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00:00:02,435 --> 00:00:04,203
MALCOLM:
This is the world--
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00:00:04,237 --> 00:00:05,639
196 million square miles.
3
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,908
If I covered 100 square miles
an hour
4
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:10,043
every hour
for the rest of my life
5
00:00:10,077 --> 00:00:12,145
I'd still only see half of it.
6
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:16,249
This is the left nostril
of my brother Reese.
7
00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:19,753
It squeaks all night long.
8
00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:21,689
These are
the freezing cold feet
9
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:23,724
of my little brother... Dewey.
10
00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:25,993
This is my oldest brother
Francis.
11
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,761
He's the one I really like
12
00:00:27,795 --> 00:00:30,664
so, of course, he got sent
to military school.
13
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:31,865
My name is Malcolm.
14
00:00:31,899 --> 00:00:34,001
You want to know
what the best thing
15
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,068
about childhood is?
16
00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:37,437
At some point, it stops.
17
00:00:37,470 --> 00:00:41,174
♪ Yes, no, maybe
18
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,176
♪ I don't know
19
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:47,114
♪ Can you repeat the question?
20
00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:51,685
♪ You're not the boss of me now
and you're not so big ♪
21
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,621
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
22
00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:56,123
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
23
00:00:56,156 --> 00:00:58,626
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
24
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:01,862
♪ And you're not so big
25
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:06,566
♪ Life is unfair.
26
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,272
WOMAN :
♪ It's your thing
27
00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:13,707
♪ Do what you wanna do...
28
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,909
Malcolm, Reese, Dewey,
get in here!
29
00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:19,046
♪ I can't tell you
who to sock it to ♪
30
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,381
♪ Who to sock it to...
31
00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:23,050
No, stop!
I'm not touching...
32
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,317
There's only two
toaster waffles.
33
00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:25,919
One of you has
to have cereal.
34
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:28,088
It's mine!
35
00:01:28,121 --> 00:01:29,222
Come on!
36
00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:30,290
Give it!
37
00:01:30,323 --> 00:01:31,591
You cheated!
38
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:32,793
Give it! Give it!
39
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:35,562
Huh, look at this.
40
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:38,231
They're sending an unmanned probe to Venus
41
00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:41,501
and letting a bunch of
schoolchildren name it.
42
00:01:41,534 --> 00:01:43,170
Well, that's going
to end badly.
43
00:01:43,203 --> 00:01:44,404
They do this every month.
44
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:45,639
He has sensitive skin.
45
00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:48,275
The hair gets itchy
under his clothes.
46
00:01:48,308 --> 00:01:49,777
It always seems
like such a shame
47
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:51,444
to just dump this
in the trash.
48
00:01:51,478 --> 00:01:53,146
Maybe birds would like
to make nests with it
49
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,916
or, I don't know, maybe you boys could use it for school projects.
50
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,150
Arms up.
51
00:01:57,184 --> 00:01:59,086
Malcolm, come right home
from school.
52
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,688
Dude.
53
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:02,022
Malcolm, you come right home
from school today.
54
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,623
I made a play date for you
with Stevie Kenarban
55
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:04,457
and you have
to take a bath.
56
00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:06,326
What? Mom, no!
57
00:02:06,359 --> 00:02:07,627
Malcolm
has a play date?!
58
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:08,662
Shut up, Reese!
59
00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:10,764
With Stevie "The
Wheelie" Kenarban?
60
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:11,699
Oh, man!
61
00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:14,101
Why is playing
a problem for you?
62
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,803
First off,
63
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,637
I don't even know Stevie.
I saw his mother
64
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:19,940
at the grocery story. She said
you boys ate lunch together.
65
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:20,808
One time.
66
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:23,010
He rolled his wheelchair
over next to me.
67
00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:25,612
It's not like
I couldn't say, "go away."
68
00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,447
He's not even
in my class.
69
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:28,716
He's in the Krelboyne class
70
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:30,350
in the trailer
next to tetherball.
71
00:02:30,383 --> 00:02:31,952
You listen to me,
young man.
72
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,221
That one lunch obviously
meant a lot to Stevie.
73
00:02:34,254 --> 00:02:35,989
He's a human being
with human feelings.
74
00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:38,625
Now, you are going to be friends with
that crippled boy
75
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:40,627
and you are going to like it.
Understood?
76
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,362
Yes, ma'am. Understood.
77
00:02:42,395 --> 00:02:45,799
If I give up now,
I won't get the lecture.
78
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,334
You kids...
Dang.
79
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,136
You just take your legs
for granted, you know?
80
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,638
Like nothing could ever happen to them.
Well, let me tell you something.
81
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:52,806
That is just
wishful thinking.
82
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,541
There's meningitis.
There are car accidents.
83
00:02:54,574 --> 00:02:56,744
I could be giving
you a spanking
84
00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:58,345
and accidentally snap
your spinal cord.
85
00:02:58,378 --> 00:02:59,913
Every day is a lottery
86
00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:01,915
and first prize
is that you don't have to scoot
87
00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:04,517
yourself around town on
a skateboard with your hands.
88
00:03:04,551 --> 00:03:05,819
You think about that.
89
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:08,155
I don't take my legs
for granted, Mom.
90
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,490
I know, honey,
you're a good boy.
91
00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:12,926
Stop playing with yourself.
92
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,731
Go on, just go.
93
00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:19,566
LOIS:
No, wait, wait, wait.
94
00:03:19,599 --> 00:03:20,868
Okay, okay, okay,
I ran out of ham.
95
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:23,336
One of you has
to have egg salad, okay?
96
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,205
And don't ditch
your little brother.
97
00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:26,907
I don't want him
getting kidnapped.
98
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:29,509
Yeah, Mom, that
would be terrible.
99
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,278
It's your turn
to walk with him.
100
00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:33,113
I walked him yesterday
and the day before.
101
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:35,883
I walked with him
when he wet his pants.
102
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,450
Okay.
103
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,523
Mom said to hold hands.
104
00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:45,258
She did not say
to hold hands, Dewey.
105
00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:46,693
I'm not holding hands.
106
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,528
Come on, hold hands. Please?
107
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,697
No! You're in
the first grade.
108
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,766
You're too big for that.
109
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:56,203
Look, I'm walking
right next to you.
110
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,071
You'll be fine.
111
00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:02,709
Damn it! This is why
everyone teases you.
112
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,211
Hey, Malcolm.
113
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,245
Hey, Richard.
114
00:04:05,278 --> 00:04:08,148
So my mom was telling
my dad last night
115
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:09,382
about your brother.
116
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,284
She said he's in jail.
117
00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:12,719
He's not in jail.
118
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,221
He's at Marlin Academy.
119
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:17,557
It's, like, one of the best private schools
in the country
120
00:04:17,589 --> 00:04:19,226
and it's totally unfair.
121
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:22,595
Everyone acts like Francis
is just this big troublemaker
122
00:04:22,629 --> 00:04:23,931
and he's not.
123
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:26,066
Dad, I know
what you're going to say
124
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,568
and believe me,
I totally agree with you.
125
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,403
There is no excuse
for what I did.
126
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:33,240
It was idiotic, immature,
totally reckless
127
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,842
and I'm really sorry.
128
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:36,743
I'm just...
I'm hoping against hope
129
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:39,847
that you will give me
another chance, which, I admit
130
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,181
I don't deserve
131
00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:44,351
but if you could just
find it in your heart
132
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:45,685
to forgive me
133
00:04:45,718 --> 00:04:48,521
I know I could earn
your trust back.
134
00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:51,191
It's not like it
was even our car.
135
00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:52,792
Spath, Spath, Spath!
136
00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:55,128
Spath:
All right,
137
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:56,529
Here's how it works.
138
00:04:56,563 --> 00:04:58,598
You can beg for mercy
on your belly
139
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:01,034
lick the bottom
of my shoes
140
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:02,502
or take a beating.
141
00:05:02,535 --> 00:05:04,771
You must pick at least two
142
00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:06,773
but... but-but,
if you pick three
143
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:09,109
you get a pass
for the next two weeks.
144
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,477
All right?
145
00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:12,279
Now, that's your best value.
146
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,646
MALCOLM:
Dave Spath.
147
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,382
He never gets sent anywhere.
148
00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:17,784
What do you do
if he catches you?
149
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:18,685
Roll in a ball.
150
00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:20,520
What if he starts
kicking you?
151
00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:22,155
Stay in a ball.
152
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,124
Okay. Come on.
153
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,160
Wait.
154
00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:30,630
Never mind.
155
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:38,638
WOMAN:
Those of you finished
with your tempera paints
156
00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:39,706
may bring your work up here
157
00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:41,041
and start on
your charcoal still lifes.
158
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:43,410
You may take two pieces of fruit only
159
00:05:43,443 --> 00:05:45,312
and please be careful with them.
160
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,680
I bought them with my own money.
161
00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:50,550
My own money.
162
00:05:52,552 --> 00:05:55,022
God, Malcolm, that's so good.
163
00:06:01,594 --> 00:06:02,930
Oh, Malcolm,
this is wonderful.
164
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:05,398
The perspective
is good.
165
00:06:05,432 --> 00:06:06,699
The composition is clean
166
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:09,002
and it even shows signs
of actual technique.
167
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:11,204
I have to say this is the high point of my day.
168
00:06:12,805 --> 00:06:14,975
How's that for sad?
169
00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:30,423
Are you okay?
170
00:06:30,457 --> 00:06:32,559
Um, yeah, I'm fine.
171
00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:34,194
TEACHER:
Malcolm.
172
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,028
What?
173
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,297
They need to see you
in the office.
174
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:40,533
Okay.
175
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:43,636
I think they mean right now.
176
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:45,305
Okay.
177
00:06:48,841 --> 00:06:50,944
Get up, Malcolm.
178
00:06:58,518 --> 00:07:00,220
Hi. I'm Caroline.
179
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,921
Want to have a seat?
180
00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:04,657
Are you Malcolm?
181
00:07:04,691 --> 00:07:07,494
Yes, and I didn't
do anything.
182
00:07:07,527 --> 00:07:08,728
You're not in trouble, Malcolm.
183
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:10,563
You're here
'cause some of your teachers
184
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,165
think you're, um...
you know what?
185
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:14,767
I just want to play
some games with you.
186
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:17,404
Okay? Puzzles, stuff like that.
Why?
187
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,139
Boy, oh, boy
188
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:22,242
you are a suspicious
little dickens, aren't you?
189
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:26,646
Okay. Now, you can look
at this picture for 60 seconds
190
00:07:26,679 --> 00:07:27,814
and I want you to tell me
191
00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:29,749
everything that's wrong
with it, okay?
192
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,618
The man only has
four fingers.
193
00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:33,820
Right, but this time
194
00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:37,124
I want you to take your time
and really look...
195
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:39,126
The car shadow's
going the wrong way,
196
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,860
the steering wheel's
on the wrong side,
197
00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:42,262
there's no
brake pedal,
198
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,830
the words in the mirror
should be backwards,
199
00:07:43,863 --> 00:07:45,698
the guy's watch
wouldn't say 12:00
200
00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:47,600
if he's looking at a sunset
201
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,602
and I have red paint on my ass.
202
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:50,670
That's right.
203
00:07:50,703 --> 00:07:53,673
Red paint all over my ass!
204
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:19,899
♪ I'm coming home,
I've done my time... ♪
205
00:08:19,932 --> 00:08:21,868
These are good cookies.
206
00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:25,972
:
Yeah... they're good.
207
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,875
♪ If you received my letter
telling you... ♪
208
00:08:28,908 --> 00:08:30,310
So what can you do?
209
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,645
I mean,
what do you want to do?
210
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:36,383
I know... a joke.
211
00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:38,051
Yeah? Okay.
212
00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:40,820
A guy...
213
00:08:40,852 --> 00:08:42,655
goes into...
214
00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:44,756
a bar...
215
00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:47,494
and he...
216
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:51,931
has a... frog
217
00:08:51,964 --> 00:08:53,066
on his...
218
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,601
Frog on his head.
219
00:08:54,634 --> 00:08:58,171
And the... bartender...
220
00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:01,374
Wait, I screwed up.
221
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,177
A frog...
222
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:07,247
goes into... a bar.
223
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,915
You want to watch TV?
224
00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:11,851
Can't. Not allowed.
225
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:14,887
What? You mean, ever?
226
00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:16,389
Mom says...
227
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:17,857
TV makes you...
228
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,058
stupid.
229
00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,228
No, TV makes you normal.
230
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:22,929
How can they do that?
231
00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:24,264
He's in a wheelchair.
232
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:27,066
So what do you do
all day, homework?
233
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:30,870
Mostly... read... comics.
234
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:32,605
You have comic books?
235
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:42,682
Whoa!
236
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,886
You really have
Youngblood, number one?
237
00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:49,722
Want to... read it?
238
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,459
No way. I'd wreck it.
239
00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:55,995
Oh... did you read
the last Savage Dragon
240
00:09:56,028 --> 00:09:57,664
when they split him in two?
241
00:09:57,697 --> 00:09:59,899
Yeah. Brilliant.
242
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:02,769
I like how he never has
to learn a lesson or anything.
243
00:10:02,802 --> 00:10:05,372
He just gets to
pound on everyone.
244
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:10,910
ROBOTIC VOICE:
You're under galactic arrest.
245
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:13,313
MAN:
Think again, space flatfoot.
246
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,415
ROBOTIC VOICE:
You cannot escape.
247
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,350
Saturday morning
is the only thing
248
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:20,287
my family does better
than anyone else.
249
00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:23,290
Damn!
250
00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:27,093
You boys,
you keep this house clean
251
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:28,528
till your dad comes home.
252
00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:30,930
Two of you can have
slices of pizza for lunch.
253
00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,332
The other one can have...
254
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:33,966
I don't know.
I think they're peas.
255
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:36,803
Somebody get that.
256
00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:38,471
Not it.
Not it.
257
00:10:41,674 --> 00:10:43,109
Hello.
258
00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:44,511
Young master Malcolm.
259
00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:45,812
Francis, hi.
260
00:10:45,845 --> 00:10:47,347
Hey, man,
261
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,148
I wrote you guys
a really long letter yesterday,
262
00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:51,284
but, listen, they only gave me,
like, three minutes,
263
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,453
so would you put
the special prosecutor on?
264
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,722
Mom, it's Francis.
265
00:10:58,825 --> 00:10:59,959
Hey, Francis, how's school?
266
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:01,561
Oh, couldn't be better, Mom.
267
00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:03,696
My new roommate showed me
how to kill mice
268
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:06,633
with a hammer yesterday,
so, you know, between that
269
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:09,469
and the general atmosphere
of simmering homoeroticism,
270
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,738
I think I'm really starting
to turn around.
271
00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:13,172
Honey, it's only until summer.
272
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:14,574
Come on, push it!
273
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:16,309
Give it up,
prom date.
274
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,745
Yeah, listen, um...
I know I shouldn't ask,
275
00:11:18,778 --> 00:11:20,079
but would you be able
276
00:11:20,112 --> 00:11:22,982
to send me my allowance,
like, a couple weeks early
277
00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:24,183
'cause I kind of need some...?
278
00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:26,085
Oh, my God! Are you smoking?
279
00:11:26,118 --> 00:11:27,254
What?
I can hear you smoking.
280
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:28,921
You're smoking, aren't you?
281
00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:30,990
Mom, I'm not smoking. Geez.
282
00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:32,392
After seeing the anguish
283
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:33,826
your father and I
went through to quit,
284
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,496
didn't any of that
register with you?
285
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:37,730
Okay, listen.
286
00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:39,232
I'll talk to your dad.
287
00:11:39,266 --> 00:11:41,167
Maybe we can send you
part of it.
288
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,735
Honey, I have to go.
289
00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:44,003
I'm late for work.
290
00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:45,272
I'll call you later.
291
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:47,507
Okay, thanks, Mom. I love you.
292
00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:51,578
Oh... I love you.
293
00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:58,217
Somebody get the door!
294
00:11:58,251 --> 00:11:59,786
I'm not getting it.
You get it, butt-munch.
295
00:11:59,819 --> 00:12:01,020
Shut up.
You shut up.
296
00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:02,922
No, you shut up!
Make me!
297
00:12:02,955 --> 00:12:04,457
I'll make you right now!
298
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,596
You'd better not be fighting
in there, Reese, Malcolm.
299
00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:12,799
Not my face!
300
00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:14,434
I said you'd better not
be fighting in...
301
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:17,236
For crying out loud.
302
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,506
Reese! Malcolm!
303
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:23,710
Yes. Can I help you?
304
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,312
Oh. My good... um, hi.
305
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:26,646
Hel... hello. I'm....
306
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:29,048
Are you...? I'm...
Caroline Miller
307
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:30,983
from Malcolm's school.
308
00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:32,419
I sent you some letters
309
00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:35,388
and left some messages
on your answering machine.
310
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:36,956
Okay, fine. You caught me.
What do you want?
311
00:12:36,989 --> 00:12:39,225
Um... well, it's
been three weeks
312
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:41,394
and you haven't responded,
and it's really important,
313
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,062
I mean, well,
for Malcolm's sake
314
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:44,431
that the parents be
as involved in...
315
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:47,233
So, what, you're here to insult
my parenting skills?
316
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:49,569
No. I'm sure you're
a terrific parent.
317
00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:56,443
I'm here because I think
318
00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:58,811
that there is a tremendous
opportunity for...
319
00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:01,481
Could you, you know,
maybe put a top on?
320
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:02,582
They're just boobs, lady.
321
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,150
You see them in a mirror
every morning.
322
00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:05,852
And I'm sure yours
are a lot nicer than mine.
323
00:13:05,885 --> 00:13:07,286
That's actually not...
You know what?
324
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:08,321
I'm gonna tell you
something else.
325
00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:09,522
The reason I didn't respond
326
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:12,124
is because it is
a load of crap.
What?
327
00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:13,860
You are not going
to stick my Malcolm
328
00:13:13,893 --> 00:13:14,761
in some special ed class.
329
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,262
What is it
with you people?
330
00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:17,797
Why do you feel you have
to label everybody?
331
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:19,098
Malcolm may be a little strange,
332
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,100
and, I know, I know,
he never shuts up,
333
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:22,469
but he is not disturbed.
334
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:24,103
You know, he is a good boy...
335
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:25,605
Please!
336
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,641
You know what? You don't
understand at all, okay?
337
00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:30,710
So if I could just
come in for a minute,
338
00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:33,312
I could explain
everything, okay?
339
00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:37,484
REESE:
Ow! Ow! Ow!
340
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:04,911
It's good, hon.
341
00:14:06,245 --> 00:14:07,313
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
342
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:09,616
There's something
we have to talk about.
343
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,556
I thought we weren't going
to mention Aunt Helen
344
00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:19,058
till after the biopsy.
It's not that.
345
00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:20,660
It's about Malcolm.
I didn't do it.
346
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:21,994
Yes, he did.
I saw him.
347
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:23,530
A teacher
from school came by
348
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:26,933
and she ran
some tests with Malcolm.
349
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:29,368
He has an IQ of 165.
350
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,203
Who?
351
00:14:31,237 --> 00:14:33,039
Malcolm. He's a genius.
352
00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:35,007
He's going
to a special class.
353
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,076
What?
Malcolm's special?
354
00:14:37,109 --> 00:14:38,745
Where do you think
that came from?
355
00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:40,680
They have a special program
for gifted children.
356
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,582
They have advanced textbooks
and devoted teachers
357
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,383
and all sorts of good things
they don't want to waste
358
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:46,519
on normal kids.
You start on Monday.
359
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,254
You're going to put him
in the Krelboyne class?
360
00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:50,289
Mom, no! I don't want to!
361
00:14:50,322 --> 00:14:52,058
What are you talking about?
362
00:14:52,091 --> 00:14:53,526
Of course you want to.
363
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,195
No. I want to stay
in my own class.
364
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:57,930
I don't want to be a Krelboyne.
365
00:14:57,964 --> 00:15:00,867
Mom, seriously, Krelboynes
get their butts kicked.
366
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,202
Just stop one minute.
367
00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:05,705
There's nothing wrong
with being smart.
368
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,740
And there's nothing wrong
with being cut from the herd.
369
00:15:07,774 --> 00:15:09,876
It makes you the one buffalo
that isn't there
370
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,644
when the Indians run
the rest of them off the cliff.
371
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:13,379
Huh?
372
00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:14,814
Mom, this isn't fair!
373
00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:17,283
If I don't want to go,
why do I have to?
374
00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:19,218
Because it's not just up to you.
375
00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:21,488
We have to do
what's best for you.
376
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:23,389
Mom, please!
Don't make me go!
377
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:24,724
Please!
378
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,392
Malcolm, calm down.
But it isn't fair!
379
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:27,927
That's right.
It isn't fair.
380
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:30,129
It's the first time
anyone in this family
381
00:15:30,162 --> 00:15:31,464
has ever been given an edge,
382
00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:33,232
and you are not
going to waste it.
383
00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:35,668
Dad?
Honey?
384
00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:40,973
Well... look, honey...
385
00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:46,979
Malcolm, you see...
386
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:51,584
Oh, for crying out loud.
387
00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,586
How come there's never
any iced tea in this pitcher?
388
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:55,755
I make a fresh batch
every morning;
389
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:58,090
it's gone
by the time I get home.
390
00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:00,593
I want a better family!
391
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,162
Malcolm...
392
00:16:03,195 --> 00:16:04,163
Look at that.
393
00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:06,633
Gone.
394
00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:08,601
I don't want to go
to a special class.
395
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,302
People think I'm
weird enough already.
396
00:16:10,336 --> 00:16:11,504
I know.
397
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:13,472
I like where I am.
I want to stay.
398
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,441
Sweetie, life does
not give you
399
00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:18,110
a lot of chances to move up,
even if you deserve it.
400
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,445
Look at your dad and me.
401
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,881
Malcolm, I'm proud of you.
402
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:23,816
You boys are so lucky.
403
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:26,152
You have so many gifts
that other kids don't have.
404
00:16:26,185 --> 00:16:28,788
And I just don't mean
Stevie Kenarban, either.
405
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:31,357
I mean, look at those
Parker boys across the street.
406
00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:33,159
They may be healthy,
but honest to God,
407
00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:35,294
those are the ugliest
little boys ever born.
408
00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:37,564
They look like boiled beets,
don't you think?
409
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:38,698
And those Henderson kids?
410
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:39,732
That electrocuted their dog
411
00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:41,834
when they were trying
to get free cable.
412
00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:42,902
How smart can they be?
413
00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:44,403
Just remember,
414
00:16:44,436 --> 00:16:47,674
any kid who makes fun of you
is a creepy little loser
415
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:50,009
who'll end up working
in a car wash.
416
00:16:50,042 --> 00:16:54,480
This shouldn't make me
feel better, but it does.
417
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:56,315
You'll be all right, sweetie.
418
00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:58,818
If you don't make
a big deal out of this,
419
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,486
nobody else will either.
420
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:01,988
And I just can't say enough
421
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,723
about how proud
we should all be of Malcolm
422
00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:06,826
for getting into
the gifted program.
423
00:17:06,858 --> 00:17:09,729
Now, Malcolm may not look
different than the rest of us,
424
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:11,230
but he is.
425
00:17:11,262 --> 00:17:13,432
Very different.
426
00:17:13,464 --> 00:17:15,667
In his brain.
427
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:19,204
And I think we should
recognize him for that.
428
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,210
Bye.
429
00:17:24,242 --> 00:17:25,612
CAROLINE:
All righty,
430
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,512
today we are starting
a new section
431
00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:28,580
on the Peloponnesian War,
432
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:31,618
which I know
you are all going to love.
433
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,452
Malcolm?
434
00:17:33,485 --> 00:17:36,923
Are you okay?
435
00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:41,060
Uh, yeah. Fine.
436
00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:42,061
All right.
437
00:17:42,094 --> 00:17:43,896
Excuse me.
438
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:50,236
Stop staring at me!
439
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,379
Why do they keep
doing that?
440
00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:02,314
You're new.
Oh, great.
441
00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:04,917
So I'm the freak
of the freak show?
442
00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:07,386
Just... chill out.
443
00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:08,387
Don't tell me
to chill out.
444
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:09,588
You chill out.
445
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:11,290
Nobody can live
like this.
446
00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:13,092
I'm okay.
Oh, sure.
447
00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:16,128
You're okay because it doesn't
make any difference to you.
448
00:18:16,162 --> 00:18:17,229
You've always been a freak.
449
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,431
I used to be normal.
450
00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:23,135
Wait. Who just
said that?
451
00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:26,639
You're going to take that
the wrong way, aren't you?
452
00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:28,908
You...
453
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,343
suck.
454
00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:37,183
It's so cool!
455
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:43,322
Around here, being smart is
exactly like being radioactive.
456
00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:57,636
I can't believe I'm doing this.
457
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:04,510
Stevie?
458
00:19:04,543 --> 00:19:06,913
What?
459
00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:08,881
Look,
460
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,649
I...
461
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,352
Score!
462
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,522
Hey, Spath!
463
00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:18,958
Why don't you stop
being such a butt-wipe?!
464
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,027
ALL:
Ooh.
465
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,297
What'd you call me?
466
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:26,298
You heard me!
467
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:27,399
I don't care anymore!
468
00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:29,401
I just don't care,
Spath, okay?
469
00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:31,237
Alls you ever do is make
everybody miserable!
470
00:19:31,270 --> 00:19:33,372
Except for your little
monkey-slaves over there.
471
00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:34,974
Who, by the way,
472
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,142
only pretend to like you.
473
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,210
They hate you as much
as everyone else does!
474
00:19:38,244 --> 00:19:40,079
And you're just too busy
being mean and stupid
475
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:41,647
to ever figure it out!
476
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,683
I keep trying to run,
but my legs won't work.
477
00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:47,153
Mom was right,
they are important.
478
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:49,255
Wow.
479
00:19:49,288 --> 00:19:50,857
I don't know about you,
480
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:53,492
but the Krelboyne
really hurt my feelings.
481
00:19:57,463 --> 00:19:58,831
Hey...
482
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:01,400
Go away, Stevie.
483
00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:03,202
It's good you
two are friends.
484
00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:05,772
He won't mind sharing
his wheelchair.
485
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:09,408
Okay, this is where something
good happens, finally.
486
00:20:09,441 --> 00:20:10,843
So we're going to slow down
487
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:13,880
and make it last
as long as possible.
488
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:28,360
♪ The possible dream
489
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:31,563
♪ Finale of scenes
490
00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:35,534
♪ The moment
that some call eternal ♪
491
00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:40,006
♪ That some call insane.
492
00:20:50,682 --> 00:20:53,152
Dude, you hit a cripple.
493
00:20:57,489 --> 00:20:59,658
I didn't mean to...
I wasn't trying...
494
00:20:59,691 --> 00:21:01,560
Stevie, I'm sorry!
495
00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:06,933
Ow...
496
00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:09,969
Aah...
497
00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:11,337
Ow!
498
00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:13,072
What's your problem?
499
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:15,641
I mean, he's in a wheelchair
and he has glasses.
500
00:21:15,674 --> 00:21:18,444
Do you know how
bad that looks?
501
00:21:18,477 --> 00:21:20,813
What's your problem?
502
00:21:20,847 --> 00:21:22,414
♪ I've seen better days
503
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:24,783
♪ I've been a star of many...
504
00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:30,756
So then, the principal comes out
505
00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:32,825
and everyone's all
talking at once.
506
00:21:32,859 --> 00:21:34,026
So the story he puts together
507
00:21:34,060 --> 00:21:36,128
is that Spath attacks Stevie
for his lunch,
508
00:21:36,162 --> 00:21:39,298
and I'm like this hero
that stepped in to defend him.
509
00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:41,167
It was beautiful.
510
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:44,536
Okay, it wasn't funny
when Spath started crying.
511
00:21:44,570 --> 00:21:47,974
No, wait, it was.
512
00:21:48,574 --> 00:21:51,543
Dad's hair... ugh.
513
00:21:51,577 --> 00:21:54,947
Yeah, I know. It's gross.
514
00:21:54,981 --> 00:21:56,883
But, hey, if a bunch of birds
515
00:21:56,916 --> 00:21:58,450
can make the best
out of what they get,
516
00:21:58,484 --> 00:22:00,219
then so can I.
DEWEY:
Malcolm?
517
00:22:00,252 --> 00:22:02,454
Like having to
go to special
class.
518
00:22:02,488 --> 00:22:04,323
I can make it
work out,
right?
519
00:22:04,356 --> 00:22:05,524
Malcolm?
520
00:22:05,557 --> 00:22:07,159
Not now!
521
00:22:07,193 --> 00:22:08,360
Or my
family.
522
00:22:08,394 --> 00:22:10,329
We're not the greatest family in the world,
523
00:22:10,362 --> 00:22:11,663
but we can get better.
524
00:22:11,697 --> 00:22:13,232
I mean, it's not impossible.
525
00:22:13,265 --> 00:22:14,533
Malcolm?
526
00:22:14,566 --> 00:22:15,567
What?!
527
00:22:15,601 --> 00:22:16,969
Can I get out?
528
00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:18,370
No! Stop asking!
529
00:22:18,404 --> 00:22:22,141
So, basically, I think everything's going to be okay.
530
00:22:22,942 --> 00:22:24,911
A bug went up my nose.
531
00:22:26,045 --> 00:22:26,845
So what do you want me
to do about it?
34209
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