Original subtitles

On September 11th, 2001, something happened that affected me for the rest of my life.

Look who's ready for the world!

I was born.

I wasn't the first kid to be born on a bad day.

There were kids born on Sandy Hook, Columbine, Pearl Harbor...

but notice how none of them were named by the date on the calendar?

That only happened with September 11th.

So what am I supposed to do with a birthday like that?

It's not like I can call it "Danny Day" and expect you to know what I'm talking about.

I have to say it's September 11th.

You can see how I developed some issues.

If you think the other kids were nice and understanding about it

you've been watching too many movies.

Nice one Danny Doom!

That's what they called me.

Danny Doom.

Because somehow everything about me was a disaster.

He should have a party.

But it's awkward.

Why? 9/11 wasn't his fault.

Right, it wasn't his fault.

No, it was W's, right?

Obama would have saved the day like a superhero!

Don't you dare make fun of him!

After mom left, dad tried having a party for me...

but no one came.

Either because they didn't want to see me, or him.

Happy September 11th.

And so, since no one wanted to be my friend,

I developed a life of the mind.

Hello ladies and gentlemen.

Today I have something very important to say, so that means you all must listen.

That includes you, Mr. Ballinger.

Then in high school, I met someone who changed my life.

Hey!

New youth group.

Everyone's welcome.

His name was Jesus.

See you there!

I was born again.

Which I was happy about because the first time hadn't gone so well.

Amen.

Things were all right after that.

Until the day I got the news that changed everything.

So what's the news?

It'll take some time to explain.

Perhaps we could sit down?

Sure.

I appreciate you having me by on such short notice.

I'm always happy to see you, Pastor.

Although I don't know why you couldn't have just texted me.

Well... some things are best said when looking someone in the eye.

So last night I met with the elders to discuss your proposal.

They thought it was very ambitious.

Starting a drama ministry,

joining the church staff,

and all while attending Bible college full time?

I know it's a lot.

I can handle it.

That's exactly the question they had.

How would he handle it?

I'll find a way.

I want to help people find hope in Jesus.

Like I have.

Could you turn that off, please?

I'd rather we speak uninterrupted.

Sure, no problem.

What you proposed would be extremely difficult.

Temptation would come your way that you could not give in to.

I know. That's why I want to do it.

Hey, did you hear the news?

I gotta call you back, Beau.

This is an emergency.

Okay, all right. Well tell me later.

Megan Hendrickson broke up with her boyfriend.

♬

So, like I was saying...

Full time ministry is not easy.

And many who are...

Megan Hendrickson broke up with her boyfriend?

Megan Hendrickson broke up with her boyfriend!

Danny?

Beau was right.

This was an emergency.

Excuse me, please.

I knew Megan from Bible Club at school.

She had been dating Damian for a year,

even though he wasn't a Christian.

A lucky break.

Finally.

It was time to act.

♬

Hey Megan.

Hi, Donny.

It's Danny.

Danny. Right. Sorry.

Nah, that's cool.

So what brings you by?

I... wanted... to see you.

How do you know where I live?

I follow you.

Online. Um...

You've posted pictures of your house.

Oh. Okay.

Um...

So what's up?

I... I heard the news.

And uh...

that's crazy.

You were supposed to go on tour with him, right?

That was the plan.

Ha!

Uh...

listen, Danny...

I'm busy, but...

thanks for stopping by.

No, no, wait!

Um...

I have to tell you something.

Um...

I wanted to tell you...

that...

you should be encouraged.

Because...

God has someone else for you.

Oh.

You came by to encourage me?

Well...

yeah.

Aw, that's so sweet.

You're such a nice guy, Danny.

Thanks. I really needed that.

Yeah? Well, you know, there's more where that came from.

Because, um...

now that you're available...

I thought, um...

that, uh...

you and I...

should...

get coffee.

Uh, thanks, Danny, but...

I'm busy.

No, not right now.

I just meant, um, sometime when you're free.

I'll be busy for awhile.

Doing what?

The tour was gonna be all summer.

Something came up.

Wait, are you saying...

Really?

But you broke up with Damian.

Yeah. This morning.

I know. That's why I came over.

Danny, you can't just ask me for a date out of the blue.

It's not out of the blue.

I've been thinking about this for months.

Thank you, again, for the encouragement, but...

God has someone else for you, too.

♬

Have you ever had a moment where you realized something you believed in completely was completely wrong?

I had a dream where Megan and Damian broke up

and she went out with me instead.

I thought if the break up happened in real life

it would be a sign from God that I should ask her out.

But then what you just saw happen happened.

Danny Doom strikes again.

Danny.

Hey, Pastor.

So glad you're back.

Can we continue?

Sure.

It sounded like you had bad news for me?

Well, actually, it's good news.

Your proposal's been accepted.

I was trying to be dramatic before.

I thought you'd like that.

Then you left for an hour.

And I was thinking, should I stay? Should I go?

Real plot twist for me.

Sorry about that.

Something came up.

Well, you got it all.

The internship. The drama program. The scholarship.

You're in full time ministry now.

And... the elders and I believe you should not be called Danny Doom

but Danny Do.

Because you're gonna do great things for the Lord.

Thank you.

That's all I ever wanted.

Which was true.

Yesterday.

Did something happen with that girl?

No.

What girl?

The one Beau called you about.

Beau's always saying crazy things.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Okay.

Well, even though I'm your boss now,

I'm still your pastor.

You can talk to me.

Thank you.

I appreciate that.

Well...

be ready for joys and sorrows.

There's a big spotlight on you now.

But it's not about you.

You have to help people see Jesus.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

And when you're tempted to be selfish...

you'll have to fight yourself.

Are you ready for that?

It's a beautiful day and the sun is shining on all God made.

What a beautiful day to tell our friend Hambone about Jesus.

Hello there, Hambone!

Hello.

What have you been up to, Hambone?

Playing rockin' shows with my band.

I have a question for you, Hambone.

What do you believe about Jesus?

That dude from a million years ago?

What's it matter?

Jesus died for our sins, Hambone.

It matters lot's.

You know what's a lot cooler than a dead guy?

A live guy.

Like this guy playing live at the Paramount tonight.

But Hambone, Jesus is alive!

But Hambone, Jesus is alive!

But Hambone...

At my show tonight there's gonna be a choir!

A choir of drunk babes!

But Hambone, Jesus is alive...

After the show me and the drunk babes are gonna go scream at old people

to give them heart attacks.

But Hambone...

And when the paramedics come

we're gonna steal an ambulance and go joy riding around for car crashes.

And when the people see us and they say, "We're saved!"

We're gonna smash into them!

And then their mothers are gonna show up and cry.

And we will pull their hair out.

But Hambone, Jesus is alive!

Alive? How is that possible?

Because Jesus is God!

After he died, he rose again!

And if we repent and believe

we'll have life after death with him.

Whoa. You know what I think?

What do you think, Hambone?

Jesus rocks.

Bye, guys! Bye!

What was with the improv?

Inspiration struck.

Well if it strikes again, I'm striking you.

You made us look like idiots.

Who cares?

The kids liked it.

Where was this inspiration when you were writing the script?

The muse visits when she pleases.

You've been nothing but negative lately.

What's the matter with you?

Oh man, you did it. Didn't you?

Did what?

Asked out Megan Hendrickson.

But she has a boyfriend.

Not since last week.

When did you do it?

After we talked.

Oh man, right after?

Danny Doom strikes again!

You're the one who called the breakup emergency news.

Yeah, cause I never thought it would happen.

I also never thought you'd ask her out the same day.

What's wrong with that?

Well did she say yes?

No.

That's what's wrong with that.

Okay. Everything I do is wrong.

Good talk, guys.

It seems we need to speak in a language you understand.

So may we present...

The Error of Danny's Ways!

A play in one act.

I shall play the part of Megan.

Good luck finding an audience.

Our play begins with the young lady lamenting the loss of her lover.

Lawdy, lawdy, I'm so lonely.

For the bond between my dear Damian and I has been torn asunder.

Why is she Southern?

Hark! It is as if light hath shined from the heavens upon your fair face, sweet Megan.

My, my. What a sudden and obvious show of affection. I do declare.

So you're Southern and he's Shakespeare?

That makes no sense.

Dear, sweet Megan, I shall unpack my heart before you.

Tis true, we've never spoken before...

Tis not true!

Yet I have spent hours, days, months

gazing at your image on the screen for I worship your beauty like an idol.

Land a' Goshen! How uncomfortable this makes me.

I shall take no notice of your discomfort and continue my entreaty.

For, despite all evidence to the contrary

I do believe this is the perfect time and manner of which to ask you for a date.

You and I on a date?

Is the Pope Protestant?

What's this?

No, you say?

However could this be?

It is the customary response to those who approach a lady in such a manner.

Oh, how devastated I am by this unforeseen outcome!

Alas...

I shall die alone! For I failed to heed the advice of my friends.

Two thumbs down.

The contrived narrative was insulting to the audience.

We're trying to help you.

You don't have to do anything crazy to get a girlfriend. Just be yourself.

And it will happen.

Probably with someone you just happen be around.

Someone I just happen to be around.

Maybe that's what I was missing!

So the next few days I happened to be around Megan all the time.

♬

Hey Megan!

What brings you out here?

Hey Megan!

What brings you out here?

Hey Megan!

What are the odds that we'd meet out here in the forest?

Hey Megan!

Oh my gosh! Fancy meeting you here.

Hey Megan!

Megan.

Goodness.

Hey Megan!

Hey Megan!

Hey Megan!

Hey Megan!

Ah!

Hey Megan!

Oh hey! Here, I'll catch up with you.

Hey Megan!

Oh, that's right. You live on this street.

I just happened to be purchasing some organic beets

and decided to walk home instead of polluting...

Danny, this has to stop.

What?

Coming up with excuses to see me.

I really did buy the beets.

Look, I know you have it in your head that this is going to work somehow

but it's not. It's working against you.

Did I catch you at a bad time?

Listen, I'll just take my beets and go.

No more, Danny. Okay?

I understand.

See you later.

No. Don't see me later.

Okay, not later.

Some other time.

We had Bible Club all year.

Why didn't you say anything then?

You were with Damian.

So you were following the rules?

Here's another one:

Leave me alone.

♬

Hello, Theresia.

Hey. You don't look ready.

I thought they cancelled.

The first church did but then a different one booked us.

All that time on your phone, I guess none of it was on email?

Be ready in 10. I'll pick you up.

Where are we, anyway?

Hope Community Church.

Get me out of here. Now.

But they booked us. We have to perform.

This is Megan's church.

Oh.

Well it'll be fine. Just don't make a big deal out of it.

No, you have to go on without me.

No, we don't. Because it's not a big deal. Remember?

Beau can be Hambone. You can read the other lines.

You can't just abandon us. This is your program.

She probably won't be here. It's for Jr. High kids.

She works with Jr. High kids!

Then this is your chance to show her you can be cool about it.

If she sees me she's not gonna be cool about it.

Did you bring the other costumes?

Yeah. Why?

I have to make sure she can't recognize me.

♬

Rock n' roll.

At my show tonight there's gonna be a choir.

A choir of drunk babes!

No. I... I already did that one.

There's gonna be a symphony.

A gang symphony.

That uses violin strings to strangle puppies.

And then they throw the dead puppies at pastors while they're trying to preach their sermons.

Uh, can I help you?

Hello.

Am I interrupting something?

Okay, then.

Good talk.

Hey.

Don't you recognize me?

No.

Are you sure?

I never forget a face tattoo.

Well good.

Cause uh...

if you recognized me that'd be trouble.

Why?

Cause you'd want an autograph.

And then other people would see and then everyone would want autographs, and...

that would defeat the whole purpose of me hiding back here.

Well you picked a bad place to hide.

There are like a hundred kids on their way to church here.

Ah, cruel irony.

What were you saying before?

Something about dead puppies?

Oh, well that's just a story I like to tell.

About how I defeated the terrible puppy killing gang.

And you like to tell it alone behind a church?

Well, yeah.

Cause you never know who might hear.

Who are you?

I'm Hambone.

Well, Hambone...

I'm Megan.

So how'd you do it?

Uh, do what?

Defeat the puppy killing gang.

Well I taught the puppies how to fight back.

You know, you're funny.

I bet you're popular at parties.

Oh, I'm the man at parties.

Every year, on my birthday, I have...

a hundred friends over!

It's my favorite day of the year.

They usually spend the first hour thanking me for previous parties and then we...

Look, I gotta get in there, but I want to hear more.

Maybe if you're around after we could meet up?

Or you could just join us.

It would be nice to finally have someone interesting in there.

How about instead you and I get out of here?

Right now?

Yeah.

My dad's the pastor. I can't just skip it.

You can if you're with me.

Danny!

We're on in about seven min...

Danny, where you at?

I'm in Pamplona, Spain. Running with the bulls, right?

And one of them comes along that everybody's afraid of.

El Diablo, they called him.

I see him and I just stop.

And I just stand there looking at him.

In the middle of Spain.

When he gets close...

I turn, backflip, and land right on top of him.

He bucks and he bucks but he can't shake me.

The locals cheer and some old timer starts playing me a song.

And I shout, "Hey man! Toss me that guitar!"

And I compose a song right there on the bull.

When we get to the arena

I play the song and it...

convinces them to let the bulls live.

And to treat animals humanely.

El Diablo wanted to marry me after that, but...

the laws in Spain wouldn't allow it at the time.

That's good. You should tell that one tonight.

Isn't that what I just did?

No, I mean at the party.

Whoa.

You never said anything about a party.

That's cause I wasn't sure if I wanted to bring you yet.

But now I am. You'll be a hit.

I don't want to go to a party.

Why?

You don't seem busy.

What if...

somebody recognizes me?

They won't.

How do you know?

Because you're putting on an act.

I mean whoever you are you've got it buried deep.

I could use that kind of crazy tonight.

Are you calling me a liar?

Anyone named Hambone would never tell anyone his real name.

Now you have a chance to prove you're as bold as you say.

This is not how I want to prove it.

Why? What are you afraid of?

I don't want to hang out with a bunch of people I don't know.

What's bold about that?

Okay.

It's getting pretty late. I should probably go.

It's like five.

I know. So late.

It was nice knowing you, Hambone.

Hey!

These uh, people at the party. What are they like?

I mean...

Are they cool?

No.

That's why I need you.

All right, then.

Let's party.

I had never seen the house before.

But I knew whose it was.

And I knew why Megan wanted me there.

♬

Hello, Damian.

You seem surprised to see me.

Did you forget that I was invited to this party?

I suppose I did.

Which you can understand, considering what's happened between then and now.

You said we should still be friends.

So I thought I'd drop by and wish you luck on the tour.

How friendly of you.

How are you, Todd?

I'm good.

You get that fill worked out?

Yep.

Ready for the road.

Now I haven't met you before

but I recognize you from the pictures he's been posting.

This is Jeannie.

She'll be with us for all sixteen cities.

Lucky you.

I'm Megan.

And how do you two know each other?

Oh come on, Jeannie.

I've told you all about Megan.

Who'd you bring with you?

This is my new friend, Hambone.

Hambone?

Is that your real name?

Real name?

What does that even mean?

Hey.

Don't I know you?

What?

Yeah, didn't we have a class together?

No, I'm not from here.

Todd, if you're watching this, you were right.

It was English.

So where are you from?

Kansas.

The roughest city in the whole state.

But I left when I was twelve cause

after seven years on the streets I had nothing left to prove.

I didn't know there were any cities like that in Kansas.

What's it called?

Some called it hell.

I called it home.

I meant what's the name of the city?

I'm not gonna tell you.

And why's that?

Because I can't have the people there knowing I'm here.

Understand?

How mysterious!

Where'd you find this idiot?

You're not being very nice, Damian.

I came here to be nice to you.

Of course. Just being nice.

You wouldn't be trying to get back at me.

That wouldn't be very Christian.

You know what that's about, right?

What are you talking about?

Looks like Megan went out and found herself the only guy at church with a tattoo

and brought him out to try to make me jealous.

Oh, he is not from church.

She's always complaining, you see...

about how the only people she knows are from church or Bible Club.

It's convenient...

that today...

the last day before the tour...

she finds herself a bad boy.

You just don't know how to be civil, do you?

If he's such a rebel why's he the only one not drinking?

Looks like my kindness isn't appreciated here.

Let's go.

Running scared.

As usual.

Happens every time she's cut to the quick by the sermonator.

I could drink you under the table.

What was that?

You heard me.

All right.

Bad idea. He drinks a lot.

Six pack sprint.

Ladies...

you'll referee.

First one to six empty shells wins.

Starting in five...

Four...

Three...

Two...

Uh...

Okay.

First round disqualification.

Beer is for babies.

You want a duel?

Let's do shots.

Shots go down until someone doesn't get up.

Got it?

Is that all you got?

I could drink that for breakfast.

But it will be enough to take you down.

♬

Hey, you can't spit it out.

What?

I saw you spit it on your sleeve.

No, I didn't.

Is that why you got your shirt wet?

You thought you could spit 'em out and it would blend in?

Are you calling me a cheater?

Yeah.

Those are fightin' words.

He can't fight.

He's gotta stay pretty for the tour.

But you knew that, didn't you?

Well if I cheated, like I'm accused,

then I'll have to prove myself some other way.

Pick the game and I'll beat you.

How about a motorcycle race?

On the roof.

Hit her.

What?

Hit her.

No way.

Not her.

Her.

What would that prove?

That you're no choir boy.

Damian...

Don't worry.

He won't do it.

Cause he's scared.

Let's go, Hambone.

This is one of Damian's stupid mind games.

You said you could beat me at any game.

Hit her.

Or you lose.

Hit her and you lose me.

Which he knows you don't want.

No, you won't lose her.

She wants you to do it.

No I don't.

She won't admit it.

But she's been wanting to hit her all night.

Good night, Damian.

A few drinks ago...

I would have just said no.

But that was a few drinks ago.

Hold her steady.

Don't do it, Hambone.

♬

Ow!

You asshole!

Now I'm gonna have a fat lip for the pictures!

It's okay. Maybe it will look tough.

That's not our look!

Get out of here. Both of you.

Did I win?

Get out!

Was that the kind of crazy you wanted?

So you didn't swallow any of it?

No.

I don't drink.

Well how'd you learn to fake it?

My dad's always trying to get me to drink with him.

So I learned that trick to keep him off my back.

Wow, my dad won't even touch the stuff.

Every time there's a beer commercial on TV he goes, "Lies. All lies."

Well, he's not wrong.

So what's up with you and Damian?

We used to date.

Yeah, well I figured that.

But why would you date someone like him?

It's hard to explain.

I've got time.

Growing up in the church, it's...

different.

There were things I couldn't talk to anyone about, but...

I could talk to him.

You couldn't talk to anyone at church?

You should try another church.

They're all the same.

Everyone is so fake.

It's like we're all in a show playing the role of 'Good Christian' and...

it's exhausting.

But do you believe it?

God and Jesus and all that?

I don't know.

I mean, I don't want to hurt my family, but...

I don't want to be like them, either.

I want to be real.

You know, like you.

What?

The way you punched Damian.

That is what real people do.

He was right.

About Jeannie. I wanted to hit her, but...

Christians aren't supposed to fight.

Only real people can do that.

So was Damian real?

Oh yeah.

Then why'd you break up?

There was something that he wanted to do that a Christian girl shouldn't.

He said he wouldn't tour without it.

I said fine, but we'd have to get married first.

And he dumped me.

I should have punched him harder.

What is it?

Damian posted something.

A picture.

Of me, but it's fake.

That is my face but that is not my body.

Forget it.

The Internet's garbage.

I know. That's why I always tried to make sure that something like this didn't happen.

I didn't want any scandal and Damian knows it.

Well it doesn't seem like something church people would see.

You don't know them.

They'll see it and they'll tell my dad.

And each other. They'll tell everyone except for me.

Well then tell them it's not you.

It's too good of a photo edit to convince them of that.

Then Damian has to say it's not you.

How would we get him to do that?

I have no idea.

Well you came up with something easy enough back there.

Can't you just think of something else?

What?

Nothing.

You're smiling. What is it?

It's something we shouldn't do.

I'll be the judge of that.

So... their van's packed for the tour, right?

But if it went missing...

You want to steal the van?

No. I do not.

But that's the idea.

And then we wouldn't tell him where it was until he admitted the picture was doctored.

Let's do it.

No, you're not thinking this through.

What did I miss?

With everything that's happened tonight, you'd be the first suspect.

No, you would.

That's why you'll do the illegal part and then when they ask me about you I'll just tell them the truth.

I have no idea who you are.

Hey Jeannie.

What?

Which one of our songs...

would most likely make girls want to take their tops off?

I don't know.

If you had to choose just one.

I didn't know there were multiple songs. I just thought it was one long one.

Come on.

We gotta know which song to play first.

Hey Jeannie!

What?

What are you doing?

Opening the windows.

It stinks in here.

Girl's don't like that.

Boo!

I thought you were...

I thought you were gonna meet me at the park.

I decided if you're not afraid to get in trouble, I shouldn't be either.

You inspire me.

♬

Well this has been an enjoyable evening.

For sure.

Damian never fought for me.

Only with me.

This is a whole new world.

Well, I'm happy to do it.

Anytime.

Let me give you my number.

I don't have a phone.

What? Everyone has a phone.

Not me.

Why?

I couldn't risk it falling into the wrong hands.

Anyway, let's just do like they did in the old days and...

make a plan to see each other again.

All right. What's the plan?

Five PM tomorrow night at the park?

It's a date.

Well...

see you then.

Hey.

Is that it?

What do you mean?

Are you just gonna go?

Well I think we've said all we should say.

But have we done all we should do?

Well I think so.

Drop the act.

Well...

Megan...

Good night, Hambone.

I kissed Megan Hendrickson.

A dream come true.

I don't remember walking home. I just remember how I felt.

It was the greatest sensation I'd ever had

and nothing else mattered.

It didn't matter that she didn't know it was me.

Because, after all, it was me.

And it didn't matter what I had to do to get there.

I skipped drama. So what?

I punched Damian. He'll live.

I stole a van.

Wait a minute.

I stole a van.

I could get in huge trouble for that.

But it wasn't me. It was Hambone.

Could Hambone get in trouble if he doesn't exist?

Hambone had my fingerprints.

Oh crap.

If I got caught I'd go to jail.

And get fired from the church and never work in ministry again.

I had to fix this.

♬

The police would be looking for someone with a face tattoo.

So I had to unsteal the van as myself.

I knew if I got caught I'd have to explain why I was driving a stolen van.

To the police and to Megan.

But I couldn't think of anything.

Somehow when I was Hambone the stories just rolled off my tongue.

But for Danny Doom, nothing came to mind.

But I also knew no one would call the police if I returned the van before the band woke up.

With all the drinking they did, I thought I would have until noon.

But there they were.

What?!

The van was here the whole time. You woke us up for nothing, Jeannie.

No, it was stolen. Remember?

Yeah.

That's why we were out looking for it all morning.

Hey guys.

I found your van!

Why'd you take it?

Uh, I didn't take it. I just...

found it.

Out in the woods.

Where you just happened to be at the butt-crack of dawn?

Yeah, I uh...

I like to take walks in the woods early.

Before it gets crowded.

How'd you know it was ours? Magic?

Well I knew you guys were leaving on tour today and I saw the band gear

and put two and two together.

You know our band?

Yeah. I follow you.

Online.

Whoa.

We're famous.

No you're not.

You followed him, didn't you?

Who?

Megan's new boyfriend.

The one who stole the van.

He stole the van.

Does he look like a van thief to you?

How do you know the other guy took it?

Because he's the type who gets mad when you insult his girl.

And this is the type that wishes he was that type.

Look...

the van's back so everything's fine now.

I'm just gonna go.

Are you one of Megan's boy toys?

I know Megan.

How?

We were in a club together at school.

I've heard of this club.

It's where everyone's drooling in their Bible's over her.

I wouldn't say that.

Did she put you up to this?

Why would she do that?

Because that's how she is.

She'll joyride all night with the bad boy. But in the morning...

comes regret.

So she confesses to 'friend-zone-Freddie' over here.

Who takes the bait.

And offers to fix it for her.

She never could decide who she wants to be.

Oh well.

She's someone else's problem now.

So what about him?

Forget him.

Pining for Megan's torture enough.

Hey!

If she helped steal the van, like you say, then...

she had you in a bad spot, don't you think?

I mean she could have demanded you take that picture down before you got the van back but she didn't.

Bad move for her.

To show you kindness?

Bad move for you to not show any back.

What are you gonna do about it, Freddie?

Remind you of your guilt-stained conscience.

That you ruined a nice girl's life...

just because she wouldn't sleep with you.

All right.

Fine.

Tell her that thing's gonna go away.

And tell her to make up her mind.

He took the picture down after that.

Said it was all a joke and made fun of those who thought it was really her.

Everyone said, "Good move, Damian!"

But he didn't save the day.

I did.

Danny Do.

But no one knew.

Howdy, Danny.

Hey, Pastor.

So...

how do you like your new office?

Is that what this is?

Well, believe it or not, my first office was worse than this one.

Say, um...

what happened last night?

What do you mean?

The drama team said you left before the performance.

Oh... that.

Yeah, um...

there was a situation and I couldn't go on.

The church was quite disappointed.

It won't happen again.

All right.

So if you didn't do the drama, you must have had some extra time on your hands.

Yeah.

Care to share how you filled it?

If there's something specific you want to ask me, Pastor, feel free.

I thought it would be obvious.

Not until you tell me.

Okay.

I'd like to know why there's a picture of you on the Internet with a stolen van.

I didn't know that.

Everybody's been posting it.

What happened?

Danny, we need to talk about this.

I'd rather not. Just do whatever you have to do.

What I have to do is get the full story.

After all, it's not every day someone on my staff turns out to be...

a hero.

If you hadn't found that van that band's whole tour would have been ruined.

Did you know that?

Just look at what they said about you.

"Last night, van and gear were stolen by some ass..."

Mean person.

"Who tried to ruin the tour.

But day was saved when Freddie here found and returned the van."

Why do they call you 'Freddie'?

That's just a friendly nickname they gave me.

Hm.

"Now we're loaded and on our way to Portland.

And that sack of... can suck..."

The rest is just their opinion of the person who stole the van.

So how'd you find it?

It just sort of... happened.

How?

I was walking through the woods and there it was.

Since when do you go walking in the woods?

Since this morning.

Well what inspired that?

God.

Really?

Yeah. Oh yeah, it was all God.

Why not just come out and say it?

This isn't something to be shy about.

I guess I just didn't want to say too much because...

I didn't want people thinking that I stole the van.

You? Steal a van?

You don't have to worry about anyone thinking that.

But you do have to worry about the attention you'll get when I tell everyone this was you.

You don't have to do that.

Giving glory to God instead of taking the credit.

That's exactly the kind of unselfishness I've been talking about.

Attaway, Danny Do.

So, like you said, I probably shouldn't get any credit.

And that humility is what convinced me you can handle it.

People pay far more attention to what you do than what you say.

This act of kindness could lead more to the Lord than a thousand church dramas.

Cause it's not just a story.

It's real.

Hey Danny, right? From church?

That was awesome what you did!

It's nice seeing a young person doing the right thing.

The attention made me extremely uncomfortable.

Oh hey, Danny!

We heard about the van.

Ah, it was nothing.

At first.

I just found it out in the woods.

That's amazing.

But then it grew on me.

Thank you.

We've been hearing about you at church!

I started to see why popularity was so popular.

That's so nice of you.

Well thank you guys.

It felt good.

Hey guys! That's Danny!

Are you serious? Danny!

And there was this big light that came down...

And it's the day of their tour, you guys.

No way!

And why shouldn't I be popular?

I did a good thing. I brought the van back.

Who cares how it was stolen?

I heard from everyone I knew that day.

Except the one I wanted to hear from most.

She didn't comment or like any of the posts.

And I checked them all.

Couldn't she see what was happening here?

And wasn't she happy that Damian took the picture down?

And that it was all resolved peacefully?

By me?

Did she know about that?

I had to find out.

Hey Megan.

Did you hear the news?

I found Damian's van and brought it back.

And he took down that picture.

So everything's good now.

There's been a lot of chatter online about it.

Isn't that great?

I told you I didn't want to see you again.

I know. I um... I just...

thought this would be news you would want to hear.

I already heard that news and it was not what I wanted to hear.

But I got him to take down the picture.

I didn't ask you to do that. I asked you to leave me alone.

But...

Goodbye.

How could she love Hambone and hate Danny?

Couldn't she see Danny was cool?

Maybe not before, but he was now.

Everyone else saw it. Why not her?

Something had to be done.

Hambone was going to see Megan with one thing on his mind.

Convince her Danny is cool.

Hey.

Take it easy.

Okay, maybe two things on his mind.

But we kissed last night, so...

You're acting like that was your first time.

You made me feel like it was.

But anyway, I saw Damian took that picture down.

I thought you didn't have a phone.

I stole one.

A glance at one. Anyway,

I guess we should return his van now, right?

Someone already did.

What?

Did you tell anyone where we hid it?

No.

Well some guy found it.

He ruined everything.

But Damian still took the picture down?

Yeah. He talked him in to it somehow.

Then I guess we should thank him.

For meddling?

For de-escalating the situation and still getting everyone what they wanted.

He sounds pretty cool to me.

I didn't want Damian to back down. I wanted to fight him and win.

Now I can't.

But you can't lose, either.

What did this guy say to Damian?

What's it matter?

It must have been something pretty compelling to get him to throw in the towel like that.

I guess he spooked him.

He does have that effect on people.

Come on. You gotta give this guy a little credit.

You sound like you want to meet him.

Nah.

I can admire from afar.

Well, you might meet him anyway.

He's been following me.

He could be here right now for all I know.

Neither of us told anyone where the van was so the only way that he could have known is if he followed us.

Couldn't he have just found it out in the woods?

I'd believe that if he hadn't already been following me.

What's wrong with that?

I mean...

I follow you.

Yeah, but that's different. This guy he's like obsessed.

So he really, really likes you.

Don't you think someone should really, really like you?

Not like this.

He's like some kid brother who doesn't know how annoying he is.

Who does annoying things like save your reputation?

Which he did purely out of self-interest.

How do you know?

Because he showed up at my doorstep to tell me about it.

And that's not all. He told everyone that God led him to the van.

And of course all the crazy Christians believed him.

So now he's their hero when all he did was stalk me.

It's pathetic.

So, um...

What should he have done instead?

Nothing.

Left me alone.

But he just keeps coming back.

He probably thinks God wants us to be together somehow.

Crazy.

How do you know it's not true?

Why are you defending him?

You said you weren't sure what you believe so how are you sure about this?

Are you worried he's gonna steal me away from you?

Don't be.

I know what I believe about who I want to spend my time with.

Look, thinking about him gives me the creeps. Can we talk about something else?

Fine by me.

What do you want to do tonight?

I didn't plan anything.

That seemed to work pretty well last time.

Got any more ex-boyfriend's for me to deal with?

No...

But you should talk to Danny.

Who's Danny?

The guy I've been talking about.

I thought you said you didn't want to talk about him anymore.

I don't, but... you can help me get rid of him.

How?

Confront him.

This is your business. Not mine.

That didn't stop you last night.

Come on, think of all the fun we had.

Why can't you just talk to him?

I have. He won't listen.

Well then it doesn't seem like he'll listen to me.

Oh he will. Because you'll beat him up if he doesn't.

Well it doesn't seem like he's done anything to deserve that.

You don't know him, and I'm telling you he deserves it.

Why?

Because he can't just do whatever he wants.

I get to decide who I want to be with.

Not him. Not my dad. Not anybody but me.

He doesn't seem to understand that.

And you want me to talk to him?

Yes.

Because it would put me in a fantastic mood.

Well, looks like he's not home.

Then we wait.

You want to just stand here waiting for him?

Yep.

That doesn't sound like fun.

The look on his face will be worth it.

Maybe he's scared already.

He could be hiding in there.

Hello?

What are you doing?

Anybody home?

You can't just go in.

Come on out, Danny. We just want to talk to you.

Hey!

We shouldn't be in here.

What are you so afraid of?

Looks like this is his room.

Is it how you pictured it?

I hadn't pictured it.

The way you described him I thought we'd see some psycho stuff, but...

He seems pretty normal.

Looks like he's been doing some pretty serious Bible study.

Yeah, he loves to show off how much he knows about the Bible.

That's a bad thing?

Knowing the Bible?

I'm just trying to understand your world.

Don't forget why we're here.

I know. But I might as well get to know him a little better.

Why? So you and him can be buddies?

♬ "Oh... this American Dream..."

He does have good taste in music.

Trust me, you and him have nothing in common.

Are you sure you want to do this?

Yes. Why are you trying to talk me out of it?

What if there's complications?

Like?

What if he tries to fight me?

Yeah, right. He'd never do that.

Won't he be mad?

Yeah, but he's weak.

Looks like he works out.

Even if he had the arms, he does not have the guts.

How do you know all this about him?

Because church boys are all the same.

Look, I don't want to hang out in his room. Let's go back outside.

Why?

Because this is weird.

Are you uncomfortable because we're breaking the rules?

If you care to join me, I will be outside.

Okay, okay. Fine.

Thank you.

Hey.

Looks like he left his phone.

We could record a message.

We'd have to make sure he sees it.

He seems like the kind of guy who checks his phone a lot.

What's up, Danny? You don't know me, but I know you.

I'm getting to know you real well here in your room.

You know who's never gonna be in your room?

Megan.

Because she doesn't want to be with you, understand?

She thinks you're a joke.

So if you don't leave her alone, you're gonna get hurt.

By me.

Tomorrow night.

Because I'm challenging you to a fight.

Five PM. At the park. Be there.

If you're not afraid.

What was that?

♬

The plan was simple.

Danny shows up for the fight.

Hambone doesn't.

Danny wins.

When you insult someone like that you have to give him a chance to fight back.

It's the right thing to do.

Well that's not what I wanted you to do. Let's do it again without that part.

No.

If he's as weak as you say what do you have to be worried about?

What are you doing?

Texting it to him. Making sure he sees it.

Oh.

Well make sure it goes to just him cause I don't want my face on the Internet.

You were supposed to get rid of him. Not challenge him. Do you want him to fight you?

It'd be an interesting twist.

Yeah, especially since you seem to like him so much.

Look.

The things you say about him...

there was a time when people talked about me like that.

When I found out...

it sucked.

So I don't like doing that to someone else.

But was it true? What they said?

No.

There was a side of me that they hadn't seen yet.

I hadn't seen it either until it happened.

Well I'm glad you've changed but Danny hasn't.

I should go.

I gotta...

get ready for the fight.

Are you afraid?

Maybe.

He could be tougher than he seems.

Not of him, of me.

Learning about who you really are.

You can talk to me.

Because I'm not afraid.

There's nothing that you could say that would scare me away now.

You don't know what you're saying.

I gotta go.

My mind's on the fight tomorrow.

See you there?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'll be there.

Hey.

Don't I get another goodnight kiss?

You're acting like that was your first time.

♬

Goodbye, Hambone.

I wish I never was you.

What's up, Beau?

Are you gonna do it?

Do what?

You totally shouldn't. It's not what we're supposed to do. But it would be cool if you did!

Are you gonna?

Gonna what?

Fight that guy.

The one who wants to fight you over Megan. Didn't you see the video?

You might get a few punches in. You lift weights, right?

In an hour the video that was supposed to go to just me had been seen by everyone.

She posted it.

♬

Hey there, Danny Do.

Hey, Pastor.

Looks like everyone's talking about you again.

So...

How are you feeling about it?

Fine.

That guy said some mean things.

I hope you're not taking it to heart.

He's kind of hard to ignore.

Well just remember that people like him do not define you.

Fighting doesn't prove anything.

Then why does everyone do it?

Because they don't know the peace they could have in Christ Jesus.

Thanks for the encouragement, Pastor.

I should get back to work.

You sure you're okay?

Yes. Very sure.

I don't know. You still seem kind of down to me.

How about we raise your spirits by seeing a movie tonight?

Um...

I have plans.

To do what?

I hope you don't mean the fight.

Danny, don't.

I can't just skip it.

Yes, you can. He does not control you.

But shouldn't I defend myself?

He's not attacking you out of the blue. He's giving you a choice.

And fighting is the wrong one.

Why?

Because Jesus said to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

Yes...

Yes, but it's...

It's more complicated than that.

I thought so too, when I was young.

I remember thinking that every slight was a big deal and I couldn't back down from anyone.

But twenty years from now you won't even remember what the fight was about.

I'd remember who won.

And what exactly would you be winning?

The ladies are never as impressed by the fights as you wished they were.

If someone talked to you the way that guy talked to me

wouldn't you want to fight him?

I'd be tempted.

Which is why instead I'd have to fight myself.

Thank you, Pastor.

You've given me a lot of good food for thought.

That's good to hear.

So...

what movie should we see?

I'm sorry.

But I have plans.

Okay.

But there's something you should know.

If you fight him I'll have to fire you.

What?

Why?

You represent the church now.

And the Lord's servant must not quarrel.

Aren't you quarreling with me right now?

I am gently instructing those who oppose the truth.

What if I show up for the fight and he doesn't?

Same consequence.

Even if there's no fight?

Showing up would mean you approve of it.

If there's no fight then no one gets hurt.

Your reputation would be hurt.

I think you mean your reputation.

What's going on with you, Danny?

It's like you're suddenly a different person.

Maybe this is the real me.

I hope not.

Because the Danny I know has a bright future in ministry ahead of him.

Whether that happens or not is up to you.

♬

You're always telling me I should take your advice so...

what should I do?

- Don't fight him. - Fight him.

He shouldn't back down.

It's not worth getting fired over. Megan won't be impressed.

How do you know?

It wouldn't impress me.

You're not her. She likes the bad boys.

Which is why she doesn't like Danny.

She might after this.

You can find a new job. God will forgive you.

I'll have to find a new church.

You can join Megan's.

Unless she rejects you.

Which is all she's been trying to do.

He should do it anyway. It would be good for his reputation.

With everyone except Megan.

And Pastor Jack. I don't want to be a jerk to him. He's the only one who's ever been there for me.

We'll be there for you.

And I really want to see this fight.

Well, even if I go, there's not gonna be a fight.

What?

He's not gonna show up.

How do you know?

I have a feeling.

Danny, I saw the video. This guy means business.

Yes, that's what the video was supposed to communicate, but...

I don't believe it.

Why not?

Because I'm him.

I'm the rebel.

But Megan likes him.

She doesn't know it's me.

She doesn't recognize you?

Like you're Clark Kent, and this other guy's Superman.

That's ridiculous.

You don't believe me?

Danny, some day you will find a girl who will appreciate your imagination.

But Megan is not the one. You need to let her go.

Unbelievable.

Our thoughts exactly.

Why is it so crazy to think that I could be a rebel?

Because we know you.

But I think I see what you're getting at.

You think that if you show up and he doesn't you win, right?

Right.

Wrong!

No fight. No winner.

But I'd show that I'm not afraid.

Of what? Standing around not fighting?

No one will care.

I'm changing my advice. There has to be a fight or it's not worth it.

The more I thought about it, the more I worried Beau had a point.

♬

Maybe it would be better if neither of them showed up.

Then Danny could keep his job and Hambone could keep Megan.

It wasn't ideal but it was probably the best option I had.

Cause if no one showed up for the fight, no one could lose.

But no one could win, either.

♬

You didn't think I'd come, did you?

I didn't think about you at all.

Then why'd you post the message?

It could have been just me and him but you made it public.

I thought people would want to see. I wasn't wrong.

Did you think it would scare me away?

You were wrong about that.

You should be scared.

I've seen him fight.

Well where is he?

I'm sure he's on his way.

Can you call him?

He doesn't have a phone.

What? Everybody has a phone.

Not him.

Why? What's he hiding?

He's just different. If you knew him you'd understand.

Maybe you don't know him as well as you think you do.

Don't act like you've proved something here.

Nothing has changed between you and me.

But something's changed between you and him, hasn't it?

He's disappointing you.

No.

He's doing what I wanted.

I told him he didn't have to fight you and he listened.

All right, everyone. There will be no fight.

Hambone just proved he's the bigger man.

Well it's about time!

♬

Megan! This must be awful for you. I'm here to help.

Oh don't watch. It will only make it harder.

♬

Aaaauuuuggghh!!!

Watch the face!

Okay.

But I just want to see...

Um...

Ah!

You can cry on my shoulder for as long as you need.

What?

Aauugh!

You broke my nose!

I didn't want to hurt anybody! You're the one who wanted to fight!

I thought you were weak. But now you have defeated me!

Oh, it's over. Thank God.

Let go of me!

Looks like I won!

Hambone! Hambone!!

You're not him.

Why would you do this?

It was his idea. He made me do it.

If you thought a fake tattoo would fool me then you're wrong.

You want to know why I don't hang out with church boys? It's because of stuff like this.

Why can't you just be real?

All right, everyone. He faked the fight.

Danny Doom strikes again.

♬

Danny Doom had struck a fatal blow.

♬

Hambone was all I had left.

I was born again once. I could do it again.

A hundred dollars would turn those fake tattoos into real ones.

And I could hide behind them forever.

Where were you?

I decided not to fight.

And I sent him a message saying so.

I see.

That must be why he thought he could get away with it.

We're free of him now. Thankfully.

It's good to be free.

And I'm gonna free myself of something else.

Damian was right.

It's time I made up my mind.

About what?

I'm gonna talk to my dad and...

tell him that I'm leaving the church.

I can't live a double life anymore.

You said you weren't sure what you believed.

Yeah, but everything that's happened the past few days has convinced me.

I am done with that world.

I never asked you to leave your faith.

I know.

But you've shown me how to be real.

I can't fake it for the rest of my life.

Will you come with me?

To talk to him?

I think this is something you're gonna have to do on your own.

I know, but...

I just want you there.

Why?

To show you what I can do.

I know you think I'm weak. Because I've asked you to do so much for me, but...

that ends now.

I want you to see the new me.

Your dad won't like the new you.

What if he throws you out?

I'll survive somehow.

Being alone is not as easy as you think.

But you'll be with me. Won't you?

We'll have each other. That's all we need.

Two rebels fighting the world together?

A dream come true.

I know in my heart it's right.

What does your heart tell you?

♬

Wait.

Before you do this, there's something you should know.

My heart wants to be with you.

But there's another part of me that says something else.

This guy Danny that you hate so much?

I'm no different than him.

Like how?

I'm a hypocrite.

You don't know the real me.

I know you have a past.

That was clear from the moment we met, but you've moved on.

I've tried.

I've tried so hard to be who you want.

But I'm weak.

Don't beat yourself up. You're better than that.

No, I'm not.

I'm Danny.

You're nothing like him.

Yes, I am. I'm Danny.

And I'm telling you, you're different.

And I'm telling you...

I'm Danny.

Get away from me.

I know you're mad because life hasn't gone your way

and you want to get it back under control...

Go away, now.

But you can't because you're weak. We all are.

If all we have is each other then we're doomed.

I said get away!

♬

True to his word, Pastor Jack fired me.

But he also listened to me tell the whole story and prayed with me.

And for the first time since this all started...

I felt free.

♬

Not how you expected it to end, right?

Yeah, me neither.

So why am I telling you all this?

Well...

there are some things I can say to everyone that I would never say to anyone.

Like...

I learned something.

It was a disaster but...

it happened for a reason.

Megan was my dream.

But...

God has someone else for her.

Everything happens for a reason.

And the reason is...

So like I was saying, the point of this all was...

Real quick, the point is...

Excuse me just a minute.

Hello.

Is this a bad time?

No. Uh, come in.

I hear you got fired.

Yeah, I deserved it.

So what are you gonna do now?

Well I still have Bible College.

But I'll have to pay for it myself.

How?

Maybe steal a van?

It might take more than one.

Is this really what you came by to talk about?

No.

I want to know why you did it.

Did what?

Told me the truth.

You had me fooled.

You could have gotten away with it for as long as you liked.

Well...

Knowing what you know now...

would you have wanted it that way?

Of course not.

Then I guess that's why I knew I had to do it.

Did you talk to your dad?

I should go.

Thanks for stopping by.

One more thing.

It doesn't have to be now.

But...

sometime...

when you're free...

could we get coffee?

♬