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Previously on Californication...
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If you were gonna
have sex with someone
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and you knew that it would be
the absolute last time,
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00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:19,136
what do you think it would be like?
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00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:20,473
Incredibly sad.
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00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:21,975
Make me sad.
7
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Who the fuck are you?
8
00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:26,024
Stu Beggs. Nice to meet you.
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00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:29,063
- I met the wife.
- Yeah, soon-to-be-ex. Splitsville.
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00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:31,028
So you wouldn't mind
if I took a crack at her?
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00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:33,527
Want to know how many women
I've slept with?
12
00:00:33,617 --> 00:00:36,322
- Mmm-mmm.
- I got to get it up to 100.
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00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:38,951
Triple digits. Then I can die happy.
14
00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:41,779
- I'm pregnant.
- I'm gonna be a father!
15
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,117
- I'm carrying Charlie's baby.
- What?
16
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:45,373
What the fuck?
17
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:46,921
You know what I think, Dad?
18
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,672
I think it's all gonna be OK.
19
00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:49,836
Chapters end.
20
00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:51,883
Sometimes you gotta shake things up.
21
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,761
Check out of this dump.
22
00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:55,209
Go home.
23
00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:13,446
You're amazing.
24
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A goddess.
25
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A gift from on high.
26
00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:26,618
You deserve the white dress
and the happy ending.
27
00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:37,173
Are we gonna take this thing
to the next level or what?
28
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:38,677
Huh? What?
29
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,639
Well, we're coming up on a year, Hank.
30
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- Really? Wow.
- Mmm-hmm.
31
00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:43,972
Time certainly doth fly.
32
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,895
We've kept it pretty cas.
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00:01:45,981 --> 00:01:47,523
I've been pretty careful
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00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,933
about making sure I don't make
any demands on your time.
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00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:51,106
I don't want to be that girl.
36
00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:52,570
No, you've been a great not-that girl.
37
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:55,525
I just want to know
what you see us becoming...
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Eventually.
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00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:04,487
I see us becoming incredibly close,
40
00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:07,623
great friends eventually.
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00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:11,714
After the part where you hate my guts
for a long, cold winter.
42
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,957
It's not that I'm not fond of you.
I am.
43
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:15,165
Inordinately so.
44
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:18,380
It's just that I enjoy
the casual nature of things.
45
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:19,670
I'm a casual guy.
46
00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:21,804
You know, I have to be
because I'm damaged.
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Broken really.
48
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,267
You know, old dog, no new tricks.
49
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,354
But you, you're amazing.
50
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,639
A goddess. A gift from on high.
51
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,358
You deserve the white dress
and the happy ending.
52
00:02:31,443 --> 00:02:33,519
I'm just not the guy
to give it to you, you know?
53
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:35,071
And... See, you're mad.
54
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:36,437
I can tell.
55
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I'm not mad.
56
00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:38,862
- You're not?
- No.
57
00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:40,326
- Well, I'm glad.
- No, no.
58
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:42,948
It's just...
You fucked me in the ass, Hank.
59
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:45,622
Oh, are we speaking metaphorically,
because...
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00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,451
No, I gave up the butt for you.
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00:02:47,543 --> 00:02:49,784
Do you think I would have
let you sodomise me
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00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,503
if I didn't think
there was a future here?
63
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,664
You did say that you liked it
more than you thought you would.
64
00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:55,038
Yeah, well, that's not the point.
65
00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,248
That's not the point.
66
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,006
This man's a monster.
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00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:01,765
He likes to fuck women in the ass
68
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:04,891
and then tell them that he
just wants to keep it casual.
69
00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:26,495
Who calling my phone?
70
00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:29,251
It's your agent calling from the coast
71
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,908
with the prospect
of a significant payday.
72
00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:33,786
I'll take it.
73
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,838
- Don't you want to know what it is?
- Nope.
74
00:03:36,175 --> 00:03:39,508
Can you book me on the next-ish flight
to this coast of which you speak?
75
00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:42,255
Uh-oh. What happened?
What did you do?
76
00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:45,725
I've got kind of
a bunny-boiler situation happening.
77
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:48,051
She's got a key to my place.
78
00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:50,184
I may need to crash at the villa
for a few days.
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00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:51,896
- Is that cool?
- Hey, mi casa, amigo.
80
00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:53,690
I'll even pick you up at the airport.
81
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:55,734
Thanks, Runks. Much appreesh.
82
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:58,820
Looking forward to it, buddy.
I've missed your black ass!
83
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,235
Later, masturbator.
84
00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:31,437
Oh, shit.
85
00:04:31,522 --> 00:04:33,064
Did I just do what I think I just did?
86
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,149
- Yes.
- Oh, I am so truly...
87
00:04:35,234 --> 00:04:37,522
- You did.
...madly, deeply sorry.
88
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,319
You know, and that
doesn't change the fact
89
00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:41,730
that I now have a puddle in my lap.
90
00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:45,367
Well, one could argue
that it's not entirely my fault
91
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:48,073
that you force grown men
to make huge puddles in your lap.
92
00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,164
- I'm not laughing.
- Sure you are.
93
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:54,454
Little bit?
On the inside, maybe? Yeah.
94
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:58,870
- OK, I have it. Thanks.
- Man, what are the odds?
95
00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:00,420
Of what?
96
00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:03,296
Usually, I get on a plane,
I'm seated next to John Candy,
97
00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,675
you know, or Ruth Gordon, if I'm lucky.
98
00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:08,849
But I end up next to the most
beautiful woman in the tri-state area,
99
00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:10,558
and I go and spill a drink in her lap.
100
00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:12,468
Nice work, huh?
101
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:15,054
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
102
00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:17,437
The tri-state area?
103
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,195
You're world-class.
You're runway calibre.
104
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:22,738
You're so beautiful
you're almost ugly.
105
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,068
I just didn't want it
to go to your head.
106
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,356
Hank.
107
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,277
Uh, 2-A. That's me.
108
00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:30,454
- Sorry.
- Well, you'd better be, pal.
109
00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,201
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
110
00:05:33,292 --> 00:05:34,371
No, no, no, no, hold on.
111
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:35,539
Just wait. Hold on a second.
112
00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:36,872
Can't you just take her seat?
113
00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:40,545
If the ticket says 2-A, then 2-A
is where I'm parking my posterior.
114
00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:44,877
Real stickler for the rules, this guy.
115
00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:46,761
That's how we keep
the trains running on time.
116
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,222
Choo-choo!
117
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,130
Nice to meet you, Hank.
118
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,681
- Bye, Miss Never-got-your-name.
- Bye-bye.
119
00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:54,312
Excuse me. My goodness.
120
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:55,511
Wow.
121
00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:57,471
Sorry.
122
00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:00,147
Oh.
123
00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,029
Ah! Whew!
124
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:09,030
I have got to get this under control.
I'm almost too fat to fly.
125
00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:13,827
- Some?
- No.
126
00:06:13,916 --> 00:06:15,410
No, I'm good. Thanks.
127
00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:18,042
Shoot, sorry, sorry.
128
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,870
Jeez, go ahead before I shit myself.
129
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,171
- Excuse me?
- Go. Go sit with your wife.
130
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:26,302
She guilted me into swapping with you.
131
00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:28,884
Enjoy your fucking honeymoon.
132
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,466
It's almost like the pursuit
of this one woman,
133
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:38,061
this one relationship,
became its own form of heroin.
134
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:40,230
I was strung out, you know?
135
00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:43,603
I was driving her crazy,
making my kid miserable.
136
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,232
But when you finally give up
and let go,
137
00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:46,650
good stuff starts to happen.
138
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,361
She's better now. My kid's fantastic.
139
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,033
And I'm keeping it simple.
140
00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:55,448
Such a sad, sweet tale of woe.
141
00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:57,916
I'm surprised you made it
through the whole thing.
142
00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:01,002
I thought you might try to
hang yourself there at some point.
143
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,796
You know,
I actually did think about it,
144
00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:04,589
but I figured, you know,
that'd be kind of rude
145
00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:07,000
since you were pouring
your heart out and all.
146
00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:09,212
- Appreciate that.
- Yeah.
147
00:07:09,388 --> 00:07:12,970
But, you know, this has been nice
to actually have a conversation
148
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,760
where someone who isn't
trying to get in my pants.
149
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:19,102
You mean my epic love story
for the ages isn't pure panty-peeler?
150
00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:22,972
OK, excuse me.
151
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,646
I'm gonna go
to the little girls' room.
152
00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:26,314
Well, if you don't want me
to try to get in your pants,
153
00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:28,232
don't talk dirty to me.
154
00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:31,823
You know, I really hope
that no one comes in on me.
155
00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:33,907
Lock the door.
156
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,072
See, that's the thing.
157
00:07:36,874 --> 00:07:38,416
I always forget.
158
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,201
What the fuck
do you think you're doing?
159
00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:16,444
I'm sorry. I thought you...
160
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,330
I'm just kidding.
161
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:20,947
I thought you had to pee.
162
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:23,836
I already did.
163
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,711
I'm sorry I missed that.
164
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,348
Have you done this before?
165
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:38,924
Kissed a girl? A couple of times.
166
00:08:40,771 --> 00:08:43,641
- In an aeroplane bathroom?
- Believe it or not, no.
167
00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:45,475
It always seemed like
more trouble than it was worth.
168
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:46,646
But, now that I'm here,
169
00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:49,060
I think I was just holding out
for the right gal.
170
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:55,991
For the love of Christ!
Save it for the honeymoon suite.
171
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,528
I've got serious work
I gotta do in here.
172
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,409
Thanks for
pretty much the best flight ever.
173
00:09:03,836 --> 00:09:05,745
You're very welcome.
174
00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:09,215
I guess we shouldn't ruin it
by keeping in touch or anything.
175
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:11,541
I couldn't agree more.
176
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:12,875
You know what they say,
177
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:16,469
what happens in small, cramped toilets
stays in small, cramped toilets.
178
00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:18,051
That's one of my favourite sayings.
179
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:19,933
Right up there with
"Eatin' ain't cheatin'."
180
00:09:20,269 --> 00:09:22,938
You know, it's been a long time
since I just made out with a guy.
181
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,428
You dirty slut.
182
00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:26,723
I know. It was kind of hot, though.
183
00:09:26,817 --> 00:09:29,522
Yeah. You know, maybe we
should do it again sometime
184
00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:31,900
with more room
to move one's extremities.
185
00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:33,780
You did not experience
my best work, lady.
186
00:09:33,866 --> 00:09:35,241
I've got some serious moves.
187
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:38,451
I need to be able to
extend and retract and...
188
00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:40,283
I've got to loosen up.
189
00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:41,914
If I have...
Maybe I should get your number.
190
00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:44,490
Hold on. Let me just...
I can never work this thing.
191
00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:46,624
Hey, come on, cock blocker.
192
00:09:46,879 --> 00:09:48,752
Roll down the window.
193
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:50,669
Hey...
194
00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:53,832
- Whoo!
- Runks!
195
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,006
Aah!
196
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,376
And Little Runks!
197
00:09:57,181 --> 00:09:59,054
Up high for Uncle Hankness.
198
00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:00,683
You can do it! My man!
199
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,845
Hey, you're looking good.
200
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:07,768
- He talking yet?
- Nope. Not a word.
201
00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:10,064
Marce do tell me it's totally normal.
202
00:10:10,152 --> 00:10:12,191
- How old now?
- 2.5.
203
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,653
- Totally not normal, Charlie.
- I know!
204
00:10:14,740 --> 00:10:16,613
That's what I keep saying!
205
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:17,945
That's a sweet ride you got here.
206
00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:21,285
I was totally expecting
one of your faggoty little girl cars.
207
00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:22,949
This is how much I missed you.
208
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:26,166
Leasing this very expensive
penis extension
209
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,535
made me feel closer
to my brother from another mother.
210
00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:31,832
Oh, you sweet, bald,
cock-hungry homo, you.
211
00:10:32,216 --> 00:10:33,626
Hank, Hank.
212
00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:35,669
He may not say much but he's not deaf.
213
00:10:35,761 --> 00:10:36,875
I'm sorry.
214
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:41,217
I just see you, I get all excited.
The words just spill out.
215
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,232
Hank.
216
00:10:57,741 --> 00:10:59,449
Sorry. They all look the same.
217
00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:02,078
- What? In a good way.
- Right.
218
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,573
Condescending to the last.
219
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:06,198
Maybe the houses
all look the same, but you...
220
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,541
- You look amazing.
- Thank you.
221
00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:10,576
Easy, tiger.
222
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:16,456
Oh, I can't believe we haven't fucked
for two years, nine months,
223
00:11:16,552 --> 00:11:20,384
three weeks and 69 hours.
224
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:23,219
What? It's a compliment.
I'd still totally do you.
225
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:24,388
Good to know.
226
00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:29,719
As I recall, it was mish into doggie.
Segued quite seamlessly into cowgirl.
227
00:11:30,107 --> 00:11:33,143
I came twice. You just the once.
A guy remembers these things.
228
00:11:33,235 --> 00:11:34,515
It would appear that I owe you one.
229
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,694
- How are you, Hank?
- Most excellent, thank you.
230
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,986
Mmm-hmm.
Are you still keeping it simple
231
00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:40,616
- with, um, what's-her-name?
- Nope.
232
00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:42,076
Ended that just last night,
thank you very much.
233
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,612
- Ah! Hence, the sudden arrival.
- Nonsense.
234
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:48,280
The business of show
has brought me to the left coast.
235
00:11:48,417 --> 00:11:51,620
And how could I pass up an opportunity
to gaze upon my ladies?
236
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:54,203
Alas, this one's
not your lady any more, Hank.
237
00:11:54,298 --> 00:11:56,753
Bates! Good to see you wearing pants.
How's it tucking?
238
00:11:56,842 --> 00:11:59,000
Well, that's between me
and your ex-baby mama.
239
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:01,253
She's still my baby mama
and always will be.
240
00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:02,805
Get used to it. That will not change.
241
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:05,807
Didn't we do this once before
and it ended in fisticuffs?
242
00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:09,012
Yes. And a good fisticuffs it was.
Epic.
243
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,269
Mmm-hmm.
In fact, I think we needed to do it.
244
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,764
Like men in prison.
We had to get it out of the way.
245
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,309
We had to do the man dance
just once, just a taste,
246
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,648
so we could move on with our lives
247
00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:19,695
and become the Cold War powers
that we are today.
248
00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:21,365
Is that what it was?
249
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,899
Cos I seem to remember you
pissing me off to such an extent,
250
00:12:23,994 --> 00:12:26,236
I was left with no choice
but to take a swing.
251
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:27,872
I hit you right back.
Don't forget that part.
252
00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:29,285
- No blood.
- Sizeable shiner.
253
00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:30,537
Yeah, blood's more embarrassing.
254
00:12:30,626 --> 00:12:32,618
Karen had to get you a towel,
some ice.
255
00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:35,119
- Fresh pair of panties, too, right?
- Yep. Still wearing them.
256
00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:37,830
How's Becca?
257
00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:39,087
- Wonderful.
- Uh...
258
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,885
- What's that?
- Nothing.
259
00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:44,218
No, that is definitely not nothing.
260
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:47,005
In fact, that's exactly
the kind of frown I'd give you
261
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,643
if you were trying to
bullshit a bullshitter.
262
00:12:48,727 --> 00:12:51,847
It's her fucking boyfriend.
I mean, I wanna kill him, Hank.
263
00:12:52,231 --> 00:12:55,600
I mean, I don't wanna kill him.
I wanna dismember him. Slowly.
264
00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:59,270
And pour Tabasco sauce
in his torn, bloody asshole
265
00:12:59,363 --> 00:13:01,936
as he dies, screaming for
his mommy and daddy.
266
00:13:02,032 --> 00:13:03,111
- Yeah.
- Nice.
267
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:04,480
Karen,
268
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:08,363
if you absolutely have to be with
someone else, this is the right guy.
269
00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:10,536
I know. He's like you.
270
00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:13,834
But awesome.
271
00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:15,951
That's me.
272
00:13:16,088 --> 00:13:17,547
Whatever!
273
00:13:18,507 --> 00:13:20,832
Gross. This is gross. Cut it out.
274
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,926
Where is she? What's the story?
275
00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:25,253
I don't know.
She didn't come home last night.
276
00:13:25,347 --> 00:13:27,672
What? What kind of shop
are you guys running around here?
277
00:13:27,766 --> 00:13:30,008
- That's what I always say.
- You know, she's at college, Hank.
278
00:13:30,102 --> 00:13:32,427
I mean, you know, she stays
some nights with her boyfriend.
279
00:13:32,521 --> 00:13:33,801
It's been known to happen.
280
00:13:33,897 --> 00:13:35,475
She's having sex with this guy?
281
00:13:35,566 --> 00:13:37,357
- I should hope so.
- Why?
282
00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:38,723
- Because he's hot.
- Oh...
283
00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:39,898
Who are you?
284
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:41,611
He's a real fucking doucheboat
is what he is.
285
00:13:41,697 --> 00:13:44,104
You know what? We'll have dinner.
286
00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:47,108
I'll make sure she brings him. OK?
287
00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:48,824
Fine. Why not?
288
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:50,371
Dinner with the ex, her new husband.
289
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:52,781
My insolent daughter,
her asshole boyfriend.
290
00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:54,073
Fan-fucking-tastic.
291
00:13:54,168 --> 00:13:56,374
This is not shaping up
to be a great trip. Not at all.
292
00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:58,711
I've only been in LA
a couple of hours,
293
00:13:58,797 --> 00:14:00,956
and I'm already supremely
fucking agitated.
294
00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:03,457
Have I told you about how much
money you stand to make?
295
00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:06,221
I don't believe it, Runks.
Nothing's ever that easy.
296
00:14:06,305 --> 00:14:08,381
And I'm not jumping through
any hoops to land this thing,
297
00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:10,550
whatever this thing is.
What is this thing?
298
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:13,049
Hello!
299
00:14:14,313 --> 00:14:15,937
Hello! Ex-wife!
300
00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:18,649
Hello!
301
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,819
Big time movie producer guy? Hello?
302
00:14:21,904 --> 00:14:23,695
What the fuck?
303
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,149
I'm gonna take a piss.
304
00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:30,621
Oh... Eat that bitch!
305
00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,531
- Goddamn it!
- Mmm.
306
00:14:33,248 --> 00:14:36,083
Goddamn it! No, harder.
307
00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:37,783
Yes! Ah!
308
00:14:38,337 --> 00:14:40,294
Charlie!
Come here, Charlie, Charlie.
309
00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:48,211
She moan like that
when you used to munch her out?
310
00:14:48,305 --> 00:14:51,508
Hardly. Of course, I didn't have
quite as many quatloos in the bank,
311
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,474
and an Academy Award on my shelf.
312
00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:56,884
These things have been known
to enhance the female orgasm.
313
00:14:57,189 --> 00:14:58,469
Stuart!
314
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,024
Close your eyes, son!
315
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:01,484
Charlie?
316
00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:03,644
Hank. Stuart.
317
00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:05,233
Irma!
318
00:15:05,489 --> 00:15:07,232
Christ on a cross.
319
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:11,777
Hank. Oh, so good to see you.
320
00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:16,157
Hey, can we do this a little later
when you lose the wood?
321
00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:17,951
- Wash your face?
- Yeah. Oh!
322
00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:21,371
Yeah. Sorry.
And this is gonna be a while.
323
00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:23,503
I just popped a Niagara.
324
00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:25,080
You mean a Viagra.
325
00:15:25,259 --> 00:15:27,216
No, we call it Niagara around here
326
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,628
because my rock-hard endowment
327
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:32,047
makes Marcy gush like Niagara Falls.
328
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:34,976
- Oh! So Marcy's a squirter now?
- Oh, yeah.
329
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,934
Things have really changed
in my absence.
330
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:40,555
Yeah, Marcy's in the throes of
a real sexual renaissance now, Hank.
331
00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:42,815
- It's exhilarating.
- It's good to hear.
332
00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:43,932
That's really good to hear.
333
00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:45,735
But you're too young
to mess with that Niagara shit, Stu.
334
00:15:45,821 --> 00:15:48,228
I know, I know. I just
really like the nine-hour boner.
335
00:15:48,574 --> 00:15:51,777
It makes me feel alive.
You know, I get shit done.
336
00:15:51,869 --> 00:15:53,778
What is wrong with you people?
337
00:15:53,871 --> 00:15:55,151
You're like a couple of teenagers!
338
00:15:55,247 --> 00:15:58,164
Yeah, well, Irma was supposed
to be watching him.
339
00:15:58,250 --> 00:15:59,448
It was a quickie, Runkle.
340
00:15:59,543 --> 00:16:01,535
Then we were all going
for some fro-yo.
341
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:04,878
Speaking of which, why is he
eating these terrible snacks?
342
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:06,756
Oh, settle down, soccer mom.
343
00:16:06,842 --> 00:16:08,799
Hanky! Hug!
344
00:16:09,887 --> 00:16:11,001
Mwah!
345
00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:13,765
Oh, you smell like sex.
346
00:16:13,849 --> 00:16:15,676
- Yes, I do!
- And weed.
347
00:16:15,767 --> 00:16:17,677
Well, yeah, mama's little helper.
348
00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:20,806
I take a puff sky or two and I
get the sex munchies, you know?
349
00:16:20,898 --> 00:16:23,649
I'm going through
a real sexual renaissance.
350
00:16:23,734 --> 00:16:25,109
I heard.
351
00:16:25,194 --> 00:16:26,522
Irma.
352
00:16:26,612 --> 00:16:27,726
What the fuck?
353
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:29,613
Language, Marcy!
354
00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:33,399
He sneak away. He always sneak away.
He so quiet, like a mouse.
355
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:34,904
Oh, dios mio!
356
00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:37,747
It doesn't have anything to do
with you watching your stories?
357
00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:39,705
El gordo y la flaca?
358
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:42,117
I know all about it, Irma!
359
00:16:42,211 --> 00:16:44,702
I'm calling immigration, motherfucker!
360
00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,374
No, no, no, no!
361
00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:49,330
What are you guys doing here?
362
00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:51,587
What are we doing here?
We came for the meeting.
363
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:55,379
Jesus, Runkle. Didn't you
get the message? There is no meeting.
364
00:16:55,474 --> 00:16:58,309
He wants Hank to come to him.
One-on-one.
365
00:16:58,393 --> 00:17:00,719
- Face time.
- Who the fuck is "he"?
366
00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:02,852
Samurai Apocalypse.
367
00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:04,974
- What? Huh?
- The rapper?
368
00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:06,519
Oh, have a little respect, Runkle.
369
00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:09,315
The man has transcended
rapper long ago.
370
00:17:09,404 --> 00:17:14,481
Sam is a producer, businessman,
entrepreneur, humanitarian.
371
00:17:14,576 --> 00:17:16,652
No, he's a major player, Hank. Major.
372
00:17:16,787 --> 00:17:18,578
And I pass.
373
00:17:18,664 --> 00:17:20,573
Oh, no, no, no, no.
You have to take the meeting.
374
00:17:20,666 --> 00:17:23,073
He really is an inspiring human being.
375
00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:24,710
He also has writer approval,
376
00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:26,503
and he hasn't liked
anyone we've sent him.
377
00:17:26,922 --> 00:17:29,080
First of all,
I'm not auditioning for anyone.
378
00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:32,211
Especially someone who calls
himself Samurai Apocalypse.
379
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:34,877
And, secondly,
why wasn't I first on the list?
380
00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:37,974
What I... I wasn't aware...
381
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:39,517
Hollywood assholes.
382
00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:40,799
Well...
383
00:18:18,015 --> 00:18:19,842
TM. You ever try it?
384
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:23,804
Truth be told, I get more satisfaction
out of a solid BM.
385
00:18:25,147 --> 00:18:26,890
Thank you, Alfred.
386
00:18:27,232 --> 00:18:29,521
- Alfred. Really?
- Fuck, yeah, man.
387
00:18:30,402 --> 00:18:31,730
When I was a kid, I told my moms,
388
00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:34,572
"Mama, when I get rich and famous,
I'm gonna get me an Alfred."
389
00:18:34,740 --> 00:18:35,854
Your moms must be proud,
390
00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:37,823
because you gots yourself
a fucking Alfred, all right.
391
00:18:38,619 --> 00:18:40,327
I don't even know
the motherfucker's real name.
392
00:18:40,412 --> 00:18:42,488
I just call him Alfred,
and he snaps right to it.
393
00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:44,076
I don't even know
if I pay this motherfucker.
394
00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:45,494
He might be my slave.
395
00:18:45,584 --> 00:18:47,458
Take that, white people.
396
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,870
You know, I dug your book,
man, for real.
397
00:18:50,506 --> 00:18:52,213
- Thank you.
- That shit was crazy.
398
00:18:52,341 --> 00:18:53,372
All right. Thanks.
399
00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:54,926
When that chick
squirted all over Runkle,
400
00:18:55,052 --> 00:18:57,340
I laughed so hard,
I almost shit in my own pants, man.
401
00:18:57,429 --> 00:19:00,383
Yeah, Runkle's always good
for a laugh.
402
00:19:00,474 --> 00:19:02,016
- And a shart.
- You're telling me.
403
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:04,058
Motherfucker's
a walking Pez dispenser.
404
00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:05,389
Chha, chha, chha, chha, chha.
405
00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:09,272
So you read the book, huh? Cool.
406
00:19:09,358 --> 00:19:10,935
You think I can't read, man?
407
00:19:11,026 --> 00:19:12,485
What kind of shit
is that to say to a brother, yo?
408
00:19:12,569 --> 00:19:14,478
I read your shit
from cover to cover, man,
409
00:19:14,571 --> 00:19:16,979
even the boring, pretentious parts.
410
00:19:17,074 --> 00:19:18,485
Yo, I think you the guy
to write my shit.
411
00:19:20,244 --> 00:19:22,782
- What do you have in mind?
- Santa Monica Cop.
412
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,570
I don't know what that means.
413
00:19:25,666 --> 00:19:28,287
Look, man,
I did this rap shit already.
414
00:19:28,377 --> 00:19:31,046
Sold gold, platinum, zirconium, check.
415
00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:34,083
Got my own energy drink,
Apocalypse Wow, check.
416
00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:37,295
Got the fat-ass Scarface crib,
crazy rides,
417
00:19:37,386 --> 00:19:39,010
and all the pussy a nigga can eat.
418
00:19:39,096 --> 00:19:42,013
Check, check, check.
So what's next? The movies.
419
00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:44,882
But I wanna do my own thing,
my own moment.
420
00:19:44,977 --> 00:19:47,931
Santa Monica Cop is my
Eddie Murphy moment right now!
421
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:49,397
So it's like Beverly Hills Cop.
422
00:19:49,940 --> 00:19:51,564
Nah, nigga, it's set in Santa Monica.
423
00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:54,855
OK. I see the difference.
424
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,990
You a kingmaker, man.
I wanna be a king, yo.
425
00:19:58,073 --> 00:19:59,271
- Yeah...
- You in?
426
00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:02,450
I don't know.
It's not really my thing.
427
00:20:02,536 --> 00:20:04,943
What the fuck else you gonna do,
write another book?
428
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,740
Fuck that.
Let's get paid, motherfucker.
429
00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:08,822
- Damn.
- Hi.
430
00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:10,709
Get your sexy ass over here, mama.
431
00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:15,831
- What's up, mama?
- Hey.
432
00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:19,086
Hank Moody, this is Kali.
433
00:20:19,178 --> 00:20:20,209
Remember this name, Kali.
434
00:20:20,304 --> 00:20:22,973
Yo, she's gonna be a star.
Gonna blow this bitch up.
435
00:20:23,432 --> 00:20:26,516
Kali, this is Hank Moody,
the writer/rapist.
436
00:20:26,852 --> 00:20:28,928
Nice to meet you, Hank.
437
00:20:29,021 --> 00:20:30,100
And you.
438
00:20:30,189 --> 00:20:33,807
Oh, God. Sorry.
Didn't mean to get a puddle on you.
439
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:36,149
- Sorry.
- She keeps it cool for sure, yo.
440
00:20:37,321 --> 00:20:39,562
Well, looks like you two
are about to fornicate,
441
00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:41,448
which is typically my cue.
442
00:20:41,992 --> 00:20:44,317
Keep it real up in the field, a'ight?
443
00:20:44,828 --> 00:20:46,536
I'm gonna keep in touch, Moody.
444
00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:48,371
You can't escape Apocalypse now, yo!
445
00:21:07,768 --> 00:21:09,595
Hasn't been that long, Dad.
446
00:21:10,354 --> 00:21:11,599
Uh-oh.
447
00:21:12,439 --> 00:21:14,230
- You got that look.
- What look?
448
00:21:15,192 --> 00:21:17,481
That drunken, boy-crazy look.
449
00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:19,237
- Promise you'll be nice.
- Nice?
450
00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:20,815
What are you talking about?
I'm always nice.
451
00:21:20,906 --> 00:21:22,982
You might wanna get used to this one.
452
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:25,243
I could see him sticking.
453
00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:26,782
To my shoe, maybe.
454
00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:28,614
Like an unpleasant chunk of dog turd?
455
00:21:39,550 --> 00:21:40,664
Hey.
456
00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:47,890
How old of a mammal
might you be, Tyler?
457
00:21:48,100 --> 00:21:51,184
- I'm 24, Hank.
- 24. Hmm.
458
00:21:52,479 --> 00:21:53,854
24.
459
00:21:54,606 --> 00:21:57,524
Touch too old for my daughter, don't
you think, maybe? Tad inappropriate?
460
00:21:57,609 --> 00:21:59,151
- Dad.
- Daughter.
461
00:21:59,236 --> 00:22:00,695
- You're being a dick.
- Am not.
462
00:22:00,904 --> 00:22:02,102
- Am, too.
- Am not!
463
00:22:02,197 --> 00:22:03,989
- He's not being a dick, baby.
- Baby? Really?
464
00:22:04,074 --> 00:22:05,355
He's just a concerned father.
465
00:22:05,450 --> 00:22:07,110
You know?
The two are easily confused.
466
00:22:07,202 --> 00:22:09,242
I don't think age
is an issue here, Hank.
467
00:22:09,329 --> 00:22:11,999
Becca is wise beyond her years,
468
00:22:12,082 --> 00:22:14,407
and I'm nothing
if not somewhat stunted.
469
00:22:14,585 --> 00:22:17,206
- That sounds familiar.
- Ooh.
470
00:22:17,629 --> 00:22:21,129
Well, har-dee-har-har, Karen.
So funny, I forgot to laugh.
471
00:22:21,216 --> 00:22:24,668
I'll take a snifter of that
vino rouge you got there, Tyler.
472
00:22:24,761 --> 00:22:27,169
Oh. Sorry, Hank. Looks like I killed it.
473
00:22:27,764 --> 00:22:29,472
All by yourself?
474
00:22:29,558 --> 00:22:30,637
Again with the rude, no?
475
00:22:30,976 --> 00:22:34,143
Maybe, but it was an
incredibly tasty super Tuscan.
476
00:22:34,229 --> 00:22:35,723
You snooze, you lose.
477
00:22:37,191 --> 00:22:40,108
Hank, look, um, I get it, I do.
478
00:22:40,527 --> 00:22:41,986
A young, good-looking guy swoops in,
479
00:22:42,070 --> 00:22:43,862
starts sniffing around
your one and only,
480
00:22:43,947 --> 00:22:46,273
and you question his motives.
It's totally understandable.
481
00:22:46,909 --> 00:22:49,115
But I really like your daughter.
482
00:22:49,620 --> 00:22:52,241
We're having fun, we're hanging out,
we're keeping it simple.
483
00:22:52,331 --> 00:22:54,407
And, uh, I come in peace, OK?
484
00:22:54,499 --> 00:22:55,531
It's all good.
485
00:22:55,834 --> 00:22:57,542
- It's all good?
- Yeah.
486
00:22:58,212 --> 00:23:00,169
- He's really charming.
- It's all good!
487
00:23:00,255 --> 00:23:02,331
You hear that, Karen? It's all good.
488
00:23:02,424 --> 00:23:04,666
- Yes, it's all good.
- It's all good.
489
00:23:05,511 --> 00:23:07,918
We should get going, babe.
We're gonna be late.
490
00:23:08,013 --> 00:23:10,718
Hold on, hold on, hold on a second.
Is anybody gonna say anything?
491
00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:14,556
OK, it's on me,
the designated asshole.
492
00:23:14,645 --> 00:23:16,353
You're not really thinking
of driving, are you?
493
00:23:16,438 --> 00:23:18,146
You just finished off
a whole bottle of wine.
494
00:23:18,232 --> 00:23:19,856
Hank, come on.
495
00:23:19,942 --> 00:23:21,815
Who puts wine in the drinking
and driving category?
496
00:23:21,944 --> 00:23:23,058
Oh, I don't know.
497
00:23:23,153 --> 00:23:25,988
Maybe people who have lost kids
to smarmy little fucks
498
00:23:26,073 --> 00:23:29,074
who suck down super Tuscans
and then got behind the wheel?
499
00:23:29,159 --> 00:23:31,068
And you've certainly
never consumed alcohol
500
00:23:31,161 --> 00:23:33,237
and gotten behind the wheel,
have you, Dad?
501
00:23:33,330 --> 00:23:37,956
I have made certain mistakes, Becca.
This has been well-documented.
502
00:23:38,043 --> 00:23:41,210
But because of my foolishness,
you don't have to make the same ones.
503
00:23:41,547 --> 00:23:44,417
Great seeing you, Dad.
Always a pleasure.
504
00:23:45,175 --> 00:23:46,634
Becca, wait.
505
00:23:48,554 --> 00:23:50,593
See how easy that was?
Problem solved.
506
00:23:51,223 --> 00:23:53,975
She's quite the little
troubleshooter, that one.
507
00:23:54,059 --> 00:23:55,601
It was nice to finally meet you, Hank.
508
00:23:55,686 --> 00:23:57,928
I'm truly sorry
if we got off on the wrong foot.
509
00:23:59,606 --> 00:24:01,682
- Take care, Karen.
- Bye.
510
00:24:03,277 --> 00:24:04,308
Jesus.
511
00:24:04,403 --> 00:24:06,976
Even feels like a creep.
Clammy fucking mitts.
512
00:24:07,072 --> 00:24:08,780
I don't like it. Not one bit.
513
00:24:08,907 --> 00:24:10,781
Hank, you're here
for a couple of days.
514
00:24:10,868 --> 00:24:12,944
Is this how you want to
leave things with your daughter?
515
00:24:13,036 --> 00:24:15,112
I think I'm gonna let
the grown-ups hash this one out.
516
00:24:15,205 --> 00:24:17,447
You know where I stand.
I hate his stupid fucking guts.
517
00:24:17,541 --> 00:24:19,165
And I love you for it, Batesy.
518
00:24:19,251 --> 00:24:21,824
Your support means the world to me.
519
00:24:21,962 --> 00:24:23,540
Seriously.
I could felch you right now.
520
00:24:23,630 --> 00:24:26,121
You know, it wouldn't be the first time
a man has tongued my asshole
521
00:24:26,216 --> 00:24:27,675
- in gratitude.
- Shut up, shut up!
522
00:24:27,759 --> 00:24:29,004
Rain check.
523
00:24:29,094 --> 00:24:31,217
- He's kidding, right?
- You don't get it, do you?
524
00:24:31,305 --> 00:24:32,419
- What?
- He's you.
525
00:24:32,514 --> 00:24:35,634
Yes. You said so earlier.
He's like me, only awesomer.
526
00:24:35,767 --> 00:24:37,392
And I'm not sure I like the way
you phrased it,
527
00:24:37,477 --> 00:24:39,102
but I certainly understand
the sentiment,
528
00:24:39,188 --> 00:24:40,468
and I choose to see a compliment...
529
00:24:40,564 --> 00:24:42,438
Hank, will you shut the fuck up?
530
00:24:42,524 --> 00:24:45,525
- Cos I'm a bright side guy.
- I'm not talking about Richard.
531
00:24:45,611 --> 00:24:46,642
- Tyler.
- What?
532
00:24:46,737 --> 00:24:49,144
What are you talking about?
The kid's a loathsome fucking asshole.
533
00:24:49,239 --> 00:24:51,611
Well, there are certain members
of my family
534
00:24:51,700 --> 00:24:53,408
who said the very same thing
about you.
535
00:24:53,493 --> 00:24:55,819
Your folks, maybe. Not your sister.
She always dug me.
536
00:24:56,330 --> 00:24:59,284
She used to molest me with her
eyes something fierce. I could tell.
537
00:25:00,083 --> 00:25:02,076
Got me a little wet. Not gonna lie.
538
00:25:02,794 --> 00:25:05,712
Wow. I can't believe
it's taken me this many years
539
00:25:05,797 --> 00:25:07,505
to realise you ended up
with the wrong sister.
540
00:25:07,591 --> 00:25:11,423
Oh, she was a foxy little minx, that one,
but she didn't turn on my heartlight.
541
00:25:13,222 --> 00:25:14,632
So what's the move here, Karen?
542
00:25:15,182 --> 00:25:16,890
Move? There is no move.
543
00:25:16,975 --> 00:25:18,517
No, there's always a move.
544
00:25:18,602 --> 00:25:22,137
She likes him. He says he likes her.
It works until it doesn't.
545
00:25:23,899 --> 00:25:25,607
That sounds awfully familiar.
546
00:25:25,734 --> 00:25:28,652
I'm not in the mood, Hank.
I'm going back to my life.
547
00:25:28,737 --> 00:25:30,895
Yeah, who can blame you?
It's a nice life.
548
00:25:31,323 --> 00:25:32,983
What? You did well for yourself.
549
00:25:33,075 --> 00:25:35,114
You got a white picket fence
and everything.
550
00:25:35,202 --> 00:25:36,993
Yep. Home sweet home.
551
00:25:37,079 --> 00:25:40,614
I know bait when I hear it,
and this little fishy ain't biting.
552
00:25:41,166 --> 00:25:42,329
Good night.
553
00:25:42,417 --> 00:25:43,746
Good night, former lover.
554
00:25:54,346 --> 00:25:55,626
Oh.
555
00:26:14,825 --> 00:26:16,023
One
556
00:26:19,788 --> 00:26:23,738
Hundred!
557
00:26:24,126 --> 00:26:25,917
I win!
558
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,590
Hank, buddy,
I didn't even hear you come in.
559
00:26:29,673 --> 00:26:31,630
Hank, Hank, this is Ginger.
560
00:26:31,717 --> 00:26:35,964
Ginger, this is my best friend
and star client, Hank Moody.
561
00:26:36,346 --> 00:26:38,386
- Hi, Hank.
- Hey, Ginger.
562
00:26:38,515 --> 00:26:41,006
Any naked friend of Charlie's
is a naked friend of mine.
563
00:26:43,020 --> 00:26:44,430
Whoo-hoo!
564
00:26:44,730 --> 00:26:46,888
Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!
565
00:26:47,191 --> 00:26:48,851
What's with the victory lap, dude?
566
00:26:48,942 --> 00:26:50,899
It's the 100th woman, Hank!
567
00:26:50,986 --> 00:26:53,394
Un cento, baby. Remember? My quest.
568
00:26:53,572 --> 00:26:56,739
Oh! Wow, yeah.
It took you this long to get to 100?
569
00:26:57,868 --> 00:26:59,362
What am I talking about?
Of course it did.
570
00:26:59,453 --> 00:27:03,616
I know, right? But I did it.
I made myself a promise and I kept it!
571
00:27:05,042 --> 00:27:06,666
My heart and cock swelleth with pride.
572
00:27:06,752 --> 00:27:09,669
Hey! I'm really happy you were here
to see me cross the finish line.
573
00:27:09,755 --> 00:27:11,000
Me, too.
574
00:27:11,548 --> 00:27:12,663
How was your day, buddy?
575
00:27:12,758 --> 00:27:15,213
Well, it started off all right,
and then it got a little weird,
576
00:27:15,302 --> 00:27:17,378
and then it just went
all sideways and shitty.
577
00:27:17,513 --> 00:27:19,339
What'd you think of
Samurai Apocalypse?
578
00:27:19,431 --> 00:27:22,136
Yeah. Can you give me a ride
back to LAX right now?
579
00:27:22,226 --> 00:27:25,345
Oh, come on, come.
There's no need to be rash.
580
00:27:25,437 --> 00:27:28,011
Look, you have yourself a drink. Hmm?
581
00:27:29,149 --> 00:27:31,474
- Chillax, enjoy the view!
- Hey, no. No!
582
00:27:31,568 --> 00:27:33,442
That's how it starts, Charlie, stop.
583
00:27:37,991 --> 00:27:39,272
Who this?
584
00:27:40,244 --> 00:27:41,406
Oh.
585
00:27:41,620 --> 00:27:42,735
Who?
586
00:27:43,247 --> 00:27:44,361
Oh. Yeah?
587
00:27:45,332 --> 00:27:46,707
Wait. What?
588
00:27:47,292 --> 00:27:48,870
Say that again.
589
00:27:49,962 --> 00:27:51,670
Wow. Wow.
590
00:27:53,924 --> 00:27:55,003
Whoa.
591
00:27:55,092 --> 00:27:56,752
OK. Um...
592
00:27:58,637 --> 00:28:00,713
Well, thanks for calling.
593
00:28:01,014 --> 00:28:02,390
I guess.
594
00:28:03,725 --> 00:28:05,006
Who that?
595
00:28:05,185 --> 00:28:07,344
My neighbour back in New York.
596
00:28:07,437 --> 00:28:09,015
Everything OK?
597
00:28:11,149 --> 00:28:12,976
My apartment's on fire.45050
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