay that we leave cleanup till tomorrow, right?

- The light will be better.

- And the ghost will be asleep.

[howling] [thunder rumbling]

[rat squeaking]

[playful music]