Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:10,084
Previously on Californication...
2
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:12,466
This one's
not your lady any more, Hank.
3
00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:16,055
If you absolutely have to be with
someone else, this is the right guy.
4
00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:18,466
It's great to see you!
I'm so glad you could make it.
5
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:19,675
Loving that mangina.
6
00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:21,597
It is fucking liberating.
7
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,977
I think I made
a terrible mistake, you know?
8
00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:25,774
Having a pool is awesome.
9
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,018
Having a husband in rehab
is even better.
10
00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:29,310
And you're fucking fired,
11
00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:31,149
as an agent and a friend.
12
00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:32,698
Bates is coming back tomorrow.
13
00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:34,906
So we've got tonight?
14
00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:38,455
I am letting go and letting God.
15
00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:39,695
I'm gonna go.
16
00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,699
You have a little
flotsam and jetsam there.
17
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,073
You just blew him again, didn't you?
18
00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:45,743
What the fuck?
19
00:00:45,838 --> 00:00:48,459
Karen does not understand
what I'm going through right now.
20
00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:52,797
I'm just tired of always keeping it
together for someone else, you know.
21
00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:54,552
You got to be fucking kidding me.
22
00:00:56,598 --> 00:01:00,513
I am a better, younger version of you.
So just fuck off, old man.
23
00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:06,352
What are you doing?
24
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:32,790
You're thirsty tonight.
25
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:37,175
Yeah. Thirsty and miserable.
26
00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:39,215
Good God, man. Look around.
27
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,390
What have you got to be
so miserable about?
28
00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:45,060
- This is enough for you?
- Enough?
29
00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:47,519
Welcome to the place
where time stands still,
30
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,731
where whisky flows and always will.
31
00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,525
Liver never pickles,
your heart never aches.
32
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:55,364
You can fuck till your dick's content.
33
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:57,991
It'll do, little piggy. It'll do.
34
00:01:58,619 --> 00:01:59,698
Ding dang do.
35
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:01,652
I missed you, man.
36
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,367
Right back at you, buddy.
37
00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,204
I like our little visits.
38
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:07,372
But I'm looking forward to
seeing you here
39
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,836
on a more permanent basis.
40
00:02:08,921 --> 00:02:10,035
Ah.
41
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,672
So you think this is where
I'm going to end up?
42
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:13,335
Call it a hunch.
43
00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:14,884
I got friends in low places.
44
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:23,424
Will you take me home?
45
00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:50,326
Tyler.
46
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:18,777
Hey.
47
00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:28,827
You tell her, or I will.
48
00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:37,295
So what's going on?
49
00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,377
Karen...
50
00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:45,632
Karen, these last couple of years
have been absolute bliss.
51
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:47,806
I mean, living here with you has been
52
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:50,849
the most peaceful chapter
of my story to date.
53
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:57,726
But, I mean, no matter
how beautiful the grounds...
54
00:03:58,697 --> 00:04:00,939
I mean, this place is a zoo.
55
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,533
And I'm a wild animal.
56
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:05,238
Sobriety...
57
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:09,993
Sobriety is not the answer for me.
I... I need to be unleashed.
58
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,583
I belong out there...
59
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:13,784
In the wilderness.
60
00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:16,245
OK.
61
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:18,747
So... What are you saying?
62
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:20,801
I'm saying that...
63
00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:24,053
That you are the best thing
that has ever happened to me.
64
00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:28,224
I will love you
till the very end of time.
65
00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:30,554
But I can no longer be your husband.
66
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,100
Oh, God.
67
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:38,434
- I'm so sorry, my love.
- No, I... Oh, my God.
68
00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:40,018
I know it's upsetting.
69
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:41,608
It's such a fucking relief!
70
00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:44,450
I know, right?
It's fucking liberating!
71
00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:45,822
Oh, that's my cue.
72
00:04:45,911 --> 00:04:48,663
No, Hank. Hank, please stay.
I have something to say to you, too.
73
00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:49,826
Please sit.
74
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:52,073
OK, this should be interesting.
75
00:04:54,837 --> 00:04:55,999
Listen...
76
00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:59,629
Look, the three of us...
77
00:05:01,593 --> 00:05:03,965
We share something spectacular.
78
00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:06,966
We all love each other.
79
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,967
I'm not having sex with you, Bates.
80
00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:10,850
That's not what I'm suggesting, Hank.
81
00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:12,811
But let me tell you something, kitten.
82
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,688
It would rock your fucking world.
83
00:05:15,774 --> 00:05:18,443
I'm sure, I'm sure. Jesus!
84
00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:23,062
Look, our lives are gonna be over
in the blink of a fucking eye.
85
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,114
I mean, this is why I have to go.
86
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:28,320
I can't live a compromised life
any longer.
87
00:05:29,705 --> 00:05:32,824
But, you two, there's still love here.
88
00:05:33,417 --> 00:05:35,374
I know it like I know myself.
89
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,919
- No, no, no, but...
- No, no, no, no.
90
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,202
- No buts!
- Listen to me.
91
00:05:38,297 --> 00:05:39,791
Karen, listen to me.
92
00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:45,334
And you, you know,
with all your shenanigans,
93
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,764
man, it's just a way
to keep her at arm's length.
94
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,096
- What?
- Because you're scared.
95
00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:54,388
What if I'm like you?
You know, destined to roam free?
96
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:58,145
Hank, you're not like me.
You're not a warrior.
97
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,814
Listen, if we were members
of the same tribe,
98
00:06:00,903 --> 00:06:02,563
I mean, I'd be out
hunting and gathering.
99
00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:04,314
You'd be home with the women.
100
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,158
Well, that... That sounds like
a way better job.
101
00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:10,196
Exactly, because
you're not an adventurer.
102
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,445
You're lazy and passive
and entitled and...
103
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,864
- OK, OK, I got it.
- No, no.
104
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:18,116
But, most of all, and best of all...
105
00:06:19,505 --> 00:06:20,536
You are a lover.
106
00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:30,429
All right, that's it.
I've said my piece.
107
00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:33,757
My wisdom's yours,
so do with it what you will.
108
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:35,551
Come here.
109
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,066
All right.
110
00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:47,106
So, until we meet again...
111
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:48,939
Lovers.
112
00:06:58,836 --> 00:06:59,915
How you doing over there?
113
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:01,625
I'm OK.
114
00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:24,648
This day is turning out to be
a lot cooler than expected.
115
00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:26,688
What you said.
116
00:07:27,239 --> 00:07:28,650
Now what?
117
00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:30,356
I don't know.
118
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,565
Picture this...
119
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,526
We pack a bag
and we drive to the airport.
120
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:36,157
We buy two tickets to paradise,
121
00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:37,742
maybe three,
if Becca wants to come with
122
00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:38,995
and then we just go.
123
00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:41,412
We figure out the rest later.
124
00:07:43,005 --> 00:07:44,167
No.
125
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,164
No?
126
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:48,422
No.
127
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,718
- It's because...
- It was worth a shot.
128
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,509
Your solution to everything
is to run away.
129
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:55,095
How about...
130
00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:58,352
You stay here, stand still,
don't move?
131
00:07:58,437 --> 00:08:00,097
Here, tonight, have dinner with me.
132
00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:02,853
- In this house.
- Hey, that sounds heavenly.
133
00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:04,396
All right.
134
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,599
Then what?
135
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:08,019
I don't know. We just wait
and we see what happens.
136
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:10,355
Cool. So we just
see what happens next.
137
00:08:11,909 --> 00:08:13,617
Well, I've got a pretty good idea.
138
00:08:13,869 --> 00:08:15,908
- That was weird.
- I could see that one coming.
139
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:21,328
- Can I ask you a favour?
- Isn't this a favour?
140
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:25,285
Oh, this is a huge favour,
but I also need a little one, too.
141
00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:27,920
- Can you call Becca for me?
- Right now?
142
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:31,802
No, after is fine.
143
00:08:34,932 --> 00:08:36,592
You had to get mom
to do your dirty work?
144
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,305
Well, I just want to explain myself.
145
00:08:39,895 --> 00:08:41,175
You don't have to do that.
146
00:08:41,647 --> 00:08:43,556
So why are you still mad at me?
147
00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:46,558
Because violence wasn't the way
to solve the problem.
148
00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:47,814
It's my problem to solve.
149
00:08:47,903 --> 00:08:49,896
But your problem
is my problem, sweetie.
150
00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:54,529
Your work is done, Dad. I am who I am.
I have to make my own mistakes.
151
00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:56,030
OK,
152
00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:58,535
I get it. I'm sorry.
153
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,867
Apology half-accepted.
154
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,413
So where does that leave
the two of you now?
155
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,584
Like I said, I broke up with him,
told him to fuck off.
156
00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:09,297
And then he broke down,
said how sorry he was,
157
00:09:09,383 --> 00:09:11,210
how it was a huge mistake
and it would never happen again.
158
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,460
Yeah. Heard that before, huh?
159
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:15,012
Said that before.
160
00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:16,888
It was a convincing case.
We made love.
161
00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:18,516
You're funny.
162
00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:20,382
We did.
163
00:09:20,853 --> 00:09:23,972
Gross! Honey, why you got to do that?
164
00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:26,220
Sorry.
165
00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:29,354
I mean... No, it's OK. It's not OK.
166
00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:31,271
I don't think... I mean, I just...
167
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:35,234
I'm never going to
get used to that shit. I won't.
168
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,282
And then he asked me to marry him.
169
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,360
You are funny.
170
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:41,821
- He did!
- He did? What a clown.
171
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,030
I said yes.
172
00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:48,208
I think I'm going to be sick.
You know...
173
00:09:48,672 --> 00:09:51,341
I know I joke about that a lot,
but I'm serious.
174
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,503
Seriously, I'm...
175
00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:59,132
Holy shit! Dad, are you OK?
176
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,009
No, of course I'm not OK.
177
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,185
I'm woozy.
178
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:05,304
Look, just because he asked
and I said yes,
179
00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:07,520
doesn't mean it's going to happen
anytime soon.
180
00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:09,102
- All right.
- And don't tell Mom, OK?
181
00:10:09,193 --> 00:10:11,315
- I want to tell her myself.
- All right.
182
00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:13,527
Shit, break's over.
I gotta get back to work.
183
00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:14,818
OK.
184
00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:16,984
- Love you, Dad.
- Love you, too.
185
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,088
So what happened?
186
00:10:36,178 --> 00:10:37,257
Uh...
187
00:10:37,346 --> 00:10:39,137
Lizzie quit.
188
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,261
- What?
- Yeah, fucking little bitch.
189
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:45,133
She said something about
how she needed more time to...
190
00:10:45,229 --> 00:10:46,723
Focus on her career.
191
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,438
I had no idea.
192
00:10:48,524 --> 00:10:49,638
Oh, really?
193
00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:52,189
I'm surprised, what with you two
being so fucking close
194
00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:53,771
and her blowing other guys and all.
195
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:55,736
Please, don't remind me.
196
00:10:58,408 --> 00:10:59,606
I know about Stu and Lizzie.
197
00:11:00,369 --> 00:11:01,827
Oh, thank God.
198
00:11:02,246 --> 00:11:04,203
It was so hard for me to hold it in.
199
00:11:04,957 --> 00:11:06,748
So... So... How are you handling it?
200
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:09,746
Oh...
201
00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:11,117
You didn't know, did you?
202
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,120
But now you do.
203
00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:15,546
Yep. Now I know!
204
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,668
I'm so sorry, Marcy. You tricked me!
205
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,718
Well, why the fuck didn't you tell me?
206
00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:22,925
Because in my advanced middle age,
I've learnt one thing,
207
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,724
and that's ignorance truly is bliss.
208
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:27,847
Oh, God damn it,
it's these hot, young skanks
209
00:11:27,938 --> 00:11:29,977
with their tight pussies
and their perfect tits.
210
00:11:30,065 --> 00:11:31,180
It's a fucking epidemic!
211
00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:32,733
That is so true!
212
00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:34,976
They can't be stopped.
They're marriage killers.
213
00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:38,071
Oh, OK, OK, it's OK.
214
00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:39,486
No!
215
00:11:40,117 --> 00:11:42,524
God damn it, Irma!
Can you give us a fucking minute?
216
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:43,651
Dios m๏ฟฝo, woman!
217
00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:47,364
I sorry, but the boy, he talking!
Say... Say again!
218
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:48,572
Blow job!
219
00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:51,330
Ah.
220
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:52,743
Blow job!
221
00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:55,708
- That's so good. You're talking!
- Oh, my baby!
222
00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:56,914
He's so good!
223
00:11:57,968 --> 00:11:59,593
Don't ever say that word again.
224
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,465
Not a nice word.
225
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:03,003
What... Where... Where are you going?
226
00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:05,138
- I'm going to the set because...
- Blow job.
227
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,633
I have to see a soon to be
ex-husband about a blow job.
228
00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:10,598
- Well, it was two, actually.
- Blow job.
229
00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:11,804
- What?
- Blow job.
230
00:12:11,899 --> 00:12:14,187
- That's even worse.
- That's exactly what I said.
231
00:12:14,276 --> 00:12:15,687
And they told me it was no big deal.
232
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:17,604
- That two was the same as one.
- Blow job.
233
00:12:17,696 --> 00:12:20,531
- That is fucking bullshit!
- I know, right?
234
00:12:20,616 --> 00:12:22,739
Here, you're too upset.
I'm going to drive you. Let's go.
235
00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:24,819
Yes, OK. Yes, I'm too upset.
236
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:25,991
Blow job!
237
00:12:26,705 --> 00:12:28,745
Michael Bay would think
this is ridiculous.
238
00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:30,955
Michael Mann would think
this is ridiculous.
239
00:12:31,043 --> 00:12:33,415
Paul Greengrass would think
this is ridiculous.
240
00:12:33,504 --> 00:12:36,208
I don't care if we go to 3D or not.
241
00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:38,915
Bullshit still looks like bullshit.
242
00:12:39,009 --> 00:12:42,010
Michael Bay? He would...
He would laugh at me right now.
243
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:44,379
I'm sure he is
somewhere laughing at me.
244
00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:47,798
And I've got a fucking actor
who won't come out of his trailer?
245
00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:50,514
You're the director.
You have to show them who's boss!
246
00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:51,683
I'm scared.
247
00:12:52,189 --> 00:12:53,220
What the fuck?
248
00:12:54,233 --> 00:12:56,474
- Holy shit.
- God.
249
00:12:57,778 --> 00:13:00,981
Hank, thank God. You must have
read my fucking mind.
250
00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:03,361
- Did you call him?
- No, but I was just about to.
251
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:04,909
What the fuck, Stu? I told you!
252
00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:08,078
I told you I never want to see his ass
on one of my sets ever again.
253
00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,998
Oh, oh, excuse me.
So this is your set all of a sudden?
254
00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:13,206
Listen, this is
a producer-driven medium,
255
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,120
you ineffectual, little shitbird.
256
00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:16,955
Shut the fuck up, both of you.
257
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:19,170
I'm looking for that other
little shitbird Tyler.
258
00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:21,376
Well, you're not the only one
looking for him, Hank.
259
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,508
Sam's got a big bug
up his ass about that guy.
260
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,680
He won't come out of his trailer,
261
00:13:25,764 --> 00:13:27,970
and we're, you know,
scared to go in there, so...
262
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:34,309
Hey, Sam.
263
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:38,108
If you missed me this much,
you could have called or sexted.
264
00:13:38,694 --> 00:13:40,271
You didn't have to
cause such a ruckus.
265
00:13:40,362 --> 00:13:42,070
This time I didn't bring
the ruckus, Moody.
266
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,436
The fucking ruckus came to me, man.
267
00:13:43,532 --> 00:13:45,655
All right, talk to me.
Tell me what happened.
268
00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:50,405
I talked to Stu about giving Kali
a small part in this joint and shit.
269
00:13:50,706 --> 00:13:52,081
So I go over to her trailer
to talk about
270
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,576
putting a baby
up in that ass, you know?
271
00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:56,160
She want to tell me
we ain't fucking no more.
272
00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:58,578
She don't love me.
She ain't never gonna love me.
273
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:01,756
Then she go and tell me she fucking
got with Tyler last night, man.
274
00:14:01,842 --> 00:14:04,759
I fucking lost my shit, yo,
trashed her trailer.
275
00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:07,010
Now I gotta kill
that fucking little cracker, man.
276
00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:09,256
Or have somebody do it for me,
which fucking sucks,
277
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:12,303
because I want the satisfaction
of doing that shit myself, you know?
278
00:14:12,394 --> 00:14:13,853
Don't do it.
279
00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:16,428
Just let it go.
280
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:23,145
I don't know, man.
You do something nice for people,
281
00:14:23,238 --> 00:14:25,480
they take advantage of that shit
over and over again.
282
00:14:25,616 --> 00:14:27,608
- I'm a good dude, Moody.
- I know you are.
283
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:29,659
You're just like me.
You're misunderstood.
284
00:14:29,745 --> 00:14:32,117
Exactly. And I can be pushed
to the brink, man.
285
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,653
And when that shit happens,
286
00:14:33,749 --> 00:14:36,418
I don't give a fuck
about nothing or nobody, man.
287
00:14:36,502 --> 00:14:37,616
That's when the Apocalypse come out.
288
00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:39,419
That's how I got
that fuckin' name, my nigga,
289
00:14:39,505 --> 00:14:42,174
because, yo, I'm three seconds from
blowing this whole fucking world up.
290
00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:44,131
Yeah, OK, OK, but...
But think about it, Sam.
291
00:14:44,218 --> 00:14:47,468
This is your moment.
Your Eddie Murphy movie star moment.
292
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:50,296
Who gives a fuck about
the Kalis and Tylers of the world?
293
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:53,427
They're nothing.
But you're Samurai fucking Apocalypse.
294
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,269
That's all well and cool, man.
295
00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:58,265
I still think I should
ice that motherfucker.
296
00:14:58,524 --> 00:14:59,722
Please don't.
297
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,394
My daughter loves that
floppy-haired mope.
298
00:15:01,485 --> 00:15:03,276
I'm not sure exactly why,
but she does.
299
00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:07,525
I got little girls, man.
I can relate to that shit.
300
00:15:07,783 --> 00:15:10,404
So what,
I don't kill this motherfucker,
301
00:15:10,494 --> 00:15:12,118
your daughter don't get
her heart broken?
302
00:15:12,204 --> 00:15:13,283
Exactly.
303
00:15:14,373 --> 00:15:16,828
- Maybe that's the move, yeah.
- Oh, that's the move, Sam.
304
00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:18,115
Most def...
305
00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:20,581
initely.
306
00:15:32,349 --> 00:15:34,472
Let's fire this motherfucker up, yo.
Come on.
307
00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:36,008
Yes!
308
00:15:36,854 --> 00:15:38,763
Yes! Yes!
309
00:15:39,231 --> 00:15:40,476
You, you're welcome.
310
00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:43,856
- Thank you.
- Yeah, I just saved your life.
311
00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:46,400
And you know how you're going
to repay the favour?
312
00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:47,947
You're going to stay the fuck
away from my daughter
313
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:50,902
and you're going to rescind
that stupid fucking marriage proposal,
314
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:53,484
- you hear me?
- All evidence to the contrary,
315
00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:55,443
I love her, Hank. I do.
316
00:15:55,539 --> 00:15:57,247
I believe you. I do.
317
00:15:57,332 --> 00:15:58,613
But you're years away from having
318
00:15:58,709 --> 00:16:00,582
any kind of
real relationship with her.
319
00:16:01,295 --> 00:16:02,705
You're like a kid
in a candy store now.
320
00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:04,290
So... So go wild.
321
00:16:04,548 --> 00:16:05,746
Fuck two of everything. Have fun.
322
00:16:05,841 --> 00:16:08,083
Just don't torture her
while you're doing it, OK?
323
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:11,126
You're making a lot of sense
right now.
324
00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:12,466
Yeah, I'm having a good day.
325
00:16:13,307 --> 00:16:16,510
Putting out fires left and right,
wording to the wise.
326
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,175
You wanna man-pound?
327
00:16:19,730 --> 00:16:20,844
Action!
328
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:36,073
Hold your fire! Hold your fire!
329
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:38,696
Garfunkel!
330
00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:40,333
You got three seconds to release her!
331
00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:43,242
One...
332
00:16:48,509 --> 00:16:49,967
You gotta be out of your mind.
333
00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:54,128
Killing bad guys is my business,
and business be fuckin' crackin', yo!
334
00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:55,552
Thank you, Officer.
335
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:57,717
You're welcome, bitch!
336
00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,140
It's fine.
337
00:17:04,358 --> 00:17:05,472
Officer?
338
00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:07,227
Get the fuck out of here,
streetwalker.
339
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:08,892
We working here.
340
00:17:12,324 --> 00:17:13,403
Thank you.
341
00:17:14,576 --> 00:17:15,691
It was really good, yeah.
342
00:17:15,786 --> 00:17:16,948
Still rolling!
343
00:17:20,499 --> 00:17:21,578
I'm not...
344
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,915
That was one fine-ass hostage, yo.
345
00:17:24,503 --> 00:17:27,255
She's a real heartbreaker, all right.
346
00:17:27,923 --> 00:17:29,465
Seriously. No, I... I...
347
00:17:31,343 --> 00:17:32,588
Yo, what the fuck, man?
348
00:17:32,678 --> 00:17:34,754
Yo, I gotta bring down
the fucking apocalypse
349
00:17:34,847 --> 00:17:36,305
before these motherfuckers, a'ight?
350
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:37,719
Cut!
351
00:17:37,808 --> 00:17:38,887
Reset!
352
00:17:38,976 --> 00:17:40,256
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
353
00:17:40,811 --> 00:17:42,519
You think you can
fucking disrespect me
354
00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:43,802
in front of my cast and crew,
355
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:45,308
and don't get
your fucking ass killed, nigga?
356
00:17:45,399 --> 00:17:46,976
I wasn't mocking you, Sam, I swear!
357
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:48,561
Yeah, well, you're over here
flirting and laughing
358
00:17:48,652 --> 00:17:50,230
while I'm trying to work,
motherfucker!
359
00:17:50,529 --> 00:17:52,023
You know what,
you two motherfuckers belong together,
360
00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:53,312
two unfaithful bitches!
361
00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:55,198
You little, snotty
Hollywood motherfucker!
362
00:17:55,284 --> 00:17:57,691
I give you the chance of a lifetime.
What the fuck you do with it?
363
00:17:57,786 --> 00:17:58,865
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
364
00:17:58,954 --> 00:18:00,578
Don't worry, Tyler. It's a fake gun.
365
00:18:01,957 --> 00:18:03,036
Biscuit.
366
00:18:04,293 --> 00:18:05,407
Shit!
367
00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:06,581
You got any more bright ideas?
368
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:08,793
For a guy with a gun to his throat,
you're pretty fucking funny.
369
00:18:08,881 --> 00:18:10,209
Look, look, look, Sam,
370
00:18:10,841 --> 00:18:13,213
if you're gonna shoot him,
you're gonna have to shoot me first.
371
00:18:13,302 --> 00:18:15,757
Moody, my brother,
mind your business right now, man.
372
00:18:15,846 --> 00:18:18,253
As much as it pains me
to admit it, Sam,
373
00:18:19,892 --> 00:18:21,350
I hooked up with Kali, too.
374
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:23,220
Get the fuck out of here, man.
You bullshitting, man.
375
00:18:23,312 --> 00:18:24,889
You my fucking boy.
You wouldn't do that, man.
376
00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:26,059
I am!
377
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:27,685
But I did. I didn't mean to.
378
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:31,025
We... We met on the flight to LA,
and we smooched a little,
379
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:33,483
and then I didn't think
I'd ever see her again.
380
00:18:33,906 --> 00:18:37,488
But there she was at your place,
looking fine as wine.
381
00:18:37,910 --> 00:18:38,989
Is this true, bitch?
382
00:18:40,871 --> 00:18:41,950
Yeah.
383
00:18:43,207 --> 00:18:44,617
So what... A little smooch
on the plane, man?
384
00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:45,871
I can live with that.
385
00:18:46,502 --> 00:18:48,079
- Yeah, well...
- What?
386
00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:51,087
You know, once you kiss somebody,
387
00:18:51,173 --> 00:18:53,165
it's hard not to want to
do it again, right?
388
00:18:53,258 --> 00:18:54,918
So... So we did...
389
00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:56,089
And then some.
390
00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:01,552
God damn it,
the truth just sounds better.
391
00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:06,478
Kali, is this fucking true?
392
00:19:07,356 --> 00:19:09,929
Calvin, I never meant to hurt you.
393
00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:12,186
So y'all been fucking
all along, right?
394
00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:13,985
No, just twice. Twice, right?
395
00:19:14,238 --> 00:19:16,111
- Yeah, just twice.
- Yeah, just the twice.
396
00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:19,324
Yeah, but both times
I accused y'all of fucking,
397
00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:20,952
you actually had been fucking!
398
00:19:21,036 --> 00:19:24,701
Yeah, it turns out you've got
quite the nose for sex, Sam.
399
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:28,038
This is fucked up, man.
You breaking my fucking heart, man...
400
00:19:29,795 --> 00:19:30,909
Both of y'all.
401
00:19:32,798 --> 00:19:34,506
I can't believe this shit, man.
402
00:19:35,676 --> 00:19:36,921
Move, nigga.
403
00:19:39,972 --> 00:19:41,134
Whoa!
404
00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:43,974
What the fuck y'all looking at, huh?
405
00:19:44,059 --> 00:19:47,143
What, you gonna fucking videotape
my shit and put it on YouTube?
406
00:19:47,229 --> 00:19:48,972
You wanna see
a fucking show, motherfuckers?
407
00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:50,262
I'll show you a show!
408
00:19:53,569 --> 00:19:54,897
No!
409
00:19:58,866 --> 00:19:59,980
Charlie!
410
00:20:01,994 --> 00:20:03,404
Oh, shit.
411
00:20:03,954 --> 00:20:05,117
It's getting dark.
412
00:20:05,497 --> 00:20:06,778
It's getting dark.
413
00:20:07,541 --> 00:20:09,913
Oh, that's much better. Thank you.
414
00:20:10,919 --> 00:20:13,624
Oh, God, I'm knocking
on heaven's door here.
415
00:20:13,714 --> 00:20:14,828
Runkles, you OK?
416
00:20:15,841 --> 00:20:17,003
I didn't mean to shoot you, man.
417
00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:18,801
I can't believe you shot at me.
418
00:20:19,178 --> 00:20:22,132
My head's all fucked up, man.
Pussy do that to a motherfucker.
419
00:20:23,307 --> 00:20:26,261
No more love no more, man.
Just ass and grass.
420
00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:27,591
That's the spirit.
421
00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:32,229
Hey, Stu, I think you should shut
this motherfucker down, man
422
00:20:32,316 --> 00:20:33,430
and do a whole rewrite.
423
00:20:33,525 --> 00:20:36,063
I don't want to be contributing
to the violence in society no more.
424
00:20:37,696 --> 00:20:41,231
I think that is a brilliant idea, Sam,
but the studio,
425
00:20:41,325 --> 00:20:43,994
I don't think they're gonna want to
risk making you unlikable.
426
00:20:48,332 --> 00:20:50,123
Marcy, what the fuck?
427
00:20:50,209 --> 00:20:53,459
God damn it, Stu!
I know about the blowie!
428
00:20:53,545 --> 00:20:55,585
It was two, actually. It was two.
429
00:20:56,173 --> 00:20:59,043
And you're gonna be hearing
from my attorney, motherfucker!
430
00:20:59,134 --> 00:21:01,886
Marcy, no!
I was just making memories, Marcy.
431
00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:03,085
Fuck you, Stu!
432
00:21:03,180 --> 00:21:05,801
I am so sorry! I love you so much!
433
00:21:05,891 --> 00:21:07,089
- So much!
- Suck on this!
434
00:21:07,184 --> 00:21:08,808
So much, baby!
435
00:21:10,521 --> 00:21:13,356
I can't believe you'd actually
shoot somebody for me.
436
00:21:13,899 --> 00:21:15,642
That's one of the single
most romantic things
437
00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:17,193
anyone's ever done for me.
438
00:21:17,444 --> 00:21:19,603
What can I say, mama?
You bring all that shit out of me.
439
00:21:36,380 --> 00:21:38,123
So are we good, Hank? Are we good?
440
00:21:38,215 --> 00:21:41,335
Are we good? You just took a bullet
for me. Of course, we're good.
441
00:21:41,426 --> 00:21:44,427
I told you I would, Hank, didn't I?
I told you I'd take a bullet for you.
442
00:21:44,555 --> 00:21:47,840
You sure did, and I love you for it,
you stupid, bald son of a bitch.
443
00:21:47,933 --> 00:21:49,308
I love you, too, Hank.
444
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:51,932
I love you, and I love little Stuart.
445
00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:53,265
You tell him I love him, right?
446
00:21:53,355 --> 00:21:55,264
You tell him I tried
to be a good daddy, OK?
447
00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:58,892
No, no, you tell him yourself.
You're going to be A-OK, buddy boy.
448
00:21:58,986 --> 00:22:01,274
You're gonna live to
humiliate yourself another day.
449
00:22:01,989 --> 00:22:04,195
How about Lizzie?
Does she seem worried about me?
450
00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:05,439
Lizzie?
451
00:22:06,285 --> 00:22:08,277
Yes, I already know that.
452
00:22:08,495 --> 00:22:10,404
Oh, yeah, yeah,
she looks pretty upset.
453
00:22:11,081 --> 00:22:13,453
That's nice, Hank. That's nice.
454
00:22:14,001 --> 00:22:16,574
- Hey, you got this?
- Yeah, I got this.
455
00:22:16,670 --> 00:22:17,785
Hey.
456
00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:21,542
What the fuck were you thinking?
You're jumping in front of bullets?
457
00:22:21,967 --> 00:22:24,672
That little mutant needs
a father more than ever now.
458
00:22:24,761 --> 00:22:25,924
- Ow!
- You dumb fuck.
459
00:22:26,013 --> 00:22:27,922
Are you OK? Are you OK?
460
00:22:28,265 --> 00:22:30,388
Hey, you better not be calling
to cancel on me.
461
00:22:30,475 --> 00:22:31,555
You wish.
462
00:22:31,894 --> 00:22:34,349
No, I just...
You better bring some wine,
463
00:22:34,438 --> 00:22:36,810
cos it's kind of
a dry household right now.
464
00:22:37,191 --> 00:22:38,389
Will do.
465
00:22:38,483 --> 00:22:40,690
Yeah, I asked Stu to hook me up
with a bottle of the good stuff,
466
00:22:40,777 --> 00:22:42,569
but then Marcy had to go
and pistol-whip him.
467
00:22:42,654 --> 00:22:43,734
What?
468
00:22:43,822 --> 00:22:45,447
It's a long story.
I'll tell you over dinner.
469
00:22:45,532 --> 00:22:47,324
OK, I'm looking forward to it.
470
00:22:47,409 --> 00:22:50,078
Oh, oh, oh, and wait.
Becca thinks she's getting married.
471
00:22:50,162 --> 00:22:51,989
OK, now I am gonna hang up.
472
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,705
No, no, wait. No, don't, don't, don't.
473
00:22:54,374 --> 00:22:55,703
Just... Come on, tell me you love me.
474
00:22:56,418 --> 00:22:57,960
Just one time. Tell me.
475
00:23:01,965 --> 00:23:03,045
Just come home.
476
00:23:04,718 --> 00:23:06,960
OK, I will. I just got to
swing by Charlie's first.
477
00:23:07,054 --> 00:23:08,963
Maybe I'll steal
a bottle of Manischewitz.
478
00:23:35,707 --> 00:23:38,993
- I saw that!
- Oh! Jesus! Fuck!
479
00:23:39,169 --> 00:23:40,913
No, it's just little old me.
480
00:23:41,004 --> 00:23:42,831
Carrie, what the fuck
are you doing here?
481
00:23:42,923 --> 00:23:44,038
I wanted to see you.
482
00:23:44,258 --> 00:23:46,215
I felt bad about
the way we left things.
483
00:23:46,301 --> 00:23:47,712
I said some
pretty harsh shit that night.
484
00:23:47,803 --> 00:23:51,254
Well, you know what? A lot of it
was true. You were right. I...
485
00:23:51,849 --> 00:23:52,963
I deserved it.
486
00:23:53,433 --> 00:23:54,809
Well, thank you for saying that.
487
00:23:55,352 --> 00:23:56,515
And maybe it was.
488
00:23:56,603 --> 00:23:59,225
And maybe you did,
but I still missed you.
489
00:24:04,444 --> 00:24:05,559
I lost my job.
490
00:24:06,196 --> 00:24:08,866
Oh, well, I'm...
I'm sorry to hear that.
491
00:24:09,157 --> 00:24:12,361
Yeah, I came out here
looking for another one,
492
00:24:12,452 --> 00:24:15,323
had a bunch of shitty interviews
and, then, thought I'd look you up.
493
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:18,238
Hey, can I ask you something?
494
00:24:19,168 --> 00:24:20,875
Yeah, but then I got to go, OK?
495
00:24:21,587 --> 00:24:22,832
- OK.
- OK.
496
00:24:27,968 --> 00:24:29,628
Did you ever love me, Hank?
497
00:24:31,096 --> 00:24:32,211
Be honest.
498
00:24:34,266 --> 00:24:35,381
No.
499
00:24:38,020 --> 00:24:39,265
You just liked fucking me?
500
00:24:41,315 --> 00:24:43,687
I did like fucking you very much, yes.
501
00:24:44,234 --> 00:24:45,349
I did.
502
00:24:46,695 --> 00:24:48,023
Well...
503
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:49,739
- Then let's fuck...
- No.
504
00:24:49,823 --> 00:24:51,982
- One more time.
- No, no, no more times, OK?
505
00:24:52,075 --> 00:24:54,993
- One more, come on.
- I'm sorry. I can't. I'm sorry.
506
00:24:59,708 --> 00:25:01,784
What does she have that I don't have?
507
00:25:02,419 --> 00:25:04,459
I don't... I don't know. She...
508
00:25:05,839 --> 00:25:08,461
She's just my everything.
509
00:25:09,426 --> 00:25:12,344
Can, can, can we not do this, please?
510
00:25:12,429 --> 00:25:13,923
It must... It must be so nice.
511
00:25:14,014 --> 00:25:16,885
It must be so nice
to be loved like that.
512
00:25:16,975 --> 00:25:18,434
But OK, no, no.
513
00:25:18,727 --> 00:25:19,890
No more fucking.
514
00:25:20,938 --> 00:25:22,266
One drink, though.
515
00:25:22,648 --> 00:25:23,762
Please?
516
00:25:23,857 --> 00:25:25,020
And I'll be on my way. I promise.
517
00:25:25,108 --> 00:25:26,271
- Just one drink, all right.
- Just one drink!
518
00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:27,818
- All right.
- OK.
519
00:25:42,167 --> 00:25:43,412
OK, right.
520
00:25:43,710 --> 00:25:44,825
OK.
521
00:25:48,465 --> 00:25:49,924
There, one drink. You happy?
522
00:25:53,136 --> 00:25:55,010
I'm the furthest from happy
I've ever been.
523
00:25:56,139 --> 00:25:58,216
I'm... I'm sorry, Carrie.
I just... I...
524
00:25:58,767 --> 00:26:00,261
- I can't help you.
- No, you can...
525
00:26:00,352 --> 00:26:02,179
No, you can help me, Hank.
You can help me. You just...
526
00:26:02,271 --> 00:26:03,979
You know, you're not going to.
527
00:26:04,857 --> 00:26:08,272
And not being loved,
never, never, ever being loved...
528
00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:10,400
That just really takes a toll on a...
529
00:26:10,487 --> 00:26:11,768
Hey! Whoa!
530
00:26:12,531 --> 00:26:13,693
- You all right?
- Yeah.
531
00:26:14,241 --> 00:26:15,486
I think it's the pills.
532
00:26:15,576 --> 00:26:16,951
- What pills?
- I probably shouldn't be drinking.
533
00:26:17,411 --> 00:26:18,490
What pills?
534
00:26:18,579 --> 00:26:22,244
Oh, I started taking these
antidepressants a few months ago.
535
00:26:22,332 --> 00:26:23,412
Hey!
536
00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:26,122
I know! It was after you dumped me!
537
00:26:26,211 --> 00:26:28,038
I mean, you know,
I had to do something.
538
00:26:28,130 --> 00:26:31,878
I set your apartment on fire.
How fucking bonkers was that?
539
00:26:31,967 --> 00:26:33,841
How many of these did you take?
540
00:26:34,469 --> 00:26:36,094
- I don't know, a bunch.
- OK, OK.
541
00:26:36,180 --> 00:26:37,722
They usually make me feel better.
542
00:26:37,806 --> 00:26:39,680
- I shouldn't mix them with booze.
- I'm calling 911.
543
00:26:39,766 --> 00:26:41,558
No, no, no, that's silly.
Don't do that. Stop it.
544
00:26:41,643 --> 00:26:44,051
Carrie, look, I need you to be
honest with me right now.
545
00:26:44,146 --> 00:26:46,138
How many of those pills did you take?
How many?
546
00:26:47,065 --> 00:26:48,394
No more than you did.
547
00:26:49,443 --> 00:26:50,557
What do you mean?
548
00:26:51,820 --> 00:26:52,899
Hank...
549
00:26:53,405 --> 00:26:55,196
How are you feeling...
550
00:26:55,365 --> 00:26:56,646
Right about now?
551
00:26:59,494 --> 00:27:01,368
What did... What did you do?
552
00:27:01,455 --> 00:27:02,700
Carrie?
553
00:27:04,291 --> 00:27:06,165
- Carrie.
- Hey, just think...
554
00:27:06,585 --> 00:27:08,127
When they find us...
555
00:27:08,212 --> 00:27:11,746
it'll look like to the world
that we were meant to be together.
556
00:27:12,883 --> 00:27:14,163
What did you do?
557
00:27:15,260 --> 00:27:16,920
Only what you made me.
558
00:27:20,599 --> 00:27:22,141
Tell me you love me.
559
00:27:26,188 --> 00:27:27,647
Tell me you love me.
560
00:28:13,277 --> 00:28:14,819
Tell me you love me.
561
00:28:16,905 --> 00:28:18,186
I love you.41238
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof