Original subtitles

[light music]

[group chattering]

- Flying bag! Watcha!

Okay, have a good day concentrating on your writing skills.

- [Ryan] I will!

- Hey, can I just have a really quick,

totally relaxed, mum word with you?

- Ugh, parents behind the line.

- Um, Ryan said

that everyone else has their pen licence but him?

- That's right.

- Can I ask why?

- He hasn't earned it yet.

- Right.

Yeah, I'm not worried.

I mean, what's there to be worried about?

It's no one's fault.

He's a good kid, I'm a good mum.

Does this look like the face of a worried mum?

- Yes.

[lighthearted music]

[group chattering]

- Bye sweetheart.

- Has Cinnamon got her pen licence?

- Oh yeah, she was the first in Year One to get it.

Cinnamon has the fine motor skills of a nine-year-old.

She did a lot of tummy time.

- Ryan's still waiting on his.

- Oh.

What writing group is he in?

- Clever Kiwi?

- Oh.

Well, he's a good little drawer.

[both chuckle]

Hi!

- What writing group is Braxton in?

- Brainy Bats.

- Well, is brainy better than clever?

Why don't they rank kids clearly?

- I think to stop parents doing what you're doing now.

[lighthearted music]

- Is this Room 11?

- No?

- Miss Love told me to take this to Room 11.

- Okay, this is the office.

Room 11 is a classroom.

Yeah?

Out the front door to the left next to Room 12.

It's got a big number 11 on the door.

- Thanks!

- No, your other left!

Yes, that way.

- I mean, am I not doing enough as a parent?

- Mm, the evidence does suggest that.

- I wouldn't worry about it.

- I would.

What are the other kids writing like?

- Um...

- [sighs] Know your competition, Jess.

Why do you think I follow

all those boring Room 1 mums on Instagram?

I'm gathering information.

No offence, Hine.

- None taken.

- You need intel.

- You need to chill out.

- Volunteer in his class and snoop around.

- You can do that?

- Yeah.

Teachers are overworked and underpaid,

and as parents, it's our job to take advantage of that.

[light music]

- Fine.

You can glue art into art books.

Do not read anything into this, we are not bonding.

[ethereal music]

- Working quietly.

- We have a parent helper in,

so let's show her our very best Room 2 behaviour, please.

Nice and quiet.

If there are any shenanigans I will separate you two.

- [Both] Yes, Miss Love.

- All right, Room 2, pens and pencil out.

Maths quiz, it's new questions today so listen carefully.

Three plus two equals?

[light music]

Eyes on your own work.

- Sorry, Miss Love.

- Eight minus one equals?

And...

Extras for experts,

seven times seven plus one.

- 50.

[Jess coughs]

- Everyone doing their own work, please.

[cheerful music]

- How'd you go?

- Great, yeah.

Oh, his artwork is so good.

His pizza aliens, they really look like pizza aliens.

- But no pen licence yet?

- No, no.

- I'm the last person to create unnecessary parental stress

but there was a mother last year

whose son never got his P.L.

- And?

- He's repeating Year One.

- Oh god, that's so embarrassing.

I mean, if that's what that child needs

we should be nothing but supportive.

- Oh, no judgement , but she's not a very good parent.

He has unlimited screen time.

If I was you, I would do anything to get that pen licence.

- Anything?

- That's what I said.

[alarm rings] [light music]

[children chattering]

- How was your day?

- I've got homework.

- I can help you 'cause mum will do anything

to get you that pen licence.

[cheerful music]

- Malo e Lelei Kate Shepherds and Shepherdesses,

a reminder that Kapa Haka is cancelled today

due to a school-wide poi shortage.

- Here's your homework.

- It looks different.

- Oh, yeah, no you just haven't seen it for a while,

so you can't remember what it looks like.

- It's longer.

- Yeah, but it's definitely your work.

Definitely, just with a better ending,

and superior letter construction.

I took your advice.

- Finally.

- What did you do?

- I helped Ryan with his homework.

- You encouraged him to love to learn?

- Yes.

And I did it for him.

- Oh, Jess.

Heather said I should! - No, that's not what I said.

- Yeah, you said I should do anything.

- That doesn't sound like me.

- No, you inferred

that he would repeat Year One if I didn't.

- I meant play Mozart, use flash cards,

intimidate teachers into giving well-deserved advantages.

Bet you wish you'd listened to me now.

- Mr Coxhead wants to see...

Yes?

Ah, Jesa-sa?

Jessa?

Jesus?

- Jess?

- Ooh. Ooh.

[Heather mumbling]

[cheerful music]

- Okay, ask Miss Love to sign that and bring it back.

[door rattling]

It's a push, love.

You used it probably like five seconds ago coming in.

Push.

[Ryan grunting]

There you go.

- Am I in trouble?

- At Kate Sheppard no one's ever in trouble,

they're just in an opportunity to learn.

Actually, this is about Ryan.

- As a single mother it's really hard to find time

to concentrate on his fine motor skills.

- He did really well in the maths quiz yesterday,

and his writing-

- Oh, yeah, you liked that?

- Great ending.

- Yeah, well the trick is to learn a lesson

and keep it simple. [giggles]

- Sorry I'm late, PVA ingestion situation.

- This is Livia,

she curates the gifted class at Kate Sheppard.

- Hi. [gasps]

You think Ryan's gifted?

[upbeat music]

[Livia chuckles]

[light music]

- Oh, thanks love.

- You're welcome, love.

- You're very polite. - You too.

Have a nice day.

- Your classroom's the other way!

Push.

There you go.

- I've seen your child's recent output

and I'd like to invite you to tour our gifted facility.

- Oh, look. To be honest I really don't-

- Our course focuses on fine motor skills,

science and outshining the other classes.

[Jess chuckles]

- Tell me more.

[cheerful music]

- Ryan's been offered a spot in the Gifted Habitat?

- Well, it's just a tour,

which we'll take out of courtesy and then politely decline.

- Since he's only there

because you did his homework for him?

- Do you think that means I'm gifted?

- [Heather And Hine] No.

- Cinnamon is more gifted than Ryan.

No offence. - Some taken.

- Braxton does good impersonations.

He does a great Heather.

"Don't eat sugar 'cause it'll make you bad at maths."

[Jess and Hine laugh]

- They did a study.

Excuse me ladies.

Don't talk to Phil. - I need to talk to Phil.

- Braxton nails her storming-out face.

[Jess and Hine laugh]

[cheerful music]

- Is my poi in lost property?

- Did you lose it on the roof again?

That's the third time this week.

Aren't you in the Gifted Habitat?

Yeah?

All right, I'll ask Freddy to help you.

He loves constantly getting things off the school roof.

Jeepers.

[Heather shrieks]

♪ A

♪ E

♪ I

♪ O, U

- [Phil] Piko.

♪ Piko, piko, piko

- Cinnamon forgot her art homework.

Which is so unlike her

as she has an almost photographic memory.

- Oh.

[cheerful music]

Is this really her work?

- Yes.

- She just turned six.

- Clearly an early bloomer.

- This is what Cinnamon drew yesterday.

- An early and fast bloomer.

You don't have any issue with these two

being from the same artist within a 24-hour time frame?

- Children can have dramatic leaps in their learning.

You must be so embarrassed that you didn't know that.

- Cinnamon is a very talented girl.

I would say gifted, wouldn't you?

- Cinnamon is a very talented girl.

- Gifted girl.

- Gifted is a big leap from talented.

- What's it gonna take Phil?

[upbeat music]

I promised not to go on another field trip all year

if he let me do the tour.

- 'Cause you yelled at those kids on the bus last time?

- The wipers on the bus go swish swish swish,

not swish swash swish.

- I thought you were against cheating?

- It's not cheating to give my female daughter

the same opportunities as the patriarchy.

If we can get a girl in The Wiggles

we can get my girl in the Gifted Habitat.

- Let's just agree we're both terrible parents.

- I agree to no such thing.

- Hey?

Phil said I should come,

since Braxton and Cinnamon are on the same level.

Brainy-wise.

[classic music]

- Welcome to the Gifted Habitat,

featuring state-of-the-art technology,

a teacher ratio of five to one

and 99% success rate for early admissions to Intermediate.

- Wow!

- I feel like the colours are brighter in here?

- It's a special UV light.

Not a lot of people notice that.

- Well, I am an artist by trade so...

- I loved that eczema pamphlet you designed.

- Thank you.

Well, I was really inspired by Francis Bacon's early work.

Well, the children are currently all

at their daily music lessons so it is a good time to-

[bell dings]

- To what?

- Shh.

Freeze.

- Is that your text alert?

- Like a ghost school bell?

- Or quite a slow cow?

- Shh. [bell dings]

And unfreeze.

We practise mindfulness so pause every 20 minutes,

just to breathe.

- Oh, wow. - Wow.

- Do the kids still get to play?

- The breaks are slightly shorter

but they are less frequent.

- I'm out.

- Hine!

- Would you like to explore the celebration

of achievement nook?

- [Jess And Heather] Yes, please.

- I'll leave you to it. - Oh.

Is it bad that I want Ryan and Cinnamon to be in this class?

- No. - Even if they're

not technically gifted?

- They have been gifted with excellent mothers.

And studies show that if a child believes they're smart

they'll do better at school.

- So we're actually helping them

by lying about their talents?

- It's not lying, it's positive truth massage.

That's what parenting is.

- It's not taking another kid's spot?

- What, a child that's gifted

and therefore will probably be fine?

- Oh, you're a gifted parent.

- I get that a lot.

Don't touch.

[light music]

[water spattering]

- Congratulations.

A gifted child is often the result of genetics

and/or exceptional parenting.

- Thank you so much.

No one has ever said- - Oh, shh.

- Bing dong dong.

- As part of the course we use an app

to keep the parents updated 24/7.

- Finally.

- So does that mean that I could see

that he's improving in like writing, for example

but for no specific reason?

- Everyone can see. - Everyone?

- We have a transparency policy.

All grades are public.

It encourages healthy competition

and weeds out the underachievers.

- So everyone can see her marks

before I intervene and correct them?

- Yes.

Also, every child plays an instrument.

In Year One, it's the recorder.

- Oh.

[light music]

- A reminder for all students to bring plastic bags,

wool and a gold coin

for the poi making fundraiser tomorrow in the library.

- There's not a lot of art up?

- We like to focus on the more important things.

Now, I just need to get their year's worth of grades

and then we can start on a goal pyramid.

- Well, ah, we can get

that entirely accurate documentation for you, right?

- No need. I can access it all here.

- But should you?

- Sorry?

- Spider! - Sorry?

- Gone now.

- Okay.

[exciting music]

Right.

Ah...

Ryan doesn't have a pen licence?

- How would you define have?

[cheerful music]

Then, yes, it's true, Ryan doesn't have his pen licence

but he's such a good drawer.

- Okay, this is not an art class; it's a smart class.

- Oh, judgmental much.

- Excuse me?

- Well, no excuse me.

It's just you're coming off quite elitist

and I don't know if I want my child to be taught

by someone who doesn't appreciate all children.

- Oh, I definitely was not going to offer you a place.

You're clearly not Gifted Habitat material.

- Excuse me, no one disses my friend but me.

And I only do it to encourage her.

Ryan is kind and funny and he never smells weird.

Jess is doing a great job.

- Thank you.

And if you don't want Ryan then you can't have Cinnamon.

So there's no point in looking up her marks,

but know that she would be an asset

because Heather is the best at mumming.

[ball clattering]

- Mumming isn't even a word.

[cheerful music]

- Hey.

- Hey, so I decided not to enrol Ryan

in the gifted programme.

- Oh, ka pai.

- Well, actually, they turned him down but I was like,

"Well if you don't want him, you can't have him".

- You're doing a good job. [Jess sighs]

He's a nice kid.

- Thanks.

Braxton's pretty sweet too.

- Yeah. He's very good at bubble baths.

- Oh, I bet. Yeah.

- Where's Heather?

- I'd like to thank you for the offer of the gifted class

but I've decided to decline.

- But you made me?

- Well, that's neither here nor there.

The only reason is that they learn the recorder

and I will not have that instrument of torture in my house.

- Cinnamon's very smart.

She's an excellent negotiator.

- She is?

- I gave her a gold star for her Weta Inquiry Project

and she argued me up to three gold stars and a rainbow.

- [chuckles] That's my girl.

You're a good teacher, Phil.

- And you're a very complicated parent.

- Thank you.

And obviously, this makes our deal null and void,

so I'll be coming on every school trip this year.

[cheerful music]

[alarm rings] [children chattering]

- Yah. All right, go play in the playground,

and know that I love you just as you are.

[Jess sighs]

[Jess clears throat]

I helped Ryan with his maths test yesterday.

- I know.

- And his writing homework.

- I liked your ending.

- Thank you.

Why did you let me go on the gifted tour

if he didn't deserve it?

- We learn more from our mistakes than our successes,

don't you think?

Ryan wrote a new story today.

- "My mum is my hero."

- Nice, clear voice.

- "My mum is my hero.

[gentle music]

She is good at drawing and pizza and she never gives up.

When I grow up I want to be good at drawing

and pizza and never give oop."

- His writing's not great

but he's on track to get his licence soon.

- Thank you.

- You're good at making pizza?

- Oh, no, no, no.

Good at eating it.

♪ For you

♪ I will be there, all of my friends ♪

♪ For you

- Oh, I'm so not worried

about him getting his pen licence anymore.

He will figure it out.

- I'm not worried about Cinnamon.

She's as amazing as I constantly tell her she is.

- I was never worried about Braxton

but I'll agree for the sake of symmetry.

- Thank you for sticking up for me today.

- No one is mean to my friend but me.

♪ How grateful are we

♪ To share cups of tea

♪ To sit on the lawn and sing all day long ♪

[light music]