Original subtitles

[gentle music]

- Good morning Kate Sheppard Primary.

It's everyone's fourth favourite day: Sausage Sizzle Day.

Funds raised will go towards rebuilding

after the school fire.

That was definitely an accident.

- Oh, hey, hey there.

Hi and.

That's my new friend, Heather.

We just play this game

where she just pretends to be annoyed at me

like all the time. [Jess laughs]

Good morning.

- Kia ora!

See you at the library?

- Yes.

[gentle music] [bell rings]

Yeah.

Have fun with your new friends.

- Have fun with your new sausages.

- Oh and have fun with your

sausages.

[gentle music]

Can I just?

- Why do you hate this school so much?

- Oh, I don't? I love it.

I mean we've only been here for a week,

but I love it already.

It's so tidy.

- That's crack up

'cause I just thought since you like killing the environment

with your single-use lifestyle,

you were one of those school haters.

- Oh, this isn't even mine it's, I'll just.

[cup rattles]

Old bull rush injury.

- Don't pick it up.

You trying to take my job as well?

- So sorry.

- Could the caretaker please make his way

to the boys' toilets by the music room.

We have a code brown.

- I was having a really good day til then.

- I'm sorry.

[upbeat music]

Hey, oh, um.

Sorry I'm late.

- Morena, Jess.

- Morena, Hine.

- I'm glad you could finally join us.

- Morena, Heather.

- Today is the most important day

of our fundraising careers.

It'll set the tone for our year as parent volunteers

and we need to work as a team.

Even though I could quite easily do this job on my own.

- Before we start, I just wanna say,

as a single mother who's just moved here

with not a lot of family close by,

it's really nice to get the chance to make new friends.

- I think of us more as colleagues.

- Well you know a lot of people make friends

with the people they work with.

- I'm not most people.

- Okay, colleague.

Well I have made us a sign using my initiative

and meatiest font.

- You called it Sausage Fest?

- Yeah.

- Is that a sausage in the middle?

- Uh huh.

- And the two large, round things at the base are?

- They're coins.

- I'll get a senior kid to make us a new sign.

- Yeah, good call.

- I've timed today out perfectly

and Jess' lateness only puts us back a few minutes.

- I'm sorry, I've never done a sausage sizzle before.

- Yes, I can tell.

It's time for you to go get the sausages.

- Yes, I'll go get them from the freezer.

- Don't you mean the fridge?

[gentle music]

Yesterday I clearly said put these in the fridge.

- In my family the words fridge

and freezer are kind of interchangeable.

Plus, I didn't listen.

- We call ours the Chilly Apiata 'cause it's cool.

- Maybe only Hine and I should do the sizzle

since I did it last year and Hine knows what a fridge is.

- Oh, no, no, no, this is my fault, I can fix it.

Maybe I can defrost them in the staff microwave?

- Well, it's better than nothing.

- Hey, that's my motto.

Also, how I choose a lot of my boyfriends.

- Good luck with Margot.

- Okay.

[gentle music]

Hey, can I use your microwave?

- I'm sorry, who are you?

- Jess from yesterday.

I put the sausages in the staff freezer.

- Shouldn't you have put them in the staff fridge?

- Yeah, well, that's why I need the staff microwave.

- Sorry, it's for staff only.

- But you let me use the freezer yesterday?

- I don't recall giving you any permission.

- Okay look, I've got some sausages with hypothermia

and I really need to impress my fundraising colleagues

slash potential new best friends.

- Oh no, I appear to have forgotten my lunch.

Whatever will I eat?

- Oh, ah.

I've got $2 and a packet of raisins.

- I like sausages.

- Oh, yeah.

Yeah, well I mean,

there'll definitely be free sausages for staff,

if only I could find somewhere to defrost them?

- For all staff?

- Yeah.

Morning, scary lady.

We just have to give the teachers free sausages.

You're welcome.

- Do you know what the street value

of the sausages you just gave away is?

- No?

- Hine?

- $52.72 plus GST.

- Wow, we got a lot of staff.

- And they're all heroes, but just to be clear,

you've cost our fundraiser $50 before we've even started.

I'm demoting you to permission slips.

You do know how to sort slips?

- Yeah.

- It's just what sausage kids have ordered

and if they've paid.

- Oh yeah, I can totally do that.

- You have the confidence of a much more reliable mum.

- I still get the feeling

that Heather doesn't like me very much.

- Yeah, I get that feeling too.

[gentle music]

- Well, hey, Mia.

- I've got the poster that the bossy mum asked for.

- Yeah, she tried to boss me around the other day,

it didn't end well, for her.

Wow, this looks really good, well done.

- Thank you.

- You can take that down to the library.

- That's a weird place to have a sausage sizzle.

- All mums are weird, dear.

Except for yours.

- Obviously.

- Yeah.

[gentle music]

- Why are you outta class?

- 'Cause I'm a grownup?

And also, I was collecting permission slips

for the sausage sizzle I'm doing with my nearly-friends.

- Is that the meat-loving, air-polluting sausage sizzle

that no one consulted me about?

- It's not how I'd framed it but, yeah.

- Yeah, I'm gona give you till the count of three

to go back to where you belong.

- Now, only mums can do the count of--

- One, two and a half.

[gentle music]

- That was quick.

- Yeah, I ran because time is a factor

and not because I'm scared of the caretaker.

- There's a few people around here

that think they're the boss of everything.

- Is this your best work, Mia G?

- Yeah.

- If you think I'm impressed

with your pedestrian font choice, you're very much mistaken.

- Where do I put these posters?

- Give it to the mean mum.

- Do you think she heard that?

- Yes, I heard that.

[gentle music]

- I'm really excited today because

we're getting free sausages.

Shh!

Yep, I've lied 'cause I've told people

that I'm gonna get like one but I'll probably get like--

- Where's your recycling box?

- Oh no, they didn't like your poster?

- No, the mean mum said my font was too pedestrian.

- Her face is pedestrian.

Here, then give that to Freddy to recycle, eh?

- Cool, Freddy's so friendly.

- Yeah, he sure is.

[upbeat music]

- Hey.

You're not a mean mum.

You're just differently nice. - I don't care what that tween

with the derivative poster concepts thinks.

- Well you shouldn't 'cause you're doing an amazing job.

- I've had a lot of colleague issues to deal with.

- Well, colleagues,

rapidly blossoming bosom buddies, whatever.

- I don't think you understand the importance of today?

- Hey, woah, woah.

Look, it's just a primary school sausage sizzle?

- It's the school's fourth favourite day.

After Crazy Hair Day, Ice Block Tuesday,

and the Bi-annual Book Day Dress-up Take a Book at Me Now".

- You've cooked these right?

- I haven't had a chance

and I don't appreciate your passive aggressive comments

about my time management skills.

[gentle music]

- Have you done a lot of this fundraising, Hine?

- Oh, I've had five kids go through Kate Sheppard.

I know how to sizzle a sausage

and which monkey bars break the most arms.

- Senior playground?

- Those things are lethal.

[bell rings]

- One, two, three, ears on me.

A reminder to students not to share your morning tea.

We've had a number of complaints from parents

whose feelings were hurt

because kids preferred other mums' food.

Oh and allergies.

- Hey, Hine, what's the Friendship Bench?

- When kids don't have anyone to play with,

they sit on the Friendship Bench to show they need a friend.

It's mostly just weirdos

and that one kid with the dead tooth.

Oh and sometimes cool kids as well.

- I guess he wants to make friends.

He just accidentally keeps freezing the sausages.

- He'll figure it out.

He just needs to pay a little bit more attention

to what he's doing.

- Maybe he can make up for it

with excellent slip organisation?

- Maybe?

- Ah, yes, yeah.

- Jess.

- Ah sorry!

- When you defrosted these,

you did separate out the halal, vegan, and kosher sausages

and clearly label them?

- I did not, my friend.

- Colleague.

- We'll get there.

- You would've noticed on the slips

that we offer a range of options

to important members of our community.

If we don't know which sausage is which,

by school law we can't sell them

and children will go hungry.

- Is there anything I can do?

- Not unless you could turn back time.

- Well I'm not Cher. [Jess laughs]

- Then you can sit quietly and think about what you've done.

I'll have to order more.

The children shouldn't miss out

because a mum didn't put her thinking cap on.

Hine, I need you to order more

of the most expensive sausages

to be delivered within the hour for extra cost.

- Also, I think we need some more gluten-free bread

'cause I think this stuff's gone stale.

- That's what gluten-free bread always feels like.

[gentle music]

- The sausage sizzle is less than an hour away.

Please remember to line up politely.

Anyone caught pushing in will be on litter duty

for the rest of the term with Miss Love.

[gentle music]

- [Merchant] We can deliver in 35 minutes.

- They can deliver in 35 minutes.

- That's cutting it very fine.

Ask if they know who I am.

- Do you know who she is?

- [Merchant] No not at all.

- This is starting to feel quite stressful.

- Ah, is that because it's your fault

a lot of children will have no lunch today?

- I never thought about it like that.

- Where are the slips?

- Well, I know how you love organisation

so I put all the permission slips into a green box.

A green box.

Green box.

- You put them in the green recycling bin

that Braxton Hicks just took?

- You guys are so efficient with recycling.

- You need to pay better attention.

Those slips tell us which sausage parents have ordered

and whether they've paid.

They're probably with the caretaker by now.

Off you go.

- Oh no, no.

I don't wanna bother him.

He's probably got heaps of care to take

and kids'll be honest.

They'll remember what they ordered?

Hey, kid, did you order a sausage today?

- Yes?

- Yeah, you remember what sausage you ordered?

- A meat one.

- Ah, see, there you go.

No trip to the caretaker needed.

- Did your mum order you a vegetarian one?

- Yes.

- Vegan?

- Yes.

- Halal?

- [Boy] Yes.

- [Heather] Capricorn?

- Yes.

- Pythagoras?

- [Boy] Yes.

- Palmerston North?

- Yes.

- Yeah, maybe I'll just go to the recycling.

- Do what you think is best.

[upbeat music]

- Hey, hey I was just.

- Argh.

- Freddy, I accidentally put something into the recycling

and I need it back

so that kids don't ingest unapproved meats.

- Was it paper? - Yes.

- Yeah, that's fine.

- Well it's just that if I don't get it,

then scary lady won't be my friend.

- Why do you want a scary lady to be your friend?

- Single mum in a new town, take what I can get.

- She's gonna hate your guts

'cause the recycle truck came two minutes ago.

- You guys are so efficient with your recycling.

[upbeat music]

- If you don't have the slips,

I can't let you give them out randomly.

At Kate Sheppard, we follow the rules

because the rules are cool.

- But the kids haven't brought lunch?

They'll go hungry.

- Maybe we can just give them away for free?

- I don't think you know how fundraising works.

I told you that I didn't need this one.

[girls arguing]

- And flat tyre, shh.

- [Both] Shh.

- I'm sorry ladies.

We can't risk giving the wrong food to the wrong kid.

I'll make an announcement at lunchtime notices.

The sausage sizzle is cancelled.

[gentle music]

- I'm so sorry.

This is all my fault.

I actually just wanted to impress you,

but I may have lacked a little bit of focus.

- I don't know why you bothered.

That B minus child artist was right, I am a mean mum.

Mean as in average.

- Hey, woah, you are anything but average, okay?

You volunteer for a job most parents actively avoid,

you work your butt off for free,

and you have dealt with me the whole day

and haven't even exploded.

That's someone I'd like to be friends with.

- Plus last week I revolutionised the road patrol roster.

- Yes, you did.

- It might surprise you to know

that I don't actually have a lot of friends at this school.

- That does surprise me.

[gentle music]

- Did you fix it?

- Yes.

- Oh my gosh.

Did you learn that

just by watching a YouTube instructional video?

- Yes.

- You're amazing.

- Yes.

- Ah, do I look 26?

- Yes.

- Do I look like I do yoga?

- Yes. - Pilat's.

- Yes. - Te's?

- Yes.

- Do I look like I do marathons?

Think about that one just for two seconds.

And?

- Yes. - Oh my gosh, I love you.

- The vegan sausies've arrived.

Should I start prepping?

- No.

There's nothing we can do without the permission slips.

- Incorrect.

I make mistakes on a semi-regular basis

and there's always something you can do.

Like one time I got Ryan stuck

in a toddler swing at the park

but with a little optimism

and a sharp house key I got him out.

I reckon we can do this.

- We have got three whole minutes

before we're out of time.

- Okay, we just need to focus

and don't get distracted by kids.

Hey kid, the recycling's already gone out for the day.

- Oh, that's not recycling, that's compost.

They're both in green bins 'cause you know, Papatuanuku,

the earth?

- So I might have put the slips in a green compost bin?

- Then they might still be here?

- [Jess] Ah.

- Then we could salvage our reputations

as the world's greatest fundraisers.

- And feed the hungry children.

- Yes, that too.

- Jess?

[upbeat music]

- What do you want?

- I think I put something in the compost, not the recycling.

- As long as it's not treated timber or dairy,

I'm fine with it. - Can I just take a look?

- Ah, can't really let you have a look.

Mainly 'cause I don't really want to and also cause of OSH.

- Hi, Freddy is it?

- Who's this?

- That's my friend.

Oh, she's crazy.

- We need you to move aside so we can get our slips

and continue our sausage fest.

- You don't know the first thing

about the caretaker business, do you?

- You're right.

What would a mum know about taking care?

It's pretty much a complete fluke that my daughter

is the above national average child she is today.

Do you know that it's actually impossible to run a household

and a part time cup cakery

and still keep four and half guinea pigs alive.

And who knows how the cleaning fairy gets it done?

Unless she's a cleaning fairy who looks a lot like me!

- You're complicated.

I really like that.

Yeah, you can have a look.

- And we'll give you a free sausage.

- Yeah, have you got vegan ones?

- Yeah.

- We do actually.

- Oh, mean.

- Mean, mean.

Mean as in cool.

- We got them!

With possibly a staph infection.

- One, two, three ears on me.

- He's gonna cancel the sizzle!

- Not if I can help it.

- Unfortunately, today's fundraising sausage sizzle.

[upbeat music]

♪ Get out quick

♪ When my momma go, I go

♪ When my momma go, I go

- Should be good.

- Okay.

♪ When my momma go, I go

♪ When my momma go, I go

♪ Stick around here, no, no, no ♪

- I know what, I'm gonna hold, and then you talk.

- Okay.

Unfortunately, today's fundraising sausage sizzle is--

- Is going to be the best sausage fest ever!

♪ Lucky me

♪ Got my happy ever after

♪ All I need is my happy ever after ♪

♪ Happy ever, happy ever after

♪ It's so obvious

♪ There's a reason for this

♪ No regrets

- Hey, what do you need?

- Can you buy a sausage for my friend?

- You made a friend?

Yes, I knew my relaxed parenting strategy would pay off.

- What kind of sausage would you like, new friend.

A meat one?

- Yes.

- Yeah or would your mum prefer you had a vegetarian one?

- Yes.

- Okay, I'm just gonna get you a vegan one

with some delicious gluten-free bread

just to keep those dietary restrictions covered.

♪ All I need is my happy ever after ♪

♪ Happy ever, happy ever after

♪ Lucky me

♪ Got my happy

- I'm so full of sausies.

- You had a lot actually.

- Oh, I just about forgot,

I offered to pay for a couple of kids

who I found out are struggling this week.

- Yes, me too.

- Oh yes, me three.

- So, that makes our total?

- $463 and a packet of raisins.

- That's double what we made last year.

- I just need to take off the extra sausages

and the one hour delivery fee

and the subsequent speeding ticket

and the school wants us to pay for the gas bottle,

sauce, and gloves.

$243.50.

- And a packet of raisins.

- And a packet of raisins.

- What's our funding goal again?

- 150,000.

- Does seems like a lot.

- It is.

- But, we do have a whole year.

- Bring it on.

[upbeat music]