All language subtitles for Justice League XXX An Axel Braun Parody-en

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Lashina, how can I serve you?

I want you to go to the third planet in the galaxy of the Yellow Sun.

- It's called Earth.
- Will my mission be there?

Finding a man ...

... Kryptończyk, who has a power that surpasses everyone on this planet.

He is the son of Jor-El.

They call him Superman.

Our army of "Champions" is ready for the invasion of the Earth,
however, he can be an obstacle.

We need him on our side or it will be lost.

I understand, recruit or ...

... dispose of.

AXEL BRAUN AND WICKED PICTURES
presents:

Starring:

JUSTICE LEAGUE
AN AXEL BRAUN PARODY

The world came out of orbit,
as Shakespeare wrote.

World leaders turned out to be insane criminals.

Financial stability has collapsed,
and our race is divided.

Even nature betrayed us,
disasters around the world.

In the past, humanity was modeled on great historical figures and legends.

But we turned away from it,
We've betrayed it.

The results are lack of protection, lack of justice ...

Now we have to ask ourselves more than ever before:
"Where are...

... heroes? "

I invite you to my special interview tomorrow at 9:00 PM
with the most controversial figure in modern history.

Hey, princess!

Are you ready to try something that will give you?

Ready to kick your ass Lefty?

Fuck, Diana!

Oh my God, I'm so sorry, my love,
I did not want.

I really did not want to.

Maps are just now a lot on the head.

Diana's control.

You should be in control,
you know it well.

I'm sorry, honey.

Can I reward you?

Miss Prince.

I did not want to interrupt.

I'm Captain Hal Jordan of the Pentagon.

You called us.

I was calling Amanda Waller.

Yes and ...

... Miss Waller contacted me.

You know what, I'll leave you two with government shit,
about which you must talk.

Wait!

Fine.

A warm bath and a Merlot lamp await me at home.

- Will you close here?
- Sure.

Okay, you can give me the keys later.

Waller could not just call back?

Forgive me, I have orders for unofficial action.

For what purpose?

Well, I need to inform you that you do not just have a soldier who can deal with extraterrestrials.

About a year ago, I was recruited by the intergalactic police, ...

... to guard this sector in space

I trained in a distant solar system,
and now I'm back.

To serve as the Green Lantern.

The Green Lantern?

That's right.

You see, intergalactic police forces are called the Green Lantern Corps.

They are amazing,
thousands of years older than us.

Oh.

Do I understand correctly.

These super-developed cosmic policemen,
who are able to protect the entire galactic ...

... they sent you here to protect the Earth armed ...

... in a lantern?

You see this Lighthouse ....

... is used to load this.

On a sunny day, in a gloomy night

My eyes will track evil everywhere.

Let evil powers, devotees of misery
The light of the Green Lantern is guarded!

And how?

Tada.

Listen, I understand that the oath is ...

... quite adorable but ...

... it was about entering.

And take a look at this.

It looks awesome.

Yes, and so much when it comes to acting silently.

Listen to Diana,
I'm here, ok ...

... and I am ready to fight at your side.

What the hell?

Relax, my Golden Lasso will tell me
are you telling the truth

Okay, so do it ...

... Wonder Woman.

I like the sense of courage.

- Thanks.
- And fear.

What's your goal?

Determine the size of the threat and then the discovery ...

... how to defend the Earth and its inhabitants.

What are your powers?

The ring gives me enormous powers and skills,
for as long as I can.

I can fly at 10 machs.

I simply create an aerodynamic cover over myself.

If I'm towing another person, it's only two times the speed of sound, which is 440 miles per hour.

And what are your weaknesses?

Weaknesses are ...
ah ... yellow!

Yellow?

Yes, yellow.

Because of the yellow stain on the side of my lantern.

Its energy core just does not affect things that are yellow.

It's a great weakness.

Yes, she is.

What are you still not telling me?

Nothing.

I think you are extremely attractive and I really want to kiss you.

Not so fast,
I will see first if you are worthy.

Miss Prince.

I also feel the taste of your truth.

Do you believe that you are honorable?

We should do it again some time ago.

Yes.

We should.

Welcome to the league.

The Galactic Conqueror is coming with a powerful army.

Her name is Darkseid.

Darkside?

Oh my.

I thought Green Lantern is ...

... bad name, but Darkside?
Who invents these names?

Darkside

Actually, S-E-I-D is written.

Oh ... S-E-I-D good, it's a different thing, it's ...

It's terrifying.
What will we do?

Stop with Hale's sarcasm,
This is serious.

And we need every help we can get,
especially now, when Batman resigned.

And what about Superman?

Still a man.

Super farmer.

I was expecting a fortress to be captured.

High readings on a radioactivity monitor displaying a high kryptonite concentration does not mean that it is close.

Actually, it can even be very far away.

Green rock is harmful to him in the atmosphere of the Earth.
I think we had to start somewhere.

Maybe not so far.

Kryptoński warrior.

Who lives in the eyes of manure.

No, my name is Kent,
I was born and raised on this farm.

GENETIC WALK: KRYPTOŃCZYK
DNA FITS: KAL-EL
- Not for my scanner, Kal-El.

Weird.

I have come here to ask you to join my master and take over this planet.

Yes, I would have to worry about it,
what happens outside these fences, and I do not want to.

- You do not protect this world anymore?
- Only this farm.

Who you are?

My name is Knockout.

I am one of Darkseid's Female Furies from the planet Apokolips ...

... Superman'ie.
- Do not call me like that.

Regular flow of alcohol ...

... keeps me as good,
the old peasant from the farm, Clark.

There is no Superman here.

Do you drink distilled kryptonite?

Just enough to keep me on earth

And without strength.

Come back from where you came from.

Or no, I do not care.

Kryptończyk or not ...

... my mother continues to detect the enormous power of Kal-El in you.

My mother was always like me.

Przpraszam.

Perhaps you can be seduced by Darkseid?

And maybe you could tell me where the Dark Knight is.

Nice to see you, Bruce.

You do not want anything more?

What do you want Diana?

It's Clark.

Kryptonite's theft seemed to him a merciful gesture.

Yes, and now he's addicted to him.

He got lost on this farm.

He is crushed Diana!

Losing Lois was difficult for both of us.

But when Kara passed away ...

Felt...

... completely alone.

I just did not expect his desire to become ...

... a permanent man?

The oracle of Themyscira is never wrong, Bruce.

The army of the mighty ruler known as Darkseid is near.

Earth needs every hero he has!

You helped Batman to give up.

What did you expect,
that he would wear the outfit again?

- His last appearance in the League of Assassins almost shattered his spine.
- It is true.

Although I am almost in full strength.

Well, Bruce has other priorities now.

we both have.

Do not understand.

If we do not unite, there will be no future and your priorities.

And what do you know, fuck about the future?

About life, about love?

You're less human than Clark.

Now, get my fuck out of my house before I scratch your beautiful face with you!

There is a new candidate in Gotham.
Is smart...

... strong otherwise ...

For God's sake, Kate Kane?
Good luck.

Well, she and I do not see Count Kal clearly.

- Where will I find her?
- I placed her transmitter?

I remember when these sunglasses were just a disguise.

Yes.

I am no faster than the locomotive.

So, have you heard?

About this protest in Metropolis?

It's in all messages,
Lex Luther reappeared.

Now this is the Metropolis problem.

So you really do not care?

No, not a bit.

I heard something before.

It came from the farm.

And when I looked outside, I saw a woman.

Getting into something like ...

... Star Gate.

Do you want to tell me what's going on?

No, not really.

I was hoping they had news ...

... about your cousin.

Kara would not accept who I became.

Well, she did not have a safe place you have.

This farm ...

You know, sometimes I look through this window ...

I swear ...

I see you when you were little.

You run in these fields.

You discover your strength.

Yes, I almost burned down in the barn when we were in third grade, through my "laser eye".

You know you can always hide here, Clark.

I'm not hiding Lana,
it does not help anymore.

I doubt if I will ever be able to do it.

Hey, that's not true.

You are still the greatest hero of the Earth.

Until I fail or make a mistake?

there's just so many minutes

- A little like Superman, who feels something is coming.
- I suffer Lana!

If someone like me suffers with my powers, then nobody is safe.

So, you're upset about being drunk and "castrated" here.

Superman's days were gone.

Can you imagine the enormity of destruction that I could make if I was there?

Oh, I know what destruction you can do, I'm not blind Clark, I saw you!

With this whore!

You seemed more happy,
just give up this damn world for her.

You're a bastard.

- Look, she's not a threat ...
- Please.

I can be a small asshole from Smallville,
but even I can say that she is angry.

You should know Superman too.

And what do you want me to do?
He put on a red cape after all this?

If that's enough for you?
Just go, please.

You do not look at me!

I'm helpless, I'm helpless, drinking an alien,
who destroys everything he touches!

And you?

You know that I will be strong when you leave.

I do not know if I will.

I do not even know who I am.

Your people need you.

With or without your power.

You just have to give up the past.

What the fuck? Your people said that the product will be here and it is not here.

Hey, it's not their fault.

They are idiots, because this is not here.

I strongly recommend that you pack your belongings and come back home.

Wow, you can still walk.

Amateur.

Not bad

"There's no reason for us to be enemies, Miss Kane.
"Knowing my true identity is a sufficient reason.

Give in, I'm here just so that you can join the group of heroes of the Earth.

I will be very happy, Bruce Wayne, is a living, sexist, misogynist animal

You see men as enemies.

I grew up surrounded by women, so believe me ...

... I appreciate your superiority

But this is a greater good, Kate.

Though it sounds obvious.

I also grew up surrounded by women, princess.

My beloved mother.

My beautiful twin.

Both were murdered.
Pow!

In the blink of an eye.

Why are you still standing in front of me?

I know your story.

But I also know
that Colonel Jacob Kane was your father.

He trained you and made you who you are.

He was not so bad.

You did not know Jack's asshole.

- Save me pity and poems.
- I'm not going to.

I know nothing will heal your wounds.

But I need you.

Watch out for selected words.

I am to love you Wonder Woman.

Bruce Wayne?

Is he the reason?

I became who I am!

He is the reason why I continue ...

... hurting people.

I soothe my pain.

And it works.

But where?

But where is Batman now, when do you need him?

The Dark Knight is nothing but a selfish bastard.

Who gave up all ....

... apart from yourself.

That's what people do, honey.

That's why I'm not serving them.

Women on the other hand ...

... I do not have a problem with them to serve them ...

... or overuse.

You do not mean it seriously?

Dianna and Captain Jordan confirm this.

While I try to hide his statistics behind a government firewall.

So what does this mean?

This means the real Green Lantern Corps.

It could be an important link in defense of the Earth.

Leave it,
Earth always lands on your legs.

I need to go Selena.

I need to visit someone in Central City.

We'll talk about it later.

He is a well-known scientist, entrepreneurial politician ...

... and the richest man in the world for the sixteenth year in a row.

This is his first conversation since the accusations and criminal charges

Please, welcome the President of the United States ...

... Alexander Luther.

They still really love you, right?

It's a good feeling and mutually.

I've dedicated my life to building a better world for them.

- Can I call you Lex?
- Everyone's doing it.

You've had enough of this life.

A descendant of suicide slums, genius ...

... industrialist, billionaire before thirty ...

... self-styled azar Metropoli.

I believe that it was Perry White who came up with the term.

And then the White House ...

... a controversial campaign, an unexpected victory ...

... and then the controversy began.

Never in history has the commander been so much criticized.

So maligned.

How do you react to such hatred?

Well, Cat,
First, I would like to thank you for inviting me here.

I would also like to stress
that I resigned from accusations ...

... and to this day ...

... I still have not been found guilty ...

... any of the allegations,
that have been set for me.

And I can assure you,
that I will prove beyond any doubt ...

... that these accusations are only the product of a hungry press looking for a scandal.

They use false messages,
to develop alternative truths.

Beavers, just help me understand.

Are we responsible for your sins?

- This is not what I said.
- So you say ...

... that Lexcorp is a company,
which you will never close ...

... it has nothing to do with the genetic crisis and the creation of Bizarro, illegal arms sales or pollution of the Atlantic Ocean?

This was proven by Arthur Curry and his team of ecologists.

You are talking environmentalists.

I say terrorists.

We do not hear much about them anymore.

Suddenly with me outside the office ...

... Mr. Curry is literally disappearing.

And their problems are still valid.

It seems that his people are no longer seeking reform.

Maybe because they are in the pockets of the liberal party.

You did not answer my question Lex.

And what about the allegations that you had something to do with the sudden disappearance of Curry?

It's ridiculous.

To tell the truth this morning ...

... I funded a $ 10 million expedition,
which is to help find Mr. Curry.

Exactly according to the route in the Atlantic,
where his ship disappeared.

You can read about all this on the website:
www.

findArthurCurry.com

It's very noble of you.

But it will not solve the damage,
that you did during your presidency.

Did you care about the reduced fund for meals for children and the effects of hunger in the world?

I made a few mistakes, Miss Grant.

And I'm aware of that.

Sometimes the power can blind.

First of all, I see that I have always been a businessman ...

... and I made decisions.

Do not get me wrong,
it was a good disguise for the American people.

But they did not come from the heart.

So today I would like to take advantage of this speech ...

... and publicly announce my intention to correct some of my mistakes.

By the end of this year, I will liquidate 90% of all my shares and transfer them to charitable causes around the world.

We estimate that the amount exceeds 170 billion dollars.

So now, as a reputable investigative journalist ...

Would you be willing to look at the alleged links between President Ross and the environmental party?

Yes.

Yes, I could.

- Mr Wayne, I did not know ...
- I know Barry, do not worry.

You have made this place well.

Yes, I know, it's a bit messy here, I was really busy designing the costume I was supposed to focus on.

- That's good, can I come in?
- Sure.

- Well.
- Sure, of course.

Thank you very much for sending me to this lab.

I know it's a bit here ...

Let me bring you a chair.

That's fine, thanks.

So, what speed have you achieved this week?

- 14 machs.
- Stable?

At 97%.

- It's good, really good.
- Thank you.

Let's talk about the costume.

Costume, okay, what I needed to find light, ultra-thin fabrics that could provide variable thermal resistance at supersonic speed.

That way I will not get these nasty body burns caused by friction.

Yes, yes Barry,
is the whole idea?

Right.

AND...

Yes, I have it.

Do you have it here?

Yes, I have this costume.

- Do you have a costume?
- This is.

Where is he?

- In the ring?
- Yes, there.

You see, I developed a special polyester fabric, it can be molded into a miniature costume, based on the principle of hydrogen.

You know, when we release the hydrogen-absorbing material and atmosphere, it will expand to its full size.

Would you like to...

... take part in a demonstration?
- Please.

Oh God, Mr. Wayne,
I'm very sorry.

I'm still working on it,
to improve the output of the costume from the ring.

Let's get to the point, Barry.

We are facing a huge threat,
The earth is facing a huge threat.

I create a team of genetically improved people,
to help me defend this planet.

Really?

It's pretty good.

- Wait, you want ...
- I want you to give up your plans and go with me.

There is something that I must show you.

-This Grant bitch has gone too far.
- Shut up Mercy.

Do you think she knows about Curry?

Or Supergirl?

Everyone will know
if you will not be quiet.

Highest audience this year.

Only this year?

I am very disappointed, Cat.

Head up the flower,
the first pages of the newspapers are coming.

How is it to appear once again in the news?

Was that what you wanted?

It is this kind of journalism that has created such a wonderful country.

If so.

Go to Mercy's car.

But Lex.

Do not make me repeat myself.

Wait.

I think the time has come for us to change our mind about gender equality.

Miss Graves.

Join us.

I'm telling you, it was an amazing firecracker.

I'm telling you, I should go with you.

Yes, I know, she does not play well with men.

Forgive Romeo.

I can be a teacher.

Well.

We need to get back to serious matters.

Batwoman is not going.

Superman was eliminated.

I'm afraid that if this threat is as big as we think ...

... you and I simply are not enough.

Wayne, well ...

... we need its resources.

Look under your feet.

It is...

... the Batcave.

Wait a minute, this is the Batcave ...

It means that you ...

Mr Wayne!

Mr. Wayne ?!

You know, Barry ...

you are the fastest man in the world ...

... but you are sometimes slow.

- Oh fuck!
- Look, I will not lie.

I missed it.

I felt it was a curse.

- Until I gave it up.
- Why did you give it up?

I am not sure if you understand.

I do not want it to sound proud but on paper ...

... you would think that I had a perfect life.

Wealth, fame, power.

But the truth is,
that time has come.

I felt that I had sold the soul to the devil,
for everything I wanted to want.

But I have not even asked for the simplest request.

Happiness.

I thought I could not.

I thought I could not love,
that I do not deserve love.

And then I met Selena.

It's your wife.

- Expects it, right?
- I can not put on Barry's cloak.

I owe her to her
and the sun that shines.

- They deserve better.
- Like Earth!

That's the suit he's got you, Bruce.

I have to agree with this.

- It's an honor to meet you.
- That's not why I brought you here.

I did not change my mind.

I just wanted you to meet Dr. Barry Allen.

He has some skills that I think will be extremely useful for your team.

And he will take over Batcave.

- Take over?
- Barry is a brilliant scientist.

And he has the full support of Wayne Enterprises.

I can talk to you alone.

Jajks.

Barry Allen

- Diana, I really do not want ...
- What the hell is wrong with you, Bruce ?!

Did you bring the kid to the Batcave?
Have you completely lost your mind ?!

Trust me, it will be a big boost.

Do not judge him until you know what he can do.

Come on, you know you can not leave.
I do not care how much you try to find out.

Understand, we need you.

My son needs a real father.

- Deserves a better life.
- Are you blind?

There will be no life for him ...

... for none of us.

We'll all end up like this if we can not stop what's going to happen.

- I gave the word, Diana.
- Seriously?

It's probably the first time you lied.

Still...

... you are cheating?

- What?
- Yes, what?
- How is it ...

This...

... great, just ...

- I can touch?
- Yes, he will not do anything.

- I have a ring too.
- Let's look at him.

I hid the costume in it.

- Do you have a costume?
- It's a bit tacky but ...

You know, I have to wear this costume to run like in previous bands, I have such a nasty function in them.

- It's no big deal.
- You're going ...

... tell me about it?
- Do you want to see him?

- So he wants.
- Yes, it's already done.

Tada!

Is amazing,
but do not you have to see him sometimes?

Yes.

- Finished.
- Fine.

- What do you think?
- Looks amazing.

- It's not so bad what?
- It is cool.

I have one question,
What are you doing with all those stupid clothes?

Oh.

They are...

... you know, I'm still working on it.
- Fine.

- Trenin makes perfect, so they say.
- Yes.

Good, do you hear it?

What?

This sound, do you hear the sound?

- Forgive me, I know they look like ears but they are not what you said?
- Follow me.

I'm beginning to understand why they call you Wonder Woman.

You know, I take whatever they give

We're fighting for something.

We fight for men, women and their children.

They can no longer be afraid of bullying.

Is violence or discrimination.

All people have the right to live on this planet without threats.

No matter what color they were born.

The gender they were born with or the religion they practice.

We are here to protect them.

To unite for them.

But how can we do it if we can not unite?

The army is coming, gentlemen.

And it's time to show who we are.

Maybe we lost Superman,
but we have not lost our ideals.

Our goal!

Do you need a leader?
I will lead you.

And let's marvel!

Stop hiding,
stop this enemy.

The time has come, it is time for us to unite!

I'm sure we just did it.

Yes, we should do it.

Kal, I knew you would come.

Hello, Diana.

Bruce.

Seriously, you've already forgotten where the door is,
Do you just like to make spectacular entries?

Hey.

I'm Barry and I just wanted to say that.

Really...

... you have a nice costume.

I'm sorry, Diana, it looks like
that my only leader has returned.

Are you ready to lead us to certain death?

I will lead you.

But first we have to explain to ourselves what we stand for.

Earth does not deserve me,
he does not deserve us.

This planet is rot, no matter how much we protect them ...

... or love, they just create more hatred, fear.

More chaos.

If that's what you want, I'll give it to you!

Metropolis, Gotham.

I will destroy everything.

Together, we can teach them.

Humanity needs a lesson and we can lead it.

Friends, Darkseid is not an enemy.

Well, it was weird.

Is there something I do not know about?

I can not believe it.

Kal, people in this world admire us.

They listen to us.

But they must be inspired!

Let's face it, Superman.

The last time you inspired someone, you begged Bruce to steal Kryptonite so you could hide in your pain.

Ache?

What do you know about pain?

Well, I know something about it.

- Clark.
- Do not call me like that.

Mineły 3 years.

3 years after her death, I know this pain.

Torment, loss of someone you love,
you will never forget it.

But you can not let it consume you.

The world can not afford it,
just like you.

Lois was pregnant.

What?
I did not know?

Well, maybe you could know.

Or maybe it was yours!

You think I did not know Bruce!

Your betrayal is so bad, so low!

What is a human being?

Even your gear and mask can hide it.

We all wear masks, Clark.

I'm not going to ask again.

Join me.

Together with Darkseid, we can make this world great again.

I do not think so.

END