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Okay, roll up like a ball.

- Yeah. - This feels super comfortable.

Make space for the baby.

Oh, it's heavy.

You wanna really remember that the baby

is coming out of your vagina and not your face.

Like, imagine you're sitting on the toilet

and you're taking a big poop.

You're face is usually like...

You might be making some tension,

but you're really focusing in down on your bottom.

- Mhm, yeah. - Right?

Next time you pee, just notice what you're doing

with your face.

Is this my pee face?

So, clue me in.

Tell me a little bit about how you're feeling.

Like, how's everything going?

How's it all?

I think pretty good.

Um.

I'm hormonal.

- Mhm. - I do feel like...

Do you have something to say?

We... we had kind of a Defcon 3 meltdown

in Target the other day.

- It was about car seats. - Yeah.

We read all this stuff online,

all the safety things, all the recommendations,

and...

and I had a friend say,

"You know, this one's great 'cause it's the lightest one."

The Chicco that goes...

- Yeah. - That's, yeah, interchangeable.

- Yeah. - But, once we get there,

I saw it was also the cheapest one,

and then that made me so uncomfortable,

'cause then I didn't trust it, and then I, like...

I felt like a shitty mom for going to buy

the cheapest car seat 'cause it was the lightest one,

and it was the one that was recommended to me,

but it wasn't the highest rated one.

Hm.

I, like, totally lost it.

We didn't wind up with that car seat.

- Okay. - Um.

And... and we've never done this before,

so we don't know what... what the right thing to do is.

We don't know what the right way to go is.

But, I mean, I know that my tendency

is to... you know, I get anxious about this stuff,

- and... - Yeah.

And then, I try to mitigate my anxiousness

- with control, and... - And when he gets,

like, high tense and controlling about stuff,

then I start to just take care of him,

and I totally throw myself out the window...

Right, she's trying to take care of me,

and controlling the situation, which... which pisses me off,

because we just keep triggering each other, and...

Like, we've always, you know, kinda sometimes

we just get into a cycle of, like,

- Caretaking, controlling... - Caretaking, controlling.

But, I would say it's like

- mm, mm, mm, because of that. - It's on steroids.

So, why don't you just take a deep breath?

Okay.

Now, close your eyes for a second,

both of you,

and I want you to think about is,

what do you need most from each other

to get through the rest of this pregnancy?

And how can you best show up for each other

and make sure that those needs get met?

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

- Bye. - Bye.

Okay.

Oh, don't forget, oxytocin.

At least one orgasm a day, okay?

One orgasm every day.

- Just one. - For both of us?

- More her, you... - It's my oxytocin.

- It's hers. - It's my oxytocin, too.

- One. - Bye.

Bye.

- These kinda go together. - I like this one.

His and her?

These are for us to wear, right?

Yeah.

You don't have to watch us open,

especially if you got us a shitty gift,

but if you want to,

we're gonna be determining which ones of you

are our close friends, and which ones of you

are expendable, so.

- Ohh. - Ohh.

- Oh, my God, it's the Chicco! - Oh, man.

- That's cool. - Oh, my God, it's a car seat.

It's a good one, it's light, it's not too heavy,

so you can pop it out, and I'll teach you

a little trick for how to, like, loop your arm under,

- and it makes it easier to... - It's a huge gift.

- Kids do well with it, and... - So, yeah, and the breastfeed,

it, like, really hurts for a long time.

Oh, my gosh, she talked about the latch-on like it was so hard

for new Rudi be able to latch on,

and she just, like, "Near, near near,"

like a little gremlin, just biting and trying to,

like, suck you dry of every little ounce of life

- in your soul. - The only part of it

that is cute is, like, your friend who, like,

posts a beautiful photo of her breastfeeding on social media.

It's like, "Uh-huh, okay."

- Nature at its best. - I've got, like, the cracked,

bleeding nipples, and you're just like,

"Fuck you."

It's cute, it's cute.

Well, that's the thing, and I feel like women,

and correct me if I'm... if I'm speaking out of turn,

but I feel like women do other women a real disservice

when they talk about their birth experience,

like, "Oh, my God, it was so wonderful."

I think that that's a really messed up thing to do

to somebody who's about to go into childbirth,

'cause you should prepared that it's gonna be

the worst thing ever.

It is, sometimes it just tears all the way down.

But, that's just the beginning,

and that's gonna be, like, one to two days tops of...

of your life, and then it really... begins

- to like... - Do you guys have a method

- that, like, you're in? - Your, um, parenting method.

So, we've been doing, um... been doing these RIE classes.

- Uh-oh. - Which are pretty cool.

- Yeah. - Read the Janet Lansbury books,

- which are fantastic. - And Babywise.

- Babywise. - To get around

our sleep schedules, so like, we know when

her cry phase will be, and...

I think picking and choosing

different pieces from different books

is totally fine, that's great.

But, you have to decide, like,

"Are we gonna have a family bed?"

Like, is she gonna sleep with you guys.

- That's what we did. - We did not do that.

We had her sleeping with us until she was, like, 5?

- Yeah, about 5 years old. - Were you guys just

afraid of, like, crib death, is that why you...?

- Yeah, that was... - Well, that was one of

the big things, of course, it's crib death.

We wanted to keep her close to us.

But, I mean, she is a girl, so I mean,

it's not that high crib deaths for... for girls baby...

You keep saying "crib death" like that's a thing to...

- It's... it's a thing. - Well, yeah, it is.

It's... for a while it's hell, so just be prepared

- that it's gonna be... - You don't get a lot of sleep

- at all. - As soon as they're born,

you will no longer do anything that you enjoy, because...

Your baby dictates who you will become.

You don't get to be yourselves anymore,

'cause you're so tired, and so focused

on making sure that you're not ruining this kid's life,

and you're trying to make sure that you're doing it

in a healthy way, in a productive way,

in a happy way.

You're not gonna repeat your parents' mistakes,

you're not gonna do the wrong things,

- and you do. - Yep.

- You just do. - Watching my parents

deteriorate in front of my eyes as a child,

and not really understand what it was,

I feel like you can see them shrinking from

- who they wanted to be. - You're basically

- getting thrown into war. - You don't have time

for yourself, you just don't, like...

My mother didn't wanna become her mother.

Her mother didn't wanna become her mother.

- My sister didn't wanna become... - And you see it, you know it,

you hate it,

- but you can't stop... - My dad had his money in order,

had, you know, a record collection,

all this cool stuff.

He had a car that he really liked,

he cared about his fucking car, and then at a certain point,

everything was annihilated.

I saw that happen, I saw a man

deteriorate in front of my eyes as a teenager.

I... it was a nightmare.

I can't... I couldn't do it.

But, you guys are gonna kill it, I...

Yeah.

Babe, babe, can you...

can you please tell me what's...?

Jackie.

Can you... can you just stop for a second?

Babe,

can you look at me and talk to me, please?

Babe.

What the fuck is this?

Hummus.

Did you not see this one?

- I... - I got this one two days ago.

- I didn't... I didn't see that. - It's huge.

Okay, I didn't see that, but I don't think

- it's a big deal, can we not...? - Now, we're just never gonna

get through both of these before they go bad.

- Oh, okay, but... - This one's huge.

I... I didn't see it, I didn't look.

I was also... you gave me the list with the bok choy

- and the tamarind. - Yeah, I gave you a list.

I was just trying to do a nice thing.

I'm just asking you to do an aware thing.

Look, we've... we've already eaten some.

Look, there's already that much out...

You're making that up, you're, like, making that up

- to make your argument stronger. - Okay.

The seal is still on it.

Okay, okay, so the seal's still on it,

- but... but the way they pack... - Why would you lie to me

and be like, "We already ate some"?

I mean, look, it's not that full.

- It's like a potato chip... - You actually think we're gonna

eat all of this before this one...

- Yes! - ...goes bad?

- We eat a lot of hummus. - We would never eat this much.

- We've definitely eaten... - When?

- When? When? - two things of hummus in a week.

Okay, this is not... do you hear yourself talking right now?

Do you hear yourself talking? You're, like, making shit up

- about the stuff we do! - Would you fucking stop?

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell.

Would you just stop?

Because you're getting really stressed out,

and the OB said you can't get stressed out.

Babe, please don't cry.

I'm... I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Look, this was all my fault.

I should've absolutely seen

that you bought hummus two days ago.

I was trying to do a nice thing, but you're right, it was stupid.

It wasn't a nice thing.

It was a stupid and oblivious thing,

and, hey, stop, stop, please, please, please?

Babe,

I'm really sorry.

Hey.

Ew.

Why did you just put your hand in it?

If having too much hummus is an issue,

then I'm gonna take care of the issue.

Whether it makes sense to me or not.

It looks... you're not enjoying it.

This is the best hummus I've ever had.

I love this hummus so much.

Oh, my gosh, I mean...

- Ugh, the smell. - This is fun.

The smell, please stop.

Please stop putting it in your mouth,

- stop putting it in your mouth. - And I'm gonna eat that one

- after I'm done with this. - No.

- No. - And we're not gonna

have enough, are we? And we're gonna have to

go shopping for more hummus later on this afternoon.

- Don't you fucking dare. - 'Cause I'm gonna be

a hummus-eating machine.

Don't put it in your mouth, it's so...

Ugh!

Oh, God, sorry, that's so gross.

- I just wanna establish that... - Oh, God.

In this case, your concern

about our... our hummus overage,

um, might've just been rectified,

'cause look, look, that one's half gone.

- It's half gone. - And here's a vow

that I make to you:

I will never, ever, ever

buy too much hummus again.

- Never. - Never.

I really appreciate that.

There are gonna be times when I probably want more hummus.

If you ask me to buy you hummus, I'll go out and buy you hummus

that minute.

Hm?

- Oh, God. - Mm.

- It's smelling. - Mm.

- It's smelling. - Mm.

- Mm. - Mm.

What are you doing?

Maya said, "Once a day."

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

- What? - Do you still have

hummus in your mouth?

- No, I swallowed the hummus. - I think there's probably

- still some there. - No, I think I...

- Yeah, but... - I think I swallowed it.

I can smell it still, so.

What if you...? No, it's so...

I'm super turned on, but if you, like,

maybe just brush your teeth, or...?

- 'Cause of bacteria. - Okay.

I could go for it, but it... it's the bacteria

- and the baby. - Okay, yeah.

I'll go brush my teeth.

And then, I'm gonna be...

I'll meet you upstairs.

Thank you.

You're right, it was the whole day.

It was the whole day.

- I know. - Our friends...

- suck. - I know, our friends suck.

They were so discouraging.

It's still a little... I still smell it.

- You're such a dick. - I'm a super smeller.

Who brings up crib death

at our baby shower?

Mhm, I know.

- Who does that? - I know.

They said my vagina

is gonna rip down.

To your asshole.

I don't mean to laugh, because I know

- that would really suck. - Apparently it happens

- all the time. - I am just laughing

at the severe insensitivity of our asshole friends

that they would bring it up at our fucking baby shower.

I truly don't think they want us to be parents.

What, you think they want us to have an abortion?

Third-term abortion.

I do.

- Oh, that's so dark. - I do, I think they were trying

- to convince us... - That's so dark

to go into the OB, be like,

"Um, here's the thing: we know we were

- really excited... - "We were, we were excited."

...about having this kid, but..."

"But, we had a... we had a baby shower."

"And our friends really fucked us up,

and now we're wondering if you could

take her out, and just, like,

- get rid of her." - You need to kiss her

after this joke, this joke is too bad.

- Baby, it's really dark and... - Baby.

Dark, bad jokes for a dark, bad baby shower.

But, they were so serious

about... turning out like their parents.

I know, but you know what?

And it's true.

- But, you know what? - They have.

But, in fairness, B's always been a living nightmare, and...

But now, she's exactly like her mom.

Hey, babe, it's okay.

- You know why? - Why?

'Cause we're cooler than they are.

Come on, take your pants off, come to bed.

Fuck.

Honey,

I have to tell you something before I take my pants off.

No, take your pants off, then you can tell me something.

- That's so bad. - No, can you just

take your pants off first, and then you can

tell me something if you have to?

Take your pants off.

I got a text from my dad at the baby shower.

I'm so sorry.

Ugh.

- No. - He said he was gonna

be evicted.

No.

Um, I know.

- I know, honey, I know... - How much did you send him?

2,000.

I'm... I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Woo.

Babe, your dad is always about to be evicted,

because your dad is a fucking drug addict

who spends all his money on oxys.

You swore.

- You swore to God... - I know, I did.

...the last four times, not just, like,

the last time it happened.

The last four times it happened you swore to me

- that you'd never do it again. - I did.

- You swore to your sponsor. - I did.

You swore to our therapist.

- I did. - We sat down

and we had this discussion, and you said,

- "I'm never gonna do it again." - I know.

That's the fucking kid's money that you just gave him.

You are so, so right,

and I know you're so, so right.

Can you... can you not turn this into, like,

"You're so right," self-flagellation stuff?

Can you just let me be really pissed for a second?

Yes.

Thank you.

Okay, that's all I needed.

- Oh, man. - It's not fair.

- That's a bummer. - It's such a bummer.

It was just habit, but I know I...

I can't, I gotta change.

Well, we both have... look, I just...

I just... my first reaction when I was upset

- was to, like, do that. - It's very scary.

And... and I don't...

I mean, how many fucking hundreds of hours

in therapy have I spent

trying to work through my rage issues.

- There's still... - A hole.

The hole in the sheetrock

from... from, like, a month and a half ago,

and that's insane.

It's like,

if we don't pull our shit together,

- she's gonna... - We're gonna fuck up our kid.

Mm.

Like, we signed up for each other's madness.

- I know. - She didn't sign up for it.

I know, it makes me really sad actually.

The therapy has made us aware.

- Mhm. - But, clearly...

Hasn't actually changed

our behavior enough.

It's like we need to, like, shake ourselves,

'cause we gotta pull it together before we're parents.

And I'm scared, too, because we've got

- a month. - What if we shake it up?

What if we challenge each other?

What if we challenge each other to, like,

activities and tasks? Like, we have a month...

- I like this. - ...before this baby is coming.

- That is time. - We got...

- We got four weeks... - It's a short amount.

to become fully realized humans.

To be parents.

- Okay, so we got four weeks. - Let's do something.

- Let's do it, let's do it. - Let's do it, let's change.

Let's do it.

- What are we gonna do? - More... let's, like...

Let's jump out of an airplane.

- Dine and dash. - Dine and dash, I'm in.

- I'm in, let's do it. - I mean, just to get ourselves,

- like, uncomfortable... - Okay.

...and, like... and see what we're made of.

We could, uh...

we could buy a classic car and drive it up the coast.

Like, we go to Antarctica.

Great, we dive under an icecap,

and swim around, and we come up, and woo!

- Yeah, yeah! - Yeah, yeah!

We could jump off a cliff into the ocean.

- Um, we could swim with sharks. - We could graffiti something.

Uh, we could get tattoos.

- Let's, um... - Go to a punk-rock show.

- Mosh pit. - We buy a falcon.

- I would love a falcon. - Oh, yeah.

- Sitting on the porch. - Um.

We could... let's get chased by the cops.

We could do anything honestly.

We could... but we could both take

- pole dancing classes. - I could fuck you in the ass.

That's funny.

- Yeah, no. - Okay, what else could we do?

- No, but, honey. - What?

- Actually that one... - Oh, we're not playing a game,

- you're serious now. - All the other ones

it's super fun to think of, but we actually

can't travel right now, 'cause of the baby,

and we can't put her in dangerous situations.

Like... like, it's fun to think about jumping out of a plane,

but I'm never gonna do that with a baby,

but... but what about

pegging?

- Because that's... - I... I... I...

- ...intimate. - I just got...

It is intimate, I don't see how it really

prepares us to become better parents

- in a month. - No, but it... it makes us

- deal with stuff. - Ugh.

It's an act... it's so actionable.

Yeah, no, it's definitely actionable.

I read this article and it's like it's supposed

- to be so empowering. - Mhm.

And it... and honestly, it really deals with our issues

in a way where... 'cause I'm always being

a caretaker, and I'm always, like...

Like, when we have sex, I receive you and I hold you,

and I'm always going

- with your rhythm. - I wait until you come

- until I come every single time. - Which is... which is awesome.

No, you are a very generous lover,

you're very good, but it is like a waiting for you...

it is... there is, like, um...

you're in control,

and what if you weren't in control?

Hm?

I mean, it would be so... remember what Maya said?

Yeah, when... when we were humming the song back then,

I didn't think it was leading to fucking me in the ass.

- Honey. - Uh-huh?

I feel like I need this.

- Hello. - Hi.

Hi.

So, this is our sweet spot.

First time, it's so exciting.

I remember my first time like it was,

uh, 10 years ago.

Uh, I guess it kinda depends on who this is for.

I mean, obviously it's for both of you, right?

Yeah, more for her in this case than for me,

- but yeah. - I think for you...

- Mhm. - ...you might like something

- with vibration because... - Nah.

...you'll also have a bit of clitoral stimulation during.

- Ooh. - So, that could be really nice.

I think... I think we don't need to do vibration.

Let's just... let's skip the vibration.

Let's skip any bells and whistles,

and really what we're looking for

is just kinda the VW Bug

of strap-ons.

We do have a beginner strap-on actually.

Oh, that is, that says, "Beginner strap-on" right there,

- "For him." - It's 4-and-a-half inches.

- Okay. - So, I think plus belly...

I was gonna say, if... do we need, like...

I think you're gonna want more length, personally.

Personally, I would say you're gonna want more length

given belly and.

Okay, I would suggest going modular.

We've got a couple harness options.

This is our most popular, this is my favorite.

- I have this one actually. - Oh, you have this one?

Yeah, this one's really, really great.

Super well priced, really easy to use.

Um, not super intimidating.

Can you just tell me, what... what are these?

This is, um, if you want a dick on your dick.

Uh, oh, that's just if...

- Length. - ...you have a small dick

- and you want a bigger dick? - You don't necessarily

have to have a small dick, it's for any size dick,

but if you want more length.

So, I... I would go here.

It's a really good color.

- If it's your favorite. - Yeah, I would go here.

- And then... - Can I just ask,

um, is something that you use with your current partner?

It is something I have used with past partners, yes.

Um, and without getting too personal...

I guess as a general question, 'cause I think

what he's getting at is, a lot of straight couples

- use this, right? - Definitely.

- That's what I was asking. - Definitely, plenty of

- straight couples use these. - But, is your partner a...?

So, I would say

this would be a great place to go

if you wanna go for something modular,

where you can purchase a harness and also a dildo.

And are these the only two options for dildos?

No, we have a plethora of options.

Uh, would you like to see them?

- Okay, there we go. - Good.

- And that'll be all? - And some of this.

- Plus lube, okay. - I got this one.

- Thanks, babe. - Yeah.

All right, come here, I love you.

I just want you to know

your mama's dick is bigger than mine is,

and, um, I'm okay with that,

because I am a modern, evolved man

- in a modern, evolved world. - Mhm.

And, um, that doesn't make me feel insecure at all.

- Okay, okay. - Mhm.

Okay, okay.

- I like this angle. - Thanks.

I'm gonna need your butt a little higher.

- Okay. - Like, put a little arch

in your back, a little cat cow.

- Uh-huh. - Okay.

Just... I know what you're feeling.

- Uh-huh, uh-huh. - I've been there.

Just put the weight on the elbows.

- Okay. - And let yourself

rock forward.

It's better, right?

You're gonna feel

- a little something... - Okay!

Um, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

- I didn't even put it in. - I know.

If I say, "Stop," you stop immediately.

- Immediately. - Safe word:

"Immediately."

"Immediately" is our safe word?

No, "stop" is our safe word, I'm just... I was just trying

to reiterate that if I say, "Stop,"

that you immediately stop.

Yes, and maybe,

just throwing out there, we pause,

as opposed to, like, pull everything apart.

Okay, except if I tell you to pull it out, you pull it out.

- Yes. - Okay.

- Yeah. - Okay, I just, you know,

- I would do the same for you. - You would?

- Yeah. - All right.

- Just breathe. - Okay, huh!

- Huh! - It's a familiar.

- It's me. - Ah, ah, ah, ah!

Breathe.

It's okay, are you okay?

- Mhm. - Okay, I want you to...

I want you to enjoy it, and if you don't, it's...

we're just gonna pause.

Just let me breathe, just stop right there and let me breathe.

Uh-huh.

You're doing so good.

- You're doing so good, baby. - Okay.

I'm just gonna... your back is all sweaty.

- Okay, um... - Like it, do you like it?

- Yeah, I'm just... - You do?

- I'm gonna move for a second. - Yeah.

- Okay. - Yeah, lean in.

- Okay. - Uh-huh.

That's what it looks like.

- Okay. - Yeah.

- Get it. - Okay.

- Oh, sweetie! - Ah, ah!

- Oh, sweetie. - Ah, ah!

- Uh-huh, uh-huh. - Ah, ah!

- Ah, ah! - Oh, sweetie, sweetie!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! - Ah, ah!

Yeah!

Yeah.

I'm... I'm the woman.

I'm the woman.

Honey?

Are you okay?

Yes, and I'm sorry.

Where'd you fucking go?

Fuck!

You're awake?

Mhm.

- Good mornin'. - Good morning, baby.

I feel great!

- Great. - Honey,

I just slept through the whole night.

I know, you didn't get up and pee, or anything.

I can't believe it.

Uh, you deserve it.

It's like a miracle.

I haven't slept a whole night

the entire third trimester.

I know.

Ahh.

I'm glad.

I wore myself out yesterday.

- Yeah, you sure did. - Yep.

Yeah.

Oh, how do you feel?

Mm, I'm okay.

I feel a little funny, I didn't sleep much,

- but I'm all right. - No?

Uh-uh, it was a bit of a fraught night.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

- It's okay. - I felt so profoundly...

...completed.

I really appreciate it, I'm sorry you had

such a bad night.

- Mm. - I mean, don't you feel

like we...

we broke the mold?

I feel like I... I broke the...

the mold in some way.

I, like, feel funky and weird.

- Hm. - Like,

we can do anything.

There's no rules, we can do anything.

Hm.

No.

I think...

I mean,

okay, if I'm being totally honest.

Mhm, which I want you to be.

Okay.

Um.

Do you know how many times my dad used the word "faggot"

when I was a kid?

That's so bad.

Like, "Faggot this, and faggot that."

And that didn't even

really mean "gay."

It just meant

"weak."

And so, here I am,

an adult man,

who's in a loving relationship...

- Mhm. - ...with a strong

and beautiful woman, who has,

at least biologically speaking,

- proved my manliness. - Totally.

And all of a sudden we're doing this thing

where we're... we're conducting this experiment.

- Yeah? - And then, the second

it felt good, my head came back in,

and it was like, "What, 'cause you're a faggot?"

- Okay. - And... and... and that's terrible,

and I'm sorry I keep using that word.

It's just, it's obviously not me talking.

- Yeah. - It's... it's all the baggage

from my hometown, and from growing up

- with an alpha father... - Yeah.

...and... and so, when I was downstairs,

I really started trying to pick this apart

and go like, "What... what's at the core of this?"

Because there's two things that are competing inside of me.

One is that, um, I wanna be your partner,

and I wanna be... I wanna be truly open

to new experiences in the universe.

Um, and the other side is,

my dad was a homophobe, and I just let my wife

fuck me in the ass,

and so all of a sudden I felt like,

"You're not a man."

And then... and then, I started thinking about

all of the therapy that I've had,

and... and going like,

"Why is this... you know, why is this such an issue?"

This shouldn't be such an issue,

and maybe I would like it if we did it again.

If I could get past the shame.

If I could get past all the stuff that's built up

in my head, and so I think in the same way

that you had to

go on your journey

to feel more in control,

and... and to feel powerful,

I think I got some work to do, too.

- Totally. - You know?

Yeah, what do... what do you wanna do?

I think I need to punch somebody in the face.

That...

And also, I think another important component

of this is that I need to know what it feels like

to actually take a full face punch.

You want somebody to punch you...?

Punch me in the face.

I hate this.

Okay, jab.

- Hello! - One, two, one, two.

Uh, hello, back here.

Okay, give me a jab.

- Hey, man. - Give me a jab.

One, duck, two.

- Hey, what's up? - Hey, what's up, man?

Ah, it's good to see you.

Hey, what's going on? I'm Elliot.

- Hi. - What's your name?

- I'm Josh. - Josh, nice to meet you.

Elliot, Jackie, these are my friends.

You guys look like you're hanging tough in here.

Yeah, hooking it up... what's up, man?

Uh, can I... can I steal you for, like, 3 minutes?

- Uh, you cool with it? - Yeah.

- Are we cool with that? - Is that cool?

- 4 minutes, it'll be real quick. - Okay, a couple.

- I got a little favor to ask. - It's fine.

All right, Josh, 100 jumping jacks.

Count 'em out.

When you're done, I'll be back, okay?

- All right. - Okay.

- I'll bring him right back. - All right.

One, two, three, four, five...

Um, so here's the thing.

Yeah?

I would like you to hit me in the face

as hard as you can.

Fight Club.

Hm?

You're Fight Clubbing me?

Hey, did you do a Fight Club to me?

Oh, shit, that is from Fight Club, isn't it?

No, I kinda... in the back of my head,

I had some recognition, but I didn't realize

- it was something... - It was it exactly.

- That's exactly what it's from. - Yeah.

Okay, so I know you have to get back in there.

This is real quick, if you could just punch me,

and, um, if it's okay...

if it's okay, I'd love to be able to punch you back.

- That would be super helpful. - I can't tell

if you guys are fucking with me.

- Is this real? - It...

Yeah.

- No, no way. - Okay, um.

You're out of your fucking mind.

I'm not gonna punch you.

- Here, here's the thing. - In the face?

I swear to God I won't be upset.

I won't either.

She won't either.

Okay, here's the thing.

Do you remember at our baby shower

when you came up to me at the end,

and you hugged me, and you were just like,

"Brother, anything you need...

- Yeah. - ...anything at all?"

- Yeah, I... - This is it.

Not gonna do it, I'm sorry.

- I lied to you. - This is it.

I can't.

- I've... - Okay, so I'll tell,

I'll tell, I'll tell you why, I'll tell you why

'cause I do think it'll make a difference.

It's this thing that

- Jackie and I are doing... - Okay.

...because, uh, because we're about to have a baby...

- Yeah, yeah. - ...and we're trying to become

fully realized humans.

I mean, you know, I've talked to you about

my dad stuff, my rape stuff.

You know, I've been in therapy

since I was fuckin' 18 years old.

And, obviously, you know, they're like,

"You shouldn't punch people."

So, I punch walls, I, like, kick things,

but what I've never done in my entire life

is I've never been punched in the face.

And my dad used to do

- this to me all the time. - Yeah.

So, I am so afraid of this, and I just, I, I just need,

- I need the full thing. - Not happening.

I appreciate everything you just told me.

I'm sorry you had a mean dad.

And whatever you guys are going through

feels weird.

Uh, I can't help you with this.

I'm facing

my biggest fear.

This wall of fear.

And her and I together,

are gonna get over that fuckin' wall.

Cool, man.

So we can be...

I'm not goin' over the wall with you.

I don't need you to, I just need you to punch me.

There's a kid in the other room waiting.

You punch guys in the face

- every day! - Yeah,

'cause I don't care about them, and also...

Okay, can I punch you in the face?

- No. - Please?

Absolutely not.

I just need to punch you in the face.

- Well, okay. - Dude, no.

One of the two is gonna happen.

Neither of the two are gonna

- happen actually. - Okay, punch me in the face.

- I am not gonna... - Punch me in the face.

- Elliot, I'm not gonna... - Punch me in the face.

- I'm not punching... - I'm gonna punch you in the face

if you don't punch me in the face.

I'm gonna punch you in the face.

You're not gonna punch me in the face.

I'm gonna... Punch me in the face!

- No one's getting punched. - Punch me in the face!

How 'bout this, no one's fucking

- getting punched. - I'm gonna punch you!

Ah!

Ho!

Ooh.

That was...

Are you bleeding?

- Ah, shit. - You're fuckin' bleeding.

- Oh, brother! - Fuckin' damn it, man.

I'm sorry, but that was amazing!

- What are you doing? - Come on, that was amazing.

That wasn't amazing, that was ridiculous.

Get the fuck outta here.

Josh, go in the other room.

- Oh! - Okay, okay, so you're mad.

- Jackie... - So, punch me in the face!

- I'm gonna... - Come on, come on, come on,

- come on, come on. - I need you to go.

Dude, dude, dude, dude, come...

Oh!

- Oh! - Dude, I'm sorry.

Oh!

- Hey! - Honey, honey.

- Elliot, I'm sorry. - Oh, it's okay.

Flip over.

Oh, my God.

Dude, I'm so sorry.

Elliot, I'm so sorry.

You're okay?

Yeah.

- He's okay! - Oh, I went out.

- I went out! - Yeah.

Oh, that really...

- Fuck you! - That was crazy!

Can I help you, let me help you both up,

then you can get the fuck out, okay?

- Sorry. You did it! - Do I have a black eye?

- You do a little bit! - Yeah, you have a black eye

'cause you're a fuckin' idiot.

Now, can you please leave?

Dude, I know you're upset, but...

- You have no idea. - ...it's the best thing

- in my entire life. - I don't wanna

- hear it right now. - Can I?

No, don't touch me.

Okay, some day you're gonna understand.

No, I won't!

You'll be lucky if we talk some day soon.

- Get the fuck out, Elliot. - I love you.

- No, Jackie. - Let's get out.

- Okay, I feel you. - Let's go. Thank you.

No, don't thank me, just fuckin' go.

First of all, we have to

- thank you. - Oh, my God.

The things you said to us

- resonated. - Something broke open.

- You asked the question... - You were like,

- "What do you need? - ..."What do you need?"

I've never been this confident in my entire life!

That's, that's, that's great!

Also, when you were saying you gotta trust each other,

- and, like, fuck everybody else. - And fuck everybody else!

Everything in us went, "Whoa!

- Break the cycle." - Like, stop.

What do we need?

- What would do that? - Yeah, 'cause all that...

- And the oxytocin... - Everything you,

everything you said made sense in our brains,

- but we've never put it... - But we had to do it.

- ..into effect. - Got it.

And more stuff with my dad, obviously.

- But, like, the thing... - Her dad's money,

- drugs. - I realized

I needed, sexually, to give it.

- I needed to fuck him. - She wanted to fuck me.

It just seemed like the only answer..

So we went to a shop, and we got a strap-on,

- and then we went home... - And then...

...and we did it,

and it hurt,

um, for me.

For you...

Great, but emotionally,

- I felt like a rock star. - Mm-hm.

- And then... - And then, I cried.

I mean, I didn't cry around you because I didn't,

I didn't want that to tamp down,

- you know, your moment because... - And how nice is that?

And then it, the chain reaction.

Somehow, the Pavlovian connection between

masculinity, and sexuality,

and violence, the smallness I felt,

I was six years old again.

And I was sitting at my kitchen table

in my childhood house,

and I just spilled a glass of orange juice.

And my father turned, and he,

and he cocked a fist like he was gonna punch me

because I spilled a fucking glass of orange juice, okay?

And that fear has dictated

so many of the choices that I've made

- my entire life. - Like, the cycle of backing away

from that energy had to break.

Because I'm a grown-ass man,

and I'm about to be a father.

And so, I can't be scared.

I can't be scared of a fist,

or, like, a plastic dick

the way that I have been my entire life.

So, I went to visit my friend.

- It was amazing! - And I punched him in the face!

And he didn't...

I asked him at first,

I was like, "Can I, can I..."

Well, I asked him if he'd punch me,

and he was like, "No, I'm not gonna punch you."

And I was like, "Come on, please, punch me."

- And he was like, "No!" - Like, don't be a pussy!

- I punched him! - Got it.

And then he still wouldn't punch me!

So then...

- I was amazed. - And then,

and then I saw it happen on his face when he was just like...

And then, he was like

black out.

Just punched me in the face.

It was the best.

And then, and then...

...and then I'm seeing stars for a second.

But, I could tell, like...

But then I came up,

- and I was clear as day. - Yeah.

You know what, give me a second.

I'll be right back, I'm just gonna grab something.

She's the bomb.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

I could take a nap.

Yeah.

Maybe I'll take a nap.

Can we go take a nap?

- Wanna go take a nap? - Just a midday nap?

And then go to a rave?

How 'bout the zoo?

You wanna go to the zoo?

I think they have pandas there now.

Did they get pandas at the zoo?

So, this is for you.

What's this?

It's a full refund.

- Um. - You deserve it!

You deserve so much more than this.

It's really okay.

I don't think there's any amount of money that

either of you could give me

that would make it okay for us to work together.

Wha...

This whole thing, the eye,

the battery, the pegging,

- just there's a lot of... - I don't think it's battery.

There's a lot of liability issues here that

just make me feel super uncomfortable.

So, I think it's probably gonna be best if both of you just

- get up... - Wait a minute.

- ...and leave. - Wait a minute.

- Babe? - Wait a minute.

So, wait.

- You want us to go? - Yeah.

Are you still gonna be our doula?

No, no doula.

All done.

Finito.

Need you both to get up, and leave.

The thing that's just, like,

nuts is that it's not evident, and it's not so apparent

- that this is amazing. - Other people don't get it.

No, it's incredible.

How do other people not get it?

I mean, and that's hard.

If I didn't have you, I'd be so lonely.

- Honey! - To have these revelations,

- to really... - I see them,

I see what you're going through.

...have my brain break open in these ways.

And have other people look at it and go like,

"Eh, not into it."

It's so weird 'cause I see you.

- You see me. - And look, I get it with Zach.

Like, I punched my dear friend in the face,

- and that might have been... - Zach? Yeah.

...a little fucked up...

- But Maya. - ...but still!

- Maya. - She, like, talks the talk,

- but doesn't walk the walk. - Walk the walk.

No, she's a fake truth teller.

Yeah, she's living in her own lies.

Well, I think you, I think we live in a culture

that's not prepared for the truth.

I think we live in a culture

- that can't handle the truth. - I think we do.

'Cause it's just easier to lie to each other.

It is, like, how many times has your mom been like,

"Do you like the casserole?" and I'm like, "I love it!"

Oh, exactly, and how many times

has my mom been like, "Was I a good mother?"

And I'm like, "Of course, Mom."

We do it, why?

Just because it's easier.

It's just like a path of least resistance.

I know, and that's why we're so fucked!

We're fucked as a country because of this

- epidemic of lying. - We're fucked as a world.

Maybe we have been afraid of that with each other.

That's why we had a...

And now, for the first time, we're like,

"I can totally show you me,

and you can totally show me you."

- We can just, like, be like... - And we love it!

...like, "This is me.

- This is me. - This is me.

- And I love you! - And I love you!

You are everything!

- You are everything to me, babe. - Oh.

I trust you more than anyone.

I trust you more than anyone.

And you're gonna have my baby.

- And... - I've been thinkin'.

What are you thinkin'?

- Since this whole Maya thing. - Uh-huh.

Like, "Ah, where we gonna find a Doula now?"

- I know what you're thinkin'. - I don't, I don't think we need

some other stranger coming into this.

We don't need anybody else comin' in

and coaching us on what the truth

of our experience is,

bringing our baby into the world.

I think you can be my doula.

I've never seen a better doula...

- That makes me... - ...than the one right in

- front of me. - ...makes me wanna cry.

- But, you're right. - You can take the pain.

We should probably get back before it gets dark.

Okay.

Let's go.

No! There's not a path over here!

There's not a path over here!

It can't be that far.

We were just on the fucking path!

No, we weren't just on the path.

We were just on the path.

- We were coming down it. - By "just," do you mean

20 minutes ago?

Now we're way off!

- Okay. - Would you stop going up there?

I really know the path is not up there.

I think we might have to go back up

to go back down.

But down is clearly the direction

we need to generally be going.

Um.

Let's go, let's go this way.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, I think down is a good idea.

- Ow! Ow. - Ow.

- Ah! Ah! Fuck! - Oh, my gosh.

- Okay, okay. - We're... We've gone.

No, we're totally off the fucking path.

- I understand that. - Will you keep your

- voice down? - Can you not be condescending

- right now? - I'm asking you

to keep your voice down for a very practical reason

- because I feel like... - Yeah, what's the practical

- reason? - ...we're like,

like shouting, like, "Help, we're lost."

Like, "Help, ow! Ow!"

- Okay, can, can you... - If there are gangs out here,

- they're just gonna like... - Jackie.

- Jackie, Jackie, Jackie! - What?

Can I just talk for ten seconds

without you getting all fucking vicious on me?

I'd like to make a suggestion.

Mm-hm?

Okay, do you remember that podcast

that we were listening to

where the two guys went hiking in Muir Beach

up by San Francisco?

And they got up to the top, and it was dark,

and one guy was like,

"Let's just stop here for the night."

And the other guy was like, "I'm gonna keep going.

- I'm just gonna push through." - You're not suggesting

that we are stopping.

But the second guy, the guy who kept going,

he fell off the fucking cliff.

And the guy who stayed there,

he found that other guy's body the next morning

- with his head bashed in! - We're not just gonna

sit like ducks

- out in the middle of the woods! - I'm trying to do

the safest thing.

I'm trying to do the safest thing

for me, and you, and our baby.

- And you can sleep... - Honey, just 'cause you hit

one guy!

- You hit one guy... - I'll put my coat on you.

- ...and now you think... - I'll make a fire.

...if we get attacked by multiple people,

or animals, or whatever,

that you're gonna be able to, like,

get us through the night?

Honestly!

That was really mean.

- I'm just... - I mean, that was,

that was, like...

Hitting that guy, you know that was my thing.

- And... - You know that that,

- you know what a huge... - I know internally

- that that was... - ...demarcation

that was to make me feel

like I could be a protector

of you, and our child,

- and our family, and now I do... - Like...

...and now, and now I do.

And you said you trusted me, you said you wanted me

- to be your doula! - I didn't say that I wanted

- to sleep in the woods. - It's not fucking fair!

I'm not a baby, I'm not a fucking child!

- I'm not drawing a line. - I'm not a goddamn junkie

like your father!

Why would you say that?

What? Is that an unfair thing?

Is that an untrue thing?

How...

I have nothing to say to you.

I have nothing to say to you.

I hope that we can do the rest of this

silently, or just part our ways out here.

Okay, but what if the thing happens

that happened in the podcast?

Well, it was meant to be.

Look, I'm sorry, okay?

That shouldn't have been aimed at you.

No?

Who should it have been aimed at, Elliot?

Do you like it?

Yeah!

Sort of picks up this...

Does anybody need anything else?

More coffee, or... No.

When is the baby actually due?

Uh, one more month.

Four weeks.

No more drinks?

Good, we good?

Everybody cool?

For a little while.

I'm so worried about your eye, honey.

- My eye's okay. - Don't you think we need to put

- ice on it? - No, it actually doesn't hurt

at all anymore.

It really hurt at first, but it hurt...

I'll tell ya about it later.

- Bob? - Hey, Dad?

Bob?

Yeah?

Will you come over here?

Sure, sure.

Here we go!

Here I am.

- Hey! - Hey, thanks!

So.

I know it's weird, it's like we've called this meeting.

- Here! Here! - We've called you here...

- Today. - ...today to, uh,

- well, I'm joking around. - Well, we have, we have

because we, um...

We've been going through this

intense transformation.

We've been on kind of a quest.

- Mm. - Hm.

And, um, we've had some revelations

- that we'd... - Oh!

And we wanted to share those with you guys.

- Yeah. - Great hummus.

Thank you.

You have anymore?

No.

- No, there's... - That's it.

...there's no more hummus, Dad.

So when, when is the baby coming?

It's in, it's in four weeks, three and a half.

Ah, right, right.

Final countdown, as they said.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

So, we, we have realized that

the thing

that set all this off

was about being parents

and how we feel we've been parented.

- And, and, some of the... - And...

...issues we might hold onto,

which have something to do with, um...

- You. - ...stuff, stuff... You.

I can't take my eyes off your eye.

It's okay, it's okay.

- I'm okay. - Don't you want an ice pack

- or something? - I'm okay.

- I'm just so concerned. - Okay, guys.

There are lots of good things.

It can hemorrhage, you can get a hemorrhage

- in your eye and a blood clot. - He's not gonna get,

he's not gonna get a hemorrhage.

- My eye is fine. - We do need to, you know,

I just... What did you wanna say?

We just need to be

- honest. - Okay, honest, go.

So you have your hand on your cheek?

Yeah.

- Um, do you wanna? Or, should I? - I can take it off.

Should I?

- Should I? Okay. - Okay.

Okay, Dad, I'm afraid of you.

Right now?

Um, always.

Always, I always have been.

Your, um, anger, um,

well, it scared me when I was a kid

'cause I was much smaller than you.

And, um, and it scares me now

because I don't wanna be that way with our daughter

when she's born.

Well, get rid of that so you don't pass it on to

your whippersnapper there.

Well, yeah, that's, that's what I'm trying to do.

- Um... - But, honey,

we've dealt with all that stuff.

Okay, but actually, we haven't dealt with it at all.

Do you, do you remember

what he's talking about?

Mm, not specifically, but...

Do you remember all the times when you would

pinch me, or you'd spank me,

or you'd cock a fist back like you were gonna hit me?

- Do you remember that? No? - Mm-mm.

- No. - He never punched you

- with his fist. - You seriously don't remember?

I don't remember a lot of things.

- Really? - Really.

- Really? - Really.

- Really? - Really!

It's gotta be in there somewhere.

- Well, I don't remember... - You're choosing

to not remember.

- You almost drowned him. - Huh?

- Nothing. - What do you wanna say?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, in the pool, when you got pissed off at me

because you thought I should be able to swim,

and I couldn't swim, and I was scared of the water,

and you told me to figure it out,

and you turned around and you went back inside?

And you swam.

- Well... - Could you not laugh?

Please don't laugh about it, Richard.

Mom came out,

and she had to jump in the pool

with all her clothes on and pull me out.

- Exactly! - I didn't actually

magically learn to swim.

She's a better swimmer than I am.

Okay, Dad, do you remember,

do you remember the time in church

where I was six, and you kept telling me

to tuck my shirt in,

and my shirt wouldn't stay in

because it was a little too short?

And you pulled me over to the side,

and in front of everybody,

you pulled my pants down,

and pulled my shirt down,

and then you pulled my pants, like, almost up to my chest?

Do you remember that?

Yeah, did we get your shirt tucked in?

- I'm just gonna run and get... - Mom?

Mom, Mom, Mom, stop, please?

Please put that down.

Please put that down.

You're just tryin' to clean up

because you're conflict avoidant,

and that's always been your issue,

and it's crippled you as a human being.

Conflict avoidant? Well, I don't know about that.

Please stop, please stop!

I think you need to calm down,

buster.

- We're calm! - We're,

we are in a safe space.

- This is a safe space. - This is a safe space

- for us to just... - This is not a safe place.

This is a safe space

- to talk about what's really... - This is the most unsafe place

I've ever been in my whole life.

There is nothing safe about this!

This is a safe space!

What does that mean, a safe space?

It's not a safe place.

There's no such thing as a safe place!

- What is a safe place? - This is a family safe place

to just say everything you gotta say!

Dad, I think you're petrified.

I think you're fucking petrified,

and I just wanna create a safe space

to talk about why you're scared.

I'm just frightened to death, so how we gonna help me?

- What happened to you? - When?

When you were a kid?

I got the shit beat outta me.

I got hit with a fist,

I got hit with a belt,

I got hit with a stick.

I got hit with whatever was available.

You don't know real fear

until you met my dad when he was younger.

He'd come home from a trip, and I don't know where

the rage was coming from,

but this guy came like a fucking lion

out of nowhere!

And he would beat the shit out of me,

and then he'd leave again for three days.

All I knew about being a parent is

how he parented me.

What else is there?

Well, I, I, I gotta go.

Dad, no you don't.

Well, I gotta go soon.

Real soon.

I know we haven't,

I haven't talked to you yet,

but I do, I do need you to stay

because...

I don't wanna talk about that other thing.

Well, we are going to talk about it

because this is an open forum.

It's open forum day.

And the whole reason that I got

sent up on this quest

was because of your text.

What text?

Where you asked us to pay your rent?

Mm.

That's why we're here?

I'm, I'm sorry I,

I got backed up.

I got behind.

I got behind,

and that's what family's for.

Family's there to help each other.

I helped you when you were a little baby.

Dad, the...

Can we talk about the pills?

And the relapse?

And the fact that this is the fourth time

in the last two years

that you've hit us up for money?

I'm not a drug addict.

I have a pain problem

with my back.

Had an accident many years ago,

and sometimes it's hard to maintain

the right, you know, balance.

But, Dad...

I needed the money 'cause I needed the money!

And I don't appreciate you bringing it up.

- How many pills are you taking? - I take it as prescribed.

What is prescribed?

I don't know.

I'm sorry, just kill me, okay?

Just fucking kill me?

Why don't I just fucking kill myself?

Then it'd be over, then you wouldn't have to... You could

- raise your kid by yourself. - Whoa!

- Okay, Bob... - I don't give a fuck!

- Dad! - Do you understand how

narcissistic you're being

- right now? - Narcissistic.

- Fuck you! - Yeah!

Yeah, I mean, we drive down here

five hours to come here,

and take you out,

and have a great time to celebrate

the birth of our grandkid,

and you, you wanna have an inquisition with us

about the parents that we were

years and years ago,

when we didn't know any better?

We didn't have these parenting classes,

this RIE, RIE parenting classes, whatever the heck

it was you went to... You don't understand

- how different it was. - I was out on the streets

when I was a kid.

I was sellin' papers on a paper corner,

on a corner when I was nine years old.

- It's different! - It's real different.

I had to walk to school,

miles, when I was seven years old!

They would just put me out.

I mean, anything could have happened,

and bad things did happen!

Yeah, you can't teach somebody to climb a tree.

I fell out of a tree!

That's right, you gotta learn to climb the tree.

Cut my ear, I still have a scar.

Oh, I'll tell you another thing that happened.

They would give me a dog, my mother would give me a dog.

I'd fall in love with the dog, I'd have the dog for six months,

then Daddy would come home, and give the dog away!

On Christmas Eve, once, I had a dog named Stray.

They gave the dog away on Christmas Eve,

and my mother said, "Oh,

it's a good time to give the dog to the pound

because on Christmas, people will be goin' to get

dogs for their children."

You wonder why I didn't want you to have a dog growin' up?

- I couldn't bear it! - It's a different world

that you're living in

from the world we lived in and grew up in.

And you really don't know what it was like.

And feelings, I mean, it's a luxury,

it's a privilege to have feelings,

to be able to discuss feelings.

If I would have stopped to talk to my dad about feelings,

he woulda knocked me for a loop!

I didn't even know I had feelings.

- What are feelings, man? - Feelings.

Good luck!

Is that what you want, is you want, you want,

you guys want, you want an apology?

I'll apologize to you.

I'll look right into your eyes right now,

and I am so sorry

for all the times that I ever hurt you,

and all the times that I ever

made you upset,

and all the times...

I'll apologize for him too.

I hated it when he

- threatened you. - Is that what you want?

For us to tell you we're sorry?

- Tell him! Apologize to him. - I mean, okay, I'm sorry

if I hurt you.

I'm sorry.

But say it, say it like you mean it.

I am sorry if I hurt you.

See?

He is sorry.

This is a good man,

and he loves you.

You doin' okay, Dad?

I'm sorry.

Dad, Dad, look at me.

How many pills are you at?

How many?

I don't know!

I don't know.

Dad.

I don't know!

I take 'em, I take 'em, I just, it doesn't...

I take 'em as needed!

And I need a lot.

I need a lot.

Will you go to rehab?

Okay.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I'll go to the meetings, I'll do whatever I can.

I'll do anything!

I'm gonna throw these freakin' pills away.

Here! Take 'em,

and flush 'em away.

This is it, this is day one... day zero.

Tomorrow's day one.

Dad.

If you mean it,

it would really mean a lot to me.

I mean it!

But I don't know.

But I wanna see your baby.

I'm excited for you to be a grandpa.

I don't wanna miss that!

I don't want you to miss that.

We don't want you guys to miss it.

That's why we wanted to

talk to you because it's important to us

that you're in our kid's life.

Oh, that's weird.

Ooh!

Oh, my God, I have to go to the bathroom.

You okay?

Ooh, I gotta go.

Uh, okay.

I'll be right back.

Uh, honey?

Can you come up here?

I'll be right back.

Wow.

What the fuck was that?

I don't know.

- Hey. - Hey.

You okay?

It's starting.

It's star...

Oh, like, it's starting right now?

Yeah, right now.

Okay.

Okay.

Awesome!

Awesome.

Oh!

Are you okay?

- No. - Are you okay?

I'm really stressed, and I'm really tired.

Oh, okay.

My white blood cell count

- is not doing well. - No, I know.

You need to not stress out.

- I can't be stressed out! - You need to not stress out.

I know I need to not stress out!

- Just, so just calm down! - So I know, so you...

Okay, let's try it again.

Wait a second, 'cause we can figure this out mathematically.

- Let's go that way. - The city lights are there.

The moon is there.

Do you remember where our car was

in relation to the moon?

Do you remember where our car was...

I peed my pants.

Hey, stop.

Eighty-eight, eighty-nine,

ninety, ninety-one, ninety-two,

ninety-three, ninety-four, ninety-five,

ninety-six, ninety-seven,

ninety-eight, ninety-nine.

That's good, hold up.

Hold on, just like that.

- Hold on just like... - Don't take a picture!

We don't need a picture,

- this is for us! - Let me take a picture!

No, that goes to the cloud.

I'm about to let you fuck me.

- Let me take a picture. - Yeah, this is different.

It's not on the cloud.

- You swear your phone? - I swear to God

it's not on the cloud.

'Cause this is not for social media.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull