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1
00:00:12,634 --> 00:00:17,701
What?
I just really,
really love you.
2
00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:21,067
Well, I really, really,
really love you.
3
00:00:22,300 --> 00:00:24,501
Why must everything be
a competition with you?
4
00:00:41,701 --> 00:00:45,534
* Tell me whyI love you like I do
5
00:00:45,601 --> 00:00:49,501
* Tell me whocan stop my heartas much as you
6
00:00:49,567 --> 00:00:51,534
* Let's take each other's hand
7
00:00:51,601 --> 00:00:54,501
* As we jump intothe final frontier
8
00:00:55,567 --> 00:00:58,434
* I'm mad about you, baby
9
00:00:58,501 --> 00:00:59,934
* Yeah!
10
00:01:10,133 --> 00:01:12,834
How long does it take
to watch a 90-minute
documentary?
11
00:01:12,901 --> 00:01:17,000
I would think about an hour
and a half tops, right?
I told ya.
12
00:01:18,868 --> 00:01:20,834
It's okay. It's okay.
You know why?
13
00:01:20,901 --> 00:01:24,400
'Cause it's him, and if you're
going to do a documentary
on the history of television,
14
00:01:24,467 --> 00:01:27,300
who would you get?
Would you get somebody
like him? No, no, you get him.
15
00:01:27,367 --> 00:01:30,601
I told ya.
Think he'll do it?
16
00:01:30,667 --> 00:01:32,567
I mean, you worked
with him in the old days.
Is he gonna do it?
17
00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:35,601
Yes, he'll do it.
He'll do it. He'll do it.
He'll do it.
18
00:01:35,667 --> 00:01:39,167
I used to love this guy.
He's such a lovable legend.
You know, he's just...
19
00:01:39,234 --> 00:01:40,234
(PHONE RINGING)
He's him.
20
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,133
MAN: I said pumpernickel.
21
00:01:47,067 --> 00:01:48,200
I told ya.
22
00:01:54,267 --> 00:01:58,133
So, I told your father,
"You're a big boy.
Go by yourself this year."
23
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,501
You know how these butcher
conventions are.
Yep.
24
00:02:00,567 --> 00:02:04,534
Blah, blah, blah, sirloin,
blah, blah, blah, flank steak.
25
00:02:04,601 --> 00:02:08,467
I mean after 34 years,
what's left to say
about meat?
26
00:02:08,534 --> 00:02:10,534
That's what
you're wearing?
Yeah.
27
00:02:10,601 --> 00:02:12,534
To your meeting?
Yeah.
28
00:02:12,601 --> 00:02:14,000
Oh, no, it's lovely.
29
00:02:18,968 --> 00:02:23,033
Anyway, Aunt Lolly and I
just had a ball at the matinee
today, didn't we?
30
00:02:25,501 --> 00:02:29,000
Those dancers,
were they skinny.
31
00:02:29,067 --> 00:02:33,367
Remember how skinny I was
when I used to dance?
That wasn't you.
32
00:02:33,434 --> 00:02:35,701
Mama, I hate to keep you.
Shouldn't you
be getting back?
33
00:02:35,767 --> 00:02:37,000
You know,
the Connecticut Turnpike?
34
00:02:37,067 --> 00:02:40,467
What about it?
She wants you on it.
35
00:02:40,534 --> 00:02:45,534
Okay. Good luck tonight
and, uh, don't forget
to comb your hair.
36
00:02:45,601 --> 00:02:47,334
Okay.
Bye, bye, Aunt Lolly.
37
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,934
You know, that woman
is driving me nuts.
I know.
38
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,667
When she picked me up
this morning,
I was a brunette.
39
00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:58,534
I got him.
JAMIE: Who?
40
00:02:58,601 --> 00:03:00,834
Him.
JAMIE: You got Alan Brady?
41
00:03:00,901 --> 00:03:03,501
I got Alan Brady.
Oh, congratulations.
42
00:03:03,567 --> 00:03:05,868
Isn't that something?
So, what did he say?
43
00:03:05,934 --> 00:03:08,634
He said, "I'll do it."
No, tell me his exact words.
44
00:03:08,701 --> 00:03:11,567
All right. "I'll do it."
God.
45
00:03:11,634 --> 00:03:13,567
I'm telling ya.
So, what is he like?
46
00:03:13,634 --> 00:03:16,167
He's-- He's like him
but in color.
47
00:03:17,167 --> 00:03:18,434
Really?
48
00:03:18,501 --> 00:03:20,300
Yeah, well, we only had
10 seconds together,
49
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,701
but guess who he's
taking out to dinner tonight?
You and me.
50
00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:24,300
I can't.
51
00:03:24,367 --> 00:03:25,434
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
What do you mean
you can't?
52
00:03:25,501 --> 00:03:26,501
I have a meeting.
What meeting?
53
00:03:26,567 --> 00:03:28,667
See?
I do too listen.
54
00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:30,934
Hi.
Hi.
55
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,267
Oh, the meeting.
Yes, you have the meeting,
the meeting.
56
00:03:32,334 --> 00:03:34,667
I know,
with the guy
from uptown.
57
00:03:34,734 --> 00:03:39,601
No, you're meeting him uptown.
This is the guy from--
from Vermont. Not originally.
58
00:03:39,667 --> 00:03:42,767
This is the guy...
He's driving through Vermont
from Canada.
59
00:03:42,834 --> 00:03:44,601
This is so sad.
60
00:03:44,667 --> 00:03:45,968
Well, she gave me
the worst clues here.
61
00:03:46,033 --> 00:03:48,234
Oh, I will have you know
that I was a charades champion
62
00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:50,033
at camp Wankahana
three years running.
63
00:03:50,100 --> 00:03:52,267
Good. Listen,
you got to come with me
on this.
64
00:03:52,334 --> 00:03:53,667
I'm sorry.
Okay, what's this?
65
00:03:55,467 --> 00:03:57,667
This is important.
Well, so is this.
66
00:03:57,734 --> 00:03:59,868
Geese, see?
Yeah.
67
00:03:59,934 --> 00:04:02,434
What's this?
You can go without me.
68
00:04:02,501 --> 00:04:04,367
The Sting.
Okay.
69
00:04:04,434 --> 00:04:06,767
He specifically said,
"Bring the wife."
70
00:04:06,834 --> 00:04:08,234
"The wife?"
My wife.
71
00:04:08,300 --> 00:04:09,400
You said, "The wife."
72
00:04:09,467 --> 00:04:13,100
The my-wife, the my-wife.
I'm begging you.
73
00:04:13,167 --> 00:04:15,667
"Bridge Over Trouble Water."
Yes.
74
00:04:15,734 --> 00:04:18,400
JAMIE: Fine. I will be there
as soon as I can.
Thank you.
75
00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:21,267
08:00, Antonios.
The reservation is
under his name.
76
00:04:21,334 --> 00:04:23,367
I might be a little late.
All right.
But not like too late.
77
00:04:23,434 --> 00:04:25,100
Okay.
All right. Thank you.
78
00:04:25,167 --> 00:04:27,400
You gonna wear that?
Paul?
79
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:32,801
What? Two words. First word.
Sounds like duck.
80
00:04:32,868 --> 00:04:35,267
Second word, yeah? Off.
81
00:04:40,834 --> 00:04:43,234
He asked that you
wait at his table.
82
00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:44,534
His table?
Yes.
83
00:04:44,601 --> 00:04:46,167
This is his own table? Wow.
Uh-huh.
84
00:04:49,267 --> 00:04:52,801
Dig me.
I'm at Alan Brady's table.
85
00:04:52,868 --> 00:04:55,300
I have my own table.
This is my table.
Do you like my table?
86
00:04:55,367 --> 00:04:59,067
It's my table.
It's mahogany.
87
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:04,767
What, what is this?
Mr. Brady,
how are you, sir?
88
00:05:04,834 --> 00:05:06,200
What are you doing?
What?
89
00:05:06,267 --> 00:05:08,567
What are you doing?
I was just sitting.
90
00:05:08,634 --> 00:05:10,033
Where?
Right here.
91
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:11,200
Where?
At your table.
92
00:05:11,267 --> 00:05:12,834
Where at my table?
Right here.
93
00:05:12,901 --> 00:05:14,334
Where?
In the chair.
94
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:15,634
What chair?
This chair.
95
00:05:15,701 --> 00:05:16,734
Whose chair?
Your chair.
96
00:05:16,801 --> 00:05:18,701
A-ha.
97
00:05:18,767 --> 00:05:20,834
Sit over there.
I was sitting in your chair.
98
00:05:20,901 --> 00:05:23,200
I'm so sorry.
I would think so.
99
00:05:23,267 --> 00:05:27,234
And oh, my, my wife may be
a little bit late.
100
00:05:27,300 --> 00:05:29,133
Who?
My wife.
101
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,367
Late for what?
For dinner.
102
00:05:31,434 --> 00:05:33,400
You're bringing your wife?
Well, you told me,
"Bring your wife."
103
00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:35,667
Well, sure, bring your wife.
Why don't you bring
your mother?
104
00:05:35,734 --> 00:05:37,200
Got any kids?
No.
105
00:05:37,267 --> 00:05:40,067
Oh, what a shame.
I was hoping to feed
a whole family.
106
00:05:40,133 --> 00:05:42,300
Maurice, free eats
for everybody.
107
00:05:42,367 --> 00:05:43,868
Really?
Shut up. Get out of here.
108
00:05:47,067 --> 00:05:49,334
You got a cigar?
Cigar? No.
109
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:50,334
Give me a dollar.
110
00:05:51,868 --> 00:05:53,400
It's a joke.
It's a joke.
111
00:05:53,467 --> 00:05:55,534
Where you going to get
a cigar for a dollar now?
112
00:05:55,601 --> 00:05:57,534
They don't know jokes.
They don't know jokes.
113
00:06:01,534 --> 00:06:03,634
Hi. Sorry I'm late.
Hey. Get out of here.
114
00:06:03,701 --> 00:06:05,701
What?
Get out of here.
115
00:06:05,767 --> 00:06:08,067
I must have
made a mistake or something.
Well, no, no, no, no.
116
00:06:08,133 --> 00:06:10,801
I already told him
you're here. Okay.
Just sit down.
117
00:06:10,868 --> 00:06:13,067
Not there, not there.
What is the matter with you?
118
00:06:13,133 --> 00:06:14,501
Him--Him's the matter
with me.
119
00:06:14,567 --> 00:06:15,701
Who?
Who, Brady.
120
00:06:15,767 --> 00:06:18,133
What about him?
He's so mean.
121
00:06:20,334 --> 00:06:23,734
Mr. Brady, let me introduce...
This is my wife.
Mr. Brady.
122
00:06:23,801 --> 00:06:25,834
Call me Alan.
I'm Jamie.
123
00:06:25,901 --> 00:06:28,167
What are you doing
sitting there?
He told me to.
124
00:06:28,234 --> 00:06:30,434
There's a draft there.
Take my chair.
125
00:06:30,501 --> 00:06:31,434
Thank you.
126
00:06:38,534 --> 00:06:41,934
Tell me, have we ever met
anywhere before?
No. I'm sure I would remember.
127
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:47,100
Oh, yes, yes, you would.
Well, anyway, what the heck.
We're here now.
128
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,300
Where's my napkin?
129
00:06:55,968 --> 00:06:59,300
I edited his show
12 years. Do you know what
he gave me for Christmas?
130
00:06:59,367 --> 00:07:01,100
What?
A pineapple.
131
00:07:03,701 --> 00:07:07,400
What, you mean
like a fruit basket?
I mean a pineapple.
132
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,534
All right.
All right.
Why am I unhappy?
133
00:07:11,601 --> 00:07:12,667
What do you mean,
you're not happy?
134
00:07:12,734 --> 00:07:14,267
Sam, you worked with me
how many years?
135
00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:16,100
Sid.
Exactly.
136
00:07:16,167 --> 00:07:19,400
Tell him, am I happy?
He's a miserable
son-of-a-bitch.
137
00:07:19,467 --> 00:07:23,400
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
No, no, no, no.
Listen to him. He knows.
138
00:07:23,467 --> 00:07:26,901
And why am I unhappy?
I'll tell you
why I'm unhappy.
139
00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:28,734
I watched your film again
last night.
140
00:07:28,801 --> 00:07:32,100
I watched it with my wife
and a watch.
141
00:07:32,167 --> 00:07:34,934
You know what I found out?
I'll tell you what
I found out.
142
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,501
I'm in this for six minutes.
143
00:07:37,567 --> 00:07:41,634
360 lousy seconds
in the whole
history of television,
144
00:07:41,701 --> 00:07:43,968
is that what you think I am?
145
00:07:44,033 --> 00:07:47,133
You talk now.
Okay.
146
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,133
It's-- it's not that at all.
It's just that, you know,
it's only a 90-minute film,
147
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:54,534
and there's so much great
footage out there. So, what
I was trying to do is,
148
00:07:54,601 --> 00:07:56,834
you talk again now?
149
00:07:56,901 --> 00:08:00,267
Where's the bowling pin
sketch? Where's the piano
player with the itch sketch?
150
00:08:00,334 --> 00:08:02,200
Where's my singing
with Fabian?
151
00:08:02,267 --> 00:08:04,968
Look, kid, you want me
to narrate this thing
or don't you?
152
00:08:05,033 --> 00:08:07,968
Yes, yes. I am ecstatic.
I am ecstatic
that you're doing it.
153
00:08:08,033 --> 00:08:11,534
HBO is ecstatic.
Sid is ecstatic.
Look at Sid.
154
00:08:11,601 --> 00:08:16,167
All right. But look,
I got to tell you,
I worked a long time on this.
155
00:08:16,234 --> 00:08:19,501
I really think that
the way it is, it's just...
It's perfect.
156
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:21,167
It stinks.
Let me finish.
157
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:24,701
Certain--Certain places still
need a little work.
It stinks.
158
00:08:24,767 --> 00:08:27,267
None of it is good.
That's all I'm saying.
159
00:08:27,334 --> 00:08:29,901
Always good to see you, Sam.
Say hello to Gladys.
160
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:31,767
It's Sid.
Say hello to Sid.
161
00:08:31,834 --> 00:08:35,033
Call me, kid,
when you fix it.
162
00:08:36,534 --> 00:08:37,767
He's just so mean.
163
00:08:43,968 --> 00:08:48,267
Well, isn't this exotic?
I've always wanted to eat
uncooked food.
164
00:08:48,334 --> 00:08:49,868
Mom, we can go
someplace else.
165
00:08:49,934 --> 00:08:53,300
No. As long as I am
with my two girls,
I'm happy.
166
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:57,601
Well, any luck
on the job market?
No.
167
00:08:57,667 --> 00:09:00,667
You know what you haven't
tried yet, Beanie?
Fish throwing.
168
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,367
Excuse me?
169
00:09:03,434 --> 00:09:06,367
You know, when they want
to get a cod from the boat
to the dock.
170
00:09:06,434 --> 00:09:08,234
Ma, I don't want
to throw fish.
171
00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:11,601
Well, what do you
want to do?
I don't know.
172
00:09:11,667 --> 00:09:14,601
Jamie, have you and Paul
thought any more
about having children?
173
00:09:14,667 --> 00:09:18,167
Oh, that's such good news.
What is?
174
00:09:18,234 --> 00:09:20,534
You tell me.
No, no, not yet.
We're...
175
00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:24,100
Well, when?
I don't know.
176
00:09:24,167 --> 00:09:26,767
Lisa, going out
with anybody lately?
177
00:09:26,834 --> 00:09:29,033
Answer my prayers.
No, no, no.
178
00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:30,968
I've been to busy
talking to Jamie
179
00:09:31,033 --> 00:09:33,467
about how nice it would be
for them to move
to Connecticut.
180
00:09:33,534 --> 00:09:35,033
You know,
I've always said...
181
00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:38,367
I can't leave New York
with Lisa thinking
of joining a cult.
182
00:09:38,868 --> 00:09:41,000
Again?
183
00:09:41,067 --> 00:09:43,767
No, Mom, I won't,
I mean I wouldn't...
184
00:09:45,033 --> 00:09:49,501
You know, Jamie, she...
Fish throwing, huh?
185
00:09:52,067 --> 00:09:55,467
I know, I said I had
Alan Brady, but that was
when I had Alan Brady.
186
00:09:55,534 --> 00:09:58,234
No, no, I'm not saying
I don't have Alan Brady.
I'm just saying...
187
00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:01,100
Saying that, you know,
everything is great,
188
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:04,901
and we'll be there,
and we'll see you
at the big screening.
189
00:10:04,968 --> 00:10:07,634
All right, then. Bye.
190
00:10:07,701 --> 00:10:11,200
Ah, well, that's it.
We don't have Brady,
we have no deal.
191
00:10:11,267 --> 00:10:13,701
There's got to
be somebody else.
Who do you know?
192
00:10:13,767 --> 00:10:17,133
Do you know George Gobel?
Dead.
193
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,868
What about, what's his name,
Charley Weaver?
Dead.
194
00:10:19,934 --> 00:10:21,634
Tina Louise?
195
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:24,033
I can't call her.
196
00:10:32,868 --> 00:10:35,234
Look at him, he's so great.
197
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:38,300
He's just... Who am I kidding?
It's got to be him.
It's got to be him.
198
00:10:38,367 --> 00:10:39,968
(CHATTERING ON TV)
199
00:10:40,033 --> 00:10:42,667
Wait a second. Wait a second.
Hold on. Go, go, go back.
Go back.
200
00:10:42,734 --> 00:10:43,834
(REWINDING)
201
00:10:43,901 --> 00:10:45,634
Right there.
202
00:10:45,701 --> 00:10:48,367
You're wrong.You're absolutely wrong.
203
00:10:48,434 --> 00:10:52,033
Harry, if you don'tstop flirting, I'm goinghome to mother. No,
204
00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:54,534
I'm going to have Mothermove in with us.How do you like that?
205
00:10:54,601 --> 00:10:57,434
I do not flirt.Well, hello there.
206
00:10:57,501 --> 00:11:01,033
It's all in your head.Harry, I'm atthe end of my rope.
207
00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:04,767
I don't know whatyou're talking about.For you.
208
00:11:04,834 --> 00:11:06,868
You're imagining these things,I tell you.
209
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:09,467
Why are we watching this?
You'll see. Just a second.
210
00:11:09,534 --> 00:11:11,467
Please, I spent the whole day
with my mother.
211
00:11:11,534 --> 00:11:13,701
She kept talking and talking,
and she didn't say anything.
212
00:11:13,767 --> 00:11:17,901
The whole time this little
noise in my head went eeek,
eeek,
213
00:11:17,968 --> 00:11:19,968
the whole time all day,
eeek, eeek, eeek.
214
00:11:21,501 --> 00:11:23,000
Just hang one second.
215
00:11:23,067 --> 00:11:26,567
Madeline, you've gotto forgive me, please.I beg you.
216
00:11:26,634 --> 00:11:28,634
I love you. I worship you.
217
00:11:28,701 --> 00:11:32,234
It's you and only youfor the rest of my life.
218
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:34,467
Oh, Harry.
219
00:11:34,534 --> 00:11:37,067
It's cold out here.You shouldn't be outlike that.
220
00:11:37,133 --> 00:11:39,133
Oh, thank you.
221
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,901
Oh, my God, that's my mom.
I told you.
222
00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:53,901
Yes. Hi. Is Tennessee Ernie
Ford there, please.
223
00:11:56,334 --> 00:12:01,234
Oh, I am sorry.
Well, my condolences.
224
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:05,167
Thank you. I don't believe
this. Everybody is either dead
or Alan Brady.
225
00:12:05,234 --> 00:12:07,934
Okay, see? Right there.
226
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:12,467
Wow, are you sure that's Mom?
No. It's me.
I was very big in the '50s.
227
00:12:12,534 --> 00:12:14,901
Well, how come
she never told us?
Because she's Mom.
228
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:17,200
She doesn't talk about stuff.
She just talks.
229
00:12:17,267 --> 00:12:19,467
See, if I put his
bowling pin sketch in here,
230
00:12:19,534 --> 00:12:22,300
then that puts Bonanza
next to What's My Line,
231
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:25,834
which moves Loretta Young
right in the middle
of the Watergate hearings.
232
00:12:25,901 --> 00:12:27,067
There's got to be
somebody else.
233
00:12:27,133 --> 00:12:30,667
Look, right there,
Pretty girl No. 3,
Terry Cooper.
234
00:12:30,734 --> 00:12:32,534
Oh. Cool.
235
00:12:33,467 --> 00:12:35,534
Cool?
236
00:12:35,601 --> 00:12:38,734
Don't you see? This explains
why I'm so screwed up.
I'm a showbiz kid.
237
00:12:40,734 --> 00:12:45,601
Sid, hi, Paul.
Okay, Mr. Green Jeans?
Ah, okay.
238
00:12:45,667 --> 00:12:48,767
Where are you going?
To tell my shrink we're
gonna have to start all over.
239
00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:51,167
This is so cool.
240
00:12:51,234 --> 00:12:53,000
Do you believe this?
241
00:12:53,067 --> 00:12:55,701
We find out our mother had
a whole life, and all she
thinks of is herself.
242
00:12:55,767 --> 00:12:58,734
Yeah, unbelievable.
Hey, who played Little Ricky?
243
00:12:58,801 --> 00:13:00,901
(DOORBELL BUZZES)
244
00:13:00,968 --> 00:13:02,934
Who did you ignore
before you met me?
245
00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:07,534
Mom, hi.
Hi, gang.
246
00:13:07,601 --> 00:13:09,167
Well, hello.
247
00:13:09,234 --> 00:13:11,300
I was just in the city.
So, I thought I'd bring you
some food.
248
00:13:11,367 --> 00:13:14,300
Why were you in the city?
To bring you some food.
249
00:13:14,367 --> 00:13:15,701
So, what's new?
250
00:13:15,767 --> 00:13:19,901
Nothing.
Paul is just working
on his documentary
251
00:13:21,267 --> 00:13:22,801
on the history
of television
252
00:13:23,801 --> 00:13:25,400
with Alan Brady.
253
00:13:25,467 --> 00:13:28,200
Oh, did I ever tell you
I was on his show?
254
00:13:28,267 --> 00:13:32,868
No.
Really? Well, I was.
255
00:13:32,934 --> 00:13:35,234
How old are these olives?
I don't remember.
256
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:39,767
You know the rule.
I can't believe
you never told me this.
257
00:13:39,834 --> 00:13:42,901
I thought I did.
Was he like a big meany
back then, too?
258
00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:46,734
He was him.
How many times were you on?
259
00:13:46,801 --> 00:13:48,801
Oh, five if you count
the gorilla sketch.
260
00:13:48,868 --> 00:13:50,767
So, so how would you
handle him?
261
00:13:50,834 --> 00:13:53,167
The gorilla sketch?
262
00:13:53,234 --> 00:13:56,534
This carrot is so bendy.
What else did you do?
263
00:13:56,601 --> 00:13:58,367
Oh, this and that.
264
00:13:58,434 --> 00:14:00,834
Okay. So I know
he was really nice
to Patti Page.
265
00:14:00,901 --> 00:14:03,501
So, how could I be
more like Patti Page?
266
00:14:03,567 --> 00:14:06,000
I'm rearranging your eggs.
This and what?
267
00:14:06,067 --> 00:14:08,667
I mean like, if I stood up
to him, would that be a real,
real bad idea?
268
00:14:08,734 --> 00:14:11,434
Will you excuse me, please?
I'm trying to have
a conversation with my mother.
269
00:14:11,501 --> 00:14:13,300
So am I.
Well, I got here first.
270
00:14:13,367 --> 00:14:15,234
Well, just talk about
Alan Brady, please.
271
00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:18,167
Mom, talk to me, okay?
Sure.
272
00:14:18,234 --> 00:14:20,767
Smell this milk.
Okay. My turn.
273
00:14:20,834 --> 00:14:24,734
So, so how did you--
how did you--
how did you handle him?
274
00:14:24,801 --> 00:14:26,167
Oh, beats me.
275
00:14:26,234 --> 00:14:30,634
You were an actress?
No. I was pretty.
I had a lot of pep.
276
00:14:30,701 --> 00:14:32,601
So they put me
in a couple of sketches.
277
00:14:32,667 --> 00:14:35,200
So, so you had,
like, a whole life that
we don't know anything about.
278
00:14:35,267 --> 00:14:39,434
See how I gave
that one for you.
No, no. It's no big deal.
279
00:14:39,501 --> 00:14:42,033
I was young.
I needed a job,
and I had a connection.
280
00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:43,701
To Alan Brady?
Uh-huh.
281
00:14:43,767 --> 00:14:46,701
What connection?
He used to date
your Aunt Lolly.
282
00:14:50,634 --> 00:14:52,934
Hey, barkie, another saki.
283
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:59,968
See, if I knew how
to handle this guy...
Did you ever tickle his ear?
284
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:03,000
I can't say that I have.
Well, it works.
285
00:15:03,067 --> 00:15:06,300
So you knew him really well?
Oh, I knew them all
in those days.
286
00:15:06,367 --> 00:15:10,000
All those funny boys
used to come up
and do the Catskills.
287
00:15:10,067 --> 00:15:12,734
Aunt Lolly played the harp
in Grosssinger's Lobby.
288
00:15:12,801 --> 00:15:19,100
Get out of here.
Oh, that Alan,
was he cute and young.
289
00:15:19,167 --> 00:15:23,000
I liked them young.
Wow.
290
00:15:23,067 --> 00:15:25,601
Wow nothing.
He was just like his act,
291
00:15:25,667 --> 00:15:28,367
six minutes of great material
and no finish.
292
00:15:33,901 --> 00:15:37,734
That's just
a little bit more
than I needed to know.
293
00:15:37,801 --> 00:15:41,868
So, so what was he like?
He was a man.
294
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:45,567
In other words, what?
295
00:15:45,634 --> 00:15:51,434
Well, we were a regular item,
then he'd get the itch
and start bird-dogging around.
296
00:15:51,501 --> 00:15:54,300
So--So now what,
what did you do?
297
00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:56,200
I gave what I got.
298
00:15:57,167 --> 00:15:59,934
I'd samba with Sid Caesar
299
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,501
and go kayaking
with Fat Jack Leonard,
300
00:16:03,567 --> 00:16:06,434
and the next thing you know,
he'd be crazy jealous
301
00:16:06,501 --> 00:16:10,234
and come scratching at my door
like Churchill's Pekingese.
302
00:16:12,868 --> 00:16:14,667
This is good to know.
303
00:16:15,968 --> 00:16:19,234
Did you, did you ever go out
with Milton Berle?
304
00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:21,033
It's true.
305
00:16:33,334 --> 00:16:34,601
I don't know about this.
306
00:16:34,667 --> 00:16:36,234
You want to change your film?
No.
307
00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:37,901
Do you want him to narrate?
Yes.
308
00:16:37,968 --> 00:16:40,334
Do you want to tickle his ear?
All right.
309
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,033
(INTERCOM BUZZING)
310
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:47,534
Sid?
He's in the elevator.
311
00:16:47,601 --> 00:16:50,400
Did he see you?
I'm wearing a hat.
312
00:16:52,334 --> 00:16:54,934
All right.
Well, here we go.
313
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,200
Bread him like a cutlet.
314
00:16:58,501 --> 00:17:00,234
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
315
00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:02,868
Okay. I'm here.
Show me the changes.
You, I like.
316
00:17:07,968 --> 00:17:10,467
Honey, look.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
317
00:17:10,534 --> 00:17:12,467
Why not?
No, that's just--just
an expression.
318
00:17:12,534 --> 00:17:14,200
So is
"May I take your coat?"
319
00:17:15,534 --> 00:17:17,400
Sorry, of course.
320
00:17:17,467 --> 00:17:21,901
And Mr. Brady, may I say
what an honor it is to
have you in our home.
321
00:17:21,968 --> 00:17:26,968
Lucky for you she asked me.
(CHUCKLES) So, umm,
dinner first or business?
322
00:17:27,033 --> 00:17:29,367
Well, you know what,
I thought we would get
business out of the way
323
00:17:29,434 --> 00:17:30,534
and then we could
enjoy the evening.
324
00:17:30,601 --> 00:17:32,067
Okay.
Okay.
325
00:17:32,133 --> 00:17:34,334
I'm not gonna
change my film.
326
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,534
You ready to eat?
I'll see.
327
00:17:36,601 --> 00:17:41,601
Paul, Paul, Paul, do you,
do you have a piece of paper?
328
00:17:41,667 --> 00:17:43,834
Sure.
Thank you.
329
00:17:43,901 --> 00:17:47,968
"Have hearing checked."
330
00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:51,968
Funniest thing, I thought
I heard you say you're not
going to change your film.
331
00:17:52,033 --> 00:17:54,801
Yeah, well, that's true.
That's what I said.
332
00:17:54,868 --> 00:17:58,434
Look, Mr. Brady, I know that
you're accustomed to getting
things your way.
333
00:17:58,501 --> 00:18:00,667
But this is my show,
and we have
a verbal agreement,
334
00:18:00,734 --> 00:18:02,801
and I expect you to live up
to your end of the bargain.
335
00:18:02,868 --> 00:18:06,234
I'm sorry that it comes down
to this, but that is it,
that is my final decision.
336
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:10,400
Oh, that was just adorable.
Get my coat.
337
00:18:11,701 --> 00:18:14,267
Certainly.
Hope everybody's hungry.
338
00:18:14,334 --> 00:18:16,634
Where are you going?
Ah, Mr. Brady has to leave.
339
00:18:16,701 --> 00:18:20,033
This is what I get for
stepping off the mountain.
340
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:24,934
You I still like.
Mr. Brady, Alan,
please don't go.
341
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,601
Honey, honey, we can't,
we can't work it out.
Of course, we can work it out.
342
00:18:28,667 --> 00:18:31,234
There will be other movies.
Not with Mr. Brady.
343
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:33,534
Will you two
get away from me!
344
00:18:36,868 --> 00:18:39,534
Mr. Brady, please.
Sweetie, it's over.
345
00:18:39,601 --> 00:18:42,067
Really?
Oh, it's over.
346
00:18:42,133 --> 00:18:44,868
Yeah, so why, why don't
we just eat and move on. Okay?
347
00:18:44,934 --> 00:18:48,167
Mr. Brady, again, thank you
and good evening.
It was nice meeting you, kid.
348
00:18:48,234 --> 00:18:51,868
Give my regards to oblivion.
349
00:18:51,934 --> 00:18:55,167
Oh, this lasagna smells good.
What did you put in this?
350
00:18:55,234 --> 00:18:58,667
Oh, noodles and tomato sauce,
351
00:19:00,634 --> 00:19:02,868
(BLUBBERING)
cheese. Oh, Paul.
352
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:09,200
It's okay, sweetie.
I'm-- I'm sure everything,
something will work out.
353
00:19:09,267 --> 00:19:13,133
I know. It's just we were
counting on this so much.
354
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,200
Listen, Paul,
I've got to talk to you.
355
00:19:15,267 --> 00:19:17,534
Oh, sorry.
Yeah, this is not
a great time.
356
00:19:17,601 --> 00:19:19,167
Just come here.
357
00:19:19,234 --> 00:19:21,701
Sorry folks, it will only
take a second.
Excuse me.
358
00:19:25,033 --> 00:19:27,901
Sorry I'm making it
tough on you.
Yeah, well.
359
00:19:30,734 --> 00:19:33,000
Okay, okay,
keep the pineapple.
360
00:19:37,234 --> 00:19:38,901
Sweetie, may I see you
in the kitchen, please?
361
00:19:40,267 --> 00:19:42,300
All right.
362
00:19:43,801 --> 00:19:47,234
Well, who's hungry?
Load me up, baby.
363
00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:51,667
Mr. Brady,
you're absolutely right.
I know I am. About what?
364
00:19:51,734 --> 00:19:54,601
If you don't feel comfortable
with the film, if you are not
happy with the film,
365
00:19:54,667 --> 00:19:56,601
then I see no reason
that you should do it.
366
00:19:56,667 --> 00:19:58,601
I see no reason either.
It wouldn't be right.
367
00:19:58,667 --> 00:20:00,133
It wouldn't
be right at all.
368
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,734
All right, all right.
What's going on here?
Nothing.
369
00:20:02,801 --> 00:20:04,901
Oh, mushrooms in here.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
370
00:20:04,968 --> 00:20:06,467
Well, it's just that
everything has worked out.
371
00:20:06,534 --> 00:20:07,968
We found somebody else
to take your place.
372
00:20:08,033 --> 00:20:09,767
So, there is nothing
for you to worry about.
373
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:12,434
Oh, fine, fine.
374
00:20:12,501 --> 00:20:14,701
Who'd you get?
Not that it matters.
375
00:20:14,767 --> 00:20:16,901
Oh, nobody. Sid Caesar.
376
00:20:19,834 --> 00:20:22,334
I've heard of him.
377
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,033
Cheese, sweetie?
378
00:20:24,100 --> 00:20:27,968
Caesar is a genius.
Brilliant physical comedian,
379
00:20:28,033 --> 00:20:31,400
which, by the way,
is very important
for a narrator.
380
00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:35,968
He does all those
wonderful double takes
381
00:20:36,033 --> 00:20:41,200
that nobody will see, but it
will be nice that they're
there, and he does pantomime.
382
00:20:41,267 --> 00:20:46,501
Oh, that will come in handy.
This is just delicious,
sweetie.
383
00:20:50,767 --> 00:20:56,033
You know what, kid,
I can see you're
in kind of a jam.
384
00:20:56,100 --> 00:20:59,667
I am, huh?
Yeah.
Tell you what I'm gonna do.
385
00:20:59,734 --> 00:21:03,601
I like you, and you're
growing on me.
Why don't I bail you out?
386
00:21:03,667 --> 00:21:05,234
Really?
What the heck.
387
00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:07,200
(STUTTERING)
Well, I don't know.
388
00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:08,267
You don't know?
No.
389
00:21:08,334 --> 00:21:10,767
He's going to
kill this yet.
390
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:13,934
Yeah, well, it's just that
you seem very uncomfortable
with the film the way it is.
391
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,801
It's fine. It's fine.
It's fine. Just made
a few suggestions.
392
00:21:16,868 --> 00:21:20,901
That's the kind of a person
I am. Whatever you want.
Let's do it your way.
393
00:21:20,968 --> 00:21:23,000
All right.
Well, then, you got a deal.
394
00:21:23,067 --> 00:21:26,267
And I'll tell you what.
I'll call Sid Caesar.
I will let him down easy.
395
00:21:26,334 --> 00:21:28,367
I don't know why you made
such a big fuss about this.
396
00:21:28,434 --> 00:21:31,901
Well, now that
this is settled,
let's sit down and eat.
397
00:21:31,968 --> 00:21:34,701
Okay. Mr. Brady?
Yes.
398
00:21:34,767 --> 00:21:36,767
You're sitting in my chair.
399
00:21:38,734 --> 00:21:41,767
And?
And I'm thrilled.
400
00:21:49,834 --> 00:21:52,567
So, you trip over
the ottoman.
401
00:21:52,634 --> 00:21:55,467
You see, you're looking over
there, not looking here,
you trip over it
402
00:21:55,534 --> 00:21:57,000
and she helps you up.
403
00:21:57,067 --> 00:21:59,367
I don't know.
Honey, he's our guest.
404
00:21:59,434 --> 00:22:02,734
If he wants you to fall,
you should fall.
405
00:22:02,801 --> 00:22:05,501
I don't know that an ottoman
is funny, what if,
and I'm just pitching,
406
00:22:05,567 --> 00:22:08,467
if I trip over, like, a hat.
See, that's never been done.
407
00:22:08,534 --> 00:22:09,767
You know why it's never
been done?
Why?
408
00:22:09,834 --> 00:22:11,868
It's stupid.
409
00:22:11,934 --> 00:22:14,801
All right, but, now,
again, it's just an idea,
instead of tripping,
410
00:22:14,868 --> 00:22:17,267
I'm walking, right,
so, I come in,
I'm walking
411
00:22:17,334 --> 00:22:20,000
on the ottoman,
and then I keep walking.
412
00:22:20,067 --> 00:22:22,834
I'm really sorry
about Paul.
413
00:22:22,901 --> 00:22:25,501
Would that be funny?
No, my mother can
do that.
414
00:22:25,567 --> 00:22:28,834
All right. Now, this is, okay,
'cause you're expecting
falling, right?
415
00:22:28,901 --> 00:22:32,734
So, I'm walking
and all of a sudden, I sit.
416
00:22:32,801 --> 00:22:36,033
Sitting has never been funny.
Never.
Sitting.
417
00:22:36,100 --> 00:22:38,167
Whistler's Mother is sitting,
who laughs?
418
00:22:38,234 --> 00:22:39,801
All right, let me just
bounce this off of you.
35925
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